Broke, Cheap, or Not Into You?
I have heard many single women say that they are becoming more flexible when it comes to dating men in a recession. Although, they are more lenient about a lot of things some are beginning to think it may backfire. One of my friends said that she did not want to look up later and discover she is with Mr. Cheap. We are all buckling down and trimming the fat out of our budget, especially if we have solid financial goals.
How do you distinguish between who is being fiscally responsible and who is outright cheap? There are a lot of ways to date and mingle without spending loads of money, we’ve gone over that a lot. I wonder though, is being cheap grounds for dumping?
I had a guy ask me out to a movie, then later called and said that he could not afford to pay for both of us. He said that he still wanted to go, so I agreed to meet him there and pay for myself. I honestly thought it was one of those “how spoiled is she” tests that men toss at me. I didn’t behave like a diva (shocking, right?) and I went and enjoyed the movie. I noticed that he not only bought his ticket, but purchased food from the concession stand, and paid for a meal later. Not offering me anything. Interesting.
If a guy can’t pay for a lady, wouldn’t it be better to find something they can both do? For the money he spent, we could have split some ice cream and gone for a walk. I did not dump the guy but I admit that I’m on high alert. Am I dating Mr. Cheap, Mr. Selfish, or someone clueless about how to treat a lady?
Ladies, if a man does not pay for you, would you put them in the friend category? Have you ever been in a situation when a guy could not cover the expenses from your date? Did he tell you before or during the date?
Guys, when a man is not able to finance a date, do you let women know upfront? Do you put any effort in finding alternative ways to spend time with her so that you don’t spend a lot of money?
What does it mean when a guy pays for himself but does not offer to treat the woman? Is he broke, cheap, or not really interested?
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582 comments Add your comment
Dan
July 9th, 2009
8:29 am
Okay, let’s see if we can finally get to the differetiation of the “independent woman” with her “traditional values” and see where and how that line is drawn.
Good one, WD.
Good Morning all.
Professor
July 9th, 2009
8:42 am
Good Morning,
This is an interesting topic. I do not focus so much on how much a guy can pay for a date, but more on how creative he is. WD, I agree he could suggest ice cream and a walk in the park, which probably would have been refreshing. One of the guys I dated in college always found creative inexpensive things for us to do, but he would save his coins and we would go out on a more expensive date from time to time (I thought that was sweet and still do).
So, I will sit back on this one. One thing I do know making an effort goes a long ways, and I don’t think it has anything to do with not having, but has everything to do with not trying.
Mike Jones (who)
July 9th, 2009
8:46 am
I had a date tell me that she was old fashioned and that a man should pay when he takes her out. I said to myself ok…Well if you are old fashioned does that mean you are going to clean my house and wash my clothes also…I’m just saying if you are going to be “old fashioned” don’t just do it when its convenient or when the bill comes! lol
Rell
July 9th, 2009
8:47 am
@diva….its really not that complicated…his game is….let me see how fast i can get in your pants without spending money…the whole i cant pay is he did not think you were worthy of that type of treatment…sad, yep…but the truth yes….trust me men are not that deep….
the movie date is lame…you spend about 50 dollars for two people…a cheaper date is fellini’s….who does not like pizza, patio, and some convo…or mexican food….movies are more than both…go figure
Grace
July 9th, 2009
8:48 am
Good morning,
WOW! WISE I think you’re dating Mr Selfish.
Have you ever been in a situation when a guy could not cover the expenses from your date? Never. I have been out to lunch with a guy who paid with a bunch of pennies, dimes and quaters though LOL.
I usually don’t go out on a date if my own funds are low and when I order I order as if I’m paying for my own food.
Professor
July 9th, 2009
8:50 am
Dan I think the independent woman with the traditional values are the best of both worlds.
W8 I have you in my thoughts and Prayers on this difficult day.
Mike Jones (who)
July 9th, 2009
8:51 am
@Rell…Its not always a Man’s intention to get in your pants! Is it on our minds YES but is that our only Goal No. Thats like saying women are only interested in whats in your bank account. True in some cases but not all.
Rell - watch your benchs
July 9th, 2009
8:53 am
Okay, let’s see if we can finally get to the differetiation of the “independent woman” with her “traditional values” and see where and how that line is drawn.
