Where is your label?
Sexual orientation can be a touchy topic among single people on the dating scene. Some people want to know immediately; some try to guess, while others make a fool of themselves with assumptions. Do you think it is rude and impolite to inquire about sexual orientation?
I am a pretty friendly person so a lot of times I like to get clarification about whether I am engaging in friendly chat with a stranger or if we are checking each other out for potential romance, number exchange, or whatever. I have simply asked outright. Not in a malicious way or to offend, I just put it out there so I can get clarity: Do you date women, men, or both?
Do you ask people their orientation when you first meet them? Have you ever been asked the “which team are you playing for” type of question? How did you react?
I have known women who consider themselves bisexual. I am not sure if it means anything, but they currently are seeking/are in relationships with men. Their attraction for women is still there and they openly tell men about their past experiences and it does not seem to impede them.
Guys, what do you think about women who have had relationships with both genders? Could you see yourself in a serious relationship with one?
Ladies, if a man admitted to having prior experiences with other men, is that an immediate turn off for you? Do you feel comfortable discussing this type of thing with someone you are getting to know?
What do you think about sexual labels: straight, gay, bisexual..etc. Are they necessary or not important?
Touchy topic, so let’s keep the discussion adult and clean.
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864 comments Add your comment
Poppa Grande
June 24th, 2009
2:06 pm
And like Forest Gump said, “That’s all that I have to say about that”.
blah
June 24th, 2009
2:06 pm
Kym, I gave it an honest try, feel free to continue hating me as you please.
Cemeeli
June 24th, 2009
2:08 pm
PoppaG Please. I too say, just stay in your lane….I’m pro-lane.
SexyCool thank ya!
Melo
June 24th, 2009
2:08 pm
We felt so bad about his frquent beatings
Ared,try teaching a kid calculus,english,history etc with that beating method and they will be worse for it.
Counselling and luv and prayer.But then again,the person has to want to pray and such,understanding that gay/lesbo is against the bible hence sin!
(uall trying to bring the deacon in me??)
AmazonRed™ - Toning ↓ my sexy...
June 24th, 2009
2:09 pm
I see Baton Bob marching around Midtown proudly in wedding gowns or majorette uniforms regularly
PG –
I’ve only seen his pictures!!!
Dan
June 24th, 2009
2:10 pm
@PG
I think blah presented a very cogent argument at 1:45.
D’you see it?
Poppa Grande
June 24th, 2009
2:12 pm
AR
I’ve actually spoken to him. He isn’t shy at all. He poses for pictures and everything. He was talking to the producers of Will & Grace about a show. I don’t know what became of that, though.
Kym
June 24th, 2009
2:13 pm
@blah That statement right there is “itchazz” at its finest. You don’t agree with me so you hate me. Dude take a seat next Angie/Beautiful cause that is classic for her too. “Continue hating me..” Who in the hell are you for me to waste my time hating you. I don’t even know you..your boy’s comment offended me and I let it be known. Black and gay people are the same..you sucking on something for real and it is not dizzle.
AmazonRed™ - Toning ↓ my sexy...
June 24th, 2009
2:13 pm
He isn’t shy at all.
You don’t say???
http://thevitalvoice.com/2003/2003_0425%20Issue/artwork/Bob-sidewalk-web.jpg
Yeah, I don’t think homie would classify as “shy!”
mytw♥cents...la di da di
June 24th, 2009
2:14 pm
JAMOCAhhhhh (said in the voice of MELO). Did you tangle with the venomous ssssserpent last night? Rrrrrrrrrrah lololololololol
SEXYCOOL (Raising hand like 3rd grader pleading pick me, pick me!) Can today’s word be boxcutter? Or what about ‘throat-chop’? I await your prose…
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 24th, 2009
2:14 pm
Now I cant agree when it comes to the Black experience to the Gay experience. I can see why some would want to make the comparision but its not the same. A Gay Man is a Man, but a Black Man was 1/3 of a Man and sometimes still treated as such. There is nothing on the planets history that can equate to slavery and I mean as far back as BC times. For a person to be treated like a aninmal has to be the worst.
Spoiled Lioness- Been Keeping It 100 Since Birth!
June 24th, 2009
2:15 pm
Melo- I was wondering the same as you with your 1:40 comment..
blah
June 24th, 2009
2:15 pm
Poppa Grande, I respect your discomfort with comparisons between black and gay, and I will refrain from making such comparisons. I believe the case for gay rights must, and can, stand on its own.
Several interesting points: Baton Bob — free as a bird, victim of a gay bashing.
