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Archive for June, 2009

All My Energy

Have you ever heard the song by recording artist, Keri Hilson called Energy? She sings of a relationship that is all-consuming and requires a great deal of her energy. That is what I thought of as I read Raqi’s guest post. Don’t ask me how the woman managed to write anything for us with a newborn baby. It further proves my theory that women are superheroes! Check out what she has to say and weigh in!

Are you in a space war with your mate? We are all human and we all have our personal needs, issues and desires. But do your needs, issues and desires monopolize the intimate space within your relationship? By intimate I am talking about that interpersonal time that a couple shares.

Have you ever been invited to share a chair with someone and they took up most of the space? Not because of their size but merely because they didn’t take the time to realize they weren’t leaving enough space to accommodate your needs. In many of these instances due to lack of space we are forced to …

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Crazy Blind Date

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to be open-minded, adventurous, and a little crazy! What do you think about being a little spontaneous and going on a blind date with a total stranger? There is an online dating service that offers a “Crazy Blind Date” meet up. You enter your information about who you won’t run from are willing to meet. You are then contacted for a last minute, totally blind date in a public place. If you are a little nervous, you can select for a group outing.

Have you ever been set up on a blind date before? Did it turn out to be successful?

I haven’t been set up on a blind date since last year. After one bad experience, I threatened my friends with bodily harm if they attempted to make me “go blind” again. If there is a guy they think I might like, I tell them to just throw a dinner party and have us both over, with other people. That way, there is little pressure and you can walk away unscathed, for the most part.

Do you think single people …

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The New Fairy Tale?

I was baby sitting my friend’s adorable kid Myles recently when I noticed his collection of books. Perhaps it’s because he a boy, but I noticed the stories for children’s books these days are more gender neutral. I believe the classics are just that, the classics, but I don’t think people are giving their children fairy tales about prince and princesses anymore. Did you grow up reading fairy tales? Were there princes and princesses living happily ever after?  Did it distort your view about love and romance?

From my own experiences in dating, some men want and seek “trophy” women and wives, but they don’t want princesses. So what’s the new fairy tale? Are men looking for the partner or the princess? Are women stuck between both worlds where we want to be tough enough to handle it all but still made to feel protected?

Do you think we still need fairy tales? I think a lot of us claim that we don’t believe in them but the way we disregard potential mates for silly reasons seem to …

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Getting Her (Terrified) Attention

Violence against women, sadly, is nothing new in society, but it still is so unnerving to hear the reports. I always think, that could have been me. In the last few weeks, I have seen some disturbing news about women being attacked after turning a man down.

In the first attack, a woman was shot by a man while driving in her car, reportedly after she rolled her window up to avoid speaking to him. Then there was the story of a woman’s actual neighbor attacking her in her own home when she rejected his advances.

I have a lot of theories about the increasing numbers of attacks on women who reject men. I think there are contributing factors that stem from male and female dynamics, misogyny that infiltrates in different mediums, and mental illness that goes unchecked. What are your thoughts?

Guys, when you were being raised, what were you taught about handling rejection from women? How did you cope with it in your younger years, compared to now? Have you ever experienced problems …

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He’s My Project

I was listening to Q100 recently when I heard a promo from The Bert Show. They were discussing people who were given warnings not to date/marry their mate. One young lady said that her then fiancee’s mother told her not to marry her son because he was “crazy.” Not like Borat crazy, but asylum crazy. She said that she married him anyway and her husband turned out to actually have some mental health issues. It was the final line that caught my attention: “Some people are given assignments in life, and he is my mine. He’s my project.”  Now, I could not figure out if this was the most noble thing I have heard or the saddest. Perhaps a little of both?

One of the best dating tips my father gave me was to never try to change a man. If you don’t love the “crust” of a man, you don’t need to marry him.  You know the crust of a man is like bread crust. That tough outer layer that is good for you, but you may try to pick apart or cut off.  It’s not about what you want him to be, what …

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What do you do?

