Light-Switch Moments
I was reading about NBA player, Richard Jefferson’s canceled wedding not long after a reader sent me an article about men and their light-switch moments. The author says that some men have light-switch moments when they just sort of suddenly realize that the woman they are dating is the one.
It seems like the light-switch moments happen pretty organically. It’s not because a women coerced or manipulated him, or strong-armed him into marriage. So a man’s decision to get engaged kind of feels like a light-switch moment when the light-bulb comes on, and he is ready to make the move.
I wondered if Richard Jefferson had a light-switch “off” button? When men figure out the woman of his dreams is closer to the nightmare, does it happen in the same way?
Guys, if you have ever proposed or thought of proposing, did it feel like a light-switch moment? Did you just suddenly see that it was the right time and the right woman? What about when you realized you needed to break up with someone? Was there a light-switch moment when you thought, “Oh, no. Time to go”
Ladies, do you find that the men you are meeting and dating want to get married? Have you ever dated a man and witnessed a light-switch moment? Did he behave differently after that? Have you ever had a light-switch moment with a man when you realized that he was the man of your dreams? How did you handle it?
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144 comments Add your comment
SexyCool - Rising to the top
July 27th, 2009
11:02 am
Overheard in my workplace this morning – “The lack of motivation and intelligence around this place is ASTOUNDING!!!”
LMAO!!!
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
July 27th, 2009
11:02 am
I just see each encounter as a part of the ALL.
SCool – I feel you on this!
You know, life is funny. Some people have come on this blog and complained about how folks don’t want to “tough it out” anymore, that people don’t try to “make it work” and want instant gratification. Say that some women don’t want to give “good men” a chance and vice-versa. Today we find it all boils down to a light-bulb, ah-ha moment! Either a dude is ready and is ready to do it with YOU or he’s not and no amount of “putting in the work” or “hanging in there” is gonna change that!
Yeah, real funny.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)
July 27th, 2009
11:05 am
Sexy…that 10:55 was on pernt.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)
July 27th, 2009
11:09 am
Either a dude is ready and is ready to do it with YOU or he’s not and no amount of “putting in the work” or “hanging in there” is gonna change that!
Weeeellll……as Sister Sassafrass puts a lil money in the collection plate for the building fund.
For Real
July 27th, 2009
11:10 am
Off topic: In honor of Purple Rain For Real is now donning the same outfit that Prince wore on his Dirty Mind ablum cover.
On Topic: I hate to break it to you ladies but 90% of all men that is/got married did so for this reason – “Well we been together dis long may as well marry her azz. Beside who else will put up with my ish”
Like Chris Rock said “Men don’t get married we submit” – For men that light switch moment is usually “fugg dis I’m out”
Of course some men want to get married (not me tho). Men are not against marriage. It’s just idea that everything you work hard for can be taken away from all because someone else isn’t happy. I know, I know, you can’t go into a marriage thinking that way but making decision without looking at all sides is foolish at best. But it makes you wonder why women are Allergic to pre-nups tho.
I don’t understand why the chicks on the blog are praising Richard Jefferson’s ole girl. Is it because he gave 2million? Also, if she is so hurt by this why is she on TV promoting it? Oh and why in the hell did he give her 2million? She ain’t paid for ish!
For Real now looking like Prince on his Lovesexy album.
TOUCH ITTTTTT!!!!
Demi
July 27th, 2009
11:15 am
SexyCool…that was sooooo on point!!
Sassy…just checkin li’momma…I am in no mood for male bashin…feel free to do so tomorrow, LOL
East Point's Own
July 27th, 2009
11:17 am
From what I read this was the second time he called off the engagement. So he knew a long time ago that the relationship was suspect, but he came back only to confirm that she wasn’t the one.
Demi
July 27th, 2009
11:18 am
Mo…you enjoy your freedom too darn much to be tied down anytime soon…companionship for now and then…suits you better…you don’t have time for games.
Tazzee - countdown to Pensacola Beach
July 27th, 2009
11:19 am
Morning Folks!
It’s been a while since I’ve met a man that wasn’t marriage-minded…well at least he said he was.
I’ve shared my off-switch moment on here before – my longest relationship, ended with his answer to one question.
Ahh, Purple Rain – I was 14, loved the movie and the concert.
I’m glad a lot of folks had a wonderful weekend – I did too.
Demi
July 27th, 2009
11:23 am
(It’s just idea that everything you work hard for can be taken away from all because someone else isn’t happy)
I got one for you…why do most men marry broke? There are plenty of sucessful women…then again…most sucessful women aren’t looking to be or get married…they career be they husband and employees they kids, LOL.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
July 27th, 2009
11:23 am
Hi All …I’ve been out of town for weeks putting out another “fire”. Only dropping in for a moment.
