One size fits all
A little tip to the men: women like to feel as if she is special. Yes, we know that it can be annoying to you at times, but it is the truth. If a woman is dating a man and he doesn’t make her feel special, chances are he will lose her interest.
One of the ways we like to feel special is knowing that the man has put some real effort into getting to know her. Then doing thoughtful things that shows he, in fact, paid attention. It’s all really simple, actually. If you have some routine that you use that has worked on previous women (and by worked, I mean it got you laid), it doesn’t mean that your object of desire will like the same things.
I think some women can tell when a guy is going through the motion, using his same tired wooing techniques. Some of which are horrendous and don’t work. One size fits all does not apply to dating all the time. Mix it up, listen to her likes, and let her know that you think she is special by her special, customized treatment you give her.
Ladies, do you think single men use the one size fits all approach to dating and relationships? How can you tell when that is happening? What would you do if you noticed a guy doing this? Do you try to switch things up when you are seeing a guy?
Guys, why do some men use one size fits all? The same lines, routine, dating destinations, etc. Is it because it works so well? Perhaps it is just easier? If you meet a wonderful woman that you want to impress, do you make more efforts to make her feel special? Have you ever noticed a woman who tries to use the one size fits all approach with you? How did you know?
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497 comments Add your comment
East Point's Own
June 25th, 2009
10:21 am
@AmazonRed, I agree about the texting… this texting has gotten wayy out of control. People will cut a phone conversation short and start texting you 5 minutes later… or my #1 pet peeve about this subject is when instead of returning your call they send you a text… I wish texting had an away message… LoL
Dan
June 25th, 2009
10:21 am
It strikes as abc speaks of intelligence that the search for mate requires a knowledge of self and an emotional intellingence.
If at some point your “type” (of guy/girl, approach, reaction, level of involvement) is not working out; an analysis of the factors involved is in order.
@Page
Think about the situation, the guy that is at it for more than sex is more aware of the individual he is pursuing. He’s prone to listen carefully and respond accordingly to that woman. The one’s using the boilerplate lines are the ones that don’t care about the individual. Becuase as stated, there’s always someone else that will fall for it.
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
10:22 am
See when you write me a check and tell me to get myself something nice, you come home to find a juicy, tender 10oz rib eye steak and grilled potatoes waiting for you for dinner. You care, I care, we share. LOL
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
10:24 am
I wish texting had an away message… LoL
I’m working on an app that automatically responds to text messages that say “The subscriber you have reached does not accept text messages from you. You will have to put on your big boy draws and call her.”
Raqi
June 25th, 2009
10:25 am
Tazzee I agree with that. You attract what you put out. If you want to bring in a certain audience you have to appeal to the likes of that audience. (Make them feel special, maybe?) Otherwise accept what you get and stop complaining about being broke. LOL (I just threw that in there for no reason)
Look at Oprah Winfrey and Jerry Springer. Two totally different audiences. Classy versus Trashy. Look at Oprah’s lifestyle. Now look at Jerry Springer.
Page1908
June 25th, 2009
10:26 am
LOL, that’s why I don’t have a phone that texts. I still have my old black pager from back in the day. The one where you used to call it and punch in 411, 6969, hello, or 911! That’s the original text messaging device lol. Matter of fact, I need to see if I can find me a bag phone too.
Tazzee - countdown to NFL season
June 25th, 2009
10:27 am
SexyCool – I feel you on the script though. That script is written daily with your experiences and it’s you. Like I said in my initial post, I’m me and will continue to be me. But I tailor my loving to my partner. If I know he likes certain things, I’m going to do it for him. But if I have to change the overall theme of that script to please him – then he ain’t the one for me.
Raqi
June 25th, 2009
10:27 am
Many men use the same techniques over and over because they’re stupid.
LOL abc. We all know the definition of insanity.
SexyCool - The inmates are running the asylum.
June 25th, 2009
10:27 am
More debate.
Let me spin it a different way, I am who I am and I know what works for ME. My experiences are what they are and my history is what it is. Neither my experience nor my history changed because I broke up with Tony last month and I’m dating Henry this week.
Should I change how I tell my stories? How I relay my history? There is a certain way that I share about getting hit in the face with a tetherball in the third grade or when Perry Shackleford stomped a mudhole in my behind in Miss McGlamory’s room in the 8th grade. (BTW – These days his @ss would have been charged with assault for that mess.)
