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Light-Switch Moments

I was reading about NBA player, Richard Jefferson’s canceled wedding not long after a reader sent me an article about men and their light-switch moments. The author says that some men have light-switch moments when they just sort of suddenly realize that the woman they are dating is the one.

It seems like the light-switch moments happen pretty organically. It’s not because a women coerced or manipulated him, or strong-armed him into marriage. So a man’s decision to get engaged kind of feels like a light-switch moment when the light-bulb comes on, and he is ready to make the move.

I wondered if Richard Jefferson had a light-switch “off” button? When men figure out the woman of his dreams is closer to the nightmare, does it happen in the same way?

Guys, if you have ever proposed or thought of proposing, did it feel like a light-switch moment? Did you just suddenly see that it was the right time and the right woman? What about when you realized you needed to break up with someone? Was there a light-switch moment when you thought, “Oh, no. Time to go”

Ladies, do you find that the men you are meeting and dating want to get married? Have you ever dated a man and witnessed a light-switch moment? Did he behave differently after that? Have you ever had a light-switch moment with a man when you realized that he was the man of your dreams? How did you handle it?

144 comments Add your comment

Alvin

July 27th, 2009
8:12 am

Morning All…

Pourinnnnnnng In Your Memorieeeeeeees…This is For…Myyy-iiiii-eeeee…Hooom..Hoooom..Hoooomieeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Vernon Forrest, may you rest in peace!!!

Kym-I am the mystery in the room

July 27th, 2009
8:45 am

Have you ever had a light-switch moment with a man when you realized that he was the man of your dreams? How did you handle it?

No, but I have recently had light-switch moments with a couple of men who I have known for many moons..one guy(15 yrs) the other (12 years) and had light-switch moments with both of them. One I loved so hard I could feel his presence like a sixth sense. And no matter where we were on earth..we found each other. The other the same feeling and actions..only the more I spend time with him the more I realize how truly odd a relationship we have..it really has no explaination at all. Either way the light-switch flashed on and for the former I had to release him from my life..the later is still around but I am learning to handle him with the long handle spoon.

Kym-I am the mystery in the room

July 27th, 2009
8:45 am

Oh yeah Good Morn All.

Grace

July 27th, 2009
8:48 am

Ladies, do you find that the men you are meeting and dating want to get married? Most of the men I’ve met do not want to be inlove less more get married. My dear sweet guy said the word marriage twice last night in our conversation, I don’t know what that means, I’m not going to get ahead of myself, I’ll just sit and watch.

Have you ever dated a man and witnessed a light-switch moment? Never, both my husbands told me with in days after meeting me that they were going to marry me, I guess I was fortunate enough to meet men that knew what they wanted and was ready for it, also I was much younger too. I guess I may never have the light bulb moment, I don’t know.

Professor...ahhh

July 27th, 2009
8:58 am

Good Morning!!!

I had a great weekend and I am looking forward to pushing through this week so that I can do it all again.

On topic: Hmmm I think I will lurk on this one because I would like to hear from the fellas and really listen without all the extra.

Ladies, do you find that the men you are meeting and dating want to get married?

I will say this I have met some sincere men that voiced being open to marriage and I have met some players that use this line as game…so it depends on how you look at it…a lot of men tell women what they want to hear.

@Kimmie that lemonade was so good! Thanks again for sharing I was so into the lemonade that I did not make the sangria, but the sangria is up next. BTW I hope your luncheon went well.

Professor...ahhh

July 27th, 2009
9:10 am

Off topic: I am a huge Prince fan and today is the 25th anniversary of Purple Rain (according to the radio). So I will be jamming to Prince all day, which is nothing new….please enjoy a few verses

I can’t disguise the pounding of my heart
It beats so strong
It’s in your eyes what can I say
They turn me on

I don’t care where we go
I don’t care what we do
I don’t care pretty baby
Just take me with u

Come on and touch the place in me
That’s calling out your name
We want each other oh so much
Why must we play this game?

Don’t care where we go
I don’t care what we do
I don’t care pretty baby
Just take me with u

I don’t care if we spend the night at your mansion
I don’t care if we spend the night on the town
All I want is 2 spend the night together
All I want is 2 spend the night in your arms

[...] Light-Switch Moments Atlanta Journal Constitution I was reading about NBA player, Richard Jefferson's canceled wedding not long after a reader sent me an article about men and their light-switch moments. … See all stories on this topic [...]

AmazonRed™ - it's already a grrrreat day!

