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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Not new to this

Single people can be a creative bunch. We come up with the most unique excuses reasons not to date someone. I’m talking about the “relationship resume” that some people prefer to be long, detailed, and has proof of commitment. You say you are a good candidate? We’re going to need references!

While some prefer not to date a previously married person, others would just like someone who is not new to the relationship thing. I can admit that dating someone with no real relationship experience can be challenging.

You may have to become a virtual relationship guide and exercise a little more patience. It’s not necessarily impossible to do but I am pretty sure the inexperienced person would have to put up with something too. That’s why it’s called a relationship.

Do you think those post high school and college relationships really make a big difference in our relationship resume? What do you think is important in a person’s dating history?

What was the relationship from your past that you think helped make you a better person?

Which one do you think actually created some emotional baggage for you?

Would it bother you if you were dating someone who has never had a long-term relationship before?

I want to remind you that the Misadventures in Atlanta blog will be closed on Friday.

Happy Monday!

451 comments Add your comment

Dan

June 29th, 2009
8:17 am

Good morning,

Of course there is emotional baggage from the “first heartbreak”, that’s understandable and natural.

It’s the process of getting over it that is the key. Some people can and some are forever scarred.

As for me, I listen for clues that she hasn’t gotten over a LTR. And the fact that she may not have had one doesn’t really bother me either.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

June 29th, 2009
8:25 am

Good Morning WD

At first I thought this does not apply to my dating group (40+) and then realized that actually I do read a lot into a lady’s “status”.

If the lady has never been married, that raises a red flag for me, i.e., has she been “high maintenance”, is she a “biotch” and every man that has been involved with ran. Does she have children without a father in their life? Why?

If the lady has been married multiple times, that raises a red flag. Does she throw in the towel when the “rains come”? Do the men leave her as soon as they find out what she is like on a daily basis? Does she make remarkably poor choices of men? What is she really looking for? Why?

Does she NOT have children? Is this choice or chance? Does this mean she cannot accept mine and will want me to detach from my own? Why?

Is she divorced or widowed? Ex husbands have a nasty habit of ccoming back into a woman’s life sometimes and screwing things up. I haven’t had much of a problem with dead ex-husbands. What is the story and is she really over the man that hurt her so much?

My point is that I guess I do note the status as much as I would like to pretend I don’t…and yes it does color my initial perception.

Professor

June 29th, 2009
8:41 am

Happy Monday!

What is important in a person’s dating history?

Ok, long story short it is difficult to gauge a person’s dating history because you can only go on the story that person tells you (unless you are dating the boy next door). Usually I listen and mentally notate red flags and conflicting information. I was talking to a friend this weekend and we were talking about how when people lie in dating/relationships and not realize that they are and when do you call them out on it. So for me it is not the his-tory, but what a person says and how truthful that is.

Which one do you think actually created some emotional baggage for you?

I had a very good friend and the friendship developed into a relationship (we have been friends for about 6 or 7 years at the time)…we dated 3 years and the relationship ended because of his infidelity so of course that left some baggage. Both the friendship and relationship ended overnight.

Professor

June 29th, 2009
8:45 am

Do you think those post high school and college relationships really make a big difference in our relationship resume?

Hmmm I love the innocence that’s associated with my high school sweetheart. He still calls me to check on me, and he makes it clear that if I need anything he will be there. So I guess the difference can be positive or negative on a relationship resume. For me it is a positive because as I look back and even the way he treats me now…I know when a man is being sincere with me.

Demi

June 29th, 2009
8:55 am

Note to all…I will only post one song a day this week…

This one is for my blog sister….enjoy bey!!

