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Complicated

I really dig complex men. Those extremely cerebral types really do it for me. In the past, my questionable choices in men have often backfired on me. I think part of problem was that I was often drawn to the tortured soul. In my head, I glamorized their personality as complex and complicated. Someone who thought deeper, felt intense emotions, and challenged me. Yeah, NO.

The reality was they didn’t think all that deeply, their emotions stayed on the “cold” side, and I wasn’t being challenged, I was being barked at and berated. It took some heart break and a restraining order to realize that crazy is not the same as complicated.

A truly complicated, complex person won’t hide behind empty rhetoric or ambiguity. They may start out guarded, but they will give you access when you have proven yourself trustworthy. Then you peel away the layers and realize that complex can be a very positive attribute.

I don’t want to paint all complex people with the same brush. I still feel drawn to the “complex” type, but I think I have improved my selection skill now. It’s like a hidden prerequiste that I don’t outright tell the men I date that I am looking for in a man.

One of our MIA Blog men, Mr. W8. got me to thinking about this kind of “hidden qualifier”, when he posed a couple of great questions:

What are those things that you know that you want in a potential mate, but you never reveal it? Perhaps you just wait to see if they do (or show) it on their own so they won’t fake it.

Have you ever dated someone and they do (or say something) that you never knew you needed but it spoke to your soul and now you can’t live without it? What was it? How did you handle it?

Is being complicated and complex a liability or an asset on the dating scene?

697 comments Add your comment

Raqi

July 21st, 2009
3:08 pm

Melo Yes you all are creatures of that elite scent also.

Cemeeli

July 21st, 2009
3:08 pm

DARN!!!

rotf

Leggs

July 21st, 2009
3:08 pm

@Infamous, you might be!

Believe if you want that some people don’t text others about the blog and I’ll make you an instant millionaire…who has first dibs??

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
3:09 pm

Sassy- What’s up suga pie?

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
3:09 pm

People need to get lives FOR REAL!!!

W8©

July 21st, 2009
3:09 pm

Above the Fray…woooosahhhhhhhhhhhh

Leggs

July 21st, 2009
3:10 pm

@Infamous, :lol: was to follow. All jokes, all jokes!

mytw♥cents...Superstar

July 21st, 2009
3:10 pm

ANGIE Are you in the building? SUPER ENTHUSED about the breaking hairrcut news…. 2012 you’ll be ready for highlights!!! And disregard W8’s vote against. He just likes the idea of chicks draping their tresses across his naughty body…

Jamoca's the Sweetest Thing You'd Ever Know

July 21st, 2009
3:10 pm

Well, Rell …I’ve never given off the impression that I know so much of anything. However, I do give off the impression that I know more about myself (than anyone here can perceive or speculate) than some of the generalizations made on here about women …from single, to dating, to single mothers, to “that chick that has a past”.

As a matter of fact, I hardly ever have very much to say about your posts…regardless of how offensive, narrow-minded…yet giving off the aftermath of signs when a man is deeply hurting, yet wading himself through the tides trying to get through it…dealing life’s curve balls as best as he can.

So just back up with all that. I hardly ever read many of you mentioning God when it comes to your own spiritual growth and personal journey with him…heck besides 2Can (…and I really, really miss reading the man).

And heck naw, you don’t owe me or anybody else an explanation of why or why not you choose to keep those aspects of your life to yourself. Cuz truth be told, I don’t divulge every dayum thing about myself on here either…this ain’t “My Dear Diary” contrary to popular belief.

But it is an open forum of all of our thoughts, viewpoints or whatever else we care to share.

And here’s a little tip for “some of you” as well: Not all of us ladies here would wait for the opportunity to throw your imperfections, harsh comments, generalizations or anything you’ve divulged that may hit close to home. Some of us here know from just reading that sometimes it’s just something going on a little deeper (complex) and can recognize with great consideration, when one is going through a transition in their lives…based on what they post…without passing judgments or speculation…and are just fine not knowing every dayum personal aspect of a bloggers life.

Again, Those who know recognize it and those who don’t simply speculate. <— And with this here, you ain’t lookin’ at one of those type of folk.

Gerald

July 21st, 2009
3:11 pm

She say that she was surprised, but not totally so. That this had happened in a different friendship before and that she had a sense that it was what I wanted to talk to her about.