One of my guy friends said that he was growing tired of women asking him what he did for a living. He has a great job, exciting even, but he thinks that women stereotype men in his profession. I think a lot of single people inquire about what a person does for a living for a lot of good reasons. It doesn’t necessarily mean the person is asking to gauge wealth or lack of it.

Sometimes a person’s job/career actually makes them sexy and raises their stock on the singles market. It could be because there is some type of uniform involved. You know what they say about uniforms, right? Or maybe it’s the fact that their job is heroic or noble that makes it sexy.

In your opinion, what is the sexiest job or profession? How often do you get asked the “what do you do” question when you are mingling on the dating scene? Do you give vague answers if you get a weird vibe from someone?

Have you ever purposely misled someone to think you had a different job/career before? What were your …

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Elevate Your Status

Single men in Atlanta seem to have a lot of options. When they put in time, energy and money in pursuing a woman, they take a risk. It’s our job as ladies to reciprocate when the men are giving us quality attention. The the longer we take to do this the more likely the guy will think you are playing games.

Unfortunately some women tend to string guys along until another man steps up or until they think the man is into her enough. I think there is usually a good reason for a woman who is not actively trying to elevate her status in a man’s life. She  may be unsure about him, not interested, or possibly deciding between two options.

Ladies, how do you elevate your status in a man’s life? Is it up to you or the guy to do this? Do you think reciprocating his gestures is important in dating?

Guys, when do you notice reciprocity (or lack of it) in the women that you date? Do you think it’s up to you or the woman you are dating to elevate their status from acquaintance to someone …

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You Bring ME Joy

If I were to write a single woman’s manifesto, I would declare that every moment of joy, pleasure, and sheer happiness should be savored. One of the (many) things I admire about men is that they are able to enjoy things without feeling guilty.

If it makes them feel good or brings them pleasure, there is little anyone can do to make them feel bad about it. Perhaps it’s part of that double standard of society that exists for men and women, but men seem to get to indulge more. They are hard-wired to have no anxiety or guilt about their indulgences.

Now, I am not complaining here. I love being a woman! I just think women can and should find more things that brings them joy, and make no apologies for it. Do you think that men get to indulge more than women? Why do you think women feel so much guilt about indulging themselves ?

What brings you joy in your life? What are you “guilty pleasures”? You know the random, quirky things on your life that make you immensely happy? It should …

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Pack your bags, It’s Summer

Summer is officially HERE! It’s a great time to be single (ok, I say that every season, I know!) but it is especially true for summer. I love feeling fancy free and mingling in the summer, especially on trips. I am excited about this summer because I have a couple of fun trips planned. I am going to Savannah for work (with a little play), New Orleans for Essence Music Festival, and Orlando for beach/theme park fun with the family. I am also trying to figure out a way to squeeze a California trip in again.

What are your plans for summer road trips? What is your best summer road trip memory?

When do you feel comfortable taking trips with someone you are dating? I have made the mistake of taking a trip with someone I was “casually” dating. What a misadventure that was! Do you think taking a trip together is a good idea if you aren’t exclusive? How do you handle all that time together?

If you could make a travel guide for traveling with your new SO, what advice, tips, or ideas do …

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Coming Clean

If I am in a dating relationship with a guy, I don’t usually push him to close things off with other women. It just doesn’t work (oh yes, I have tried it!) and often times it backfires. Things go a lot smoother when the guy decides on his own that he wants to shut down his rotation or discontinue his booty procurement single guy behavior.

It usually doesn’t really take long when things are right between two people. You get to that point where you are spending all your time together and there is no room or desire for “the others.” I call “the others” any individual that can be called upon at any moment for rendezvous.

However, sometimes one (or both) of you, for whatever reason, backslides or slips up. Perhaps an ex whose statue of limitations seems to be infinity resurfaces; or maybe a bachelor/bachelorette party got too crazy. What do you do when you have done something with someone else? Do you come clean and fess up?

Has this ever happened to you? Were you the confessor or …

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