accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

One size fits all

A little tip to the men: women like to feel as if she is special. Yes, we know that it can be annoying to you at times, but it is the truth. If a woman is dating a man and he doesn’t make her feel special, chances are he will lose her interest.

One of the ways we like to feel special is knowing that the man has put some real effort into getting to know her. Then doing thoughtful things that shows he, in fact, paid attention. It’s all really simple, actually. If you have some routine that you use that has worked on previous women (and by worked, I mean it got you laid), it doesn’t mean that your object of desire will like the same things.

I think some women can tell when a guy is going through the motion, using his same tired wooing techniques. Some of which are horrendous and don’t work. One size fits all does not apply to dating all the time. Mix it up, listen to her likes, and let her know that you think she is special by her special, customized treatment you give her.

Ladies, do you think single men use the one size fits all approach to dating and relationships? How can you tell when that is happening? What would you do if you noticed a guy doing this? Do you try to switch things up when you are seeing a guy?

Guys, why do some men use one size fits all? The same lines, routine, dating destinations, etc. Is it because it works so well? Perhaps it is just easier? If you meet a wonderful woman that you want to impress, do you make more efforts to make her feel special? Have you ever noticed a woman who tries to use the one size fits all approach with you? How did you know?

497 comments Add your comment

Dan

June 25th, 2009
8:34 am

Good morning,

It is easier to have a boiler plate program for the approach (let’s you hide behind format) as opposed to actually saying something original that gets shot down. But that’s for the “process of elimination” game.

When you’re really feeling a woman, it’s not hard to listen to her (for her likes and dislikes – but the banality of a 9:23 meeting gets tedious). As far as custom designing a program to “fit” a woman, I wouldn’t phrase it like that.

I’m more comfortable with making “her” comfortable, and for each woman that entails different things. And when you’re feeling her, you just pick up on it – in the furrowing of her eyebrows, the pursing of her lips, or something as simple as an exasperated “sigh”.

There are different approach for differing goals with men.

Tazzee - countdown to NFL season

June 25th, 2009
8:44 am

Morning Folks!

Yes, I can tell when a guy is using a one-size fits all approach when it comes very soon and it happens too easily. When I notice a guy is doing this, I simply bring it to his attention – let him know that I know. I can’t say that I try to switch things up when dealing with a guy. I’m me and I continue to be me with every guy. But when I’m romancing a guy, I always base it on him – what I’ve noticed he likes. I don’t have a common thing that I do. I think as women, we have the advantage in being original because the guys usually start the romancing off the bat. We usually have a few conversations and at least one date under our belt before we put it on him.

AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill

June 25th, 2009
9:01 am

Ladies, do you think single men use the one size fits all approach to dating and relationships?

Of course, we are in the era of the lazy dater. Guys often put forth the minimum amount of effort and go with whatever chick is down with that program.

As a person that dates frequently, any guy who starts the game off with texting another one size fits all nonsense will get dismissed. I’d rather not date at all and just wait for the guy who will put in real effort. Those guys stand out because they make it known early on that they want to get to know you, they follow through on what they say they are going to do and they take an active interest on getting to know you and remember what you said in past conversations.

Good morning all.

Turd Ferguson

June 25th, 2009
9:06 am

LOL…Ladies, when you make ME feel special then perhaps the relationship will blossom. Until then its business as usual and if that isnt good enough then you need to move on and find that flunky that will kiss your behind.

Look at how this article reads…Its the mans responsbility to make the lady feel special…Nice try…lol.

Dan

June 25th, 2009
9:07 am

OFF TOPIC:

@WD – I’m sorry, but starting a blog entry with “because he kept me off the pole” is quite honestly killing me slowly err time I look at it.

Page1908- Sad to see Shaq go....

June 25th, 2009
9:11 am

I agree that typically the man’s approach is a one size fits all, which can be sorta frustrating, but expected at the same time. It’s not hard to tell when this happens. I guess for me, I don’t really put a lot (or high) expectations on the men in the dating scene.

SexyCool - The inmates are running the asylum.

June 25th, 2009
9:12 am

This goes both ways. Of course.

What’s beautiful is when you are really relating with someone in a way that the ebb and flow is wonderfully unique because it just feels right. When I can close my eyes and feel THAT someone’s spirit reaching out to touch my heart, it feels like my cup overflowing.

