We Can’t Be Friends?
If you have ever started out as friends then started a romantic relationship, sometimes a funny thing happens. Honesty has no place in the new relationship. At least, not the same honesty that existed in the friendship. The dynamics of a love relationship can transform the way individuals relate and communicate with one another.
Why do you think that is? Why can’t a man and woman be friends and be in a relationship? Are there some complicated rules and expectations in relationships that don’t work in a friendship?
Have you ever been friends with someone for a long time and then became romantically involved? Did the “full disclosure” that you had as friends leave when you became a couple?
What about emotional honesty? Why do women say they want their man to be honest about their emotions, then get upset when they say something that hurts their feelings? Are we sure we want all that honesty?
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606 comments Add your comment
Mo (aka Moeisha)
July 22nd, 2009
12:17 pm
Pretty Wings – I came in like
and was like “well dayum…” LOL! Wasnt expecting all this freakiness so early in the week, and then its not even 2pm.
The Oracle
July 22nd, 2009
12:19 pm
Do not waste yours or a man’s time if you do not know self first. Take time to self identify your basic needs. Once you know self, the man will appear and you will know how to react accordingly.
Pretty Wings
July 22nd, 2009
12:20 pm
@DJ Demi- You jamming……….I love Shaggy.
Demi
July 22nd, 2009
12:20 pm
snappy…Lawd, that word is making a come back, LOL.
W8©
July 22nd, 2009
12:20 pm
BOLO on Kimmie and my pie..(BOLO= Be On the Look Out)
Medium height red woman nice shape with baking skills is wanted for questioning…..suspect promised to bake a pie and has not been seen in the past two and a half to three weeks….there is a reward for anyone that may help in the procuring of said pie..
God Bless America and Go Dawgs!!
Lioness
July 22nd, 2009
12:20 pm
Mo- Some people may be backed up..
Demi
July 22nd, 2009
12:21 pm
Pretty Wings…baby, that was Mad cobra – Flex. LOL
"Longtime Lurker"
July 22nd, 2009
12:22 pm
@Wise Lurker, I think this post is probably one of your best post’s..kudos to ya!
I thought it was very interesting that mostly women chimed in first, with regards to comments!
My take on this situation is this…..Men and women can be friends, before a relationship, but the problem is nobody is taking the time to establish a friendship, when they meet someone of real interest! Most folks jump from “how ya doing” to the bedroom, within a matter of a week to a month and don’t know anything about the other person!
Women tend to meet men and size them up pretty quickly, then put them in either the HELL NO category, POTENTIAL CATEGORY or the most dreaded FRIEND ZONE otherwise known on the street as “FZ” No man wants to evvvva fall in the latter, but most do because (a) they run they mouth too much and blow their chances of advancing to round two (b) they offer too much advice on ish and become that dude that women want in their corner to find answers and solutions to solve problems with other men or (c) they have long-term potential, but are not where that woman needs them to be at the point they meet.
I have said it before and I will say it again, for the newbee’s…..”Women control when and if dating happens, men control when and if marriage happens!” There are no grey areas in these two!
A man may be interested in a woman to date, but ultimately that woman has control over who she will date to a certain degree! But on the flip side, just because she is interested in a particular dude that does not mean that dude will be interested in her!
She also has in most case control over the pace of the relationship and the building process of that relationship! If she stands out and sets herself apart from the previous women that man has dated and clearly shows that she is an asset and not a liability, in most cases, that man ( when he is ready, willing and able ) will offer to marry her!
So in closing, the woman should set the tone as to where the friendship should start and where the relationship should begin! If she allows that man to fast forward past this phase, then there will never be a foundation in the relationship and most men will loose a certain respect for her, because she did not outline the boundaries of building a friendship first and a relationship last.
Demi
July 22nd, 2009
12:23 pm
Once you know self, the(woman)will appear and you will know how to react accordingly.
Yep yep!!!!
Lioness
July 22nd, 2009
12:23 pm
Demi- That is what I thought.. Pretty wings is thinking about Shaggy’s lanky tail
kimmie
July 22nd, 2009
12:23 pm
W8 – Wait.
Going to lunch.
W8©
July 22nd, 2009
12:24 pm
@Prof/Lioness- boooooooooooo
@Demi- Snappy is making a come back? Snappy Nappy Dugout?
Leggs (Feeling Frisky)
July 22nd, 2009
12:24 pm
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA @Infamous! From what I’ve been reading, doesn’t seem you need your ego stroked often.
Wait, wait…I almost forgot what Ego now means. I’m actually blushing but going to post this anyway!!!
DJ Demi
July 22nd, 2009
12:26 pm
@lioness…time to up your DJ skillz bey:
I’m what you want
I’m what you need
He got you trapped
I’ll set you free
Sexually, mentally
Physically, emotionally
I’ll be like your medicine
You’ll take every dose of me
It’s going down on isle 3
I’ll bag you
Like some groceries
And every time you think about
It you gon’ want some more of me
Bout to hit the club
Make a movie yeah rated R
Pulled up like a trap star
That’s if you had
(In the car)
Have you ever made love
To a thug in the club
With his sights on?
87 Jeans
And a fresh pair of Nikes on
On the couch, on the table
On the bar, or on the floor
You can meet me in the bathroom
Yeah, you know I’m tryna go…
Pretty Wings
July 22nd, 2009
12:27 pm
The biggest compliment that you can ever give someone is when you spend time with them, I don’t know about y’all but I’m not wasting my time!
Enjoyed you all today. Gotta go,make it a great afternoon!
Mo (aka Moeisha)
July 22nd, 2009
12:27 pm
Lioness – LMBAO! Maybe…
Lioness
July 22nd, 2009
12:27 pm
I think Maxwell said it BEST:
Please you tease you eat you
Make you feel so good inside
Loving you long if that’s alright?
Gonna take you in the room suga’
Lock you up and love for days
We gonna be rockin baby till the cops come knockin
The Oracle
July 22nd, 2009
12:28 pm
If you have been dissatisfied with certain areas of your life, you should take time to consider what thoughts, speech and feelings you are giving your energy to.
You will have what you say and if you continually dwell on that which you do not have, you will not have it. Your situation today is only a temporary situation. You have the power to create your reality because reality is not real, it is what you make it.
W8©
July 22nd, 2009
12:29 pm
How are yall so horny in the middle of the week? geesh…lol
Raqi
July 22nd, 2009
12:30 pm
Thinking back to the days before our coupling the marido and I talked a good bit and confided in each other as friends. After awhile we began to exchange quite a bit of compliments. The talking and sharing with compliments randomly put is what got us into each other in the first place. Those same things should be a part of what keeps us together.
Men like to be appreciated by their woman. One of the best ways to show appreciation is thru compliments. Women (this woman) likes to be adored by their man. One of best to show adoration is thru compliments.
And compliments ain’t even solely about the physical but can also be praise on an accomplishment or deed. They are just nice to give and receive just because and not just because.
M'
July 22nd, 2009
12:31 pm
@W8
Must be the moon phase or the solar eclipse that got the boot knockin’ vibe rollin’…lol…hey-ale…even I am feeling a rise in curiosity…lol…and that is rare.
Professor (today is wonderful)
July 22nd, 2009
12:32 pm
I need to something good for lunch, and nothing is coming to mind.
@Demi you are on point today…I need to tip the dee-jay.
@W8 ****How are yall so horny in the middle of the week? geesh…lol****
Our weekend “limp” is wearing off so it is time for the next dosage.
Lioness
July 22nd, 2009
12:32 pm
Oohh yeaa sittin here( im lookin at you like that ) sippin on patron somethings on my mind ( you wanna leave wit me tonight? ) its been killin me all night long and I wonder ( shawty let me tell you what im thinking bout ) ooo girl I wonder ( forreal shawty let me tell you what im thinking bout ) it’s the end of the night im thinking you might wanna leave the bar park the car and turn into porn stars
Mo (aka Moeisha)
July 22nd, 2009
12:32 pm
Lioness – I just listened to that song!
W8 – that is what I was thinking, aint it too early in the week for this! LOL
Lioness
July 22nd, 2009
12:33 pm
Professor- Make lunch your heaviest meal
Raqi
July 22nd, 2009
12:33 pm
M’ it’s a new moon tonight.
Lioness
July 22nd, 2009
12:34 pm
Mo- That is the ISH!!!
If the dug out is nappay, why not shave it off??
W8©
July 22nd, 2009
12:35 pm
I failed my mission I didnt give out a weekend limp…nor did I get one…
but I better before I go to Spain..cuz if I dont I am not coming back…lol
Raqi...I hear the secrets that you keep...
July 22nd, 2009
12:36 pm
Weight you know Wednesday are official hump days.
Lioness
July 22nd, 2009
12:36 pm
W8- WOW!! Your lady is SOOOOOO LUCKY to have YOU
Melo
July 22nd, 2009
12:36 pm
Oracle and 12.28
How is that related to the topic at hand??.
U got a motivational career/motivational website u promoting(i see that coming)
Carry on folks…
Leggs (Feeling Frisky)
July 22nd, 2009
12:36 pm
@PurrrtyWings ~ “No Freaky Fri just Wild’n out Wed.” That about sums up the morning conversation.
W8©
July 22nd, 2009
12:38 pm
Baby hair with a woman’s eyes
I can feel you’re watching in the night
All alone with me and we’re waiting for the sunlight
When I feel cold, you warm me
And when I feel I can’t go on, you come and hold me
It’s you… And me forever
Sara Smile
Won’t you smile a while for me
Sara
If you feel like leaving you know you can go
But why don’t you stay until tomorrow?
If you want to be free, you know, all you got to do is say so
And when you feel cold, I’ll warm you
And when you feel you can’t go on, I’ll come and hold you
It’s you… And me forever
Sara Smile
Won’t you smile a while for me
The Oracle
July 22nd, 2009
12:39 pm
Do not be afraid of or deny your sexuality. It is a gift from the Creator.
