Do I Know You?
After reading reports that have emerged about the young lady that killed Steve McNair, I couldn’t help but feel sad for the girl. Like Ms. Kazemi, I think that there are many of us who are dealing with stress and anxiety but we never show it outwardly. The person we are dating could be under a tremendous amount of pressure and we don’t truly know what it’s about or how they are dealing with it.
When it comes to new relationships, how much do we really share with one another? We would probably be apprehensive to divulge the personal secrets and private matters because it would run the person off. At what point do you let someone in?
Sometimes being too guarded and mysterious hinders a new relationship, and in Mcnair’s case it was deadly. How well do you know the person you are seeing? When do they gain access?
I remember when I was seeing a guy for a few weeks and purposely being vague about where my office was located. He kept wanting to come take me to lunch, insisting that he would pick me up. While it was a sweet gesture, I had to say “Look, don’t take this the wrong way, but I am not comfortable letting you know where I live/work, yet” I did not like how he reacted to this because I thought he would be more understanding. A single woman living in the city can never be too careful. I advised him to be selective in who he shares personal information with as well.
Do you ever worry about bringing the wrong person in to your life? How do you safeguard yourself? After you do the general check for “the crazy”, what other things do you observe about the person you are seeing?
Have you ever met someone who misrepresented themselves completely? How did you handle it?
Happy Monday!
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© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
560 comments Add your comment
-W8© aka Leon Phelps
July 13th, 2009
2:42 pm
What is love? What is this longing in our hearts for togetherness? Is it not the sweetest flower? Does not this flower of love have the fragrant aroma of fine, fine diamonds? Does not the wind love the dirt? Is not love not unlike the unlikely not it is unlikened to? Are you with someone tonight? Do not question your love. Take your lover by the hand. Release the power within yourself. Your heard me, release the power. Tame the wild cosmos with a whisper. Conquer heaven with one intimate caress. That’s right don’t be shy. Whip out everything you got and do it in the butt. By Leon Phelps
SexyCool - So Fresh and so clean.
July 13th, 2009
2:42 pm
I spend a lot of time thinking about the “Know thyself.” of it all. I listen to what people talk about to know whether or not they’ve spent time with themselves.
If your whole conversation is your job, your car, your house, who you know, where you’ve been, latest celeb gossip, your appearance, your clothes, but you cannot discuss ideas, beliefs or abstract thoughts, I may question how well you know yourself and how well you really want to know me.
Because I want to be with someone who wants to know me.
Poppa Grande
July 13th, 2009
2:43 pm
Raqi
Probably not.
However, I am more of a sugar cookie or snickerdoodle kind of guy.
I am not a big fan of chocolate. However, the Belgium chocolate bars that Trader Joe’s sell makes me wonder if I am just of a chocolate snob instead chocolate hater. Their chocolate bars come in packs of three and are pretty good.
SexyCool - So Fresh and so clean.
July 13th, 2009
2:44 pm
I saw the Leon Phelps coming. I promise I did. LMAO!
As to So Fresh So Clean – Ain’t nobody dope as me……
AmazonRed™ - show stoppin'
July 13th, 2009
2:44 pm
I am not a big fan of chocolate.
PG – Same here. Women always look in horror when I say this.
Raqi
July 13th, 2009
2:45 pm
Leggs how you gonna do that? You have to give the details to validate the answer.
The thing you is can meet a person and that person can totally have your heart like you would have never imagined.
People have been known to lose themselves in love. And lot of them didn’t even see it coming. I am friends with one.
Poppa Grande
July 13th, 2009
2:47 pm
AR
Women always look in horror when I say this
Well, at least they don’t reach down to feel if you’ve got a package or not. Looks are harmless.
AmazonRed™ - show stoppin'
July 13th, 2009
2:51 pm
Well, at least they don’t reach down to feel if you’ve got a package or not.
PG – Over chocolate? I thought it was a womens specific obsession anyway.
