Coming Clean
If I am in a dating relationship with a guy, I don’t usually push him to close things off with other women. It just doesn’t work (oh yes, I have tried it!) and often times it backfires. Things go a lot smoother when the guy decides on his own that he wants to shut down his rotation or discontinue his booty procurement single guy behavior.
It usually doesn’t really take long when things are right between two people. You get to that point where you are spending all your time together and there is no room or desire for “the others.” I call “the others” any individual that can be called upon at any moment for rendezvous.
However, sometimes one (or both) of you, for whatever reason, backslides or slips up. Perhaps an ex whose statue of limitations seems to be infinity resurfaces; or maybe a bachelor/bachelorette party got too crazy. What do you do when you have done something with someone else? Do you come clean and fess up?
Has this ever happened to you? Were you the confessor or confessed to? How did you handle it? Did you respect their honesty and work through it? Did you call them names and give them the heave ho (er, no pun intended)?
If you are only dating and have not had any official talks of exclusivity, do you let the person know about “the others” that you haven’t quit yet?
Even after “the talk”, I have always thought that men need at least 90 days to wrap up loose ends, so to speak. I personally need a little time too! You know, let the fan club know there is a new President. Let them know that they can’t call me randomly at weird times anymore. How long does it take you to clean out your cell phone and put other interested parties on ice indefinitely?
Happy Wednesday!!
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482 comments Add your comment
Poppa Grande
June 3rd, 2009
1:39 pm
Tazzee
Do you consider The Five Heartbeats a musical?
Yes, but at least the singing makes since because they are a singing group. I can deal with that.
However, just breaking out in song for the heck of it, annoys me. The earliest movie that I remember getting annoyed by this spontaneous singing was while watch “Grease” as a kid. (I knew nothing about it, but my aunt took us because my cousin wanted to see it.) I remember saying “does everything that happens lead to a song?”.
I am annoyed by it with the Wizard of OZ and The Wiz (another of Mrs. PG’s favorites) as well.
Kimmie
Dreamgirls being a musical made sense to me. Like the Five Heartbeats, they were a singing group. You’d expect there to be sing.
Grease had singing at school, and anywhere that they saw fit.
AmazonRed™
June 3rd, 2009
1:39 pm
“The Color Purple” is a great musical/play see it with Ms. Fantasia this summer
I flew to NY and saw it on Broadway. It was very good. Fortunately, I saw it when LaChanze, who is a Tony award winner, was Celie and not Fantasia and I’m glad!
Tazzee
June 3rd, 2009
1:40 pm
DreamGirls for Screen on the Green? Sounds like a GNO, lemme send some emails….
Lioness- Wondering Where My Lunch Is
June 3rd, 2009
1:40 pm
I can’t stand when people go out and get me lunch!
Poppa Grande
June 3rd, 2009
1:41 pm
Cee
I was gonna see the Color Purple until I realized that Fantasia was in it. I am not here #1 fan at all.
Lioness- Wondering Where My Lunch Is
June 3rd, 2009
1:42 pm
Sad Stroy:
http://www.wsbtv.com/news/19642361/detail.html
The Truth-Turn me over in 20 minutes so I cook evenly
June 3rd, 2009
1:44 pm
Tazz, open confession, i cried in a play at the 14th street playhouse. It was so touching. The Talented 10th. I was glad the lights were off because I dont know how much longer I could sniffle like I had cold. Ok, enough open honesty. Now I have to slap the ish out of a muslim to balance all that out.
AmazonRed™
June 3rd, 2009
1:45 pm
DreamGirls for Screen on the Green? Sounds like a GNO, lemme send some emails….
Yes ma’am! I would so be there, but the Lakers are playing and we’re having a Game 1 party to cheer em to victory!
Cemeeli
June 3rd, 2009
1:46 pm
sigh,
I saw it with LaChanze as well, don’t think LaChanze Fantasia was out done by testimonies from friends that seen both. I saw it here at the Fox. It was good – I like musicals so i was happy.