There’ll be no darkness tonight
Lady our love will shine
Just put your trust in my heart
And meet me in paradise
You’re every wonder in this world to me
A treasure time won’t steal away

So listen to my heart
Lay your body next to mine
Let me fill you with my dreams
I can make you feel so right
And baby through the years
Gonna love you more each day
So I promise you tonight
That you’ll always be the lady in my life

Lay back in my tenderness
Let’s make this a night we won’t forget
Girl, I need your sweet caress
Reach out to a fantasy
Two hearts on the beat of ecstasy
Come to me

And I will keep you warm
Through the shadows of the night
Let me touch you with my love
I can make you feel so right
And baby through the years
Even when we’re old and gray
I will love you more each day
‘Cause you will always be the lady in my life

AmazonRed™

June 29th, 2009
8:55 am

Happy Monday Lovelies. :)

Yup, apperently it’s a bad thing that I’ve never had a relationship for longer than 2 years. I guess it doesn’t matter that it doesn’t take longer than that to recognize when something isn’t working. I guess you don’t get points for choosing to be alone rather than be in a bad relationship.

And because no relationship has taken all of me, I can’t say that there is any real emotional baggage left. Of course they’ve all helped me “fine tune” my radar and there are definitely behaviors I can look out for and avoid. But I’m not in the practice of putting up walls or making other men pay for the last guys sins. All that will do is hold me back from finding a really great relationship.

Kym--is Starstruck.

June 29th, 2009
8:56 am

Good Morning All,

I careless about a person’s past relationship what are you doing in the NOW is way more important.

The only thing(s) that matter to me are is your drama resolved. I don’t want to know what or who caused the drama..I just want to know is it resolved. I don’t want to be in the middle of custody battles, ex-wife/girlfriend stuck on stupid, because anything that you have in your past that has not met some resolution and could potentially come back and put me in the middle..well lets just say there will be some smoke in the city.

Dan

June 29th, 2009
8:57 am

Post high school and college relationships:

High school relationships were (for the most part) innocent, fumbling, but honest. Honest in the stuttering reticence of telling a girl how you felt. Yeah, the high school relationship was….pure.

In college, I looked for “the one”, but among the many. For me it became less about the connection than the relationship. Becoming an “adult” and figuring out what I could, would, and wouldn’t do in/for the relationship, kinda lessened the initial rush of emotions.

Today, for me, it’s more about the process of being with someone. Having had really bad relationships, I’m a bit more cynical about just jumping in solely on emotion.

I think though it has less to do with being in high school or college, but more about where your head (and heart) was regarding relationships in general.

-W8©(thoroughbred...sleep is for the weak)

June 29th, 2009
9:13 am

I have had relationships that have created some positive outlooks and set new standards on how to love and how to be loved. Those relationship have brought the best out in me and going by those standards and what came naturally to me in those relationships let’s me know when I am in a new relationship if I struggle to do those things that came easy previously I know that my needs are not being met. I have to give two of my ex’s props because they have taught me what a Real Woman was made of…to bad I messed them up. Lessons learned when I find that special person who speaks to my heart I will move heaven and earth to keep her. It took me awhile to get over my divorce 7 years ago after being married for 9 years (she was my college sweetheart) and gave me all sorts of trust issues not in a cheating manner but trust issues on other levels, but I am always upfront and honest about that If I decide to pursue someone new. Not holding the past against the new woman… I just do a better screening before I let my heart go full steam ahead.

@Professor- an ex still calling to check on him/her letting them know that they will always be there if you need anything is a recipe for disaster. I think it’s disrespectful on him/her and the ex if one of them is currently in a relationship if they are single that’s a different story. Well thats just my opinion and I am sure others will differ dude shouldn’t be the safety valve he should be the main since he is so willing all the time.

-W8©(thoroughbred...sleep is for the weak)

June 29th, 2009
9:18 am

@Kym- I agree. Everyone has a history..thing is have you handled and are you drama free.

On High School relationships. I dated the same girl through out high school..we broke up when we went to college..I met my now ex wife and after I divorced her I asked my hs sweetheart out on a date…It was horrible…during dinner over the candlelight all I could think about was getting out of there…what I realized after the fact was that she was used to the old me and was acting as how she remembered me last..I had changed so much since high school (87,88,89,90) to then present day(02,03) it was comical.

