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Put your foot down

One of the frustrating things about the dating scene is dealing with disrespect. It seems inevitable that you run into that person who is inconsiderate, inexperienced, or flat out clueless. You would think that the older we get, the less likely we are to meet this type of person. Sadly, that is not always the case and then you have to put your foot down.

If a guy has some bad behavior that is unacceptable to me, I always wonder how he has managed to get away with it. I mean,  all the women he dated never told him when he was being a jerk? Have you ever met or dated someone who was unaware of their bad dating behavior? Did you call them out on it? How did they respond.

Are you guilty of any behaviors that others have called out before? I once had a guy call me out on being late all the time. He finally had to put his foot down and let me know that he wouldn’t tolerate it anymore. So much for being fashionably late! He saw it as disrespectful and he let me know. I quickly corrected that problem and now I am always on time or early for dates

How do you put your foot down or call someone out without alienating them?

478 comments Add your comment

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
2:01 pm

Ladies, how do you show respect towards men?

W8 – Mainly by being kind and appreciative. Making sure I thank him for his efforts and not by taking them for granted.

My first boyfriend taught me to reach over and open the door after he’s opened the door for me and is walking around on his side. I’ve found that’s a hit or miss with men. Most guys like it, others don’t want the woman opening doors for them period! So basically, I just follow his lead and make sure that how ever he wants it, is granted (within reason of course! :D ) )

THE INFAMOUS DK

May 28th, 2009
2:01 pm

Raqi – Youre Dude must’ve sold his soul to get a woman like you..

Pay attention ladies and if you sitting back saying I would never do that.. You’re hating, while you need to be taking notes. That one little selfless act will make him make him kill himself to make sure she’s happy.

-W8©

May 28th, 2009
2:01 pm

@Lioness- Why don’t you have an answer?
@Raqi- Good stuff@1:55

SexyCool

May 28th, 2009
2:02 pm

-W8 – I speak or nod in acknowledgement when I am spoken to. I smile back when I am smiled at. I say thank you when a door is opened for me. I make the attempt on most days to be cordial, pleasant and friendly.

I really can’t think of anything else that I can actively do other than those basic things that are most often naturally a part of my daily interaction with people that I encounter – male or female.

The Truth-Turn me over in 20 minutes so I cook evenly

May 28th, 2009
2:02 pm

W8, I really didnt think of it in only man/woman instances. If you came to the door I’d hold it too.

Melo

May 28th, 2009
2:02 pm

I have NO answer

Cuttie, u dissappoint me.U dont know how to show respect/good luving to a man? HAaaaaaa. :)
Raqi,teach her :lol:

Tmac

May 28th, 2009
2:02 pm

“a Black woman is the finest thang on this Earf ”

May be that has something to do with thier big head…

Dan

May 28th, 2009
2:04 pm

@Rell

duly noted

SexyCool

May 28th, 2009
2:04 pm

Enter your comments hereTruth – just so you know – the IT Nazi’s have blocked my IM access.

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
2:04 pm

LOL Rell. Have you seen that episode? It cracks me everytime I see it. George wasn’t pleased with the way Florence was as a maid and he wanted more respect, so she gave him what he asked for. It made him realize how over the top his demands were.

Melo

May 28th, 2009
2:06 pm

BK,what Raqi say she do???
What u giving her credit for?

Dan

May 28th, 2009
2:07 pm

@Tmac

You find a woman that argue with you FIRST thing in the morning, be mad all day long, still come home and fix your favorite meal (without talking to you the whole time), go to bed and wake you up the next day with a John Legend “good morning”; all without you knowing what just happened.

You find that kinda woman in another race and I’m whichya

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
2:08 pm

Melo what? What is it you want from me? I have read my name at least in five or your comments but I have no idea what you are talking about. Please if you want me to discuss something with you make it plain. Okay.

Cemeeli

May 28th, 2009
2:08 pm

@ Dan – You didn’t do anything. But question. – Ae you saying it befitting for a single parent to adopt thier wedlock child because the non-custodial parent is dead beat?

Melo

May 28th, 2009
2:09 pm

Raqi – Youre Dude must’ve sold his soul to get a woman like you

what im asking?

Rell - learning more than talking

May 28th, 2009
2:11 pm

@raqi..yes…i love the jeffersons….that epsiode is hilarious…all of them are…

@dan…dude i just see the difference when i am acting up to when i am not…big difference..even my homies where like dude you need to snap out of it….or like my boy would tell me

“you can get poo see before you get a hot meal”….for the longest i was like dude what does that mean….now i know what that means

Dan

May 28th, 2009
2:13 pm

@Cee

Well, the day I get married, if she has a child, yepper I’m adopting. Partly out of “obligation” and more importantly because that child is now my responsibility.

Again, the (in)actions of someone else has no bearing in who I am or what I do. The fact that the non-custodial parent is a deadbeat is irrelevant but for its affect on that child.

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
2:13 pm

Infamous DK the years have taught me that you men are very simple creatures. Some sincere acts of appreciation in you all’s direction, good sex and a few hot meals a week and you all are like putty in our hands. And I don’t mean that in disrespect just in all honesty. Yall don’t really require that much to be happy. When my husband is happy he makes me happy which makes me want to make him happy and it leads to him going the distance to make me happy.

Cemeeli

May 28th, 2009
2:14 pm

Infamous -I ain’t taking notes for Raqi, that chic will get cha’ pregnant.

NOT trying to go there! :)

The Truth-Turn me over in 20 minutes so I cook evenly

May 28th, 2009
2:14 pm

REll, you hit on something there. Alot of times the biggest conflict is when we know we’re coming up short and not doing our thing. The chick sees the conflict and if there’s doubt in her head its magnified. Thats what happens when we grow up in front of a woman, she see’s you before you’ve perfected your product. In other cultures the man is raised to a certain point before he can go out and start looking at mates. In our culture any cat with a pouthpiece can do it, and will.

Tmac, I cant remember when a sister last disrespected me. She may not have like my azz but not disrespected me. Maybe there’s a mirror around you can look into.

Melo, lmao, all cats riding in the passenger seat are suspect, especailly if he’s comfortable. There are just some things that I do and driving and in my car are one of them. I feel like a bish if a chick drives me around, except special occassions.

Jamoca

May 28th, 2009
2:17 pm

…Jamoca now takes the stage, front & center

You knew you had me, With your sensuous charm
Yet you looked so alarmed, As I walked on by

An awesome wonder, You had to know why
I did not respond, to carry on

Chorus:
Love me in a special wayyy…
What more can I sayyy?…
Love me now
(Repeat)

Love me now
‘Cause I’m special, Not the average kind
Who’ll accept any line, That sounds good

So reach into your chain of thought
(Try to find something new)
Try to find something new
(’Cause what worked for you)
What worked so well for you before, For me just won’t do

Tazzee - partying with my girls tonight!

May 28th, 2009
2:20 pm

W8 A man automatically gets the benefit of the doubt from me as have the upper hand/greater knowledge until he proves otherwise. If I enter a room and men are speaking on a topic – I don’t just jump in with my opinion (like I would with the ladies) but I sit back and try to gleen some knowledge from them. I am always appreciative of their chivalrous acts and I never exert my abilities over his. I try my best to protect a man’s ego. Whereas if one of my girls says something wrong, I have no problem correcting her on the spot but I’m sensitive to the man’s ego. I’m a very passionate person and I speak my POV with passion – this may be considered as ‘arguing’. With a man, I tone it down a little….

all that until a dude steps to me wrong.

What’s funny is my friends that have never seen me around my guy automatically assume I give him a hard time about the little stuff – because of the intense convos we have. But my BFF that’s been around when I’m on the phone with him, etc tells them not to be fooled – I’m as tame as a kitten getting her belly rubbed around my guy.

The Truth-Turn me over in 20 minutes so I cook evenly

May 28th, 2009
2:21 pm

Dan, slam on the brakes there. That adopting the kid thing may seem honorable but no matter how much money you kick in you’ll never be the father of that child. Most likely you’ll just wind up being the one to pay for something you didnt even create. Love is cool but the legal system is a mushafugga. With the divorce rate being what it is you have a pretty good at mailing a check to a chick for a child you didnt even father. Hell you didnt even get to bust a nut. Obligations about to get you into a whole lotta ish.

Dan

May 28th, 2009
2:21 pm

@Truth

The first part of that 2:14 can be applied to life, too.

However, growing up and maturing in front a woman are two different things. Seeing “the light” turn on in your mate is a beautiful thing.

Plus, I’m one for learning daily, so she’s likely to see minor (and major) changes over the course of a relationship anyway.

