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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Where is your label?

Sexual orientation can be a touchy topic among single people on the dating scene. Some people want to know immediately; some try to guess, while others make a fool of themselves with assumptions. Do you think it is rude and impolite to inquire about sexual orientation?

I am a pretty friendly person so a lot of times I like to get clarification about whether I am engaging in friendly chat with a stranger or if we are checking each other out for potential romance, number exchange, or whatever. I have simply asked outright. Not in a malicious way or to offend, I just put it out there so I can get clarity: Do you date women, men, or both?

Do you ask people their orientation when you first meet them? Have you ever been asked the “which team are you playing for” type of question? How did you react?

I have known women who consider themselves bisexual. I am not sure if it means anything, but they currently are seeking/are in relationships with men. Their attraction for women is still there and they openly tell men about their past experiences and it does not seem to impede them.

Guys, what do you think about women who have had relationships with both genders? Could you see yourself in a serious relationship with one?

Ladies, if a man admitted to having prior experiences with other men, is that an immediate turn off for you? Do you feel comfortable discussing this type of thing with someone you are getting to know?

What do you think about sexual labels: straight, gay, bisexual..etc. Are they necessary or not important?

Touchy topic, so let’s keep the discussion adult and clean.

864 comments Add your comment

Spoiled Lioness- Been Keeping It 100 Since Birth!

June 24th, 2009
2:55 pm

Cee- Be careful if you do get one!!

Cafe

June 24th, 2009
2:56 pm

@Dan – I agree with you dude! They are only similar as a “Fight for justice and equality”. I do think it is unconstitional that I am not afforded the same legal aspects as a heterosexual couple in the event of a marriage. I have no legal protection against spending 30 years with someone – as in the heterosexual community. I have my own and she would have her own but what happens when (if I ever find her) she and I decide to consolidate to make loving each other financially easier? Although, if I had a partner, I could put her on my Domestic Partnership form at work but would she be considered a legal beneficiary (without a will) should something happen to me? These are just issues that married heterosexual’s don’t generally have to worry about (to my knowledge). I don’t worry about them either as all the women I’ve dated have “their own” but it is part of the “fight for equality”.

abc

June 24th, 2009
2:56 pm

Of course you feel like that about it, Beautiful. Women (in this country, at least) are raised to be that way. Perhaps the disconnect with expecting that a man would answer your questions about things that he’d consider none of your business — at least until he knew you better or just plain felt like it — is that you’d expect a man to be more forthcoming than a woman, because by and large, they are.

Unless they’re Sallies to begin with, like a chick with a package.

Jamoca

June 24th, 2009
2:57 pm

Auntie Leggs, why I gotstuh’ hursh??? Here, spin this while you take pride in ya’ lemon rollin’ goat herdin’ skills…I can see ya’ll now…Uncle DK and Auntie Leggs doing grown folks bid-ness. LOL

Si-sta-soul
(You must be my soulsista, soulsista)
Si-sta-soul
(Hey sis, you must be my soulsista, soulsista)
Si-sta-soul
(Hey sis, you must be my soulsistaaa)
Si-sta-soul

Verse 2
You are so fine
(Like spaces that fall in my soul)
See baby that has no rhyme
Do you like how it feels
when I smoke you out
head down to your toes
Making you scream and shout
You must be my soulsista, soulsista

kimmie(Sheree)

June 24th, 2009
2:57 pm

W8 – Well we can just be small-minded and ignorant together then!!!LOL!!

Amred – That friend thing – that’s unfortunate. It’s an awful feeling, I know.

PG/Dan – Can yall give a hint of what justice that is? Initials will do.

blah

June 24th, 2009
2:58 pm

Dan, I have to disagree, specifically with the constitutionality of the hate directed at both groups. Black people were made 3/5 of a person in the constitution. Gay people, across this nation, have been repudiated in state constitutions via anti-marriage amendments. Of course, people will view marriage as a luxury or something that doesn’t deny the existence of gay people, but it is still an extremely powerful expression of discrimination for a government to include it in it’s constitution, no matter who it is directed at, for whatever reason.

I think there is no value in “comparing” discrimination, to see who has it worse. And I think that’s the trap we fall into as gay people, saying our discrimination is the same as other people’s, and the mistake we make as black people, believeing we have a patent on discrimination. Discrimination comes in many unique forms.

The main problem I have with gay people comparing our struggle to blacks is that many, many gay people have absolutely no interest in equality and ending discrimination, they have no interest in the black civil rights movement, until it can be used to boolster their case. That is insulting and misguided. On the flip side, as black people who have endured outright discrimination and subtle oppression, I think we could show more empathy to a group that is enduring outright discrimination and subtle oppression, and it quiet honestly hurts that so many of my brothers and sisters reject our reject our experience or belittle our oppression, simply because they have not endured it firsthand.

