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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Complicated

I really dig complex men. Those extremely cerebral types really do it for me. In the past, my questionable choices in men have often backfired on me. I think part of problem was that I was often drawn to the tortured soul. In my head, I glamorized their personality as complex and complicated. Someone who thought deeper, felt intense emotions, and challenged me. Yeah, NO.

The reality was they didn’t think all that deeply, their emotions stayed on the “cold” side, and I wasn’t being challenged, I was being barked at and berated. It took some heart break and a restraining order to realize that crazy is not the same as complicated.

A truly complicated, complex person won’t hide behind empty rhetoric or ambiguity. They may start out guarded, but they will give you access when you have proven yourself trustworthy. Then you peel away the layers and realize that complex can be a very positive attribute.

I don’t want to paint all complex people with the same brush. I still feel drawn to the “complex” type, but I think I have improved my selection skill now. It’s like a hidden prerequiste that I don’t outright tell the men I date that I am looking for in a man.

One of our MIA Blog men, Mr. W8. got me to thinking about this kind of “hidden qualifier”, when he posed a couple of great questions:

What are those things that you know that you want in a potential mate, but you never reveal it? Perhaps you just wait to see if they do (or show) it on their own so they won’t fake it.

Have you ever dated someone and they do (or say something) that you never knew you needed but it spoke to your soul and now you can’t live without it? What was it? How did you handle it?

Is being complicated and complex a liability or an asset on the dating scene?

697 comments Add your comment

W8©(complex only to the simple minded)

July 21st, 2009
12:42 pm

@Tazzee- You are welcome…

Melo

July 21st, 2009
12:43 pm

What he told me that day was so important

CEE,what did he tell u,if u dont mind.
I have an interesting take on what may transpire smetimes(if the angels happen to pass by) when u encounter a street person and talk to them.
U go 1st,if u dont mind.

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
12:43 pm

This is my ish!!
http://www.imeem.com/juanrod/music/tKmZOtsC/gucci-mane-wasted-feat-plies/

Random thought- I LOVE giving & receiving cards..

Alvin- Mail Call

Raqi

July 21st, 2009
12:43 pm

gucci mane or young jeezy???

I said music, not foolery.

Tazzee - in need of some beach time

July 21st, 2009
12:45 pm

I love music – you can tell my mood by the music I’m playing/singing. It is truly a gift from God. Some of the bloggers from back in the day know of my sabbatical from secular music: 1992 – 2000. Music was such an integral part of my life that as I focused on developing a relationship with Christ, I had to refrain from listening to certain songs. After a while all I listened to was spiritual music. I still have to watch what I listen to because I’m one that internalizes it.

Yup, I listen to music all the time.

SexyCool - So perfectly imperfect.

July 21st, 2009
12:45 pm

Taz – when I saw you posting today, I KNEW you would remember.

And it’s funny because I know that a lot of times, I can read SO opposite from that – hypocritical even – given the nature of some of my posts. I’m just glad that I know now that He’s an ‘all things’ kinda God.

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
12:46 pm

Tazz- Melo – on your earlier comment, I’m going to continue to give my man the thank-you kisses for two reasons: I don’t want him to ever think I don’t appreciate him and I like kissing<– REal Talk cause that ONE time you don’t thank them is the time they will remember!! You go girl!

Melo

July 21st, 2009
12:47 pm

Hobo?? funny tho.
mahobo is street slang for security guard(shona)(not popo)

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
12:47 pm

Raqi- LMAO!! I knew you would bite :mrgreen: I was going to type Fiddy Cent

Poppa Grande

July 21st, 2009
12:47 pm

Melo

OCD = Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Diggy is obsessed with germs and compulsive to the point that he doesn’t like using a bar of soap that is already opened. He wants a clean bar of soap.

And he used different sticks of anti-perspirant too.

W8©(complex only to the simple minded)

July 21st, 2009
12:48 pm

@Raqi- .I agree it’s even written in the Bible

@PG- I understand and agree with what you are saying…but don’t forget we are perceived as simple..lol

Mo (aka Moeisha-Feeling 'Some Kind of Blue')

July 21st, 2009
12:49 pm

Tazzee – I, too, am a lover of music, especially good live music (emphasis on good).

Raqi

July 21st, 2009
12:51 pm

Tazzee I love music also. Like right now I am listening to music. I can go all day like today and not turn the television on once. I watched the news at 6:30am then I turned it off.