July 27th, 2009
9:30 am

Good morning lovelies!

I commend Richard Jefferson for not going through with the wedding. He paid his ex $2 million dollars for her trouble and probably avoided a $20 million dollar divorce down the line.

Seeing as though I’ve never been married, there has been no light switch moment for me. Though both guys and girls I know believe that one day men just wake up one day and are “ready.” And once ready, finding that one becomes a lot easier.

I know several women who have waited around for their guy to finally “be ready.” Many of them have gotten their men to marry them after years of waiting and drama. I just can’t do it. I have to leave. And if he realizes he’s lost a good thing, he can come find me. Either way, walking away has been the best thing for me so I can move on to someone who is ready!

Demi

July 27th, 2009
9:33 am

(Either way, walking away has been the best thing for me so I can move on to someone who is ready!)

Demi shall be good…Demi shall be good…Demi shall be good

(Purple Rain, purple raaaaain!!)

Lioness-

July 27th, 2009
9:37 am

Good Morning :mrgreen:
Ared- I agree 1000%

DEmi- Too early for that Sugar :)

Lioness-

July 27th, 2009
9:39 am

Demi- Is what you sent me safe to look @:?: LOL

Kym-I am the mystery in the room

July 27th, 2009
9:40 am

@Prof..huge Prince fan here…I can’t believe it ihas been 25 years. 1984..I was 12 and my room had purple everything.

Demi

July 27th, 2009
9:45 am

Lioness…I am doing good. I am cutting back on my over the top freakiness…demi now past the torch over to Melo’n'W8

…and dressing like a pastor in one of those black mega churches…wearing halo tilt to the side

I am growing…spiritually.

Demi

July 27th, 2009
9:47 am

Lioness…Maaaaaaybe or Maaaaaaaaybe NOT!! LOL

AmazonRed™ - it's already a grrrreat day!

July 27th, 2009
9:48 am

Richard Jefferson gave a phone interview soon after the news broke. He said he and the ex were still “best friends” and that she was okay with everything. He said they had been having problems for a while and fighting a lot. They went to L.A. over 4th of July and things just came to a head there. So he knew he couldn’t sign up for a lifetime of that.

His ex wasn’t blindsided or anything, RJ was just the one to pull the triger on the relationship.

Lioness-

July 27th, 2009
9:50 am

Demi- You are so silly :) I will check it soon.. maybe

Professor...ahhh

July 27th, 2009
9:50 am

@ Kym I was 8 and my older sisters were huge Prince fans so I tagged along in their footsteps. I think I am going to listen to Paisley Park or Controversy next…I need to hear “Little Red Corvette”

@ARed I agree with the walking…I was listening to a talk radio show and this lady had been living with this man for 17 years and he would not marry her…they had children and everything. I will never forget when I was talking to this guy and he was so mad with his daddy. His daddy never married his mother (they lived together and had children), but his mother died when he was 18 and his daddy married the new lady within 2 years…he was sick over it.
As for the walking…I have the gift of goodbye I do not mind leaving anything if it is not working out. I will pack up my tears, broken heart and pain and go on…I always pray on my decision and talk with the person…it’s a wrap.

Demi

July 27th, 2009
9:52 am

Richard Jefferson…is a wise man. Too bad many people would have still choose to going along with the program, in order to save face.

I am with A.red…So not worth it!!

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 27th, 2009
9:54 am

Morning good people!

Purple Rain, purple rain! Fond memories!

Professor – Glad you enjoyed the lemonade! I made a batch for the luncheon/dinner and everyone loved it! And yes, it went GREAT! Both pasta dishes, the salad, bread, everything went over well and they tore it all up! It was a nice change from bbq.

On topic – I had a lightbulb moment with 2 guys in my past. It was after my dad passed in 2006. 2 men I had been seeing alternately on and off for years. I realized they were not ready, were never going to be ready, were not really there for me during my time of need and we were just going nowhere. So, I said in 2007 I was taking out the trash. Eliminated them from my life and I could not have been happier.

As for men, yeah I do believe they get a lightbulb moment and either they are ready and are going to marry you or they are not.

Amred – I’m like you, just don’t have it in me to wait, persuade, cajole, trick, beg, whatever a guy into marrying me. Thats a recipe for disaster and I would never be happy or secure in the marriage.

W8©

July 27th, 2009
9:55 am

“When men figure out the woman of his dreams is closer to the nightmare, does it happen in the same way?”

Yep.

