Everything Old Is New Again
The results of the Great Male Survey 2009 from Askmen.com are in. I eagerly anticipate this each year (no sarcasm, really) because it’s like getting a small peek into a cross-section of men that are in my dating pool. From what I can tell, modern men are still big on tradition: “When it comes to the romantic front, everything old is new again” I feel that this is a great thing to hear, for the most part. That doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with some of the ideas that come with that though.
The Dating & Sex part of the survey had a lot of great questions. I would be interested to hear some of our male readers to respond to the first five: Do you believe that you have a soul mate? What is the most important personality trait that makes a woman “relationship material”? Is it important for a girlfriend to have “wife potential”? Do you believe in marriage? How important is it to you for your future wife to sign a prenup?
Ladies, the Great Female Survey was given by Yahoo’s female portal, Shine. Same questions for you: Do you believe that you have a soul mate? What is the most important personality trait that makes a man “relationship material”? Is it important for a boyfriend to have “husband potential”? Do you believe in marriage? Do you want your future husband to sign a prenup? Would you sign one?
Some of the numbers surprised me, what do you think about the responses?
Happy Friday everyone!
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584 comments Add your comment
Leggs
July 24th, 2009
10:56 am
Good morning everyone!
Do you believe in a soul mate? Yes, I do!
Personality trait for relationship material: Honesty, Consideration and Empathy.
Husband potential? Yes, but don’t want one. Just a long-term committed relationship
Marriage? I’ll try my best not to go that route again.
I certainly believe in tradition and my tradition is I order my own food.
Prenup? Not necessary, but have no problem either way (requesting one or signing one)
@Rell, your new email address is a hoot!
@Lioness, isn’t your b-day 7/31?
Cemeeli
July 24th, 2009
10:57 am
I still stand by what i said. And the media is wrong for even mentioning that Obama was wrong for saying what he said about the incident.
Here we go. Like i said…it gets OLD.
Leggs
July 24th, 2009
10:57 am
WOW, blog machine switched the order of my responses. How is that possible?
SexyCool - Don't lick the humpback.
July 24th, 2009
10:58 am
What say you political people about The Family by Jeff Sharlet? I haven’t read it yet. I’ve just been hearing about it.
The Real Rell - The most interesting man in the world
July 24th, 2009
10:59 am
@abc…i said the same thing..he should have just chilled and hit the county in the pockets
something similar happen to me when my house was robbed in 2005 cop shows up..i am outside he ask for my id even before entering the house..he goes back to his car runs my stuff…oo he wanted proof of insurance for my vechile as well..then he enters the house and ask me is this all my stuff checking in closet and all type of stuff while i am standing in the kitchen like they came in thru here…i was pissed i filed a complaint but you know the outcome of that..in dekalb
Raqi
July 24th, 2009
10:59 am
Peach I know a lot of married men that are happy being so. I know of a several men that are wanting and looking to get married.
The thing is for men nothing has really changed over the years in the role that men play in the marriage. Since the beginning men have been providing and protecting in the union. The change is on the “wifey” side because many women don’t “need” or want that from a man these days. IMO men just see it as being a man, but many women view it as being belittled or giving up some sort of right.
Tazzee - in need of some beach time
July 24th, 2009
10:59 am
Morning Folks!!! I haven’t read the responses, I wanted to get mine in first:
Do you believe that you have a soul mate? I believe I have soul mates. Male and female, there are people that my soul simply connects with on a spiritual level that extends beyond the regular. In the context of a romantic relationship, yes.
What is the most important personality trait that makes a man “relationship material”? Difficult to name one – really it is, but I’ll have to go with he must be considerate of others. I thought to say ‘unselfish’ but we’re all selfish to a degree – so I need him to be able to forgo self and be considerate of my needs/desires.
Is it important for a boyfriend to have “husband potential”? Yup.
Do you believe in marriage? Yup.
Do you want your future husband to sign a prenup? Would you sign one? Nope but I would have no problem signing one. Mainly because he has children and I wouldn’t blame him if he wanted to make sure they were protected. Although I think that could be accomplished with a solid will – if that were the case then nope.
I’ll have to read the responses in the article later.
