We Can’t Be Friends?
If you have ever started out as friends then started a romantic relationship, sometimes a funny thing happens. Honesty has no place in the new relationship. At least, not the same honesty that existed in the friendship. The dynamics of a love relationship can transform the way individuals relate and communicate with one another.
Why do you think that is? Why can’t a man and woman be friends and be in a relationship? Are there some complicated rules and expectations in relationships that don’t work in a friendship?
Have you ever been friends with someone for a long time and then became romantically involved? Did the “full disclosure” that you had as friends leave when you became a couple?
What about emotional honesty? Why do women say they want their man to be honest about their emotions, then get upset when they say something that hurts their feelings? Are we sure we want all that honesty?
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606 comments Add your comment
Raqi...I hear the secrets that you keep...
July 22nd, 2009
2:15 pm
Melo when I was growing up the young guys in my circle of friends took pride in getting a job and having their own. Now not so much.
And I am not even talking about slinging dope rather than working. I will give the slingers credit for “working”. But there are some lazy folks out here these days that will live with mama until she can’t take care of him and then he will find some woman to lay up on.
That’s a 3 way wrong. Most parents used to give you a good shove and get your behind out there on your own to feet. And the back most young men wanted to get out of their mother’s house and do his own thing. And you found less women that were willing to take care of a sorry man.
Everything has pretty much gone awry. But that don’t mean because it is thus so anyone has to fall prey.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit is on the look out for whateva's cleva :-)
July 22nd, 2009
2:15 pm
I’m glad I dont have review mirrors
Oh really?…..I wonder why THAT is…
W8©
July 22nd, 2009
2:16 pm
LMAO@ some of the stories my female friends have told me about their cut buddies who have caught feelings…I didnt know women were out the pimpin it like that…I knew us fellas did it..but the women are beast also..just like us…..
You, been seeing him, and I know
And I was with her, and you knew about it
But I was too bli-i-ind to see it baby
And you was out here doing the same thing as me
I wanna ask, has he been by the crib?
Has he been in our, car?
And did you let him, drive?
Cause she’s been by the house
She’s been in the car
I’ve even let her push the Porsche around a couple times
Ohh, we were so the same
I don’t know why I can’t see it baby
And it ain’t a point to feeling blue
You’re just like me and I’m just like you
You’re just like me
Shorty all up in the club
Popping bottles of that Bud
Giving all them dudes hugs
And you just like me
She don’t know how to act
On the floor back in the back
Man I can’t be mad dapslyrics
She just like me-e-ee-e-e
She just like me-e-ee-e-e
She just like me-e-ee-e-e
She just like me…
Demi
July 22nd, 2009
2:16 pm
Neg…you are most likely to get a woman preg that way.
Raqi...I hear the secrets that you keep...
July 22nd, 2009
2:17 pm
separating ourselves from those of lesser standards
abc Exactly. People should be proud to have standards no matter what negative feedback you get.
Lioness
July 22nd, 2009
2:18 pm
Demi- Yes I have BUT a King bed is necessary.. Shoot that ish over there somewhere
W8©
July 22nd, 2009
2:20 pm
@Sassy- It means I live with no regrets and I do what I feel..lol..”no review mirrors”
Lioness
July 22nd, 2009
2:20 pm
Friends can have sex.. I think there is nothing wrong with it actually as long as there is an understanding.. Now sexing an ex is a WHOLE notha story.. Not healthy AT ALL!! NO matter how much wang you are NOT getting in your current relationship..
Melo
July 22nd, 2009
2:21 pm
abc,i agree completely.
I have a boy and some girls in my neighborhood(2 houses away) that are waywad.I believe they live with a grandmom,some brother,cousins etc.I have not seen anybody there that seems to look like the parents.
When they strays into my yard or loiter in some of my neignbors,im hesitant of even telling tem anything coz im not sure if it will be perceived correctly.The kids on that proeprty are just so wayward unlike kids in the rest of the subdivision.
M'
July 22nd, 2009
2:22 pm
@W8
The bane of my life is that I do not drive anymore…so pub trans is how I roll…but do not get me wrong, I can get around…lol…pays to be cute
Sassy Me...juicy fruit is on the look out for whateva's cleva :-)
July 22nd, 2009
2:23 pm
I didnt know women were out the pimpin it like that…I knew us fellas did it..but the women are beast also..just like us…..