“When men figure out the woman of his dreams is closer to the nightmare, does it happen in the same way?”
This is much easier to identify with for a man IMHO. For me at least. The “right one” for me is not an “ah hah” moment, it is a gradual realization that I am comfortable and content. Conversly, the “Wrong One” is more of a lightning bolt moment like “uh oh, where’s the door, quick”.
My 2 pennies worth.
Mo (aka Moeisha-)
July 27th, 2009
11:25 am
Demi – you think so? LOL! I make the best of my time. When a man comes along that Im feeling then I’ll enjoy my free time and him too. Being tied down isnt an issue, being tied down with the wrong person is. But I dont have time for games. HEY CHOCOLATE BABY
Demi
July 27th, 2009
11:25 am
(Either a dude is ready and is ready to do it with YOU or he’s not and no amount of “putting in the work” or “hanging in there” is gonna change that!)
Kimmie…timing can be a mugg, huh?
Simp
July 27th, 2009
11:25 am
A light switching moment happens when a person feels they are about to lose someone. So they propose, hoping that will buy some time and keep the relationship together. On the other hand, when a person turns up the heat. They dont want to date forever. So the person jet out.
Mo (aka Moeisha-)
July 27th, 2009
11:30 am
Oh and as for Purple Rain, I will be watching it tonight on DVD. I hope Prince tours again b/c his concert was by far one of the best (if not the best) I’ve ever been to.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
July 27th, 2009
11:31 am
For Real – I could care less about what he gave her, which if I remember her correctly, was well below 2 mil. Anyway, she said over the years her career was put on hold running around with him. Nobody put a gun to either one of them, so it’s his money to give if he wants to.
I’m not heaping praise on her cause I know hundreds of people more deserving of praise, people that are out there really making a difference.
I was just pleased that she kept it classy, she didn’t dog ole boy even when folks tried go there with her. That’s all. My opinion, mind you.
Demi
July 27th, 2009
11:31 am
Mo…you know, she called me Chocolate Baby last night…I am like, “I have a good woman!!” LOL
you are still allowed to call me that…feeling are different. You, as if I am your favorite li’bro…her, I maybe 5 sec from being raped, HEEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!
For Real
July 27th, 2009
11:33 am
“by far one of the best (if not the best)” – Man I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this before. Hey Tippy-Toes!
For Real now switching into Prince’s Purple Rain outfit while sitting on his Huffy.
Tazzee - countdown to Pensacola Beach
July 27th, 2009
11:34 am
Mo – I don’t know about that tour, I heard he was having (or had) hip surgery. But his last tour was GREAT! I would love to see Prince in concert again.
Demi
July 27th, 2009
11:34 am
(Conversly, the “Wrong One” is more of a lightning bolt moment like “uh oh, where’s the door, quick”.)
Or when ol’girl put a gun to your head and you notices there is white around her nose, LOL!!!
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
July 27th, 2009
11:35 am
Demi – Timing is everything – people forget that!
The Truth-Don't Call it a Comeback
July 27th, 2009
11:40 am
On topic: Most guys get to a point where they accept a woman into their heart. It is not the same as dating but its when he says this is mine and thats that light switch moment. Five seconds before that moment he doesnt know its coming but its the way she does something, says something, or does nothing at all. Usually that moment has more to do with a whole lotta things other than sex, her push up bra, or her Mac make-up. Shes allowed into his inner circle and can even visit his cave. She’s raised to another level in his mind and heart, the position is hers and no other woman can take it, though she can give it away.
Any woman making powers plays before that moment is heading for disaster. After that she has a very receptive ear. Its the exact same as a cat trying to get with you before your ready to give it to him. Its pathetic.
So ladies, do like my mom told me when i showed interest in women. “Be patient” I still remember the day she told me that, though it took awhile to figure out exactly what she meant.
And yes, though love can happen in an instance it takes time to get to that point. My theory is its where love meets respect.
What it do folks?
Public shout out to SexyCool, if you need a resume done that girl has skills. Take a look at her services.
Demi
July 27th, 2009
11:41 am
Maynnnnnne!!!!!!! After calculating and the math…Demi feels young
25 years ago…I was 5 years old and running around in batman’s drawls, like it was cool or something.
MrHughes
July 27th, 2009
11:42 am
I’ve had lightbulb moments with the last two women i dated seriously enough to call girlfriends/potential girl friends.