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 28th, 2009
2:22 pm

ARED/DAN/MELO…I refuse to even acknowwledge TMAC. It seems like he comes at me for personal reasons. Rejection is a biotch..I know! But anyway, everywhere Black woman turn they are being bombarded with the epitomy of beauty being anything BUT them. Hence the reason for Essence & Ebony, etc…we had to make our our mark. Now we could stand there and let the disrespect from some brothas and others beat us down or come out swinging with our heads held high. That same, “I refuse to be broken” spirit is what has carried our familes for generations. It’s no secret brothas have dropped the ball in our families leaving women to be both mother and father. Now I am proud of the men that are doing their part and not being like the losers before…however do I think they deserve some medal for it…NO! You are simply doing what you should be doing! Now am I thinking that I am so unique based on my races…no! My uniqueness is from my personality, my ambition, my goals, my leader not follwer mentality…need I go on. If I as a woman do impower myself and hold myself in high regard…who in the hell will. We have enough women staying in bad relationships & viloent situations because their spirit and esteem is so low that they think they can not do better or that they are deserving of it. I am sure all of the men on here with Daughters would want their daughter to hold themselves in high reagrd so that they are not like these women I speak of. I must say..the emotional beating I have taken over the years from sperm-donor…aka Bio-Dad took a toll on me for the most of my life. I can say now that I finally let that self hatred of myself go and can for the first time look in the mirror and maybe see what other see. What I am saying it…he should have been building me up…but he tore me down. And as a child that can cause lots of issues that may never heal. That is an example of where having a crappy father is worse than none at all…doing more damage than good. So before somebody speaks ill of that woman who loves herself…..take a moment to think where that confidence came from. Most likely she probably went through hell & high water to get there!

RAQI…I will not emasculate a man as long as he doesn’t try to dehumanize me! I am not your dog…I am your partner. Partners are equal…supposedly! As the saying goes..God created woman from Adam’s rib at his side to be at his side…not from his head to be above him…but NOT from his feet to be below him. Alot of my problem is with this subservient role men think women should play. He is human…just like I am!

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
2:22 pm

that chic will get cha’ pregnant

LMBO Cemeeli. Yeah. The night that I think I got pregnant we were just kinda cuddling in bed and I was telling Mason how great of a son he was to his father who was sick at the time and I am just really happy to have a man like him in my life. Now iiz pregnant LOL.

Melo

May 28th, 2009
2:25 pm

I feel like a bish if a chick drives me around

me to Truth,besides,my Queen cant drive!
By the time we get there :arrow: ,her blood pressure will be up coz i check the driving all the time.So she wont touch the stearing wheel in ma presence anyway.
I hate it when a driver wont put turn signals on when they turn.
How can a driver that supposedly passed a driving test just turn left or right like that,like a bush snake…no warning….nada! :???:

-W8©

May 28th, 2009
2:25 pm

@Truth- I never thought about it that way but now that you brought it to my attention I guess I open doors for guys also…hmmm..imagine that.
@Sexy- I think you hit the nail on the head with the word “cordial”
@Ared- Yup it’s the little things that count

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
2:25 pm

as long as he doesn’t try to dehumanize me

Staceye that’s why I said for no reason. I am nobody’s doormat.

Dan

May 28th, 2009
2:26 pm

@Truth

But that’s you and “marriage” in general, I do believe.

If she has a child, when I promise to “love, honor, obey and keep her before all others as long as I live” that doesn’t exclude her child(ren). It’s a package deal.

Notably, I’m not sure that I’m ready or willing to do that right now in life, but I have not an ounce of doubt that I’m capable should the need/situation arise.

Cemeeli

May 28th, 2009
2:27 pm

@ Dan – I thought you meant adot the child to someone else’s family. Not the step parent.

Ok gotcha.

Poppa Grande

May 28th, 2009
2:27 pm

Cee

Raqi, that chic will get cha’ pregnant

Who you kiddin’ ? She ain’t trying to send you some baby dust!

Tazzee - partying with my girls tonight!

May 28th, 2009
2:27 pm

Infamous DK We take notes from Raqi – but what selfless act are you referring to?

Cemeeli

May 28th, 2009
2:27 pm

I know i’m mispelling today. ;) Sorry folks.

Duty is calling for more of my attention with these numbers.

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
2:27 pm

ARED/DAN/MELO…I refuse to even acknowwledge TMAC

Staceye – It’s clear that he has issues with the black woman. Maybe he’s been taken down a peg or two by one.

So to quote Robin in the movie Waiting to Exhale: “A white woman can have your azz!” :lol:

kimmie

May 28th, 2009
2:28 pm

Sister Cee – Girl, we both could be hanging in VA Highlands today! I have on a maxi printed skirt, a purple t-shirt that says SURF SUN SAND CALI on it in orange & yellow, some thong sandals with peace signs on them and a necklace with a peace sign! My boss got on me about the t-shirt cause he said it was not befitting of a manager, though I threw on a beige cardigan over it! I just wanted to chill today – ready for the weekend already!

wRENN – Thanks for the info about the FitFlops – getting some today!