Dan

June 24th, 2009
2:58 pm

@W8

Hoover was gay, and everyone in the government knew.

@ARed

Don’t dim the light that is you, because of the actions of the uncouth. You ain’t shy in the manner (or vehemence) of rejecting cats outta hand, so don’t give anyone that power to let you think of changing.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria...feeling more like Pandora :-)

June 24th, 2009
2:59 pm

Jamoca where is Bilal anyway?…..luvs me some Soul Sista, that’s a nice jam. :)

SexyCool - Laughing again.

June 24th, 2009
2:59 pm

My2 – As requested….

Btcha$$ness is a threat to our community.
You are licensed to address it with impunity,
To be a vigilante for the cause,
Strike it down without pause.

I’m expecting you to douse that flame.
Because I will assign blame to
and won’t fail to name you
if you cannot get the job done.

I will lay hands
and drag your face in the sand
if you cannot meet my demands.
If I do not stop you,
If I do not thoat chop you,
If I do not kick drop you,
You just may might the point.

So, listen up good,
When you come to my hood,
Playa, toe the line,
And I won’t pull my nine
and no one will take a trip to the joint.

Cemeeli

June 24th, 2009
2:59 pm

Ladies

You know what i don’t appreciate? When the “buff” guys that work out in the gym and come standing in your “space” suggesting what you need to do to up your work-out to get the most out of it…and then CHANGE his whole vocal tone – “Do you work out at home?” & “Will your man be upset if i met you after work?”….Negro please get that game on…your ego is a lil bigger than the pecks you keep tyring to flex in that “fit tight” oxford shirt.

Go to your floor and WORK!

…The madness lives…

Jamoca

June 24th, 2009
3:00 pm

Cee – chick, you know by now Jamoca ain’t neva scared. You on the other hand may have to get that permission slip signed first by yours truly. Teeheeeheee

I don’t care how long it’s been…like riding a bike, you never truly forget. ;)

Tazzee - countdown to NFL season

June 24th, 2009
3:00 pm

AmRed – did you tell your friend that he hit on you? That SHMB! I’ve never had a friend’s guy hit on me but I’ve had an ex of my sister hit on me. It was just gross or perhaps I should say EWWWWWWWW!

Leggs (Karyn)

June 24th, 2009
3:01 pm

@ARed, I’m posting your entire post again – @ARed, why you toning down your sexy??? Don’t do that.

Because now all guys want to do is sleep with me. They’re not even subtle about it anymore or disguise it up with dating first! I’m not even trying to have sex at all now, cuz really it’s lost its appeal.

Then to top it off, my friend’s boyfriend hit on me and that just sucks. I’m pissed. — I’ve been saying this for quite some time now. I’d be damned if I stop being sexy. I try not to come across as conceit, but now you understand what I’m saying. As long as you recognize that that is all they want, you can easily, truly, keep it moving. Take the backhand compliment and roll out. Don’t let that bother you, just syh and be sexy for yourself. I’m sexy for me and my confidence is palpable. Remain true to who you are. Don’t let these horny arse men out here stop you from being you. In my mind’s eye, I’m sexy (although I’ve been told often) and right now only my opinion matters! Up that sexiness. So, please change your arrow! I pump myself up every morning and I stay positive for the most part.

SexyCool - Laughing again.

June 24th, 2009
3:01 pm

You just may MISS the point.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria...feeling more like Pandora :-)

June 24th, 2009
3:02 pm

blah I am soo loving your posts….it’s good to have another view from the male perspective and your thoughts are sincere and very poigant. Intelligence is HAWT….

M'

June 24th, 2009
3:02 pm

There are similarities in the objective of the struggle to attain recognition of rights in both the in the AA Civil Rights Movement and the Gay Rights Movement…and ppl are prone to draw a broad analogy in justifying one based on the successful precedence of the other…and yes there are inherent differences too that make each agenda specific to a motivation unrelated to the other…the main thing that both movements have in common is that they are both based in the belief that inalienable rights are being denied to a group of ppl by either racial or sexual preference discrimination…this usually produces an “empathetic” collective of support in groups with similar histories…hence why some ppl (IMO) perceive and express them as similar and equal experiences without really looking into or at the differences between the two…similar and different.

Poppa Grande

June 24th, 2009
3:02 pm

W8

I am just saying that there may have been one already.