There are some women who do it and do it well but not all and the same goes for men. The average man does think that women can’t play that game well but here in the “A” it’s a whole other ball game.
Kym-lets have some fun this beat is sick..I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
July 22nd, 2009
2:23 pm
So what is the topic now? I need a blog break.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit is on the look out for whateva's cleva :-)
July 22nd, 2009
2:26 pm
W8, per your 2:20 keep that in mind when you go abroad in a few weeks, as I’m sure it’ll make a big difference….don’t hurt yourself(or anybody else) whilst you’re “across the water”.
Rell - the smartest man cant outwit the dumbest women
July 22nd, 2009
2:27 pm
@melo..you scared of some kids…dude pls…tell dem lil bas tards stay out ya yard…..all you ahve to do it tell one time…or walk to the mailbox with your gun so they know what time it is…most kids are just fo show….not fo sho…i wish a lil aggin would…
Melo
July 22nd, 2009
2:27 pm
and then he will find some woman to lay up on
and the cycle continues Raqi
most likely,they will be rugrats born outa that union,they see and experience the drama of the parents and they grow and do their own drama……
while we on it: Watch black in america today on CNN!!!
Jamoca - Do You Feel Me?...Cuz I Can Feel U...Tell Me If My Msg Gettin' Thru?
July 22nd, 2009
2:28 pm
Sassy – I wondered the same thing, but I read here a few folks who have the inside scoop to where dis igga’ been hiding all this time. I think I may just checkout his webpage, since I did read that was in the process of dropping another album, but because a lot of his fan base had already downloaded some of the songs for free, it may have somewhat contributed to the delay. Word is that he still does a few live shows. I’d love to see him live myself or with some friends. Because if a man takes me to see him and may be a select few, he better not even bother picking his lips up, asking me what’s up later on that eeed’nin’ (evenin’)…he’d already know. LOL
http://www.dctobc.com/2008/11/where-is-bilal/
Rell – it’s like that for a lot of us. I know those moments you speak of…the speak/sing the same melody to our lives and/or past experiences. I rideout like that on the “innastate” to the lyrics that hit real close to home and can really blow on several of them. Some of my folks get real quite and just listen when I’m singing…saying “I can tell, you feelin’ that song.”
Some lyrics just bring it out of you. Like sitting in the sanctuary and listening to the preacher and you’d think his sermon was being preached just for you. I sometimes feel that way about certain songs/music.
Melo
July 22nd, 2009
2:31 pm
@melo..you scared of some kids…dude pls
not kids per see but adults.
I see the kids,how they contact themselves,how they react to other adult neighbors and i take my cue from there.
Its not the kids problem really,its the problem of the adults in their lives.
Lioness
July 22nd, 2009
2:31 pm
Yeah, I’m a Taurus…they say that we’re patient lovers…Are you a Scorpio, Cancer, Capricorn? On the cusp?
If you should feel thirsty, I’ll be sure to bring you water
Yes, girl I got candles that will slow burn longer
And I know your favorite love song
and how you like it on repeat
Me, I was born a patient lover
so I’ll start with your feet
it would be like
when hearts beat as one
it would feel like
no ordinary kiss
You and I
now close your eyes
and picture us
breathing life
I’ll do my best to inspire you
to dream of us til we meet again
You may even be encouraged
to take a walk so we can love again
the Most High outdid herself when
she created you
and girl I am thankful
for how our love has bloomed
Demi
July 22nd, 2009
2:32 pm
W8…I use to be cool with this Madame back in the day…err…I was bless during that time frame. There are a lot of women in atlanta with mad game…be having dude paying car notes…while blessing Demi, LOL.
NOTE: Demi has zero game…I am just real.
W8©
July 22nd, 2009
2:32 pm
And Im out!!!! Peace!!
Raqi...I hear the secrets that you keep...
July 22nd, 2009
2:33 pm
Kym we are talking about why does the A/C service tech always arrive 2 minutes before the latest time that they say they will get here, why must he insist on making small talk up here with me when the A/C unit is outside and the area that it cools is downstairs and why do I feel creepy and want to call my husband to come home.
Dude just go do what you were hired to do.
