Elevate Your Status
Single men in Atlanta seem to have a lot of options. When they put in time, energy and money in pursuing a woman, they take a risk. It’s our job as ladies to reciprocate when the men are giving us quality attention. The the longer we take to do this the more likely the guy will think you are playing games.
Unfortunately some women tend to string guys along until another man steps up or until they think the man is into her enough. I think there is usually a good reason for a woman who is not actively trying to elevate her status in a man’s life. She may be unsure about him, not interested, or possibly deciding between two options.
Ladies, how do you elevate your status in a man’s life? Is it up to you or the guy to do this? Do you think reciprocating his gestures is important in dating?
Guys, when do you notice reciprocity (or lack of it) in the women that you date? Do you think it’s up to you or the woman you are dating to elevate their status from acquaintance to someone you are dating?
Happy Monday!
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307 comments Add your comment
AmazonRed™ - Lakers baby! - 2 down, 2 to go!
June 8th, 2009
8:57 am
Happy Monday everyone. It’s a full week in the office for me, after a couple of short weeks.
Hope everyone had a great weekend.
Ladies, how do you elevate your status in a man’s life?
I’m still keeping it simple in 2009. I’m not jockeying for position, I’m not in competition. I’m just putting my best foot forward. If a guy is bringing his best, he gets it in return. If he’s half-azzing it, he can remain on the bench until he’s ready to play.
But I do think reciprocity is important in dating, in relationships in life… no one wasts to be taken for granted or unappreciated.
Wilma
June 8th, 2009
9:11 am
I’m kind of bummed. I asked a blind date out to a friendly lunch last weekend. He lived two hours away, but didn’t really mind the nice drive up to the city. Paying for the gas and lunch tab is no big deal because I asked him out. I was disappointed that he didn’t proactively reach for the bill.
Going by what the men on this blog has said in the past, I just knew he was going to be a gentleman. I’m in the position where paying for a $50 lunch doesn’t put me in the poor house, but it would have been great if he would have let me see this side of him.
He failed miserably.
Am I wrong for being turned off? If he would have driven two hours to see me, I would have paid for lunch. I would have showed my appreciation for his time by grabbing the bill and insisting that I paid.
Dan
June 8th, 2009
9:13 am
Awww, WD, reciprocity <—–my favorite word! Thank you!
On the one hand, a lady shouldn’t have to “elevate her status”, because like you said in the post WD, if he’s taking the risk, there’s something there that he wants. In terms of reciprocity, the female need only reciprocate that same attention. When that doesn’t happen it’s not “games” per se, but a noted and unspoken lack of committment.
Guys these days aren’t about the “grand gesture”, if you have any hustle in you, you simply don’t have the time. By the same token, a guy that is trying to be steady and letting his actions speak for themselves (and the words when the need arises) is really doing all he can to show his value to the woman.
Where things go wrong, IMO is when the relationship is not reciprocal, when one party is exerting too much effort to make it work/happen/be. In those cases, I cut bait and walk away. Yes, I’ll let her know why, but by the time I’m “rettogo” there’s nothing more to say.
Lioness
June 8th, 2009
9:20 am
Good Morning All
Wilma- Are you serious?
Turd Ferguson
June 8th, 2009
9:29 am
Wilma…its you who failed, miserably. Hopefully his guy will decide to never see you again.
M.
June 8th, 2009
9:36 am
Reciprocity is the equalizer in dating to me. As a guy, this is the only way that you know if a girl is into you or not. Sometimes, women have this “try out for my team approach or impress me and let me know why I should pick you. I think guys have to find a balance between showing that they are interested but also not allowing themselves to be used. The worst judge of reciprocation is the planning of activities, dinners, etc. Yes the guy is supposed to make the move, but if she never takes any initiative, then that is a problem! Ladies, you are trying to get the #1 spot to so you are trying out for me and vice versa!
AmazonRed™ - Lakers baby! - 2 down, 2 to go!
June 8th, 2009
9:38 am
Paying for the gas and lunch tab is no big deal because I asked him out
Am I wrong for being turned off? If he would have driven two hours to see me, I would have paid for lunch.
So Wilma, which is it? You can’t have it both ways.
It’s not HIS fault you live 2 hours away. Next time, if you’re doing the asking, ask him to come meet you or meet halfway.
Sassy Me....I talk like this 'cause I can back it up :-)
June 8th, 2009
9:40 am
Happy Monday blog fam!!
Ladies, how do you elevate your status in a man’s life? Is it up to you or the guy to do this? Do you think reciprocating his gestures is important in dating?
I beleive in reciprocity and will treat a man how he treats me…if he half azzes then he gets treated accordingly(dissed and dismissed) BUT if he truly puts his best foot forward then I will reciprocate that as well b/c that’s only fair and the right thing to do. We(men/women) all like to feel appreciated for the nice things we do. All I can do is do me to the best of my ability ’cause that’s what I would like in return. I am very gracious with regards to reciprocity and have no problem showing it
Cemeeli
June 8th, 2009
9:41 am
Good morning!
I wonder if PoppaG had a better weekend than last w/e with that trip to the ER! He better come in here with better news than last Monday’s.
And Kym- What about the Atlanta Dreams double overtime win Saturday!?!? Was Saturda the season opener?
That darn Lioness!
Hey maam!
Sassy Me....I talk like this 'cause I can back it up :-)
June 8th, 2009
9:47 am
What about the Atlanta Dreams double overtime win Saturday!?!? Was Saturda the season opener?
It was the season opener and they kicked major butt…way to go ladies!! WOOHOO!!
Lioness
June 8th, 2009
9:49 am
Good Morning Cee My darling **batting eyelashes**
SexyCool
June 8th, 2009
9:50 am
Seems as if “Reciprocity” is the Word of the Day.
We indicate mutual interest. You pursue me properly. I make myself available and return your attention. Pretty simple.
The only thing I can control is me. I cannot actively do anything to elevate my status with a man. The Sexy and the Cool being just sexy and just cool should be just enough. If not, then we are probably not well suited for each other.
Three Words Daily – Never stop learning.
Lioness
June 8th, 2009
9:50 am
Wilma- Dude drove 2 hrs to have lunch? Nothing else?? Maybe that is why he didn’t pay for anything..
Miss QC
June 8th, 2009
9:52 am
Morning Bloggers……..GO LAKERS, GO LAKERS, GOOOOOOOOOOOO LAKERS
Have a great day/week everyone!
http://www.blackthen.com
AmazonRed™ - Lakers baby! - 2 down, 2 to go!
June 8th, 2009
9:53 am
Lioness, Wilma drove two hours. He already lived in the city.
East Point's Own
June 8th, 2009
9:54 am
I have heard some of the most ridiculous “rules” of dating lately such as:
1. “A woman should never call the man, until after they are seriously dating” – I told this young lady that if I have to call you 100% of the time you probably won’t hear from me after a week or so. I need you to show some type of interest.
2. “I am not dating taking any man seriously unless he tell me ‘baby I got you, you don’t have to work anymore’” _ I asked this young lady how do you expect a man to get to that point if you are not in a relationship first? Any man who comes at you like that off the bat is just a trick using his $$$ to get at women.
3. ” I am married until I am single”
I said all that to say that a lot of women feel like dating is on auto pilot, all they have to do is sit back, drink champagne and enjoy the ride. A lot of times by the time a woman decides that a guy has proven himself enough the guy is gearing up to move on… I think ladies should show signs of interest early ong, it does not have to be major, but you have to let a guy know that you are taking him seriously and you are not just along for a free ride.
Cemeeli
June 8th, 2009
9:56 am
Oh, elevate status….elevate status… is it up to me or him?
hmmm….If both parties are appreciative of one another’s gratuity/chivalrous acts/simpin or whatever you want to call it….then reciprocation is not hard at all.
…so sweet…Raqi had the babygirl! Did anyone get contact from them? I would like to send her something for baby.
Page1908
June 8th, 2009
9:57 am
LOL @ Lioness Personally, I would not have paid for his gas. The lunch, maybe, but the gas AND lunch? No.
Sinning Sindy
June 8th, 2009
9:57 am
Wilma should atleast have jumped in the backseat with him after lunch. I know I would!! tee hee.
Page1908
June 8th, 2009
10:00 am
OH! Ok, so Wilma drove to where he was and had lunch? Well, then he should have paid for the lunch. Plus, why was the lunch $50? Maybe I’m just cheap lol.
Tazzee
June 8th, 2009
10:02 am
Morning All!
AmRed, I’m like you – this will be my first full week in a while. I don’t even have any service calls at the house that will have me out of the office for a few hours.
Ladies, how do you elevate your status in a man’s life? Is it up to you or the guy to do this? Do you think reciprocating his gestures is important in dating?
I don’t do anything to elevate my status in a man’s life other than being me. If the me that I am is what he wants in a woman then we’re good. Similarly, I just want a guy to be himself and let me decide if that’s what I want.