Gay people hiding their sexual orientation don’t hurt society — but they inflict tremendous damage on themselves. Imagine going through your life believing your love is too disgusting to share with anyone but your partners — that you can’t put a picture of your partner on your desk, or lean over and give your partner a a kiss of love if the feeling strikes you.
The problem so many people have with gay rights is that they assume its all about the right to kiss each other and butt hump. People are obsessed with gay sex that they can’t even begin to see the dignity that we are denied on a daily basis.
Imagine, any of you, waking up one morning and learning that 76 percent of your neighbors, of your fellow citizens, in a land where everyone is supposed to be free, had gone to the ballot box and voted to say that you are not equal, you are not deserving of what we deserve. It is shameful.
Melo
June 24th, 2009
2:15 pm
then why do straight parents produce gay children?
why are some kids brite others no so bright etc,thats what u asking??
so let kids be kids and whoatever they wanna be.
lame??!! I think.
-W8©(thoroughbred... I dont play nor hate)
June 24th, 2009
2:15 pm
@Ce- the chopper is in the back
AmazonRed™ - Toning ↓ my sexy...
June 24th, 2009
2:15 pm
This is a good time to pub the “America I Am” Exhibit at the Atlanta Civic Center! Riviting!!!
Spoiled Lioness- Been Keeping It 100 Since Birth!
June 24th, 2009
2:16 pm
Kym:
I guess it is Kym’s turn now!!
Mytwo- You listening to Crystal Waters?
i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)
June 24th, 2009
2:17 pm
“Tell me about an example where u saw a male dogg,cow/ox,donkey,horse,lion,zebra,u name it..etc phlucking another male dog,not “trying””!!!”
So, Melo — if another dude tries to suck your wang — is that not gay?
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 24th, 2009
2:17 pm
Blah/Cafe – Can I enlighten you for a moment. You might not wanna rush those marriage rights.. Its not all its cracked up to be. I’m just saying.
-W8©(thoroughbred... I dont play nor hate)
June 24th, 2009
2:17 pm
Fellas, I said FELLAS. How would you feel if your son was born gay..or grew into being gay or however that happens.
Poppa Grande
June 24th, 2009
2:17 pm
Dan
I saw it but it is really different IMO.
Opponent may be the same, but homosexual can hide until they are ready to face that opponent.
Most blacks are out in the open and that opponent can see us. We are forced to face it whether we are prepared or not. There were plenty of blacks that were/are scared. Hiding isn’t really an option for most.
The DL ones make it tough for me to buy the argument.
mytw♥cents...la di da di
June 24th, 2009
2:18 pm
ATLANTANS My apologies, that shoulda read THOAT…
Cemeeli
June 24th, 2009
2:19 pm
I got the Kenwood hot….
Spoiled Lioness- Been Keeping It 100 Since Birth!
June 24th, 2009
2:20 pm
W8- My mom said she would diswon him if she had a son.. I was like DAAAYYUUUMMM MA!
Kym-may still be under the effects of the Texas Gold-nawww
June 24th, 2009
2:20 pm
Oh and for the EEEO know it all…
Under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), and the Age Discrimination in Employment Act (ADEA), it is illegal to discriminate in any aspect of employment, including:
hiring and firing;
compensation, assignment, or classification of employees;
transfer, promotion, layoff, or recall;
job advertisements;
recruitment;
testing;
use of company facilities;
training and apprenticeship programs;
fringe benefits;
pay, retirement plans, and disability leave; or
other terms and conditions of employment.
Discriminatory practices under these laws also include:
harassment on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, national origin, disability, or age; retaliation against an individual for filing a charge of discrimination, participating in an investigation, or opposing discriminatory practices;
employment decisions based on stereotypes or assumptions about the abilities, traits, or performance of individuals of a certain sex, race, age, religion, or ethnic group, or individuals with disabilities; and denying employment opportunities to a person because of marriage to, or association with, an individual of a particular race, religion, national origin, or an individual with a disability.
Title VII also prohibits discrimination because of participation in schools or places of worship associated with a particular racial, ethnic, or religious group.
Spoiled Lioness- Been Keeping It 100 Since Birth!
June 24th, 2009
2:21 pm
Kym- I see you are ALL for this topic today
-W8©(thoroughbred... I dont play nor hate)
June 24th, 2009
2:22 pm
Bout to let them fly
Dan
June 24th, 2009
2:22 pm
@ARed
I’m going to see that Saturday actually, I’ve heard it was good.
@blah
I think your 1:45 said it best.
Being gay and being Black are not the same, for reasons that you’ve stated quite nicely.
But can you see where as a Black Man, I would have a problem with that comparison?
If you can, and with the very argument you’ve made, spread the word.