The first was a long term relationship. We had trouble for awhile, separated, tried to make it work (were unable to), and then she decided that she needed time alone to decide what she wanted. Unfortunately, her “time alone” morphed into a fling with another dude while simultaneously telling me she wanted to maybe work things out with me. So, the light bulb went off for me to say that I can’t make the choice to be with someone that thinks a fling is more important than a long term relationship. I think everything would have just gone better had there been honesty. The sad thing is that the new dude dogged her pretty bad. But, the moment gave me clarity as I saw where I really stood. We can be friends, but if I can’t trust you, then we can’t be in a relationship. She not a bad person. We are still friends; she’s a great person, but she is not a great person for me to be in a relationship with. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out, and that’s okay.
My other light bulb was with another girl who is best described as a potential girlfriend. The truth is that I realize she might be the one. I knew it the night we met. She’s a lot like the first girl, but more put together in a better place emotionally, financially, etc. We just simply click. We enjoy the same things and our lives and personalities are more complimentary of one another. It’s what I wished for with the first girl, but so much easier. When it’s right there’s no effort involved… Moreover, she’s on my mind daily, even though we are both incredibly buzy and missing one another. But, I’m of the opinion that if it’s meant to happen it will. Plus, her job and son moved her out of the city. So, I’m not picking up my life just yet.
In my opinion a relationship should be the icing on the cake, rather than the cake itself. I’m working on my piece of cake.
I guess I have lightbulb moments with everyone I date… Whether its someone being belligerant about my time, when i can hang with them, or just being rude and inconsiderate of me, my friends, my time, money, etc. Those are definately defining moments for me in terms of whether i will see someone again.
Demi
July 27th, 2009
11:43 am
For Real…SUP!! You know your boy is now speeding pass all strippa clubs now…And no more 1800 silver straight!!!
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
July 27th, 2009
11:45 am
Truth – Hey blog hubby!
Tazzee - countdown to Pensacola Beach
July 27th, 2009
11:51 am
Truth How are you man? Glad to see you check in.
Page1908
July 27th, 2009
11:53 am
LOL @ Demi and For Real getting drunk. You know ya’ll are some crazy fools, right? lol
Mo (aka Moeisha-)
July 27th, 2009
11:57 am
Hey Truth!! Glad you could drop in!
For Real – hey Big Swole!
Im telling you, a Prince concert is that ISH!!!!
Tazzee – I heard that about is Royal Badness but I still would love to see him perform again, even if it is minus the splits. I went to see him during his last tour as well.
Demi – you know I cant stop calling you that! LOL!
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
July 27th, 2009
11:59 am
@Demi…true…guns do get my attention quickly. I think I am going to leave the real “psycho chicks” to you Dude. You have more experience with how to “extract” oneself under fire, LOL.
MrHughes
July 27th, 2009
12:01 pm
@The Truth-Don’t Call it a Comeback
I definately feel you on your post.
I feel like #1 had her place and gave it away. And, I can go right to the moment where #2 earned her place. We’d met at this party last summer and where just talking. She already knew what I did for a living and I was talking about it with her and someone else at the party. I said something kinda dismissive about it because I don’t make a ton of money and she said like “don’t ever talk down what you do, it’s important”. From that moment I realized that she supported me in a a real way that no one ever had before. That’s powerful, valuable, and rare. From that point I realized that she was someone I wanted to have in my life and I’d only known her for 30 minutes.
Professor...ahhh
July 27th, 2009
12:05 pm
I am still listening to Prince, but I am listening to this collaboration he did with Miles Davis (ohh I love that man) “If I was your girlfriend.” I am going to change gears and head straight to Miles after this…
****In my opinion a relationship should be the icing on the cake, rather than the cake itself. I’m working on my piece of cake.****
Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)
July 27th, 2009
12:17 pm
Mr. Hughes your 11:42 was deep….I hope things work out in the future with #2….that seems to be where your heart is.
AmazonRed™ - it's already a grrrreat day!
July 27th, 2009
12:23 pm
HEY TRUTH!!! *smooches*
Simp
July 27th, 2009
12:23 pm
Hey, Has anyone paid any attention to all the car-jacking. Be careful. Just a note.
Professor...ahhh
July 27th, 2009
12:24 pm
It is time to go when:
1. You do not know where s/he lives
2. S/He keeps everything private
3. You are left alone on holidays
4. You never met any family, friends etc.
5. It is sometimes difficult to reach that person via phone, text etc.
6. The finances are horrible
7. The house is nasty
8. You never really heard the person say anything positive
9. Your deepest conversation is when you recap what happened on reality tv
10. Time together is sporadic
11. He did not take out the trash (just kidding)…
12. Not spiritual enough
13. Too Spiritual
Elijah ( Satisfaction Guaranteed)
July 27th, 2009
12:42 pm
Good Afternoon folks!
Light bulb moment what is that? I have them all the time! Everytime I meet a beautiful intelligent woman who is a major sports fan I will have a light bulb moment!
