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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Complicated

I really dig complex men. Those extremely cerebral types really do it for me. In the past, my questionable choices in men have often backfired on me. I think part of problem was that I was often drawn to the tortured soul. In my head, I glamorized their personality as complex and complicated. Someone who thought deeper, felt intense emotions, and challenged me. Yeah, NO.

The reality was they didn’t think all that deeply, their emotions stayed on the “cold” side, and I wasn’t being challenged, I was being barked at and berated. It took some heart break and a restraining order to realize that crazy is not the same as complicated.

A truly complicated, complex person won’t hide behind empty rhetoric or ambiguity. They may start out guarded, but they will give you access when you have proven yourself trustworthy. Then you peel away the layers and realize that complex can be a very positive attribute.

I don’t want to paint all complex people with the same brush. I still feel drawn to the “complex” type, but I think I have improved my selection skill now. It’s like a hidden prerequiste that I don’t outright tell the men I date that I am looking for in a man.

One of our MIA Blog men, Mr. W8. got me to thinking about this kind of “hidden qualifier”, when he posed a couple of great questions:

What are those things that you know that you want in a potential mate, but you never reveal it? Perhaps you just wait to see if they do (or show) it on their own so they won’t fake it.

Have you ever dated someone and they do (or say something) that you never knew you needed but it spoke to your soul and now you can’t live without it? What was it? How did you handle it?

Is being complicated and complex a liability or an asset on the dating scene?

697 comments Add your comment

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
11:33 am

Professor- I will tell anyone informal chatting is cool via texting and etc., but if you are going to have a mature, formal conversation you need to meet in person and look into that person’s eyes. Sometimes talking is not everything; something must be said for the silence when two souls connect.<– AMEN!!!!!!! If you don’t have the time, MAKE the TIME if it is important! People make time for what they want

W8©(complex only to the simple minded)

July 21st, 2009
11:34 am

@Rell-lol on the afterschool special..i didnt know it was that long until I posted it..lmao..I lost your email addy shoot me an email with your contact info..the fellas are getting together this week

@Professor-those who know me know how to interpret me at all times in every situation. My friends in my personal life know me and know how to read me..maybe thats why I have so few friends

@Leggs- tell the blog fam to get off my back since I am paid in full now..lol

I am not a “holy roller” and bash folks over the head with that type of stuff…just a bit of “man in the mirror” I hope my post didnt make the blog all “churchy” today..lol

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
11:35 am

W8-I hope my post didnt make the blog all “churchy” today <– I hope not either..

Cemeeli

July 21st, 2009
11:37 am

@ Lioness – lol @ Melo is a perverted introvert. :)

Melo Lets pray.

:)

mytw♥cents...Superstar

July 21st, 2009
11:37 am

Cerebral is NICE…and a must. Although women do get those who look and taste like candy but aren’t worth the empty calories. What surprisingly works for me? Hmmm…Being hushed.

I think at the end of the day it’s so very simple. It’s not hard to figure out who we respond to on multiple levels. But we make it complex when we don’t accept people at face value. Rell had some great rhetoric yesterday about men often focusing on the outcome. I think that, along with (.02 Theory. # 463) focusing on what they have “come to expect” of women versus what “actually is” gets us to Complication State – Panic mode 10. It’s scary for most to deal with the unpredictable, but especially so for men who are used to taking control of situations.

But to me, that’s what makes it a more fun ride. Who really wants to map out a complete blue print and have dude paint by numbers? I think if you give him a sketch, the right ones will figure out where to fill in the blanks.

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
11:37 am

Alvin

July 21st, 2009
11:39 am

SexyCool…I am feeling emotional as heck…the past 4 days has been a whirl wind…I am waking up 3 or 4 in the morning, breaking out the bible and praying.

This morning my bey, handed me this CD by: Deitrick Haddon – Lost and Found. The second she handed the CD, I knew she will only be in my life for a short season.

Yeah ya heard right…her bus stop is coming up shortly

(Have you ever dated someone and they do (or say something) that you never knew you needed but it spoke to your soul and now you can’t live without it?)

