Love them like my own
NFL player Tom Brady has a child from a previous relationship with actress Bridget Moynahan. When Brady dated his then girlfriend Giselle Bundchen, I remember reading a comment from Bundchen about Brady’s son:
“I understand that he has a mom, and I respect that, but to me it’s not like because somebody else delivered him, that’s not my child. I feel it is, 100 percent. I want him to have a great relationship with his mom, because that’s important, but I love him the same way as if he were mine.”
Now I thought it was a noble and endearing perspective to take, but after talking to a couple of real parents, it seemed to strike a nerve. If you have children, wouldn’t you want the person your ex is dating (seriously) to care for your child as if they were your own?
Have you ever dated someone with children and became close to their children? Did it cause a problem with their parent because you were too close?
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who treated your children like their own? Isn’t that a little litmus test to see if the person is compatible to you and your kids, since you are a package deal?
Is there a line that one should not cross when it comes to dealing with someone who has children in terms of parenting them? What would you say are the boundaries? Do you set those ground rules with your significant other and their children?
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603 comments Add your comment
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 18th, 2009
12:05 pm
Sassy – Yeah kids eating with their hands is a situation that is beyond you. I would not deal with a chick that has kids like that. But know this.. Kids will sabotage relationships..
Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria :-)
June 18th, 2009
12:07 pm
Infamous I’ve been told that once you have children you do become more patient(most parents) but I still feel the way I do about rude children. Me ex never gave “the eye” and in the four years I dated him I rarely,if ever, knew of him disciplining them and as I posted previously whenever I asked myself if that was something I could deal with on a daily basis the answer was always NO. I don’t have kids and at this point in my life have resigned myself to the fact that I’m not having any. Right now my life is simple and uncomplicated and I quite ennjoy it….is that some of the selfishness that comes out of being single for soo long?….is that wrong? Some women feel that maternal urge to procreate and some don’t…..I’m of the latter. Sometimes I wonder if it bothers my fam ’cause they’re always looking at me like “whatchu waitin’ on girl?” and I look at them like they’re aliens and say “waitin’ on for whaaat!!”
SexyCool - Like a tight verse over a hot track
June 18th, 2009
12:07 pm
I’m not Catholic. That audience with the Pope thing is lost on me. (JUST playing – GNR!)
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 18th, 2009
12:08 pm
Grace – No maam I pack capri suns.. Soft fruit granola bars, chips and grapes.. Its the routine setup..
Kym -declaring a holy war on Bull-shiggidity
June 18th, 2009
12:13 pm
Oh yeah and for the record..I am normally wary of dudes who want me to meet their kid. Like my son is coming over for the weekend. But you can stop by…nawww thank you and good night. I have no desire to meet your little mini me.
For Real Ballwood
June 18th, 2009
12:15 pm
W8: Yeah I’m with you on respecting you and their moms. I have two boys and their mom is only 5′4″ my oldest is already 2ft taller than she is and I told she has to sweat the small disrespectful thing he does because those are build blocks to out disrespect. One day we were taking her out to eat for mother’s day and my kids where in the back playing video games and they started to argue. She told them to put the games up. They ignored her so I asked both of them for their games and promply thru them out of the window.
Shandra aka Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
12:15 pm
My last BF had a daughter and she was 6 at the time.. Her mom was in jail and his daughter lived with the moms sister. Ghetto as ALL HELL! They lived in the projects off of Redan Road(sp?) and the sister was living with an older dude (15yrs her senior) & she had 3 or 4 children of her own.
Everytime she would come over to stay with us, she would look a MESS so I would take it upon myself to ALWAYS buy her clothes when she came over. My ex & I never saw eye to eye on issues having to do with her because he was a VERY irresponsible person. I asked him MANY of times, why didn’t he get custody of her? He would ALWAYS have some lame tail answer as to why. The apt wasn’t big enough etc… My heart used to HURT every time he took her back to the sisters. She was SUCH a smart girl & loved her daddy immensely. I told him that i was willing to get a bigger apt or buy a house if he REALLY wanted to have custody of her.. NO ANSWER.. He preferred to go out and party.. Long story short, the sister got evicted from the projects & moved into a hotel room with all 5 of the kids PLUS that man( I don’t trust most men around children but I digress) then the moved somewhere in GA and til this day hasn’t been able to find her. It has been 3 years since he has heard from or seen his daughter and I am not sure he could live with himself everyday not knowing where his baby girl is & how she is doing..
