Love them like my own
NFL player Tom Brady has a child from a previous relationship with actress Bridget Moynahan. When Brady dated his then girlfriend Giselle Bundchen, I remember reading a comment from Bundchen about Brady’s son:
“I understand that he has a mom, and I respect that, but to me it’s not like because somebody else delivered him, that’s not my child. I feel it is, 100 percent. I want him to have a great relationship with his mom, because that’s important, but I love him the same way as if he were mine.”
Now I thought it was a noble and endearing perspective to take, but after talking to a couple of real parents, it seemed to strike a nerve. If you have children, wouldn’t you want the person your ex is dating (seriously) to care for your child as if they were your own?
Have you ever dated someone with children and became close to their children? Did it cause a problem with their parent because you were too close?
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who treated your children like their own? Isn’t that a little litmus test to see if the person is compatible to you and your kids, since you are a package deal?
Is there a line that one should not cross when it comes to dealing with someone who has children in terms of parenting them? What would you say are the boundaries? Do you set those ground rules with your significant other and their children?
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603 comments Add your comment
Mo (aka Moeisha-counting down to the haircut!!)
June 18th, 2009
1:02 pm
I am very glad to read a lot of the responses from the fellas especially. Kudos to ya’ll for doing what you are supposed to without all the drama. I dont think any of you has said anything really unreasonable.
Cemeeli – I have always checked Lil Mo but since I am only 3 apples high I know when he can see over me (which is shortly) he will try me. He is well aware that his dad/grandad/uncles/cousins/godfather will get in that azz
Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
1:02 pm
Tough reading you Vick..
Vick
June 18th, 2009
1:03 pm
Need some advice guys, totally out of topic but I seriously do not know how to deal with this,
I met this south American chick a couple of yrs ago and we started dating but few months later we went our own ways. Two yrs later we found ourselves talking about a possiblity of a come back. Here is the issue, she is talking to this guy who just to to US and i myself talking to another girl. I want the girl to be with me but she wants to talk to me while she is talking to her guy and ok with me talking to the other girl. I want her and me to start dating and develop something. how should I go by this and what and how should I tell her…
thanks for ya’ help.
it took me almost 2 hrs to get home yesterday. this 85 traffic is getting prettier and prettier….agrrr
Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
1:04 pm
DK- You are a SPECIAL person
SlimOne
June 18th, 2009
1:04 pm
I gave my step-daddies hell! It was like a scene out of Color Purple when Ceelie came home to Danny Glovers house for the first time…and the kid threw a rock and hit her in the head, “You ain’t my mammie!”
AmazonRed™
June 18th, 2009
1:04 pm
DK – I’m so glad you and Truth had a conversation on this topic. I was surprised at reading his stance, especially when he said the father of the child wouldn’t even be welcome in his home…he’d have to pick his kid up on the curb!
Crazy stuff sticks with me.
REALLIFE
June 18th, 2009
1:05 pm
Thanks for the interesting comments in this blog. The first man I was interested in after the birth of my son (by then about 14 months old) and I married. He immediately adopted said child, (bio father out of the picture – COMPLETELY), followed by another child, both boys only know dad, will never know the difference, and the unconditional love is there. No one in the family even remembers that there are different gene’s there. So it does work, you just have to know when it’s right…. by the way, this was over 20 years ago and still going strong!
Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
1:06 pm
Real- That is WONDERFUL!!
Vick- How old are you?
Ared- That is some ISH right there!
Vick
June 18th, 2009
1:08 pm
I am 27
Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
1:11 pm
Vick- Date her and let the chips fall where they may
Staceye AKA Black Mamba AKA Xiomara
June 18th, 2009
1:12 pm
ALVIN…unfortanately…since I have no children I was told I can not have my tubes tied.
Grace
June 18th, 2009
1:14 pm
your kid is 7′4? @ Amozon blame it on the hormones in the food….and another thing, these kids are very well endowed these days. I’d bust a cap in a man’s head for looking at my 11 year old daughter.
AmazonRed™
June 18th, 2009
1:15 pm
DK/W8 – I don’t think Truth was trying to say not be involved in your kid’s life. I think he was saying is that you don’t have a say in household matters. You know some guys don’t want a man raising his child, even if he is married to the mother.
Y’all know I say controversial stuff, so today’s “bytchism” is that the choice was made to break up the home and co-parent. Someone else is scooping in and taking the load you decided you didn’t want to handle anymore. You should always be involved, but I can see why the new hubby may opt for as litte input from the bio dad as possible when it comes to what goes on in his home…
Elijah
June 18th, 2009
1:17 pm
Hello Folks!
This is some good advice on parenting or dating people who already have kids!
@W8 I love the honesty with your kids!
@ Mr. Infamous… You are holding it down, you do have to become unselfish in order to raise your child! Plus it does take a sensible man to raise a son to be man! Not a man who is foolish about life.
I do not have any children yet but I did date a young lady with 2 kids. In fact I usually only date women with no kids. What an experience I was not ready to become their father. I did become close to the son even though I was not ready and tried to teacher him about being a man but my mind was not on marriage or a ready made family. So I had to bounce and it did not go well with the break-up because I know the kids would miss me!
I truly did not want to become a huge part of their lives but due to her having some hardship I was thrust into that role. Now I am ready to assume the mantle of fatherhood!
@Kym you want to go out on a date I like that corporate talk, of course I will chairman of the board, CEO and COO. I would let you maintain CFO!
:LOL:
Their are some real stand-up folks in here with some good hearts!
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 18th, 2009
1:21 pm
DOnt get me wrong I’m all for trying to make a normal life out of a not normal situation for my child. I do all of it because he needs to see adults acting like adults. He needs to know just because Mommie and I didnt work we love you and are working together to make sure of youre happy. Its been hell and high water to get that thru sometimes to his mom but because of him I will never give up, turn my back on him, disrespect his mom or stop loving his mom to a certain extent. See when you dont allow yourself to hate someone there is only love there and that love stops you from doing alot of things, that the hate would have you drown yourself in. See what we fail to realize is that the child loves both parents not just one.
-W8©*N8*
June 18th, 2009
1:21 pm
Vick- Let that girl go it’s not going to work neither one of yall respect each other enough to get into a relationship..with all of this other person talk
I don’t even go into my ex-wifes house now why would i go there when she is married? Set boundaries and keep respect..it makes things easier
@Staceye- you are going to fall for someone hard one day and be all super wife and super mom…just dont forget to blog about it..lmao
AmazonRed™
June 18th, 2009
1:23 pm
See when you dont allow yourself to hate someone there is only love there and that love stops you from doing alot of things, that the hate would have you drown yourself in.
Lawd, y’all about to make me misty eyed and I don’t do tears.
Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
1:23 pm
Random thgt: I LOVE Haribo Gummi Bears ONLY!! Won’t eat any other brand.. I don’t share the red & green ones cause they are my FAVORITE!! Well, I might share them depending on who ask me
Carry on
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 18th, 2009
1:23 pm
Amazon – I have said I would prefer a dude yeild to me for punishment because I’m not raising a disrespectful child and I always know my punishments are done in love with his best interest at heart.. I wouldnt want to question why a dude has done such and such to my child.
Vick
June 18th, 2009
1:26 pm
how old are you Staceye?
Alvin
June 18th, 2009
1:26 pm
A.Red…no real man will ever tell a stand up father to ‘back off’, as long as it doesn’t interfer with his relationship with the mother…like I said…most jealous or insincere men think that way.
At the some time…I do understand new dudes position as head of household…that’s way I feel it is important all parties to be on the some page.
Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
1:27 pm
Vick- Good Luck
AmazonRed™
June 18th, 2009
1:28 pm
I have said I would prefer a dude yeild to me for punishment because I’m not raising a disrespectful child and I always know my punishments are done in love with his best interest at heart.. I wouldnt want to question why a dude has done such and such to my child.
DK – Hmm…I don’t know about that. You’d have a guy, there everyday with your kid, the head of HIS household not render punishment? Essencially saying “wait til your father gets home?”
Remember, you aren’t the only example of manhood he’ll see. And to me, that just weakens the stepdad in my eyes (and probably the kid’s.)
Staceye AKA Black Mamba AKA Xiomara
June 18th, 2009
1:28 pm
W8…I need you NOT to put that voo doo on me. I htought you like dme…why would you wish that on me.
VICK…I’m young enough to live and love my life…but old enough to know what I want and don’t want!
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 18th, 2009
1:29 pm
Amazon – Also I dont just beat my child like that.. I get him when he needs it but just all the time no because I’m not gonna break his spirit by beating the crap out of him.. So seeing as though I just dont beat his behind and his mother dont, it just would be unacceptable for a new cat to come in and turn him into a whipping boy. Ya know. I can talk to my child and give hime the EYE and he’s good.