And that while she is flattered by my attention, her friendship is too special to even think along those lines.

I asked her if she would tell her friend. She said no.

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
3:11 pm

LMAO @ this blog!!

W8©

July 21st, 2009
3:12 pm

@My2- Hey, I got your TEXT and the photographer is available I dont remember if I responded to you or not. I will shoot you his number.ooooooooohhh MY2…You sent me a text..i am going to tell the blog…lol

Melo

July 21st, 2009
3:12 pm

<strong<someone is bound to be curious wanting to put a face behind the posts…What’s so unusual about that?

Dang,ask that again sweetheart!

Some of uall ladies are so catty omg…imitatation of lyfe?? ha??

thanx Grace!!..we met yet??? :lol: soon honey,soon..

Raqi

July 21st, 2009
3:12 pm

I got a couple of those dryer balls and those things are awesome. I just dried a load of towels using those things, they dried faster and the towels feel fluffier.

Tonight imma put one of these in my towel warmer and wrap myself in it after I get out of the tub.

THE INFAMOUS DK

July 21st, 2009
3:12 pm

Melo – It has nothing to do with smell.. Its all done by sight.. Once the predator identifies his prey he strikes..

Cemeeli

July 21st, 2009
3:13 pm

W8 jus sayin. what chu say? Cause if i remember one post you said…God and azz in the same post.

But i’m dirty south shawty, and i’ll share my “im-human-get-off-my-back-onlyGodcan-judge-me-cast-da-first-stone-i-don’t-giive-a-dayum-what-da-hayo-eva-” card with cha today. …lol

THE INFAMOUS DK

July 21st, 2009
3:13 pm

Melo – Be darned what she smells like until we are up close..

Leggs

July 21st, 2009
3:13 pm

@Jamoca, you are determined to win a prize aren’t you. :lol: W8 already secured first place.

W8©

July 21st, 2009
3:14 pm

@Gerald- well now you know..so what are you going to do now?

Sassy Me...juicy fruit is on the look out for whateva's cleva :-)

July 21st, 2009
3:14 pm

The biggest things I took away from them were #1 – Strive for excellence, #2 – No shortcuts, #3 – Life is short so make the most of it and enjoy each day.

I cosign…..I’m not afraid of much(first God, then my mom when she’s angry and death) but for me death confronts me with my own mortality as well as those around me and it makes me sad, then afraid, and sad all over again. The fact that I really shoud’ve been dead and gone(got hit be a garbage truck while crossing the street) makes me wonder what my purpose here is and the last few weeks have had me in an introspective mood. It’s good to read that some of us on the blog aren’t taking themselves too seriously and realize that there is more to live for and more things to do and ways that WE can make a difference.

Tazzee - in need of some beach time

July 21st, 2009
3:15 pm

back to music

Mo – if it’s made by Yolanda Adams, Mary Mary, Fred Hammond, CeCe Winans – Imma buy that CD. On the secular side, India Arie and Ledisi always gets my $$$ have every CD those sisters have made.

W8 – I feel you on the return to R&B, good music is coming back IMO.

THE INFAMOUS DK

July 21st, 2009
3:15 pm

Yeah WISE Put the email addresses back up.. That was the good ole Days..

Alvin

July 21st, 2009
3:15 pm

(I dont have symptoms right now Page,thankfully!!)

Melo…too funny!!

Cee…Ewwwwww, I am sure Demi doesn’t want his salad toss no time soon!! LOL

THE INFAMOUS DK

July 21st, 2009
3:16 pm

But I remember people comlaining that the e-mail addresses were up and not anywhere else on blogs..

Demi

July 21st, 2009
3:16 pm

Demi…I’ll let Cee do it!!

Poppa Grande

July 21st, 2009
3:16 pm

Jamoca is showing what Mavis Beacon can do for your typing speed.

Lioness-

July 21st, 2009
3:16 pm

Extra people give me a headache!! It is NOT that serious.. GOODNESS!!

Raqi

July 21st, 2009
3:17 pm

WiseDiva let me ask you question does it often get complicated doing this here thing??? Trying to keep grown folks in grown up mode???

Page1908- On set location

July 21st, 2009
3:17 pm

kimmie i like your number 2. sometimes a shortcut seems to be the best way to go, but i know for sure the times i have taken shortcuts, i ended up having to start all over anyway.

Gerald

July 21st, 2009
3:17 pm

I’ll go with my next option.

Alvin

July 21st, 2009
3:17 pm

DK…I remember that as well…it was real cut throat in the old days…

THE INFAMOUS DK

July 21st, 2009
3:17 pm

Leggs – Please some people talk about the blog in their sleep thats how their lover gets the scoop to bring it in here.. Messy I tell ya.

Who’s afraid of the big, bad wolf?
Big, bad wolf? Big, bad wolf?
Who’s afraid of the big, bad wolf?
Tra-la-la-la-la

Page1908- On set location

July 21st, 2009
3:17 pm

W8©

July 21st, 2009
3:18 pm

“im-human-get-off-my-back-onlyGodcan-judge-me-cast-da-first-stone-i-don’t-giive-a-dayum-what-da-hayo-eva-”

@Cee-Exactly,

Melo

July 21st, 2009
3:18 pm

DK, i know,its the animal instinct in me.I watch too much discovery channel and see those liones in the vlei.

When they smell ish,see how they raise their heads and nose??
I was on that one… :lol:

Lioness-

July 21st, 2009
3:18 pm

Raqi- Good Question! SMDH!!

Lioness-

July 21st, 2009
3:19 pm

Page- I see they give you headaches too.. Why don’t they just STOP??

THE INFAMOUS DK

July 21st, 2009
3:19 pm

Raqi – Deez are fluffier..

I’m sorry I know you got a husband but you walked into that one..

Tazzee - in need of some beach time

July 21st, 2009
3:19 pm

But I remember people comlaining that the e-mail addresses were up and not anywhere else on blogs..

Precisely – you can’t win for losing around here.

Raqi what are these dryer balls you speak of?

My sweetie asked me why some of my towels were super soft and some were not – was it the fabric softener? I replied, nope, some of my towels are just cheap :lol: maybe the dryer balls can help make the cheap towels like the more expensive ones :lol:

Raqi

July 21st, 2009
3:20 pm

Mariah Carey….Vision of Love.

THE INFAMOUS DK

July 21st, 2009
3:22 pm

Melo – thats right but you know we aint got no smell like that. I just know I saw something across the parking lot getting out of her car and I had to investigate further. Upon further inspection she had that Booty Do.. Her Booty looks betta than her face do. So I pushed on. But the mere fact that I saw the booty and felt it was my duty.. I was out.

Mo (aka Moeisha-Feeling 'Some Kind of Blue')

July 21st, 2009
3:22 pm

Tazzee – Im with you, I am like the with Lalah Hathaway, Mint Condition and Anthony Hamilton. Gotta add Smokie Norful to your gospel list…

Leggs

July 21st, 2009
3:22 pm

OMG, that was funny Infamous. Yeah, that’s a bit too much.

Page1908- On set location

July 21st, 2009
3:22 pm

Oh yeah Tazzee that’s true. Plus, I guess people who just contact folks who didn’t necessarily wanted to be contacted. *sigh*

Rell - not complex

July 21st, 2009
3:22 pm

@Gerald…you just had to go an do it huh….dude if you would have waited she would have fell….lol….she gave up the info…some women and i am learning this now…like the looooooooooooooooooong slooooooooooow seduction…some cant get with the microwave flow….now whats her number…lol

@jam…ok love….i feel you…not to get all long winded…i agree..

@raqi…i have been meaning to try those dry balls….thanks for the customer review…

Cemeeli

July 21st, 2009
3:22 pm

Demi – Boy you so nassy! imma tell.

lol..i love this blog.

W8©

July 21st, 2009
3:23 pm

Ever notice the ones who claim that the blog doesnt matter to them are the ones who bring the most drama? Or is that just me and my perceptions?? I mean some seek understanding and may have strong views…but there are some who just stir crap up for whatever reason..I guess it comes with the territory

Page1908- On set location

July 21st, 2009
3:23 pm

lmao Filthy. ctfu. omg

Grace

July 21st, 2009
3:24 pm

Page1908- On set location

July 21st, 2009
3:24 pm