Grace
July 22nd, 2009
2:34 pm
im hesitant of even telling tem anything coz im not sure if it will be perceived correctly Melo I’m totally opposit. When I see kids doing something they have no business doing, I tell them and then I ask them where do they live and what’s their moms and pops name. I’ll ask the young men (and old in some cases) to please (key word) pull up their pants while in my presence. Thank God I’ve never had any problems getting my face bashed in, or cussed out. God is truly looking out for me. But to sit back in fear of what they may or may not perceive is not a solution to the problems it still takes a village to raise a child let’s not forget that. If my child was out doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing I would appreciate someone steppin to him/her setting them straight.
W8©
July 22nd, 2009
2:35 pm
@M- Well let me know what your schedule is like..I Need that wall and curtains done asap..Thanks!!
@Sassy- I know the A is a totally different beast that is why I am thankful for all 30 of my female first cousins..they schooled me well growing up here..you take your run of the mill b- list player (male/female) to any other city and he will rack up for real
@Demi- Back in my prime I have ahd one woman buy me a loft downtown, One buy me a jaguar and another buy me a motorcycle…ya boy was a beast…but like I said “I dont have review mirrors”..dont yall judge me
Demi
July 22nd, 2009
2:37 pm
Demi is amaze at y’all ability to listen to the song on the radio and understand the hellz they’re singing about, LOL…I am getting into R&B now…so I am contently asking someone what’s a song is about…unless I find the lyrics on line
Sassy Me...juicy fruit is on the look out for whateva's cleva :-)
July 22nd, 2009
2:37 pm
Because if a man takes me to see him and may be a select few, he better not even bother picking his lips up, asking me what’s up later on that eeed’nin’ (evenin’)…he’d already know.
True…true!
Yeah I bet that would be an awesome show…and after seeing that you KNOW what time is iah(is). I remember when I saw Chico DeBarge and Joe a few months ago….I was thinkin the same thing…shawty you know what it iah BUT too bad I was solo.
Demi
July 22nd, 2009
2:38 pm
W8…LOL
Grace
July 22nd, 2009
2:38 pm
Yeah, I’m a Taurus…they say that we’re patient lovers – ooooohhhhhh Lioness try ssssslllllloooowww….don’t forget stubborn as heck LOL. I refuse to date anutha Taurus or Gemeni…
M'
July 22nd, 2009
2:39 pm
@W8
you got mail
Melo
July 22nd, 2009
2:40 pm
Grace, the kids stay 2 houses away and the grand mom barks at them,within earshot.I already know what her mouf is like when she talks to her kids.I dont talk like she does in the presence of my kids,and hardly in the presence of a stranger.
So like i said, i take my cues and keep it moving.
Leggs (Feeling Frisky)
July 22nd, 2009
2:40 pm
@Grace/Melo, I too speak up. I have a bunch of kids in the cul-de-sac playing basketball. I always provide them with water because no one else will. Well, just so happen a little boy was sitting on the curb playing with a lighter. I watched him for a while. I saw him pick up a stick and attempt to light it. That’s when I stepped in and called him over to my doorstep. Naturally he put the lighter in his pocket thinking I hadn’t seen him do it. I scolded him about the dry grass and how easily he could start a fire and burn all of us down (had to put a little fear in him). I asked for the lighter and he said he didn’t have one. Told him I saw him put it in his pocket. I was hot at this little snotnosed kid that I wanted to put my hands in his pockets and get the lighter myself. I knew I couldn’t do that so I put fear in him instead! But, I had to hold myself back from patting him down.
Cemeeli
July 22nd, 2009
2:42 pm
Kimmie Shalaya They did the finger thingy. Which is my favorite.
O I feel so much beter now.
Kym-lets have some fun this beat is sick..I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
July 22nd, 2009
2:42 pm
@Raqi why engage in the small talk? If someone is creeping me out I get quiet I dont nod or acknowledge just get quiet and let them talk themselves out. This usually moves them along.
@W8 I am not sure how old you are., but I know the “A” you speak of now was not the “A” I grew up with I am a native. I don’t like the references or the people..especially these NN’s running around blinging and flossing(but that is a whole other Oprah that will get me going.)
Cemeeli
July 22nd, 2009
2:43 pm
Kym What you do for your b-day?
Demi
July 22nd, 2009
2:43 pm
Jamoca…who is the artist?
M'
July 22nd, 2009
2:44 pm
Mayne, I remember the day when a neighbor could call your folks and say [insert parent name] I saw [insert child's name] do [insert wrong deed]..and that was all it took…well, then the switches came into play…ouch.
Demi
July 22nd, 2009
2:44 pm
Kym…you both are around the same age range…give or take a year or two.
W8©(on the blackberry)
July 22nd, 2009
2:45 pm
@Kym- I am just a tad over my mid 30’s I am a native as well..the tide to me started changing in 1998-99..My reference to my cousins schooling me was just the lletting me really know how women operate the good and the bad.. Now all these NN’s is funny..that is why..even on the blog I tend to get along with Natives better…
M'
July 22nd, 2009
2:46 pm
So y’all peeps get you orders together and email me when you ready to get started…needs some legit work…lol
Sassy Me...juicy fruit is on the look out for whateva's cleva :-)
July 22nd, 2009
2:46 pm
JAMOCA PLEASE STOP IT!!!! THAT 2:40 IS THE SHIZNIT…..Ooooh I stright killed ‘em with that…..dang now you’ve got me reminiscing and stuff.
Lioness
July 22nd, 2009
2:47 pm
Grace- I am a Leo.. Libra’s, Aries & Picese’s are not my cup of tea.. I have a friend that is a Taurus & she is straight up crazy.. My very good friend is a Scorpio & is HIGHLY emotional but she has an AMAZING heart! She will do WHATEVER for me as I will her
I happen to be with a Scorpio now..
Leggs (Feeling Frisky)
July 22nd, 2009
2:48 pm
Yeah M, those days are over…now the parents want to fight you for telling on their bad a$$ child.
Lioness
July 22nd, 2009
2:48 pm
Jam- NO YOU DIDN’T.. OMGoodness.. LAWD!! Girl..
Sassy Me...juicy fruit is on the look out for whateva's cleva :-)
July 22nd, 2009
2:50 pm
Jamoca you just wrong….I can’t get that song out of my head……I feel the need to make a phone call…….no get thee behind me Satan….
Lioness
July 22nd, 2009
2:52 pm
Sassy- http://www.imeem.com/kimpossible/music/PlGrcDw5/intro-come-inside/
Angie
July 22nd, 2009
2:52 pm
*Why can’t friends just have sex?* because of ppl like me. lol.
hey CUTIE! . . . W8, whatchu doin’?
M'
July 22nd, 2009
2:52 pm
@Leggs
So true…and so sad…the concept of a village is gone…just warring tribes and such…IMO, the reason that they do not want you telling them about their bad arse chaps is b/c they know that they are not doing their job…did you read about the mother who killed her 4 kids…and an acquaintance testified that she had seen the moms letting the kids (then 3 and 4) smoking pot…WTF!??!??!
Mo (aka Moeisha)
July 22nd, 2009
2:54 pm
Jamoca – girl you posted my jam in that 1:58!! That was a song that I didnt share cause it was so hott!! That slowly by Tank
Lioness
July 22nd, 2009
2:54 pm
Hey Angie
Grace
July 22nd, 2009
2:54 pm
I happen to be with a Scorpio now..- that explains all that dizzle talk…… Scorpios are some highly sexual creatures
Lioness, I’m an Aries…go figure!
Raqi...I hear the secrets that you keep...
July 22nd, 2009
2:54 pm
I don’t speak to other folks kids unless they are in my house. We are not living in those days anymore. You can get killed trying to correct and discipline people’s kids these days. I don’t have to ask kids out of my yard because we don’t have that in our neighborhood. In fact we don’t have a whole lot of kids on our street.
If a kid is doing something and there parent is there I will sometimes say something to the parent. Like once I was in the grocery store and this little boy was trying to climb the shelves. I told the mother like the idiot she was “I wouldn’t let him do that if I were you. He may get hurt”.
I remember the last time I said something to a woman’s kid that woman looked at me as to say who gave you permission to say anything to my child? So from then on if need be I will say something to the parent.
Now there was a case where this little…sigh…this little girl keep ramming a cart into the back of me while standing in the line Walmart. I gave her that look and she gave me that look make like “I know I am hitting you with this cart and imma keep doing it.” Well I asked the mother “ma’am can you please get your child?” She told her to stop. Now yall know that little heifer was out to get me now. She went to push the cart in to me again, I slyly yanked it and then pushed it back quite firmly, it hit her in the mouth. She stopped then.