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Defining Moments

It’s been surreal the past 24 hours. When news broke yesterday that Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson passed away, I got pensive. I usually become this way around birthdays (mine is Sunday!), just to reflect. However,  growing a year older just as the pop icons of my youth pass away, I definitely begin to recognize my own mortality as much as theirs.

I think we all have defining moments in our lives that shaped us who were are as people. It may have been good or bad, involving love or hate, but it had an impact on us. I think one of my defining moments involving romance is my first heartbreak. When someone I cared about did something unforgivable, I think it transformed my ability to trust.

When you have someone you thought you loved do something horrible to you, it makes you second guess yourself. It was a defining moment that I continue to work through. What’s an experience that’s shaped how you are today?

If you don’t care to share your defining moments, feel free to talk about what’s on your mind. Think of today as a day to reflect, laugh, and appreciate life. Life is beautiful. Life is short.

539 comments Add your comment

kinderbabe

June 26th, 2009
10:06 am

@Dan
that’s something else. wow…it still amazes me the lengths that some will go to in destroying the character of others. just think if that same energy went towards building personal character and uplifting others, we’d be in excellent shape as a society.:) you are so right about when you stand in judgement of others the boomerang effect it has. compassion is getting to be a lost art.

isn’t it weird about all of these political figures coming out of the woodwork w/scandals? the thing w/the SC governor came as a total shock. do you think someone was going to rat him out?? or did his conscious get the best of him?

For Real

June 26th, 2009
10:07 am

RIP MJ the album with the song Butterflies on it is one of his most underrated piece of work.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WISE

abc: Have you lost your Gentlemanly way?

Anthony Hamilton is a badddddd man and that band was flawless.

Musiq Soulchild is dayum good song writer.

What Musing?

Demi

June 26th, 2009
10:08 am

walk in to the room with the bass line from Billie Jean playing in the back ground

quick spin to the right…right hand pointing downward…pelvis thrust pelvis thrust (while making mean face as if I am getting some)…

quick jump into a spin to the left…left hand pointing downward…pelvis thrust pelvis thrust (while making mean face as if I am getting some)…

Break into a mean Moonwalk across the blog…into to the tippy toes

now stands fiercely and over looking the blog crowd…with the “GLOVE” hand rise into the air with the “Black Power Fist”…

MJ….Free at LAST

Raqi

June 26th, 2009
10:08 am

You know Poppa you are correct. I did not if think about that. He was on the west coast. That even more confirms that he was probably dead when the paramedics got there.

abc

June 26th, 2009
10:08 am

Nobody can deny his talent, but to make as if he wasn’t a sad, tragic and tawdry life just because he’s passed on is a bit disingenuous. To accurately portray what he was and became doesn’t represent disrespect. It represents accuracy.

But, I understand if you’d rather wax nostalgic. He really did have some of the best pop tunes ever.

Demi (BLOGGIN FROM THE FAMILY REUNION)

June 26th, 2009
10:09 am

y’all be east!!!!

Dan

June 26th, 2009
10:13 am

@Kinder

I learned that politics, in part, is the balancing act of “mutually assured destruction”, no doubt some of his opponents (and allies) had this information (the local paper had the story in December, but did not publish it), so it is probably a combination of conscious and the fear of being exposed.

By all accounts, he was a “strange, but honorable” guy that held his beliefs stridently. I think his moment(s) of weakness overwhelmed him to the point that he was getting sloppy with it.

Raqi

June 26th, 2009
10:13 am

Leggs Yes. When I looked at the caller id and saw the number from where I work I was thinking who in the heck is calling me at 6am in the morning during my maternity leave and why.

And then when she told me why they called in…

I had already said last night that this is a sad event but I hope all of America don’t shut down. Little did I know that part of America that would worked for me.

Death is just a part of life.

Baron Von W8©(thoroughbred... I dont play nor hate)

June 26th, 2009
10:14 am

Defining moment: The moment I found out our child was on the way.

