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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Flip the script

I suppose it was inevitable that President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama would be come an iconic couple. A lot has been written about their date nights, affection towards one another in public, and the history of how they came to be.

It all brings a discussion about love, romance, and marriage, especially among African Americans that sheds some light on our attitudes. One particular article that has made its rounds on Facebook, Twitter, and other social networking sites is from the Washington’s Post interactive site, The Root. It was entitled What Single Women Can Learn from Michelle.

Of course it doused gasoline on an already hot fire of debate between men and women, which is always annoying fun and informative.  I actually thought the article made some excellent points. I just thought it would be vindictive fun and informative to flip the script a little:

What can single men learn from President Obama?

Do you think that we place too much blame on each other for the state of dating, marriage, and divorce?

Are we not all culpable when things don’t succeed?

Is it important for society to have a couple for us to believe in love and romance? Is it to give the children hope or are the grown ups clinging to the idea too?

*Note this is not an opportunity to bash First Lady Michelle Obama. Let’s keep things adult.

970 comments Add your comment

Happy Herman

June 23rd, 2009
8:41 am

“It all brings a discussion about love, romance, and marriage, especially among African Americans that sheds some light on our attitudes…”

No it doesnt…you are just reading something into something that clearly isnt there. Sure the two of them are in love, thats obvious. Butt to turn it into something racial ie especially among African Americans, is just that.

They also are not icons…you best check yourself.

Happy Herman

June 23rd, 2009
8:51 am

PS…the words DIVA and ICON are tossed around to carelessly these days that they no longer have any “true” meaning.

Wise Diva

June 23rd, 2009
8:54 am

Good Morning Herman! We just disagree on this one, from my experiences and observations, it really has brought a lot of discussion in the African American community, but not exclusively.

Wise Diva

June 23rd, 2009
8:58 am

Now Herman I won’t argue that diva one, it has been used a lot LOL but I still love my name :) .

I think iconic in the context I was using, is referring to the ongoing fixation on them as a couple, how some hold them up as a standard, etc, but as long as you get what I was trying to say, you certainly don’t have to agree that icon applies to them, I can respect that too

Dan

June 23rd, 2009
9:06 am

I’m with you WD, I got that from a couple of friends and sent it to ’bout err woman I’m cool with. I’ve also had that discussion about her patience with and support of his dreams (including the sacrifices she’s made).

In the A, the hustle (determination, drive, and focus) is inherent. A BHO had it from the word go, so that’s important.

But I think what a lot of young bruhs especially can learn from him is that calm under pressure. During the primary and general elections, he was beseiged with commentators and pundits telling him what to do. But he did it his way and took down the Clinton machine and the Republican party, all with a calm yet defiant demeanor.

What we can learn from him in handling business and personal priorities is balancing all that you have (family) with all that you want (aspirations).

Granted, for neither him or his wife was this journey easy. But together they made it work.

C tha 1

June 23rd, 2009
9:07 am

Ultimately, men do share some culpability when relationships don’t succeed. As it relates to black male and female relationships this is a no brainer. This is arguably the main reason our race suffers so many set backs and bad breaks (the demise of black male and female relationships).

My personal belief is that men can accept when they were the culprit to the downfall of an otherwise production relationship (logical thinking men that is). However, women are quite reluctant to do the same, or they marginalize their role to the point where they were victimized or out right justify their behaivor for whatever reason.

Yeah I’m painting with a broad brush . . . unfortunately it is what it is.

Dan

June 23rd, 2009
9:10 am

Oh, and good morning to all

Tazzee - countdown to NFL season

June 23rd, 2009
9:22 am

Good Morning All!

Good to read you Dan and C tha 1.

Wise Diva – I loved that article. I’m hoping the guys will chime in more on what can be learned from President Obama. In addition to what Dan has said, I think placing family first. At my first job we had a lot of late nights during busy season. I had a manager that had two young daughters and would leave the office at 5pm every day so he could have dinner with his family and spend some QT with the girls. Then he would come back to the office around 9pm and sometimes work until 2 in the morning. I truly admired that. When watching the White House special, I liked the part about the POTUS having his office in his liviing quarters so he could have dinner with his family and then work after.

