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Complicated

I really dig complex men. Those extremely cerebral types really do it for me. In the past, my questionable choices in men have often backfired on me. I think part of problem was that I was often drawn to the tortured soul. In my head, I glamorized their personality as complex and complicated. Someone who thought deeper, felt intense emotions, and challenged me. Yeah, NO.

The reality was they didn’t think all that deeply, their emotions stayed on the “cold” side, and I wasn’t being challenged, I was being barked at and berated. It took some heart break and a restraining order to realize that crazy is not the same as complicated.

A truly complicated, complex person won’t hide behind empty rhetoric or ambiguity. They may start out guarded, but they will give you access when you have proven yourself trustworthy. Then you peel away the layers and realize that complex can be a very positive attribute.

I don’t want to paint all complex people with the same brush. I still feel drawn to the “complex” type, but I think I have improved my selection skill now. It’s like a hidden prerequiste that I don’t outright tell the men I date that I am looking for in a man.

One of our MIA Blog men, Mr. W8. got me to thinking about this kind of “hidden qualifier”, when he posed a couple of great questions:

What are those things that you know that you want in a potential mate, but you never reveal it? Perhaps you just wait to see if they do (or show) it on their own so they won’t fake it.

Have you ever dated someone and they do (or say something) that you never knew you needed but it spoke to your soul and now you can’t live without it? What was it? How did you handle it?

Is being complicated and complex a liability or an asset on the dating scene?

697 comments Add your comment

Grace

July 21st, 2009
4:26 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: @ LIONESS gurl

Cemeeli

July 21st, 2009
4:26 pm

@ Mo – You realized i said you get the Heisman and not the Heimlich while you chokin on that popcorn shawty?

I’m so sorry. But real sincere.

kimmie-just being me & that's enough

July 21st, 2009
4:26 pm

Leggs – Like he said, he was not about to turn down what was freely offered. It really didn’t matter.

Flavor Flav could “freely offer” until the cows came home, but I couldn’t get drunk or high enough to go there. In this case, it really didn’t matter!

Raqi

July 21st, 2009
4:26 pm

Yeah Infamous you and what’s his name used to try to give me a hard time. LOL What was his name??? Ole Boi??? I can’t remember. But I do remember the first day I said my husband name on here. There was no other people commenting except us and you two was trying to double team me. You all made me slip up and say his name. LOL

THE INFAMOUS DK

July 21st, 2009
4:27 pm

Sexy Cool – Yes it is Baby.. Yes it is.. Owwwwww!

Poppa Grande

July 21st, 2009
4:28 pm

Melo

I saw that clip a couple of years ago. I think that they weatherman was from Orlando.

It was funny, though.

Leggs

July 21st, 2009
4:28 pm

Excellent spin, Lioness. You are correct!

@Melo, that video has circled the internet for the past year, if not longer. I was splitting my sides laughing at him.

Lioness-

July 21st, 2009
4:28 pm

Grace- ;) You know how I do

Kimmie- I agree! Like that lil wayne character.. I don’t how women don’t care how moogly a dude is cause he has money.. Bump that!!

THE INFAMOUS DK

July 21st, 2009
4:29 pm

Raqi – 2 Can

We used to give you the biz cause you were on some mess.. You see now youre the bell of the ball cause you were listening to what the dudes were telling you. You have applied Dr VILLANOUS and Dr 2 Cans to your relationship and look what happened.

See Ladies you too can have relationship bliss. Just come to my class for 59.95 and I can train you to be a good woman.

W8©

July 21st, 2009
4:30 pm

@Gerald_ imma give you a pass..oral skills will get you everytime..i just dont let them get that close to me..but once there…ehhhhhh…I aint judging you though…lol

@Kimmie-Okay Im going to sit down….okay darn I will be quiet

@Lioness_ I have major issues..I am in prayer though..

@Mo- I shoot atleast 8 people a month..thats just an average though..I get shot at more than that

Leggs

July 21st, 2009
4:30 pm

2nd BUMP THAT! Anyone care to tritto that BUMP THAT?

Rell - not complex

July 21st, 2009
4:30 pm

@gerald….my dude…we get it…you got your in…..but dont talk down on her…i mean you meet up after 20yrs is it that slow for you playa…i have folks that i have not seen that long as well and we are email buddies…feel me…just today a friend told me i should try to get at my lifelong crush…negative….we are way different and would not get along….some things should just b and this is one of them…

@raqi…WOW….

@dk…i remember those days….funny stuff

Grace

July 21st, 2009
4:30 pm

I think GERALD is a case of “I don’t do big girls” but he did and now he’s trying to justify why he did it.

Raqi

July 21st, 2009
4:30 pm

I don’t care what we talk about on here someone can always find a way to start shyt.

Heck we can be talking about bath salts and someone will just be salty and start some shyt.

I gotz chicken to fry so good bye.

Lioness-

July 21st, 2009
4:31 pm

DK- If the class is being held in DR.. I am there..

SexyCool - Sometimes, you feel like a nut.

July 21st, 2009
4:31 pm

Some turn down puddy like novel pages.
He may wish he’d read that book.
Now, here against the machine he rages.
He regrets the second glance he never took.
20 years pass, she gains and ages.
He shoplifted the poonanny and can’t look
Back on the battle that wages
because he acted like a crook.
And now this ish is outrageous
Cause her friend got his @ss shook.

Mo (aka Moeisha-Feeling 'Some Kind of Blue')

July 21st, 2009
4:31 pm

Cemeeli – I knew you meant well chica! Its all good

Poppa Grande

July 21st, 2009
4:32 pm

Cee

Over the weekend, I was driving down Howell Mill and saw a black Chevy Nova (it looked to be a 70s model) for sell right in front of the watershed management complex.

I thought right away about Cee.

Raqi

July 21st, 2009
4:32 pm

No Infamous Not 2Can. I remember 2Can very well. He and I have had some pleasant conversation and disagreements on here. But it was not him.

Maybe Mark Thornton??? That’s the day we were talking about bare bikini waxes…

Good night yall.

Lioness-

July 21st, 2009
4:32 pm

W8- I feel sorry for your lady :( Poor Thang!

Raqi- LMAO!!

Lioness-

July 21st, 2009
4:33 pm

I damn near tinkled on myself with this one–> He shoplifted the poonanny and can’t look.. :lol: :lol:

W8©

July 21st, 2009
4:34 pm

I never done a big chick…but I have thought about..I hear its fun…

@Gerald- Listen to Rell it takes to to tango..dont dog it after you did it…lmao…but its okay to save face or atleast try to..lol..I aint judging you though

Lord Velonese

July 21st, 2009
4:34 pm

This topic reminds me of, well me. “Complicated” My thing is if you didn’t know me or befriended before my success it will take an act of god to do so now. Coming from an adoptive family, there were many trials but in the end (or so far) as Borat would say “A great success”. Everything I have experienced has made me stronger but, I have a mean streak because it. So yes I’m Complicated, would I date someone the same? Hell no, I can only tolerate one asshat in my life and that’s me. But we walk our own paths, some choices we make, and some are made for us but in the end it makes us who are. As some mentioned early, accepting yourself and loving yourself and who you are is the most important step for anything (doesn’t mean anyone has to like it though). 

THE INFAMOUS DK

July 21st, 2009
4:34 pm

Lioness – Good try lady but I aint bring no sand to no beach.. I’ve been there several times so I’ve been working on my Domincan-ese. Man I’mma be hard to handle this time.

kimmie-just being me & that's enough

July 21st, 2009
4:34 pm

Grace – Like Professor, I put him in the YOUNG age catagory yesterday. But he said it’s been 20 years since college! So that puts him in the OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER catagory.

If he had to go there with BIG GIRL, things must be mighty slow for ole boy.

Cemeeli

July 21st, 2009
4:35 pm

PoppaG – Say it aint so! Lol I got a thang for Chevy NOVAS!!! Goodness….a clean one playing some Anthony Hamilton would be hot!

Rell - not complex

July 21st, 2009
4:36 pm

@w8…its funny cause after all this dust ova and he thinks that baby gurl does not know about his larceny…he gonna call her one day when its slow and he had drinks……square

Lioness-

July 21st, 2009
4:36 pm

Kimmie- He is a BIG dude himself.. Betcha :)

Cemeeli

July 21st, 2009
4:36 pm

If i’m cool, then you’re cool. then we’re coool.

Have a little role play baby, whatever turns you on.

If your cool, i’m cool, then we’re cool….quit your worrying baby….

Whew!

Mo (aka Moeisha-Feeling 'Some Kind of Blue')

July 21st, 2009
4:36 pm

W8 – well alrighty then…..comes with the territory huh?

W8©

July 21st, 2009
4:37 pm

Who has sex with a big girl..in public? On the hood of a car? wouldnt that dent the hood? Maybe I like cars to much

Poppa Grande

July 21st, 2009
4:37 pm

Cee

It has been there the last couple of weekends. Right there by the little access roads the Atlanta PD uses that goes right behind Ambery Animal Hospital.

Lioness-

July 21st, 2009
4:38 pm

That show Intervention is NO JOKE!

Cemeeli

July 21st, 2009
4:38 pm

PoopaG – You know i’ll be rolling through Ashby area today at about 5.30. I will swing through and roll my hint tint down, to keep an eye out for that Nova.

kimmie-just being me & that's enough

July 21st, 2009
4:38 pm

Lioness – Yep!LOL!!

W8©

July 21st, 2009
4:38 pm

But then again maybe she was big and ugly..so she may have just “took it” from Gerald.hhmmm I am thinking way to deep into this

Lioness-

July 21st, 2009
4:39 pm

W8- He said he bent her big tail over the car not laid her on the hood.. Picture THAT!! :lol: :lol:

kimmie-just being me & that's enough

July 21st, 2009
4:39 pm

W8 – Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

W8©

July 21st, 2009
4:39 pm

@Rell- you know he is going to hit it again..

Lioness-

July 21st, 2009
4:40 pm

What really makes a chick big? I think when they have the two stomach thing going on..

W8©

July 21st, 2009
4:41 pm

@Kimmie- that is true.. Beauty is in the eye of the Beerholder

Demigod33 (via PDA)

July 21st, 2009
4:41 pm

DK/raqi…yalls battles were crazy…bored one day….I read 3years of back log

Grace

July 21st, 2009
4:42 pm

KIMMIE – OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER catagory…. got that right :wink:

Professor

July 21st, 2009
4:42 pm

Gerald said “trunk” not “hood” which leads me to believe he is riding around Atlanta in a ’79 Hearse.

Gerald

July 21st, 2009
4:42 pm

No more justification. The plain truth is that this woman (the friend) I wanted to know. In the interactions that we had she was delightful to be around – funny, well-read, intelligent, laid back.

I knew that going in that my chances were slim. She’s a good enough person that I suspected her loyalty to her friendship would outweigh anything that I came at her with.

I saw something in her. I was attracted not only by her beauty, but to her light.

W8©

July 21st, 2009
4:43 pm

@Lioness- I dont know what the threshold is but I have a friend named Joey..and he is about 5′9 maybe 150-170lbs and he will not date a chick who is not over 225lbs..I mean the bigger the better…it’s his thing…this man says she is not big enough to some chicks..lol

Poppa Grande

July 21st, 2009
4:43 pm

W8

I never done a big chick…but I have thought about..I hear its fun…

Go for it you may have an experience like the movie “Road Trip” and the night in the frat house.

THE INFAMOUS DK

July 21st, 2009
4:43 pm

W8 – See ya’ll assuming he can hit again. That loud rambunctous Babe prolly had a manhole for him and he fell in.. Thats why he talking bad cause she wont call him back.

Lioness-

July 21st, 2009
4:44 pm

Gerald- The big gurl?

Prof- :evil: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: GIRL

W8©

July 21st, 2009
4:44 pm

@PG- I will pass on that lol