Do I Know You?
After reading reports that have emerged about the young lady that killed Steve McNair, I couldn’t help but feel sad for the girl. Like Ms. Kazemi, I think that there are many of us who are dealing with stress and anxiety but we never show it outwardly. The person we are dating could be under a tremendous amount of pressure and we don’t truly know what it’s about or how they are dealing with it.
When it comes to new relationships, how much do we really share with one another? We would probably be apprehensive to divulge the personal secrets and private matters because it would run the person off. At what point do you let someone in?
Sometimes being too guarded and mysterious hinders a new relationship, and in Mcnair’s case it was deadly. How well do you know the person you are seeing? When do they gain access?
I remember when I was seeing a guy for a few weeks and purposely being vague about where my office was located. He kept wanting to come take me to lunch, insisting that he would pick me up. While it was a sweet gesture, I had to say “Look, don’t take this the wrong way, but I am not comfortable letting you know where I live/work, yet” I did not like how he reacted to this because I thought he would be more understanding. A single woman living in the city can never be too careful. I advised him to be selective in who he shares personal information with as well.
Do you ever worry about bringing the wrong person in to your life? How do you safeguard yourself? After you do the general check for “the crazy”, what other things do you observe about the person you are seeing?
Have you ever met someone who misrepresented themselves completely? How did you handle it?
Happy Monday!
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560 comments Add your comment
DJ Demi
July 13th, 2009
8:49 am
Do you ever worry about bringing the wrong person in to your life?
Nope, Demi is covered by the blood of JESUS-ha!!
How do you safeguard yourself?
By not dating church women who attend chuch seven days of the week-ha
After you do the general check for “the crazy”, what other things do you observe about the person you are seeing?
If the woman is pulling a Papa Roach-ha…by saying:
Cut my life into pieces
I’ve reached my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don’t give a f/k
If I cut my arm bleeding
Would it be wrong
Would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I’m contemplating suicide
Cause I’m losing my sight,
Losing my mind,
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine
Losing my sight ,
Losing my mind,
Wish somebody would tell I’m fine
Pretty Wings
July 13th, 2009
8:59 am
Good Morning
As a single woman, you did the right thing by not giving him information to your home and job, I am the same way. Although I may not obsess over it, I am careful and concerned regarding people that want to get to know everything too fast.
The Steve McNair case was a little different – was it her that mis represented or was it him? I say that because when a man starts buying you cars, condo’s and staying at your crib, that sent the wrong messasge to her (no she should not have killed him). But he misrepresented himself to her what their relationship was truly all about. When she found out that she was a “jump-off” she could’nt handle it – she was young you guys know the rest……….
Mike Jones (who)
July 13th, 2009
9:02 am
It can be hard to find out where someones head REALLY is. I’ve found that if you pay attention to what she says and ask questions a person will tell you all you need to know. (Been divorced 7 times, 3 kids 5 baby daddies, She can run really really fast in high heels) These are just a few things that should set off a silent alarm.
AmazonRed™ - show stoppin'
July 13th, 2009
9:04 am
Happy Monday everyone. Let’s get it!
While I am open about who I am and what makes me tick, I am EXTREMELY guarded about letting a guy know where I work and live and all that. I don’t plan on leaving my job anytime soon and I don’t plan to sell my house either, so it’s gonna take awhile til you get to see the crib. At the very least, I’m gonna see yours first!
As for McNair, I’m sure he had some inkling of the financial pressures she was going through. She worked at Dave and Busters! She was paying rent, and a note on two cars (and one he stuck her with the payments for). I think he just really didn’t care about her all that much. After the DUI he left in a cab without speaking to her. I think it all began to hit home for her just how insignificant she was to him.
Turd Ferguson
July 13th, 2009
9:06 am
She was just getting even with him.
Page1908
July 13th, 2009
9:08 am
Good Morning!
LOL Mike Jones. I agree with you. I’m not a fan of the “20 questions” at the initial start of getting to know someone because I think if you just listen and pay attention to what is being said (and sometimes not said) you will find out what you need to know.
Awwwwwwww...Dayum
July 13th, 2009
9:11 am
She can run really really fast in high heels
Awwwwwwww…Dayum, Mike Jone!!!!!
That’s half of the ladies on this blog!!
Run Forest, Run Forest…RUN!!!
By Awwwwwwww…Dayum
Awwwwwwww...Dayum
July 13th, 2009
9:14 am
My baad y’all. Awwwwwwww…Dayum is having trouble adjusting to this Awwwwwwww…Dayum’n format. This new set up is Awwwwwwww…Dayum, not right.
By Awwwwwwww…Dayum
Leggs
July 13th, 2009
9:21 am
Good morning everyone.
Professor
July 13th, 2009
9:24 am
Good Morning!!