I do believe that reciprocity is important in a relationship. The tricky part is accepting that the way gives is different than the way I give.
Cemeeli – how was your day at Stone Mountain?
SexyCool
June 8th, 2009
10:03 am
Wilma – a word of advice – Baby girl, you are doing too much.
I would have let HIM take the lead on asking for a date, choosing a location and making the two hour drive.
You have already let him know that you are willing to go the extra mile for him without having any requirements of him.
My expectation of common courtesy would have been that he at least made a cursory move toward the bill, but like common sense, common courtesy is no longer all that common.
So, yes, I would have been turned off. However, the turn off would have come long before the failure to pay the bill. It would have come at his failure to initiate the date and then his failure to at least suggest meeting you halfway.
Cemeeli
June 8th, 2009
10:06 am
Lioness – Batting my eyes right back at you. WHy did i stop @ Loehmann’s and freaked my card out Satruday? Yep, I was right in your woods, and lost my mind shopping before going to Stone Mountain for the picnic!
BTW Tazzee – Thanks for the listen in at EW&F! I already know it was a BLAST!!! I wish i was there.
Turd Ferguson
June 8th, 2009
10:06 am
Wilma…move on from this guy. You have demonstrated pure manipulation and he probably has picked up on it. He will be better off without you.
Sassy Me....I talk like this 'cause I can back it up :-)
June 8th, 2009
10:06 am
Wilma drove two hours. He already lived in the city.
Wilma once again I ask a question that’s already been posed “Are you serious?”. I mean you had good intentions and must really like him to drive two hours to have lunch with him. Usually it’s the person that initiates the date that pays but you seem miffed that he 1. Didn’t act or feign like he wanted to pay and 2. That he didn’t pay at all. Even though you said it wouldn’t have broken the bank to foot the bill you at least wanted him to reach for the bill and then you swooop in and do your “Independent Woman Roooaaaar” and handle it instead. What are you upset about?…really. What I have a problem with is you driving TWO HOURS to meet him and he didn’t object to THAT. I think if he was really into you he would’ve at least OFFERED TO MEET YOU HALFWAY….AT LEAST OFFERED even if you turned him down.
I wonder what he was thinking knowing he had a woman driving tow hours to have lunch with him AND knowing he didn’t have to pay for ANYTHING. Imma ask you a question….real talk…did you give him any?
Just a question not an accusation….we’re all adults here.
Cemeeli
June 8th, 2009
10:09 am
@ “but like common sense, common courtesy is no longer all that common.”
SexyCool – No that, there is the TRUTH! And the heat don’t make it no better for some folk! Lawd!
Grace
June 8th, 2009
10:10 am
I think that reciprocating his gestures in dating is important because it shows that you apprectiate his time and effort and I have no problem returning the same kind gestures.
Wilma if you ask then you pay it’s just that simple
I don’t think he deserves to be dissed because he didn’t offer to pay the bill, now if he didn’t show up for the lunch date that would be another story 
Sassy Me....I talk like this 'cause I can back it up :-)
June 8th, 2009
10:13 am
Wilma should atleast have jumped in the backseat with him after lunch. I know I would!! tee hee.
Sinning if you would still jump in the backseat with a dude that YOU drove TWO hours to meet AND payed for HIS lunch you moniker should read EAZZY or something else less savory…teehee
East Point's Own
June 8th, 2009
10:18 am
If you ask a guy out and he does not offer to pay how does he fail for that?
If a woman calls to ask a man out am is he supposed to pay for that too??? If he offers to pay that should be a pleasant delight, but umm… he should not lose points for not offering to pay if you asked him out.
http://hispointofview.com/2009/06/upgrade-lingerie/
Sinning Sindy
June 8th, 2009
10:20 am
Thanks Sassy. Dont be so upset cuz you know as well as I, that you wouldve jumped in the backseat like most females on this blog. The only difference is I admit it while the remainder of you do it on the sly. tee hee.
Wilma
June 8th, 2009
10:21 am
Thank you so much Page1908 and SexyCool!!!
I want to make it clear that what turned me off was that he didn’t reach for the bill. All he had to do was reach. I asked, I had intentions on paying. I know the rules.
East Point's Own
June 8th, 2009
10:23 am
And to address the topic at hand ( since my original post evaporated) Women don’t have to show full reciprocity, but at least shoe some sort of interest in the dude. You can’t sit back and think everything is on auto pilot.