- man you know that is out here….women love to run that BS to you how they are independent…but traditional…my mother was traditional…she would invite me over to cook…i remember because she would say you going to grandmothers and she has plenty of food over there…this is for me and such and such….run that today…or if you so independent and new age…you take me out….run that today on one of these “divas” and see what you get….lol….funny to me
on a much sadder note – mcnair was sleep when that chick shot him
Rell - watch your benchs
July 9th, 2009
8:55 am
@mike…i know that, but re-read what diva typed and you tell me
ImAPeach404
July 9th, 2009
8:58 am
I have a number of different opinions because there are a number of different scenarios here but… for the most part I believe that if you (male or female) cannot afford to date you should not be out trying to meet people to date. OR… find free activities in the city. They are plentiful but most people do not want to take the time to figure out what they are.
In addition, if a guy asks a woman out and then lets her decide what they’re going to do – he possibly puts himself in bad position. BUT, if he says “hey baby, I’d really like to see you this week; how about we go to grab some ice cream and then see XYZ at Screen on the Green this Thursday”. When they get to the ice cream spot, he can fake like they don’t have his all time favorite flavor, pass on his scoop and just pay for hers – she’d be none the wiser.
It is SO easy to get labeled as a gold digger these days – I’m tired of “talking” on eggshells on dates trying not to give the impression that you’re after his money. But thats a whole other topic…
AmazonRed™
July 9th, 2009
9:06 am
Morning all –
Cheap is the guy that tries to sell you the line that he doesn’t believe in the term “dating”
Cheap is the guy who offers to pay, then gyps the server on the tip.
Cheap is the guy that pays for you at Applebee’s then tells you “you got the next one.”
Cheap is the guy that always complains about the cost of things, but never suggests low-cost or free stuff to do.
Mike Jones (who)
July 9th, 2009
9:08 am
@Rell…He was obviously a lame dude to tell her he can’t pay for her and then order a bunch of food. He couldn’t have expected too much after that date.
ImAPeach404
July 9th, 2009
9:08 am
Its not always a Man’s intention to get in your pants! Is it on our minds YES but is that our only Goal No.
Mike im going to have to disagree. I would say 99% of the time during conversation with a guy who is showing interest in you – whether you’ve just met them in the club, during a phone conversation, or when the date is coming to an end – some kind of way sex is covertly worked into the conversation. And if you think im exaggerating, maybe I am, but I’d venture to say that 97% is accurate
Professor
July 9th, 2009
9:14 am
Peach404 you said it right at 99%. BTW I find it annoying as hell b/c you just met me and I do not give that kind of vibe off at all.
ImAPeach404
July 9th, 2009
9:17 am
Word @ Professor
Not to take it there (but to take it there) I almost prefer when we do something hella cheap or free because then when you make the move for the a$$, men tend to take NO a little better. Men who spend a lot of money on a date can get REAL stank when they find out they aren’t getting any…
Mike Jones (who)
July 9th, 2009
9:18 am
@PEACH 97%, thats a bit much I think! If you have been grinding on a dude for 20 minutes in the club then his convo is not going to be about World History! lol We are more likely to bring up the subject of sex but it is on a woman’s mind just as much. If we think about it 97% women think about it 96%, yall just don’t let us know it is! If I’m wrong please correct me, but I think I’m pretty close.
AmazonRed™
July 9th, 2009
9:18 am
WiseDiva’s movie story brought up another one.
Cheap is the guy who chats you up all night all while continuously ordering drinks for himself, but doesn’t at least offer to buy you one.
AmazonRed™
July 9th, 2009
9:23 am
Ladies, if a man does not pay for you, would you put them in the friend category?
Only if he didn’t tell me such a thing up front. I know “dating” is loosely defined now, but if you want a woman to take you seriously, men should just accept the fact that a man is still supposed to pay on a first date.
Have you ever been in a situation when a guy could not cover the expenses from your date?
No. But I had a guy tell me upfront after the first couple of dates that he was in a rough spot financially. He let me know he liked me and wanted to continue seeing me, but he was carrying two mortages as his house out of state continued to sit on the market. I understood that completely and respected him for being honest with me.
Professor
July 9th, 2009
9:24 am
Peach we are on the same page today…I find it crazy when a grown man gets upset about sex…and those that spend a lot on a date and get stank that is another convo.
Professor
July 9th, 2009
9:25 am
ARed, I put a check mark on each of those listed on your 9:06.
Well gang I will try to check in later I am headed off…
AmazonRed™
July 9th, 2009
9:26 am
I have been out to lunch with a guy who paid with a bunch of pennies, dimes and quaters though LOL.
AmazonRed™
July 9th, 2009
9:32 am
for the most part I believe that if you (male or female) cannot afford to date you should not be out trying to meet people to date. OR… find free activities in the city.