-W8©
June 3rd, 2009
1:46 pm
@Beautiful- your addition of the word “some” cleared things up a bit for me
Is anyone going to see Howard Hewitt and Keith Washington off of Powers Ferry on Thursday Night
Tazzee
June 3rd, 2009
1:46 pm
AmRed – I saw LaChanze too and she was so Celie, I wanted to see Fantasia but I liked LaChanze. There was one song that I felt Fantasia would have rocked, but other than that I’m glad I got LaChanze.
Poppa Grande
June 3rd, 2009
1:48 pm
Thanks brother-in-law!
No problem. Communication is key. Give him the information that he needs to make the best decision. Remember that men and women process things differently. Because of that, sometimes you have to make it plain for us and vice versa.
Cemeeli
June 3rd, 2009
1:48 pm
Today only.
Free root beer floats at Sonic for customer appreciation, between the hours of 8-midnight.
Beautiful
June 3rd, 2009
1:49 pm
b4 i forget, thanks for the laugh at the close of day yesterday. too funny.
Lioness- Listening to Break You Off by Roots
June 3rd, 2009
1:50 pm
Truth- That is cool that you are in touch with your sensitive side
I am very emotional sometimes.. I don’t watch the animal channel cause my heart HURTS watching it!
Cemeeli
June 3rd, 2009
1:50 pm
That 1:46 was:
I don’t know if Fantasia was out done by LaChanze according to testimonies from friends that seen both. I saw it here at the Fox. It was good – I like musicals so i was happy
Grace
June 3rd, 2009
1:51 pm
BEAUTIFUL I hope you’re not letting your boys hear you say that all men are cheaters, if you do you know you’re just setting them up to be cheaters too.
kimmie
June 3rd, 2009
1:51 pm
Tazzee – I’m wearing them now and no, I cannot tell the difference either. I wore them when I went to Athens last weekend, thinking all the walking I would be doing on concrete would really get the fitness going, but no dice. They are very comfortable to me, but I’m just going to have to jump on that treadmill and keep up with the martial arts classes!LOL!!
Poppa – I’m with you, I guess those about singing groups make sense. I hated Grease too!
Lioness – No, I’m not kidding. There has been so much drama with that situation! I’ve spoken about this friend before on the blog and been accused of being judgemental, but I’m just very concerned for my goddaughter. I speak out of love and genuinely want to help, not put down. There have been a few breakdowns from her daughter concerning her mother’s activities and the men she has brought around, but it’s been so much, I have not broached the subject lately on here. But it’s been horrible!
Tazzee
June 3rd, 2009
1:51 pm
I love Grease, The Wiz and The Wizard of Oz – I just love musicals.
AmRed – yeah my BF just brought up the game. I think we’re going to hit SOTG and then walk over to Stats to watch some of the game – well as long as I can hang before needing to trek my tail back to Vinings.
AmazonRed™
June 3rd, 2009
1:52 pm
I wanted to see Fantasia but I liked LaChanze.
Tazzee/Cemeeli – Is is too late? Is it gone from GA?
For some reason, Fantasia is just not a draw to me. But if someone was going to see it and asked me to go….I would.
I went to NY to see “Chicago” on Broadway and was told that Wayne Brady was playing the lawyer. I was so upset! I hate him. But the day of the show, there was someone else in the role, so I could enjoy it.
I went to see Cat on a Hot Tin Roof there too and was told Boris Kodjoe was taking over for Terrance Howard. As much as I lust after Boris…he can’t act. So I got myself to NY before Boris took over the role.
AmazonRed™
June 3rd, 2009
1:53 pm
Because of that, sometimes you have to make it plain for us
PG – I told him I wanted to go see Stevie Wonder and I wanted him to take me. Do you think that was plain enough?
kimmie
June 3rd, 2009
1:54 pm
Truth – You will always be my prince. Not my king, but prince, sure!LOL!!
kimmie
June 3rd, 2009
1:56 pm
Amred – You’re right, Boris is fine, but can’t act!
-W8©
June 3rd, 2009
1:57 pm
@Ce- Not a big fan of musicals..but my favorite is/was “Jelly’s Last Jam” w/Gregory Hines..I saw it when in NYC a long time ago..I do love things like Alvin Ailey’s Or Mark Morris’ dance groups.
Lioness- Listening to Break You Off by Roots
June 3rd, 2009
1:58 pm
Someone I love very dearly is treating me a certain kind of way today
Tazzee
June 3rd, 2009
1:59 pm
AmRed – it hasn’t come here yet (for the second run). I think it’s coming for two weeks in September but tix are on sale now. I might have to see it with Fantasia just so I can make an informed conclusion. I actually like Fantasia but I don’t know about her acting.
I remember us discussing Cat last year – Anika was GREAT in that play and I can’t imagine Boris playing Brick.
AmazonRed™
June 3rd, 2009
2:01 pm
I do love things like Alvin Ailey’s
W8 – An ex of mine knew I loved Alvin Ailey so he got us tickets to go see it for Valentines Day.
At the end, I asked him what he thought of it. I just knew he’d love it too. He made the
face and said it was “kinda gay.” 
Then he asked if I would go with a friend and not him in the future. 
At least he tried. Poor thing.
Poppa Grande
June 3rd, 2009
2:01 pm
AR
Do you think that was plain enough?
I dunno. How you said it is just as important as what you said. That is what I mean in making it plain. Most of us are visually stimulated (i.e. Tazzee’s dude seeing her cry strikes a cord), not verbally stimulated. Truth be told, sometimes my wife might as well be Charlie Brown teacher because her words sound just like that. However, she knows how to get my attention and make it plain for me.
At the risk of sounding like our old friend, Darrell, it is like those love languages. What you say can get lost in how you say it or not say it.
The Truth-Turn me over in 20 minutes so I cook evenly
June 3rd, 2009
2:03 pm
Ok, since I’m confessing I cried watching Beaches too. Who’d of thought it would a tearjerker? I’m still tough aren’t I?
Kimmie, we’ll just leave king for our “private” times. Wink Wink
AmazonRed™
June 3rd, 2009
2:04 pm
I dunno. How you said it is just as important as what you said.
PG – LOL. This this shows me that men are complicated too.
But you are right. We had our first fight and when we talked about it, I was surprised at his perspective. Cuz I told him EXACTLY what my problem was and he stil thought it was something totally different.
You know…being single doesn’t suck.
Cemeeli
June 3rd, 2009
2:05 pm
It has not come to Ga. It cam last summer when i saw it.
W8 Alvin Ailey is my joint. I broke my next trying to get to North Carolina to see them again this year for his 50th Year Tour. IT was fantastic!!!
I have framed my postcards at home. All the colors and dancers make me feel free! Lol
Tazzee
June 3rd, 2009
2:05 pm
AmRed – maybe you need to put on your Stevie Wonder collection and dance around while singing your favorite songs. When he sees how much you enjoy him, he’ll rush to buy the tickets
AmazonRed™
June 3rd, 2009
2:07 pm
Ok, since I’m confessing I cried watching Beaches too
Aw…*heart throb* for Truth.
There are two movies that made me boo hoo while watching. Beaches was one. Stepmom was the other. The scene when the kids are saying goodbye to mom. Something about a kid losing their mom just does it for me.
I didn’t cry in Titanic but my boyfriend (at the time) did!
-W8©
June 3rd, 2009
2:07 pm
@Ared – I Like it..lol
AmazonRed™
June 3rd, 2009
2:09 pm
AmRed – maybe you need to put on your Stevie Wonder collection and dance around while singing your favorite songs. When he sees how much you enjoy him, he’ll rush to buy the tickets
Tazzee – After I told him I wanted to go, he said he’d take care of it. Because of that, I haven’t brought it up again.
-W8©
June 3rd, 2009
2:09 pm
R.I.P.- Bowen Homes
Funny I used to do things to get arrested there..and in the end I arrested people there…well they are no more
Tazzee
June 3rd, 2009
2:10 pm
I must admit, I didn’t enjoy Alvin Ailey when I went. Maybe it was because I was sleepy that night. Or it could be because I’ve always wanted to sing on Broadway, but I’m not much of a dancer – thus the love for musicals but apathy for ballet.
Poppa Grande
June 3rd, 2009
2:11 pm
AR
I just feel that men are most affected by actions over words. As a result, I think that it gets easier after that.
Part of it probably comes from the that fact that many of us have said things that we know that we did not mean. As a result, actions speak louder than words to many of us.
Melo
June 3rd, 2009
2:15 pm
there are some men who have never cheated on their woman. Some of them post on here
I wld luv to hear those men speak for themselves.I am not surprised they dont do that in public,that often.
At best its crickets,cricketts,more crickets,when asked to cast the 1st stone.
Coz heiffers have a funny way of showing up,when u have forgotten about them,jus to have u on blast!
We got sinners all around us, i tell ya.
Cemeeli
June 3rd, 2009
2:16 pm
Bowen Homes is going down and the crowd is excited!
The Truth-Turn me over in 20 minutes so I cook evenly
June 3rd, 2009
2:16 pm
Poppa, gotta agree with the actions. I could really care less about what a chick says if she’s not doing something to back it up.
I saw Alvin Ailey the first time at UGA with my ex wife. THe women were packed in like cattle. I was in heaven. Same for plays in the atl.
Ared, do you ever take your mates to events? If so what type?
-W8©
June 3rd, 2009
2:17 pm
My stuff is packed that I am taking from my apartment here back to my home in Georgia..I left the Gas Grill out front to load up for my cousin when she comes to get it. I am here blogging minding my own business when I just hear “IF YOU TWO TRY AND SWING ON ME IMMA TAKE THIS BAT TO YA HEADS”..I think nothing of it..then I hear…”I aint playing with nan one of you”..at this point I want to go outside and check but then again I dont because I really don’t want to be obligated to intercede…then I hear a crash…I go outside..these fools are out front arguing over who is going to steal my grill..WTF..so anyway I am sitting here on the front porch with my laptop with 3 guys in handcuffs waiting on the police to get here. Oh yeah I took some pictures for our Wall of Shame at work.
AmazonRed™
June 3rd, 2009
2:18 pm
I just feel that men are most affected by actions over words.
PG – Are you saying that if I cried and acted like an emotional nutcase, I’d get farther then rationally telling him that I really want to go and want him to take me???
Go figure.
kimmie
June 3rd, 2009
2:19 pm
Truth – I’m so touched that you decided to let your guard down on the blog today and admit you’re an old “softie”!LOL!!
We’re going to put Truth’s posts today in the blog archives, to use against him later when he rolls up all gansta and hard!
Cemeeli
June 3rd, 2009
2:20 pm
“sometimes my wife might as well be Charlie Brown teacher because her words sound just like that.”
I had to chukle at that one because this is exactly what i thought men do when something the wifey/girlfriend is speaking about something that is not improtant to them.
Thanks for comming clean PoppaG.
Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)
June 3rd, 2009
2:20 pm
PoppaG – I LOVE musicals!!! Do you consider The Five Heartbeats a musical? It was on last night and I caught myself watching it like I’ve never seen it before.
Tazz I saw it last night,too and one of my favorite parts is in the beginning at the talent show when Duck told Choir Boy to “go to church” and after Choir boy sang he caught the spirit and was jumpin’ around while the other guys kept singing…hilarious.
Speaking of movies that made me cry, I remember the first time I saw “Imitation of Life” and at the very end when Mahalia Jackson sang at the funeral and later when old girl came running down the street and cried on her momma’s coffin I was almost snotty(eeww right,my bad).
kimmie
June 3rd, 2009
2:21 pm
W8 – Too much excitement for me!LOL!!
Tazzee
June 3rd, 2009
2:21 pm
W8 – that is hilarious! Wait a minute – the other two sat still while you handcuffed the first one? How did you managed to get all three handcuffed? Matta fact, I don’t believe you – you need to send those pictures to Tazzee@gmail.com post haste
Grace
June 3rd, 2009
2:22 pm
funknee W8 rockemsockem 3 guys down!
AmazonRed™
June 3rd, 2009
2:22 pm
Ared, do you ever take your mates to events? If so what type?
Truth – By “take” do you mean I secure the tickets and ask him to go and all that?
Typically no, I like concerts, plays, comedy shows, etc, usually I will tell him I want to go to XYZ and asks if he’ll get us tickets.
The last two times I tried to “take” the ex here is what happened: I ended up going with a girlfriend to Anthony Hamilton and Heather Headley because he didn’t want to go and when I got him Chris Rock tickets for his birthday I ended up selling them on StubHub because he wanted to go out with his boys that night.