YEP!!

What was it?

That its time for me to return to my spiritual father.

How did you handle it?

So now, I am just going to take everything one step at a time…God is preparing me for the next stage of my life. I’ve ran away from God for many years now…If i keep down this path, my life will come to an end…with a quikaness.

N E Way…Demi is gangsta, Imma ride this bus…until the wheels falls off…Imma rydeordie’igga…B’lee dat!!!!

Cemeeli

July 21st, 2009
11:40 am

Churchy? what is that?

I miss….only ONE person knows he could pull me into the most profound conversations about spirituality.

And i love every bit of it!!!

W8©(complex only to the simple minded)

July 21st, 2009
11:40 am

@Kimmie/Mo- Exactly it is like a self filter, if folks don’t line up with your goals in life………………

Cemeeli

July 21st, 2009
11:41 am

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
11:43 am

Demi- Yeah ya heard right…her bus stop is coming up shortly :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Hey Alvin

Alvin

July 21st, 2009
11:43 am

Yeah ya heard right…her bus stop is coming up shortly

Or…maybe not…there is something about this woman, that makes me pause…and say, “Dayum, I want to learn more about this woman!!”

I am not use to feeling this way.

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
11:44 am

Leggs

July 21st, 2009
11:44 am

Nothing wrong with “man in the mirror” moments. More of us should do just that!

@Foots, the lady wearing the purple dress and headband had me scratching my head with that frumpy outfit. Then it dawned on me. She didn’t send a “representative” in her place, she came as herself!

@W8, send another one that long and I will not have the necessary funds to bail you out! :lol:

W8©(complex only to the simple minded)

July 21st, 2009
11:44 am

@Demi- The train keeps on moving..either she buys the ticket to get on board or she doesnt……..

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
11:45 am

Alvin- Really? Care to share? Email me

Alvin

July 21st, 2009
11:46 am

Lioness…how are you doing today? Glad you have decided to come out and play with us kids, LOL

W8©(complex only to the simple minded)

July 21st, 2009
11:46 am

@Leggs- Thanks :)

@Alvin/Demi- I wish I could help you because although a new relationship may seem good to me…I flee sometimes when I realize the hurt that could come if it doesnt work out..ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh…I hate myself at times…lol

Professor

July 21st, 2009
11:46 am

I have been in deep prayer and meditation as well for the past week…I was reflecting this morning how I had been praying for a close family member and I had an epiphany on how I was giving so much of me to that situation that I was neglecting myself (spiritually, emotionally, etc.).

Mo (aka Moeisha-Feeling 'Some Kind of Blue')

July 21st, 2009
11:47 am

Demi – keep doing ya thang, you seem in a different place right now and the fact that you are happy about it is a great thing.

Mytwo – “But we make it complex when we don’t accept people at face value.” Say it again……

SexyCool - Operation Rotation ShutDown in effect.

July 21st, 2009
11:47 am

Cemeeli – “Motto: It’s a relationship, not a religion.”

Powerful. I have posted about that in times past. Many of the old heads know about my failed attempt to maintain the straight and narrow. Church ALL the time. Choir rehearsals. Just the high holy roller. They also remember the hypocritical extremes that I took it to. I lasted about six months.

My lesson in all that – It’s hard to live it like it’s preached. I cannot live it like it’s a religion. I am not a religious person. You can do ANYthing religiously. I brush my teeth religiously. I come to work religiously. I could go on and on about religiousness.

In the many sides that I share with all of you – my good, my bad and my ugly, the thing that lies just under the surface are my beliefs and my relationship. I am grateful that even in all of my sin and my imperfection, HE still holds me in the palm of His hand.

Not to be ‘churchy’ or anything.

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
11:47 am

Just been granted Parole since my bday is coming.. Might violate it that weekend and get sent back :evil:

Grace

July 21st, 2009
11:48 am

LIONESS that’s because they know it will not be a seller with men. They don’t easily buy into how to “whatever” about women and dating/relationship…remember they are simle….we are complicated

MELO an introvert? no way… but you’re so social :lol:

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
11:49 am

Sexxsay- AMEN to THAT!!! REAL TALK!!

