Where is your label?
Sexual orientation can be a touchy topic among single people on the dating scene. Some people want to know immediately; some try to guess, while others make a fool of themselves with assumptions. Do you think it is rude and impolite to inquire about sexual orientation?
I am a pretty friendly person so a lot of times I like to get clarification about whether I am engaging in friendly chat with a stranger or if we are checking each other out for potential romance, number exchange, or whatever. I have simply asked outright. Not in a malicious way or to offend, I just put it out there so I can get clarity: Do you date women, men, or both?
Do you ask people their orientation when you first meet them? Have you ever been asked the “which team are you playing for” type of question? How did you react?
I have known women who consider themselves bisexual. I am not sure if it means anything, but they currently are seeking/are in relationships with men. Their attraction for women is still there and they openly tell men about their past experiences and it does not seem to impede them.
Guys, what do you think about women who have had relationships with both genders? Could you see yourself in a serious relationship with one?
Ladies, if a man admitted to having prior experiences with other men, is that an immediate turn off for you? Do you feel comfortable discussing this type of thing with someone you are getting to know?
What do you think about sexual labels: straight, gay, bisexual..etc. Are they necessary or not important?
Touchy topic, so let’s keep the discussion adult and clean.
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864 comments Add your comment
Spoiled Lioness-
June 24th, 2009
10:25 am
Kimmie- Yes ma’am! All that dancing with your homegirl mess is just that, MESS! Grow up & be a lady!
My man is exact way! A MAN.. I knew this dude that would take 45 minutes every time he took a shower.. I was like, What the heck are you washing?? He only used Carol’s Daughter products etc.. I was like, I feel sorry for the women you deal with dude!!
AmazonRed™ - Toning ↓ my sexy...
June 24th, 2009
10:26 am
I am SLOW cause you enjoy it?? HUH?
*hollers*
Spoiled Lioness-
June 24th, 2009
10:26 am
Sassy- I feel you but REALLY, what dude you think is going to HONESTLY tell you that they have been with men if they are trying to get with you??
Wise Diva
June 24th, 2009
10:26 am
Good morning everyone! Ok, so I am observing a lot of stereotypes of gay people. Do you agree that there is no real definite behavior, look, etc..for gay people? I don’t think they are monolithic.
Page1908
June 24th, 2009
10:27 am
LOL @ Rell and Lioness *ctfu*
Spoiled Lioness-
June 24th, 2009
10:28 am
Blah- I agree!
Ared- I am just saying..
For Real
June 24th, 2009
10:28 am
What up Blgo Fam!
First thing first, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A BI-SEXUAL MAN!!!
It’s a sad day that the question has to be asked of MEN. I have NOOO respect for men that choose to be gay and then try and hide it by getting involved with women. Make your choice and live with it!!!
Dan
June 24th, 2009
10:29 am
Good morning,
Would I have a problem dating a woman that likes women (like I like women)? NOOOooooo. In fact, it would be an added activity – just sitting at the mall/park/show checking out other chicks, like “Her,her right there, that’s your type?”
At the point that she’s chosen to be with me, her past has nothing to do with our present or future.
As for being asked about my sexuality, I have 100% never been asked that question.
Maybe it has something to do with the way I look at women when I talk to them. But being accused of promiscuity as much as I have (even at an initial meeting), must not eminate from me.
Wise Diva
June 24th, 2009
10:29 am
and for the record, I think it is hypocritical of women to sleep with multiple men with unreliable protection, yet they think that a bisexual man poses a bigger sexual threat. Just sayin’
kimmie(Sheree)
June 24th, 2009
10:29 am
Amred – That old “You didn’t ask” is the oldest player trick in the book! I found out from some cousins that went snooping for me that this guy I had been seeing for a year had a 4 yr old daughter. I thought it was crazy to keep that hidden, especially since she was born before we hooked up. He was paying child support but had nothing to do with the child. When I confronted him about it & why the big secret, that was his response – I didn’t ask. This is a guy I knew years before that I met back up with at a cousins wedding. When we reconnected & were catching up on things that had happened to us over the years, you would think an almost 40 yr old man would mention he had a child!
AmazonRed™ - Toning ↓ my sexy...
June 24th, 2009
10:29 am
blah, is there some type of behavior that we should look for question that we woman should be asking to tell?
Because we can ask a DL man straight up, but it’s not like we will get a truthful answer.
We can get tested together and be clean, but it doesn’t mean he won’t go out and get infected while he is with us.
I just don’t know what more we can do without being distrustful throughout the entire relationship, and that’s just no way to live.