-W8©(thoroughbred...sleep is for the weak)

June 29th, 2009
9:21 am

**Sidenote**

If you need a job in the accounting field ASAP get at me…a bookeeper is needed also. Accounting position is low to mid $50k/yr I dont know how much the bookeeper position pays. Job is located in Kennesaw

Tazzee - countdown to August 1 when I can watch NFLN again

June 29th, 2009
9:24 am

Morning All!!!

Busy day so I’m so glad Kym said what I wanted to say:

I careless about a person’s past relationship what are you doing in the NOW is way more important.

The only thing(s) that matter to me are is your drama resolved. I don’t want to know what or who caused the drama..I just want to know is it resolved. I don’t want to be in the middle of custody battles, ex-wife/girlfriend stuck on stupid, because anything that you have in your past that has not met some resolution and could potentially come back and put me in the middle..well lets just say there will be some smoke in the city.

Amen to that!!!

Professor

June 29th, 2009
9:34 am

@W8 I don’t find him as a safety valve. He calls whenever…I dated him what seems like a lifetime ago and I am not the same person from back then. If my man has a problem with him calling I would address the issue.

Miss QC

June 29th, 2009
9:43 am

Morning Bloggers….hey Demi :)

Have a great day everyone!

http://www.blackthen.com

abc

June 29th, 2009
10:07 am

The simplest things count the most.

1. Be what you say you are; and say and act as you truly are.
2. Do what you say you are going to do.

A person that has both of those attributes is rare enough.

Leggs (Karyn)

June 29th, 2009
10:08 am

Good morning everyone!

JtJ

June 29th, 2009
10:16 am

HI GUYS!!!! (I had to sneak and post today!!!!!)

I believe my past marriage taught me a lot and to this day my motto is “Go Forward”. Take everything you learn and apply it daily to your life. Emotional baggage, feelings, emotions, are all elements of a relationship that we can expect, but it is how handle it all that matters.

I GOT ENGAGED ON STAGE AT THE KINDRED CONCERT THIS SATURDAY!!!!! I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!! I AM SHOUTING IT FROM THE ROOFTOP!!!

Okay…….gotta go!!!!!!!!

AmazonRed™

June 29th, 2009
10:16 am

JtJ – How neat! Congrats to you and your husband to be!

Mo (aka Moeisha-Nice Pecan Tan)

June 29th, 2009
10:18 am

Morning All!

Professor – whats good chica! How are you?

“What was the relationship from your past that you think helped make you a better person?” – College Sweetheart, he challenged what I thought I knew about myself and took me out of my comfort zone. I felt like I matured and became more open minded with him.

“Which one do you think actually created some emotional baggage for you?” My marriage of course. But I think my baggage isnt nearly as heavy b/c I realize my part in the demise of my marriage.

Will comment more later….off to get that pepsi…..like Garfield, I hate mondays. :smile:

Cemeeli

June 29th, 2009
10:19 am

Hey gang

“Relationship Resume”…

What I do not give stock to, is knowing every detail in you past dating misadventures. To know every component of the ex like, how ya’ll connected while singing nursery rhymes?….where you two went for your first, second and 15th date?….why her dog Tipsy liked when you used the downstairs bathroom next to his feeding bowl?….and why she swings from the balcony after preparing your favorite meal?…That info does not give me/us any benefit towards how WE will be together.

A relationship resume, will not profit me jus ‘cause I KNOW all your history. Just give me that “need to know”…e.i.: Have you checked all emotional cylinders for any drama residue? That includes all schizo, bipolar, and disease stricken encounters with exs.

JtJ

June 29th, 2009
10:20 am

Thanks Ared……Girl I am telling any and everybody…..THAT MAN LOVES ME!!!!!

The video is posted on Youtube…….Jaron & Jackie Proposal Part 1 & 2

Cemeeli

June 29th, 2009
10:23 am

Congratulations JtJ!!!

Awww getting engaged at concerts is so cute!

SexyCool - Taking off my cool, letting you love my sexy.

June 29th, 2009
10:24 am

What I look for individuals to carry from past relationships is not baggage, it’s the lessons.

I believe that everyone that I have dated has come into my life to teach me something. Whether it be to pull from their best qualities to show me what my soul needs in a mate or whether it was to retreat from the worst of who they were so that I could glean the aspects of what I do not want.