Mo (aka Moeisha-Feeling 'Some Kind of Blue')

July 21st, 2009
11:49 am

W8/Demi – Step.Out.On.Faith

SexyCool - Operation Rotation ShutDown in effect.

July 21st, 2009
11:49 am

There is only one perfect being. I tried to be perfect. I’m not.

Page1908- On set location

July 21st, 2009
11:50 am

hey professor!

on topic- i am definitely an extrovert and i think those that know me would agree. i agree that texting can lose a lot of vital communication. for me, i like to hear the persons voice so i can make sure i understand what is going on. plus, some of the “text” lingo and such i hardly ever understand, so i get confused in that aspect as well.

Tazzee - in need of some beach time

July 21st, 2009
11:51 am

Cemeeli we’re going to see Colored Girls on July 25th – the 3 plays for one price deal only got us seats for Colored Girls and Blood Knot through the end of July.

Hey Lioness – we missed you!

W8©(complex only to the simple minded)

July 21st, 2009
11:54 am

Nobody is perfect…i think that is where the problem lies if you strive for perfection you will almost certainly never hit it…but if you choose to operate in excellence..that is a different story..imo

Professor

July 21st, 2009
11:54 am

Page…me too, and sometimes I will go back and read a text and realize that I really missed something essential. I like texting, but I like the power of the voice and looking in the windows of the soul (eyes)…

W8/Demi…go for it there is nothing wrong with loving the right person

Alvin

July 21st, 2009
11:54 am

W8…FEAR. Time will tell, if she is able to over come her fear of giving her heart away.

I’ve seen that look before…

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
11:56 am

Tazz- Hey You!! Missed yall too :mrgreen:

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
11:59 am

I am a text message skimmer. Most of the time I am driving & am not willing to crash my car cause you want to have a serious convo via text. CALL ME!!! If you can’t then give me the short version til you can dial my number

Alvin

July 21st, 2009
11:59 am

(plus, some of the “text” lingo and such i hardly ever understand, so i get confused in that aspect as well.)

Page…u undstd dis rt? LOL

I feel there. I was texting with my 15 year old cousin…I didn’t know what in Sam Hills dude was texting me, LOL

Talk about dumbin down

Poppa Grande

July 21st, 2009
12:00 pm

Grace

The main purpose of those articles is to gauge interest. If there were more interest by men to read it, you better believe that there would be a book. (Number of hits on the site can be counted).

This is America and most stuff goes back to the mighty dollar. Who is really giving advice for free?

Page1908- On set location

July 21st, 2009
12:02 pm

Yeah professor. its like what did we ever do before we started texting and using pagers, etc? remember when we used to write letters and mail them? im a stationary and pen freak so i love writing little cards and mailing them, then when i go to the post office i realize how much i hate it lol. i’m obsessed with pens and i loveeeeeeeee glitter pens, colored pens and all of that. omg last week i was going through my old notes, etc from Undergrad and how about everything was always written in purple, pink, or silver lol. I *heart* pens:)

Cemeeli

July 21st, 2009
12:03 pm

theirs that “churchy”.

Let me add. Just because we veer off into spirituality, and some are offended – let THEM be!…Heck, who are we? Jesus (of no sin) was not offended when the Pharasiees spoke religion and was also downgrading spirtiual walk with him.

…who are we, to not speak on it?

Sexycool – Your post enlightened me. I know what you mean under the “surface” it’s not what folks expect.

I loved this!

I am grateful that even in all of my sin and my imperfection, HE still holds me in the palm of His hand.

Also…i told one person on this forum that i talk to off line:

Hebrews 13:2 Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it.

Just like the time i popped in here one day and shared the story about meeting the bumb at McDonalds one day. What he told me that day was so important. And i always make it a point in my life to be concious of how i say or treat anyone.

…okay…i wont get churchy.