Learn the fine art of self satisfaction and the cues of your mate’s arousal and you will be able to travel to a state of true oneness. Use the energy within you to creatively express emotions and you will have your own measure of power.
Learn submission, but submit only to him who is capable of leadership and who has vision. Trust in his ability to lead. He will take you to the Promised Land.
Lioness
July 22nd, 2009
12:39 pm
Melo- LMAO!!! There are some DEEP folks with ish to share mayne.. Let them BE Papichulo
For Real
July 22nd, 2009
12:40 pm
What up Blog Fam! I’m at the bar in PF Changs. The first 3 rounds of water are on me!
W8©
July 22nd, 2009
12:40 pm
Yall betta not sleep on the Hall & Oates
and Lioness I am kinda glad you are back but please let’s not start that stuff up again..thank u kindly
W8©
July 22nd, 2009
12:41 pm
For Real- answer your phone…lol..lmao..did you get that text 2 days ago? you are worse than me when it comes to phones..lol
Lioness
July 22nd, 2009
12:41 pm
Oricale!! PREACH CHICA!!! SEX is the ISH!!
East Point's Own
July 22nd, 2009
12:42 pm
THE INFAMOUS DK check out the poem at the end of this video clip of cee-lo on the wake up show
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yf-czOxQVKE
Mo (aka Moeisha)
July 22nd, 2009
12:43 pm
Lioness – SHAVE?!? Oh hecks naw, a wax maybe but I cant put a razor there….
W8 – weekend limp…too dayum funny
Jamoca - Do You Feel Me?...Cuz I Can Feel U...Tell Me If My Msg Gettin' Thru?
July 22nd, 2009
12:43 pm
Hello you all…
ON TOPIC
Yeah, pretty much agree with a few others on the growth of friendship/relationship blossoming at the same time.
Kimmie/Annon – You ladies summed it up really well with your posts regarding how some women decide to take a different approach…especially with a man of REAL interest.
However, I would like to add (IMO)applying a strong and sturdy harness to my intensive charms, has nothing to do with the man, but everything to do with the ME…well at least in the initial…the whole getting to know stages. Because if the man is paying any attention, then it should be obvious that the attraction/undivided attention from my direction, is being reciprocated in other ways.
Best believe if I see you as “just a friend” I’mma show it…and you’re going to feel it, way before I speak it.
Some men mistake the decision as her trying to be seen as a virgin Mary…not hardly the case. At least for me, when I set my eyes, my mind…and lastly knowing my heart will come to play in all of this…my actions will speak so loud, that the man would not be able to hear a dayum thing I previously said anyway. Because by then, I’m making it known, I’m ready and willing to go out of my way and all the way down to the wire for his azz. And the icin’ on the cake is what I’m throwin’ down when it comes to the love-makin’, which is the desired effect at the end of the day.
I mean, is it so terrible for a woman to have the desire to see her man as so much more than just a good ph-ck? Really?
Oh…and cosignin’ the emotional stability.
W8©
July 22nd, 2009
12:43 pm
@For Real- Thank you..lol
M'
July 22nd, 2009
12:43 pm
@Raqi
What Bob Seeger say….blame it on the moonlight…lol…or in this case the phase of the moon…affects me from time to time.
@W8
Now why you wanna rock my song…Sara Smile…why you wanna do that to me…you on the list…lol
Raqi...I hear the secrets that you keep...
July 22nd, 2009
12:44 pm
Learn the fine art of self satisfaction and the cues of your mate’s arousal and you will be able to travel to a state of true oneness.
Oh really???
LOL Just kidding.
Lioness
July 22nd, 2009
12:46 pm
Mo- I have a question about that!!! Please email me you so I can ask a question about it
michellecamille@live.com
W8- Glad that you missed me BUT hate to inform you that I found someone BIGGER & BETTER to play with while I am online.. You will miss me pinching your tail though
TRUST!!
Professor (today is wonderful)
July 22nd, 2009
12:47 pm
W8 what do you know about Hall&Oates, Christopher Cross, Chicago and Patrick Swayze cooning “She’s like the wind?”
Raqi...I hear the secrets that you keep...
July 22nd, 2009
12:49 pm
the cues of your mate’s arousal
Now see that statement goes back to what I was saying about compliments.
There times when you have to ask, but there are times (or should become a time) when your mate can sense you need it. And then there are times when they just feel the desire to give it to you.
Lioness
July 22nd, 2009
12:51 pm
Raqi- I agree.. It is a TWO WAY STREET!!!! At least in the world I live in..
W8©
July 22nd, 2009
12:51 pm
@MO- you are an angel don’t let these heathens get you to talkin about your woman parts…LOL…but I prefer a razor myself…Dont yall judge me.!!
@Lioness-Happy Trails!!
@M’- What list? lol
@Prof- I know about all that