SexyCool - Back to being the Ambassador of Sexy and Cool

June 23rd, 2009
9:34 am

I greatly admire the relationship of the Obamas. Haven’t read the article yet. I can imagine it makes some great points. I will check it out shortly.

As to the question of “Are we not all culpable when things don’t succeed?”, I am a major supporter of the statement, “Take total responsibility.” For instance, when people ask me why my last relationship ended, my response is “I chose the wrong person.”

Three Words Daily – Have uncommon faith.</strong.

AmazonRed™ - Getting to my ♥ through my stomach

June 23rd, 2009
9:34 am

Morning lovelies. :)

Other than here, I don’t sit around thinking about the state of relationshis. I really only care as to how it affects me, how my actions contribute to getting things I want (or getting things I don’t want). I really just focus on me and making sure I’m at least not making it worse out there.

We’re all going to have our preferences and deal breakers, so one solution will never fit all. Michelle got her man and there are plenty of women that can and will find their Obama and not have to deal with something like smoking, but may have to deal with something else, like a gang of kids.

AmazonRed™ - Getting to my ♥ through my stomach

June 23rd, 2009
9:36 am

Additionally, I think it’s always a good thing to see a solid, loving, romantic relationship in the public eye. Folks are watching and children to emulate what they see. It’s nice to have something to counter all the other foolishness out there in the world.

(Looks like Jill Scott has parted with her baby daddy).

Demi

June 23rd, 2009
9:37 am

(non church like hug to all the ladies…ridiculously complicated hand shake to the fellas)

Dan…sup bruh! how have you been?

C plus 1…bit early for broad stroking, huh? Oh well…its about time we crack open the MLB weapon facility and unleast a bit of WMD…

YEAAAAAAAAH!!

NY2GA, Inc.

June 23rd, 2009
9:37 am

Good topic. I like that you flipped the script on this one Wise. I say that because in my circle… brothers have been talking about Michelle alot. They admire how she “stood by her man” and was not afriad to give up a lucrative career in order to be “Mom in Chief.” However, these same brothers, are not so quick to talk about how President Obama may have affected their view of the male role in relationships.

I think we blame each other alot on why our relationships fail. Men and women are constantly pointing their fingers at each other, placing blame. I say accept responsibility for your part in the failure of the relationship and move forward. Do better…choose better…next time. I may not agree with everything that Obama does politically, but the image that is portrayed by them is that they love each other. They both do their part to maintain their relationship. When I read the “Audacity of Hope” it was apparent that they had some rough times as most couples do. But, they fought through it and I commend them for that.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria... :-)

June 23rd, 2009
9:37 am

Is it important for society to have a couple for us to believe in love and romance? Is it to give the children hope or are the grown ups clinging to the idea too?

Society has developed a “microwave” mentality with regards to relationships b/c they can start with a quickness and be dissolved just as quickly. Relationships back in the day stood the test of time even though they weren’t always the best of times but they weathered many storms. Now-a days it seems like some/many couples aren’t in it for the long haul and we’ve been bombarded with fly by night and/or elaborate weddings to only end divorce proceedings 3-5 years later( if that long). So to see a couple like the Obamas is refreshing to adults b/c it shows that real love does exist and it shows children the same. The Obamas show us that a strong,lasting marriage isn’t a myth but attainable in a society that seems to go against that norm.

abc

June 23rd, 2009
9:39 am

Give me a break with the Obama stuff.

Our national debt is increasing by several trillion in a New York minute while absolutely no effect is detectable, except for crooked dealers on Wall Street and associated with the Fed are bailed out by tax money, and auto lobbies get huge amounts of tax money, too.

Obama meets with coal execs and refuses to disclose, after having criticized Bush for doing the same thing with oil execs. His administration has refused to disclose many, many times by now. Where’s the transparency we were promised?

He’s on TV every single day. He has time for date nights while staffers are working until midnight 7 days a week; when is he being the President, and not just a shill for whatever special interests are winning on the hill?