I don’t have any kids but I was more than willing to do WHATEVER I could to give that child a better life with or without her father!
Cemeeli
June 18th, 2009
12:15 pm
@ Infamous – Yea that mula does get diverted when you’re a parent. Golden ticket for my son is his education. I promise i will break the bank so i can give him the best oppurtunity out there. If i havta pay for it then, bet!!
Cute – Lol @ the Caprisuns are too sweet for the little man’s teeth! Get some Apple&Eve drinks…kids love them.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria :-)
June 18th, 2009
12:16 pm
Kids eating with their hands?????????????
I know right, crazy but like I said their mama had the i.q. of a brick…never graduated from high school and still hasn’t. I realized that he upgraded when he met me and he realized it,too but there were some things I just didn’t want to deal with and I didn’t HAVE TO so I didn’t.
Yeah kids eating with their hands is a situation that is beyond you. I would not deal with a chick that has kids like that. But know this.. Kids will sabotage relationships..
DK you’re dead on with that ’cause that’s what happened. They were just one of the deal breakers. What’s a single, gainfully employed woman in the “A” to do?………
Staceye AKA Black Mamba AKA Xiomara
June 18th, 2009
12:18 pm
INFAMOUS….I prefer my money going to me!
I am an only child…never had to share…so why start now? 
I mean I do not spend $900 on one pair of shoes. I could take that $900 and come out with a crap load of bags.
Please I am very moody…by living alone…when I do not feel like dealing with somebody…I don’t have to. If I had a kid….again..I am stuck. The thing is at least I know myself and I would not subject a child to feeling like they are a burden…or in the way of my life. And if I had one…that is exactly what they’d be. I saw the cutest 2 tiny kittens the other night. I was going to take them home and keep them. Not even considering my asthma & allergies they first thing I thought of was the responsibility of caring for them. I was caught up in the cuteness but the reality set in quickly. When I travel I would have to take them somewhere or ask somebody to feed them, etc….too much work!
-W8©*N8*
June 18th, 2009
12:18 pm
@DK- Man I go to Filienes(sp) Basement for my son they have all of the Polo Gear for little boys at discount prices. Then the times I find stuff where he and I can match…”Watchoutdernow”
For Real Ballwood
June 18th, 2009
12:19 pm
Man yall spoiling your kids caprisun, juicy juice… hell I remember when kool aid was the ish. Naw dem jockers get a bottle of water and they should be thankful they don’t have to drink out of a waterhose.
Mo (aka Moeisha-counting down to the haircut!!)
June 18th, 2009
12:21 pm
W8 & Cemeeli – I had that talk about Lil Mo going to live with his dad when he got to smelling himself as well. I know that it happens. I have an older brother and all my older cousins here in the A are male, I saw them all go thru it. Trying mom, sometimes dad and having to get that chest caved in. I wont like it but I know at that age I wont understand what he is going thru, so off to dad’s it is. Now if dad wasnt around I have a great support system of family members to back me, all men
Shandra aka Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
12:22 pm
I can’t stand when kids don’t have manners!! Chew with your mouth closed!! That should be ENFORCED!! I was in chic fil a the other day & while I was on line, this little girl(1 or 2) was with her grandma just yelling & screaming. The grandma was like ” I know you are mad..” I was thinking , that little kid is too young to bed mad.. WTH?? People need to teach their children respect from young!
I have NO problem spoiling a child & getting them any & EVERYTHING BUT they WILL respect me at ALL times! Spanking is cool only if necessary! I prefer my child to straighten up by the TONE of my voice
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 18th, 2009
12:23 pm
Stacy – I am a shoe whore.. Sorry.
W8 – You know its a couple of thrift stores I go to in the affluent areas and get stuff for the low. I actually found a purple label suit the other day.. I will check out Filleans(sp)..