You have a lot of Black people on your side for your individual freedoms, but this argument dulls the steam of every other point.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts
Poppa Grande
June 24th, 2009
2:22 pm
blah
Gay people hiding their sexual orientation don’t hurt society
Yes, it does. Especially in the realm of relationships, it has been written on this blog today that women don’t expect a truthful answer when they ask about sexual orientation. They means that many females go into meeting a guy (whether he is homosexual or not) lacking trust of the guy in something that could very well kill them.
It is just one of many issues of trust that have women have developed in regards to men.
MrHughes
June 24th, 2009
2:22 pm
@Kimmie (Sheree)
I know plenty about HIV stats as I’ve worked in public health. With that said, I still really don’t see why should it matter to a woman unless the man is sneaking around and being dishonest in the present.
My point was that if a dude is knowingly sleeping with women while having HIV or any other STD and not letting them know he’s being dishonest. Actually, having sexual contact with anyone while knowingly having a STD is dishonest and in the case of something like HIV is criminal.
But, you are right… the past can come back to haunt you. But, the best way to keep the past from haunting you is to protect yourself. Way too many folks have unprotected sex these days. That’s inexcusable in 2009 and has nothing to do with the DL.
If I even were to consider having unprotected sex with someone we would have been together for several years and gotten tests together several times to ensure we both had clean bills of health. If someone gets over on you by sneaking out after that standard (testing clean) then there are issues of trust and accountability in the relationship. In other words, maybe that wasn’t a person you should have been messing around with. We all know in our gut when someone isn’t up to no good. The problem is that most of us ignore the signs.
Anyway, this topic was about labels… I’m disturbed by some of the homophobia I’m seeing on this blog today. Does enjoying anal sex + long showers + having gone to a gay club + working in an industry where there’s a plethora of homosexuals/homosexual activity = gay? Should a man be disqualified as a suitable partner just because he’s checked one of those boxes? What about men who’ve been sexually abused? What would people be saying if some of these things were said about black people? I know of men who won’t mess with women who’ve slept with a black man. What do people think of that label?
Honestly, both stances seem small minded to me…
Kym-may still be under the effects of the Texas Gold-nawww
June 24th, 2009
2:23 pm
No where does it say sexual orientation..and incase you feeling cute Sex discrimination is
Sex Discrimination
Title VII’s broad prohibitions against sex discrimination specifically cover:
Sexual Harassment – This includes practices ranging from direct requests for sexual favors to workplace conditions that create a hostile environment for persons of either gender, including same sex harassment. (The “hostile environment” standard also applies to harassment on the bases of race, color, national origin, religion, age, and disability.)
Pregnancy Based Discrimination – Pregnancy, childbirth, and related medical conditions must be treated in the same way as other temporary illnesses or conditions.
Cemeeli
June 24th, 2009
2:23 pm
Fella-tranella here….
Ain’t no colorful leaves falling in my son’s world right now.
But i’d still love him.
Spoiled Lioness- Been Keeping It 100 Since Birth!
June 24th, 2009
2:23 pm
PG- True Indeedy!
BLATino..... yes, THAT dude... Now Married, lil girl comin, learning a whole NEW game for the MLB.........and STILL a LESBIAN
June 24th, 2009
2:24 pm
Melo!!! Of course its a stupid question, trying to get a rise out the females in attendance. But their responses show me nothing has changed in two years…
Spoiled Lioness- Been Keeping It 100 Since Birth!
June 24th, 2009
2:24 pm
Ared- Mail Call
mytw♥cents...la di da di
June 24th, 2009
2:24 pm
CUTIE I read your question and was like no. Who’s homeless? You’re misreading me too, though. Now repeat this: LA DI DA DI, WE LIKE TO PARTY. WE DON’T CAUSE TROUBLE, WE DON’T BOTHER NOBODY, WE JUST THE MEN THAT’S ON THE MIC…
Melo
June 24th, 2009
2:24 pm
So, Melo — if another dude tries to suck your wang — is that not gay
he wld be as gay as the lady i see walking down the lonely street at 12 midnite and i conclude shes a pro.
We all have our leanings and beliefs,conclusions etc in our heads.Unless u have absolute evedince to that effect,u cant have it as fact but u free to take that evidence and conclude however u want.
Even so-called scientists do that.How many times have we heard of drug companies falsifying stuff so as to arrive at the evidence they want??? Counteless times.
If u tell me u obseverd with ur own eyes those dogs actually phluckking and they are the same sexx,i wld give u props.
Again,i been among animals,in real lyfe,sheep,goats etc,domesticated and have had interration with wild animals too,neva ever heard of 2 males phlucking each other.
Only humans.And u tell me its natural.
Give me a phlucking break!
