Coming Clean
If I am in a dating relationship with a guy, I don’t usually push him to close things off with other women. It just doesn’t work (oh yes, I have tried it!) and often times it backfires. Things go a lot smoother when the guy decides on his own that he wants to shut down his rotation or discontinue his booty procurement single guy behavior.
It usually doesn’t really take long when things are right between two people. You get to that point where you are spending all your time together and there is no room or desire for “the others.” I call “the others” any individual that can be called upon at any moment for rendezvous.
However, sometimes one (or both) of you, for whatever reason, backslides or slips up. Perhaps an ex whose statue of limitations seems to be infinity resurfaces; or maybe a bachelor/bachelorette party got too crazy. What do you do when you have done something with someone else? Do you come clean and fess up?
Has this ever happened to you? Were you the confessor or confessed to? How did you handle it? Did you respect their honesty and work through it? Did you call them names and give them the heave ho (er, no pun intended)?
If you are only dating and have not had any official talks of exclusivity, do you let the person know about “the others” that you haven’t quit yet?
Even after “the talk”, I have always thought that men need at least 90 days to wrap up loose ends, so to speak. I personally need a little time too! You know, let the fan club know there is a new President. Let them know that they can’t call me randomly at weird times anymore. How long does it take you to clean out your cell phone and put other interested parties on ice indefinitely?
Happy Wednesday!!
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482 comments Add your comment
Leggs
June 3rd, 2009
3:04 pm
@M, you’re absolutely right. Being from NY and moving here has left me open mouthed on many ocasions. However, watching that movie pure d disgusted me. I’ve only seen it that one time, but remember every damn scene. The Director made its point!
-W8©
June 3rd, 2009
3:06 pm
@PG- Really? It came out in ‘87 I think.. I was 14 at the time..it was hilarious to me..lol
kimmie
June 3rd, 2009
3:07 pm
Hollywood Shuffle was overrated to me too, Poppa.
Leggs – Color Purple disturbed me too. The only scene I really like was when Shug Avery and her pals from the juke joint march in the church where her estranged daddy was pastor singing “Maybe God Is Trying to Tell Me Something”! I always seem to tune to that part when it’s on tv.
Sassy – I didn’t like Danny Glover for awhile after that either. Still don’t really. I remember reading that Halle Berry broke her leg when they were filming the miniseries Queen, but Danny raised a stink that he did not have time to delay filming, so she filmed it in a lot of pain. That sealed it for me. Although, I did like To Sleep With Anger – have you or others on the blog seen that? I like it – kinda funny!
SexyCool
June 3rd, 2009
3:09 pm
I haven’t seen Hollywood Shuffle and don’t plan to either.
As for the crying over movies, yep – I tear up. I was feeling misty over something this weekend. Mid-mistiness – I stopped and thought, “You are such a wuss.”
Truly not amazed...
June 3rd, 2009
3:09 pm
@Sassy
Yes, I was totally floored when I researched and interviewed some Southern women, black and white, mostly from rural areas…and I learned that the chronological spectrum covered several generations of women who endured very similar treatment… for black women, the correlation between skin tone and physical unattractiveness (as a definitive measure of appearance scale) was mind blowing…the main correlation for white women was lack of educational opportunities and high levels of poverty…both groups then toe being coupled with the traditional patriarchal culture of the South.
Professor
June 3rd, 2009
3:09 pm
@Ared, I haven’t seen Hollywood Shuffle either.
Cemeeli
June 3rd, 2009
3:10 pm
Because i do not do horror/scary movies.
“Beloved” is the only movie that has really disturbed me.
Melo
June 3rd, 2009
3:10 pm
and Melo We’re gonna have to find a way to work around this regarding your request for that information…cuz your buffoonstress keeps threating me. She rejects the whole dayum thing…even tho your lives/well being(s) depend on it!…ain’t that a blip! LOL
U miss me on that Jamoca, but my zip,my zip,send me the info there!
Beautiful
June 3rd, 2009
3:11 pm
@GRACE
you are guilty of reading my posts and coming to wack azz conclusions!
i think i’m gonna broaden my horizons and take up a play this summer. thanks for the idea!
Poppa Grande
June 3rd, 2009
3:12 pm
Leggs
The Director made its point!
Spielberg is good at making his point, isn’t he?
Cee
I know my strengths as well as weaknesses. Honestly, I know her strengths and weaknesses. She can plan her tail off to the slightest detail, but sometimes it takes a second to get that push to do it.