J. Edgar Hoover is rumored to have been a racist homosexual. However, there wasn’t TMZ, CNN, Perez Hilton, etc to put really put him out on blast. Back then secrets could be kept even through really public things.

I feel that FDR couldn’t be elected as pres. in the age of TV. He was able to hide the fact he couldn’t walk. He always practiced standing. Most pictures don’t show his wheelchair. It was during the radio age. So, he could get away with it. No one could see that he was unable to walk.

It could be hidden in the past. Going forward,though, you are correct because it can’ tstay hidden to the public. Think of the NJ governor a few years back.

Kym-may still be under the effects of the Texas Gold-nawww

June 24th, 2009
3:02 pm

@Cafe please don’t back peddle now..you came on here with your rainbow flag waving and said point blank black and gays are in the same boat. Seriously I know plenty of gay folks and as PG pointed out they are not hurting for money..they have shared income and no one has said to them sorry you can’t move in out neighborhood or property values will go down. If anything they are fighting like hell to keep blacks out of their own little corners of the universe..(I can name some locations in the Atl). I know gay people who can adopt while a black mother has to fight to hold on and raise her children. I don’t actually see the jails over run with gay males(well not until they get in there) but that’s a whole other Oprah.

mytw♥cents...la di da di

June 24th, 2009
3:03 pm

I likes that one, DK…

Hmmm- a goat for LEGGS, a serpent for JAMOCA, but what kinda beast for me. MOCA, you know all the phallic symbols, doncha? Look into your crystal ball n tell me whatcu see. Tee hee hee

AmazonRed™ - Toning ↓ my sexy...

June 24th, 2009
3:03 pm

so don’t give anyone that power to let you think of changing.

Dan – It’s more like changing back. This is the first summer after my pole dancing class stint. The confidence is higher, the body is more toned, so the heels have gotten higher and the skirts a little shorter. I probably should have enjoyed this more in my 20s anyway, but I was too conservative back then.

Anywhoo, I went out to some event and wore one of those Kim Kardashian red carpet type outfits and every dude in the room complimented me, even the married ones. I figured I was giving off mistress vibes. So clearly they ain’t ready. :lol:

kimmie(Sheree)

June 24th, 2009
3:04 pm

Sister Cee – To stay true to topic, did you ask him would HIS MAN be upset?!! Funny!LOL!! By the way, whatcha think about the recipe?

Beautiful

June 24th, 2009
3:04 pm

@ABC
i’m gonna speak for myself on this here. but if a dude steps to me to get at me and i accept him, doesn’t that speak volumns?

the only unanswered question would be is he on the DL, right? and that is something he’s not going to tell me on his own. i would find that out by coming home early.

THE INFAMOUS DK

June 24th, 2009
3:04 pm

She’s got legs, she knows how to use them.
She never begs, she knows how to choose them.
She’s holdin’ leg wonderin’ how to feel them.
Would you get behind them if you could only find them?
She’s my baby, she’s my baby,
yeah, it’s alright.
She’s got hair down to her fanny.
She’s kinda jet set, try undo her panties.
Everytime she’s dancin’ she knows what to do.
Everybody wants to see if she can use it.
She’s so fine, she’s all mine,
girl, you got it right.
She’s got legs, she knows how to use them.
She never begs, she knows how to choose them.
She’s got a dime all of the time,
stays out at night movin’ through time.
Oh, I want her, I got to have her,
the girl is alright, she’s alright.

Melo

June 24th, 2009
3:05 pm

BO is too cool to be str8!

Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria...feeling more like Pandora :-)

June 24th, 2009
3:05 pm

Blah I meant it honestly…we don’t have to play on the same team for me to compliment you ’cause it’s genuine…but your posts are very good reading.

Jack Smiley

June 24th, 2009
3:05 pm

You will know my orientation when my goat nibbles on your ear when I’m tagging it.

Poppa Grande

June 24th, 2009
3:05 pm

AR

You can’t tone down your sexy. You would have to know what a man finds sexy in you.

There are times that I’ve found a chick in a baseball cap and sweatpants sexy. It can be a number of things and each guy can find different things sexy about you.

In other words, you’d have to stop being you. Is it really worth that?

AmazonRed™ - Toning ↓ my sexy...

June 24th, 2009
3:06 pm

AmRed – did you tell your friend that he hit on you? That SHMB! I’ve never had a friend’s guy hit on me

Tazzee – I have NEVER had such a thing happen for me either.

Yes, I told her, and lets just say, it didn’t make much of a difference. *sigh*

Spoiled Lioness- Been Keeping It 100 Since Birth!

June 24th, 2009
3:06 pm

Kym- :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: @ you came on here with your rainbow flag waving

Ared- :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: @ I figured I was giving off mistress vibes.