-W8©*N8*
June 18th, 2009
1:30 pm
@Ared- I feel you..I took custody of my little sister, she was a child of my mom and step father…my mom married him when I was 3..He did not pay any support or way or nothing but yet he tried to set rules for her in my household…I told him he lost his chance for that..now she loves her dad to death but under my roof she follows my rules..they are still close…the difference was that he didnt want to support or help raise her unless it came to her doing fun stuff. The difference with some is that the father is active in the kids life so he still has a say in the kids life not how the household is ran. I got my lil sister to graduate highschool and college and that is after her drug stage, her lesbian stage her just going everywhichaway stage..but yet he would just pop up and try and set rules out of the blue..nope wasn’t happening on my watch. My lil sis and my mom dont talk to this day so she didnt even try once I got custody of her..@The end of the day a man has to respect a man’s household, and find the boundaries
AmazonRed™
June 18th, 2009
1:31 pm
Amazon – Also I dont just beat my child like that.. I get him when he needs it but just all the time no because I’m not gonna break his spirit by beating the crap out of him..
DK – Why would you assume some other man will? Why would you assume your ex would chose someone who would…?
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 18th, 2009
1:31 pm
Amazon – well my son is with me just as much as he is with his Mom soooo.. we have split custody. Hey we all men and we can come to a understanding about this and if not I’ll be on the news.. Its that simple.
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 18th, 2009
1:33 pm
Amazon – Thats just it I can only be accountable for my actions towards my son.. Well I have to be honest.. I had patnas growing up with their stepdads and it just wasnt a cool situation and both of those cats are on one for real.. Two are certified GA Regional crazy and one is in jail for 200 years.
AmazonRed™
June 18th, 2009
1:36 pm
Hey we all men and we can come to a understanding about this and if not I’ll be on the news.. Its that simple
Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
1:36 pm
Ared-
Alvin
June 18th, 2009
1:36 pm
(he said the father of the child wouldn’t even be welcome in his home…he’d have to pick his kid up on the curb!)
I agree!!!
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 18th, 2009
1:37 pm
Amazon – I mean I’m getting better with the step dad thingy but I just think that all of us can come to an agreement because I would respect his moms wishes when it came to my new wife also.
Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
1:38 pm
I pray to GOD that when my husband & I have our children that we stay together forever cause all of these rules & regulations seems like too much DRAMA!!
mytw♥cents...the most beautiful
June 18th, 2009
1:39 pm
WD I told you I always like when the men come forward. I actually thought in reading that a male probably presented the topic.
ZULU Chantal almost emailed Boaz to let him know you deserve a spankin’ for (making me laugh at) your harrasment of ‘Cuttie,’ yesterday. But I told Chantal that you’re the type that might like the idea too much. So gotta make sure you’re in check today.
CUTIE I don’t believe in all out spoiling children or adults for that matter. Unless you’re spoiling yourself, but some folks are just rotten.
CEMEELI I am just not a huge fan of letting the lil dudes go full blown with the pastels. Promise you’ll draw the line if a skinny jean thought passes those lips. (I feel an essay in the making.)
Gotta love how FILTHY VILLANOUS one wants to re-focus our energies from the good dad stuff to the kinda stuff that just might make him INFAMOUS.
I like when we’re all on one accord. Think I’m hittin’ Nordstrom Rack this weekend. Yeah-Ya!
AmazonRed™
June 18th, 2009
1:39 pm
..@The end of the day a man has to respect a man’s household, and find the boundaries
W8 – Well, I don’t know nuffin about manhood or birfin no babies so thanks for y’alls feedback.
For Real Ballwood
June 18th, 2009
1:40 pm
Ared: “Sounds like a recipe for disaster.” – You do not understand my point either. Diving head first into water demonstrates your commitment level. Testing the water with me is our due diligence period. Oh and pulling your bra strap for the 7′4″ comment.
DK: I agree with on that step back ish. Truth doesn’t have any kids so that’s why he said that. However, that why is their mom decided to get a SO or remarry I would have a man to man with ole boy and we will settle all issues right then and there before my kids will ever do anything with him. Cause like I said “I Just Ain’t Gon Understand Your Excuse”!
Vick: She just like one aspect of you that’s why she holding on to the other dude. You need to find out which aspect she like and then decide if you can or can’t live with it but if she is from South America take 8 months to make a decision.
Wise: My topic was going to be about Fathers since Father’s Day is Sunday.
PSA!!!!! SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! IS FATHER’S DAY PLEASE DON’T DO THE FOLLOWING:
1. Take him out to dinner and he has to pickup the check.
2. Take him out to dinner at a spot he goes to all the time on his own.
3. Buy him a grill and then expect him to cookout.
4. Power tool should be purchased for his birthday IF he is into that.
5. If he ask for Madden 2010 please don’t get him a gift certificate to Barnes & Noble.
6. If you buy him a gift and you decide to wrap it. Please make sure the wrapping doesn’t look like it came from the Retarded Wrappers of America.
7. In addition, to #6 please wrap the dayum gift. A shirt still on the hanger ain’t cool.
8. NO WE DON’T LIKE THAT DAYUM TIE!!!!
9. BUYING YOURSELF A NEW DRESS TO LOOK PRETTY FOR ME DOES NOT CONSTITUTE A GIFT FOR ME!!!!
10. GIVING ME SOME DOESN’T CONSTITUTE A GIFT FOR ME!!!
11. Hand made gifts from Jameekca and DonTerrious is not a gift when dey 24 y.o
12. I DON’T LIKE YO MAMMA WHY IS SHE GOING TO DINNER WITH US!!!
AmazonRed™
June 18th, 2009
1:40 pm
(he said the father of the child wouldn’t even be welcome in his home…he’d have to pick his kid up on the curb!)
I agree!!!
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 18th, 2009
1:42 pm
Amazon – You know honestly I have had to pray about it and leave it in Gods hands.. I honestly hope that we all can be cool.. Birthday Parties, graduations and etc.. I dont want it to be weird. I just want the respect I deserve as his father. That’s all. I respect anyone who respects me. i dont want to run that mans home cause thats disrespectful but my child is in his home and if there is a problem he can always come and live with his dad. Thats all I want is the respect due to me as being Daddy, not the dude that comes thru every so often and is relegated to uncle status in my childs life.
Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
1:43 pm
Ared- Lawd!! I tell you! I just PRAY I make the right decision with the man I choose for my husband!!!
AmazonRed™
June 18th, 2009
1:44 pm
Ared: “Sounds like a recipe for disaster.” – You do not understand my point either. Diving head first into water demonstrates your commitment level.
For Real – Diving head first into water means nothing if you don’t know how to swim.
Not everyone knows how to swim. You’ve had X amount of time to be a parent and to learn to be a parent. It’s unfair for you to keep your kid away from someone you see a future with, then expect them to swan dive in and not drown.
Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
1:44 pm
DK- You should respect people PERIOD!! Even if they show blatant disrespect for you, you should ALWAYS take the higher road!
Professor (went to lunch early and now I am back hungry)
June 18th, 2009
1:44 pm
Hey Vick-
If I am reading you right (I am finding it difficult to read you), but anyway…you said:
****Here is the issue, she is talking to this guy who just to to US and i myself talking to another girl. I want the girl to be with me but she wants to talk to me while she is talking to her guy and ok with me talking to the other girl. I want her and me to start dating and develop something.*****
I say: If that girl wants you she would focus on you and try to build something with you. Vick, IMO it seems like she wants to talk to you and old boy to see whom is the last man standing. That game is cool for those that play it, but I just feel you should go for WHO you WANT and NOT WHO is LEFT.
Kelly
June 18th, 2009
1:44 pm
My significant other (SO) has two children and his ex-wife uses them to try to manipulate our relationship. I treat the children very well. Their mom is jealous and questions them about everything we do and everything at their father’s home. My SO and I now have children. She tells them to treat us badly and manipulates them emotionally. She is destroying her children emotionally and needs to move on with her life.
AmazonRed™
June 18th, 2009
1:45 pm
Ared- Lawd!! I tell you! I just PRAY I make the right decision with the man I choose for my husband!!!
I think we all do, Lioness. Remember spouses die too…
Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
1:45 pm
Ared- I AGREE One million Percent!!! Sounds retarded to me!
Melo
June 18th, 2009
1:45 pm
that is after her drug stage, her lesbian stage her just going everywhichaway stage.
Daaamn!!!
I tell u,each society has its share of crap.
We africans,we dealing mostly with our poverty crap and Aids crap,but none of this drug and lesbo/homo/drag/ stuff.
pheeeeeew hmmmmmpf!!
Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
1:46 pm
Ared- They do but hopefully not before we have a family..
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 18th, 2009
1:46 pm
Lioness – Most times I do take the high road but when it comes to my child there is no road.
AmazonRed™
June 18th, 2009
1:46 pm
LOL. If you’ve never celebrated a wedding anniversary, yo azz doesn’t get a father’s day gift.
(I’m kidding…kinda)