When I clean my house I like to have music playing. Or when I am just sitting around reading or working on something, I prefer music.

And yeah the choice of music can reveal your mood.

W8©(complex only to the simple minded)

July 21st, 2009
12:52 pm

Be in the world not of the world……It’s not what you take in but what put out…now if certain music causes you personally to act a certain way you need to control what you listen to…If what you are taking in(music,movies,people, the blog..etc) cause you to act out of character of who you really are you may need to limit yourself to those influences. Now what may affect you may not do the same to others…..

Tazzee - in need of some beach time

July 21st, 2009
12:53 pm

One more thing, I embrace all parts of myself. The parts of me that are getting it wrong and the ones that get it right.

Why shouldn’t I? He does.

That was a hard lesson for me to learn. And for the parts that get it wrong, I had to learn to pray that He works on my will – my heart. Because ain’t no sense in praying for forgiveness for something that I know I want to do again…

Alvin

July 21st, 2009
12:54 pm

Tazz…I blame it the deitrick haddon CD. This woman I am seeing got me listening to gospel…I just sat and listened to the whole album…THE WHOOOOOOOLE ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLBUM

This album is deep, nothing like most church folks stuff…A lot of real talk!!

Melo

July 21st, 2009
12:56 pm

He wants a clean bar of soap…..And he used different sticks of anti-perspirant too

he lucky he dont live in Bowen homes…

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
12:57 pm

I enjoy complete SILENCE at times.. To me, it is necessary :)

Cemeeli

July 21st, 2009
12:57 pm

@ Melo – He was in search of a ride to his brother’s to get food/shelter. I shared with him even though i would never give a stranger male a ride home. But i was willing to sit in Mc Donalds and talk with him. I’d bought his food and share with him how him being homeless correlated to something that happened to me after becoming a single mom. We conversed and he said – he’d never expect a younger girl to even take the time to actually sit and chat with him in McDonald’s that evening (it was a Friday). The division between our lifestyles and how we uplifted each other on a day that he felt the most homeless, reminded him of God siting and challenging people to cross the demographs and love thy brother.

That’s why i shared the verse from Hebrew…i’ll never forget i cried the whole drive home…

W8©(complex only to the simple minded)

July 21st, 2009
12:58 pm

I like that Mary Mary song…can’t remember the name of it though

Tazzee - in need of some beach time

July 21st, 2009
12:58 pm

Alvin – I love it!

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
12:59 pm

That show obsessed was on last night and boy oh boy, that OCD stuff is REAL & life altering.. :(

Raqi

July 21st, 2009
12:59 pm

Right now I am listening to some smooth jazz…Forever In Love…Kenny G.

Yeah I know alphabet man, Kenny G is not real jazz.

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
1:00 pm

Cee- I sooooo heart you!

Tazzee - in need of some beach time

July 21st, 2009
1:00 pm

W8 – Get Up, God In Me? They’re playing God In Me all the time now. That entire CD is nice.

SexyCool - Building a new tribe.

July 21st, 2009
1:01 pm

Raqi – Kenny G counts in my book.

Tazzee - in need of some beach time

July 21st, 2009
1:01 pm

Dang – another meeting, y’all don’t say anything good while I’m gone ;-)

Tazzee - in need of some beach time

July 21st, 2009
1:02 pm

meeting delayed…

Cemeeli – thanks for sharing that encounter with us.

W8©(complex only to the simple minded)

July 21st, 2009
1:05 pm

Jazz is a musical art form which originated at the beginning of the 20th century in African American communities in the Southern United States from a confluence of African and European music traditions. The style’s West African pedigree is evident in its use of blue notes, improvisation, polyrhythms, syncopation, and the swung note.

Jazz can be hard to define because it spans from Ragtime waltzes to 2000s-era fusion. While many attempts have been made to define jazz from points of view outside jazz, such as using European music history or African music, jazz critic Joachim Berendt argues that all such attempts are unsatisfactory.One way to get around the definitional problems is to define the term “jazz” more broadly. Berendt defines jazz as a “form of art music which originated in the United States through the confrontation of blacks with European music”; he argues that jazz differs from European music in that jazz has a “special relationship to time, defined as ’swing’”, “a spontaneity and vitality of musical production in which improvisation plays a role”; and “sonority and manner of phrasing which mirror the individuality of the performing jazz musician”

Poppa Grande

July 21st, 2009
1:05 pm

Raqi

Kenny G….ugh. I don’t know why but I just don’t like his stuff.

I agree with you about music. There is a song for any mood.

I feel vintage today so I am listening to Sarah Vaughan, right now.

Raqi

July 21st, 2009
1:06 pm

SexyCool I have always admired his work. abc is the only one I know of that says it does not count as real jazz.

There is something about instrumentals that captivate me because I can put my own inner words and feelings to the music.

SexyCool - Building a new tribe.

July 21st, 2009
1:06 pm

Why do negroes want to act pressed about you when tell them you’ve decided to focus on someone else?

Mo (aka Moeisha-Feeling 'Some Kind of Blue')

July 21st, 2009
1:08 pm

Raqi – Kenny G counts

Tazzee – I really liked Just Cant Give Up Now by Mary Mary off their first CD, but yeah this new one is good too

I know for a fact that I wore out “More Than I Can Bear”, especially while going thru my divorce. And as my tag line suggest, right now its Miles Davis ringing in my ears

Alvin

July 21st, 2009
1:09 pm

Tazz…So do I. I am buying myself a copy today.

did I say I am buying a copy?? lawd, I am going legal!!!

Raqi

July 21st, 2009
1:09 pm

Weight…nevermind. Proceed.

Raqi

July 21st, 2009
1:10 pm

SexyCool …or something else othen than them.

Melo

July 21st, 2009
1:10 pm

Cemeeli – thanks for sharing that encounter with us

NO,thank me Tazzee,coz i proded her to!! :lol:

Im the kinda guy who brings out the ish in the woman! :lol:

Poppa Grande

July 21st, 2009
1:11 pm

Raqi

I’m kinda on the fence.

Being an instrumental doesn’t automatically make it jazz to me. That whole smooth jazz thing was just instrumental R&B to me.

For example, John Mayer’s version of “Human Nature” wasn’t jazz. It was just an instrumental version of it.

W8©(complex only to the simple minded)

July 21st, 2009
1:11 pm

@Raqi- What?

SexyCool - Building a new tribe.

July 21st, 2009
1:12 pm

I dig Kenny G’s music because quite a few of his songs have a bass line that vibrates within my soul.

Besides, I’m just a bass line kinda chick. Especially when I can get in a car with a hyped up stereo and it feels like the bass is kicking me in my back – OMG…

and that’s all I’m gone say about that.

Alvin

July 21st, 2009
1:12 pm

SexyCool…it’s like telling a dude, his wang is too small and you’re going else were, LOL

dude feeling are hurt, cause you no longer want what’s he is putting out (speaking of game)

Melo

July 21st, 2009
1:14 pm

Those Mary mary gerlz need to watch theirself!
Last time i saw them dancing at the bet awards,they were dancing like they were in velvet room.
i almost wanted to ask one of them for a rub dance,then realized, oh!!,its tv.

Alvin

July 21st, 2009
1:14 pm

SexyCool…Ooooooh, you like the cars that goes…BOOM, LOL

Page1908- On set location

July 21st, 2009
1:14 pm

Poppa- Yeah I hate the cart handles, too. Thats why i carry i have ant bacteria gel in my car lol.

Alvin- you know i would be clueless with that text lol

W8©(complex only to the simple minded)

July 21st, 2009
1:15 pm

Ladies..when you break up with a man..just lie to him so he can have his pride..”baby, your wang is to big..I can’t handle that in our relationship” he leaves with his chest out and you are rid of him..lol

Melo

July 21st, 2009
1:15 pm

mail call smebody! :lol:

Raqi

July 21st, 2009
1:15 pm

Poppa I didn’t say that it did. I was particularly speaking on Kenny G in reference to the instrumentals.

Alvin

July 21st, 2009
1:16 pm

Kenny G…is that the guy who is forever whinning about something?

Tazzee - in need of some beach time

July 21st, 2009
1:16 pm

Mo – Mary Mary’s second CD really spoke to me – their remake of Thank You (that song gets me every time “It could have been me…”)

Alvin – I.LOVE.IT!

Raqi

July 21st, 2009
1:21 pm

and that’s all I’m gone say about that

Yeah you don’t want to have folks up in here backsliding this lovely afternoon. LOL