I am a doer. I write a list of chores on our dry erase board to remind me of what chores to do that day. As i get them done, I mark them off. I know better than try to keep it in my head.
She knows that I would get what I felt that they deserved and be done with it.
-W8©
June 3rd, 2009
3:12 pm
Ok I let the guys go…and I let the one guy take the grill(he has the truck and the baseball bat)..since they knocked it over and broke the top during “whatever”..I think I will stay out on the porch, it’s nice out.
Beautiful
June 3rd, 2009
3:13 pm
it will be my excuse for wanting to visit san francisco again. i was in oakland sunday. i miss the bay.
-W8©
June 3rd, 2009
3:15 pm
LOL, soooooooo I’m the only one who liked Hollywood Shuffle?..that’s okay..lmao
Poppa Grande
June 3rd, 2009
3:18 pm
While I hate musicals, I LOVE horror flicks.
I know of some mom & pop video/DVD rental spots where I can rent Faces of Death which are real pictures of executions in other countries. Quartering and hearing the primal scream from that dude as each horse went a different direction. I couldn’t get enough…. Mrs. PG doesn’t care for it, though
AmazonRed™
June 3rd, 2009
3:18 pm
Hmmm….So Kimora Lee did have a baby with the Amistad guy. She looked preggars then she didn’t, and now she just gave birth. Alrighty then…
Cemeeli
June 3rd, 2009
3:19 pm
PoppaG I have 3 dry erase boards at the house, and they are “savers”. One cork board for bullietiens/memos. So i totally understand the point there.
My phone has so many bells that ring for reminders and I need to make CNN my homepage on my phone.
The school makes the 3-5 graders keep dry erase board handy- IT MANDATORY! My son hates his, becuase they are so bulky.
mytw♥cents is Funky...Always Hip Hop Junkie...
June 3rd, 2009
3:20 pm
LEGGs – My mommy used to say “Pure D” all the time
Thanks for the smile….
Cemeeli
June 3rd, 2009
3:21 pm
W8 – I saw it. LIke? hmmmm…ask me tomorrow. Lol
kimmie
June 3rd, 2009
3:21 pm
Amred – And Jennifer Hudson’s publicists are still denying she’s preggers, even though her friend admitted to the press that she gave her a baby shower this past weekend. I mean really, she’s grown, who cares?
Mo (aka Moeisha)
June 3rd, 2009
3:21 pm
W8 – I like Hollywood Shuffle too so you arent alone!
Tazzee – I was like you when I saw ARed’s question about the 5 Heartbeats! You have to see that movie!! LOL!
For Real – now you know Im gon need the ladder to reach that Remy, c’mon now Boo-ski
Poppa Grande
June 3rd, 2009
3:22 pm
W8
It was ok. Given the hype that I heard about it, it didn’t live up to the expectations that I had. They have been unrealistic expectations, but it didn’t live up to them.
Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)
June 3rd, 2009
3:23 pm
So Kimora Lee did have a baby with the Amistad guy. She looked preggars then she didn’t, and now she just gave birth. Alrighty then…
I think she was pregnant when the rumors started to swirl and when asked about it she was all “Yes I want to have more children….SOON”…..I KNOW Djimon was blowin’ her back out proper-like
-W8©
June 3rd, 2009
3:24 pm
@PG- Man I remember Faces of Death Videos..that was some raw stuff..
AmazonRed™
June 3rd, 2009
3:24 pm
Amred – And Jennifer Hudson’s publicists are still denying she’s preggers, even though her friend admitted to the press that she gave her a baby shower this past weekend. I mean really, she’s grown, who cares?
Dang kimmie – I thought it was official confirmed. Why do stars think they can hide pregnancy?
Maybe Jennifer wants to get a shotgun wedding out the way or something first.
Poppa Grande
June 3rd, 2009
3:25 pm
Kimmie
I mean really, she’s grown, who cares?
Maybe she wanted some privacy about this. She has had an emotional time since last fall after losing almost all of her family, then getting engaged and now possibly pregnant. That is alot to go through and to do it in the public eye is a lot. She might not totally be ready for this stuff.
Eileen aka Patiences of a Saint
June 3rd, 2009
3:26 pm
Ok, I got a hanger on or I let hang on… We were a couple for quite awhile, each thought the other was the one. Well long-short, we are not relationship compatible and called it back in September. I admit we tried to re-start (if you will) by talking again to see if we could work through our issues, but just couldn’t get where we needed to be (ONE). We love (not in love any more) and respect each other and will probably be friends for life. He’s joked around about me having a new BF and I’ve even thrown it back at him. When we called it quits I assumed that eventually we each would meet new people. I told him that I’m still sensitive about the demise of us and that I don’t feel comfortable discussing “my love life” with him … I’ve recently started spending more time with someone new and I just don’t care to share this information nor do I want to know if he’s doing the same.
The reason I’m not talking is because this relationship is brand new, I’ve not hung my hat on it. I guess my question is, is it necessary to hang final labels on either relationship or just ebb and flow?
-W8©
June 3rd, 2009
3:26 pm
W8 – I like Hollywood Shuffle too so you arent alone!
@Mo-Thank you (got me feeling like Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire when he left the Agency and ol’ girl decided to go with him…NOPE I didnt cry during that movie either)
Cemeeli
June 3rd, 2009
3:26 pm
@ W8 – I guess i’m the only one that’s disturb about “Beloved”…maybe i was a shelterd child.
Did you see it with Oprah, Danny and Kimberly Elise?
AmazonRed™
June 3rd, 2009
3:26 pm
I think she was pregnant when the rumors started to swirl
Sassy – Yeah, I thought she had denied the rumors, apparently not.
She still goes by Kimmora Lee Simmons. She’s divorced and just had a baby by another man. I think it’s okay for her to give Russell his name back.
Lord Velonese
June 3rd, 2009
3:27 pm
I have been sent move in the area of your Koba Hashatta, Koda Bahashatta, OH YES! Koba Hashatta, Koda Bahashatta OOOOOooooo.
Tazzee
June 3rd, 2009
3:28 pm
I think Jennifer didn’t want to discuss her private life, especially after the killings, but to flat out deny the pregnancy rumors was jacked. I just hope she has a safe delivery.
W8 – For some reason I can’t remember Hollywood Shuffle…I guess I didn’t like it that much.
Sassy – I KNOW Djimon was blowin’ her back out proper-like
Jamoca - 21st Century Pusha Guhl
June 3rd, 2009
3:28 pm
LOL @ W8 – you weren’t lyin’…you’sa sappy sumthin.
But that was heartfelt regarding your daughter.
Cee – You took the name of the movie right out of my mouth! The Color Purple I could stomach….but Beloved was just awful. I remember being on the hunt for Their Eyes Were Watching God and you now sometimes they’ll include another movie…and you got it – Beloved was the additional one. I had the hardest time trying to find it at any of the local stores (being sold without “B”). I really disliked that movie!
It would take everything within me to keep from breaking down if I were an actress in that film. It was too real.
M’(karyl) – Hey ma-ma! You just brought up something so interesting and disturbing. I have a few relatives (old heads) who are still so traumatized and “stuck” back in those days…sometimes it just sickens me. Such as being color struck. Little subliminals about being too dark or nappyheaded…to having good hair. And it shows from the way some of them treated some of the others when they were growing up.
Which is why I can’t stand it when someone…usually an “old head” says…”Is you outta yo’ cotton pickin’ mind”???!!!!…I’m like WTH’s wrong with ya’ll…???
AmazonRed™
June 3rd, 2009
3:29 pm
got me feeling like Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire when he left the Agency and ol’ girl decided to go with him…
W8 – You just mentioned Hollywood Shuffle like it’s some mainstream movie with mass appeal that everyone sees. They don’t play Hollywood Shuffle like they do the Color Purple, 5 Heartbeats or Coming to America.
Poppa Grande
June 3rd, 2009
3:29 pm
W8
That stuff was raw. That’s my type of reality entertainment.
My wife looks at me crazy sometimes. My favorite movie is Silence of the Lambs. I root for Hannibal every time. As if I didn’t know, what would happen
Cemeeli
June 3rd, 2009
3:31 pm
Thanks Jamoca I thought i was the only one that followed that movie. And then somehow i received the book too.
AmazonRed™
June 3rd, 2009
3:31 pm
I couldn’t even finish the book Beloved, let alone the movie.
kimmie
June 3rd, 2009
3:32 pm
Poppa – I agree. I feel bad for what she’s gone thru. After 7 months, you can’t hide it, unless you go “into” hiding.
-W8©
June 3rd, 2009
3:32 pm
@Ce- I have never watched “Beloved”..I am not an Oprah fan
Has anyone ever seen “White Man’s Burden” or “Rosewood”?