On MJ, doesnt bother me in the least. His music I loved as a child even to this day when I hear a track I still like. He hadn’t put out anything in awhile so to me his music will remain as i remembered it. No compassion from me. And that is not because I think he is a child molester..heck I still bump R. Kelly. But really death is death it happens..I have lost 2 brothers and numerous co-workers doing what I do now and plenty from when I served in the military…At the end of the day my relationship with MJ hasn’t changed I know him the same as I knew him while he was alive…I didn’t…just like I didn’t know Biggie,Pac,Farrah.Bernie..etc..etc..

Leggs (Karyn)

June 26th, 2009
10:15 am

@abc, I watched just about every coverage since the announcement of his death. No one is “waxing.” They are talking about everything from his chilhood to inviting little boys into his bed, to the legal woes, to paying off his first accuser, etc. They are discussing EVERYTHING (unfortunately). One said it best, he was a young boy made to act like an adult, but when becoming an adult, he acted childlike. Arrested development at its best!

Dan

June 26th, 2009
10:15 am

abc

Honesty is a beautiful thing, and while he was accused of a number of crimes, let’s remember that he was aquitted too. That honesty door swings both ways.

But the day after someone’s passing remembering the best of them is the thing to do.

Raqi

June 26th, 2009
10:19 am

Kinderbabe I hear what you are saying, but would that same behavior be accepted if you heard it was your next door neighbor. A former friend of mine nade a similar statement as yours about his behavior being odd yet acceptable to her. I asked her the same thing that I just asked you.

Not to take anything from Michael Jackson gift of music but you can’t discredit his actions just because of who he is and you like him.

Leggs (Karyn)

June 26th, 2009
10:20 am

Oh, PoppaG, thanks for the definition of “death comes in 3’s.” That made a lot of sense even if it’s urban folklore.

M'

June 26th, 2009
10:20 am

Yes indeed, it is truly a sad day with the passing of Michael Jackson…sad indeed.

I was a huge fan of the teen mags of my day…I bought every single issue, every single month…just to tear out the pictures of the Jackson 5 and put them on my wall…especially the pics of Michael and Jermaine…I lived for and loved me some Jackson 5…I remember going to see their concert in 1972…”I Wanna Be Where You Are”…in 1983, when I was 7 months preggers, I had everyone on the dance floor doing the Thriller…lol../my daughter said that she was born to listen to Michael Jackson.

Life Defining moment: coming to the realization that I am the sole party responsible for my emotional well-being…not.someone.else…period….once I was able to wrap myself around that concept I then begin the process of eliminating any relationships that were emotionally painful.

abc

June 26th, 2009
10:22 am

Eh, I never watch the news. I rarely watch TV at all. Got a new 1080p a couple weeks ago though, it’s pretty awesome!

Fine, Dan, fine. The best of MJ is over 20 years ago, but I remember all those songs. They’re some of my favorite pop songs.

Poppa Grande

June 26th, 2009
10:23 am

MJ missed his childhood, and spent most of his adult life trying to buy back that childhood. By that time, it was inappropriate for a physically grown man to play with kids.

I have serious doubt whether he mentally or emotionally grew up.

Listening him talk about Tatum O’neal wanting to do naughty things with him while they were teenage sweethearts, and he still looked embarrassed about it (in the interview in which he had to be in his 40s.

I was thinking to myself. Teenagers like to do naughty things. He talked about it as if she was crazy.

kinderbabe

June 26th, 2009
10:23 am

@Dan
i didn’t know about the december story. i guess it was bound to catch up w/him. i heard that he had presidential aspirations…how much do you think this will harm him?

@Demi
lovin’ your intro…lol. that’s classic MJ right there.

Cemeeli

June 26th, 2009
10:25 am

Anthony Hamilton with his torn ACL was just bad!

ForReal you were there also? Wow m.i.a. was in the house. lol

Melo

June 26th, 2009
10:25 am

MJ was a man-child due to his upbringing! Blame that on his dad!
He wanted to re-live the youth that he never really lived to enjoy.Thats why he turned out the way he did.
My defining moment:his death reminds me of my ex wife whilst we were living in Zimbabwe.
I was wrking outa town(Harare) and an MJ concert was gonna be beamed live,that friday eve,outa London.So she taped it for me.
The one hr and half show was off da chain and had me glued to the sofa nd tv,non stop.I remember vividly his lady lead guitarist(it must have been some guns and roses guitarist,if i aint mistaken) and she had me spell bound.
Of all entertainers,he is the only one i truly would have wanted to seelive,(ofcourse Bruce Springstreen is another)
Celebrity took its toll on this guy.I believe he had lots of health issues and was never man enough to be able to deal with life’s vissisitudes coz in his brain,he was a real kid and ill advised.
So huge in stature,so talented and made lots of money but never able to live long enough to enjoy all that.
Lyfe is a muffckker biaaaaatch and can trip you in a moment!
Make it a point to enjoy urselfves always.
(Queen and I are headed to Harristons today to dance and drink away MJ, tonite)

RIP MJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Raqi

June 26th, 2009
10:28 am

I was thinking to myself. Teenagers like to do naughty things. He talked about it as if she was crazy.

Poppa Exactly. While I do feel sorry for him that he did not have an eventful childhood, nature still takes it’s course. Normal teenage boys want teenage girls. Normal grown men want adult relationships.

Page1908- The Countess

June 26th, 2009
10:29 am

ZZZZZZZZZ ok, I am still trying to wake up…tired as heck!

Whoever mentioned the death in 3’s statement yesterday, omg that is really weird and eerie. As for people calling out sick today….that’s a little over-the-top, but then again, even though the people didn’t know MJ personally, you just never know how his music may have helped them through a tragic moment in their lives. *sigh*

Leggs (Karyn)

June 26th, 2009
10:30 am

Everytime I hear anything about Hariston’s, I think of you Melo with your description of the lonely, desperate looking women sitting at the bar by themselves nursing one drink hoping againt hope that some man will come up and buy them another. I will never forget that!

Cemeeli

June 26th, 2009
10:31 am

PoppaG I too think he missed out on childhood and mentally growing up.

W8 I understand how you relate to death. I can truly say that “earth has not sorrow that heaven can not heal” has been a resting place for me throw the loss of a loved one.

Professor Did you make it in today? Sleep? Tired? Coe on sis :)

kinderbabe

June 26th, 2009
10:32 am

@raqi
i know that my statement may seem convenient b/c of who it is. i try my best to consider the circumstances and the psyche of a person before making a general statement of why they did whatever was done. so i can’t tell you what i’d say if it were my neighbor b/c i don’t know the circumstances…but i can tell you this…any person who had a childhood such as his and was subjected to the incredibly microscopic dissection of his/her every move at all times which caused them to retreat into an eternal childlike state would get consideration from me. before i called them a child molester, i would consider the possibility that they are underdeveloped by some emotionally traumatic life event(s). my perception on what happened w/him is an extension of my empathetic nature because he is a person….not b/c he’s MJ.

Raqi

June 26th, 2009
10:32 am

And Poppa Michael Jackson was an undeniably good looking kid. Had he not altered his appearance dude would have been sumthin’ else as a grown man. Even with the alterations of his face and skin he still could have probably gotten any and every woman he wanted. Probably 2 and 3 at a time.

Leggs (Karyn)

June 26th, 2009
10:36 am

@Raqi, I agree he was a nice looking kid. But back in the day, a lot of little black boys and girls wanted to be white. He always hated his “black” nose and it went downhill from there.

Well said, kinderbabe!

Page1908- The Countess

June 26th, 2009
10:37 am

Ok, there is one source that is claiming his death could have been a possible homicide! Sheesh, I’m sure this story is going to take many different twists and turns as the speculation had already begun before his body was even cold. *sad*

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

June 26th, 2009
10:40 am

“I remember vividly his lady lead guitarist(it must have been some guns and roses guitarist,if i aint mistaken) and she had me spell bound.”

Melo — Um, I believe you’re referring to Slash from Guns n’ Roses — and I hate to spoil it for you, but he’s a dude. :lol:

I was never really a huge fan of MJ (other than Thriller & Off The Wall), but his passing is definitely sad — to me, in part because MJ himself always seemed such a sad figure. I wonder if the man ever had even a single moment of normalcy in his whole life?

kimmie(Sheree)

June 26th, 2009
10:41 am

Morning good people!

I was a major MJ fan and he was a major part of my childhood/teen years. I saw him perform 5 times – 3 w/his brothers & twice by himself. Awesome, like watching a 2 hour long video. House parties playing the entire Off the Wall & Thriller albums. They’ll never be another talent like him. May he truly rest in peace cause he didn’t get any on earth.

Defining moments – Remembering high school graduation day. HS was not the greatest time for me so I looked forward to college and never looked back. My parents dropping me off at UGA. My first “real” job in the business world. Hearing my dad tell me my mother had cancer. Taking my mom to Olympic events and her dying a month later. Going to the house and having my dad tell me my brother had died in a car accident. Being hit in the car by a tractor trailer and living to tell about it. Caring for my ill father. Meeting the wonderful man I’m seeing now.

Having dealt with tragedy, I have a different perspective than most. My late brother lived his life to the fullest. My parents encouraged me to always pursue excellence and that there were no shortcuts in life. I try to live like it’s my last day and enjoy the time God is giving me on this earth. Enjoy my POSITIVE family and friends. I don’t do negative people, so that’s why I don’t waste my time anymore with sorry men. Stop & smell the roses. Dream big & live big. Don’t let anyone tell me I CAN’T do something. Yes I can.

Page1908- The Countess

June 26th, 2009
10:42 am

LOL @ “black” nose. This is amazing to me because I can’t tell you how many people have said to me that I don’t have a “black” nose or black features at all. People still think this way, even in 2009.

Page1908- The Countess

June 26th, 2009
10:43 am

Slash from Guns n Roses is actualy bi-racial.

Poppa Grande

June 26th, 2009
10:44 am

Raqi

I think hat the parent’s get off the hook way too easily.

I have no kids but if I did, I wouldn’t let my kids sleep with any 40 year old (man or woman) no matter how much money that they had.

He was a sitting duck. Easy to set him up for a big payday. A good attorney knows how to draft a complaint to make sure that his/her client gets something.

For Real

June 26th, 2009
10:44 am

Cee: Yup I was there who else was there and what did you have on. I want to see if I saw yall.

W8: That’s my approach to dealth as well. Shocked that he is gone but I didn’t have anything invested in him so no true loss for me.

abc: I think his 2001 Invincible Album was good. He got back to singing again.

Melo

June 26th, 2009
10:44 am

I hate to spoil it for you, but he’s a dude

thats cool,i was more enthraled by her/his mastery of the guitar than the looks or that she was a girl.He looked feminine tho,hence my conclusion.

Dan

June 26th, 2009
10:44 am

Imagine that childhood though,

Being 11, voice crackin, puberty and you gotta hang out with your 5 older brothers and be the star of a performance.

Back in the day,day you know Jackie an ‘nem was gittin it in with every groupie that came by. Mike didn’t even have an age appropriate playmate.

Someone said last night that the man suffered from things we take for granted, like “a normal childhood/life”.

Tragic.

But I don’t excuse him for the choices he made in life, either

Raqi

June 26th, 2009
10:48 am

Michael Jackson is not the only kid that has been robbed of a childhood. Where my father is from many little boys were denied schooling and put to work on farms at very young ages. Those little boys worked like men in those fields. That’s why my father’s grandfather brought him here so he could go to school and get an education. You think all of those little boys that had to work instead of play didn’t evolve into normal men. Do you think they used the excuse that they didn’t get to play like normal children so after they grew up they preferred spending their time sleeping in the bed with little boys as their playmates?

We can go back and forth at this all day, so I am stepping away and saying we agree to disagree.

kinderbabe

June 26th, 2009
10:48 am

@Leggs
thanks :)

Tazzee - countdown to August 1 when I can watch NFLN again

June 26th, 2009
10:51 am

Cemeeli Who said I didn’t cry? Actually I didn’t let any tears fall, I just teared up briefly

AmRed I read your comment after I signed off yesterday, I think I can let you fly me out to Cali so I can try In-N-Out Burger again. Let me know when you wanna book that flight ;-)

Professor

June 26th, 2009
10:51 am

Good Morning All:

On MJ: I wish his family privacy and sympathy.

Defining moments: I have several, but after the death of my father I notice that I book life in two categories (1) before daddy and (2) after daddy.

@Tazzee sorry I missed you last night. Did you enjoy the concert? I wish Chrisette Michele would have been given more time.

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

June 26th, 2009
10:52 am

“Slash from Guns n Roses is actualy bi-racial.”

You know, I never knew this until recently when I saw an interview with him (I think it was some sort of HBO special on being black in America). It was the first time I’d ever seen then mans face — all I’d seen before was hair & a top-hat. :lol:

And, Melo — I agree… he is a hell of a guitarist. MJ did have good taste in guitar players — Steve Stevens (on Beat It) can really play, too.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria...feeling more like Pandora :-)

June 26th, 2009
10:53 am

Wow Kinderbabe your 10:32 was deep and real. I think empathy often gets lost on who/what a person represented and NOT ON THE PERSON….we all have faults and at some point in our lives we will want someone to give us empathy….geniune from the heart without the rose colored glasses.

Baron Von W8©(thoroughbred... I dont play nor hate)

June 26th, 2009
10:53 am

@Raqi- I welcome your comments..don’t step away

Professor

June 26th, 2009
10:54 am

Good Morning All:

On MJ: I wish his family privacy and sympathy.
Defining moments: I have several, but after the death of my father I notice that I book life in two categories (1) before daddy and (2) after daddy.

@Tazzee sorry I missed you last night. Did you enjoy the concert? I wish Chrisette Michele would have been given more time.

Melo

June 26th, 2009
10:56 am

Do you think they used the excuse that they didn’t get to play like normal children so after they grew up they preferred spending their time sleeping in the bed with little boys as their playmates?

proly not,coz they arent MJ and MJ is not them.We all individuals,and MJ, a closed one at that coz we claim to know him,but proly knew only the palatable part presented.
For anybody to want to claim to know him and think that his messed up but seemeegly blessed childhood did not affect his adult lyfe is disengenous and ignorant at best.Nobody excuses the bad stuff but u gotta recognize it.
Go on…

kinderbabe

June 26th, 2009
10:57 am

@professor
wow, chrisette michelle performed too? that’s sounds like it was a great show!

Page1908- The Countess

June 26th, 2009
10:57 am

Buckshot yes, many people don’t know he is both black and white. I used to love Guns n Roses.

Baron Von W8©(thoroughbred... I dont play nor hate)

June 26th, 2009
10:57 am

To the one’s putting it on the line daily and not making it home for the liberties we take for granted I have compassion for you and lift you up in prayer daily. R.I.P.

Poppa Grande

June 26th, 2009
10:58 am

Raqi

Do you think they used the excuse that they didn’t get to play like normal children so after they grew up they preferred spending their time sleeping in the bed with little boys as their playmates?

Events in life affect everyone differently.

My mom once told my dad to remember that the same boiling water that makes an egg hard makes a carrot soft.

She said this in response to him treating my sister the same way that he treated me. The tough methods used on me didn’t have the same effect on her and it did me. It speaks to the individuality of us all.

Raqi

June 26th, 2009
10:58 am

I wouldn’t let my kids sleep with any 40 year old (man or woman) no matter how much money that they had.

Exactly Poppa. Those parents sold their kids out. They pimped them.

But the only person that set him up was himself. There were too many cases that surfaced. Even if the first event was innocent seeing how it transpired why would you continue to put yourself in the same situation over and over again.

And yet I still say all of the 40 year old men that I know would rather be spending their leisure time with a grown woman (or man) than with someone’s child.

His first stumble was when he was seen carrying Emmanuel Lewis on his hip. Emmanuel Lewis was a teenager at the time. He too seemed a little odd for riding a grown man’s hip.

Professor

June 26th, 2009
10:58 am

I will say this I try not to judge a person’s entire life by a few incidents instead I look at the entire person. With MJ I hope his musical legacy is not tarnished by his other problems and I hope his family builds a memorial for him similar to Graceland, but more majestic.