Amen. I understand that guys are trying to make women “prove” themselves, but the fact of the matter is, dating costs money, relationships costs money. If you are trying to get somewhere with someone, money will eventually come into play as you will need to start “providing” at some point. Accept that fact and life gets a lot easier, and the “games” fewer.
Leggs
July 9th, 2009
9:36 am
Good morning everyone!
First, WD he called you and asked you out to the movies. To call back and say he doesn’t have enuf for the both of you is beyond tacky, in my book. Yes, it could have been a test and you rose to the occasion. But, to go to concession stand and get a meal later and not offer you anything is pure d selfishness. It’s time to get back to being creative when dating.
Rell - watch your benchs
July 9th, 2009
9:37 am
supposed to pay on a first date.
…..i wonder what women are SUPPOSE to do??????
Grace
July 9th, 2009
9:38 am
It is SO easy to get labeled as a gold digger these days – I’m tired of “talking” on eggshells on dates trying not to give the impression that you’re after his money -IMAPEACH the men I’ve dated always put their wallets and bank account out in the forefront. Letting me know how much they make. One even showed me his w-2 form as proof. Then turn right around and say I’m with him for his money.
Pretty Wings
July 9th, 2009
9:38 am
Good Morning all!!! My workout this morning was really good!!!! All those edorphins have really got me going!!!
@ Grace – I don’t go out without funds either, but really depends, if a man has taken me out and paid for meals, movies etc, I really don’t mind returning the favor or If I am aware of his financial situation and I still choose to go out then that’s not being cheap. I don’t care who you are, if you ask me out then you are in essence agreeing to pay. If we mutally agree, thats dutch and if you never have money and don’t let me know up front……..not only is that cheap,but deceptive.
Character counts as much as money!!
ImAPeach404
July 9th, 2009
9:41 am
Mike straight up… that number is accurate. I do everything in my power not to talk about sex, give off a vibe like sex is even a possibility, I don’t dress with all my business hanging out and I never turn around and back that thang up – I dance face to face only. I don’t even like to lick my lips! But somehow, someway…
I wish I was lying, but I’m not. True story.
Red a lot of brothers wouldn’t even let you know their situation due to pride. As you, I would have totally respected and understood his position. When someone is honest with you like that, you’re 100% more willing to work with them. Two thumbs up for that brotha.
As far as dude who paid with all the change, I probably would have laughed because thats what I did when I read the post. It wouldn’t have bothered or embarrassed me at all. I also think guys should use coupons more often! Lol. Those $25 Entertainment books that come out around the end of each year can really come in handy
AmazonRed™
July 9th, 2009
9:44 am
He was obviously a lame dude to tell her he can’t pay for her and then order a bunch of food. He couldn’t have expected too much after that date.
Mike Jones – You said it.
You men know that azz is never guaranteed, but your actions and behaviors will determine if you’d get it or not.
Rell - watch your benchs
July 9th, 2009
9:45 am
creative when dating.
- to do that leggs meaning you would have to be inspired…the problem is folks need to choose better and stop settling for a warm body….you know ” have something to do”….thats the problem…you can tell a man that as really meet the women he wants and you can tell by a man action he just with a time filler or somewhere to get the dizzle wet….sad but true…thats why there is no creativity or things are so bland…folks are just playing a numbers game…no one really knows what they want anymore
abc
July 9th, 2009
9:45 am
There is such a thing as not being able to afford a woman. A man who cannot afford a woman shouldn’t put himself out there as if he can. A woman should recognize a man that can’t afford her and leave him be.
A man that can’t afford a movie is not a candidate, WD.
Cemeeli
July 9th, 2009
9:46 am
Good Morning.
I didn’t behave like a diva (shocking, right?) and I went and enjoyed the movie. I noticed that he not only bought his ticket, but purchased food from the concession stand, and paid for a meal later. Not offering me anything. Interesting.
Date yourself. Do your thang, cause he doing his. Don’t fret. I would have enjoyed his company (if company is good) and did my thang.
But question Wise….Is this the Cougar hunting young man that you meet at the Movie?
ImAPeach404
July 9th, 2009
9:47 am
@LEGGS – I agree with creativity in dating. Movies and dinner is so easy… think of something different and interesting.
@RELL – why don’t you answer you own question because I’m really curious of your POV… what do you feel like a woman is SUPPOSE to do?
@GRACE – OK!!! Lol… his W2? Come the eff on!