This is different? This is progress? I voted for the man, but give me a break. His popularity has slipped to being overall less that both Bushes, Clinton, Reagan, Carter, after 6 months. It ain’t selling. I wouldn’t be surprised if he isn’t the Democratic candidate, if it keeps up like this.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria... :-)

June 23rd, 2009
9:39 am

(Looks like Jill Scott has parted with her baby daddy).

NOOOOOOO…say it ain’t so…say it ain’t so :(

Demi

June 23rd, 2009
9:40 am

…on Jill Scott…guess she got tired of being cheated on….things happens

Spoiled Lioness- All Natural & Loving It!

June 23rd, 2009
9:43 am

Good Morning All :)

Ared- We’re all going to have our preferences and deal breakers, so one solution will never fit all. Michelle got her man and there are plenty of women that can and will find their Obama and not have to deal with something like smoking, but may have to deal with something else, like a gang of kids. <– Do agree!

NY2GA- I agree!

Sassy- I agree as well!

Janet & Jermain are a wrap too..

Spoiled Lioness- All Natural & Loving It!

June 23rd, 2009
9:45 am

If you want a relationsip to work, you have to work on it! Point Blank Period!

Rell- now servicing O's

June 23rd, 2009
9:46 am

but many of us don’t seem to give black men any breaks in return when it comes to the superficial

- WOW

@C to 1

However, women are quite reluctant to do the same, or they marginalize their role to the point where they were victimized or out right justify their behaivor for whatever reason.
\
- Hell yeah!!!

AmazonRed™ - Getting to my ♥ through my stomach

June 23rd, 2009
9:46 am

Yeah Sassy. Essence.com has posted an exclusive on it.

Tazzee - countdown to NFL season

June 23rd, 2009
9:47 am

abc – this is a dating blog….

Jill and Lil John, Janet and Jermaine… Say it ain’t so!!! I’m glad my Sweetie and I don’t share the same first initial…

mytw♥cents...that girl

June 23rd, 2009
9:49 am

I think THE D has a great point about balancing all that you have with all that you want. Too many times women are looked at as potential obstacles or hindrances rather than helpmeets… and yes, some of those times the women you all choose to deal with can embody those things, but I would redirect the gentlemen to their selection process on that. I’m just not convinced that evidence of these types can’t be detected early on. I believe the proof is ignored for her looks, skills, or sugar mama qualities. Ironically, women who sift thru and disengage aren’t looked upon favorably, but it’s a catch 22 and evidence of their lack of logic when it comes separating an asset from just good @zz. <–That’s for you, C THA.

Demi

June 23rd, 2009
9:50 am

abc…microwave mentally at its worse…I am like awwwww…dayum, folks want an 8 years of damage fix in 6 month, huh?

Bullish…it doesn’t matter…dude is being fought at every corner…I am like, give dude a year…and then call him a fugg up

Cemeeli

June 23rd, 2009
9:52 am

Morning!

What admire most about Barak and Michelle’s relationship is that – they are doing FIRST FAMILY how they do Frist Family! And no other president (in my life) has set the presidence like the Obamas.

What i learn from them is – No matter how high you go in life/career the family is most important.

AmazonRed™ - Getting to my ♥ through my stomach

June 23rd, 2009
9:53 am

I’m glad my Sweetie and I don’t share the same first initial…

Tazzee – I’m the opposite. My parents share the same, and they named all of us kids the same. I kinda wanna carry on the same corny tradition as my folks! :lol:

Spoiled Lioness- All Natural & Loving It!

June 23rd, 2009
9:55 am

Mytwo- Sounds good to ME! Hola chica :)

AmazonRed™ - Getting to my ♥ through my stomach

June 23rd, 2009
9:55 am

One thing I do like about the President is that he got his woman as he was still climbing. So many guys are on that “I need to be established” first. I’d rather build together.

Rell- now servicing O's

June 23rd, 2009
9:57 am

WHY do folks this “real love” is something unattainable…you have inside of you….most of us stand in our way of happiness…we try to impress everyone around us..instead of ourselves….i know most folks will say maybe for you…yada yada yada…but here recently i get alot of “you passed the girlfriend test”…or what do your friends thing…i am like who cares what they think unless you want them to join us in what we do…lol

Melo

June 23rd, 2009
9:58 am

What can single men learn from President Obama?