Because just as important as knowing what you want in a relationship, knowing what you don’t want is key. So that when you recognize qualities what you don’t want, you can walk away.

Three Words Daily – It’s human nature.

Dan

June 29th, 2009
10:25 am

Congrats JTJ!!!

AmazonRed™

June 29th, 2009
10:26 am

JtJ – I will definitely check it out. I LOVE to hear stuff like this. I’m a romantic at heart.

So now you’ve got to get Kindred back to sing at your wedding!

East Point's Own

June 29th, 2009
10:31 am

How does it affect you if your person of interest is still close friends, or friends at all with one or many of their exes? I am pretty sure this topic has been discussed or it should have by now… but I think it can be just as much a sign of trouble if a person is too close to an ex or if they talk too badly of them. Life is complicated like that sometimes.

http://hispointofview.com

Melo

June 29th, 2009
10:34 am

Ex husbands have a nasty habit of ccoming back into a woman’s life sometimes and screwing things up

euphamism RandyT?? hehehe…. Ex-husbands will screw exes if there is friendly banter going on there,Always!! Believe that!

But ur whole post is on point.Its important to know how she got to this point,what happened in her lyfe and why is she single,this late in the game.
She can tell u what ever she wants.Its up to you to prove/disprove it thru interraction!

Cemeeli

June 29th, 2009
10:37 am

“Honest in the stuttering reticence of telling a girl how you felt.”

Dan Some adult MEN still have a hard time “sharing” on that level. Be it cute and sweet sometimes….Sometimes it is annoyiing.

Welcome Back mytwocents!! Hope you enjoyed your trip sis.

SexyCool - Taking off my cool, letting you love my sexy.

June 29th, 2009
10:37 am

My extreme first high school crush and I still talk a few times a year. It’s funny. It’s been so long since all that went on. You know – twenty years is a long, long, long, long, long time ago. I forget that he is who he was at that time.

Now, he’s just a friend that calls me from time to time. It probably doesn’t help that he’s now 42 years old, has never been married, has no kids, has ALWAYS lived with his parents, and is now rumored to be gay.

Yep – all that definitely blocks all romantic memories and feelings.

Leggs (Karyn)

June 29th, 2009
10:38 am

Congratulations, JtJ. That is too cute!

AmazonRed™

June 29th, 2009
10:40 am

How does it affect you if your person of interest is still close friends, or friends at all with one or many of their exes?

EPO – It really matters not that they are exes, it matters more if the relationship is appropriate or not. If they still hang out frequently, share “inside” jokes, are affectionate and love to talk about “old times” I’m not on board. This goes for friends who aren’t exes as well.

If I deem the relationship in appropriate due to actions (not just because of jealousy or insecurity) then their friendship will have to scale back.

abc

June 29th, 2009
10:40 am

I don’t know, Randy, I dated a couple of widows, and comparisons to a ghost were big problems. The dead guys tend to get their better attributes magnified quite a lot after death, and the quality of the relationship they had tends to get enhanced. What it boiled down to for me was a chick talking about how she knew she knew how to be in a good relationship on account of that, so everything that they didn’t like must be on account of me.

Cemeeli

June 29th, 2009
10:41 am

Melo Late in the game???? …Remember some ppls fosuses are NOT relationships all throughout adulthood.

Professor

June 29th, 2009
10:42 am

@ Hey Mo!

Congrats JtJ

Professor

June 29th, 2009
10:43 am

@Ce/Melo- I agree a lot of folks were focusing on trying to pull themselves together instead of trying to “pull” someone.

Blow Me

June 29th, 2009
10:44 am

Good Morning all!

DID ANYONE SEE THE MINSTREL SHOW LAST NIGHT?

Professor

June 29th, 2009
10:47 am

Off topic:

My sister just sent me a message stating, “All these kids came here talking about the BET awards now they are sleeping on the CRCT retake test.”

AmazonRed™

June 29th, 2009
10:47 am

DID ANYONE SEE THE MINSTREL SHOW LAST NIGHT?