HAPPY FRIDAY
M'
July 24th, 2009
11:00 am
@ABC
I am a major fan of Skip Gates, but I think that I must concur with a comment by Roland Martin that this may have been an issue of tempers flaring. I am still weighing the factual information before I make a decision. Something is missing in the recount of the story. Did the officer’s tone and demeanor convey in inappropriate inquiry to Gates? Did Gates react predisposed to the pre-existing issues regarding the allegations of profiling by the Cambridge PD?
Melo
July 24th, 2009
11:00 am
The President was way out of line in his commentary on the case
He was honest enough to put a disclaimer in the beginning of hiz commentary,”Proff Gates is my friend, so I am biased”
As a black man,he did the right thing even tho he acknowledged he didnt know all the facts.
I wld have called him a pantsy had he not broght up black profiling in this country.Racists cops are on notice coz they know,they will be called out.
The Real Rell - The most interesting man in the world
July 24th, 2009
11:01 am
Obama was wrong for saying what he said about the incident.
- i agree….the president cant have personal feelings about something…last time a president had personal feelings about something it got us into a dayum war…let O pass on this one
btw – i hate king goodell…i mean the nerve of this man..the dayum nerve…
abc
July 24th, 2009
11:03 am
The charge was for being unruly with a police officer, details of which are a little vague. The actual charge is ‘Disorderly Conduct’. Investigation of a possible break-in became a domestic disturbance, brought on by the resident himself, in giving the cop a bunch of crap.
This cop followed procedure to the letter. Given one of the courses he teaches to recruits is entitled ‘Racial Profiling’, he is literally the definition of how to avoid racial profiling in the police department that protects the town where Harvard is located. You can expect that they’re not ill-informed on the topic.
Cemeeli
July 24th, 2009
11:04 am
@ Melo – You said what i’ve been thinkin on the last 3 days about this whole Cambridge and Gates issue.
Call the mess out and handle it.
Cemeeli
July 24th, 2009
11:05 am
M’ Ditto.
I’m done. I’m not politic driven too hard, i keep a file just for keeps.
Raqi
July 24th, 2009
11:05 am
The fact that the man is a personal friend made it even worse. He should have got all the facts and spoke accordingly. The thing about a true friend is they will tell you when you are wrong.
The Prof should have just let them search the house like it’s their job to do and then be out. From what I hear the Prof started with the remarks about the man’s mother or some other stuff.
AmazonRed™
July 24th, 2009
11:06 am
Do you believe that you have a soul mate?
I don’t believe there is only one person that “completes” me. I belive there will be men I have more chemistry with, but ultimately, there is more than one guy I could have a lasting marriage with.
What is the most important personality trait that makes a man “relationship material”?
A strong sense of commitment. You never have to stay in a relationship.
Is it important for a boyfriend to have “husband potential”?
Of course.
Do you believe in marriage?
Depends on the day. I do ultimately believe in it, but I don’t believe many people have the mettle to make it last long term.
Do you want your future husband to sign a prenup? Would you sign one?
I’m not into prenups, but I’d sign if he asked me to and as long as I could add my own rules to it.
abc
July 24th, 2009
11:07 am
Now, having said that, it’s a daily occurance that a case of police brutality hits the news. People die from excessive use of police force every day. I don’t trust a cop’s judgement, period, and the way I deal with them is to avoid them at all costs, whether they’re on or off duty, whether they’re in church, socially, anywhere. I don’t like cops. But this case isn’t racial profiling.
Police brutality being so common is what leads me to say that Gates is lucky he didn’t get hurt. Cops of all races beat up and kill people of all races unnecessarily, for relatively non-violent and trivial crimes, in many cases. Our culture celebrates it, as evidenced on TV and in film.
The Real Rell - The most interesting man in the world
July 24th, 2009
11:07 am
I don’t believe many people have the mettle to make it last long term.
- do you?
Hell most folks dont realize the “work” until day 1 after the honey moon period is ova
C tha 1
July 24th, 2009
11:09 am
The real question regarding the Gates/Cambridge police officer situation is Why would any media outlet want to know Pres. Obama’s opinion regarding such when he’s giving a press conference on healthcare reform!? Something aint’ right. True past presidents have been asked about their opinions on sports, and current events, but the media asks this man his opinion about everything in popular culture!
C tha 1
July 24th, 2009
11:09 am
Enter your comments here
Raqi
July 24th, 2009
11:10 am
Yes abc the man was doing his job. I wonder what would have been the issue had the cop been black and doing his job??? Or would there even be an issue???
The man was just doing his job. I bet you had he not fully done his job and the Prof was offended by that, he would be recieving ridicule just the same for not doing his duty because the resident is black.
Cemeeli
July 24th, 2009
11:12 am
Wow.
If my friend was in trouble. I don’t care WHAT Office seat i hold. I’m not gonna turn the “cheek” on him/her.
At it’s finest.
abc
July 24th, 2009
11:13 am
Frankly, I’d expect an AA cop in Atlanta to do exactly the same thing as that white cop in Cambridge, only the risk of injury to the suspect would be far, far greater. The most cop attitude I’ve ever personally witnessed was from AA cops in New Orleans. Don’t mess with cops, period, just do whatever it takes to appease them and (hopefully) get them to leave. That’s just my opinion though, like I said, I have absolutely no use for cops.
Melo
July 24th, 2009
11:14 am
You can expect that they’re not ill-informed on the topic
maybe so,but u tell me a crook is not a good candidate to teach others how to be a good crook??
Dont believe the police report either,what do u expect?? for it to incriminate the police officer??
If u heard correctly,Profdessor was arrested when he followed the oficcer,asking him for his ID and name.Thats how the Disorederly Conduct came about.To me that suggests,the officer was done veryfing that the dude lived there.
He was pissed that the guy stood up to him to ask him for that detail.Officers dont like that,esp from a black man.
U still dont believe that??
Why was the charge dropped if it were legitimate??
I did smethign like that way back.A cop stops me on I-85,my car was brand new, i was on speed limit,nothing amiss.
He steps to me,ask for id etc,and evething checks.Why u stop me, i ask?? Oh,ur lights were bright.I say,my lights arent bright now,what u mean,what changed them to deem then,i aint tched them.
“Sir??,step outa the car”" Went ahead to give me a ticket to go to court.I go there,case dismissed!
A black man must keep quiet,thats the message in this country
Raqi
July 24th, 2009
11:16 am
Ctha1 that’s why he needs to choose his words wisely. He is under the spot light. There is a way to give an answer and not say a damn thing. Sometimes at work someone will ask me a question and I will answer it in a way that they can’t even say I said yay or nay about it.
I had an associate of a friend ask me once during the break at a couples seminar “how often do my husband and I have sex”, I answered “as often as needed”. I gave an honest answer that didn’t say anything.
The Real Rell - The most interesting man in the world
July 24th, 2009
11:16 am
Why would any media outlet want to know Pres. Obama’s opinion
@CTO1 – The president knew about the question…all questions are pre-screend and approved….plus he waited until the end…the president is tired of being nice…he is showing that he has a tough side or he can be the “decider”…..thats all this was about…craft…if you dont see that…then…..hell he was on GMA this morning like a man caught cheating by a women..he was smiling and deflecting questions….like i dont have anything more to say
Cemeeli
July 24th, 2009
11:16 am
@ C tha 1 – True.
If Bo take too long doggy walks the Media wants to know WHY Sasha and Malia wasn’t marked late for school/class.
Leggs
July 24th, 2009
11:16 am
Perhaps I missed something, but a neighbor called the police because he thought someone was breaking into the house. Doesn’t he know what his neighbor, Mr. Gates, looks like???
THE INFAMOUS DOMINICANO DK
July 24th, 2009
11:18 am
Obama shouldnt even have weighed in on it. I was to low level for him.
Cemeeli
July 24th, 2009
11:18 am
Put on a show for the Media.
The Obama family never portrayed that. I ain’t never seen it, at least.
Raqi
July 24th, 2009
11:19 am
Cemeeli that’s not turning. Just because I am your friend doesn’t mean you should automatically take my side. Especially without knowing all the facts. If I am the one that wrong say so.
AmazonRed™
July 24th, 2009
11:19 am
As for the Gate’s situation, I believe both parties were power happy. The cop had the badge and cuffs though, so he wins.
I’m sure once the cop got hold of Gates ID, it could have ended there, but since Gates was still going, so the cop did too. Neither person was the bigger person.
It would be different if something suspicious had not being going down at the home. Two men trying to force open a door is suspicious. He wasn’t being targeted, the police were rightfully called. He didn’t roll up on Gates out the blue.
i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)
July 24th, 2009
11:19 am
RE: Cambridge case — Without actually witnessing the incident, I wouldn’t say for certain, but based on what I’ve read, I’m inclined to agree with abc on this one. I have a feeling this particular case had less to do with race and more to do with a cop feeling the need to exert his authority. But really, who can say at this point? And I do agree that it was premature for the president to comment on the situation. Wait for an investigation, get all the facts, then comment.
Professor
July 24th, 2009
11:20 am
Melo I agree with you
Poppa Grande
July 24th, 2009
11:20 am
Cee
f my friend was in trouble. I don’t care WHAT Office seat i hold. I’m not gonna turn the “cheek” on him/her.
It is best that you stay out of politics. It wasn’t racial profiling. I think that it turned into a battle of testosterone. The cops requesting proof and Prof. Gates feeling offended having to show proof. Both sides had issues with the other’s person’s tone and it got out of hand.
As for Pres. Obama, he wasn’t there. So, he doesn’t know what went on. His opinions are just that his opinions, but being that he couldn’t look at it objectively, he should have passed on answering the question.
I mean he has acted so cautiously in speaking on other in other matters. Remember he told that reporter that he “likes to know what he’s talking about before he speaks”. This case seems like he didn’t do that.
It is a shame that he didn’t think before he spoke. He words about the Gates incident are undermining his health care reform. What matters more?
AmazonRed™
July 24th, 2009
11:23 am
Doesn’t he know what his neighbor, Mr. Gates, looks like???
I don’t think it matters, but besides, I’m sure his back was to the street, making it hard to tell.
Not only that, if he lived there, there would be no need for him to be breaking in doors. It’s a suspicious enough activity to call the police. Besides, had it really been a burgler, he would have been grateful to his neighbors.
The Real Rell - The most interesting man in the world
July 24th, 2009
11:23 am
Doesn’t he know what his neighbor, Mr. Gates, looks like???
-Leggs.. true story…i worked with this white guy that was like a security nut..he had camera’s all in his house..he would remote into his computer from work and watch his house..well one day his wife was home and she called him at work all frantic..like there are three BLACK GUYS just staring at our house from the nieghbors deck….i am calling the cops..they are trying to break in his house and looking at ours..this fools runs out the bldg and speeds home…i work in tucker and he lives in gwinett….so about three hours later he comes back..everybody is like you ok…how the wife etc…this nut(the wife) say some dayum dummies left on the deck by the next door nieghbor…thats his job he is a puppett master and he left some dummies on the deck..and his wife thought they were trying to break in….white dude says THERE ARE NO BLACKS IN MY SUBDIVISION….this happen last year
Lioness- My Birthday Week Begins TODAY!!
July 24th, 2009
11:25 am
Melo- Went ahead to give me a ticket to go to court.I go there,case dismissed!
A black man must keep quiet,thats the message in this country<– Black man or woman!
When I had my NY plates, they had a field day with my car.. I live in Cobb county
Cemeeli
July 24th, 2009
11:25 am
@ Raqi – But that’s the difference in “show-up” for what wrong when the decks are against you. I am not about to look the other way when some Timothy The Media Expert ask me was it wrong or right.
Simple solution: Call a Spade a Spade.
M'
July 24th, 2009
11:28 am
Well, the racial profiling may have been in the call to the police…as the alleged perps were described as 2 black men.
Look, we know that racial profiling exist…and we know that racism, racial ignorance and insensitivity, racialism ain’t going no where…some form of it has been a part of civilization for nigh 800 years (read Racism: A Short History by George M. Frederickson)…human nature is inclined to form biased opinions of “the other” by perception…we, as a ppl, need to look more closely into ourselves and situations in order to determine the content of racial association with an issue…we also need to learn to be more objective and rationale about racial situations.
Hey-ale…I am a bigot…I have biases about ppl based on varying criteria of identity…so be it…and there are times when I am prone to use these criteria as well…but I learn to control how I articulate my bias/bigoted opinions of others…I how that to my God consciousness to first attempt a more humane expression of perceived or real differences…and I also attempt to discern how my race, class or gender have come into play with an issue before I label it a discriminatory act…did it happen because of these factors or did it happen by way of human idiosyncrasies colliding?.
Cemeeli
July 24th, 2009
11:29 am
@ PoppaG – I’m standing.
No, i’d never be able to play in Politician Puppet Theater.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit ... :-)
July 24th, 2009
11:30 am
Does that mean you’d be doing Gail?
No I wouldn’t Swissie….lol. I wonder if Gail even has a man…or maybe she has a girlfriend who knows?
What’s up M?…had to keep it real with the 9:57 you know I sho do thanks you, chirl
Mo (aka Moeisha-)
July 24th, 2009
11:30 am
TGIF Err’body!
Do you believe in a soul mate? Of course
Personality trait for relationship material: Respect, Honesty & committment
Husband potential? Yes
Marriage? I want to be married again so yep
Pre-up: depends
Would I sign one: Depends
abc
July 24th, 2009
11:30 am
Cops are going to be aggressive with anyone that gives them crap, regardless of race. That’s what I’m saying: ALL cops are this way, intentionally and by design, to ALL people. We’re supposed to think the cops are our friends, they’re around to help us? Come on. To a cop, everyone is a suspect and a perp, just like to a doctor everyone is a patient, to a politician everyone is a voter.
I’ll admit my bias, though. I just don’t like cops. It takes a certain personality to be a cop, and it’s not something that I find appealing in the slightest.
Kym-I am the mystery in the room
July 24th, 2009
11:30 am
I agree I think this is a case of his story/his story and the truth and it was a case of tempers getting out of line. A neighbor snapped a pic of the “incident by the way. And for the record that one officer did not response to the house alone. There were other officers there. I believe this was a power struggle. Mr. Gates went high and to the left and so did the officer. This is not a race thing this a my balls are bigger than yours thing.
AmazonRed™
July 24th, 2009
11:30 am
Hmm…post got eaten.
Leggs – It doesn’t matter if the neighbor knew what he looked like or not. The activity was suspicous, why would he have to be breaking in to his own home? And because the driver was helping, the neighbor could have thought Gates was being taken hostage or held at gun point or something.
And had he been an actual robber, Gates would have been grateful that the police were called.
mytw♥cents...Lambiquitous Negro Clarifier
July 24th, 2009
11:31 am
I believe in multiple soulmates, different ones feed different things at the time you need.
I believe in marriage, just don’t believe it’s for everyone.
Every interest cannot possibly be marriage material
Necessary quality humility. Also essential is being a willing participant.
I can’t imagie requiring a pre-nup but can’t imagine having an issue with signing one. In theory
THE INFAMOUS DOMINICANO DK
July 24th, 2009
11:33 am
But seriously who wouldnt have been pissed about a cop tripping on you at your house. Everybody knows how Police act and especially when you dont care that they are Police officers. I talk them exactly how they talk to me, so if they are talking to me in their crazy police tone I talk to them back that way and give them my Lawyers card. Usually they know who he is and know that he’s no joke. Heck I take him with me to traffic court so I dont have to wait in line to get stuff straightened out. See I’ll admit it I’m from the NWA “F the Police” mindset because I have seen them do way more wrong than good and people have to understand a Black Male doesnt get the same courteous, mannerable and respectful approach as anyone else. I myself have asked to get out of my car and on my knees with my hands behind my head. Only to be let go afterwards and the reason was “They felt like stopping me”.
Raqi
July 24th, 2009
11:35 am
And we are still on topic…Everything Old Is New Again.
AmazonRed™
July 24th, 2009
11:35 am
Grr…blog wizard
M'
July 24th, 2009
11:35 am
owe to my …oops