When it comes to new relationships, how much do we really share with one another?
I am a very private person so it is difficult for me to share point blank period. However if I have a vibe with someone and we are spending quality time together than that makes it a lot easier.
At what point do you let someone in? I guess when it feels right. However I do not like to be strong-armed so I am very cautious of guys trying to push themselves on me (asking where I stay, work etc.).
@Pretty Wings I totally agree. Although the car and gifts were pennies to McNair it was big to her. “One man’s junk is another man’s treasure,” or something like that it meant something to her and spending all of that time with her only added more fuel to the fire.
@Mike Jones/Page I agree just listen to what the person is saying. I do this all the time I listen to what I am being told. At what point do you call them out on (when the lies are coming through)?
Professor
July 13th, 2009
9:32 am
@ARed, BTW can you even fathom the pressure she was under trying to pay two car notes on a D&B salary???
Sassy Me...juicy fruit callin' out all fakes :-)
July 13th, 2009
9:36 am
When it comes to new relationships, how much do we really share with one another?
There are alot of things we are still learning about each other in th beginning so I usually don’t divulge deep personal information. Eventually as time passes and trust grows I may open up and share some things but even then there are some cards that I will always keep to my chest in that regard.
A single woman living in the city can never be too careful.
I agree with that b/c I’m very guarded with info about where I live and am usually guarded about where I work but trying to get up here is akin to getting in Fort Knox…if you don’t have an id bagde you CAN’T get in and if you’re visiting you have to go through tight security. When it comes to meeting men places I always meke it a public place….I had a guy once suggest we meet at his house and I was like NOT….a single woman in the “A” can never be too careful.
Do you ever worry about bringing the wrong person in to your life? How do you safeguard yourself? After you do the general check for “the crazy”, what other things do you observe about the person you are seeing? Have you ever met someone who misrepresented themselves completely? How did you handle it?
I’ve learned that people willl reveal themselves to you BUT the key is to pay attention…even to something we think is miniscule. After I do the “crazy” check I look,listen and pay attention to what’s said and moreso unsaid.
I meet men who miserpresent themselves on a constant basis one of MC Lytes raps always comes to mind…..PAPER THIN. Once I’ve seen that then I feed ‘em with a looong handled spoon.
Morning blog fam
I HAD A FABULOUS WEEKEND 
Mike Jones (who)
July 13th, 2009
9:38 am
@Professor Once you realize they are not being truthful there is no point in calling them out. Just keep it moving.
Grace
July 13th, 2009
9:41 am
Good morning and good move WISE in not letting the new guy in your personal space too soon. I too don’t divulge information about where I live or work until we’ve been talking consistantly for a while and I feel I can trust him and let him know my information. I too have lost a number of dates because I wouldn’t let him pick me up from my house. My sister seems to not have a problem meeting a guy on Sunday and having him over on Tuesday. Some people are comfortable with that, but I’m not, there’s way too much crazies out there for me and I’m too suspicious about everything.
abc
July 13th, 2009
9:44 am
While keeping secrets and telling lies is a chick’s way of life, why are you dating someone if you’re afraid to let them know where you work and/or live? That makes no sense to me.
AmazonRed™ - show stoppin'
July 13th, 2009
9:44 am
BTW can you even fathom the pressure she was under trying to pay two car notes on a D&B salary???
Professor – I’m saying.
You know there is a news report with a quote from her cousin or something. He said that McNair liked her because she was “different.” She wanted to pay for things on her own. I assume she was trying to prove to him that she wasn’t just into it for the money, even though she didn’t have any! I’m sure he took advantage of that fact. You should always take care of your side piece right cuz she can always tell the WIFE!
I mean, if you’re gonna willingly sign up for 2nd best (if that) at least get paid for it!
Professor
July 13th, 2009
9:46 am
Thanks Mike that is what I usually do, but one of my friends always tells me, “You should have called his azz out.” My feelings are, what’s the point and does it add any value?
AmazonRed™ - show stoppin'
July 13th, 2009
9:48 am
why are you dating someone if you’re afraid to let them know where you work and/or live? That makes no sense to me.
abc – So it makes more sense to you to invite strangers into your home upon meeting them?
Professor
July 13th, 2009
9:48 am
abc…I think they mean early on in the getting to know each other stage. During that stage you doing know if you are dating Ted Bundy or Ted Turner.
Professor
July 13th, 2009
9:48 am
I meant you don’t know not “doing”
Professor
July 13th, 2009
9:50 am
***I mean, if you’re gonna willingly sign up for 2nd best (if that) at least get paid for it!***
Right On!!!