Raqi
July 13th, 2009
2:53 pm
Tazzee the were trying to say that people gain weight in relationship because they are unhappy or unfulfilled.
And they were saying that some people tend to take on the eating habits of their mates. Now that one I partly believe.
But Mason said for him it’s the fact that he eats more complete meals now and he is less on the go. He said when he was not married he grab whatever he had in the fridge coming and going. And the was out and about doing things with whomever he was dating or with his friends.
Although he still goes out with his friends, most nights now he will eat dinner and then go do some work in his office or sit and watch television. I am there with him so he is not eating on the run. He still works out but he is eating more. I make him brownies and cookies to take in his lunch sometimes. He didn’t have too much of that before.
And cooking hearty meals is also a way that many show they care for others. They did sorta mention that on the show. And I do kinda agree with that statement.
Lord Velonese
July 13th, 2009
2:55 pm
WD wrote: “He kept wanting to come take me to lunch, insisting that he would pick me up. While it was a sweet gesture, I had to say “Look, don’t take this the wrong way, but I am not comfortable letting you know where I live/work, yet” I did not like how he reacted to this because I thought he would be more understanding. A single woman living in the city can never be too careful.”
Like Mcnair, looks like you’re going to have to kill the guy.
SexyCool - So Fresh and so clean.
July 13th, 2009
2:55 pm
Does Mrs. Grande know folks are feeling you up over chocolate? LOL
kimmie-back to my original self!
July 13th, 2009
3:00 pm
people gain weight in relationship because they are unhappy or unfulfilled.
Raqi – I would think it might be just the opposite. I’ve seen much more people gain weight in relationships because they are dating and going out to eat all the time. A lot of dates center around food, whether you are going out or eating at home. And folks are not necessarily eating carrot sticks or sipping Slim Fast in candlelight or in front of that roaring fireplace! Then I’ve noticed when SOME folks get married they may become homebodies/couch potatoes moreso than when they were single. I don’t know, interesting question though.
SexyCool - I'm thinking in morse code.
July 13th, 2009
3:00 pm
One of my BFF’s has sister who is SUPER ghetto. She has tattoos all over the place. She just got the card symbols – hearts, spades, diamonds and clubs tatted around her midsection.
I asked her why she did that. She said it was to hide her stretch marks.
My response, “Did you ever consider a shirt?”
Raqi
July 13th, 2009
3:01 pm
Tazzee one example one lady gave was how when you went to your grandmother’s house as a child the first thing she did was try to feed you. Stuff you with good food, cakes and whatnot. It was her way of showing her love. I think that is true.
Many of us were raised hearing the way to a man’s heart is thru his stomach. Okay from there we cook for the men we love. Many in return for his heart (his love).
From the part that I caught they weren’t really talking about obesity or anything. But just the fact that most tend to put on some pounds after they have settled down in couplehood.
Raqi
July 13th, 2009
3:06 pm
And folks are not necessarily eating carrot sticks or sipping Slim Fast in candlelight or in front of that roaring fireplace!
That’s funny but you are correct.
Mason told me yesterday that Wednesday night he is going to hand feed me some lobster tail dipped in butter that he will cook on the grill himself. Now he don’t hardly cook around here. And I don’t just buy lobster to eat like that. Nor I am for dipping it in butter because butter you know just ain’t good for you in large doses. LOL But imma eat that lobster tail with the butter and all. Not even caring about the number of calories.
Tazzee - in need of some beach time
July 13th, 2009
3:06 pm
Raqi – when I went to Houston this past weekend folks kept commenting that ‘love’ put a little weight on me… I do know that I eat dinner more often and don’t spend as much time in the gym now that I’m coupled up. So I would tend to agree with Mason. But then again, when I’m unhappy, I spend more time in the gym than when I’m happy. It’s my release.
SexyCool – my trainer has helped me see that my routine was becoming just that…routine.