Did I? :lol: I provided live status updates for my friends. Had em rolling.

I haven’t watched 3 straight hours of BET in YEARS. I now know I have not missed a thing.

And now that they are giving Tiny and Toya and Frankie and Neffie their own shows…

BET = The channel where crack heads and baby mamas reign supreme!

Cemeeli

June 29th, 2009
10:47 am

Professor Right.

Me personally i can be a real turtle at “jumping in”…but when i’m in..i’m in.

Professor

June 29th, 2009
10:51 am

Cemeeli…I am with you if I am in I am in all the way, which is scary at times for me. I must say in the beginning I am always a little “chicken” and I will recoil on patterns or red flags….

Professor

June 29th, 2009
10:52 am

As for the show 3 hours were a lot for me (I do not watch much TV as it is), so I went to sleep on the show.

kinderbabe

June 29th, 2009
10:52 am

@Professor
That was kinda silly planning on the administator’s part. standardized testing should never start on a monday. everybody knows the kids will be dog tired and there’s no time for review. tuesday is a good day to start. APS is retesting beginning next tuesday for 3rd and 5th.

Dan

June 29th, 2009
10:53 am

@Cee

Take it for what it is. If I could lie about my feelings without blinking, telling the truth is indeed much harder to do.

Disclaimer: I’m tombout the first “I love you”, after that one, any stuttering should be viewed with caution. Unless you dating Mushmouf.

@Blow

There was a three hour running commentary on the show from all over the country, including AT the venue. From what we were seeing, to what we didn’t see, that show was run with chicken wire and Jesus!

I do feel a little sad about the A representation. Keri and Monica with the cacatou hair was really killing me…..Dan now waiting on all the chicks in the A with that hairdo by month’s end

imagine that...

June 29th, 2009
10:54 am

@Blow

Wow…talk about a disappointment…initially, I thought that the idea of honoring MJ was a cool idea…but it was so lacking in any structured presentation…and a little overkill…lol…another example of why it ain’t a good idea to do something without any prep time to perfect it for show…truly…and Jamie Foxx…WTF!!!

Professor

June 29th, 2009
10:55 am

@Kinder…I agree 100%

East Point's Own

June 29th, 2009
10:55 am

AmazonRed How do you get them to “scale back” their relationsship? Is it better to ask them to scale back, or for you to explain your point of view, and be prepared to walk away… but never asking them to change their relationship.
I mean you may only force them to move their interactions underground.. which can present many other issues.

Beautiful

June 29th, 2009
10:55 am

@JtJ
i just saw it. congratulations! i’m happy for you.

SexyCool - Taking off my cool, letting you love my sexy.

June 29th, 2009
10:58 am

I actually enjoyed a lot of the show last night.

Here’s two clicks of my opinion about artists – They are not normal people. They do not operate in a normal world. They are not going to respond in what we think is a normal way. As artists, their interpretation of a tribute to MJ should have an artistic slant. They are entertainers and are not the spokespeople for Black America – they are the artistic representations of the best and the worst of who we can be.

Stepping down from the podium…

Melo

June 29th, 2009
10:59 am

CEE/PROFF…I agree,focuses do vary but i wld still want to ask a cursory qstion and see what ur response is.
I cannot imagine meeting somebody today and just imagine that they are brand new,their history is no of my bizz.
Thats a recipe for disaster.
There is no guarnatee that u wil ever know the whole truth,nothing but the truth but,better field in some simple dating/rrlationship qstions based on the things that are important to you.
You may be surprised at what u may unravel,asking simple,st8 forward qstions.
That is the essence of dating to me,having interraction about the past,present and the future.
If somebody is st8 up coy and talks as if their lyfe history started in 2009,then we have a problem.

Cemeeli

June 29th, 2009
10:59 am

Dan – I’m speaking about, “on that emotional” level like you said. He having a hard time getting it said. “I love you” seems to come easier when he/she stop denying and unleash.

Lying about it? Whatever! My motto on that is “Warning comes before destruction” If you lie it will return valid to you, and you alone, by yourself…