Lioness-

July 27th, 2009
9:56 am

TONS of desperate women out here and it is ever so sad!! There are also a BUNCH that say what they won’t do or put up with and are the main ones sticking in it for the long haul of BS..

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 27th, 2009
9:57 am

Amred – I saw Jefferson’s ex on GMA. She had a great attitude about it. The interviewer kept wanting to instigate some mess with her, but she kept it classy. She said he really did her a favor by breaking it off.

Best decision for all involved I think.

Pretty Wings

July 27th, 2009
9:58 am

Good Morning!!!

Yes, I have had that light bulb moment, when I knew that the man I was seeing was the man of my dreams. The realization was overwelming because I had never felt so organically connected to another person than I did when I was/or was’nt with him.

The lightbulb moment that lets you know it’s not working is different for everyone, but for me in a relationship was when I realized that his desire to get married and have the perfect wife/life was more important than just being with someone that cared and had mad love for him ……

Yes, I meet men who want to get married……………

Have a great day and I check in later

Grace

July 27th, 2009
10:00 am

TONS of desperate women out here and it is ever so sad!! There are also a BUNCH that say what they won’t do or put up with and are the main ones sticking in it for the long haul of BS.. Lioness :wink:

AmazonRed™ - it's already a grrrreat day!

July 27th, 2009
10:00 am

I saw Jefferson’s ex on GMA. She had a great attitude about it. The interviewer kept wanting to instigate some mess with her, but she kept it classy. She said he really did her a favor by breaking it off

kimmie – I’ma need his ex to teach a class.

“How to fall in love, but not make a lifetime mistake and still come out a millionaire.”

Lioness-

July 27th, 2009
10:04 am

Grace- Ya know.. A lot of chicks living a LIE out here!! Be true to yourself at all times :mrgreen:

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 27th, 2009
10:05 am

Amred – O-kaaayyyy!! LOL!

W8©

July 27th, 2009
10:05 am

“The interviewer kept wanting to instigate some mess with her, but she kept it classy.”

Wow, what a concept. Yall have a great day, read you tomorrow….be breezy!!

Kym-I am the mystery in the room

July 27th, 2009
10:08 am

You know considering I stayed friends with those guys that long I guess I am capable of a long term relationship..ha. Who knew?

Melo (not Demi)

July 27th, 2009
10:10 am

There are also a BUNCH that say what they won’t do or put up with and are the main ones sticking in it for the long haul of BS…

Love will have you doing some strange things:

chick in love: You want to put it wheeere??

dude: Up the dudu hole.

C.I.L.: Okay

M'

July 27th, 2009
10:14 am

Sounds like both Jefferson and his former fiance made the right decision for both parties…I wish more ppl would have the sincerity of thought to recognize the potential for an untimely commitment issue…and do the right thing.

Professor...ahhh

July 27th, 2009
10:15 am

I agree she handled herself with a lot of class on GMA. I know it was heartbreaking, but she is doing very well and I have mad r-e-s-p-e-c-t for her (I am using my Aretha voice).
As for an epiphany I had a light bulb moment after my father passed when I graduated from college. I realized my ex (seven years older) did not have any drive and was content with wasting money and never focusing on any long-term plans. I knew that was not the life or relationship that I was welling to endure any longer.

Professor...ahhh

July 27th, 2009
10:16 am

Melo…it is too early for that…

How are you?

Name (required)

July 27th, 2009
10:18 am

I had a “RUN AWAY” lightswitch moment when a girl I was dating mentioned that she was a virgin and wouldn’t have sex until marriage. At 25ish years old. Yeah, that was our only date. I have never bought a car without test-driving it first.

I don’t recall a lightswitch moment with my wife, however. It just grew to a point where I knew my life wouldn’t be complete unless she spent it with me.

Lioness-

July 27th, 2009
10:20 am

Name-I don’t recall a lightswitch moment with my wife, however. It just grew to a point where I knew my life wouldn’t be complete unless she spent it with me.<– Feeling THAT!!

AmazonRed™ - it's already a grrrreat day!

July 27th, 2009
10:21 am

LOL @ “Name (required).” Better than being “lurker!”

THE INFAMOUS DOMINICANO DK

July 27th, 2009
10:21 am

R Jefferson is looking like a genius right now.

Merning from the room with the view..

Ahem.. Yeah there are light switch moments to go ahead and light switch moments to stop and go another route. Men are decisive creatures and when something is right we go for the kill and when something is wrong we walk away.