-W8©
July 13th, 2009
3:08 pm
Well folks got the call…time to earn my keep
“I come in peace, I didn’t bring artillery. But I am pleading with you with tears in my eyes: If you f**k with me, I’ll kill you all.”
General Mattis, to Iraqi tribal leaders
The Joker
July 13th, 2009
3:08 pm
Your leggs.
Raqi
July 13th, 2009
3:09 pm
SexyCool tattoos to cover stretch marks. That’s sort of a permanent solution to a temporary problem, eh? LOL And yeah a shirt would have been a more obvious choice.
Leggs
July 13th, 2009
3:09 pm
@Raqi, knew you would come back with a response like that. However, there was a time in my life where we couldn’t get enough of each other. The love making was raw, the conversations heartfelt and genuine. The topics we spoke on were endless and many nights saw daylight creeping through the windows. As time went by and our hearts continue to grow with sheer desire and wanting to make a life with each my eyes began to see different things. I realized that although we want the same things, he was quite content w/o making any headway to further his life. Once the words “what’s love got to do with it” popped in my head, I was doomed. We clung to each other like two drowing victims gasping for air. We knew it wasn’t meant to be, and eventually we let each other float on. That’s when I knew I was grown and believed in myself.
Poppa Grande
July 13th, 2009
3:09 pm
AR
I thought it was a womens specific obsession anyway.
What is funny is that women should limit chocolate because it can suppress the immune system.
There are studies that are currently going on. There is a hypothesis that chocolate consumption makes females more prone to contract the herpes virus.
No studies have been conclusive one way or the other.
Tazzee - in need of some beach time
July 13th, 2009
3:10 pm
And folks are not necessarily eating carrot sticks or sipping Slim Fast in candlelight or in front of that roaring fireplace!
kimmie – you got that right. Although I might have to start
Leggs
July 13th, 2009
3:12 pm
Aren’t the lips side by side? Right lip, left lip!
Raqi
July 13th, 2009
3:14 pm
But Leggs had you all gotten to the love part yet. All of that you named can be just the result of starter’s infatuation and the novelty of the relationships.
Am I talking about tried and true love.
The Joker
July 13th, 2009
3:14 pm
What happened to the wind?
Jamoca
July 13th, 2009
3:14 pm
Demi – What do you mean trying ? lol Last you spit it, you’sa grown a$$ mayne…renovating, remodeling, school etc…sounds like you’ve got a few plans up your sleeve. Good for you, besides…I’m sure you know, yeen missin’ much out there. What’s out there, will always be. Demi say: Him ain’t got time fo’ bishes, gotta keep his mind on his mitty ficky rishes…even when I die, they won’t worry me, mama don’t cry…bury me a ___?
The past weekend, I’d say was pretty relaxing…Just me and Arturo Feunte riding out to the docks, picked up some fresh seafood, grouper, kingfish etc…right off the boat. Even bit and sucked the head off of a few crawfish. Nice n’ spicy, but like crab —> a fool’s food… Lil’ bitty meat 2PieceChick I’m officially hooked on that signature drink of yours, btw.
Melo
July 13th, 2009
3:15 pm
were trying to say that people gain weight in relationship because they are unhappy or unfulfilled
i wld think the opposite esp females.
They eat,go nowhere,dont do much to improve or shed weight coz in some ways,they are content.Marriage and babies will make some females gain weight.
Many of us were raised hearing the way to a man’s heart is thru his stomach
why are u being politically “incorect”?? U dont belive it?? I know u doso why not say it like u believe it?
She said it was to hide her stretch marks
a self esteem/insecurity issue,surely!! We all have them and some feel their issues are extreme.
I wish it werent like that.
I do luv some stretch marks tho on a lady.Strange?? i dont know,but i really do.
Poppa Grande
July 13th, 2009
3:16 pm
I would think it might be just the opposite. I’ve seen much more people gain weight in relationships because they are dating and going out to eat all the time.
I agree with Kimmie.
