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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Put your foot down

One of the frustrating things about the dating scene is dealing with disrespect. It seems inevitable that you run into that person who is inconsiderate, inexperienced, or flat out clueless. You would think that the older we get, the less likely we are to meet this type of person. Sadly, that is not always the case and then you have to put your foot down.

If a guy has some bad behavior that is unacceptable to me, I always wonder how he has managed to get away with it. I mean,  all the women he dated never told him when he was being a jerk? Have you ever met or dated someone who was unaware of their bad dating behavior? Did you call them out on it? How did they respond.

Are you guilty of any behaviors that others have called out before? I once had a guy call me out on being late all the time. He finally had to put his foot down and let me know that he wouldn’t tolerate it anymore. So much for being fashionably late! He saw it as disrespectful and he let me know. I quickly corrected that problem and now I am always on time or early for dates

How do you put your foot down or call someone out without alienating them?

478 comments Add your comment

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 28th, 2009
1:19 pm

Tazz that’s just nasty wrong. I was asked to do the same by a man I dated and I hung up on him when he said it….I asked him to repeat himself and the azz said it again(had the nerve to use his “sexy” voice) so I promply hung up and never accepted any of his calls again….the nerve.

…alot of cats bolt to other nationalities because the chick is easier to control. Thing is that sista will submit just the same if your game is tight enough. Instead of lowering your standard up your game.

Truth well spoken…I definitely agree with that :)

SexyCool

May 28th, 2009
1:20 pm

Taz – Cosigning the hugs to Truth and yes, 730p works for me.

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 28th, 2009
1:20 pm

I wish this thing had spell check..should have been promptly…I’se sowwy.

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
1:23 pm

Sorry Suckas

I had a terrible, terrible joke to post after seeing that. LOL

(Now slapping myself on the hand for even thinking to type it)

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
1:23 pm

Thing is that sista will submit just the same if your game is tight enough.

Yeah he will have your azz up making steak and potatoes for him because he’s hungry and tired and had a long day at work even though your azz is snuggled up in the bed so excited to finally catch up on 90210 on the DVR! :lol:

wRENN

May 28th, 2009
1:23 pm

Good afternoon all its been a while; been in lurkersville for quite some time, anywho thought i would peek in and speak @ TAZZEE AND KIMMIE:

i mentioned to some of you about my part time at a retail giant and i work in the ladies shoe department…anywho the FitFlops originated in Britain and are designed to work your legs as you walk. thus the name Fit Flops.

They come in an array of colors and have now included sequins and whatnot on some of them. Our store does not sell them at $39.99, ours start at 49.99 to 59.99. We have not had any customers return them saying they do not work, so as far as answering your question hopefully it might be a good investment if you are looking to work your calfs and thighs. But wearing high heels do the same thing…just my two cents.

have a good day all… ;-)

Cemeeli

May 28th, 2009
1:24 pm

PoppaG – I’m learning to press the time issue with people that are way to late for me to wait as well. Just 2weeks ago for a road trip i had to kinda “check” my sister for having me to wait because she wanted to ride with me to south Georgia and I had to wait 2hrs for her and her family of 4, to ride! That’s my momma’s child!

My cousin did it to me before. She wants to go eat before a concert and i didn’t made it clear to her that i was not going to be there to do the dinner prior to the event. When i arrived at the agreed upon location she had left. Til this day i she still won’t say that I was not late because i didn’t want to meet her when she wanted to. We ended up hanging that day, but her problem is communication.

I’m sure your homeboy was looking “right cuuu-razy” when he realized you had gone on, to the flight.

Tazzee - partying with my girls tonight!

May 28th, 2009
1:25 pm

Sassy Tell me about it!!! Thing is, I’d heard about that happening to women before but I thought it was an urban myth – until I got mine. Now I know of instances where a pic was sent by someone they were already involved with – but the randomness of it all is just disgusting.

SexyCool KEWL!!!

THE INFAMOUS DK

May 28th, 2009
1:26 pm

Leggs – Of course you can sit down so we can discuss some thangs.. Can I get you a drink? atlalien@yahoo.com.

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
1:26 pm

Poppa and Cemeeli I have a girl friend that is such a late comer I told her once she is going to be late for her own funeral.

Dan

May 28th, 2009
1:28 pm

@Elijah

Hold on Patna!

“Black Men” have not left black women with the burden of single parenting. That is, quite simply the DUMBEST statment ever.

Black Men does not encapsulate the Black Male experience. Nor does the action of a few equate so haphazardly with an entire subset of race or gender.

Leave aside for a moment the varying statistics on single parents and the racial component that make up the “largest” statistical/numerical disparity that disproves your theory in its entirety, and let’s focus on “someone to blame”.

Without entering into the morality of abortion. A child is created when two parties actively participate in doing so. Thus, the genesis of that child is NOT ONE PARTIES FAULT over another. Secondly, there are protections and methods (including abstinence) that would prevent unwanted pregnancies. Lastly, adoption. Cultural mores and familial pressure notwithstanding, there are any number of options available to men and women in this country that find themselves in this predicament.

Now, admit your personal faults, point out the fault of other specific people, but DO NOT cast such a wide net when you make a specious argument such as the one you just made.

In the future when you make a statement or attempt to make a point, be mindful of your language, because your slip is showin’.

And that’s 2.

Tazzee - partying with my girls tonight!

May 28th, 2009
1:30 pm

wRENN thanks for that info – I’m going to get mine this weekend. I don’t do a lot of walking in high heels and wearing high heels with shorts in the summer time might give the wrong impression :lol:

Raqi you so nassy!!!

AmRed I almost posted an example to Truth’s comment too but I decided to keep it to mahself ;-)

DJ Sniper

May 28th, 2009
1:31 pm

Elijah, I hear what you’re saying, but I refuse to bear the brunt of a woman’s anger because of what the last kneegrow did to her. On that same note, I won’t make the next woman suffer for what the last woman did to me. Years ago, I had some Maury Povich drama with an ex-girlfriend of mine. I could have gone a different route and assigned her behavior to every other black woman, but I didn’t. For starters, I had run across many other black women who were just the opposite of her, and also, I had to shoulder my share of the blame for getting in that sitation. If you’re gonna be angry, direct that anger at the person or persons most responsible.

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
1:32 pm

AmRed I almost posted an example to Truth’s comment too but I decided to keep it to mahself

Tazzee – Uh…it wasn’t me! It was my home girl! Yeah, that’s it.

AmazonRed ain’t no sucka! *avoids eye contact* :lol:

Rell - learning more than talking

May 28th, 2009
1:33 pm

TMAC, alot of cats bolt to other nationalities because the chick is easier to control. Thing is that sista will submit just the same if your game is tight enough. Instead of lowering your standard up your game.

- you right dawg…but what is funny they are ready even without you saying anything..i have a collection of fun stories i will share in the coming weeks..this last month as been quite interesting….but i will cosign they are ready…so says where i am going after work…lol

@sexyc…i know you..lol

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
1:34 pm

Lastly, adoption.

Dan I was going along with your comment until you got to that part. At what point are you stating that option should take place?

Should every woman that finds herself pregnant out of wedlock just put the child away? Or should she wait until the father no longer wants to be involved to put her child away?

Either way they both should not be an option to avoid the deadbeat dad syndrome.

Tmac

May 28th, 2009
1:35 pm

“TMAC, alot of cats bolt to other nationalities because the chick is easier to control ”

That is the biggest self misconception of a “black woman”. Just as a disclaimer, as the case for everything, there are exceptions to this rule, eventhough I have yet to meet a black woman who doesnt have highly inflated self view (look good, long hair, tall, big booty, edumacated, decent career, well paying job) any combination as the more of those things the more untouchable they become like heavenly droped angel. As if there is something special about being black woman and being so. Its absolutley crazy, I am being for real here.

I am blessed with to be from a place were girls are born black, too beautiful and God bless majority who have excelled in academics here in the States. So, for me, I dont have much tollerance for such “i am so and so Black woman” hoopla…plzzzzz,

So, no. I pass on you not because others are easier or have lower standard its because “I am all that Blackwomen” consider themselves a unique creatures and expect red carpet….

Melo

May 28th, 2009
1:35 pm

I think posting pics of johnson to the lady is the new version of verbally saying,in code:lets not waste time,lets get right to it!

In my dating days,thats smething i used to verbalize promptly if i regarded the chic as such.

Now techno seems to have taken over.
As Dan wld/might say,u like dees? :lol:

Cemeeli

May 28th, 2009
1:35 pm

@ Raqi – Your homegirl is going to late for her funeral. She’ll live longer.

The Truth-Developing a camel hump

May 28th, 2009
1:37 pm

Dan, that was tight. I wish I could write like that but my replies always come out a little different. LOL Nice work.

Tazz, I already apologized for the dizznick pic. I thought it was going to Ared but I shipped it to the wrong addie. My bad. Btw, what did you think of it? The Truth now looking proud.

Jamoca

May 28th, 2009
1:37 pm

Hello you all…

On Topic

IMO there is a fine line between showing respect versus just some simple common decency/courtesy. There are so many different levels and just because I exhibit certain qualities (which to me is the norm…a no brainer) does not and I repeat, does not mean…that I respect said person…especially a stranger. This goes for some family as well. For instance, I could go over to one of my girlfriend’s grandmama’s house… and get offered a fresh slice of butter pecan pound cake from scratch and a nice cold chaser of a tall glass of fresh lemonade. I may see her uncle coming through at that very moment and offer to cut him a piece, while pouring him a tall glass myself…and pleasantly bringing it out to him and long before he could even pick his lips up to say “thank you” I’m already halfway back to the table to enjoy my Lil piece of heaven.

Does this mean that I respect him? Quite frankly, no it does not. But common courtesy nonetheless.

Some may view that as having some level of respect. I say, it doesn’t hurt to be cordial to folks…whether or not they’re donnin’ the mean-mug, jellies, even the saggy pants, as well as tattoos (which btw, I own ONE myself); and just to put it out there, it’s so well hidden most times that I tend to forget it’s back there. But I’m so often reminded of how well I carry myself, that once it’s revealed that there may be angel baby, who looks like me, peeking out… it’s taken as having a little edge to my feminine and subtle ways. So I’ve yet to experience someone treating me differently or disrespectfully based on something like that. I’ve shown (without looking for validation/approval) myself to be an individual that many have no problem exhibiting a level respect, let alone mere common decency.

Sometimes…heyal, many times I’ve found this little gesture to work like a charm in order to smooth away those rough edges, barriers, guards and even preconceived notions of the feeble-minded.

As far as I’m concerned, they can take my common courtesy any way they damn well please…I’ve done my part. It is up to them to do theirs.

Raqi So your “juice-getter” is busy taking advantage of using his short term disability, before Little Lizzy arrives, ehhh??? Glad he’s alright, and it’s a good thing that children heal faster since they’re younger.

Leggs Hey do ya’ thanga-thang, ma-ma…gon’ head and lead the pack…cool, yet confident! …beaming and all smiles

Ohhh, Miss Celie…I feels like sangin’! …and buckin’ at the same time. lol

Poppa Grande

May 28th, 2009
1:38 pm

Cee

I’m sure your homeboy was looking “right cuuu-razy” when he realized you had gone on, to the flight.

No, he was cool. I called and told him that I called a taxi for him. So, he knew that I was gone.

It actually worked out for us. His brother lives in Fort Lauderdale and works at the airport with Avis Car Rental. His brother hooked us all up with some Beef Patties and Cocobread. (They are from Jamaica). So, he and his brother showed up to our room bearing food.

wRENN

May 28th, 2009
1:39 pm

@TAZZEE…u are welcome…you should watch for the one day sale and get an extra 15 or 20% off… and lol at walking with shorts on, yes you might give the wrong impression…you crazy! lol

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
1:39 pm

Tmac are you black?

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
1:39 pm

its because “I am all that Blackwomen” consider themselves a unique creatures and expect red carpet….

Tmac – I’m just curious as why this seems “bad.” There are enough people walking around with low self esteem and a poor self image. Why shouldn’t one consider themselves “unique” and expect the “red carpet?”

Cemeeli

May 28th, 2009
1:39 pm

@ Dan – Wow! I guess, i just expect more from you…

Melo

May 28th, 2009
1:41 pm

Raqi, i think we need more abortion in our commnity!

SexyCool

May 28th, 2009
1:41 pm

Rell – I know you know me. I miss you.

Poppa Grande

May 28th, 2009
1:42 pm

Raqi

I’ve told my friend that too.

My wife claims it is because he is from the Caribbean. Her paternal grandfather branch of her family tree is from Barbados. They are late a lot. I didn’t attribute the islands to it, though.

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
1:42 pm

Rell - learning more than talking

May 28th, 2009
1:43 pm

@tmac…stop it i say….lol…its not that bad…why do you listen when women talk that nonense anyway…LMAO…

Tmac

May 28th, 2009
1:43 pm

AmazonRed,

There is a Nile like difference between, “I am all that black woman” and having high self esteem.

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
1:44 pm

Jamoca Yep. I went all the way home just to make him a ham sandwich. No mayo, mustard, lettuce, tomato, cheese or nothing. Just bread and meat. He could have done that himself. He only needs one hand to do that.

The doctor is estimating 8 weeks of healing time for him.

Cemeeli

May 28th, 2009
1:44 pm

Gon’ ahead and sang somthing mami.

I miss that “ism” presence as well Jamoca.

Off Topic: What’s up with all these STRONGLY mint flavored gums? I think Orbit and Dentyne has the worst. Polar Ice Dentyne is about to bring tears to my eyes.

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
1:44 pm

LOL Tazzee I see you got the joke without me having to post it.

Melo

May 28th, 2009
1:45 pm

So Jamoca=For Real but is not = to Raqi

I support Jamoca(tmrw too)
:lol:

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
1:45 pm

There is a Nile like difference between, “I am all that black woman” and having high self esteem.

If you say so. *shrugs*

-W8©

May 28th, 2009
1:46 pm

Ladies, how do you show respect towards men? Not talking about marriage or dating..I am talking about in general? I mean in general men are supposed to show respect i.e. opening doors etc etc etc. We level of respect are women to adhere to in everyday situations?

Rell - learning more than talking

May 28th, 2009
1:46 pm

Rell – I know you know me. I miss you

- AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ISH i am gettin full…lol….i got you…time to burn down the house again…hell i will be out that way dis weekend…so ya know wings on you…lol

-W8©

May 28th, 2009
1:48 pm

Cemeeli

May 28th, 2009
1:48 pm

His brother hooked us all up with some Beef Patties and Cocobread. (They are from Jamaica). So, he and his brother showed up to our room bearing food.

PoppaG Was it from a restaurant around Miami? There is one in Lauderdale that called “Jerk Station”…great eats! The culture in the area of that restaurant is Jamacian and Cuban.

I’m having withdrawls! Jamacian cuisine is one of my favorites!

Jamoca

May 28th, 2009
1:51 pm

Tatas aka Rasa Devi I’ll be dayumed if the unaccountable one is advising the other to take ownership??! He may want to first start by wiping the bullsh!t off his dayum chin, FIRST.

Lioness- Going to the Pool

May 28th, 2009
1:54 pm

Cee- Maybe the gum companies are trying to tend to the folks with halitosis.. I love Obitz fruitini & Pepperrmint! Yummy

What’s up with all this West Indian People are always late stuff?

W8- Good Question.. I have NO answer :)

Dan

May 28th, 2009
1:54 pm

@Raqi

I’m sympathetic (in a way I won’t explain) to having an “untimed” pregnancy upon you. I was attempting to give credence to the options available in that situation. Adopting and caring for a child is a beautiful thing “caring for a child that is not your own”; likewise giving a child up for adoption when no one in the situation is mentally or financially ready for that is not an unacceptable option. That was the point I was trying to make.

@Cee

What’s I do?

@TMac

Not to pull an Elijah – but a Black woman is the finest thang on this Earf. I mean I get down with the other races and all, but give me a “isha”, “eka”, “ion” anyday patna. That said, you giving me high blood pressure from all that salt in the game “couldn’t take the heat” so you decided to leave the kitchen?

They are difficult to deal with, but worth having, IMO.

@ARed

There’s healthy confidence, wanting to be treated in a certain manner, and quietly demanding that from others. But dude has a point, some of these ladies out here want to treated like champange and lobster but only reciprocating with beer and cheetos.

That’s not to say I treat ‘em like that, but I’m learning to “save the special treatment for special women”.

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
1:55 pm

W-Eight by calling dem Massa Jefferson.

Seriously though, more women should appreciate men more. More of us should acknowledge when you all do show us gentleman like acts. More women should not disrespect men by trying to berate or emasculate them for no reason at all.

Poppa Grande

May 28th, 2009
1:56 pm

Cee

According to them, It was from around Pro Player Stadium/Dolphin Stadium (whatever it is call now). That is where is brother stays. They went by his brother’s house first before going down to South Beach.

I do know that it was good.

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
1:58 pm

But dude has a point, some of these ladies out here want to treated like champange and lobster but only reciprocating with beer and cheetos.

Yeah, but that’s not what he was saying. He didn’t quality it with “reciprocation.” HE stated that they act like “they are all that” so you have a choice to not spend anytime with them at all from the first conversation.

So yeah, not the same thing, sorry.

Melo

May 28th, 2009
1:59 pm

inflated self view (look good, long hair, tall, big booty, edumacated, decent career, well paying job

and my own car,my own crib..yada,yada,yada.

But u know Tmac,there are a lot of dudes riding on the female bandwagon too thats why chics get empowered to say stuff like that.
Riding on the passenger car each merning,taking the chic to wrk and getting back with said car and spending the day wit car,living with chic and not paying no bills and getting bailed outta jail all the time by the chic…on and on and on…..
Hence the ‘hear me row’ black female chant!

Rell - learning more than talking

May 28th, 2009
2:00 pm

They are difficult to deal with, but worth having, IMO.

- They are not even difficult my dude…when we having problems with the women..actually its us having a problem with ourselves and it projects out..feel me…now that i have killed angry rell…now comes the love..

calling dem Massa Jefferson

- LOL…loves it….

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
2:00 pm

Oh Dan you don’t have to try to make nice with me about my little bastard. I made him. And I love him to death.

I just thought you were saying that route should be taken to avoid the BM deadbeat dad syndrome. If a woman is truly not able or wanting to take on the responsibility I would say yes give the child to someone we can. But not just so a guy can be loosed from the epidemic. Even if the mother opts for adoption the guy that is capable would still be less of a man to let his child get put away when he could step up and be a father. There are plenty of single fathers out there raising kids that have trifling mothers.