What exactly is it that you suggest that I change? How should I appear different to the next one when with the last one the issue may not have been me?
More debate.
East Point's Own
June 25th, 2009
10:28 am
If someone is into “games” they should not be taken seriously anyway, no matter what else they do…
I still see these as two distinctly different topics… When a man want to realy date you he should have a whole other game plan as opposed to when he is just trying to get laid. THe boilerplate method usually works more for the times he wants to just get laid…that is how he can quickly weed out the potential victims from the women who are not feeling him like that…LoL So basically I am saying when these dudes give you the boilerplate dating impression you should know what time it is.
Leggs (Karyn)
June 25th, 2009
10:28 am
Good morning everyone!
@ARed,
“The subscriber you have reached does not accept text messages from you. You will have to put on your big boy draws and call her.” I will help fund you getting that application on the market Absolutely ridiculous w/all the texting and no phone call.
East Point's Own
June 25th, 2009
10:30 am
There are certain restaurants I like, there are certain places I like to go… sometimes (usually) I go alone, but on ocassion I have taken different dates to those same places… Just because the waitstaff or bar tenders know me does not mean that I am treating you like I treat all the other women I date. I just may like to do certain things and I want to share them with you… To me that is different than trying to run the same game to get the drawers.
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
10:31 am
THe boilerplate method usually works more for the times he wants to just get laid…
Well, the boilerplate method is the topic today…which is why we are discussing getting laid.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria...feeling more like Pandora :-)
June 25th, 2009
10:31 am
My problem is, after the number are exchanged, you send a text instead of calling.
I have issues with texting as well in some situations. I’ve had a man texy me back to back instead of calling and to me that means several things: 1. He’s not confident enough to call or scared to b/c he might get shot down. or 2. He’s lazy and just tryna see what he can get away with. 3. He’s somewhere with someone else and he’s wanting to keep his options open. Suffice it to say that a man who would rather text than talk gets nowhere with me but on the “outside looking in”. I’ve been accused of being high maintenance and alot of work but that’s only come from men who want shyt easy and I’M NOT THAT. I’m just a woman who knows what she wants and doesn’t want to settle for less….I don’t have unrealistic expectations b/c we’re all human but I do wanted to be treated like a woman….a grown azz woman and not some little naive girl.
Cemeeli
June 25th, 2009
10:34 am
lol @ “The inmate are running the asylum”! Heck NO!
Tazze/Raqi You ladies are just all over it today…Cool.
Professor – I’ll be in all white.
I’m so time is pressed.
C tha 1
June 25th, 2009
10:35 am
Unfortunately we live in a culture where chivalry is dead, or at least seriously underappreciated. Men realize this and tend to dumb down there approach to women. Why? Because no man wants to feel like he “put in real work” for a woman who wants to “talk” or go out to the occasional “dinner”. Most dudes would rather be the guy who put in the least amount of work and get the occasional booty call when you’re ready.
Tazzee - countdown to NFL season
June 25th, 2009
10:37 am
I refuse to get sucked into the text discussion – I CAN’T STAND TEXTS!!! And that’s all Imma say about that.
SexyCool – naw, that’s not what you change. What you change is…if he can’t stand to hear the softball stories right after he gets in from work, you save it until after he’s had his first beer. Better yet – in addition to the stories, if he loves the way your lips shine when you wear a certain gloss, you make sure you have on that gloss when you’re talking face to face. And if his ears are ‘his spot’ then you might get a little closer and whisper part of that story too him.
So you don’t change you at all – you just change your delivery of catering to what he likes. But you still tell those stories.
I don’t think there’s a man on earth that can stop me from singing in the car – but because I know my Sweetie loves Whitney Houston, I might just put in her greatest hits instead of Floetry….although he’s come to love more artists after hearing me sing them in the car
I Hate Traffic
June 25th, 2009
10:37 am
What I would like to know is why an army of INS agents wasn’t at the Georgia Dome last night for the soccer game to round up great multitudes of illegals in one big scoop.
I hate EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU who caused a traffic nightmare last night and made many of us miss the first 4 innings of the Yankees-Braves game by backing up I-75 for 2 freaking hours.
Seal the Border, and…
GO, BRAVES !
Dan
June 25th, 2009
10:38 am
@SC
No one arguing to change anything about you. I’m not going to change the core of who I am.
What I’m talking about is the telling of those stories, even the embarassing ones, in a effort to get to know someone. What I’m really getting at is communication – as in the exchange of ideas.
The defensive posture that Jamoca referred to yesterday is just the beginning of it. But when you have that exchange, whether or not it’s a romantic connection, there is a connection created.
Raqi
June 25th, 2009
10:40 am
SexyCool on your debate question…
I think it is less of not being who you are and more of appealing to the interest of the one you want to snag. That does not mean changing the “you”. I think we can all be who we are yet approach certain areas in our day differently. Imma reach way to left here, but say you met a sports doctor. I would imagine some instances injury in your past may be of interest to him if just for a good laugh. He can relate in his line of work. But that those same stories may be of less interest to a guitarist so why bore him with it. It does not mean that you can’t talk about it at some time or the other. But if it does not interest him why force it and want him to like it. Talk about music.
(Yeah that is so far to the left I am not sure I understood it. LOL)
Tazzee - countdown to NFL season
June 25th, 2009
10:40 am
Cemeeli Get off this dern blog and get to work!!!
Professor I’ve got on black linen slacks, a black tank and a lime green sweater.
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
10:40 am
I’ve been accused of being high maintenance and alot of work but that’s only come from men who want shyt easy and I’M NOT THAT. I’m just a woman who knows what she wants and doesn’t want to settle for less….I don’t have unrealistic expectations b/c we’re all human but I do wanted to be treated like a woman
Amen Sassy! That is a common male jedi mind trick, making you out to be the “difficult” one cuz you expect a man to you know CALL after he gets your number!
East Point's Own
June 25th, 2009
10:43 am
So if you recognize that a man is coming at you just for sex, then its up to you to decide to either give it to him or not. If you recognize that that’s what he is after then this is not at all about building a relationship. This is just about “things men do to ge the Pdu%%y” which is far from what men do to build a relationship…
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
10:44 am
What I’m talking about is the telling of those stories, even the embarassing ones, in a effort to get to know someone. What I’m really getting at is communication – as in the exchange of ideas
Um…so Dan are you saying that you sit up there telling stories and she sits on the phone and files her nails?
I really doubt you’re not getting an even exchange when conversing with someone.
kimmie(Sheree)
June 25th, 2009
10:44 am
Morning Gang!
I think we all know when a person is really into us & not “one-size-fits-alling” us, okay. Call it lazy or he’s just not that into you – it is what it is. And no, it does not take the IQ of a rocket scientist to figure out if he don’t want you, some folks just don’t want to accept what’s staring them in the face. We all grown up in here. If he’s not even calling you & trying to text you up, you know what time it is. When a guy likes you, he pays attention and makes little notes to himself of the things you like & don’t like. Same when a lady is into a guy. My SO observed that I love Martin reruns. Six months in he surprised me with the box set of Martin dvd’s. If I didn’t know before I knew then that he was into me and was paying attention.
East Point's Own
June 25th, 2009
10:46 am
My bad.. that should read “Things men say to get the Pdu%%y” LoL
Cemeeli
June 25th, 2009
10:47 am
Cee now going back to grind these numbers…
Yes maam Tazzee.
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
10:48 am
So if you recognize that a man is coming at you just for sex, then its up to you to decide to either give it to him or not.
Gee..you think?
The sentiment you are reading is our overall desire for men to step their game up, whether they want to know you, or the inside of your panties.
Dan
June 25th, 2009
10:48 am
@ARed
I actually dislike talking on the phone.
What I’m talking about is engaging someone in an exchange of ideas. I really don’t do small talk (although I do wanna know about [your]history), if there is an opening to discuss something “larger” I take it.
I’ve had discussions on dates about any number of subjects, and when I’m interested I listen intently. Becuase how a woman forms an argument and conveys her ideas attract infinitely more than anything physical. At least when I’m looking for a relationship that’s about more than sex.
Page1908
June 25th, 2009
10:49 am
LOL @ ole girl filing her nails while Dan is being vulnerable and telling his embarassing stories lol.
For Real
June 25th, 2009
10:52 am
The reason men use “boilerplate techniques” is because in the inital stages of dating it’s all on the dude and all chicks have to do is sit back and judge. As Wise stated no two chicks are the same so how is a dude to know what type of chick he is dealing with. Hence the “boilerplate techniques” which are developed thru that dude’s experience with chicks. If asking a chick to pull my fanga has worked in breaking the ice with 2,143 chicks why would a dude think it will not work on you? If chicks would open their mouth and clearly state what they do and don’t want in the inital stages of dating they wouldn’t have so many issues with dating. I tell chicks upfront what I will and want do. Giving her the opportunity to choose. Why women don’t do the same? But I guess most chicks would call that being lazy cause they want the dude to dig thru all of their ish so they can feel special. Who is being lazy? Who is playing games? When chicks over 25 still expect a dude to read their minds. I swear I can’t stand to hear “You should know…..by my…..” from chicks. Also, at some point in every chicks life they have/are a sucker azz chick. Now, pull my fanga!!
Raqi
June 25th, 2009
10:54 am
When a guy likes you, he pays attention and makes little notes to himself of the things you like & don’t like.
Exactly Kimmie. No matter how tedious or uninteresting it may seem to the giver, the one receiving it is the one that counts. And often it takes nothing from you to give that special interest.
It’s like when I was signing us up for Direct TV. Hershel Walker hitting 700 homeruns don’t mean diddidly squat to me but I made sure to get the sports package anyway. Heck he watches sports while I go shopping. He won’t even miss me while I’m gone.
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
10:54 am
Good grief Dan. Okay, take the phone out, the question is still valid and you didn’t answer it. I’m asking you if you are sitting somewhere, conversing with someone you want to get to know. Do you really think you aren’t getting an even exchange back?
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
10:56 am
I tell chicks upfront what I will and want do. Giving her the opportunity to choose. Why women don’t do the same?
For Real – The ones that do are labeled “difficult.” Most often we’re told we need to just chill and follow his program. *shrugs*
Staceye AKA Black Mamba AKA Xiomara
June 25th, 2009
10:56 am
ARED….”The subscriber you have reached does not accept text messages from you. You will have to put on your big boy draws and call her.” ”
So very fuuny. I wish there was such an app.
SASSY…I get called high maintenaince…I take that as a compliment. That means I do a great job of maintaining myself d*mn self and that I do not have to deal with BS and games. Nor will I deal with a man who either lacks the mind capacity to do what it takes to get a woman of caliber or the just plain ole lazy.
M'
June 25th, 2009
10:57 am
black linen slacks, a black tank and a lime green sweater.
Now see Taz…one of my peridot, onyx and yellow turquoise necklaces would set that outfit off…lol.
On Topic:
I think that when ppl are able to bring a genuine dialogue to the table then the “game talk” ceases to be an issue…lines, pat phrases, bs monologue…everybody likes to feel as if there is some individual importance to their existence…no just some standard form dialogue…or else why bother?
Grace
June 25th, 2009
10:58 am
Good morning, Ladies, do you think single men use the one size fits all approach to dating and relationships? Most men. Some men are weak on their mack game thinking that they’re the man when it comes to pulling the ladies and use the same ol same line when approaching women and dating. What worked in 1992 will not work in 2009.
I’m pretty much keen on whether a guy is dating me just for the score or dating me because he truly wants to get to know me, the conversations and the way he represents himself are very evident, UNLESS he’s a smooth talker and I can’t distinquish which side of the coin he’s coming from.
I personally don’t have a problem with getting sweet notes via text, but a back and forth conversation is where I draw the line.
Professor
June 25th, 2009
11:00 am
@ Cee and Tazz it is hard to describe what I am going to wear and even harder to describe me…I can tell you where I am going to be sitting or I can send you ladies my number.
Dan
June 25th, 2009
11:01 am
@ARed
No. I’m not making that generalization.
When I get the even exchange, I converse with the ladies frequently. That’s not what I’m addressing.
What I’m talking about is the 2 in 10 attitude that is under the impression that I have to work to get at [her]. It’s mutual by the time we go on the ‘date’ so far as I’m concerned.
And if/when the woman doesn’t have the capacity or desire to engage to my standards, I wish her well and KIM.
kimmie(Sheree)
June 25th, 2009
11:02 am
When you are really into someone and are truly interested in getting to know them, it’s not WORK at all. It’s actually an enjoyable experience. Nobody is THAT complicated that someone can’t pay attention and figure out SOMETHING that they like.
So it really boils down to this – he’s really not lazy, he’s just not into you!
For Real – It really would not matter whether a “chick” opened her mouth to tell you her likes, dislikes, hopes & dreams if you are not into her. She’s talking to a brick wall!
East Point's Own
June 25th, 2009
11:03 am
And my point is that you are dreaming if you think dudes are going to step up anything if all they are after is the panties… There is no reason to step anything up for that. Just as it was said before, if one won’t do it another one will…its that simple. If you wish for anything else you are wasting your energy. If a woman wants a man to Woo her just to get the drawers even though she does not plan on being in a relationship with him she is playing games just like the dudes.
Either you should be trying to form a relationship, or you should call it a booty call and keep it moving… there is no middle ground.
The only time a man is going to step up his level of effort is when he is going for a relationship.
I was just thinking last night… what happened to the time when there was no kissing and cuddling with the booty call? Now folks want to treat the booty call like their boyfriend/girlfirend (for the night…) I mean it used to be a time when you called someone for some action and they left before sunrise now folks want to treat the person like its their boyfriend/girlfriend…but only during the hours they are together and both parties know that they are only in it for the sex…
Its almost like these days people want to rent-a-mate… while we they are together you would swear they were a couple, but they are like that with everyone they are “dating” so its kind of like folks have 2 or 3 mini-relationships going. And that’s males and females…
Raqi
June 25th, 2009
11:03 am
so how is a dude to know what type of chick he is dealing with
ForReal I would say it’s not the initial approach that matters as much as it is where you go after that. If you listen you will learn what her interest are. If you care to make her feel special you will from time to time cater to those interest. You can still do what it is you like to do, but if she is the one you want to be with what interest her matters just as much as yours.
Why do folks keep going at (wo)men that has obviously shows s/he has nothing in common of interest? Walk the hell away. Let it go. It ain’t gone happen. That you gonna be with me the way I want you to be is so not where it is.
For Real
June 25th, 2009
11:03 am
“I’ve had a man texy me back to back instead of calling and to me that means several things: 1. He’s not confident enough to call or scared to b/c he might get shot down. or 2. He’s lazy and just tryna see what he can get away with. 3. He’s somewhere with someone else and he’s wanting to keep his options open.” – Now how in the hell can some dude know after just getting the number that this chick thinks this way? She has just met ole boy and she has already laid claim to who he is just because he sent a text???
East Point's Own
June 25th, 2009
11:05 am
Gotta meeting.. but I will check back later… so be prepared to get back on topic later.. LoL
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
11:07 am
Just as it was said before, if one won’t do it another one will…
EPO – Right. The women brought that up. We know the game, we can have a discussion about it if we want to. Clearly it ain’t changing for the better.
Raqi
June 25th, 2009
11:08 am
Nobody is THAT complicated that someone can’t pay attention and figure out SOMETHING that they like.
LOL Kimmie. I can ForReal now. He walks into his lady of interest apartment and she has stuffed pillows and pictures of kittens every where and he buys her a puppy for Christmas. LOL I can so see that happening.
Grace
June 25th, 2009
11:08 am
EPO – things men do to ge the Pdu%%y” You’re right! the governor of SC dissed father’s day for some
AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill
June 25th, 2009
11:09 am
I would say it’s not the initial approach that matters as much as it is where you go after that.
Precisely @ Raqi.
Most likely, if you’ve had a decent convo upon meeting her and the numbers are exchanged, she’s interested. If you get a cold reception after that, it could very well she’s picked up on some “one size fits all game” or realized your follow up has much to be desired.
Grace
June 25th, 2009
11:11 am
When you are really into someone and are truly interested in getting to know them, it’s not WORK at all. It’s actually an enjoyable experience. @ Kimmie AGREE
Leggs (Karyn)
June 25th, 2009
11:13 am
Ok, I was going to leave this along, but here it is a second time
“things men do to ge the Pdu%%y” Do you guys still say you’ll get “blue balls” if you don’t get some. Sorry, corny and funny to me at the same time…carry on!