Spoiled Lioness- Been Keeping It 100 Since Birth!

June 24th, 2009
3:07 pm

Ared- Yes, I told her, and lets just say, it didn’t make much of a difference… WHAT?? WOW

-W8©(thoroughbred... I dont play nor hate)

June 24th, 2009
3:07 pm

@Dan- Was Hoover a President? Yes Herbert Hoover was a president but the Hoover you are talking about was J.Edgar and he wasnt a president, he was the Director of the FBI (and yes it was rumored that he was gay). I said there would never be a gay President and I also said that there are plenty of gay in Federal leadership position. So what does he have to do with my statement?

AmazonRed™ - Toning ↓ my sexy...

June 24th, 2009
3:07 pm

In other words, you’d have to stop being you. Is it really worth that?

PG – Like I said, I’ve changed up the way I dress a bit and it’s causing too much of a stir.

I may think it’s classy and not too suggestive, but maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s “street walker”

Cuz really, it’s at a level of ridiculousness that I’ve never encountered before.

Cemeeli

June 24th, 2009
3:07 pm

Jamoca Yeah.

Melo

June 24th, 2009
3:08 pm

but what kinda beast for mytwo?

a serpent.Manipulative, like the one that coerced, gulled and lulled Adam and Eve to do the do.
Always the shyyt starter,but neva present to see the fallout!

Beautiful

June 24th, 2009
3:08 pm

@AMAZON
i personally would tell my friend. i feel it would be my obligation to do so.

kimmie(Sheree)

June 24th, 2009
3:09 pm

Ared- Yes, I told her, and lets just say, it didn’t make much of a difference…

Why am I not surprised?

Cemeeli

June 24th, 2009
3:09 pm

Kimmie I am rollin’ at you girl! lol….Okay WHY have i not gotten the Lemonade memo?

Cafe

June 24th, 2009
3:10 pm

@KYM – maybe certain forms of discrimination has not occurred in Atlanta but in other parts of the country they have. I think the primary reason I moved to the ATL because it doesn’t matter here. In Atlanta, everyone is just trying to reach the American dream and have some fun along the way. Other parts of America – it does matter. As an AA Lesbian, I have experienced discrimination for being both AA and being lesbian, and the result is the same – justification of equal treatment required.

Spoiled Lioness- Been Keeping It 100 Since Birth!

June 24th, 2009
3:10 pm

Kimmie- So Sad :(

AmazonRed™ - Toning ↓ my sexy...

June 24th, 2009
3:10 pm

Angie – I told her. Pay attention.

And dude is lucky he’s still breathing. :lol:

Poppa Grande

June 24th, 2009
3:11 pm

Kimmie

Your hint – Sotomayor is the nominated to replace this justice.

abc

June 24th, 2009
3:11 pm

Not the 3/5’s compromise again. Go look that up, okay? It isn’t anything like what you think it is, obviously, blah.

Beautiful

June 24th, 2009
3:11 pm

my girlfriends come first. i can give a rats azz about their husbands/boyfriends.

BLATino..... yes, THAT dude... Now Married, lil girl comin, learning a whole NEW game for the MLB.........and STILL a LESBIAN

June 24th, 2009
3:12 pm

umm Sassy, BLAH likes Dudes. Don’t get ur hopes up, lol.

blah

June 24th, 2009
3:12 pm

Thank you sassy…I appreciate the love and the respectful conversation about a touchy and difficult topic.

Spoiled Lioness- Been Keeping It 100 Since Birth!

June 24th, 2009
3:12 pm

CAfe- I think the primary reason I moved to the ATL because it doesn’t matter here.<– I couldn’t BELIEVE this when I moved here cause I SURE wasn’t expecting it!! Kind of made me sick to my stomach to see how WIDELY accepted it was & that was 5 years ago..

AmazonRed™ - Toning ↓ my sexy...

June 24th, 2009
3:13 pm

And another dude throws away his career over the power of the puddy.

Don’t let the door hit you Gov. Sanford, you d*ckweed!!!

Cemeeli

June 24th, 2009
3:13 pm

Whoever have their ipod list playing…if you have John Legend’s “Evolver” – Track #1. Turn to that song “It’s Over” and jam with me PLEASE.

I am so chair dancing right now….lol :)

Beautiful

June 24th, 2009
3:13 pm

**Pay attention**

heffa i am! you postin’ too dayum fast.

Spoiled Lioness- Been Keeping It 100 Since Birth!

June 24th, 2009
3:14 pm

Ared- What is he doing for her that makes her so accepting? Does she think you are lying?