Three Words Daily – Live more life.

Professor

June 25th, 2009
9:12 am

Ok for some reason the blog is not liking me this morning…this is my third attempt to post. Testing 1…2…3

Kym-counting down to vacation--7 days!!!

June 25th, 2009
9:13 am

Good Morning All,

Yeah I know when it is the same ole line you used on Boofina..and like Tazzee I let it be known. I do my level best to get to know the man and not the myth so that I can accomodate as much as possible. But when I feel like a guy is giving me some leftover twaddle(today’s word) then I am looking for an exit.

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

June 25th, 2009
9:23 am

“Ok for some reason the blog is not liking me this morning…this is my third attempt to post. Testing 1…2…3″

Professor — You didn’t happen to use the word ri-di-culous, did you? The blog monster eats posts w/ that word — or at least it used to…

Kym-counting down to vacation--7 days!!!

June 25th, 2009
9:34 am

I take it this is going to be a quieter blog day.

Dan

June 25th, 2009
9:38 am

Admittedly as a man, I am guilty of using twaddle – not just becuase it has worked, but because it’s easier that being vulnerable.

By that same token, I’ve sat across from a number of females that strike a similar defensive posture and wait for me “to impress [her]“.

Well, I’m not an entertainer. My name ain’t Cedric. It is my belief that if we’ve gotten to the point of being on a “date” together, there should be a willingness on both of our parts to be open to the experience.

Page1908- Sad to see Shaq go....

June 25th, 2009
9:40 am

Kym it just might, but then again, it’s still early and you know how things can make a dramatic turn at any time lol.

Kym-is avoiding an issue.

June 25th, 2009
9:43 am

Admittedly as a man, I am guilty of using twaddle – not just becuase it has worked, but because it’s easier that being vulnerable. <<<<this seems pretty lazy. I mean men always say a woman has to be on point. So why should we not expect the man to be on point. We are not there for your amusement either.

Page1908

June 25th, 2009
9:44 am

Dan how would you be vulnerable?

abc

June 25th, 2009
9:44 am

Many men use the same techniques over and over because they’re stupid. Average intelligence quotient in Georgia is 92. While that’s pretty low, it’s only 6 or 7 point below the national average.

That means that a lot of people you meet have IQs that are well under 90, down into the 70’s. An IQ of 70 is the threshold of retardation. One out of 20 drivers on the road has an IQ of around 55. Now, it’s pretty sad to realize that much if not most of the ill behavior people note in the opposite sex is due to stupidity, but it’s the truth!

Cemeeli

June 25th, 2009
9:44 am

Morning!

Yes i agree men should pay attention to what we women like or as some have said, “what makes us tick”. I don’t really care for the “quid pro quo” typa thang b/c i like surprises. Get to know your mate and do what you feel in your heart for your sweetie at that moment. I go with whatever’s on the spontaneous thought i have and do it (pay for dinner,concert, gifts…etc.), but that’s just the romancer side of me…

Tazzee, TODAY is closing books and tonight is a stretch…pray for me.

BTW – Shaq is going to Cleveland….So is Lebron dead seat for a ring next year?

Dan

June 25th, 2009
9:46 am

@Kym

Wow. See there’s that defensiveness.

The sentence you highlighted isn’t about laziness or process, it’s revealing an emotional response to a situation.

And yes, men expect women to be “on point” as in engaged in the conversation, not just waiting for [your] chance to speak, but active participation.

Tazzee - countdown to NFL season

June 25th, 2009
9:48 am

Twaddle – I like that.

Currently listening to an Anthony Hamilton, Jaheim and Musiq station on Pandora – getting ready for tonight’s concert. I wouldn’t have picked Jaheim but he was already on there.

Leftover twaddle example: When my guy would call, after hello he would say ‘How’s my baby doing?’ Normally I don’t like being called baby, but it sounded so cute coming from him…well when I went home with him – whenever he would see a young cousin, niece, etc – he would give her a hug and say ‘How’s my baby doing?’ :roll: :lol: So of course I called him on it. Now I realize how common it is for him because he’ll call and start with ‘How’s my..’ then stop. :lol: I laugh at him every time

AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill

June 25th, 2009
9:49 am

<<<<this seems pretty lazy.

