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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Put your foot down

One of the frustrating things about the dating scene is dealing with disrespect. It seems inevitable that you run into that person who is inconsiderate, inexperienced, or flat out clueless. You would think that the older we get, the less likely we are to meet this type of person. Sadly, that is not always the case and then you have to put your foot down.

If a guy has some bad behavior that is unacceptable to me, I always wonder how he has managed to get away with it. I mean,  all the women he dated never told him when he was being a jerk? Have you ever met or dated someone who was unaware of their bad dating behavior? Did you call them out on it? How did they respond.

Are you guilty of any behaviors that others have called out before? I once had a guy call me out on being late all the time. He finally had to put his foot down and let me know that he wouldn’t tolerate it anymore. So much for being fashionably late! He saw it as disrespectful and he let me know. I quickly corrected that problem and now I am always on time or early for dates

How do you put your foot down or call someone out without alienating them?

478 comments Add your comment

kimmie

May 28th, 2009
2:43 pm

W8 – I absolutely love men and I treat all of them kindly, and yes hold doors and what not – until they mistreat me. Even then, I’ve really only cussed 2 men out in my life and I’ll probably never even do that again. Having a great dad and 4 brothers, I just love everything about men and love to be around them and talk to them!

Of course, SO gets treated like a king. I don’t hang all over him, but I show much appreciation for the excellent way he treats me. I show affection and concern. It definitely is the little things that count and add up.

Just yesterday, he gave me a new portable GPS for my car. I needed one, but I’m always Mapquesting everything and printing out directions. How thoughtful!

I combed his little girls hair and checked his son’s math homework and helped him fix a bathroom faucet.

I showed much appreciation for his kind gesture.

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
2:50 pm

To all the Trekkies…was Uhura a love interest of Spock’s during the earlier episodes? I meant to ask Mason while we were watching the movie. I find it cool that the supposedly invincible guy gets the girl.

The Truth-Turn me over in 20 minutes so I cook evenly

May 28th, 2009
2:50 pm

Dan, spirit doesnt have jack to do with the law making you send cash if things dont work out. You adopt them and its your bill. Sorry, i dont roll like that but like you said no need for that discussion here.

Staceye/Tazz I’m hurt to the quick I wasnt “dark” enough to attract you before I jumped into this oven. Dont get to excited though, I’ll be like old dried up overcooked meat before this is over. I’m not built for this kind of heat. /we feel relieved when the temps drop to 100 degrees around here.

Sniper, last gf drove for me 1 time in 2 years and that was because i didnt want to drive my big truck to the arena to see a hockey game. Even then I wasnt comfortable.

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
2:52 pm

Truth when my friend and husband went to Jerusalem she said it was like 98 degrees at midnight. I can’t even imagine living in that kind of heat.

The Truth-Turn me over in 20 minutes so I cook evenly

May 28th, 2009
2:54 pm

Raqi, I dont think uhuru got with Spock. She was shagging Kirk i think, or was it scotty?

Lioness- Back from the Pool

May 28th, 2009
2:54 pm

Cuttie, u dissappoint me.U dont know how to show respect/good luving to a man? HAaaaaaa.
Raqi,teach her <– LOL! I hear you Melo but I think you have me a wee bit twisted.. Matter of fact, I KNOW you have me twisted :)

Melo- I am on vacation.. I know what I do to show my man respect! Thanks as always for your concern ;)

W8- I will email you my answer when I get back to the A if I remember..

Tazzee - partying with my girls tonight!

May 28th, 2009
2:56 pm

I’ve really only cussed 2 men out in my life and I’ll probably never even do that again.

kimmie – same here, well you can’t count my elementary and junior high school days, LOL. Because I didn’t have any brothers and no man in the home (regularly) I used to jump bad at boys all the time. Until I got my lip swole in the 8th grade…that stopped right then. Even so, I don’t fuss men out, I might cut him quick if he disrespects me then I’ll walk away.

DJ Sniper

May 28th, 2009
2:56 pm

I’m not familiar with the early Trek episodes, so I can’t tell you whether or not she ever got with Spock. In the movie though, I thought it was hilarious in that scene where Spock calls Uhuru by her first name and Kirk looks at him like, “How the f**k did he find that out?” LMAO!!!

East Point's Own

May 28th, 2009
3:00 pm

mytw♥tatas Thanks… come back now ya hear!

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
3:00 pm

Truth and DJ I didn’t realize how much of man-thang it was for men to do the driving. That can be likened to you all’s role as navigator in the relationship. Not meaning to refer back to yesterday’s topic but I remember on here where I think it was Kym (don’t quote me on that) that said she would not drive a man around. In so many words it’s the mans place to drive. Those are the type of things I wanted to convey yesterday. That not driving a man around is more of a role type of situation. Traditionalism if some could say. However a lot of women who feel the same way choose a more modern path in everything else. A la Carte.

Picking and choosing when it the man’s place and when it’s a woman’s place based on what benefits or what’s preferred by the individual.

Melo

May 28th, 2009
3:01 pm

Truth,so what u doing with ur money bro,besides spending it with the mullahs over there??
U might wanna put it in stocks now coz this revcovery is for real i think!

Wise Diva

May 28th, 2009
3:02 pm

“very simple: at some point, it worked” <–exactly. See, this is why some women have to take the lumps and call men out on their BS. You may be called a balz buster but hey, at least the guy will know that some things/behaviors they just need to outgrow, IMMEDIATELY

The Truth-Turn me over in 20 minutes so I cook evenly

May 28th, 2009
3:04 pm

Melo, I’m stashing all of it. I take out a little for me and the rest goes to the bank. We’ll see on this recovery.

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
3:04 pm

Dont get to excited though, I’ll be like old dried up overcooked meat before this is over.

:lol: You are killing me today Truth.

Yeah, I’m not into self hate, so I like em just brown skinned like myself. But if I had to pick dark meat over light, I’d rather go dark. You’re a cute enough light brite to turn my head tho! *smooch*

Tmac

May 28th, 2009
3:04 pm

Staceye,

Nothing personal, and you taking the you rejecting me a bit seriously as you did for my 5 2 256LB physic :) comman…

That aside, I am not advocating for any girl fall for anything, have low self esteem, nor fall for a dude who doesnt have his life together. Absolutley not.

My beef is with the attitude of you and yours alike who go above and beyound (sorta you coming here telling the cyber world while you have no bussiness in the whole relationship deal) to show how ‘independent’ they are, how they dont need ‘a man’, how ‘free’ they are. My beef is those woman who think just because they are black, every ‘good’ thing they are is a bit elevated.

I know many many decent woman who are reserved and do it and such a classy and lady a like way. Show their independence, intelegence, beauty not by shouting and barking anywehre and everywhere and to anybody.

I dont know you and you dont know me, so there cant be anything personal beef. My beef is with the “i am independent black woman’ mantra advocate, be you, my lil cousin, or first lady.

mytw♥tatas

May 28th, 2009
3:05 pm

It was kinda interesting that some ladies feel some kinda way when RAQIsms are held up as a gold standard. First of all, many of us echo her sentiments the majority of the time. Second of all let’s not forget that as bitter as women are accused of being, some men are equally as tender.its easier to believe a married woman is the exception when you’re not having much luck on the scene and MIA is as good a place to rant as anywhere else. And don’t y’all put more stock in certain contributors than others? I saunter on here with visions of Willie D &PG’s tidbits dancing in my head.

Leggs

May 28th, 2009
3:05 pm

@Raqi, you never answered me about Hitched or Ditched. Are there embarrassing moments?

You show your man respect simply by letting him be the Man and taking care of those things that make him happy to come and be at home (if you’re living togeter). If simply dating, then you take care of those things that make him want to remain your boyfriend. Only you know what those are!

Dan

May 28th, 2009
3:07 pm

Waaaaay off topic

I was commenting on a business blog the other day about the “canards of deregulation” and I just saw that (canard) phrase used in 2 articles. My bad.

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
3:07 pm

I’ve really only cussed 2 men out in my life and I’ll probably never even do that again.

kimmie – same here

Tazzee/Kimmie – The only place I’ve cuzzed guys out is on the innanet, like via email or this blog!

I’m very aware that toe to toe I max out at 130. Nor have I ever been a fan of getting “shaked the ish out of.” :lol:

Tmac

May 28th, 2009
3:08 pm

The reason why its you is ’cause you are the only one here on this forum.

Melo

May 28th, 2009
3:11 pm

Truth,here is a lil nugget,in 18 mths,by the time everyone works up to realize that times are good,the stock mrket has picked that up already,its too late.
Take a lil risk on my advice.Just 25% of ur stash and stickk it in der.
I havnt lost yet since i put mine back in March.