When I was reading one of SexyCool’s poem I had a light bulb moment
I did not like Mr. Prince when he first came out in the late Seventies! But his music has grown on me! Now, I am a huge fan especially since I went to see Mr. Purple in Concert. One of my top 5 performance that I have ever seen!
1 Michael Jackson
2. The Temps and O’jays
3. Luther Vandross
4. Prince
5. Janet Jackson
That is my top 5 favorite concert performances list!
Foots
July 27th, 2009
1:11 pm
Truth — I’m with your mom on that being patient. I’m still working on that, but I’m a lot better than I used to be. There have been so many instances of Future Talk coming from him that it would be easy for me to get caught up. But I’m trying to take it all in stride and just enjoy today for what it is. I think he’s had his light-bulb moment and I know that he’s making some decisions right now that will affect both of us. I’m just going to let it all unfold and see what happens.
Elijah ( Satisfaction Guaranteed)
July 27th, 2009
1:21 pm
What’s up Demi?
I see you have given up the stripper clubs! Can I have your VIP pass?
Ladies most definitely keep you head up while driving in these mean streets of Atlanta. They thieves and robbers are taking no prisoners.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
July 27th, 2009
1:41 pm
Goodness it’s dead in here today!
main lurker
July 27th, 2009
1:47 pm
LOL @ “Name (required).” Better than being “lurker!”
main lurker
July 27th, 2009
1:50 pm
Ared Read or skip…that’s easy enough for you
AmazonRed™ - it's already a grrrreat day!
July 27th, 2009
1:51 pm
Goodness it’s dead in here today!
And remember, the next new topic comes Wednesday so we’ve gotta make this one last.
I’m quiet cuz I’m already in vacation mode. I’m here at work knocking stuff out.
I just got a buy one get one free coupon for Jamba Juice…so right on time!!!
Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)
July 27th, 2009
1:55 pm
Goodness it’s dead in here today!
I know right?!…..the nerve of y’all…got me over here being all productive and stuff.
main lurker
July 27th, 2009
1:57 pm
“Well we been together dis long may as well marry her azz.”
I can believe that. I have a friend that told me he married another after his true love moved to another city. Said post her moving, he’d picked up with another chick that was cool enough but not the same as the first chick. Said he was stalling with the 2nd chick and although 2nd chick was cool and they’d been together by that time, a good while, her mom simply put it to him to not drag her along. Either marry her or let her go. They’ve been married now 12 years but he said even after then he still thought about the chick that moved and it took him next to forever to really move past her.
Kym-I am the mystery in the room
July 27th, 2009
1:58 pm
@kimmmie I am peaking in and studying for a final, inbetween phone calls and other work obligations.
@Poppa G what is a fair amount of time needed to prep for the LSAT? I took it twice but that was 5 years ago so those scores are out. 6/8 months. I am thinking I will give myself on and off a year and try to squeeze in one of those expensive ass classes. But your opinion on this subject matter would be greatly appreciated.
Lurky lurked
July 27th, 2009
2:07 pm
Confessions&awards:
Most stu,pid= all the blog freakies that get mad for sharing the same hotdog
Most wanted= The blog simp that controls the freakies
Most wisdom= poppa grande
Most lies = freaks and simps
Most comical=blog lies
Most stu;pid = blog chicas that share the same hotdog
Most nasty= not putting plastic on the hotdog
I'm swiss
July 27th, 2009
2:08 pm
Afternoon, blogville. Swiss blogging via iPhone, drunk off my ass at the airport, waiting on a flight to San Fran.
Re: Prince — I’ve got a bootleg of a Prince show at Phillips from a few years back. I would post the link today, but Swiss Miss turned off my Linux server at home. Remind me on Wednesday & I’ll post it for anyone interested.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)
July 27th, 2009
2:09 pm
They’ve been married now 12 years but he said even after then he still thought about the chick that moved and it took him next to forever to really move past her.
And you know what?….I bet the wife doesn’t even know that she’s his second choice…..other wise she probably would’ve bounced, then again she might’ve been one of those “we been together this long and I ain’t startin’ over with nobody else” type of women….go figure. My pride and “big ego” would never allow that. I am NO ONE’S second/after thought.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
July 27th, 2009
2:24 pm
Main lurker/Sassy – This happens SO much more than you know! Men try to ACT like they have no trouble moving on, but that’s all it is with a lot – an act! Just cause he’s moved on physically with someone else does not mean he’s all in mentally! That’s why when that mess went down with the SC gov. and he said he LOVED and was SOULMATES with ms. Argentina – wifey does not have a ghost of a chance of ever having his heart!
Most of the time, the “consolation prize” wife may never find out – but there will never be that REAL connection! Something will always be MISSING!