Rell - master of the three screw
June 24th, 2009
10:30 am
CATLADY…i am not starting but you read slow…if i like anal sex….i am not fond of it..have i tried yep….does that make me gay?….lol..thats slow
how about there are more gay women out here married or otherwise then men…i meet them all the time with “girlfriends”…and i have been meeting and sleeping with bi women since my cali day…when i first seen/heard of the this…and this was back in the early 90’s…this is not a new thing
Rell - master of the three screw
June 24th, 2009
10:32 am
And women, claim ownership of your sex lives! – word
@page…ctfu…really…wow
@peanut gallery…i should have introduce my self on saturday…wonder if you would have had the same fire in person…doubt it !!!!
Grace
June 24th, 2009
10:32 am
My thing is, if you have a problem being asked your sexual preference these days then you are ashamed of what you’re doing. Ask me and I have no problem telling you I’m strickly *ickly, even though I sport a short and sassy hair do don’t get it twisted
Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria...feeling more like Pandora :-)
June 24th, 2009
10:33 am
Lioness it almost seems as though you either misunderstood what I posted or you may have missed the point. I posted to your 10:14 about it being written on the wall plain as day ’cause it isn’t. Let’s not throw a blanketed status quo statement about men lying b/c they ALL don’t do that(per blah’s 10:24). I simply stated that you can’t always tell and it’s obvious that some do lie,hence the AIDS epidemic disproportionately affecting AA women…that was my point. I understand you but Do you understand me now?….cool beans.
Wise Diva
June 24th, 2009
10:33 am
Alright now, Melo don’t start going off the deep end with your comments!
-W8©(thoroughbred... I dont play nor hate)
June 24th, 2009
10:35 am
EWWW EWWW EWWWWW
I honestly don’t know how I would react if I were asked if I were gay or on the DL. I used to not mind if a woman was a lesbian etc, but now If a woman tells me that she likes both why should I bother with her..I want a woman who likes men…umm me! I don’t know what a lesbian does for another woman so obviously I would never meet that need.
AmazonRed™ - Toning ↓ my sexy...
June 24th, 2009
10:36 am
Alright now, Melo don’t start going off the deep end with your comments!
WiseDiva – I bet the blog wizard is gonna be picky today!
Spoiled Lioness-
June 24th, 2009
10:37 am
Rell- How can you LIKE something & then not be fond of it?? That reads slow TO ME..
Pls don’t start thinking that everything is about YOU today cause I am DEFINITELY not typing anything to you!!!!
Also, I said TO ME!!! Dude You & I have NO interest in each other so why does it matter what I think? It was OBVIOUS what I was referring to! I am not asking any of my male friends about their sexual encounters.. Much better convos to be had..
AmazonRed™ - Toning ↓ my sexy...
June 24th, 2009
10:38 am
Lioness, first me, then melo…
You’ve got the juice today. I am hollering!!!
Professor
June 24th, 2009
10:38 am
Good Morning All:
I have asked the question before because this day and time you just don’t know, and I have had (I think maybe two or three guys ask me) the question before as well (like out of the blue). Well one guy actually told me he saw women looking at me and we were dining in Atlantic Station and when a group of ladies left they actually stopped by the table and paid me a compliment…after that he said he just wanted to know…
@Sassy I know remember Loretta’s and I had a male tell me the same thing about men giving better head.
@Lioness off topic…I really need to buy some yogurt…I am hungry now! As for the back door I agree with you on that one…if that is all a guy wants…well I think he is…never mind.
@ Mo I was in the Midwest (business trip) on yesterday and I heard you alredy got colorin books at hom whatcha gon do wit dem? Long story short Zone 3 was in Chicago I was LMAO.
blah
June 24th, 2009
10:38 am
Amazon, I would proceed in a search for love knowing that the world is not out to hurt you, That doesn’t mean hurt will not come, either in heterosexual heartbreak or homosexual deceit. But only an individual can find her or his proper balance between vulnerability and protection.
And have faith that the vast majority of men you are meeting are heterosexual, because most of them are. Even with heterosexual men, until you’ve reached a point in your relationship where you’ve discussed and feel comfortable having children, women should insist on their partners wearing condoms.
Dan
June 24th, 2009
10:39 am
@WD
I’m just saying. We’ve all known the “twan” of the orientation that is overtly gay. Then there are the dudes that are “off” in some way.
I don’t hold it as an immutable fact, but if I get a strange feeling or vibe from someone (male/female), I walk away. It’s not worth the hassle to find out later what your gut/spirit/body/soul was telling you initially.