All these rule sI have heard lately are pretty ridiculous such as:
” A woman should not call a man at all until they are in a serious relationship” If you feel that way you will probably not hear from me after a good week of me doing all the heavy lifting ( of the phone that is).
http://hispointofview.com/2009/06/upgrade-lingerie/
East Point's Own
June 8th, 2009
10:24 am
ridiculous
Sinning Sindy
June 8th, 2009
10:24 am
He shouldve reached to unbutton your blouse then you wouldnt be so upset about the bill.
East Point's Own
June 8th, 2009
10:24 am
LoL @ the blog filter…
Sassy Me....I talk like this 'cause I can back it up :-)
June 8th, 2009
10:25 am
Dont be so upset cuz you know as well as I, that you wouldve jumped in the backseat like most females on this blog. The only difference is I admit it while the remainder of you do it on the sly.
No boo boo I wouldn’t have but it’s all about choices and I understand your choice to be “friendly” with your cookie.
Wilma it’s okay, just use this as a learning lesson and put this guy in your past.
Sinning Sindy
June 8th, 2009
10:26 am
He shouldve reached to unbutton your blouse, then you wouldnt be so upset about him not reaching for the bill.
East Point's Own
June 8th, 2009
10:26 am
Now I do agree with the posters who question why he did not offer to drive to you or at least meet you half way…unless he had a reason he could not leave town, on the surface he appears to be wrong for that.. LoL UNLESS he is not really into you as much as you are into him…
Turd Ferguson
June 8th, 2009
10:27 am
Yes Wilma, as Sassy states “put him in your past” as Im sure he has already done the same.
SexyCool
June 8th, 2009
10:29 am
Sassy – Do not feed the animals. Thanks.
Sassy Me....I talk like this 'cause I can back it up :-)
June 8th, 2009
10:31 am
Do not feed the animals.
As I put away my treats……
Wilma
June 8th, 2009
10:33 am
East Point’s Own: I haven’t been up to ATL in a long time. I wanted to make the trip. Kill three birds with one stone. I was showing him my good qualities. Give and take. He certainly showed me his. I want a gentleman. You are not a gentleman if you don’t offer.
Keep in mind that everyone has a different definition of a gentleman.
Page1908
June 8th, 2009
10:33 am
ARed- FYI….the Laker Championship tshirts are already being sold on Crenshaw and Slauson of course lol. I told everyone in my family to get me one of each and some cute tank tops lol. I just realized I have enough Laker stuff to decorate a whole room. Can you believe I even have Lakers wall borders! lol Oh yeah, ok, so this weekend, I ventured out a couple of exits away from house and ended up at the Old National swap meet. OMG can you say HOOD!! I walked in and walked right out lol. And I thought Slauson was hood! There is also a little mini mart over there called “Hood Mart”! Lmao, omg i had to take a pic of that. Wow….the things I am seeing in ATL…priceless…lol
Dan
June 8th, 2009
10:34 am
@EPO
She put “being more into him” out there the minute she offered to drive 2 hours.
@Wilma
No one is blaming you for making an attempt to accomodate your date and being upset when the gesture of courtesy went unreturned. However, SC said it best DTM. If the roles were reversed, and the guy offered to drive 2 hours to see you for lunch (with no other business in the city you reside in), what would you surmise his intentions were?
As the ladies have said “don’t make someone a priority when they treat you as only an option”.
But, better luck next time
Wilma
June 8th, 2009
10:36 am
Dan, shut up! It was a blind date.
Sassy Me....I talk like this 'cause I can back it up :-)
June 8th, 2009
10:38 am
Wilma it’s cool that you got to kill all three birds BUT have you spoken with him since then?…if now then would you?
As the ladies have said “don’t make someone a priority when they treat you as only an option”. Excellent point…
Sassy Me....I talk like this 'cause I can back it up :-)
June 8th, 2009
10:39 am
That last part should’ve read “if not then would you”….my bad.
SexyCool
June 8th, 2009
10:48 am
Wilma – one last word of advice – obviously, you saw some redeeming qualities and felt some attraction for this gentleman. ONE social misstep or ONE flaw does not make a person all bad – ain’t none of us perfect, we all come short.
That being said, IF there remains any interest in dude whatsoever, sit back and let him make the next move. With his next step, see if he is leading you down a path you are willing to follow.
(Be prepared for him to do nothing.)
Dan
June 8th, 2009
10:49 am
@Wilma
No dis intended, darlin’.
Turd Ferguson
June 8th, 2009
10:49 am
I hope this gentleman has moved on to find someone that isnt so coniving and manipulative.