W8©(complex only to the simple minded)

July 21st, 2009
12:04 pm

On written communication…..I love it..why? Because the woman has to shut up and read..instead of voice just trying to takeover the conversation or really not listening or she is thinking about what she is going to say next…also it keeps the verbal drama to a minimum..I am odd in that though…I will talk on the phone early in the morning from about 5am to noon…after that no dice..or if i have my kids no dice…lol..i just dont like talking on the phone..nothing to hide..i just dont like it

Today is supposed to be my day off…but there is a Suspicious package in Buckhead..and now I bank robbery in Coweta..geesh

Alvin

July 21st, 2009
12:04 pm

Mo…faith is all I have right now. I am like wow, “I know how to be humble now?!?!” LOL

Lioness…I am known for 5 page texts. LOL

Page1908- On set location

July 21st, 2009
12:05 pm

lol alvin omg. i know like 2 ppl on FB and they type like this: “GM FB fam, its ur boi. wassup w dis dude who lqqn ova da hill at dese hoez. don dey knw u gotta do dis and dat. dem b trippn n dey dont swet nuffin.

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
12:06 pm

Page- LMAO @ your whole post cause you are dead SERIOUS!! Almost choked upon reading the glitter pens :lol: :lol: :lol:

SexyCool - Operation Rotation ShutDown in effect.

July 21st, 2009
12:06 pm

Oh and just one more point of clarity about ‘living it like it’s preached’. I think that a LOT of ministers do people a disservice by preaching a life that allows for no faults. It’s almost like we can acknowledge that we’re sinners, but we’re not supposed to sin. But I understand that it can be difficult to preach real life.

Another thing – I was so involved in the church that I got a bit jaded. To a degree, because I was an active choir member, I began to feel like I was a part of the ‘entertainment’. It started to feel like a production, like a show. I had to pull back from that and get back to what was personal for me.

Okay, Evangelist Cool dismisses – May the Lord watch between me and thee while we are absent from one another.

Grace

July 21st, 2009
12:06 pm

I flee sometimes when I realize the hurt that could come if it doesnt work out.. – W8 do you take into consideration how she would feel if/when you withdraw from her? I think that is where the problem lies with most men. They let the fear of being hurt again prevent them from loving again. Life is full of chances and if you let your past take over your present it will put a halt on your future and you’ll never be able to truly love again. It’s good at times to remember the past in order for you to not make the same mistakes/moves that lead to destrustion but when your past holds you hostage you’re not allowing the person with the key to unlock the cell door you’ve created for yourself.

AmazonRed™ - road warrior

July 21st, 2009
12:06 pm

Pretty Wings – Guess it’s afternoon now, but good afternoon to you.

Lioness – Glad to have you back.

Poppa Grande

July 21st, 2009
12:07 pm

W8

i think that is where the problem lies if you strive for perfection you will almost certainly never hit it

Bingo…I used to tell my Lil Brothers (Big Brothers/Big Sis Program) that perfection is unrealistic. I suggested that they strive for greatness. Everyone can be great. They have to put forth the effort.

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
12:07 pm

Alvin- Glad you have my email address instead of my #.

You’ve got mail

Professor

July 21st, 2009
12:08 pm

Page I feel you I am the same way. Do you shop at Swoozies(sp) a lot? I know I do…

Melo

July 21st, 2009
12:08 pm

Grace,the blog anony actually makes me verbalize what i, ordinarily keep to myself.
I aint that social.Im quiet,keep to what i know and make few friends,if any.Kinda scrutinize every move coming my way…and hard to be got.And coz i dont drink beer nor liqor(except once in a blue moon), i keep it in my zulu den.
I am very polite tho,which helps.

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
12:09 pm

Page1908- On set location

July 21st, 2009
12:09 pm

Lioness LOL- Girl, the pens in my purse are pink and silver glitter and i am soooo OCD i hate using the pens like at the store when u sign for your credit card, so then i break out my pink pen to sign and they are like “maam can u please sign in black or blue”. LOL. ugh!! I hate touching the store pens and the gas handle lmao. *gross*