I dont see anything in the Obamas that i didnt see in the Bushes,(both prez cpples,Kennedys etc).G.W.Bush(i liked him personally and they always seemed to be in love too)We dont even see the substance other than the made for tv appearances.Who actually knows what goes on inside other than what they say?
The clouds hover and sow above,hiding our little imperfections and marriages (zulu saying)
So I wldnt advise anybody,let alone a single black guy,to gush over what they seem to see in the Obamas,other than,go to school and avoid crime.
Which married man really,would want to have a mother in law 24/7 in ur home?? Not a good look to me, in so far as who rules in that relatiosnhip.I wld have hired nannies and such,if it were me.
Where does Obama display character and a backbone?
The jury is still out!!
Maybe we will see something with Iran and North Korea testing him.
Good morning pple!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poppa Grande

June 23rd, 2009
9:59 am

Tazzee

Janet and Jermaine

Janet still works out at Atlantic Station’s LA Fitness. I’ve seen her, recently. Never heard confirmation that they broke up. They both denied the rumors. There were always crazy rumors around them. Everything from Janet being pregnant to them being married.

She might just be in town to film Tyler Perry’s “Why did I get married, too”. I know that she has signed to be in it. It is in pre production at the moment. The last one made a lot of money. It cost 15 million to make, but too in over 50 million in box office.

Cemeeli

June 23rd, 2009
10:01 am

Obama meets with coal execs and refuses to disclose, after having criticized Bush for doing the same thing with oil execs. His administration has refused to disclose many, many times by now. Where’s the transparency we were promised?

***Sorry to get on politics so early, but come on, now!***

What you and i do know is that them president IS working. Disclosure? Why, so that YOU can be apeased at his progression or non-progression?!!?

Spoiled Lioness- All Natural & Loving It!

June 23rd, 2009
10:02 am

Melo-I dont see anything in the Obamas that i didnt see in the Bushes,(both prez cpples,Kennedys etc).G.W.Bush(i liked him personally and they always seemed to be in love too)We dont even see the substance other than the made for tv appearances.Who actually knows what goes on inside other than what they say?<– I SOOO AGREE WITH THIS!!

Page1908

June 23rd, 2009
10:03 am

Ok, so first Jill Scott and her baby daddy, then Janet and Jermaine, and now Jon and Kate! LOL sheesh what is this world coming to?

PG- The TP movie you mentioned is not yet filming at this time.

Cemeeli

June 23rd, 2009
10:04 am

Correction” What you and I do know is the President is working.

Page1908

June 23rd, 2009
10:05 am

I think it’s funny when people bash Obama when the guy has been in office for what 6 months now? LOL

Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria... :-)

June 23rd, 2009
10:06 am

…microwave mentally at its worse…I am like awwwww…dayum, folks want an 8 years of damage fix in 6 month, huh

I think that’s the crux of what’s going on right now…we as a whole are in dire straights and want a fix NOW but the problem didn’t happen in 6 months and to think that it can be fixed/resolved in so little time is unfair, and unrealistic at best. I agree Demi that he should be given more time before he’s judged but as you’ve said dude is being faught from all corners.

Rell- now servicing O's

June 23rd, 2009
10:07 am

What can single men learn from President Obama?

-get your own dayum fries i am not your bench…..lol…thats what i learned..lol

but on a serious note…how about have a plan and sticking to it..

- sticking with one women….

- being a humble father and not and overbearing man

- WORK OUT — WORK OUT –

- PDA are cool

- Speak slow and measured

- Check Disrespect

but most important is that real talk…michelle would prolly not be alot of brothers choice….she is not the typical LSLH chick or has the banging azz body that most men seek….so for him to take a plain jane and rise with her should say alot about picking women for the exterior and not the interior..thats what i take away

Cemeeli

June 23rd, 2009
10:08 am

…allow me to adjust my music for this disgust you have abc.

It’s been 6months and you expect a 360?

The media like chasing the man is the reason he’s “He’s on TV every single day”…you say.