For Real
June 24th, 2009
10:39 am
Anal Sex + Long Showers = GAY – WOW!!!!
Does the same apply to women?
MrHughes
June 24th, 2009
10:40 am
I wouldn’t say never on there being bi-sexual men. I’ve heard of men who have slept with women, but also sleep with men. It’s concievable that there are men that enjoy sleeping with both sexes. I’m sure there are bi-sexual men. Not everyone is so into labels and what not.
I really don’t care too much about what a person has done in the past. If I am with them now, then what’s the difference. That doesn’t mean I don’t protect myself. Btw, if you think asking someone if they’ve ever had a gay/lesbian experience before having unprotected sex with them is a “sound” strategy, then someone needs to have remedial health classes. Also, call me simple, as a hetrosexual man, but I don’t think a girl is going to give me her number and go out on dates with me if she’s a lesbian ie: not interested. No one is really that hard up for a free meal. You can just tell when people have sexual chemistry and it’s beyond friendship.
It’s kinda like asking a woman her “number”. Who cares!! She may raise her number to seem more experienced because she’s concerned about how experienced you are. On the other hand, she may lower it because she doesn’t want to seem loose. Dumb double standard, but we all know it exists. I’ve been with women who have been bi-curious. It didn’t matter to me. So, I really don’t see why should it matter to a woman unless the man is sneaking around and being dishonest in the present.
Spoiled Lioness-
June 24th, 2009
10:40 am
Sassy- I initially skimmed your post & replied.. I got your point & respect your words ALWAYS
BLATino..... yes, THAT dude... Now Married, lil girl comin, learning a whole NEW game for the MLB
June 24th, 2009
10:40 am
I’m with DK, no such thing as a bisexual dude…. If lips or balls touch, you’ve crossed a line and you ain’t comin back. Your doors to MLB HeadQuarters are closed.
…….. now as far as the ladies, I’m down for dating a girl that can enjoy another girl as much as me…. but she betta like me more!
Who brought breakfast today???
Melo
June 24th, 2009
10:41 am
Alright now, Melo don’t start going off the deep end with your comments
what i do WD??
i reaaly really want to meet u coz u seem nice tho!
AmazonRed™ - Toning ↓ my sexy...
June 24th, 2009
10:43 am
blah, thank you for your response. That’s pretty much how I proceed anyway.
But there is a “pollyanna” side to me, which is why I have half a mind to hire a PI before the wedding just to be sure.
I’m kidding on the PI…kind of.
ask questions
June 24th, 2009
10:43 am
i agree that it is not always known visibly if a man is gay or not. but their are some other signs. i dated someone before who was extra pressed about anal sex. it got to the point that we argued about it almost daily. now on the outside, he was a stereotypical masculine looking dude but i thought it odd that he was so adamant something like anal sex b/c it’s not like we weren’t having sex. oh, and might i add that he also worked at a jail…which made him even more suspect. well, long story short, we wound up breaking up over that. it got to be too much of an issue for me. months later, i found out i contracted herpes….from this fool. so please be careful w/these men and women out here. most of the time they are doing/did much more than they’ll ever tell.
Dan
June 24th, 2009
10:44 am
@blah
That was a profound statement. It bears repeating:
….proceed in a search for love knowing that the world is not out to hurt you, That doesn’t mean hurt will not come, either in heterosexual heartbreak or homosexual deceit. But only an individual can find her or his proper balance between vulnerability and protection.
Between vulnerability and protection…..wow!
kimmie(Sheree)
June 24th, 2009
10:44 am
Dan – Your 10:39 – I could not agree more!! When I am “spoken to”, I listen!!
Spoiled Lioness-
June 24th, 2009
10:44 am
Professor- Go to Publix & get the Fat Free Stoneyfield Plain Yogurt.. About to eat mine Now! Where in flying Heack have you been lady
Melo- My man is not so I could a flying pluck if YOU are disappointed
Spoiled Lioness-
June 24th, 2009
10:47 am
Kimmie- That dude was an IDIOT!! He didn’t tell you he had a kid cause you didn’t ask?? They still make people like that? WOW!!
Wise Diva
June 24th, 2009
10:47 am
big warm welcome to Mr. Blah! Thanks for your comments, hope to hear more from you
Beautiful
June 24th, 2009
10:48 am
beautiful morning to to y’all!
congratulations BLATINO!
hey ISLANDGIRL! chick where you been?