Dan
June 24th, 2009
2:25 pm
@W8
If my son way gay, he’s gay. Doesn’t make him any less my son. It doesn’t deter or alter my love for him.
But like with my daughter, don’t display your “love” around me – my instincts will kick in and I’mliable to smack sombody
Spoiled Lioness- Been Keeping It 100 Since Birth!
June 24th, 2009
2:25 pm
My point was that if a dude is knowingly sleeping with women while having HIV or any other STD and not letting them know he’s being dishonest. Actually, having sexual contact with anyone while knowingly having a STD is dishonest and in the case of something like HIV is criminal<– True BUT people shouln’t have sex with ANYONE without knowing their STD status..
Jamoca
June 24th, 2009
2:26 pm
…now I have to agree with Kym and PoppaG on discrimination on blacks vs gays.
But I’ll be dayumed if I’m going to have this banter/discussion as a whole for the rest of the day??? I just remembered this IS Humpday, people… (’sides it looks like The Infamous One and Leggs may not have distributed the memo, with the talk of gettin’ goats and all…get em’ girl baaaaaaa, baaaaaaa) aawwww shucky ducky naah…Lmao
Jamoca now graps up her biker gear with the phrase airbrushed “Dis’ Bish” on the back <—(Cee LOL) and takes Demi’s Suzuki Hayabusa GSX1300R for a spin on the “innastate”
SexyCool - Laughing again.
June 24th, 2009
2:26 pm
Ce – Is that a yes or a no?
AmazonRed™ - Toning ↓ my sexy...
June 24th, 2009
2:27 pm
it has been written on this blog today that women don’t expect a truthful answer when they ask about sexual orientation. They means that many females go into meeting a guy (whether he is homosexual or not) lacking trust of the guy in something that could very well kill them.
PG – *nods head*
Dan – You will enjoy it. Give yourself at least two hours. I was trying to read everything.
I’m probably going to go back solo so I can go at my own pace. Besides there was a bus load of students from Tuskegee that day, so it was a little packed.
Melo
June 24th, 2009
2:27 pm
arrive at the conclusion they want..oops!
Dan
June 24th, 2009
2:28 pm
@PG
I agree with your statement.
But as for trust issues, being gay/straight is waaaay down the “hierachy of needs [to know]” list. A person with trust issues has trust issues from somewhere real deep.
Kym-may still be under the effects of the Texas Gold-nawww
June 24th, 2009
2:28 pm
Lioness I really don’t care..I like controversy but I don’t like itchazz behavior..and I was waiting for someone to make that black/gay comparison. Believe me I will go toe to toe on that topic. Black people have suffered to much..to long and lost to much of our heritage in the struggle. We are a proud race or people who I watch every day get further and further away from what we are suppose to be. So I will be damn if you will even for a moment compare “strange fruit in the trees” with some dudes damn desire to get married so society will accept him. Man please the damn “gay community” is still not that damn accept of black gays. I don’t do well with folks who act all brand new.
Leggs (Karyn)
June 24th, 2009
2:28 pm
@ARed, sorry you’ve only seen a pic of Baton Bob. He’s a very nice person.
@PoppaG, you are absolutely right. Those hiding hurt society much more.
@Blah, “Gay people hiding their sexual orientation don’t hurt society — but they inflict tremendous damage on themselves.” And, that in turns fall back on society negatively one way or another. Be it crime, hospitalization, some form of acting out once that internal conflict w/pain is no longer producing the desired result. It will fall back on society.
@mytwo ~ go on girl and find a goat you can get with.
AmazonRed™ - Toning ↓ my sexy...
June 24th, 2009
2:30 pm
Of course its a stupid question, trying to get a rise out the females in attendance. But their responses show me nothing has changed in two years…
Spoiled Lioness- Been Keeping It 100 Since Birth!
June 24th, 2009
2:30 pm
Mytwo-
Kym- I so heart your gangsta!!
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 24th, 2009
2:30 pm
ARED – I’m so glad you had to opportunity to witness Future Greatness.. Students from the Vanglorius Tuskegee University.. Heeeyyyy Tuskegee! Woo! woo! wooo!
Poppa Grande
June 24th, 2009
2:31 pm
Blah
I am for individual freedoms.
But freedom isn’t free. Homosexual really have to come correct.
Yes, it would be difficult.
However, I guess my feeling is that the homosexual have more power than blacks did. Power of the wallet. Money is power in this country. Most same sex couples are double income with no kids. That means that there is a little bit more income that you can keep when you don’t have kids and the cost that come with them. Daycare, health costs, food, clothing. The ability to go out and not worry about babysitters, etc.
That is an awesome power, especially in an economy like the current one.