Page1908

June 23rd, 2009
10:08 am

Demi, I know you are not talking about microwave mentality when daily you are on here talking about how you have this girl and that girl pretty much a different girl every day. Come on, seriously? You are the king of the microwave mentality! So many women, but yet still single………..yep, microwave mentality at its best!!

kinderbabe

June 23rd, 2009
10:09 am

i didn’t know about jill and her beau. i am shocked!! had no idea that they had broken up.

M'

June 23rd, 2009
10:10 am

What I find so interesting is that the Obamas are not the only black couple that I know to be like this…I grew up with so many…they to me are the norm.

Page1908

June 23rd, 2009
10:11 am

^5 Cee @ 10:08.

AmazonRed™ - Getting to my ♥ through my stomach

June 23rd, 2009
10:11 am

i didn’t know about jill and her beau. i am shocked!! had no idea that they had broken up.

kinderbabe – You aren’t late. It just hit press today.

Mayor McCheese

June 23rd, 2009
10:14 am

“And no other president (in my life) has set the presidence like the Obamas.”

LOL…yet another predjudicial statement. Look…The Obamas are a semi-attractive couple and seem to have style, etiquitte etc but lettuce not broad stroke them into something they clearly are not and clearly do not do.

PS…what are these so called presidence of which you speak.

AmazonRed™ - Getting to my ♥ through my stomach

June 23rd, 2009
10:14 am

What I find so interesting is that the Obamas are not the only black couple that I know to be like this…I grew up with so many…they to me are the norm.

M’ – I’ve seen a lot of solid black couples growing up, but not as much PDA as they display. Even my parents aren’t touchy feely.

One time I walked in the kitchen and my mom was feeling on my dad’s booty. :lol:

Raqi-Loving my Beautiful Ordinary Life

June 23rd, 2009
10:15 am

Good Morning. I want to take this moment and thank all of you Type A women out there who felt like my husband was too skinny (he is not skinny anymore). Who thought he looks goofy in his Rog Thomas glasses that he wears when his eye allergies are acting up. Who thought his goofy arse laugh was annoying. Who felt like he wasn’t “hip-hop” enough. And thank you all who are too modern to appreciate a man with solid traditional beliefs.

Thank you all for leaving him available for me. And Elizabeth.

Spoiled Lioness- All Natural & Loving It!

June 23rd, 2009
10:16 am

M- I am not impressed by them either :lol: :lol:

Poppa Grande

June 23rd, 2009
10:17 am

abc

Personally, I think that he messed up by promising total transparency. It isn’t possible. There are things that he will know that we will never know. It is totally impossible. There are things that he didn’t even know about the job until he was sworn in. I file that in with the multitudes of things that

I think that 6 months is just too short of sample. He has had to deal with way more things than Dubya did in his first 6 months. 9/11 was nearly 9 months after he took office.

As for the bailout, you should thank Dubya and former Treasury secretary Paulson for that. They set that in motion. Half was given out before Obama was even elected. He had to deal with that.

As for Wall Street bonuses, he had no real power over that. Those were contractually promised. If he stepped in the blocked them, it sets a really bad precedent in the realm of contract law. Opening that Pandora’s box could have had serious ramifications. Especially in the realm of employment law. That affects us all in some way of another. IMO by stepping in and stopping it he would have just opened the door for more outside insurance companies. Indemnification rates would rise for businesses and that cost would be passed on to the consumer. (If there is a contract, there could have been breach of contract lawsuits.) We would have paid one way or another. He was a constitutional law professor and knows the ramifications of his actions.

He has done something that I haven’t liked too. For example, I am not a fan of the credit card bill that was passed recently. I has a ton of holes.

I am sick of seeing him on TV too.

Given what he has had to do in just 6 months on the job, I think that he has done a decent job so far.

Tazzee - countdown to NFL season

June 23rd, 2009
10:17 am

M’ – they aren’t the norm for me, but not the first I’ve seen either. I just like the fact that it’s out there for many others to see. Those that don’t have that. I was at a dinner Sunday and this little 6 year old girl was talking about how she wanted to go to Harvard like Michelle Obama. I loved it!