Spoiled Lioness-
June 24th, 2009
10:48 am
Terry McMillan(sp?) & Star Jones puzzled the CRAP out of me!!
Wise Diva
June 24th, 2009
10:48 am
Lioness, you officially get the pitbull in a skirt moniker, which is so hilarious to me because that is what they used to call me on here, well that or jazzy mouth LOL!
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 24th, 2009
10:49 am
We are definitely going off the tracks today..
Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria...feeling more like Pandora :-)
June 24th, 2009
10:49 am
@Sassy I know remember Loretta’s and I had a male tell me the same thing about men giving better head.
Professor Loretta’s was a hell of a learning experience b/c it opened my eyes to the fluidity of the “boundaries” around the typical gay stereotypes….there are none. What troubled me the most was that if you were to see some of those men on the streets you just would not know. I felt safe at the club b/c the man I was with was gay and he knew the owner so I danced, drank and had a good time(after I stopped trippin’) but I left that club a changed woman when thinking about gay or DL brothers in the “A”.
Lioness thank you.
Johnny
June 24th, 2009
10:49 am
I do just about any female that doesn’t smell bad.
kimmie(Sheree)
June 24th, 2009
10:51 am
It didn’t matter to me. So, I really don’t see why should it matter to a woman unless the man is sneaking around and being dishonest in the present.
Mr. Hughes – Maybe you need to read the HIV stats quoted in Sassy’s 9:32 & 10:22 posts. And the PAST can come back to haunt!
Staceye AKA Black Mamba AKA Xiomara
June 24th, 2009
10:51 am
SASSY…I am all for hanging at a gay club here to see and remember faces so if they try to approach me pretending to be straight they will be put on blast. I had gay/lesbian friends back home and I’d go to the clubs with them and you’d be amazed at who was flip switchin’…backdoor batting…fudge packing, etc.
So since I moved to ATL and see the amount of homosexuality that is being kept secret…it scares me. I do nto have a problem if you are gay. My problem are the bi-sexual ones who go any way the wind blows. Choose your poison and stick to it. Double dippin’ is disgusting. I am very up front so I will ask a guy ina heartbeat, ” are gay, bi, tri…have you had an sexual encounter with a man? That includes giving, receiving, batting, catching with anybody born male…even if they looked female at the time?” That way…I cover all my angles. You’d be amazed who thinks that because thear just receiving brain from a dude they are not gay. Or those who think because their d00kie chute remains untouched but they are the pole in the hole to another dude…they are not gay. UGH…give me a break…you are GAY! Admit it!
I have had the ex who kept trying to get me to do a 3some. He got cursed out all the time. As so perfectly put by MO….I’m not cat burglar! 
Then I had one that asked me about anal….oh he was dismissed effective immediately. Any guy trying to do me in the culo instead of the proper spot is suspect to me. I will tell him…let me stick something up your butt and you tell me how it feels. Last time I checked mine is built just like yours…for exit only. And I you think you will not like it…why the hellz do you think I would? Wat di rass….battybuoy!
ARED…”We can get tested together and be clean, but it doesn’t mean he won’t go out and get infected while he is with us”…I say this all the time. It’s creepy!
LIONESS..I dance in the circle with my girls because I actually care to dance at a club….not have some dude I do not know walk up behind me and get his free rocks off by grinding on my pretty brown round!
If you want to dance..then do it. Otherwise..step back and leave it to the pro’s!
BLATino..... yes, THAT dude... Now Married, lil girl comin, learning a whole NEW game for the MLB
June 24th, 2009
10:54 am
**I do just about any female that doesn’t smell bad.**
Bru, that comment will be hung ceremoniously on the MLB’s Hall of Wisdom.
kimmie(Sheree)
June 24th, 2009
10:54 am
Lioness – He was the only man I have ever cussed out in my life. And I cussed him out like a sailor!LOL!!
Spoiled Lioness-
June 24th, 2009
10:54 am
Diva-
Melo- How did you miss that??
AmazonRed™ - Toning ↓ my sexy...
June 24th, 2009
10:54 am
i reaaly really want to meet u coz u seem nice tho!
Beautiful
June 24th, 2009
10:54 am
@MELO
nevermind man, do u. i’ll just skip you for the rest of the day.
Spoiled Lioness-
June 24th, 2009
10:55 am
Kimmie- NO!!! **clutching my pearls w/ mouth WIDE OPEN**
AmazonRed™ - Toning ↓ my sexy...
June 24th, 2009
10:56 am
melo is soooooooo fired for his 10:48!!!