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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Perplexed by the opposite sex

Happy Friday everyone! I had plans for a guest blogger today but we had to postpone for another day. I am fighting a cold and feeling woozy right now. So instead, I am running a post that some of you may have read before, enjoy!

Are there any questions that you always wanted to ask the opposite sex but were too afraid to ask? Or maybe you were too mad, frustrated, or irritated to really articulate a coherant question. Perhaps we can offer each other a little insight into the dating trends, attitudes, or behavior that we have seen, heard, or experienced.

My friend Panama had two doozies to start us off:  Why is it that you all are allowed to be maniacally inconsistent, but when a man does it, it’s a problem?

When you’re mad at me, you can turn your back in the bed, but if i do it…I’m wrong? Why can’t I roll over? If you start showing me your back, I’m going to show you mine.

I have some for the ladies too: Why do ladies sleep with a guy and then try to decipher if he wants a relationship or not? Why don’t some women understand how important it is to have a life, friends, and interests other than men? Why do women spend so much energy into what men are thinking, and where the relationship is headed? Are we genetically predisposed to not just enjoy the moment?

Of course I have a few for the guys:

Why do you think it is ok to stare and gaze at other women when you are in the company of a lady you really like? Why is it so tough to admit when you make a mistake? Why don’t you call your woman after you are in a committed relationship? Why do you feel like being in a relationship means the end of your freedom?

Why do you guys like to pretend that communicating with us is so difficult? I just don’t buy into the myth that men don’t talk. Why do women have to guess what you want or feel?

Maybe we can get some of our questions answered or hear a new perspective. Ask those burning questions, weigh in on other questions, share your experiences that may shed light on this rollercoaster ride we call dating!

442 comments Add your comment

Turd Fergusen

May 29th, 2009
8:42 am

Who cares about these silly childish questions and/or their answers. Attention Men, if they are any left. Your woman doesnt want some Johnny Milktoast yesman. She wants someone she can respect and not runover and flatten like a steamroller to hot asphalt.

If she starts being inconsistent then let her be so…dont ask the quesitons of “what is wrong, honey” and all that malarchy. Just get dressend and go out someplace. If she wants to accompany then fine if not then be sure to go anyway. Upon your return she will welcome you with open arms….COUNT ON IT.

Hey guys…you can turn your back anytime. Deny her sex every now and then and watch her come a running…its works everytime. Turn the tables on her…use her games against her and she will stop with the BS. May take a week or two but will be worth the harmony it brings long-term.

And for all you “ladies” that will dispute what I say…SHUT UP and bring me a beer.

Raqi...Perplexed but not in despair

May 29th, 2009
8:44 am

As women we do experience emotional highs and lows, I will admit that. The alphabet man has already determined that all women are bipolar liars. He is ½ way correct. I can note a few times mi marido having that WTF look on his face when my response or actions totally confused him. But hey that life nature at it’s best. LOL

When it comes to what is allowable between the sexes most complain of double standards. Well my dear double standards are to be embraced. Get in where you fit in. My favorite one, I will not try to sleep around date like a man, and you don’t try to wear my underwear.

The question that I really would like answered in one from the entry: Why do women have to guess what you want or feel?

I mean forget all that boy talk “suck it up and be a man”. The one question I know I have asked every man in my life past and present, my husbands, sons, brothers, friends, exes, “if you don’t tell me what the problem is how can I help you”.

East Point's Own

May 29th, 2009
8:52 am

East Point's Own

May 29th, 2009
8:54 am

Let’s skip breakfast today… who’s got the drinks???

East Point's Own

May 29th, 2009
8:57 am

Raqi Who says that men always feel like they need help with every problem… SOmetimes sure, but other times you just have to give a person space and let them work through certain things…If I have a problem I will tell my woman (when I have one) But sometimes there are those things I need to just work out in my head without someone constantly asking me “what’s wrong?”

Wise Diva

May 29th, 2009
9:00 am

Good morning, had to start off saying Happy Birthday Tazzee!!

Cemeeli

May 29th, 2009
9:00 am

Happy Birthday Tazzee Mae!!!

Kym

May 29th, 2009
9:02 am

I think for the first time ever I actually may have to pose a question to the blog..

I would like for men (and women too) to please explain to me the difference between love and inlove?

I understand love has many facets..but I have a bit of a quandry right now and said person doesn’t seem to understand my answers no matter how well or (point blank) I phrase them. So today I seek first to understand and then to be understood. Love is______. Inlove is____.

Kym

May 29th, 2009
9:03 am

Happy Birthday Jazzy-Tazzee!!!

mytw♥tatas

May 29th, 2009
9:03 am

Why do men let certain attributes outweigh others…at first. Then get involved and get mad at her for being exactly who she is?

Why did I let IV REAL put Texas Pete on my tatas?

More foresight, less hindsight folks. Smooches!

Rell - hot s.ex on a platter

May 29th, 2009
9:13 am

word to the turd!!!!

Rell - hot s.ex on a platter

May 29th, 2009
9:15 am

happy bday tazzee…now where we dranking chica…..i say we all gets slizzard on some tequillllllllllllllllllllllllllla

Dan

May 29th, 2009
9:19 am

Happy Birthday, Ms. Tazzee!

@My@

I think you put an incorrect noun in your statement, that sounds like “women” should replace “men”, the process of seeing what/who you want to see in your mate is a decidely female trait.

@Kym

Love is: I like you as a person, I want to hang with you, I enjoy our time together, you get me. But there may not be as strong an attraction as I would want in a mate (not necessarily physical, but mentally, emotionally, etc. too). In other words, something is off – I don’t know what- but I do it’s there.

InLove is: I like you as a person, I want to hang with you, I enjoy your company, you get me. I want to do for you, I want to provide/protect/share my life with you. Something may be wrong – I don’t know what – and I love you enough to not care.

On topic:

Guys (at least from the ones I talk to about it) often lament the “what could have been” in relationships. Some feel like they don’t have enough “experience” and some want more. Some fear their desires being beholdent to that one woman.

But the ones that have exhausted all possibilities and “experienced” what they deem to be enough “life” are the most happy of the bunch. I think Chasing Amy had a line that describes it best “…[I] came to this on my own terms. Not what my friends, family, or society told me was the schedule, but in my own way, on my own terms…..”

Professor

May 29th, 2009
9:25 am

Good Morning!!!

Kym, I like your question I have always been baffled by the two. When I think of love I always think of those deep interpersonal feelings and emotions that are shared between two people. For some reason, when I hear a woman/man say, “I love you but I am not in love with you.” I feel they still cherish those memories of the past, but they do not have the strength, effort or maybe desire to continue building a relationship with you…they do not want to move forward, although feelings and emotions still lives in the heart. One thing I know about love is that you do not have to take love from someone else in order to give it to another person. Human beings were created with a never-ending abundance of love. So, I feel that it is easy to love someone and cherish the memories of the past, yet open your heart and be in love with someone else.

Turd Fergusen

May 29th, 2009
9:25 am

“difference between love and inlove?”

If its just love or has reduced to just love then that = friendship.
If its “in love” then its well beyond friendship and into the romance aspsects.

Simple enough?

-W8©

May 29th, 2009
9:25 am

@Turd- I have to agree with you
@Tazzee- Happy Bday
@Kym- Love..you care…inlove..you care enough to make a difference
@My.02- Cuz some women do not let the real “them” be known until you are knee deep in a relationship..i.e she is not being exactly who she is right off the bat.

@Women-
1. Why do you try and convince men that you are “this” and “that” and what you would do and never do? Those are usually key indicators that you are exactly those things that you portray not to be.

2. Why is every conversation always so deep, relax a little and let us get to know you.

3. Sex is not a tool to get a man, so why do you bother?

4. Do you really think it’s attractive to hear all of your dating stories, filthy mouth and how independent you are every time you open your mouth?

5. Do you think that if you set back and just be who yo are that you will attract the type of man that you deserve?

6. Most guys will have you pegged after a week of knowing you and will determine how far he is willing to go very soon there after.

Raqi...Perplexed but not in despair

May 29th, 2009
9:25 am

Happy Birthday Tazzee

Cemeeli

May 29th, 2009
9:26 am

- Steve and Nephew Tommy were hilarious this morning riding into work. They let loose and enjoyed Friday morning. Silly bruhs.

- Anyone that lives, or work in the Vinings district – go by Publix @ Cumberland Pkwy and get you a few of their chocolate covered strawberries! Then slap a co-worker for asking for one and they didn’t put in.

- Kids are off the chain the last day of school! I love to laugh with children…:)

P.S. Today is going to be BEAUTIFUL, warm Friday in HotLanta! Tazzee enjoy your day to fullest gurl!

AmazonRed™

May 29th, 2009
9:26 am

Happy Birthday Tazmania K. Jankins!!!!

Hope you have a fabulous day and the outting with the gals set your bday off RIGHT last night!

Cemeeli

May 29th, 2009
9:27 am

To me.

Love – unconditional
In Love – an emotional language

My tanks on E. So that‘s all the Q&A I handle for the rest of the day. I will not be influenced. :razz:

AmazonRed™

May 29th, 2009
9:27 am

Anyone that lives, or work in the Vinings district – go by Publix @ Cumberland Pkwy and get you a few of their chocolate covered strawberries!

Thanks Cemeeli!

Cuz I sure did have a FB status that read: Happiness is chocolate covered strawberries. :lol:

Turd Fergusen

May 29th, 2009
9:27 am

OH…PS…if the relationship has moved to “I love you but am just not inlove with you any longer” it means your significant other is seeing or planning to see someone else. The consulation prize here would be honesty.

*POOT*

East Point's Own

May 29th, 2009
9:29 am

“Love” is General, you should have “Love” for all of mankind, you love your family, you love your kids. Now I do not take the term “Love” lightly its just a bit lesser than “In Love” which has only 1 meaning to me.

“In Love” is reserved for your mate.

AmazonRed™

May 29th, 2009
9:33 am

Grrr… usually the job has breakfast catered every Friday. Most often I can take it or leave it. Driving in, I realized I was hungry, so I was planning to eat breakfast today. Wouldn’t you know….NO BREAKFAST. :evil: Wonder if I can make a Dunkin Donuts run or something…

M'

May 29th, 2009
9:35 am

EPO…uh, let’s try to wait until at least 11 am…lol…that is what I am going to do :wink:

Perplexed…naw, I have gotten too old for that.

Professor

May 29th, 2009
9:36 am

@W8 interesting questions…I decided to answer/comment on a few:

Sex is not a tool to get a man, so why do you bother?

Weight, my Daddy gave me the birds and the bees’ talk and he covered this. So I always knew that sex was not a tool to get a man and I never used it for that. My dad also told me that getting pregnant would not keep a man either. Needless to say daddy advice plays in my ear and I am grateful for it.

Why do you try and convince men that you are “this” and “that” and what you would do and never do? Those are usually key indicators that you are exactly those things that you portray not to be.

That has never been my MO. I feel that trying to be something that you are not, you miss the person that you are.

Do you think that if you set back and just be who you are that you will attract the type of man that you deserve?

I do believe that being me will attract the type of man that I deserve, and on a deeper level I think I will not have all of the problems associated with the surprises after 6months to a year if we both are being who we are.

Cemeeli

May 29th, 2009
9:42 am

ARed Really they are good. But not ever as good as Edible Arrangements @ StoneCrest Pkwy or CampCreek Pkwy – If you stop by tell ‘em Cee sent cha’. :wink:

HDB

May 29th, 2009
9:43 am

A few things here:

1) “Why is it that you all are allowed to be maniacally inconsistent, but when a man does it, it’s a problem?”

If the answer were obvious, this wouldn’t be an issue, would it?? I’m still searching for ANY answer to this one; why do you think men can’t understand women?? Ladies – PLEASE read Steve Harvey’s book; it should be REQUIRED READING for ALL WOMEN!

2) Why do you guys like to pretend that communicating with us is so difficult? I just don’t buy into the myth that men don’t talk. Why do women have to guess what you want or feel?

Women MAKE communication difficult; you rather have bits and pieces rather than waiting to get the WHOLE THING!! Men don’t talk, they ACT. When we see a problem, we like to think about the options, develop a game plan, invoke it…THEN talk about it! Women want to talk…and talk….and talk…without determining a course of action. When we men have things together to the point that we CAN talk about them…we WILL!! You tell us to be patient with you when you’re shopping for shoes….an UNIMPORTANT thing to us; therefore, why can’t yu be patient with us men when we are considering the IMPORTANT things??? Women are emotional; men are logical.

3) “When you’re mad at me, you can turn your back in the bed, but if i do it…I’m wrong? Why can’t I roll over?”

Women’s emotions always make them believe that they are always right…even when they KNOW they are wrong! We men have to admit to our mistakes, but women refuse to admit to theirs. When the woman is mad at me, I won’t sleep in the same bed with her; it’s easier to keep the peace by KEEPING THE DISTANCE!! My mother’s prescription was this: “Never go to bed angry!” Women LOVE to remember issues; men try to get past them and forget. Women need to develop a SHORT TERM MEMORY, put the insignificant things in them…and LET THEM GO!!!

AmazonRed™

May 29th, 2009
9:44 am

If you stop by tell ‘em Cee sent cha’.

Yes ma’am. :)

Cemeeli

May 29th, 2009
9:44 am

Dinkin Donuts is in a weird spot at Home Depot.

W8 Dang! All the questions make me uncomfortable are you the po-po?!!!? :)

Raqi...Perplexed but not in despair

May 29th, 2009
9:45 am

Sex is not a tool to get a man, so why do you bother?

W-eight why do we bother what? Having sex with you all?

-W8©

May 29th, 2009
9:47 am

@Professor- Thanks for the feedback
@HDB- Let the Church say “Amen”

Rell - hot s.ex on a platter

May 29th, 2009
9:49 am

TURD you dead on with your 9:27

-W8©

May 29th, 2009
9:50 am

@Ce- ummm noo..lol
@Raqi- I guess I could have gone into detail a bit further..In the initial stages when some women talk about “how good it’s gong to be when you get it” etc etc etc. Why not just let things flow and when it happens it happens…I am saying do you sex as an advertisement to get me to buy into you…Oh maybe I should just be quiet today or until I can relay my thoughts a little bit better.

Raqi...Perplexed but not in despair

May 29th, 2009
9:52 am

When you’re mad at me, you can turn your back in the bed

Imma tackle part of that question.

Women, most (mainly me, mostly), do not want to have sex until we make up. Men have sex to make up.

Melo

May 29th, 2009
9:54 am

Happy Birthday Tazz!
On topic:
Why do u all put time limits to when we can start having sexx,kiss etc ..
If u feel like it and wanna jump my bones now, why not jus do it,instead of faking it and following what ur friends say and use this irrational time parameter,which means nothing??

Why do u have to ask me how u look or if i like what u wearing? What is the mirror telling u? If i dont i will tell u,aint that simple :lol:

Why are uall so low self esteemed? If i compliment another lady in ur presence iam not saying anything negative about u, in code.

If we have sexx it dont mean we are in a long term relatiosnhip.It just means u wanted to blaze me and i wanted to blaze u too.Is that so complicated to grasp??
And why do uall act as if i have taken smething from yu after we sexxed?? I left the fruitty fruit there :arrow: ,where i found it,didnt I??
We had a long term relationship for 4 years,u wanted marriage,it did not work out so we broke up,why do u have to skip town??

Tell me what u really thoght when u decided to splash that tattoo on ur tattas?? U really like how u look??
Why do u have to make gestures,hair spins,etc to attract my attention?? Why not step to me and compliment me on what u like about me,my suit,pants,height,smile etc then start a convo??? Why act so hard up when u know u feeling me??

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 29th, 2009
9:55 am

Happy burfday Tazzeeeeeeee!!!!! :)

Why do ladies sleep with a guy and then try to decipher if he wants a relationship or not? Why don’t some women understand how important it is to have a life, friends, and interests other than men? Why do women spend so much energy into what men are thinking, and where the relationship is headed?

At this stage in my life if I choose to be intimate with someone WE BOTH have a pretty clear understanding of what it is we want from the “situation”…be it a relationship or not. Unfortunately there are some women out there that are afraid to be alone or just don’t want to and feel the NEED to have a man around….gladly I’m not one of those. As for spending my every waking hour wondering “so what are we now” I take my time and gauge the situation based upon how he acts and how he treats me. At some point the question may arise but I’m not going to beat him over the head with it b/c I wouldn’t want that done to me. Growing up and even now I’ve had more male friends than female and I listen to them talk and I’ve come to understand alot.

Dan

May 29th, 2009
9:55 am

@Raqi

But what better way to say “I’m sorry” (without either party having to lose hand by apologizing first), than sex?