Staceye AKA Black Mamba AKA Xiomara
June 18th, 2009
12:23 pm
CEMEELI…since I am watching my sugar intake…I get the Aqua juice from Welch’s. It comes in a lot of flavors. They are real fruit juice…but diluted so it’s less sugar. Tastes fine to me. I also drink Crystal light..and I buy the sugarless Kool-Aid to go packets. Just pour into a bottled water..shake and drink. When I do have my friend’s kids I have dried fruit & nutragrain bars with me too. Hel I eat thst stuff so they get what I get!
Cemeeli
June 18th, 2009
12:24 pm
ForReal- We earn a little more now than the loved Wylers&Koolaid being the only thing to the next drink other than water back in the day.
Come on man.
SexyCool - Like a tight verse over a hot track
June 18th, 2009
12:25 pm
Lioness – that was a bullet dodged and a glimpse into what your life with kids would have been like with him.
It is paramount that if I deal with someone who has kids that he is supporting them, financially and with his presence. Failure to do so is evidence of a major character flaw and all I can say is “Run, Negro. Run!”
Page1908
June 18th, 2009
12:25 pm
OOps, Staceye, yeah it was Perimeter lol.
AmazonRed™
June 18th, 2009
12:26 pm
*sorry, I’ve been in meetings back to back this morning so I’m way behind.*
when he gets with a woman that has kids the Dad has to understand that he needs to back off.. I was like are you serious?
DK – I think Truth feels this way too. I think it’s a “head of the household” matter. The kid is living under his roof, the woman is his wife, he should have to make decisions that affect his home without answering to anyone else. This is with the knowledge that he’s gonna want the best for anyone that is under his care.
Not trying to speak for him, so I hope I didn’t get this wrong. But it makes sense from that perspective.
Wise Diva
June 18th, 2009
12:26 pm
I am fascinated by the male comments today, wow, it’s nice to hear the male side of this kind of situation for a change.
Staceye, hey, what kind of services do you usually have at the Nordstrum’s spa, any favorites?
-W8©*N8*
June 18th, 2009
12:28 pm
@Ce/Mo- It happens to all of us male’s growing up..and with my bloodline I know the lil man is going to be a handful
Oh yeah they have sugarfree Caprisuns..I remember when my little man was still on milk and I snuck him a taste of a Mango Smoothie…LMAO that lil joker just lit right up like he stuck his finger into an electric socket..lmao..I remember the first time he pissed on me also..I was changing him and I looked away to get the wipes next thing you know i feel something warm and wet on my face I look up and around and I see nothing..I look down at him and see the lil pee stream dying down..I look at his face and those glowing eyes and smile were looking dead at me…he had a grin on his face..I swear he knew what he just did..I laughed made a fist and gave him a soft punch to the chest..lol
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 18th, 2009
12:28 pm
Amazon – But thats just it.. you cant just erase Dude. What about that childs Father thats been there for that child before him. My thing is that Fool wasnt there when I was making the child so come on with the jokes..
Cemeeli
June 18th, 2009
12:31 pm
Trying mom, sometimes dad and having to get that chest caved in, Now if dad wasnt around I have a great support system of family members to back me,
Mo Girl you know we alerady kindred. That’s why i said i will revisit the invitation for my kid to go with his dad if it becomes to much for me. Only God knows how i will really be able to do that.
Infamous/W8 This is whay i say J.O.B. for a 10 year old is not a bad idea. My son is addicted to Polo. I’m driving up 85 to Tanger Oulets trying to get all the pastel colored (dunno why he likes the peach/pastelgreen/yellow colors) polos.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit AKA Victoria :-)
June 18th, 2009
12:31 pm
Vanity thy name is woman
Goin to the gym to run some “stuff” off my chest….y’all done got me all verklempt n such…….
Off topic: I heard Jeremih sing live on Ryan Cameron’s show yesterday and the boy can sang hear…..also heard him rap a taste and the boy got skill…he calls his rappin’ alter ego Ohaji….thought that was cute…..okay carry on.
Shandra aka Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
12:31 pm
Sexy- You are right BUT I was tired of that relationship because i had to make sure everything was in order because of how irresponsible he was..