AmazonRed™
July 9th, 2009
9:47 am
Red a lot of brothers wouldn’t even let you know their situation due to pride. As you, I would have totally respected and understood his position. When someone is honest with you like that, you’re 100% more willing to work with them. Two thumbs up for that brotha.
Peach – Yes, his stock definitely rose with that one. Then on the next date he listed his “demand” including me never having a drink again, and I had to let that one go.
We still hang from time to time tho.
AmazonRed™
July 9th, 2009
9:50 am
Grace – His W-2?!? I had a friend that had that pulled on her. Turns out he was a con-artist. The W-2, or the name on it, wasn’t his.
The worst I’ve had is the guy who happens to leave his luxury car keys sitting out in front of you while he talks you up. Or the one who always talks about his material possessions, then says he’s looking for a “real” woman.
Pretty Wings
July 9th, 2009
9:52 am
I have a real healthy respect for men who are creative daters,if they have a lot of money or a little money. Truth is if you have no money, you really should not be dating but working on getting your resume up.
ImAPeach404
July 9th, 2009
9:54 am
It’s always something Red lol. Oh well…
HA! They love to pull those keys out. I forgot about that one!!!
AmazonRed™
July 9th, 2009
9:54 am
There is such a thing as not being able to afford a woman. A man who cannot afford a woman shouldn’t put himself out there as if he can. A woman should recognize a man that can’t afford her and leave him be.
A man that can’t afford a movie is not a candidate, WD.
Message…
Leggs
July 9th, 2009
9:54 am
Weren’t you “inspired” when you asked for the date?
kinderbabe
July 9th, 2009
9:56 am
@abc i have to agree w/you there. this goes back into yesterday’s blog convo about being prepared to receive a man/woman. not being able to pay for a movie (men)or fill whatever traditional role is desired in a relationship (women and men) means their not ready.
i think it goes both ways for men and women. if cleaning, washing clothes and cooking is a foreign concept for women and regarded as something that won’t be done…is it reasonable to expect men to fulfill traditional roles such as paying for dates? the scales have to be balanced.
@WD that guy sounds like a loser and extremely selfish. there’s someone better out there.:)
Mike Jones (who)
July 9th, 2009
9:56 am
Peach–Well maybe there is just something wonderful about you that makes guys think of sex! (Meant as a compliment!)… You should worry when guys aren’t sexually attracted to you.
Rell - watch your benchs
July 9th, 2009
9:58 am
@leggs..i dont suffer from that problem….hell i had a date last for grant park screen on the green..but the weather killed that….so instead we worked out..walked the mountain..talked..then went and got custard from rita afterward….problem solved
Mike Jones (who)
July 9th, 2009
10:03 am
Did I mention I drive a 2010 Lexus, with 22’s! LMAO
AmazonRed™
July 9th, 2009
10:04 am
Did I mention I drive a 2010 Lexus, with 22’s! LMAO
Just curious though, do guys think rims really do impress women? I guess it’s because I’m not into cars, but rims have never been a selling factor for me.
Cemeeli
July 9th, 2009
10:06 am
@ Kinderteach I’m in disbelief that a solid dude would do such patronizing behavior.
When I was a child….I spoke like a child….I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child….
Just silly.
Grace
July 9th, 2009
10:08 am
AMRED you shoudda seen the waitress, she had this what the…..look on her face
I was too embarrassed 
Cemeeli
July 9th, 2009
10:08 am
lol @ a text asking me not to preach today…
Dan
July 9th, 2009
10:08 am
Let’s look at the “he’s not that into you” option for a moment.
A man that is sincerely interested in a woman will put his best foot forward (even in these difficult financial times), he will exert the energy to figure out something, within his budgetary constraints, to do with a woman that he likes.
In the converse, if the vibe, or his interest, isn’t there, he’s going to do the bare bones minimum on that date because….why not?
AmazonRed™
July 9th, 2009
10:08 am
Mike Jones (who)
July 9th, 2009
10:09 am
“SOME” women go nuts over cars! I’ll never forget seeing a girl damn near get hit by a car to run across the to talk me and some friends because we were in a SUV with rims! She took her shoes off and ran like she was in the Peachtree Road Race lol
AmazonRed™
July 9th, 2009
10:10 am
A man that is sincerely interested in a woman will put his best foot forward (even in these difficult financial times), he will exert the energy to figure out something, within his budgetary constraints, to do with a woman that he likes.
Exactly.
Or he could just be cheap and lazy. Some folks have a bar set pretty low. Just depends on your exposure level.