OK off topic. 55,000 dollars a month for spousal support. I think this is ridiculous and no woman deserves that kind of money if she didnt help make it. If she sat home while he was amassing his fortune fine but to come along and have a baby and get that kind of money is insane. This is the nonsense that makes men not want to marry because there is no incentive to do so but there is a cautionary tale around every corner to prove the point why he shouldnt get married. The courts punish dudes for leaving a marriage and it doesnt matter if she was sleeping with the entire Falcon roster, a dude would still end up at fault and have to pay up. Ladies ya’l cry independant all the time until it comes to divorce court then ya’ll become very dependant.. Im just saying..

Melo

July 27th, 2009
10:22 am

Good morning!!
that wasnt me Proff but Demi
Not coming in early today except to say,if u from Jonesboro,smebody is proly phlucking ur dog!! :lol:
check ajc…..

Demi

July 27th, 2009
10:24 am

playing along

Melo…Sup bruh!!

Demi doesn’t remember Melo posting this early

Professor...ahhh

July 27th, 2009
10:25 am

Melo I realized it was Demi after I sent submit.

That is nasty about the dogs…it is still too early for that…

I like “Name (required)”

SexyCool - Rising to the top

July 27th, 2009
10:28 am

Three Words Daily – Live with Purpose

Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)

July 27th, 2009
10:37 am

Ladies, do you find that the men you are meeting and dating want to get married?

The last guy I DATED wanted to get married at some point in the future but there were a slew of other things that weren’t right or ready..therefore marriage would’ve been a HUGE mistake that I’m glad I didn’t make. Now the guys I’m MEETING are just looking for a quick hit or a “cut buddy” and I’m not that in the least so so much for that.

Have you ever had a light-switch moment with a man when you realized that he was the man of your dreams? How did you handle it?

More and more often the guys I meet/encounter/run across are trying to run as much game as possible….thinking I’m Lisa Lunchmeat or sumthing, so suffice it to say that as I’ve yet to have that light bulb moment with ANYONE. I’m not saying never….just not yet.

MORNIN’ BLOG FAM :mrgreen: I HAD A FAAAABULOUS WEEKEND!!!! :D :lol:

Lioness-

July 27th, 2009
10:41 am

Sassy- Lisa Lunchmeat <– :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Morning Sassy ;)

Demi

July 27th, 2009
10:45 am

Now the (guys/gals) I’m MEETING are just looking for a quick hit or a “cut buddy” and I’m not that in the least so so much for that.

LIGHTBULB

A reflection of ones self, no?

Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)

July 27th, 2009
10:46 am

Lioness what’s up chica?…hadn’t heard that lisa lunchmeat in a while,huh. I couldn’t help it….

Lioness-

July 27th, 2009
10:48 am

Sassy- I am WONDERFUL :D I haven’t heard that in a LONG while :lol:

Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)

July 27th, 2009
10:51 am

No Demi not me. When I’m out I’m very well put together from head to toe, if I must say and usually the guys are so obvious that it’s offputting and just plain crass. However I understand your question about it being a reflections of one’s self b/c we can attract what we’re putting out…whether we know it or not. For the record it all I wanted was the wood men are quite easy in that regard. I said it….get at me. :lol:

SexyCool - Rising to the top

July 27th, 2009
10:55 am

I meet really great guys – all the time. I just find that sometimes we are not in the same stage of our life’s journey or not on the same page of the same book. It happens. I have learned to not look at it as a reflection of me, but as a part of life’s journey. When it’s said that ALL things work together for the good, it really means ALL things. I just see each encounter as a part of the ALL.

My light bulb moments have more to do with self-realization than with the realization of others. The ability to be self-aware is a gift from the Universe for which I am eternally grateful.

abc

July 27th, 2009
10:57 am

Regarding off-switch moments, sure, I think it hits everyone when enough badness accumulates. You just get to the point when you say, ‘done’, my thermometer just popped out, my pot boiled over, time to get out of the heat. I get out, I stay out — done is done.

Mo (aka Moeisha-)

July 27th, 2009
11:00 am

Morning Ya’ll! Weekend was great, now its back to the monday grind.

I have met quite a few dudes that said they wanted to get married which I thought was cool. We werent on the same page but that didnt mean there wasnt someone out there for them with the same goal in mind.

SCool – I agree with this “My light bulb moments have more to do with self-realization than with the realization of others”. I remember calling off an engagement b/c I had a lightbulb moment. It was definitely b/c I realized that I was in NO WAY ready to be anyone’s wife. Saved a lot of potential grief for myself and old boy