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
2:32 pm

@Ared- Yup it’s the little things that count

W8 – I really try not to forget this because I love having a guy take care of me. So I always show my appreciation because I know without it it’s the quickest way for him to stop doing it!

Melo

May 28th, 2009
2:32 pm

Mamba,the 2.22 was kinda sweet and nice!
U know i luv ur azz :lol: Forget Tmac :lol:

Jaybird

May 28th, 2009
2:33 pm

I am always polite and in my book, that means opening doors, letting my lady friend enter first, letting her pick her seat at a restaurant, walking on the sidewalk between her and traffic, all that stuff. But I will have to say that women have brought on themselves the fact that some men no longer practice southern politeness. With the “independent woman” comes a price in some guys minds. For me, its all about attitude. If a lady has an attitude that seems like she “expects” to be treated a certain way, it is a major turn off for me and although I will treat her as a lady, for my taste, I would only do it on ONE date.

Tazzee - partying with my girls tonight!

May 28th, 2009
2:34 pm

The Truth You’re going to be good and chocolate when you get back. I loves me a chocolate man ;-)

The Truth-Turn me over in 20 minutes so I cook evenly

May 28th, 2009
2:34 pm

Dan, learning and growing up in front of a chick are 2 totally different things. It takes a stronger woman to watch you fall all over yourself while you try to figure out what you as a man are capapble of. Your woman never fantasized about her dream man breaking down because he couldnt figure out he next step. Set your path, plot your course and you’ll surely pick up passengers.

On the adoption thing, man that sounds like fantasy island to me. Hey, its your loot she’ll enjoy so do whats in your heart.

DJ Sniper

May 28th, 2009
2:35 pm

That’s funny that some guys here feel like a bish if they’re in the passenger seat. I usually drive whenever we go somewhere, but it is nice when she offers to drive and I can relax for a change.

Melo, they say that you’re not a true Atlanta driver until you completely forget that your car has turn signals! LOL!!

Jamoca

May 28th, 2009
2:35 pm

Melo – I’m blushing now…your support as well as donations towards our well-known, non profit organization of The WAKW = Whole Azz Kind of Women…will not go overlooked. Your buffoonstress may not take so kindly of these …but hey, Rasa Devi at least I’m raising up a little money for our cause! Lol…

Heavy W8 Champion – Love how you did the 360 on us ladies.

And it most definitely does go both ways, but I will admit while we womenfolk are a bit more complicated when it comes to our daily needs…as well as SOME of us who are just an embarrassment to their daily wishes, expectations and demands…versus your simple, yet so easy to satisfy “requests” ….I can honestly admit, there is a heavy load to bear. That’s where I’d say that I have to probably coming into play at that very moment. Because it definitely doesn’t look easy. But the efforts as well as time, does not go unrewarded, unrecognized nor overlooked. I have a laundry list of things that I can list that I have done to show not only a man, but just an individual my appreciation….so much that I’m often times told when rushing towards an half opened door, to just “take my time and watch my step”.

Little gestures like the ones that have been mention are always brought to the forefront…now just imagine the big ones.

Melo

May 28th, 2009
2:35 pm

Hey, its your loot she’ll enjoy so do whats in your heart.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
2:36 pm

Maybe there’s a mirror around you can look into.

Truth – :lol: :lol: :lol:

Poppa Grande

May 28th, 2009
2:37 pm

Off the off topic topic

Washington Mutual will complete the transition to become Chase on June 1. Those who don’t like Chase need to make decision to change soon.

Jamoca

May 28th, 2009
2:38 pm

You send me swingin’…Oh, you send me swingin’

chorus

I wait for a dayyyy…One sweet gentle sway

Sends your love right my wayyyy…

Oh, you send me swingin’ You send me swingin’

Oh, you send me swingin’

I never thought I’d really find, Someone so beautiful and kind

Oh what you’ve done to me, With just the little things you do

That’s got me crazy over you, And it’s getting stronger

When I’m with you, I fall deeper in love (swingin’)

This feeling is the one thing, My heart is sure of

So I’llll…(chorus)

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 28th, 2009
2:41 pm

MELO…you know I love your crazy Zulu a$$ too! :lol:

TRUTH…you getting extra chocolatey for me? You know I loves da chocolate! :lol:

Dan

May 28th, 2009
2:42 pm

@Truth

Duly noted. But there’s a spiritual reason that I make that statement. So as to not get that conversation started with you, we’ll just say agreed.

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
2:42 pm

We take notes from Raqi

Mi marido and I do have our share of arguments and disagreements. We both still have a lot to learn about being married. When we hit the 50th year anniversary then we will tell our story to Lifetime. :wink: