Forgive and forget?
When you are fresh off a painful break up you aren’t always thinking clearly. If your ex has been particularly grimy and awful to you, you probably want them to feel the same amount of distress that they inflicted on you. This is when you need a voice of reason (not a partner in crime!) to talk you off the crazy cliff.
I’m not the type to exact revenge on men who have wronged me. I’ve done my own dirt and karma has visited my address, plenty of times. Sometimes it’s really best to let go and move on.
I have to admit that there are those moments that I think about getting revenge on an ex-boyfriend though. I dwell on it for a few hours and start cooking up some crazy idea to make him miserable. Do you ever think of an ex who you hurt you? How do you let all that go?
Have you ever done something crazy and irresponsible to get back at an ex? Did it make you feel better at all?
How do you learn to forgive and forget without taking revenge?
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287 comments Add your comment
DJ Sniper
July 20th, 2010
9:57 am
Just about all of my breakups have been amicable, so I’ve never dealt with a drama filled vindictive ex who was prone to busting windows, slashing tires, and other trifling behavior like that. Also, I’ve never had a reason to exact any type of revenge on an ex. There’s only one ex who I really had no love for, and that’s because she tried to name me as her son’s father. I could have done something bad to her, but my revenge was seeing her face after showing her the DNA test results that said I was not the father. That’s all I needed.
To her credit though, she recently found me on Facebook and apologized for everything that went down.
Lady-Resilient!!
July 20th, 2010
9:59 am
Blue I am turning 31 too soon I have a sideways look though honey it is something about the “1″ lolololololol IDK what the feeling is but its a feeling!
Lady-Resilient!!
July 20th, 2010
10:01 am
DJ Sniper those FB back in the day apologies are funny….I have had several…..I read and delete…..FB tends to mislead some foks to think we are still the same person or in the same state from 15 to 20 years ago…..NOT! Don’t let that playground fool ya! lol
Sassy Me...Chocolate Cutey :-)
July 20th, 2010
10:03 am
but men don’t typically go around keying cars, slashing tires, breaking windows, trying to sabotage you at work,
Maybe you’re spouting this to replies but you can’t be serious about that…there are stories in the news all of the time about men who’ve done these very same things to women…you know the man who doesn’t want to be alone so he tries to control EVERYTHING around him and when she leaves him…he FREAKS the eff out. What do you think the stalking laws are for?…for the simps that follow her to work,sit in the parking lot..key her car or slash her tires. And oh please don’t let her start dating someone new…I don’t even have to finish that one. You don’t have to admit it b/c we know better…so push on.
Sassy Me...Chocolate Cutey :-)
July 20th, 2010
10:05 am
should’ve been to *garner* replies….darn
Dirty Diana ♠
July 20th, 2010
10:05 am
Stories of psycho men that go nuts and kill their exes are in the news pretty regularly, but men don’t typically go around keying cars, slashing tires, breaking windows, trying to sabotage you at work, all the stuff that chicks typically do.
Hmmmmmmm I have seen just as many men sabatoge at work. On the receiving end, I would rather have my window broken than to be sitting in the morgue with a tag on my toe. Less not forget the countless stories of men taking the women’s car and coming back several days later…give me a break all of mankind are in this same boat
my point again this is not just women.
Lady-Resilient!!
July 20th, 2010
10:07 am
yeah we have seen on the news some men coming to the job!!!!!!! yep it happens!
PrincessNik..0727 'bout dat time
July 20th, 2010
10:08 am
Hey Everyone,
When I was younger I was probably more worried about the revenge part. However, Now that I’m older its like eh onward and upward, have a great life buddy.
Funny story though happened to One of my bro’s frat brothers chick put bologona slices all over his car, pulled the paint right off as he pulled the bologna off. sad but true.
Melo
July 20th, 2010
10:10 am
PrincessNik..0727 ??
he shld have reported that biaatch to the cops!
czBrat
July 20th, 2010
10:11 am
Women tend to slash tires, key cars, throw bricks, sabotage you at work and your life/relationships. Men just go nuts and kill the woman and not all of that other stuff.
exactly, reign. as i’m reading over some of these posts i’m thinking women tend to do more nuisance type revenge; men go for straight violence. still nobody wins.
blue/professor, it wasn’t a surprise. it was what he wanted to do for his b-day, so i set it up. there were spots of level 4 rapids, but much of the 5-mile stretch was pretty calm. we’re going to try a more challenging course next year. no worries about falling out, they show you how to sit and how to wedge yourself in good. there were a few casualties, but none from our raft. i felt bad for one raft that was made up entirely of a kid crew – on one particular rapid they all went in the water; only the guide stayed in the raft, and everyone along the bank was scrambling to drag the kids onto land. there are lots of other rafts out there with guides all prepared to throw lifelines and get you back in the raft. there are also safety lines along the bank in case you have to swim for it.
ok, back to our scheduled topic.
Dirty Diana ♠
July 20th, 2010
10:11 am
Sasssssssssssssssssssssssssy
he was a real player making sure the car got repainted and stuff. Thumbs up to him!
Also, I have had men do stuff to me, and I was like that is a real pie move. So we are wrong if we think men don’t do dirt. Hell I have seen men lie on their little johnson…saying they got the yams when they did not to keep someone from talking to the girl SAB-O-TAGE!
PrincessNik..0727 'bout dat time
July 20th, 2010
10:13 am
Melo we were in college, I think he probably did at least notify camups security but, he was such a ‘ho he didnt’ know which chick did it.
blue-7/30
July 20th, 2010
10:14 am
@Sassy – lmao, sometimes the way it comes back around makes you look at teh sky and say someone up there has a wicked sense of humor, lol. but if he borke up with her, why was she loaning him money anyway? find another bank…
)so i guess we’ll see what this brings. do find i have less patience for stupidity tho
@PR – women-psychological warfare. she nuts and will make you so. men-go big or go home, all or nothing baby
@Lady – yeah, 31s got me a little sketchy. survived turning 30 on the 30th (was waiting for like a meteor to hit me or something, just seemed like a sign of some sort…….no im not crazy
Dirty Diana ♠
July 20th, 2010
10:16 am
Sasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssy exactly on that 10:03! I am a single woman that dates I have seen men cut a fool…lie, mess with cars, call my phone 50-11 times, drive by etc.
Lady-Resilient!!
July 20th, 2010
10:16 am
yes ma’am blue that is the mind frame and that is with men and women just people period……..i digress! LOL
AmazonRed™
July 20th, 2010
10:17 am
Painful breakups…when he’s a jerk at least you have your anger to help get you through.
The worst ones are when he’s not a jerk, there is more right than wrong, and you just come to a point where you have to accept that you aren’t on the same page.
That’s the most painful one of all.
M. (pronouced Mdot)
July 20th, 2010
10:17 am
@Sassy Me…Chocolate Cutey
Dig That
July 20th, 2010
10:18 am
Good morning erybody.
this is funny. the only time something like that happened to me was in high school. I was banging the whole cheerleading squad and instead of getting mad at me or each other, they all got pissed at the chick they saw me with from another school and call themselves goin on a vandalizing tantrum. the chick calls me one morning and says you wouldn’t believe someone put ketchup, mustard,honey and flour and tampons all over the old lady next doors car and carved leave him alone bytch that is our man all over her brand new car. She was all upset that happened to her neighbor, and the whole time I wanted to tell her them dumb heffa’s did the wrong house. They thought it was your car. I went over there all concerned and the neighbor was like 67 years and outside crying talking bout her husband has been dead for years. Who would do this? I was dying laughing on the inside.
Leggs
July 20th, 2010
10:19 am
Good morning everyone!
I have never exacted revenge on any ex. I truly see no point in expelling so much of my energy trying to find ways to harm another. The best way to show someone you’re doing fine, if not better with them out of your life, is to live a good life and always be cordial when you see them. Ex’s hate it when you’re nice (much like enemies).
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SIR TRUTH!!!
AmazonRed™
July 20th, 2010
10:19 am
Biggest revenge I’ve gotten on a jerk of an ex… well, I happened to get word that he cheated on his current girlfriend. The word is small. So small that it didn’t take long for the word to get back to the girlfriend. Yes, I could have kept the gossip to myself but in that instance I didn’t.
Lady-Resilient!!
July 20th, 2010
10:20 am
30 is/was good and fun though I won’t complain!
PrincessNik..0727 'bout dat time
July 20th, 2010
10:20 am
DIG
Sassy Me...Chocolate Cutey :-)
July 20th, 2010
10:20 am
but if he borke up with her, why was she loaning him money anyway? find another bank…
Same question I used to ask blue…but she was sooo in love with dude…plus he was her child’s father and maybe she felt this super strong connection…I don’t know. This went on for a while before she finally understood that he just didn’t care about her. Now she has two more children with another loser….go figure.
M. (pronouced M dot)
July 20th, 2010
10:20 am
@Sassy Me…Chocolate Cutey
I agree with your 10:03am post and there are alot of these emotional Carl Thomas guys out here. I think its really deeper than the woman breaking up with them. This is the first woman that gave them play and now they are puttin all their eggs in the basket.
It all boils down to him not having any options! When you dont have any options and you lose your biggest investment, you do desperate things. Look what happened with LeBron James and how his owner started showing out after he left. Cleveland has no other options.
Melo
July 20th, 2010
10:20 am
he was such a ‘ho he didnt’ know which chick did it.
@PrincessN??
LOL
ur bro’s fat bro??
ur bro was a ho too then??
Raqi
July 20th, 2010
10:21 am
While I don’t particularly call it revenge I did let my anger be known with an ex by breaking up some of his stuff when I was moving out.
I have mentioned that before on here. I did it, that’s that, all parties have moved on.
Maybe in my next life I will be born perfect but in this life I am perfectly okay with just having learned to do better. LOL
SlimOne
July 20th, 2010
10:22 am
Haven’t been able to read up on all the posts…however, in regards to men not usually being the ones that key up cars, bust out windows etc…near where I live an exboyfriend set the chicks car and garage on fire just a few months ago. He had not come to terms with the break up….it was on the news and everything. I say that is wayyy more extreme than keying a car.
(Must’ve been some helluva good puddy hole)
Dig That
July 20th, 2010
10:24 am
@Slim- Now that dude was truly crazy. Better the car than her tho.
blue-7/30
July 20th, 2010
10:24 am
@Dig That – hilarious, but oh, that poor old lady. did any of yall help her clean up at least?
PrincessNik..0727 'bout dat time
July 20th, 2010
10:24 am
Melo
Yep sure was however when he was dating a chick he was faithful but the in-between times
, he is now what i like to refer to a reformed ho LOL
Raqi
July 20th, 2010
10:24 am
abc I agree about the psycho men. Most scorned men get their revenge by killing the woman, which is a much harsher approach in dealing with a broken heart or bruised ego.
I would rather have my car scratched or possessions destroyed than to have my life taken.
Melo
July 20th, 2010
10:28 am
Must’ve been some helluva good puddy hole)
@Slimone??
I’m sure YEAH LURKER will have some to say later tday about that kinda of fillet mignon puddy!
Dig That
July 20th, 2010
10:28 am
@blue- she lived in one those uppity neighborhoods so the whole street came out to help her and insurance paid to paint it, but it was just the biggest mystery to them. I did feel bad for her because after awhile, but as crazy as I was and 17 years old it was the funniest thing ever watching that old lady trying to figure it out.
Sassy Me...Chocolate Cutey :-)
July 20th, 2010
10:32 am
I am a single woman that dates I have seen men cut a fool…lie, mess with cars, call my phone 50-11 times, drive by etc.
OKAY?! Dirty Dianaaaaaaaaa they’re tryna act like it doesn’t happen…even now as I type these words the name Brian Nichols comes to mind. That fool not only went to his exes home but kidnapped n assaulted her….
So umm does that mean you likey M?
Dirty Diana ♠
July 20th, 2010
10:32 am
@blue/Lady I feel the same way I did at 25 so I am still waiting for that magical 30-something feeling. All I can say young’uns is keep waiting…maybe it will happen when we hit 40!
czBrat it sounds like a lot of fun, but I am not there yet with the rafting….I will have you live that one out for me
SlimOne
July 20th, 2010
10:32 am
‘Now that dude was truly crazy. Better the car than her tho.’
Dig That – well her and her son were in the house at the time of the fire…he did it in the wee hours of the morning and a neighbor just to happened to notice the blaze out in the driveway. So they were able to get out without injury.
Dirty Diana ♠
July 20th, 2010
10:34 am
Sassssssssssssssssssssssssssy,
we are so >>>here<<< for a minute I thought some of these men were on the dating prowl "if you know what I mean" because they seem like experts.
Mental note drive by Bulldogs
Lady-Resilient!!
July 20th, 2010
10:37 am
LOL DD!
Sassy Me...Chocolate Cutey :-)
July 20th, 2010
10:37 am
there are alot of these emotional Carl Thomas guys out here. I think its really deeper than the woman breaking up with them.
True that M it goes much deeper for some and that’s scary but what’s worse is when you don’t/can’t see it coming and then WHAM!! You’ve got a fool on your hands. Luckily I haven’t had that problem…yet.. and hope I never will.
czBrat
July 20th, 2010
10:37 am
blue, i think from 30 on i stopped feeling older and just started feeling better each year. has a lot to do with personal/spiritual growth and taking good care of yourself.
Slim that’s insane!
Raqi, i’m guessing it boils down to that primal “it’s MINE!!” mentality. there is a fine line between protective and possessive.
It's me....lurker
July 20th, 2010
10:38 am
The dude that took the chick’s money was a bigger azz than she was stupid. KNOWING he was done with her. Doesn’t matter how much of an ex or how dumb the chick was, he got it by lying. If she was that much of an ex, then he should have been bumming off his current. I’m just not as big as most then cause you take from me under false pretense and deceitfully hand to another chick? I ain’t handing out cash to no dude but call me batty then, cause the ONLY way he would have avoided the crazies coming to surface, either he handed it back with interest or I would have gotten it back…own my own. Nope vengence ain’t mine but that kind of foolishness would have been rectified.
czBrat
July 20th, 2010
10:38 am
Sassy, i honestly believe that on some level we always ’see it coming’.
PrincessNik..0727 'bout dat time
July 20th, 2010
10:39 am
Blue/Lady/Diana
I’ve noticed that since i turned 30 last year i put up with a lot less, my BS detector is set at -10. I told my mom guess what, I’m good and grown now
I’ve been grown for a while, but turning 30 made me feel GOOD AND GROWN. She found that hiliarious, but she agreed. Gotta love mom’s
Dig That
July 20th, 2010
10:41 am
@Slim- Before now I have always been a true playboy so I really had no concept of a girlfriend. I really can’t think of anything that would make me act in such a manner and I have had some of the best puddy imaginable.
Lady-Resilient!!
July 20th, 2010
10:41 am
same page PK same page!!!!!! lol
kimmie
July 20th, 2010
10:42 am
Morning all!
I’m scared of everybody, always have been. You just don’t know when somebody is going to SNAP. I’ve always been able to keep my emotions against a jerk ex in check for that very reason. It would just be my luck to do something stupid to a dude’s property and have it end violently for me. I don’t get away with nothing. So I’ve learned to EASE AWAY. I told you all about that guy that cried his eyes out when I broke it off with him – that scared me & I know if I hadn’t EASED AWAY, he was the type that might do something you’d be seeing on the news.
So my best “revenge” is living well! I keep on looking good and taking care of myself. Sweet “revenge” was years later, seeing 2 of my exes that thought they were all that, no longer “buff” – beer bellies and all, with chubby wives/girlfriends in tow!LOL!!
Lady-Resilient!!
July 20th, 2010
10:42 am
waving @ dig that!
Dig That
July 20th, 2010
10:43 am
I would rather have my car scratched or possessions destroyed than to have my life taken.
Amen Raqi
Dig That
July 20th, 2010
10:43 am
Hey Lady. How you doing babe?
blue-7/30
July 20th, 2010
10:43 am
@Dig That – yeah, could see as a teenager too ahrd to get the laughter under control to hlep out lmao. at least she was covered tho
@Princess – reformed ho, lol. should make them recovering hos, put them in a group, like AA…
@Sassy, Diana – dead on ladies. men are just as crazy, jus arent as ready to admit. i’ll admit there are times ive thought about cutting someone….did i do it…no.
@Raqi, cz – “its MINE!!” mentality is sure what it seems like, complete with the “it” instead of her or she. a true possession. makes you glad you got out of dodge when you did