Along with that a lot of social events seems to evolve around some food. Fish fry, bar-b-q, sit down dinners, pot luck, etc.
I attended a friend’s 50th birthday party and his wife had it catered. There was so much Williams Bros. bar-b-q there.
Even if it isn’t a big event, finger foods (cheese, crackers, wings, etc) seem to be around.
Add to that beer, wine, cocktails, etc. Alcohol isn’t good for the waistline either. It is a source of empty calories.
lurker
July 13th, 2009
3:19 pm
Am I talking about tried and true love.
Tried and true don’t come in eight years….gotta have some boat rocking to get to that stage. If it’s been and still allll gravy, you ain’t there yet.
lurker
July 13th, 2009
3:20 pm
Now that was on behalf of my folks….54 years plus
Leggs
July 13th, 2009
3:22 pm
Way past the infatuation and novelty stage. More lumps in the gravy than anything! Tried and true. Yes, indeed! Now, merely friends for life!
Black Mamba AKA Princess Xiomara
July 13th, 2009
3:22 pm
Chiming in late as hell…but here goes!
“Sometimes being too guarded and mysterious hinders a new relationship” Hell yeah. If I feel you have to many secrets I am cool on you! I am like an open book…whatever you want to know ask. Dudes that are secretive 9 times out of 10 are hiding a wife, girlfriend..a whole other life. You are the jumpoff and don’t even know it! I had that happen to me so I learn form my mistake. Mysterious my a$$…that dude is hiding something or shall I say somebody. Granted I do not let dudes know where I live right off that bat…or course we go psychos out there. However…I have nothing to hide. And it eats away at me when men say, “I have no reason to lie”. Well of course you don’t…but that doesn’t stop you from lying does it? Yeah I have severe trust issues. Trust is earned and not given from the start. What makes you different from any of these fools who want to get with me for whatever reason? You just have a different look and possibly a different approach! So I automatically think you are no good from the jump…until you show me otherwise! I would be the biggest dumb a$$ not to learn form my past! I am not saying you WILL do those things…but I wouldn’t put it past you!
“Was she wrong? YES! But he shoulders more of the blame. Had he honored his vows, he wouldn’t have had to worry about getting shot (or even caught) by a mistress” ARED…you hit the nail on the head! I always say..if you live with your “sword”…you will die because of it! Don’t stick it where it doesn’t belong!
“Girl Im so good it will make you want to kill me and yourself”…Oh that is some lovin’ you can keep!
GRACE…”Why is it that women who believe what a man tells her have to be labled as having low self esteem? Even the smartest woman can be duked by a man,” and people wonder why I am the way I am. You can’t win girl.
DEMI…stop humping my leg!
SASSY…girl you and me both can be perfect dominatrix queens!
Speaking of…W8..you left your dog collar at my crib!
W8..I am mad at your 2:42….Ladies man quote! Classic!
THE INFAMOUS DK
July 13th, 2009
3:23 pm
W8 – What is love? Love is a misunderstanding between two fools.. Thats what my Great Grandma told me.
Raqi
July 13th, 2009
3:24 pm
Lurker that’s what I am talking about. I have many years ahead of me to learn how deep I am capable of falling. In sickness and in health. Thru richer or poorer. Forsaking allll others. Til death.
I want to know what love is. Tried and true.
Poppa Grande
July 13th, 2009
3:27 pm
Infamous
Love is a misunderstanding between two fools.
I can understand that statement.
lurker
July 13th, 2009
3:30 pm
W8 – What is love? Love is a misunderstanding between two fools.. Thats what my Great Grandma told me….
that’s what my momma says as well
Melo
July 13th, 2009
3:31 pm
Tried and true don’t come in eight years
how many years then Lurker?? 10,15,20??
Raqi
July 13th, 2009
3:32 pm
Infamous Always. The woman has her idea of what it means to love and be love, and the man has his. It truly is a misunderstanding.
