accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Complicated

I really dig complex men. Those extremely cerebral types really do it for me. In the past, my questionable choices in men have often backfired on me. I think part of problem was that I was often drawn to the tortured soul. In my head, I glamorized their personality as complex and complicated. Someone who thought deeper, felt intense emotions, and challenged me. Yeah, NO.

The reality was they didn’t think all that deeply, their emotions stayed on the “cold” side, and I wasn’t being challenged, I was being barked at and berated. It took some heart break and a restraining order to realize that crazy is not the same as complicated.

A truly complicated, complex person won’t hide behind empty rhetoric or ambiguity. They may start out guarded, but they will give you access when you have proven yourself trustworthy. Then you peel away the layers and realize that complex can be a very positive attribute.

I don’t want to paint all complex people with the same brush. I still feel drawn to the “complex” type, but I think I have improved my selection skill now. It’s like a hidden prerequiste that I don’t outright tell the men I date that I am looking for in a man.

One of our MIA Blog men, Mr. W8. got me to thinking about this kind of “hidden qualifier”, when he posed a couple of great questions:

What are those things that you know that you want in a potential mate, but you never reveal it? Perhaps you just wait to see if they do (or show) it on their own so they won’t fake it.

Have you ever dated someone and they do (or say something) that you never knew you needed but it spoke to your soul and now you can’t live without it? What was it? How did you handle it?

Is being complicated and complex a liability or an asset on the dating scene?

697 comments Add your comment

AmazonRed™ - road warrior

July 21st, 2009
8:06 am

Morning all,

I’m keeping it simple, in dating especially. I don’t need complex or complicated. I feel if it’s right, things will fall in to place. Not to say that complex never happens, but life will throw that to you without you having to complicate things with someone who just leaves you confused.

With that being said, I don’t know if there is something I’d want from a mate I’d never reveal. That just sounds like a game or a test that folks pull on others. Like I said, given time, life will throw stuff at someone to prove what they are made of. I don’t need to go manufacturing it.

Make it a great day folks.

dw

July 21st, 2009
8:29 am

For me, quirkiness(sp) is more attractive than complexity. I like women who enjoy one or two things that are off the perverbial radar, things that other people may consider weird given a specific demographic. I think when a person can genuinely enjoy something that their peers don’t consider normal it gives them a certain sexy individuality that attracts me.

Pretty Wings

July 21st, 2009
8:35 am

Good Morning WD and ARed! Just wanna say thanks to this blog community for making my summer stacation interesting.

From my expereince when things are complicated (confusing), it’s not usually for me. Not that I don’t want or can’t accept challenges but these days, I’m with you ARed I just want to keep it simple and transparent. If I care, I will give it a chance, but then I’m moving on to what is really true.

My ability to be in love is not greater then my ability to love myself.

I’ll check in with you all later……………….

Stan

July 21st, 2009
8:46 am

I’m pretty doubtful there is any such animal as a complex man. We are a fairly simple gender.

I’m not saying that we all fit into the stereotypes of TV sitcoms but the thing about stereotypes is there is usually a grain of truth to them. Obviously I’m speaking a VERY general terms here. Most guys I’ve met that try to come off as complex or mysterious tend to be smucks and have a VERY weak game. They tend to prey on women that have issues usually with self worth.

Just find a guy with a brain that can carry on a convo and has decent morals that you can have fun with. Most of us look for the same kind of qualities in women.

Professor

July 21st, 2009
8:47 am

Good Morning All:
I will probably ponder for a while on this topic.
Is being complicated and complex a liability or an asset on the dating scene?
I think being complicated and complex starts off as an asset but ends up being a liability. It is very hard to decipher what mode a person is in and initially the guessing my be fun, however if that person does not give you any hints or tidbits to work off of, you may find yourself throwing darts in the dark. And, you are probably missing your target.
Have you ever dated someone and they do (or say something) that you never knew you needed but it spoke to your soul and now you can’t live without it?
Yes, I have always been a very private person and I try to solve everything myself. I will never forget when I said I am a big girl and I can handle this, and the guy I was dating told me yes I love the fact that you are a big girl and can handle things, but let me take some of this pressure. That statement spoke volumes and I always look for someone that doesn’t mind sharing the pressure if I am going through rough times. Likewise I try to help share the pressure as well.
Great topic and great questions…

Rell - not complex

July 21st, 2009
8:58 am

Most of us look for the same kind of qualities in women.

- lol, we try to find them…where are they

Foots

July 21st, 2009
9:09 am

Good morning! I like a man who is easy to be with, none of that confusing, complex stuff for me. I need someone who can laugh at the same base things I think are funny, but be able to have a thought provoking conversation five minutes later. Grounded, but well-rounded.

I dated a complicated man some years back and it was mentally exhausting.

Jamoca/Leggs — We watched the “Dating in the Dark” show and it sparked some interesting conversation about chemistry and attraction between us and the building of relationships in general. We talked about our individual moodiness and his specifically: he said that sometimes, he didn’t know how I could deal with him on a regular basis and still love him. So I told him what I told y’all yesterday, that my love for him comes in waves. I even told him what I said about his feet and the Chris Rock joke. This fool cracked up and said that it was sweetest most, real thing any woman has ever said to him. He said that he too alternates how he feels. Some days, he feels like starting all over and some days, he’s overwhelmed by how much love he feels. I told him that that’s how we know we’re not making this up, that real love isn’t static. Then I got the Tylenol PM.

Rell - not complex

July 21st, 2009
9:15 am

He said that he too alternates how he feels. Some days, he feels like starting all over and some days, he’s overwhelmed by how much love he feels

- thats true…but you cant tell every women this…those “wounded birds” will be up in arms if you said this

Foots

July 21st, 2009
9:21 am

Rell — That’s right. You can’t tell every dude what I told him either. It’s a simple fact of life that sometimes you feel like strangling your love with a frayed iron cord until they pass out, then giving them mouth to mouth to bring them back. LOL

Rell - not complex

July 21st, 2009
9:28 am

@foots…try marriage and that line of thinking gets amplified…lol

Professor

July 21st, 2009
9:29 am

***Some days, he feels like starting all over and some days, he’s overwhelmed by how much love he feels****

That is real talk and a beautiful thing…I think we all feel that way

abc

July 21st, 2009
9:36 am

Being ‘complicated and complex’ is a liability in life. I consider it self-imposed drama. In general, life doesn’t have to be that way, and people who are like that tend to inflict themselves on other people rather than bring anybody any joy.

Tazzee - in need of some beach time

July 21st, 2009
9:44 am

Morning Folks!!!

What are those things that you know that you want in a potential mate, but you never reveal it? Perhaps you just wait to see if they do (or show) it on their own so they won’t fake it. Consistency. I don’t hide it from a potential mate intentionally, it’s just one of those things that only time reveals.

Have you ever dated someone and they do (or say something) that you never knew you needed but it spoke to your soul and now you can’t live without it? What was it? How did you handle it? I wouldn’t say I can’t live without it, but I really love how my guy takes care of me. I know I’ve mentioned this on here before but it blew my mind at first and was a little annoying. He can’t stand when I take out the trash and things like that. Now it just flows. I don’t take it for granted – he always tells me I don’t have to thank him (but I’m sure he loves the little kiss that comes with the ‘thank you’). If he and I don’t make it, he’s destroyed me for the next guy that comes along.

Not trying to change the topic early but…there was so much on TV/video last night – Chris Brown’s apology :roll: Joe Jackson on Larry King and TO’s new reality show.

Tazzee - in need of some beach time

July 21st, 2009
9:45 am

Oh and I don’t do complicated/complex….anymore. Too much time and energy.

Professor

July 21st, 2009
9:45 am

Do you all agree or disagree that certain backgrounds, upbringings and careers sort of influence how complex someone becomes. I go back and forth with that one…I have shared before that I have an uncle that is a medical doctor and he is quite simple and calm. However, I have seen other people with a less stressful occupation that is so complex and I often wonder.

D Dub of the MSP (formerly of the ATL)

July 21st, 2009
9:45 am

Is being complicated and complex a liability or an asset on the dating scene?

This may sound like a cop-out for an answer, but being complicated is a liability while you’re dating… until you find that person that appreciates it. Then it becomes an asset… but then are you still just dating? It’s somewhat like the chicken and the egg arguement – just not as complicated…

There is a difference between being quirky, being a character, and being complex. We all know that dating in the beginning stages is just like a job interview – you want to show that you aren’t a robot, but you want to make sure they don’t think you’re crazy either.

It’s a fine line to have to stay on, and to be honest, I’m glad I’m done with that portion… after you get married, then the fun starts and the two personalities start meshing.

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
9:45 am

Good Morning All,
I am CURRENTLY in LOVE with a VERY complex person.. Learning new ish everyday..

Professor

July 21st, 2009
9:47 am

Tazzee I mentioned everything you mentioned that was on TV last night…Foots I missed “Dating in the Dark” as well.

Professor

July 21st, 2009
9:48 am

That should have read I missed everything you mentioned….whew I need coffee or something…plus, I just got off the phone with my doctor so please bear with me.

Cemeeli

July 21st, 2009
9:48 am

sometimes you feel like strangling your love with a frayed iron cord until they pass out, then giving them mouth to mouth to bring them back.

Awww…i had already warmed the iron cord up. And then you tell me i have to put it away to resuscitate? Who’s side are you one Foots? :)

Morning…

I like what dw said in his post. Someone that is different than the old regular beaten path is a plus. Doing things that are off the perverbial radar to most is very attractive. Not to be complex or complicated, just not your average Reggie from Common Town, USA.

SexyCool - Positively giddy.

July 21st, 2009
9:49 am

Three Words Daily – Be vision led.

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
9:49 am

abc-Being ‘complicated and complex’ is a liability in life. I consider it self-imposed drama. In general, life doesn’t have to be that way, and people who are like that tend to inflict themselves on other people rather than bring anybody any joy.<– I agree with this BUT what if they KNOW that is just how they are & can’t help it?

Professor

July 21st, 2009
9:50 am

Hey Lioness!! Where have you been? I missed reading you, and the yogurt worked!!!

Cemeeli

July 21st, 2009
9:50 am

Moring Lioness! Welcome back missy.

SexyCool - Positively giddy.

July 21st, 2009
9:53 am

Um, yeah. Complexity. Well, you guys know that most often, I tend to prefer the shallow end of the pool.

In my opinion, even complex people are not that complicated if you pay enough attention to their rhythm. Just learn how they flow and move with it.

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
9:54 am

Professor- My answer is YES to your 9:45 questions. Some people internalize things and make them personal. Work to me is NOT personal but to some it is.. All depends on the type of person.

Cemeeli

July 21st, 2009
9:55 am

@ Tazzee – Around 9:30 i was watching the back of my eyelids. Then i woke up and TV ONE was showing “Best Man”.

GF called and said the “Colored Girls” play was awesome Sunday night. We’re going on Aug 6th.

abc

July 21st, 2009
9:59 am

Lioness, I’d say a person such as you describe would benefit from some kind of counseling. That said, I’m not a big believer in psychology, happy pills to cure one’s emotional ills, a lot of quackery. Christian counseling can be of some benefit, at least over the short term.

Or, some folks are just going to be difficult, problem children, requiring emotional problems to feel truly alive, calling it passion and complexity. If it’s not to be considered a malaise that can be overcome, then certainly, I’d avoid people like that if I could.

THE INFAMOUS DK

July 21st, 2009
10:00 am

Ya’ll ok I cant even read this morning.. I’m kinda pissed about that Louis Gates arrest.

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
10:02 am

Hola Professor & Cee!!
I needed to get some work done since I really can’t when blogging with you guys.. :lol:

THE INFAMOUS DK

July 21st, 2009
10:04 am

I dont think I’m complex but I am misunderstood. I like not letting people know me unless they earn it. I once wrote about it here about the castle with the moat but once I let the draw bridge down its beautiful on the other side of the walls.

THE INFAMOUS DK

July 21st, 2009
10:05 am

Professor – Be careful while Driving you might get arrested..

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
10:05 am

Sexy- In my opinion, even complex people are not that complicated if you pay enough attention to their rhythm. Just learn how they flow and move with it.<– I agree 1000%

Foots

July 21st, 2009
10:08 am

Cee — I’m on the side of love! LOL! And by default, on the side of the law…y’all not gone see me on YouTube talking about how sorry I am. :lol:

mqew

July 21st, 2009
10:09 am

Ceemeemee said Reggie.. :lol: HEY GURL

I think that whole complicated thing is a bunch of smoke and mirrors. Plain unadulterated BS, bullcaca. Don’t buy it at all.

I have discovered that a “hidden qualifier” that could melt my boyshorts off is a miggah with the gift of gab. OMG! Not just your run of the mill gabber but the one who everyone knows or at least thinks that they’re full of it, but no one cares, they’ll still buy the bridge.

SexyCool - Positively giddy.

July 21st, 2009
10:11 am

Lioness – Greetings.

Grace

July 21st, 2009
10:13 am

Good morning, I’ve done the complex/complicated dating once and vow to never do it again – way too much energy, mentally and emotionally. I think complex/complicated comes into play when you’re dating the wrong person for you, at least that was the case for me.

East Point's Own

July 21st, 2009
10:13 am

Complex… Complicated…Whatever those words mean with regard to dating…

If you don’t fall victim to popular trends and you actually take time to think about things beyond what you see on cnn, and the news you can get labeled as complex or whatever. I say its normal, if you actually read non fiction and try to form your own opinions people think you are something special.. but I think you are just how everyone should be… But then again if everyone formed their own opinions there would be no way to get rich… LoL

http://hispointofview.com (hmmmm did I pay me web site server this quarter??? we will see soon…I wonder if they send email reminders before they pull the plug??? I like paper bills so this situation never arises)

Cemeeli

July 21st, 2009
10:14 am

foots I guess your right. But if i drive the body around 285….hmmmm. I seen a spot. :) Lol JOKES people!!!

mqew Hey maam. i like that…”Reg the bullcaca”

Elijah ( Satisfaction Guaranteed)

July 21st, 2009
10:16 am

Good Morning Blogging superstars!

I have to agree with Abc on this one! Too many people use being complicated or complex as self-imposed drama or as an excuse as why they are doing something crazy. You can always do harm to yourself but do not use complexity excuse to harm others when you are in a relationship!

Complicated: Sometimes mean struggling to find inner happiness with yourself!

@Professor: I hope you reconsider not wanting to date someone from the blog world! :Lol: j/k!

Melo

July 21st, 2009
10:17 am

In my opinion, even complex people are not that complicated if you pay enough attention to their rhythm. Just learn how they flow and move with it

I second this SexyCool.
Cause i think am complex.Thats what Queen tells me.
good morning all!

Foots,hope u feeling better after that Tylenol PM.

Tazzee,ur man is doing everyting a real man is supposed to do.Dont be surprised by it and dont make it a habit of kissing him for that stuff.It shld be like breathing, to a man!
Feel obligated to reward him?? Give him some Tylenol PM then…hahaha(u know,changing ur strict code on that, a lil bit??) :lol:

Cam on luv parole??? aha…
Hey Proff!

East Point's Own

July 21st, 2009
10:18 am

Who ever said this In my opinion, even complex people are not that complicated if you pay enough attention to their rhythm. Just learn how they flow and move with it
Was right on… no one is all that complex if you actually PAY ATTENTION. If they are a “complex” person you just need to not keep trying to put them in the same box as other people you have dated and pay attention to the way they work. Its not hard at all unles they are they type who are not consistent with their thoughts/feelings, in that case they are not complex but they are unstable.

mqew

July 21st, 2009
10:19 am

Ceemee I know you’re not a smoker so I’ll leave the reggie comment alone.

Anyhoo, how’s the peeps? The lil man keeping you busy this summer or is it the other way around?

SexyCool - Positively giddy.

July 21st, 2009
10:19 am

Check out TheHungerSite.com – Free clicks count towards food donations.

Thanks, Maiysha aka Dr. Life…

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
10:20 am

Hey Sexxsay :)

Elijah- Complicated: Sometimes mean struggling to find inner happiness with yourself!<– WOW! I feel you with this.. BUT Soooo many people aren’t happy with themselves.. Are they really complicated though?

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

July 21st, 2009
10:20 am

I’ve got to concur w/ abc & others here. What’s being described here is not complexity — it’s inconsistency at best, and bi-polar disorder at worst. No, thank you.

JtJ

July 21st, 2009
10:22 am

Morning All……Hey Lioness…..where you been chica?

Life is complicated in itself, so I would stay away from individuals who identify themselves as complex or complicated. In past experiences, someone who claims they are so complicated are usually full of IT and themselves.

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
10:22 am

Melo- LMAO!! I am on ACTUAL Parole dude :evil:

Professor- I TOLD you that yogurt is the business :)

Lioness- Finally granted Parole

July 21st, 2009
10:24 am

JtJ- WTH?? Hey momma!! How are thangs with YOU!!

Inconsistency is retarded to me but who am I? I don’t believe there is a such thing as bi polar people

JtJ

July 21st, 2009
10:24 am

@ Lioness…..just saw the “status” after your blog name…….I see now!