Poppa Grande
June 3rd, 2009
3:32 pm
I am not a Toni Morrison fan, so I had no desire to read the book or see the movie Beloved.
AmazonRed™
June 3rd, 2009
3:32 pm
My favorite movie is Silence of the Lambs.
PG – Why?
AmazonRed™
June 3rd, 2009
3:34 pm
“Rosewood”?
W8 – I was in college when it came out and we had a screening for the movie at a theatre on campus. Riviting story.
Staceye AKA Black Mamba
June 3rd, 2009
3:34 pm
“i honestly don’t want to know if my guy messed up. he’s a man! and this is what i expect of them . . . to cheat.” WTF??? It’s this kind of thinking that allows men to continue with their b*tch-a$$-ness. It’s liek saying go ahead…risk your life & mine. I can be stupid and turnt he blind eye because I am so desperate for a man that I will allow my pride to be stepped on and and my diginity deficated on! By all means…since you’re man…you cant be held accountable for your actions! SMDH
TRUTH…hi baby! Uh…di you say I guess I’ll have to settle for Omars Camel Steaks? Wow…I’d go vegetarian first!
I will go have a Swamp Thing in your honor until you return.
TAZZEE… I Love the Sound of Music. I did the play in school…yes…Furline Maria was played by Moi! I can Black & Austrian at the same time!
But really I htink I got it because I was the only Mezzo Soprano. Now thanks to acid relfux….my voice has been changed to Soprano 2….sometimes on good days hitting my former notes. Oh well… “The hills are alive”…. 
POPPA…sorry about your mami. Is she in chemo now?
LEGGS…Color Purple was a harsh reality about how Black women were treated…even by their own men. But imagine being a brown skin woman fresh off the boat from D.R barely speaking English in South. I have heard teh stories all my life.
ARED…Kimora had a son last week and his name is Kenzo (after the Japanese designer) Lee Housau.
W8…I LOVE Faces of Death ever since I was a child. I know…morbid even then!
Melo
June 3rd, 2009
3:35 pm
think Jennifer didn’t want to discuss her private life, especially after the killings, but to flat out deny the pregnancy rumors was jacked
Ared,that boyfriend of hers is sooooo laaaame.
Hw u gonna take advantage of a grieving chic,lending a shlder for her to cry on when u got an ulterior motive to bang her and get her preggars like that??
Talk of beating a woman when shes down,thats it right there!!
I doubt Jennifer even enjoyed the sexx(u cant call it luv making when u grieving ur dead mom)
What does dude do?
-W8©
June 3rd, 2009
3:36 pm
@ARed- probably cuz they can’t show it in rotation on regular tv..would be way to much controversy..
“The Winky Dinky Ho Cake… hoes gotta eat too.”
Staceye AKA Black Mamba
June 3rd, 2009
3:37 pm
ROSEWOOD P*SSED ME OFF SOMETHING TERRIBLE! I heard it was true story.
Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)
June 3rd, 2009
3:37 pm
I guess i’m the only one that’s disturb about “Beloved”…
Cameeli naw guul you ain’t the only one. On the real, back when I was in school I used to take alot of African American studies courses and of course slavery and some the ramifications of it were deeply discussed. Infanticide started on the “Middle Passage” when mothers would toss their babies over board b/c they didn’t want them to grow up slaves. Sethe’s charachter in the book/movie must’ve had the same motive. I really wanted to see the movie b/c the book was the bomb…unfortunately it was too deep and wasn’t well received in Hollywood. I still think Oprah did the right thing when she funded it. Toni Morrison writes alot of dark novels that are truly deep and equally as disturbing…I like Zora Neale Hurston,too.
Tazzee
June 3rd, 2009
3:37 pm
I read Beloved but I didn’t see the movie. After reading the book, I don’t think I could stomach the movie.
Staceye – you gon have me singing up in here!
Leggs
June 3rd, 2009
3:37 pm
@Cee, don’t know where I was when watching Beloved, but I walked out. Can’t watch stuff like that. I scare too easily and cry at the drop of a pin (yeah, I’m a wuss). I know this sounds old, but I love Reader’s Digest (always have) and cry at those stories all the time.
Melo
June 3rd, 2009
3:38 pm
Or that was Tazzee,my bad!
2 kisses for u booed girl
Poppa Grande
June 3rd, 2009
3:38 pm
W8
I’ve seen them both…I liked Rosewood better.