Cemeeli

May 28th, 2009
3:11 pm

PoppaG – You can have all of the baby dust from Raqi? :)

Kimmie – You really have the Highlands look! When i dress like i am today i feel like my team members are checking me out because of all the ehtnic looks i pull off sometime. They are not accustomed to it. That’s why Christi came to see the dress in the first place. She acts as if i get the stuff from a foreign country or something. When i get micro-braids or sumthing, the really get curious!!! It’s funny…

-W8©

May 28th, 2009
3:11 pm

@Kimmie- Hey!

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
3:13 pm

I am sorry Leggs. How for embarrassing moments? Yeah I think it was embarrassing on the episode last night when the couple found out that neither of their families approved of them being together even after 4 years. The guy revealed how jealous he really was and did not like when she didn’t answer the phone every time he called. There decision to not get married was more mutual than not. She complained of him wanting her to change but not saying anything for the first three months they were together.

The show is pretty dull so far but I watched because it was on. She did put out the ultimatum but it was not like the previews made it out to be. They just was not right for each other but they went thru the motions for four years. Maybe the upcoming episodes will have a little more excitement.

Dan

May 28th, 2009
3:13 pm

@Tmac

Not wading into that “other stuff” I think what most of the fellas have been saying has been real accurate.

Think of it like this: A dude can’t tell you nothing ’bout how to act in a given situation, esp. if you grown or feeling extra grown at that moment, right? Then, why give that power to a woman that you feel is behaving improperly or as a “more important person” than you feel she is?

If she she hit you with the “I am woman hear me roar”, listen and respond by kindly ignoring it and going on with either; what you were going to say anyway, or the rest of your life.

We give folks waaaaay too much power to affect us.

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
3:13 pm

mytwo – I like your 3:05. I just chalked it up to some folks just not having seen enough solid relationships in their lives or something.

kimmie

May 28th, 2009
3:17 pm

W8 – Hey Dawg!

Poppa Grande

May 28th, 2009
3:18 pm

Cee

You can have all of the baby dust from Raqi?

Since you are asking (question mark at end of statement), the answer is no. I think that the post office thinks that it is anthrax or something. She better watchout.

Cemeeli

May 28th, 2009
3:19 pm

You know what hurts my feelings?

My child has “only child syndrome” and when he comes home tonight from hanging with a friend today since 1/2 day at school ad lunchtime. He’s going to come home all sappy and looking lonely in the eyes. He’s at his bestfriend and Christopher leaves for New York for the summe tomorrow after the last day of school. He’s gonna act like he’s cool but i can tell by the eyes, and body language that he misses his friend. It hurts my feelings too because I remember those days of not having anyone to play with at home. My grandmother raised my sister…and sometimes i longed for her to live with me and moms. But it never happened. “only child syndrome” is hard on a kid.

Okay i’m off my vent.

Lioness- Back from the Pool

May 28th, 2009
3:22 pm

Cee- Poor thing.. I am an only child too but I loved everyday of it :)

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
3:22 pm

And the thing is Leggs they were just going thru the motions. (I know I said that already). Only when both sides of the family stated their peace did it all get put out on the table. Neither one of them obviously did not state their greivances before then.

How many people are caught in that situation? I kept wondering why were the together and how did the manage that long. Was it for convenience of not having to deal with a breakup? Did they both hope the other would eventually change and it all work out? Four years is a long time to be on different paths and not say anything. She was sort of a party girl and he was a smotherer yet he stated that the marriage would be for her. He was fine not being married but wanted her to more “wifey”. <=== That’s my interpretation of it.

The wife and commitment without the ring.

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
3:23 pm

Aw…Cemeeli, that’s sad. I know you’ll do something nice for him to remind him that he’s loved.

Yeah, though I often wanted to sell my 2 sisters at the lemonade stand, it is really great having them. If I have children, I want to have at least two. I think every kid should have a sibling.

Poppa Grande

May 28th, 2009
3:23 pm

Cee

I hear ya. My nephew is an only child. He even tried to bribe my sister to have another baby by promising to wash her car every week for a year.

Leggs

May 28th, 2009
3:25 pm

My child is an only child and she has told me on more than one occasion, she wasn’t sharing me nor her toys. I think she threw me in there for good measure.

@Cee, I know your heart hurts to see your son unhappy. Distract him and have him help you plan the summer calendar. Tell him you’ll buy a boatload of stamps and they can become pen pals, exchanging stories, pics, bragging on which on is getting taller the fastest, etc.

Dan

May 28th, 2009
3:26 pm

@Cee

I grew up like an only child, he’ll miss his friend no doubt, but we all have “summer” friends. He won’t understand it, but this is an opportunity for him to get out and make a whole range of “new/added” friendships.

He’ll be aiight, kids are tougher than we give ‘em credit for sometimes

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
3:27 pm

Cemeeli no cousins or anything he can spend the summer with?

Lioness- Back from the Pool

May 28th, 2009
3:28 pm

Leggs- That was me too :) Also, your suggestion to Cee is a wonderful idea!

Melo

May 28th, 2009
3:29 pm

Cee,he dont have nephews/cousins to hang with??

THE INFAMOUS DK

May 28th, 2009
3:29 pm

Cemeeli – Well get busy and make him a sibling.

Tazzee - partying with my girls tonight!

May 28th, 2009
3:30 pm

Cemeeli – is he going to summer camp? I can see if you can borrow my nephew for the summer – he’s a little older.

mytw♥tatas

May 28th, 2009
3:31 pm

JAMOCA I done tole you I don’t too much care to share any bufoonery witcha…we girls but come on nah. Tom foolery? Yais, all day erry day. But my zulu is off limits. Cept when he’s being a raving lunatic standing in his shower berating lil Melo for his circumstances. ;) He’s all yours, then…

W8 You know, I think the easiest part of being respectful of men is acknowledgment and appreciation of their manhood. And trying to remember even when you’re not attached to them, their kindness doesn’t necessarily have an ulterior motive. HATE when I witness the third degree when a guy is just being nice. And whether or not ladies are interested, not sure why turn downs require more than a polite no. (Granted he wasn’t approaching sideways) I think everything’s suspect when you don’t value yourself as anything more than @zz. So you naturally assume that’s what every dude is tryna get at. Heavy sigh….

I want a coqui from the man on the corner of 3rd Ave & 149th Street.

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
3:31 pm

Cemeeli – Well get busy and make him a sibling.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Cemeeli

May 28th, 2009
3:31 pm

What prompted this is that the mother called and asked permission to take him out for Pizza and somewher to play basketball with Christopher. I’m thinking he’s going to be in overkill and REALLY be sad when he comes home.

I wanted to tell her “He’s allergic to fun”. :) .

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
3:32 pm

Cemeeli – I guess your S/O doesn’t have kids?

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
3:33 pm

Cemeeli – Well get busy and make him a sibling

Infamous it’s too late now. I think about my daughter and given what the age difference is going to be between she and her brothers she will be raised like an only child. My youngest is 14 years old now. In 4 years is off to college. She will just be going to pre-school at that time. She will be the only child in the house by the time is old enough to remember back to being a child.

Jamoca

May 28th, 2009
3:33 pm

Tatas – Girl, must’ve known that I was getting ansy…lay that ish out!!! I may even have to play those numbers myself…3-0-5?

Hmmmm…Ms. Leggs, whatcha think? …since you’ve obviously got the midas touch on hitting the numbers.

Cee – I know the feeling all too well. I have to admit, but then again…I’ve let this be known numerous times to my family – being an only child did kind of suck at times, but it was also a double edged sword when I got older…meaning – there’s no one there to really tell on ya’.

At home, Moca’s Trio has no problem telling on one another…jonin’ one another, knocking the heyal out of each other at times, but once they step out of the door, they’re thick as thieves. So some of the things that I witness from them are so foreign to me. They will truly bash each other till the white meat show, but would dare anybody else to even think it. And to be honest, I can’t complain about that.

Cemeeli

May 28th, 2009
3:34 pm

Thanks for the pointers. The pen pal idea is neat.

Melo – My folks are in South Ga. and my sister’s kids are 5 & 2 years old. His other bestfriend got out of school last week and left for Florida, Saturday.

Mo (aka Moeisha- so excited)

May 28th, 2009
3:35 pm

PG – I hope my son doesnt do that to me!! I am praying his father remarries and has another baby!

Jamoca – okay you know I had to pull out my Mint Condition after the You Send Me Swingin interlude!

Cemeeli

May 28th, 2009
3:35 pm

ARed – His kids are not here either.

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
3:35 pm

Cemeeli what about the kids in the neighborhood? Do not any of them go to school with him?