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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

The Truth Is, You’re Sexy (For Now)

My friend Ian was talking about the two women he was interested in recently. One of them is kind, has a lot going for her, and is attractive. The other is “stunning”, a little distant towards him, and is giving him mixed signals.

I asked him which one he got along with the best and he said they both are cool. But he thinks that Ms. Attractive has the potential of losing her looks. At first, I thought this was an extremely shallow way of thinking.  Then I thought about Ian and his obsession with his own looks.

I believe a lot of people have this fear about themselves and sometimes they project it on others. I suppose it’s a real concern for him personally, therefore, he thinks the same way about his future wife.  If you are seeking a long-term partner, do you ever worry about their looks fading?

Perhaps you’ve heard the following before: If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, Never make a pretty woman your wife. A man is only as faithful as his options. So basically the theory is that when it comes to relationships, the more attractive you are, the less likely you are to be a good partner. I don’t know if I agree with this or not. What do you think?

Do extremely attractive people make bad partners? Do you think that you invest more in a relationship if you are less attractive (or think you are) than your partner?

Where and how do you think a person’s looks and their character intersect?

629 comments Add your comment

East Point's Own

July 23rd, 2009
8:24 am

A lot of very attractive people become overly involved in the world of good looking people. I mean they get into everything free, get discounts/freebies, get jobs easier, etc. Eventually they can become disconnected from the rest of the world. They have their own circles of good looking people they circulate in and after a while its like they don’t even see regular folks, they can begin to think they are better than the rest of the world. It really kills me when folks criticize or look down on others due to their natural physical features.

But yeah, unless a very attractive person was raised to be level headed and not to feel a superiority complex they can be hard to deal with.

East Point's Own

July 23rd, 2009
8:26 am

I think its all a part of the plan…
Young people are attractive so that they can catch a mate, then as we age looks should become less important, as we should have caught our mate by then, so our bodies conserve energy by not expending energy on keeping things tight and looking good…It’s all a test to see if your mate really has grown to love you.. LoL

http://hispointofview.com

C tha 1

July 23rd, 2009
8:41 am

Black in America 3 hosted by Solodad O’Brian & Charlie Murphy study
Black People Who Are Convinced Their Sh!t Don’t Stank. The phenomena of colored folk enamored with their striking good looks, seemingly large bank accounts, and an overall glamorous lifestyle. But in actuality they often fail in relationships, are facing foreclosure contemplating bankruptcy, and their glamorous lifestyle becomes clouded by their surprising addiction to cocaine and/or perscription drugs.

C tha 1

July 23rd, 2009
8:48 am

Excuse me that’s Soledad O’Brien

ImAPeach404

July 23rd, 2009
8:49 am

I get really really “weird” when a man constantly makes comments on how I look. I don’t like it. It’s too much pressure! Makes you feel like if they catch you on an off day he might not be interested anymore!

I’d much rather receive a compliment on my sense of humor, personality, level of intelligence… things like that because I know they will remain constant and they make me who I am. The way I look has nothing to do with anything.

As to the question if attractive ppl make bad partners – I’ve seen plenty of not so attractive people who were bad partners. Think about ugly dudes who are in relationships with average to above average women (and vice versa) and cheat. Bad character comes in all types of packaging!

All this talk about looks… for some reason, Tiny just popped into my head. Interesting…

Я♀qi…So sexyyy yeah…

July 23rd, 2009
8:57 am

This is some Bullsheet Dee-Vah!!! Bull. :wink: (Now I will ramble)

Extremely Attractive does not make bad partners, but self-centered conceited shallow azzholes and bytches do. And you know good looks do not make you automatically a good partner either. But who am I to say that since I am just an everyday plain Jane myself.

The cure for bytchiazzholeness is a big wedge of humble pie rammed down the throat. Not every man want a Raqi.

SIGH Now that I got that out of my system…really???
The thing about beauty, there will always be someone else that is more beautiful than you. My mother taught me that and then I grew the hell up and saw that she was right.

If a pretty face is all that it takes to make someone happy in a relationship especially in the long term sense…Wow.

The thing about good looks, when you are with someone that you love for reasons other than their looks, you just aren’t that conscious of their appearance in normal everyday living.

My husband is a very handsome chap, but I don’t take notice to it every day. I don’t sit around just gazing, ooing and awing at how gorgeous he is. I have other things to think about that are way more important. Hell when he makes me angry he doesn’t get a pass because he is handsome. When I make mention of his good looks he just says “if you say so”.

When my husband tells me that I am beautiful, it serves the purpose that it needs to serve at that moment then I move on to other things.

To be beautiful and yet dumb as a box of rocks… To be beautiful and have a repulsive personality…

Yeah, yeah we all get with someone who is easy on our eyes. I wouldn’t have it any other way. But really, when it comes to choosing a partner for the long-haul, for life, ‘til death, looks fall from the top of the list.

Now let me take my sexy little behind upstairs and make my bed.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

July 23rd, 2009
9:05 am

Good morning blog fam :mrgreen:

So basically the theory is that when it comes to relationships, the more attractive you are, the less likely you are to be a good partner. I don’t know if I agree with this or not. What do you think?

There are some very attractive men and women who, b/c of their looks, have become self absorbed and feel entitled….so much so that some tend to treat others as if they are truly expendable. On the other hand you have some people who are very attractive but very grounded as well and it shows in their character and how they treat others.

Buuuuut i have to also piggy back on what Peach said about the fugly dudes cheating….I’m like wha’?….one would think they’d be a little more greatful b/c even though we may not want to admit it, we live in a very image conscious society that’s obsessed with looks and youth. So one would think a less than attractive person would want to hold onto and cultivate a nurturing relatioship instead of cheating….that goes for both men and women.

Not Judge Grace :)

July 23rd, 2009
9:06 am

Good morning, We are all beautiful whether it’s shown on the outside or comes from within.

If you are seeking a long-term partner, do you ever worry about their looks fading? That thought never crossed my mind. Looks are the lest of my worry. How his heart is, that’s my worry – will he continue to be good to me.

As I look around there are a lot of attractive divorced people so my guess it that looks is not the glue that holds two people together.

Professor...

July 23rd, 2009
9:14 am

My Daddy always told me that being pretty didn’t mean a damn thing and I need to get something in my head. He also told me there is nothing worse than a dumb pretty or a nasty woman. Long story short I have never relied on looks and always strived for excellence.

I think pretty people can excel in relationships and make their partners happy.

@EPO- In my mid 20s although I was the best candidate for the job I was almost not hired. Apparently the hiring manager told one of the VPs he was going to hire another candidate besides me, and the VP said that surprised him because I was by far the strongest candidate. The hiring manager told the VP that because of my looks he could see the guys going crazy and that would just cause problems (I have witnessed managers doing this too in my career). Long story short the VP rallied for me and I was offered the job, however the VP had a talk with me asking me if I was ever harassed to come and talk to him and allow him to make it right instead of filing a lawsuit.

Mike Jones (who)

July 23rd, 2009
9:18 am

Beauty is only skin deep, But ugly is to the bone! lol

Looks are what catches your attention and personality is what keeps your attention.
There is no rule that better looking you are the better the worse you will be in a relationship, it all depends on the person.

AmazonRed™

July 23rd, 2009
9:19 am

Morning all.

No I don’t worry about my partner’s looks fading. That’s kind of inevitable, though many men do look better with age.

If I were to worry about anything on the physical scale, it would be that he got fat. You have more control over that.

However, I do believe that beautiful people DON’T have to work as hard. Whether they recognize it, accept it or not, beautiful people get away with more stuff. Folks are more willing to let someone string them along if they happen to look good. Just IMO.

But at the end of the day, looks will get you in the door, but character will sustain you. So no one should rest on “being pretty.”

Lioness

July 23rd, 2009
9:22 am

Good Morning All :mrgreen:
I could care less about my potential husbands looks as long as we love each other and have a plan with one another, that is all that matters to me :)

Personally, I was never the type of person date “cute” guys cause I always felt that they were into themselves.. I am a cute female but I am very humble :)

mytw♥cents...Lambiquitous Negro Clarifier

July 23rd, 2009
9:23 am

Ian…my very favorite boy name. Well, it’s tied with Jackson, but I digress. Ian seems to be lacking in depth.

Mrs. Aufton Izza started it so, I wanna use some profanity too (well my version.) You might be sexy as fu *bleep* to one, yet not make the next dude blink. I think there’s a potentially for people who have been convinced that their looks are the bulk of their value who have come to exert less effort in life, love and even love making. They say hey, my skill set is in the physical, so I’ma just show up. But that would require them to place little value on their other qualities, be lazy, and worse, willingly be used all the time. I’m gonna hope that’s a small sub group. Ultimately, you invest more in a relationship that you have the most vested interest in. (Now there’s a topic…half these folk runnin round here whose vested interest ain’t the love. Shocking, but I can be naive like that.)

P.S. Yes, if Raqi jumped off a bridge, I would do it too. I know she ain’t gonna do that, tho.

Lioness

July 23rd, 2009
9:27 am

Professor- WOW!

Mike- Beauty is only skin deep, But ugly is to the bone!<– You are DEAD WRONG for this one!! :lol:

Ared- That is very true but it is sad how many people rely on their looks..

The only thing I REALLY think about is my tata’s sagging before their time :)

Rell - the smartest man cant outwit the dumbest women

July 23rd, 2009
9:28 am

Enter your comments here

AmazonRed™

July 23rd, 2009
9:30 am

The only thing I REALLY think about is my tata’s sagging before their time

:lol:

That can be fixed.

Rell - let vick play!

July 23rd, 2009
9:32 am

does wieght gain count…thats my biggest fear someone letting themselves go….looks…er whatever…all that fades with time anyway

but i will say this…and some may not agree..but whenever i approach and extremely attractive women i dont have a problem…with either talking with her then or later..meaning a number close…getting the digits…moving along…dates..sex usually come into play fast….but whenever i talk to someone that has average looks….according to society not me..but you get the picture…i have the HARDEST TIME…meaning they are not recpetive or claim i am not there type or something like i like to take it slow or lets be friends first..go figure.

but it never fails..whenever there is a beauty and all the fellas are just looking an talking amougst themselves…i will step to…thats how i bagged this argentina beauty years ago while walking thru the mall…i just step to

Not Judge Grace :)

July 23rd, 2009
9:34 am

Professor seems as if the VP put his job on the line with harrassment by forwarning you about future harrassement.

Lioness

July 23rd, 2009
9:36 am

Question: What makes a person extremely attractive?

Pretty Wings

July 23rd, 2009
9:37 am

Good Morning All!!!

Great Topic WD! There are so many men/women worried about the wrong thing!

Just because a person is attractive does not mean that they will make a bad partner, what makes a person a bad partner is that they are not for you (hopefully you’ve both taken the time to figure that out). I personally would never choose a mate by just looks alone, nor his potential to lose his sexual prowess – hell anything can happen….I’m going for love and raw compatibility. There has to be love and respect from the deepest part of his heart.

If the woman or man treats you like crap and is overly concerened with themselves, I don’t care how good he/she looks, it’s time to move on.

I really like Musiq Soul-child’s line that says “I will love you until your hair turns gray, just as long a your love don’t change”.

Check in later…………..

Not Judge Grace :)

July 23rd, 2009
9:38 am

thats how i bagged this argentina beauty years ago while walking thru the mall -Rell hmmm I wonder if you and the Gov from SC bagged the same lady j/k :lol:

Cemeeli

July 23rd, 2009
9:40 am

Morning….

This topic is interesting….i will read on after shimmying my way to have breakfast.

So far, there are some good post guys. I really don’t have much to add right now.

Raqi your post pretty much summed up what i feel about “cosmetic driven relationships”.

And Professor I’m sorry you had to deal with such unprofessionalism in the job/career force. It’s funny you mentioned NOT gettng a job because of good looks, when in most instances folks get jobs because of their good looks.

Oh – I agree with your daddy 100%.

brb

Rell - let vick play!

July 23rd, 2009
9:41 am

@grace…we could have…lol..

@lioness….what makes a person extremely attractive….lol…you babe..you and that fine tall drink named ared are extremely attractive…i coudl not contain myself when i was in her presence..i was so shy i could not bring myself to approach her…day um she fine…and i heard you the bee knees as well…with breastee’s…lol

Lioness

July 23rd, 2009
9:42 am

Grace- :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

This is the ISH

Keep on believing
All the dreams inside of you
And don’t stop achieving yeah
Let some love shine on through
And don’t fight the feeling
Keep on dealing
Everybody, keep on moving
Cause I know we can get it over, so baby

mytw♥cents...Lambiquitous Negro Clarifier

July 23rd, 2009
9:42 am

PERNT You always have an interesting perspective. I think God has a sense of humor tho, so your theory could be so.

RELL Ever consider this… the extremely attractive is probably used to being tried by every tom, dick, harry & rashad. She may give her number out by rote and play the I’ll ig his calls and he’ll get the hint eventually card. -Cuz ladies will testify, sometimes it takes lotsa time and energy to convince him of why your conversation should truly end there.- Whereas the average woman could be well aware of what she’s looking for so doesn’t feel like she has to entertain the request just cuz dude is asking. <– Lotta fellas mistake that.

East Point's Own

July 23rd, 2009
9:44 am

Professor… This is ture, very good looking women can get the short end of the stick when it comes to hiring, especially if other females are doing the hiring, or there is an enviornment full of guys who might not be able to control themselves…
But overall studies show that good looking people have more opportunities than folks who are not thought to look so good. Also men who age poorly tend to have a harder time getting jobs than similarly qualified good looking men according to some studies.

http://money.cnn.com/2005/04/08/news/funny/beautiful_money/

Kym-Is very proud of myself!!

July 23rd, 2009
9:45 am

Good Morning All,

I see we will be swiming in the shallow end of the pool today. Honestly I think so little about looks(except height) but heck even with that I have dated short guys(they have complexes). I cant say that looking a dude I thought hmmm I can’t be with him because he may get fuglier later on. If anything I am hoping we have something more in common than bumping uglies and football. MuSt LoVe FOOTBALL!!!

East Point's Own

July 23rd, 2009
9:45 am

Tall men make more on average than short men, and thin women make more on average than overweight women.

mytw♥cents...Lambiquitous Negro Clarifier

July 23rd, 2009
9:46 am

W :shock: W

CUTIEEEEEEE Back from hiatus. When’s the anniversary of your birth?

AmazonRed™

July 23rd, 2009
9:51 am

The ArTist

July 23rd, 2009
9:57 am

Question: What makes a person extremely attractive?

For me t could be anything, a certain look, a walk, the way she smiles
It just has to be something unique about her that makes say “Dmnnnnn I like that!”

Rell - let vick play!

July 23rd, 2009
9:58 am

get really really “weird” when a man constantly makes comments on how I look. I don’t like it. It’s too much pressure! Makes you feel like if they catch you on an off day he might not be interested anymore!

OO FA REAL…whats your phon namber…lol

@2cents….huh….naw love i dont get that….i am telling you from my xperience and this mine alone…i gets no problems…not saying they all bite..but when they do…they all in without all of resistance…now the other women…they try to make me jump thru hoops or whatever lil silly test they have to show them i am just not out for the panties…but hell ALL MEN ARE OUT FOR THE PANTIES…lol…some just play the games better than others….

Cemeeli

July 23rd, 2009
9:59 am

Lol…if someone doesn’t hurr’ up and get Sassette some STeeler Nation on her T.V.!!!

EastPoint I read that same study concerning attractiveness, height, weight, and such when i was a Hiring Manager. True, it is very common. Sad, but true…

For Real

July 23rd, 2009
10:01 am

What up Blog Fam!

Yall need to stop lying to yourselves if you think beauty isn’t 80% of what you look for in a mate. The 80/20 rule is all about the physical.

- He got to be 6ft

- She can’t get fat

- I tried to kiss him but I couldn’t cause he ugly

- Dayum she fine as hell, if only she had a face to match (but Imma hit it)

Does those sound familiar? Lets be honest no one wants to settle down for life with someone that ages into Barbra Bush. Now as for looks having anything to do with a relationship being “good” or “bad” well that BS. Character is glue not looks. However, with this I, MY, ME society that we live in, everyone thinks they are beautiful and fine as hell regardless of what the mirror says. Now I will end with my famous quote for those Beautiful people:

“YOU DON’T GET TO TELL ME HOW VALUABLE YOU ARE TO ME! I DETERMINE YOUR WORTH TO ME!”

abc

July 23rd, 2009
10:08 am

I don’t focus that much on looks. Most folks look just fine, pretty normal. Standards of beauty change constantly, based mostly on media jiveness. For the most part, if a person is normal weight, good hygiene, with a pleasant disposition, they’re attractive enough to attract a suitable mate.

Some people are more challenged by their own appearance, due to obesity, genetics, whatever. Some folks are more challenged by their opinions of other peoples’ appearances. I like the former group better than the latter.

Professor...playing my song

July 23rd, 2009
10:12 am

Cee/Lioness/EPO I was grateful that the VP spoke to the hiring manager and let him know that the culture of that organization needed to change. And he did put himself out their having a heart to heart chat with me and he did it in a very professional manner.

I will say this; I have gotten spiteful comments at work like I see why they hired you when the hiring manager was a man from other women. I usually say something like yes I think my three degrees made the decision easy.

Off topic: I cannot go out during the week…whew I am tired the martinis (I am not a drinker) did it to me. Prince-Roger-Nelson is going to have to get me through the workday.

Kym-Is very proud of myself!!

July 23rd, 2009
10:12 am

@Cee You can say that again!! Some chick trying to hem Big Ben up on a civil suit for rape…Steve McNair dead and now Mike Vick is back on my damn tv. It’s all too much.

Can someone please tell me how to bold and italic thangs? Thank you in advance

Lioness

July 23rd, 2009
10:16 am

Professor- Tell them to kiss your prettay tail!!

Professor...playing my song

July 23rd, 2009
10:17 am

I meant Rogers.

What makes a person attractive? To me it is the mind and the way they treat others first and far most.

Professor...playing my song

July 23rd, 2009
10:18 am

Thanks Lioness! Girl I could write a book, correction I am going to write a book about some of the crazy stuff I have witnessed.

Lioness

July 23rd, 2009
10:20 am

My Two- DARLING :D I am Bizzack!

Cemeeli

July 23rd, 2009
10:21 am

Sassette Ben is getting pinned for attempt to rape? Or is that actual rape? :eek:

@ Yep – VICK IS FREE. :)

SexyCool - Live Strong.

July 23rd, 2009
10:22 am

Three Words Daily – Know your worth.

Cemeeli

July 23rd, 2009
10:23 am

@ Professor – Again, sorry you havta endure the snide, smirkish comments. But that just shows how this society is driven or, lack there of.

Lioness

July 23rd, 2009
10:24 am

Professor- To me it is the mind and the way they treat others first and far most<– I agree!

Some dudes can’t handle having a convo with an attractive woman and take it for what it is worth. Just cause a woman is chit chatting with you, doesn’t mean she wants to get to know you any better than that convo..

AmazonRed™

July 23rd, 2009
10:30 am

Ladies, what compliment do you hear most from guys: pretty, beautiful, cute or sexy?

SexyCool - Don't confuse hate with jealousy.

July 23rd, 2009
10:31 am

I prefer attractive over not.

I prefer tall over short.

I prefer in-shape over fat.

It’s just the way I am.

However, over the long haul in a relationship (after the bond is established, the love is there and the commitment is made), I would be more concerned about my partner’s health. And since I lead an active lifestyle and prefer to only get involved with those who are active, perhaps, together, we will have a better chance of living, long, healthy, happy lives together.

Professor...playing my song

July 23rd, 2009
10:33 am

@Cee thanks! It is crazy…once you add race and age to the pot you have a mess, but I say my Prayers and affirmations every morning so I am GOOD! I just wish people could walk in my stilettos before they start judging me…that my friend is my only wish.

@ Lioness…girl are you my one of my kinfolk? Some guys cannot handle the convo. I had a male friend just this year send me a nasty text saying if I wasn’t interested I should have let him know…WTH. Interested in what I have known him for 15 years and I thought we were just catching up…where did that come from?

Since I am listening to Prince…ohhh I love this song:

Baby, baby, baby
Can’t u stay with me tonight
Oh baby, baby, baby
Don’t my kisses please u right
U were so hard 2 find
The beautiful ones, they hurt u everytime

Paint a perfect picture
Bring 2 life a vision in one’s mind
The beautiful ones
Always smash the picture
Always everytime

Lioness

July 23rd, 2009
10:33 am

I would be more concerned about my partner’s health.<–Couldn’t agree more!

Lioness

July 23rd, 2009
10:35 am

Professor- ;)
YOU BETTA NOT START WITH PRINCE!! I LOVE HIS MUSIC!!