Kym – You nailed it of course. I mean, the guy sits up there an then decides to pursue, and then does it on some ole bull. He’s just wasting his own time.

Page1908

June 25th, 2009
9:49 am

Cee what do you mean? How does quid pro quo relate? And yes, Shaq is going to Cleveland. I think they will be a contender in the East, but next year will NOT be Lebron’s year.

Dan

June 25th, 2009
9:50 am

@abc

Emotional stupidity or a lack of emtional intelligence maybe. But IQ really has little to with dating other than compatability.

@Page

If I’m there, I at least like you. If I’m sitting there attempting to have a conversation that is about more than sex, I’m exposed.

Tazzee - countdown to NFL season

June 25th, 2009
9:50 am

Cemeeli – I was just about to email you and see if you wanted to meet us for dinner. I’m praying you can make it.

On Shaq to Cleveland – He’s a little long in the tooth, he can’t even play a full season. I’m sure it will help some and I’m hoping Cleveland can piece together the other missing parts through the draft.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria...feeling more like Pandora :-)

June 25th, 2009
9:51 am

Ladies, do you think single men use the one size fits all approach to dating and relationships? How can you tell when that is happening? What would you do if you noticed a guy doing this? Do you try to switch things up when you are seeing a guy?

Do I think single men use the one size fits all approach…yes I do but as Dan stated the approach is also based on the goal. If a dude is just trying to get laid then he’ll use whatever one size approach that’s worked for him in the past….if he truly wants to get to know you then he will adjust and use whatever approach has worked for him in the past….THEREIN LIES THE PROBLEM that I’ve encountered. It’s understandable to want to stick with what works but women aren’t all alike so neither should a man’s approach be. I dislike it when,for whatever reason, men think I’m retarded and try to come with lame game or an even lamer approach….when I see that happening I let them know “game recognizes game ALL DAY LONG” so either be real or kick rocks. I switch things up often b/c it’s keeps things interesting but moreso that’s who I am as a person

I like a man that can stimulate me mentally,not be threatened by my strengths anda man who has the confidence and ballz to tell me what’s up if we disagree on something.

Growing up I heard and was told that a woman knows how a man feels about her by the way he treats her and that is so true. I’ve met men who only wanted the cookie and that’s how they TRIED to treat me but I quikly shut that down….I’ve also dated men who paid attention to what I said so much that THEY remembered things from past convos that I’ve forgotten…or they may do something I like that lets me know they were paying attention. Little things mean alot fellas :)

AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill

June 25th, 2009
9:51 am

Many men use the same techniques over and over because they’re stupid.

:lol:

And because at the end of the day, there is some sucker azz woman that still gives them sex. :|

Kym-is avoiding an issue.

June 25th, 2009
9:52 am

Sorry but how is my pointing out that your excuse is lazy defensivenes on my part? Pulling a old line out of your trick bag is not an emotional response..that is more along the lines of I am too lazy to actually get to know this woman or my orignality is lacking.

SexyCool - The inmates are running the asylum.

June 25th, 2009
9:57 am

For the sake of debate

There is nothing new under the sun. Why do I have to re-create my flow, my habits, my conversation, myself EVERY time I meet someone new? That would be like a comedian writing a completely new act every night before he went on in a new city. Or a playwright re-writing his play everytime his show was performed in a new venue. The lines work. They know them. They are familiar. They have the timing down. The comedian gets the laughter. The playwright gets the applause and the curtain calls.

As you well know, Live at the Improv is not always the greatest show. Everyone is not quick enough on his feet or talented enough or intelligent enough to work will in that genre.

I wrote this script. I like this script. I’m sticking to this script.

For the sake of debate

abc

June 25th, 2009
9:58 am

I beg to differ on that, Dan. Stupidity is self-evident. Intelligence drives everything else.

Cemeeli

June 25th, 2009
9:59 am

Page – Equal exchange…”the swap”. He takes me to dinner i take him…Noooo…that’s so boring.

Spontaneity is always better.

AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill

June 25th, 2009
10:00 am

If I’m sitting there attempting to have a conversation that is about more than sex, I’m exposed.