Rell - hot s.ex on a platter

May 29th, 2009
9:55 am

i hope this does not spiral into a full on finger pointing session..with the sun out this is time for baby making practice….ok who has a juicy story to share

-W8©

May 29th, 2009
9:57 am

@Raqi_ If my woman turns her back to me in bed that is almost a certain way for us to have sex..lol

**Blanket Statement** ON that sleeping in the other room stuff, I pay a mortgage to sleep in the bed in the master bedroom. In the past if she gets mad and goes to another bedroom or the couch..I let her fall asleep good and well then I go pick her azz up and bring her to bed with me and just keep her there..we may not talk but she knows if she goes back out..I will be right back there picking her up and bringing her back to bed(been there done that)..so if she wants to get some sleep she might as well stay in the bedroom with me.

Raqi...Perplexed but not in despair

May 29th, 2009
9:57 am

“how good it’s gong to be when you get it” etc etc etc.

Weight First of all, how old are these ^ women?

And (b) those women probably do so because a lot of men on most days are in the XP mode of getting to the sex.

Mo (aka Moeisha- TGIF!)

May 29th, 2009
10:02 am

Morning All!!

HAPPY B-Day Tazzee!!!

Raqi – I am cosigning your 9:52 chica. Dead on!

Leggs

May 29th, 2009
10:03 am

Good morning!

@Cee, In my opinion “in love” = unconditional. When you’re in love w/a person you can tolerate/accept so much more with ease. When you “love” a person you listen, accept and not put too much time/emotion into fixing what’s broken. Being in love makes you do flips and nothing is looked at as being insurmountable!!!

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 29th, 2009
10:03 am

In the initial stages when some women talk about “how good it’s gong to be when you get it” etc etc etc. Why not just let things flow and when it happens it happens…

W8 I’m with you on that..I don’t like to be pressed so in return I don’t do it to men. I strongly dislike being asked 1000 questions or nagged so I don’t do it….I also don’t like to be “tracked” with that “where you at” or “whatchu doin” so I don’t do it. I’m like let’s just sit back and chill and let ish unfold.

Leggs

May 29th, 2009
10:04 am

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TAZZEE! Hope your day is filled with wonder and lots of smiles!

-W8©

May 29th, 2009
10:07 am

@Raqi- Age’s are over 30….now don’t get me wrong thats not all women..I have met some where the sex talk didn’t didn’t come up at all..and the “sessions” were great..but on the other hand I’ve had some who talked a good game and were appealing to the eye (nice figure) and they sucked..lmao

Raqi...Perplexed but not in despair

May 29th, 2009
10:07 am

Dan / Weight for me, make up sex is for reconnecting after we make up. After we have solved and finished the matter. For men, you all, him, it seems to more of a means to solve and finish the matter. If I am angry at you we need to fix that before I want to be with you again. (Disclaimer: (I have to remember to include these, LOL) This is not always the case but merely how I feel)

Now as I was saying if I am angry at you we need to fix that before I want to be with you again. Once the matter is solved then we can get it on. Now if you are mad at me and having sex makes it all better for you then fine but don’t expect me to be like you.

-W8©

May 29th, 2009
10:09 am

In an effort to not lose my post entry I always copy what I have typed just in case the blog monster eats the original..lol

Oh yeah it’s W8 as in “wait” not W8 as in “weight”..lol

kimmie

May 29th, 2009
10:11 am

Happy Friday Gang!! It’s gonna be a good day, heeyyy!

W8 – Did not get to answer your question about homecoming at UGA. Since graduation I have only been to one! I plan to do better since I finally joined the alumni association. But make no mistake, I’m a dawg fan thru & thru! Loyal to the bone! I have so much paraphanelia(sp) it is ridiculous. Mostly given by family & friends, but still! It’s all good though! I was dating this dude that moved to DC and lived near Howard. He’s a dawg too. How about he found this little pub near the Howard campus where the DC chapter of the alumni association met to watch games! That particular Saturday the Florida game was on. They were passing out plastic beer mugs with the logo on them and everything. And being that it was UGA alum, you can guess the major demographic! Had a blast though! I also like you – ride or die about the Falcons, Hawks, and any other GA team!

On topic – Uuhh, who cares? I’m like M’ at this point, too old to be perplexed. So we’re all different and have our quirks – that’s what makes it all interesting!LOL!!

Leggs

May 29th, 2009
10:11 am

Hey, Dan. Your answer is typical for a man. I agree w/Raqi. It’s difficult to have sex when angry. Although I hear it’s very intense and high energized. Men can do it easier than some women because our emotions are tied into that anger and you guys simply want to shake your joystick and keep it moving….some can’t do that so easily after an agrument. (Note to self: look into that angry sex phenomenon)!