Page1908
July 13th, 2009
9:51 am
Professor- I agree with Mike Jones. For me, if I notice some inconsistencies, I don’t say anything at all. I mean, to me, there is a difference between someone being gaurded and sorta vague (like the work they do) or some specific examples like that, but flat out lying? No, I just keep it moving.
mqew
July 13th, 2009
9:55 am
What up blog fam. Long time no type to.
R.I.P. to both individuals cause obviously issues were alive and well in their lives. McNair should have never got involved with a female that age. That’s absolutely ridiculous if you ask me. What would a grown azz man want with a child? Oh, I know, cause she more likely than not worshipped the ground he walked on. What would a real man want with a baby.
As for baby girl… I cannot imagine my mom being killed. To me, happenstances such as that can either kick you back and make your journey through this thing very difficult or it can catapult you to coming closer to an understanding of this thing called lifeAND how people should treat it.
Professor
July 13th, 2009
9:55 am
Do you ever worry about bringing the wrong person into your life?
I do, in fact I had a great-aunt (she was killed before I was born) that died at the hands of a boyfriend. So I do think about getting involved with the wrong person. This was further exacerbated when I had a stalker at a previous job. The thing is I never knew the stalker or talked to him he just started bothering me through letters and stuff. I know crazy people are out there roaming I just don’t want them roaming around my house or roaming in my life pretending to be normal.
Off topic: Maxwell owe me $12.83 this CD is so wack!
SexyCool - What's in my pocket, dawg? Big Face Hundreds.
July 13th, 2009
9:57 am
Have you ever met someone who misrepresented themselves completely?
Long story, short – Met a guy that told me he was Puerto Rican, a doctor, never been married and had no kids. Six weeks later, I find out that he is Black, an ex-con registered sex offender, divorced and has a child support case pending. (No further details will be forthcoming on today’s blog.)
Lesson: Ask for I.D. Google can be your friend.
Three Words Daily – Get Plenty Money.
Professor
July 13th, 2009
9:57 am
Hey Page! I guess I was second guessing myself b/c one of my friends always tell me otherwise.
AmazonRed™ - show stoppin'
July 13th, 2009
9:58 am
Off topic: Maxwell owe me $12.83 this CD is so wack!
One of my friend said: “I waited 8 years for 9 songs.”
i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)
July 13th, 2009
9:58 am
People will show you who they really are, given enough time. You just have to pay attention & actually take your time.
As for the McNair situation… Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s horrible what happened, but realistically, I don’t feel sad for either of them. I feel sad for their families, but both of them were stupid & selfish, and while they certainly didn’t deserve to die, they did both bring this upon themselves. He for being a grown married man & father yet still screwing around w/ a 20-year old (who, by definition are unstable), and she for being too stupid to realize what she really was to him. Honestly, how any woman can buy into the whole “he’s gonna leave his wife & kids because he LOVES me” crap is just beyond me.
mqew
July 13th, 2009
9:59 am
Ared/Prof To me, her signature on the “2nd best” dotted line should be null and void cause she hadn’t lived long enough to know exactly what that really meant.
Mike Jones (who)
July 13th, 2009
10:02 am
@AmazonRED and Professor
I totally disagree. This “young” girl put herself in a bad position falling for a celebrity who is married, and then thinking there was potential for the relationship while not relizing she was a JumpOff.
I reserve the right to change my mind if Sanaa Lathan or Gabrielle Union calls me up.
Professor
July 13th, 2009
10:02 am
Girl…yes 8 years for 8 wack azz songs at that…Pretty Wings is the only song on there. In fact, some of the music sounds ok, but he does not sound good singing over the track.
So I guess you can say I got bamboozled by Maxwell, unless one of my blog friends would like to buy it from me…lol
mqew
July 13th, 2009
10:03 am
okay wth happened to my previous post?
Mike Jones (who)
July 13th, 2009
10:06 am
SexyCool–I see it pays to do research! Thought he was a Bentley found out he was a Buick with bad brakes! lol
Page1908
July 13th, 2009
10:06 am
Hey Professor! Yeah, if you have to second guess yourself and play Sherlock Holmes, then, to me, why even bother. BTW, I need some ideas for my 80’s party. I’m trying to think of outfits, but there are soooo many I have in mind. I kinda wanna dress like Salt n Pepa in the Push It video. I can be Pepa, but I’m thinking it won’t work, unless there is a Salt. lol. Then, the other dilemma is that I don’t know if i wanna do 80s caucasian style or 80s black style lol. There is a difference, you know lol.
Page1908
July 13th, 2009
10:09 am
Professor- He sounded pretty ok at the BET awards, which was quite surprising. That show was very hard to watch, but since my parents were here this weekend, my dad happen to catch the re-run of it and started watching it. When I saw Soulja Boy perform, I couldn’t take it anymore lol.