Even the smartest woman can be duked by a man
Staceye I missed when Grace said that. And I agree. You know that’s why I asked that question to Infamous because I believed he would answer honestly.
People tickle me acting or lying like they have never straight out lied to get what they wanted and then others pretending like they have never fell for the okie doke. Heck it’s all a part of living and growing. No one is immune to the trials of dating and being dated.
SexyCool - I'm thinking in morse code.
July 13th, 2009
3:33 pm
If I can get to the “tried and true” part without any of the “trying”, I’ll take it.
lurker
July 13th, 2009
3:35 pm
Not nessarily a number…I can agree….I was making a point. You’re right, tried and true can come in any number that brings the storms you’re weathered. Petty things such as I wanted him to wear polo but he wore izod….don’t count.
Tazzee - in need of some beach time
July 13th, 2009
3:36 pm
If I can get to the “tried and true” part without any of the “trying”, I’ll take it.
All I know is that I don’t know how capable I am of falling. I’m interested in finding out though.
Raqi
July 13th, 2009
3:36 pm
Melo I agree with lurker. There is so much out there that we could possibly face that will try us and our love. We have a new baby. We have officially enter a new realm of our lives.
Jamoca
July 13th, 2009
3:37 pm
LOL @ DK. Love = Moment(s) of insanity. Ever been insane? Somehow the whole “what is love”? question reminds me of Antonio Banderas’ character Luis Vargas in the movie Original Sin. To go to those lengths over another someone. In his case, I think it was a little bit of both…or a lot rather…
THE INFAMOUS DK
July 13th, 2009
3:39 pm
Sexy – Wouldnt we all like to just jump start some greatness.. But I understand for greatness that garden has to be plowed, weeded, fertilized and airated to produce the yeild we want.. Yes you have to toil in your field.. I know I hate it too. I wish I could hire a stunt dude to do all the work and I can reap the benfits..
Pretty Wings
July 13th, 2009
3:40 pm
More women should date like men. Fcuk it, keep’em on rotation….
SexyCool - I'm thinking in morse code.
July 13th, 2009
3:41 pm
Infamous – Tell me about it.
Raqi
July 13th, 2009
3:41 pm
Melo at this very moment I believe in my heart that I can live with my husband even in a cardboard box, but I have yet to face that. And losing it all can make him lose his will to live and be. Could I live with him in that state? I don’t know. I just hope I can.
Jamoca
July 13th, 2009
3:41 pm
…then how could it be “true” if one is only interested in preserving the relationship merely through or based on the “good times”? Al G. please get out of my head…
THE INFAMOUS DK
July 13th, 2009
3:42 pm
Hey I’ve been checking out this chick.. SKYE lately.. She has a nice voice.. She was singing Feels Good Inc by the Gorillas live at KCRW and girly killed it.. She reminds me of the chick from Morcheeba..
lurker
July 13th, 2009
3:49 pm
Raqi There was a lot I learned watching mom and pops. At first (my teenage years) I didn’t get it and I know (as I’m sure some of my sibs thought as well), “you gon take that?” But really, what I thought she/he was taking really wasn’t what I thought or as it appeared. I was on the outside looking (of their marriage). I can remember something as simple us all having dinner out and he’d look at a lady walk past the table. My mom would be as cool as a cucumber but I was boiling on the inside….disrespecting my mama and all. I would think, NO HE DIDN’T. Well, growing older and experiencing relationships, one comes to understand (somewhat) the mechanisms of men, what they do, how they operate. There were soooo many things I’d think, shoot I ain’t gonna take that when I get grown. When in reality, I was passing an opinion on something I had no insight into nor had really experienced. During the time of my father’s illness, I got to REALLY see how they related. She was the yin to his yang. It’s not that it wasn’t there all along but during my younger years, we had a family and grew as a family and loved as a family but through all of that, they had a relationship separate…if I can say that. They didn’t live separate from us but they had a thing between the two of them that really, if you weren’t there or 1 of the 2, then no you wouldn’t get it.