Staceye- I am a shoe fanatic and I can’t WAIT to have children
Kym -declaring a holy war on Bull-shiggidity
June 18th, 2009
12:33 pm
For Real I packed all my son’s stuff up and took it out of the house. You would have thought I killed him. I looked at him and told him point blank..You don’t own a damn thang in this house. If you can’t follow my rules you can leave here the same way you came in this world..naked. I am not your friend I am your mother…and until the appointed time I am the CFO, CEO, Chairperson, and founder of (his name here) Enterprises. You want out..that can be arranged. Otherwise all decisions I make are for the good of the enterprise so that when I give over certain powers to you..you don’t fall too far on your azz. He told me last week..I will sure be glad when I get control of the enterprise..I said son as founder I will always have a perm seat on the board of directors.
Shandra aka Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
12:33 pm
Off topic- This story made me laugh TOO hard yesterday!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31400926/ns/world_news-weird_news/?GT1=43001
Jam- I can’t take this name anymore.. By 1pm it is GONE 4eva!!!
-W8©*N8*
June 18th, 2009
12:35 pm
@DK- You can go to the Goodwill in Alpharetta on HWY 9 and find Polo gear with the tags still on them…don’t tell anybody It will be our secret…Oh yeah I am shoe whore also. I am not going to give up my Gucci loafer connect publicly..lol..ooh snap..we need to get the lil boys and go shopping..my son’s mother dresses him and kiddie fun clothes..I dress him in button down collared shirts, cardigans..slacks lil blazers..lol..unless we are going fishing or something..Man being a father is the best..I love my daughter to death..but the mini me…is just plain old fun and surprising all of the time…that lil’ tude of his is hilarious..I just had him for a bit lastnight…Im calling his mom and teling her its mandatory MAN TIME tonight.
Cemeeli
June 18th, 2009
12:36 pm
Staceye Crystal light the peach raspberry is the drink!! But i cain’t have too much…since i’ve found all these drinks my water intake has not been so good.
Raw nuts, dried fruits, kettle chips, veggie chips…..are the next best snack other than fruit for kids and grown ups too.
Let’s see if i can run to Trader real quick.
Staceye AKA Black Mamba AKA Xiomara
June 18th, 2009
12:36 pm
WISE…the Moor Mud wrap, the slimming and tonning wrap are good. I want to try the detoxifiying wrap.
W8..I too have the baby baby waterhose treatment. They know what’s up. They smile afterwards like, “ha ha sucka…I got you”!
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 18th, 2009
12:37 pm
Amazon – Truth and I have had that convo and it didnt go very well.. We are totally on the opposite sides of the fence because i feel you have to give that childs Father some level of respect. See if it were a woman there would be new laws on the books but since we are dudes and we dont contribute anything to our childrens lives we sould just accept another guy telling us that we should back out of our kids life.. Man that dont even sound right coming from a cat who’s a fixture in my childs life and I’m sure it doesnt sound right for any Real DAD.
-W8©*N8*
June 18th, 2009
12:38 pm
@Ce- go to Felienes basement..cheaper than the outlets
@For Real _- I instill respect in my kids by any means necessary..lol
Shandra aka Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
12:38 pm
Cee- I need to go to that place.. Maybe next week we could run there together
Grace
June 18th, 2009
12:39 pm
Lioness @ your 12154 – a man who doesn’t take any responsiblity in taking care of his child(ren) have NO place in my life! If he could care less about his child what makes me think that he would take care of me?
AmazonRed™
June 18th, 2009
12:41 pm
You and I can test the waters all we want but when it comes to my kids you will have to jump in head first.
Sounds like a recipe for disaster. If she’s gonna be your wife, you’ll need to trust her with you kid beforehand. The roles and responsibility of a wife and a mother are two differnt things and you’ll need to screen for both roles, not just one.
M'
June 18th, 2009
12:42 pm
@WD
True, there have been some very good insights from the bro’s point of view today.
Shandra aka Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
12:43 pm
Grace- I TOTALLY feel you! Listening to some of the dudes on here, you wouldn’t find out that that was the case until you are neck deep in love with them..
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 18th, 2009
12:44 pm
Amazon – Oh yeah now its coming back to me.. I told truth that he’s technically not the head of that household because my money is coming there also. I said there is a easy fix.. Tell her to give me custody and ya’ll pay me child support and I’ll keep it 100..
