One size fits all
A little tip to the men: women like to feel as if she is special. Yes, we know that it can be annoying to you at times, but it is the truth. If a woman is dating a man and he doesn’t make her feel special, chances are he will lose her interest.
One of the ways we like to feel special is knowing that the man has put some real effort into getting to know her. Then doing thoughtful things that shows he, in fact, paid attention. It’s all really simple, actually. If you have some routine that you use that has worked on previous women (and by worked, I mean it got you laid), it doesn’t mean that your object of desire will like the same things.
I think some women can tell when a guy is going through the motion, using his same tired wooing techniques. Some of which are horrendous and don’t work. One size fits all does not apply to dating all the time. Mix it up, listen to her likes, and let her know that you think she is special by her special, customized treatment you give her.
Ladies, do you think single men use the one size fits all approach to dating and relationships? How can you tell when that is happening? What would you do if you noticed a guy doing this? Do you try to switch things up when you are seeing a guy?
Guys, why do some men use one size fits all? The same lines, routine, dating destinations, etc. Is it because it works so well? Perhaps it is just easier? If you meet a wonderful woman that you want to impress, do you make more efforts to make her feel special? Have you ever noticed a woman who tries to use the one size fits all approach with you? How did you know?
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497 comments Add your comment
kimmie(Sheree)
June 25th, 2009
11:13 am
Raqi – LOL!!!! It’s just not that hard but folks try to make it so! Like my favorite color is blue. Three rooms in my house are decorated in shades of blue. The first time SO came over he said “I take it you like blue”!
Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria...feeling more like Pandora :-)
June 25th, 2009
11:15 am
Now how in the hell can some dude know after just getting the number that this chick thinks this way? She has just met ole boy and she has already laid claim to who he is just because he sent a text???
Maybe you should re-read the post or better yet I’ll explain. If youhave the number then why not call?…instead you want to have a convo via text and that is soo not happening and is immature,at best. If you text 80% of the time and only talk 20% then what is one to think? If you go back and READ you’ll see that the post implies that it’s more than A text…..reading is fundamental boo boo…….
For Real
June 25th, 2009
11:16 am
Kimmie: “It really would not matter whether a “chick” opened her mouth to tell you her likes, dislikes, hopes & dreams if you are not into her. She’s talking to a brick wall!” – I agree with you if dude is not into her but what I talking about is in the inital stages of dating. I tell chicks on the first date face to face I don’t want to get married and I don’t want a girlfriend. Why is it so hard for a chick to say I want to get married but I want to be a girlfriend first on the first date?
Raqi: “Why do folks keep going at (wo)men that has obviously shows s/he has nothing in common of interest? Walk the hell away. Let it go. It ain’t gone happen.” – That’s why it soooo important on the first date to express yourself. If a chick wants to get married and have babies she should say so, so ole boy can decide on the first date if he wants the same from her. Still not understanding why that’s so difficult for chicks to do. Yall want forthrightness from men but yall don’t want to give it.
Dan
June 25th, 2009
11:18 am
@Sassy
Just wondering. Are you talking about at text to see “what you are doing” that is followed by a phone call; or an actual text conversation?
Either way, is the question of which party is currently engaged in an activity come up?
Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria...feeling more like Pandora :-)
June 25th, 2009
11:19 am
Raqi lol at your 11:08….I can so see that,too
Tazzee - countdown to NFL season
June 25th, 2009
11:20 am
M’ oh my land, my mind is bad! Can you hook that up with a leather strap or gold clasp? If so, send me a price and we’ll talk. Ooh and if you can make some earrings to match.. When I was getting dressed this morning I was wishing I had some nice colorful accessories to go with.
Professor send me an email – tazzee@gmail.com, I’ll give you the deets.
For Real That’s why I ask a guy not to text when I give out my number. I’ve had a few think I was ‘extra’ for that, but that’s cool – he wasn’t really interested in getting to know me. But I will admit – if a guy sends a text as the first form of communication, I don’t respond. If I just wanted a ‘message’ I would have given him my email… but then again, I can’t stand texts!!!
Leggs (Karyn)
June 25th, 2009
11:21 am
Getting to know someone shouldn’t be looked at as work. If both parties are interested, it’s usually smooth sailing. Nothing a rocket scientist needs to be consulted on. Goodness! Too much hoopla and too many dang rules.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria...feeling more like Pandora :-)
June 25th, 2009
11:21 am
Dan I’m talking about an actual convo via text…not the simple what are you doing. I’ve had it happen to me and it’s irritating b/c I’d rather speak with the person….no I don’t want to talk until we burn up the battery on the phone but is the art of a good conversation lost?…..
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
11:22 am
That’s why I ask a guy not to text when I give out my number. I’ve had a few think I was ‘extra’ for that
Tazzee – Same here, which is mind boggling to me. We’re grown, we don’t need to be text buddy pen pals.
Page1908
June 25th, 2009
11:22 am
I met this one truck driver way older dude (45 years old) one nite out with Leggs. Well, he was in FL working like on a Wed, he sent me a text and this is how it went:
Ole Truck Driver Dude: Hey Page, what’s up with this weekend?
Me: What do you mean?
Dude: well, i would like to see you
Me: ok, cool, what do you have in mind?
Dude: just get to know each other and chill
Me: what do you mean by chill?
Dude: *crickets*
Never heard from him since which is fine by me. SMDH. ARed, like I was saying earlier, in this situation, I expected more from this ole dude, but I was wrong to expect he would know how to CALL and speak to a woman, even though he was 45 years old. Clearly, you’re right, the age doesn’t matter and I see that now. I had nothing to offer him, so I guess he KIM.
Raqi
June 25th, 2009
11:23 am
Leggs Yep. LOL
You know Mason is always doing something to make me laugh when I am not trying to pay him any “attention”. He told me one night that he had the “blue balls”, I told him to show me ’cause I don’t believe it exists. He pulled down his boxers and said “see they are blue. they are sad and drooping”. One of the best laughs I ever had dealing with that man.
Now let me go bake me a sweet potato for lunch.
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
11:25 am
How they get you is after they meet they send that whole “nice meeting you” text right after. So if you respond, they think it’s cool to start texting, and if you don’t they think you aren’t interested.
Raqi
June 25th, 2009
11:26 am
If a chick wants to get married and have babies she should say so
ForReal but is not that the very thing you men folk complain about. A woman stating her interest in marriage and babies to early in the dating dance.
Man let me go cook my potato.
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
11:26 am
Ugh @ Page…the “what’s up for this weekend” text definitely get ignored! You really want to set a date via text! YRB!!!
Page1908
June 25th, 2009
11:27 am
LOL Ared. Thats why I was like “what do you mean”? i mean, come on.
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
11:27 am
ForReal but is not that the very thing you men folk complain about. A woman stating her interest in marriage and babies to early in the dating dance.
Right.
Damn those Jedis.
Dan
June 25th, 2009
11:28 am
@Sassy
What happens when you call him?
-W8©(thoroughbred... I dont play nor hate)
June 25th, 2009
11:28 am
(reads today’s topic…ladies,ladies, ladies, ladies, oh by the way men…)
Every dating situation is different but I do have core values that are unique to women not just the woman I date. Opening doors, letting her walk in first, making her feel secure, calling to make sure she got home, when out to eat asking her what she wants and I speak to the server to place the order, leading the table in prayer before we eat etc etc..those are part of me as a man. Some women who are not used to that treatment take that as some sort of..”game”..nope that’s just me.
On Dating specifically, I am a high maintenance dude and the woman I date is also so just like she expets me to show and prove..she need to also..now how that is done is up to the individual. But the day of the woman sitting back and just waiting on me to do everything is not going to come, I will take the lead and responsibility but she better find a way to reciprocate.. we are dating/in a relationship/ with each other. Hate to say it this way but if a man just wants sex it aint hard to find you dont have to go through all of the games, there are women who want just the same..so dont think guys are just trying to get the nookie..Once I responded to a lady who thought I was just out for sex with”Do you think I would go through all of this just to get in your pants…NO!”
From my point of view: If you got a problem with text we have a problem..normal people work during the business day. I am just getting started when you get off I lurk the night sometimes so I won’t be calling you all of the time..and believe it or not..lol..I hate talking if we are in person I will talk but on a phone and text..ehhhh(shrugs)
BLATino..... LESBIAN rights promoter
June 25th, 2009
11:29 am
(…. still getting into the flow, so go easy on me ladies…)
Ok, for me this answer really is easy now that I is married and found my fit. I was sooooo guilty of using the “One Size Fits All” technique with most of the women I met, but for me it was that I simply didn’t give a D@MM because I knew what I wanted and I’d either get it or I wouldn’t and that would be that. I suspect most men of my IQ level feel the same say. However, when I met my wife, although yes, I did meet her at a club, I INSTANTLY knew she was different, and acted accordingly. I knew she was a regular, so I waited a few weeks before approaching, and then even when I got all the signals that I should go for the kill….. I didn’t. and the rest is history, baby cribs, pampers, and in-laws!!!
Bottom line girls, if you don’t feel you’re special to him, its because you’re not.
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
11:29 am
LOL Ared. Thats why I was like “what do you mean”? i mean, come on.
Page – You were so nice to even respond.
Yeah, any reference to “kicking it” or “chill” will get the “I dont’ do that response.” I’m grown. State your purpose.
East Point's Own
June 25th, 2009
11:31 am
Grace I was watching the replay of the SC gov. speech this morning and he said that he and his wife had been “working through it” for about 5 months… So if they were working through it why did he go back to the cookie jar this past weekend??? LoL
And honestly I have never heard anyone discuss “Blue Balls” in real life… only on TV. But then people I grew up with don’t really turn blue either anywhere on our bodies…
Professor
June 25th, 2009
11:32 am
Ok Tazzee you got mail….
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
11:33 am
I won’t be calling you all of the time..
W8 – No one is asking for you to call “all the time.” What we are asking you is to show interest other than 160 word texts when you have just met us.
So y’all don’t like to talk on the phone. Too bad! You are gonna have to do SOMETHING to set up the situation where you can talk face to face if that’s what you prefer. Heck, have your “secretary” call and set something up, but expecting to handle business via as electronic messages is a recipe for disaster.
And besides, it’s funny how most folks don’t mind talking when it’s someone you actually enjoy talking to…
Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria...feeling more like Pandora :-)
June 25th, 2009
11:36 am
Dan this particular person works on the same CDC complex with me but in different buildings….I’d say it’s about a five minute walk, but I digress. He has my office number as well as my cell but he chose to text me over and over and over and over. He was VERY AGGRESSIVE when it came to doing that and I even shared with him that I’d rather talk than have him text me a gazillion times but nothing changed so I left him alone. Keep in mind that when we first exchanged numbers the VERY FIRST THING he did was text me less than five minutes later and proceeded to text the shyt out of my phone within an hour or two….weird and weak and SASSY don’t do weak…
Page1908
June 25th, 2009
11:36 am
Right, ARed, but I knew when I responded i for some reason already he wouldn’t say anything bc if he had a plan for the date, he would have said it from the beginning. It was more like I was calling his bluff. So when he went mia, i wasn’t surprised at all.
I don’t mind texting bc sometimes when I’m at work my calls drop or whatever. But with this dude, it was going to be a “potential” first date and to me, that was unacceptable.
M'
June 25th, 2009
11:36 am
@Taz
Currently, I do not have any gold findings…but I can order some…14k solid or gold-filled…for both earrings and necklace (and bracelet) if you want…I will have to look up the prices and let you know.
Leggs (Karyn)
June 25th, 2009
11:36 am
Oh my goodness. That was funny, Raqi. I can now honestly say that someone I’m acquainted with has seen the “blue balls.” That’s rich!
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
11:37 am
But with this dude, it was going to be a “potential” first date and to me, that was unacceptable.
Amen Page. I’m glad you held your ground. He was foolish to think that was the way to get to know you and you hadn’t even really talked with him.
For Real
June 25th, 2009
11:40 am
Raqi: “He walks into his lady of interest apartment and she has stuffed pillows and pictures of kittens every where and he buys her a puppy for Christmas.” – Hold on now this sooooooooo not men this what chicks do to men alllll the time. Go ask Mase! Fellas how many have you told your chick point blank you want the Kill Everybody video game and some wing from Abdula for YOUR bday and she goes out and make reseveration at Bones and buys you a pastel color shirt?
“but is not that the very thing you men folk complain about. A woman stating her interest in marriage and babies to early in the dating dance.” – No dudes don’t complain when women do that it’s women that complain because when most dudes hear that and they make the choice not to deal with that chick. – Fellas do you want to hear if a chicks wants to get married and have babies on the first date or hear it on the 20th date?
Ared: The inital meeting is the MOST important of any dating situation without it you don’t have dating. Again, in the inital stages of dating why can’t women open their mouth and say what they want or don’t want?
Sassy: See you (chick) expect me (dude) to know the implications of the words you typed. You never said 80% texting you said “My problem is, after the number are exchanged, you send a text instead of calling.” Now by your statement are you talking about immediately after the numbers have been exchanged or are you talking about 2yrs after the numbers have exchanged hands?
Taz: “That’s why I ask a guy not to text when I give out my number.” – See that’s what I’m talking about now dude knows not to text. If he does then you have every right to cuss his simple azz out.
Grace
June 25th, 2009
11:40 am
W8 I speak to the server to place the order – controlling! I’ve never let a man order my food for me, unless it’s take out.
if a man just wants sex it aint hard to find you dont have to go through all of the games -a womanizer/player will do all the above and some to get the cookie. Some men thrive on showing off their playa skills.
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
11:43 am
Again, in the inital stages of dating why can’t women open their mouth and say what they want or don’t want?
For Real – I don’t know hon, I do! But back to Raqi’s point, men have spent years trying to convince women that it’s a no no to bring up your expectations and desires too early in dating.
-W8©(thoroughbred... I dont play nor hate)
June 25th, 2009
11:43 am
@Ared- The point I was making is that some people have different schedules…when interested that person knows that I am no doubt….interested whether it be by phone, carrier pigeon, email etc
Leggs (Karyn)
June 25th, 2009
11:44 am
@EPO ~ “So if they were working through it why did he go back to the cookie jar this past weekend” I was thinking the exact same thing yesterday…pure d greed! That right there is a perfect example of throwing caution to the wind cuz he wanted his cake and eat it too. Was w/his mistress on Father’s Day, not at home w/his children (who probably are grown). It was his day he damn sure did what he wanted to. Just greedy, selfish and morally corrupt!
Page1908
June 25th, 2009
11:46 am
Huh? Ok, so FoReal, you’re saying that on the first date the woman should come right out and say she wants to get married and have 2.5 kids and a white picket fence? if that’s the case, men should come right out and say they want the dun-un-da-nuns. and we know that never happens. Let me ask you this: If when you go out on a date and you only want sex, do you say “i am only here because i want to have sex with you tonight”? If you do, how is that working out for you and if you don’t why don’t you think it works?
Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria...feeling more like Pandora :-)
June 25th, 2009
11:48 am
For Real I’m talking about immediately after numbers are exchanged….per my 11:36.
For Real
June 25th, 2009
11:48 am
Page: “but I knew when I responded i for some reason already he wouldn’t say anything bc if he had a plan for the date, he would have said it from the beginning. It was more like I was calling his bluff.” – I’m not speaking for old dude but dudes just don’t plan thing the way chicks do. I call in advance and ask for time on a specific day without any plans all the time. For me I like to gauge the chick’s mood before making plans. Cause if yo mamma just left your and re-arranged your cabinets then I would be crazy to plan something that involved us talking cause all you gon talk about is your mamma and no man wants to sit thru that kind of convo.
-W8©(thoroughbred... I dont play nor hate)
June 25th, 2009
11:49 am
And all of the so called “rules” yall women are holding on to are somewhat the same as the”male script” that you are complaining about. Having standards is one thing..but the other bs is the same ‘malescript” just coming form a womans perspective
What worked as a rule in one relationship may not work apply in the next…
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
11:49 am
The point I was making is that some people have different schedules…
W8 – And most chicks will understand that if it’s stated.
I’ve just read (and heard) several times, the whole “I don’t like talking on the phone bit.” There’s a lot of things we probably don’t care to do, like paying taxes, or killing bugs, but you do em. Your lack of enjoying phone convo does not absolve you from doing what you are supposed to do.
Kym-is avoiding an issue.
June 25th, 2009
11:51 am
Amazon I love that..state your purpose.
Page1908
June 25th, 2009
11:53 am
Ok, ForReal, but why not ask “hey, Page, what are your plans for this weekend? i would like to know if you would like to get togther on saturday sometime during the mid-day to maybe do XYZ”? I get that he wants to guage what my plans are, but like i said, dude text me on Wed, so I’m like “ok sure, what do you have in mind”? Now, keep in mind i had AGREED. I just asked for specifics on what he meant by chill. For me, my weekend may start on thurs night or friday morning, depending on what’s going on at my work, which is sometimes unpredicatble. so am i supposed to leave my entire weekkend open for dude to decide when he wants to see me and what he wants to do? i don’t think so. if you ask me out, at 45 years old especially, ummm yeah dude, you gonna have to do better than that.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria...feeling more like Pandora :-)
June 25th, 2009
11:53 am
Fellas do you want to hear if a chicks wants to get married and have babies on the first date or hear it on the 20th date?
Yes please answer THAT question…cause I’m with AmRed and Page in that most men run for the hills if/when they hear that on the first date.
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
11:55 am
I call in advance and ask for time on a specific day without any plans all the time.
For Real – I can respect that. I had a full blown argument with a guy who I had never gone on a date with. He told me “maybe” we could get together on Sunday and when I hadn’t heard from him by Saturday, I solidified my Sunday plans. When he called on Sunday asking for time, he blew up on me because I didn’t save Sunday for him.
I didn’t have to know exactly what we were doing, but I did need to know specifics like time and confirmation that we would be getting together!
-W8©(thoroughbred... I dont play nor hate)
June 25th, 2009
11:55 am
@Ared- You’d be amazed, you can state it over and over again, but some just dont get it..if she calls yeah I will answer the phone everytime, we will talk about the topic of discussion then hey let’s get off the phone..if you want to talk come over so we can vibe or I will catch up with you later..
For Real
June 25th, 2009
11:57 am
Ared: “men have spent years trying to convince women that it’s a no no to bring up your expectations and desires too early in dating.” – Not sure of the dudes you been meeting but I state my position upfront and I prefer a chick do the same with me.
Page: “you’re saying that on the first date the woman should come right out and say she wants to get married and have 2.5 kids and a white picket fence?” – YES!!!— “If when you go out on a date and you only want sex, do you say “i am only here because i want to have sex with you tonight”?” – If it’s our first date sex isn’t my main goal. If we have dated for a while then if I want sex I ask for it.
Sassy: Cool, I get that ole boy texting you like your 11:30 is piss poor but you didn’t say that in your original post.
-W8©(thoroughbred... I dont play nor hate)
June 25th, 2009
11:57 am
Fellas do you want to hear if a chicks wants to get married and have babies on the first date or hear it on the 20th date?
I want to hear it by the first or second date…
Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria...feeling more like Pandora :-)
June 25th, 2009
11:57 am
W8/N8 I know of the rules you speak and please let me say that that is a game I choose not to play. I understand your point b/c there are some women who play that game but that’s another blanket status quo statement that shouldn’t be applied to ALL just like ALL men dont’ come to the table with a load of bs.
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
11:58 am
Amazon I love that..state your purpose.
Kym – Girl! You will find out SO MUCH, by that three word response. Most guys have absolutely no plan…about anything sometimes.
I’m keeping it simple in 2009 and went back to HS, you know when the guy showed up and had to tell my dad his intentions for me? Just because my dad lives on the other side of the country doesn’t mean you can take me out without stating your intentions!
And for the guys who may have a problem with it, I will be more than happy to state mine in return.
Page1908
June 25th, 2009
12:00 pm
Ok, ForReal you said earlier to tell the “chicks” that you don’t want to get married and you don’t want a girlfiend? but, then u said sex is not the MAIN goal on the first date, so why even date? and what do you consider “dating for a while”, the second date?? and when you say you ask for sex, exactly what do you say? do you always get it?
For Real
June 25th, 2009
12:00 pm
Sassy: “I’m with AmRed and Page in that most men run for the hills if/when they hear that on the first date.” – What is wrong with them running for the hills if they don’t want what you want? If you a told you on the first date he wants to Kwai Chang Caine you. Then you have every right to want run for the hills. Like I said, IT AIN’T THE MEN THAT COMPLAIN ABOUT HEAR THAT IT’S THE WOMEN CAUSE THE MEN RUN FOR THE HILLS!
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
June 25th, 2009
12:01 pm
I just stuck my head in for a moment, so I apologize if I have missed the “meat” of what several bloggers have said, but…there are two kinds of people who are occasionally struck with a “lack of imagination”, EVERY MAN and EVERY WOMAN.
I see a lot of fingerpointing today, and some male/female and some intellectual/duma$$ arrows being slung…and some accurate evaluations by most in most instances. The reality is that: 1) none of us are on our “A Game” all of the time, 2) when we are tired, etc., we fall back to our “scripts” particularly early in a relationship, 3) why is it a “competition” any fricking way??? Should not the goal “not to “win” something, but rather to find someone to feel totally comfortable with??? But what the fugg do I know? Seems like it ought to be always an attempt to just find womeone you genuinely like to be with AND who likes to be with you. If you have to “win” to get what you want, is he/she really “who” you want?