*sigh*

Such is life. Man up!

Cemeeli

June 25th, 2009
10:02 am

Tazzee You did email me. :grin:

Girl i’ll be fine…

btw- I just can’t listen to Anthony today. My anticipation would be watered down a lil.

Page1908

June 25th, 2009
10:02 am

gotcha Cee.

lol ARed. i can see maybe younger dudes fearful of being exposed or vulnerable, but older dudes like 30 and up? wow.

East Point's Own

June 25th, 2009
10:02 am

Wise Diva you lost me at the “(and by worked, I mean it got you laid)”</em) part… When I am just trying to get laid there is a whole nother process which if far from when I am trying to date a woman with the intention of having a relationship. I think this reference throws off your whole intention of what this blog post is really about. Usually if a guy is just trying to get laid its a wrap after 1-3 dates and nothing happens…if we are trying to have a realtionship our whole mindset is different. BUt the tricky part is when we start out trying to get laid, but we stick around and we decide we might want to think about a relationship….

Ok, well back on topic… I don’t know that its a boilerplate, but when I meet a woman I like to make sure the first couple dates are things I like to do. If she enjoys them and is down then I get a sense that we might work well together. Its not hard to plan a date that most women would enjoy, so trying to impress her is of no real value. I would rather do something that will show if we are on the same page…

So its not so much that I am using a formula, but as we get to know each other more then the real customized dating experience begins(if I like what I have learned of you). I mean if we just met I am not pulling all the tricks out of the bag, and I am especially not investing too much money in the first 2-3 dates on anybody… I learned my lesson about that the hard way.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria...feeling more like Pandora :-)

June 25th, 2009
10:05 am

And because at the end of the day, there is some sucker azz woman that still gives them sex.

That’s REALLY what it is AmRed…that’s the sad,sad reality and that in itself keeps the cycle going…regardless of how warped it is. Gucci Mane said it one of his songs that women are like buses…if one leaves without you there’s another one comin’ in 15 minutes…what to do? :???:

AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill

June 25th, 2009
10:05 am

i can see maybe younger dudes fearful of being exposed or vulnerable, but older dudes like 30 and up? wow.

Page – I really don’t buy it at any age though. How are you gonna get anywhere in life, career or love without some exposure? Now dudes are using it as an excuse to hold back…? It’s just really sad to me how gun shy everyone is about everything.

AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill

June 25th, 2009
10:06 am

women are like buses…if one leaves without you there’s another one comin’ in 15 minutes

:lol: That’s how I feel about guys tho sometimes. :lol:

East Point's Own

June 25th, 2009
10:08 am

And who’s to say that a certain guy is not using a boilerplate dating routine.. what if he actually thought you would like a certain thing, but just so happens the last 5 guys you dated tried the exact same thing… I mean everybody is not as creative as I am… LoL

THe guy you are with does not know what the last 5 guys tried… but you can’t assume that the new guy tried this same thing with every woman he dates.

Professor

June 25th, 2009
10:08 am

Good Morning All:

Long story short, a little listening and a little effort goes a long ways. I do not like one size fits all in any capacity. IMO I feel like if the guy is taking an interest in me he should not use lines and dates of the past to “court” me that is ridiculous) and a major turn off. I have seen guys recycle lines even on this forum (maybe it is a guy thing), but it is a turn off. I make a good faith effort to get to know the man that I am dating and I expect the same in return.

@Ared I can deal with the texting if it is done through the day while I am at work or something, but I expect more after hours. I feel that texting is a game all in itself.

@ Kym and Tazzee- I could do better in calling them out when I see this junk going on…usually I just recoil and keep it moving.

@Cee/Tazzee I cannot wait for the concert either tonight!!

@Scool- maybe it is just my ego, but I hate the generic lines used on this premium chick…

Tazzee - countdown to NFL season

June 25th, 2009
10:10 am

SexyCool – for the sake of debate.

Or a playwright re-writing his play everytime his show was performed in a new venue. The lines work. They know them. They are familiar. They have the timing down. The comedian gets the laughter. The playwright gets the applause and the curtain calls.