-W8©*N8*
June 18th, 2009
12:46 pm
@DK- I wish my son’s mothers new man would tell me to back off..If they were married I would respect the household..but that is MY son..My son would have to abide by the rules of the household that he lives in..but to tell me to back off..lmao..I am to much of a man for him to even say that type of crap to me..lmao that is just funny….Oh yea Goodwill in Alpharetta Polo with tags still on them, located off of HWY 9…I have a guy that makes custom shirts etc.also for the low..quality stuff…we need to go shoppingg!!! lmao..
AmazonRed™
June 18th, 2009
12:49 pm
I have two boys and their mom is only 5′4″ my oldest is already 2ft taller than she
Uh…your kid is 7′4?
Wise Diva
June 18th, 2009
12:49 pm
Thanks Black Mamba/Xiomara
@Infamous, I love it when you pop in, you always convey your opinion in a way that makes me think deeper.
I’m not currently seeing anyone with kids, but I’m marinating on so much of what has been said already!
Shandra aka Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
12:52 pm
Ared-
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 18th, 2009
12:52 pm
W8 – You already know.. I got the Lil one this weekend so I might have to do a little light shopping.
I just see it as respect of everybody’s position cause I aint going anywhere and I’m ok with her marrying someone else but I’m just not ok with being pushed out my childs life. I am a true fathers advocate because I know what it took for me to get joint legal custody. I know how much money I had to spend to even get the courts to hear my plea. Now for some new booty to come up to me and say anything about what I do with my child, he’ll probably get all the frustration I had dealing with the court system unleashed on him.
Tracee aka TiTi @ 47
June 18th, 2009
12:53 pm
Voice of Experience! I learned the hard way about the blended family thing. I totally mistook a man that was raising his children as a nuturing man. . NOT! Parenting styles can be soooo different. If you want to marry a man/woman with child(ren) be patient! All children are different and there is no set standard in raising a child. Parents (biological and non) must have clear and understood rules and principals in which to guide your children to adulthood AS A FAMILY which includes all adults involved! You gotta be on the same page or you might as well just give it. Amazon Red has the right idea.
Alvin
June 18th, 2009
12:55 pm
All…thanks for the love…but I believe my mind was hi-jack by Demi, LOL
DK…you are so right…I didn’t know what love is or was, until li’Demi came along. Dude force me to grown up with a quickness, LOL
For Real…that’s the thing about stand up dad…(They ignored her so I asked both of them for their games and promply thru them out of the window)…we don’t play that bullish!! Ladies, I am speaking only of stand up fathers, not the lames….I don’t want no shoes flying my way
Staceye…arte your tubes tie yet? Don’t be those moms having babies at 40, talking about, “Dayum what a blessing my baby is…IN MY LIFE!!” lol
Mayne…how bout lil dude just called me…without his mom knowing…and said, “ALVIN!!! Luv U…BYE!!” LOL…mayne I miss his uptonogoodbouttogetintosometroubleahhhhhshytivedonefuggupnowletmetrytoputitbacktogetherahhhshytdonefuggitupworse…first words out of his mouth, “I luv you!” while trying his damnest to look cute and adoreable…the nerves of li’demi!!! But he knows that mess don’t work with me, LOL.
It’s in God’s hand now…but the memories will live on./i>
LOL
Shandra aka Lioness- Just Keeping it Real!
June 18th, 2009
12:57 pm
Demi- “ALVIN!!! Luv U…BYE!!”<– AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
THE INFAMOUS DK
June 18th, 2009
12:58 pm
Wise – Hey thanks..
And Ladies I know its a bunchhhhh of deadbeat dudes out there.. Some because they sorry and some because their baby moms are psychos but whatever the reason, they will pay for that later on and so will you if you are being a Biatch keeping that child away from their father.
Oh and on a blog side note. I love the kids and know how to make em too.. Love to practicing making them..
Vick
June 18th, 2009
12:58 pm
RElationship kids involved is just a tough spot to be, I just with not to be in that situation. Period!!
SexyCool - Like a tight verse over a hot track
June 18th, 2009
1:01 pm
English is not your first language, huh?