AmazonRed™ - show stoppin'
July 13th, 2009
10:09 am
I totally disagree
Mike Jones – You totally disagree with what?
M.
July 13th, 2009
10:09 am
Do you ever worry about bringing the wrong person in to your life?
Great topic WD. I definately worry about bringing the wrong person into my anything. Saturday watching the clips from the Steve McNair funeral was horrific. Yes he cheated, He was in the NFL. Not saying all of them cheat. I just felt bad because I am sure the RED FLAGS were there. I just hoped everyone learned from this and has opened their eyes that craziness in dating is not just gender based (all men are crazy or all women are crazy).
It can go both ways, and WD, a single guy in the city can never be to safe…LOL
Question for the Blog: Ladies what are RED FLAGS to you from a guy?
Guys what are RED FLAGS to you from a girl?
Another question for you facebookers, what if you were dating someone and they knew of an ex from the past who was on facebook. How would you feel if they add them as a friend on facebook? They were never friends before and are these grounds for dismissal?
Sorry for the long comment but this is a knowledgable bunch of bloogers!
SexyCool - What's in my pocket, dawg? Big Face Hundreds.
July 13th, 2009
10:10 am
Mike – Actually, it was not about ‘research’. Once I found out that he’d lied about his last name. I simply entered his real name in the Google search engine and everything was right there.
Mike Jones (who)
July 13th, 2009
10:10 am
AmazonRed–My B.
I mean, if you’re gonna willingly sign up for 2nd best (if that) at least get paid for it!
mqew
July 13th, 2009
10:11 am
In essence.
R.I.P. to these two individuals whom obviously had issues. McNair messing with a 20 year old, smdh. What grown man would want a 20yr. Oh, I know one who wants someone to worship the ground they walk on yapping at their feet. To me that screams LOSER. Sorry.
And baby girl… I can’t imagine my mom being killed. Happenstances such as that either catapults (sp?) a person to a greater understanding of where you’re not even trying to play with this thing called life OR kicks your but so hard that you go through it with no purpose. Needless to say, living life without a purpose is not going to work!
THE INFAMOUS DK
July 13th, 2009
10:12 am
Let ya’ll teel us men are slow and ya’ll can get over on at will. So with that being said.. Can we really know ya’ll? I’m feeling kinda devilish this morning..
AmazonRed™ - show stoppin'
July 13th, 2009
10:12 am
Mike Jones – Why do you disagree? You should at least up your lifestyle in exchange. He took her on trips…none were out of the United States! She was getting gypped.
Mike Jones (who)
July 13th, 2009
10:13 am
@SexyCool I feel you, its good to be resourceful!
Demi
July 13th, 2009
10:15 am
(why are you dating someone if you’re afraid to let them know where you work and/or live? That makes no sense to me.)
abc…dudes are crazy!!! Fugg…THAT!!! I tell all my home girls to keep all info short and brief. A real man will respect that…you’ll get all the info you need in due time
Page1908
July 13th, 2009
10:16 am
Hey M! Ok, break down the facebook question again for me, please? I don’t wanna get confused before I answer LOL.
Ballwood
July 13th, 2009
10:17 am
Why can’t women see why a man would want a 20 yr old woman but they seem to understand with great clarity Cougars???
Oh and why are some of feeling sorry for a chick that knew she was dating a married man?
“After you do the general check for “the crazy”, what other things do you observe about the person you are seeing?” –
1. Mouth swab
2. pee in the cup
3. Prostate exam
4. Body odor after workout
5. Check for ish stain in her panties
6. Look on the other side of her mattress
7. How many times does she say ill-regardless
THE INFAMOUS DK
July 13th, 2009
10:17 am
This is what happened.. She got her back beat out like she had never had it beat out before.. She got busted in that DUI thing.. Steve starts to realize this is Micheal Jackson Bad and wanted to break it off. She couldnt live without Russell the love muscle and decided to take it with her.. To H E Double Hockey Sticks.
Mike Jones (who)
July 13th, 2009
10:17 am
@AmazonRed I guess thats the differnce between a young girl and Woman with more dating experience.
In my eyes thats where so many females go wrong they get wrapped up in a lifestyle rather than the person. (Not saying you just speaking in general) They end up getting taken advantage of…
Demi
July 13th, 2009
10:19 am
(Off topic: Maxwell owe me $12.83 this CD is so wack!)
WTF!?…Folks are still buying whole album??
news to me
M.
July 13th, 2009
10:19 am
@Page1908.
Let’s say you are dating Joe. You guys are talking and one of your ex’s name’s comes up Brian. Joe looks Brian up on facebook. Add’s him as a friend. They never knew each other, met, or anything. If Joe had questions, shouldn’t he ask you rather than adding your ex bf to his friend list? Who know’s what they talk about.