Not everyone is going to like that play so if the playwright wants to appeal to a different audience, he’ll have to write a different type of play. Now if his play has been running on Broadway for a record time – he knows he can go with it…but if his plays get shut down early, or if he’s attracting the type of audience that consistently shows up late, doesn’t turn off their cell phones, etc – he might want to change it up a bit.

Now the comedian is definitely going to change his delivery for his audience. The core of his act is the same, because that’s part of who he is. But depending on the venue and the audience, he’s going to change his delivery.

Raqi

June 25th, 2009
10:10 am

Relationship Motto: Cater to the interest of your mate.

Yes I like to be made to feel special. If my guy does not make me feel special he is no different than the next Joe Bloe out there. What benefit is he in my life??? What makes him stand out from the rest??? Guys (meaning Rell) always talking about a woman has to earn her place in his schedule, well you menz folkz got to get our attention too.

See when you write me a check and tell me to get myself something nice, you come home to find a juicy, tender 10oz rib eye steak and grilled potatoes waiting for you for dinner. You care, I care, we share. LOL

Professor

June 25th, 2009
10:10 am

@Ared I can deal with the texting if it is done through the day while I am at work or something, but I expect more after hours. I feel that texting is a game all in itself.

@ Kym and Tazzee- I could do better in calling them out when I see this junk going on…usually I just recoil and keep it moving.

@Cee/Tazzee I cannot wait for the concert either tonight!!

@Scool- maybe it is just my ego, but I hate the generic lines used on this premium chick…

East Point's Own

June 25th, 2009
10:12 am

Why do ya’ll keep bringing sex into this? From my experience you don’t have to do much to just get sex, if that’s all you want. I mean women give that up after 1-2 good drinks, if that… so maybe I am missing something, but it does not take that much to get the drawers… So I Was thinking this topic was more about when a guy wants to actually date a woman…with the intention of getting to know her, but maybe I’m wrong…

http://hispointofview.com

Professor

June 25th, 2009
10:12 am

Long story short, a little listening and a little effort goes a long ways. I do not like one size fits all in any capacity. IMO I feel like if the guy is taking an interest in me he should not use lines and dates of the past to “court” me that is ridiculous) and a major turn off. Since I make a good faith effort to get to know the person and I am intelligent enough to customize my game I am not excepting anything less.

Raqi

June 25th, 2009
10:14 am

Don’t tell me what I like, what I should like or what I should want to do because it’s all you know or it’s what the last woman accepted. I like what I like.

Professor

June 25th, 2009
10:15 am

Scool- you made some interesting points on your 9:57, however play writers and comedians are appealing to the masses I want a man that is only trying to appeal to me and not win over a crowd.

AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill

June 25th, 2009
10:15 am

I can deal with the texting if it is done through the day while I am at work or something,

Professor – I have no problem with it if we have established something, or have had some one on one convos.

My problem is, after the number are exchanged, you send a text instead of calling. You did whatever you did to get the number, then you send me a text limited to 160 characters. That hardly indicates you actually want to get to know me. It definitely indicates that you will put in as little work as possible and hope I’m dumb enough to fall for it.

SexyCool - The inmates are running the asylum.

June 25th, 2009
10:18 am

See, Taz, that’s what I’m talking about. THAT right there is MIA at its finest and where our are roots are. Real thought, real conversation conveyed in a real manner. None of all the ‘hear me roar’ drivel that we’ve fallen to as a rule.

I stand and applaud you.

Professor

June 25th, 2009
10:18 am

@ARed…I totally agree…that is why my last line read I feel that texting is a game all in itself…there are a few exceptions, but I was a Church once and the Pastor even spoke on it being a game and dudes just texting whatever..

AmazonRed™ - in SC signing the anti-sloppy pimpin bill

June 25th, 2009
10:19 am

I Was thinking this topic was more about when a guy wants to actually date a woman…with the intention of getting to know her…

It is…but we also recognize at the end of the day you want to get sex, in addition to our hopes and dreams.

We understand that many men are looking for a legitimate relatonship with a woman….and that sex is also what they want too. But in the early stages of meeting someone, the ones who give you the standard lines and games are not doing much to show you they want you for more than sex.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria...feeling more like Pandora :-)

June 25th, 2009
10:20 am

@ your 10:06….me,too AmRed….me,too :) :mrgreen: