accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Put your foot down

One of the frustrating things about the dating scene is dealing with disrespect. It seems inevitable that you run into that person who is inconsiderate, inexperienced, or flat out clueless. You would think that the older we get, the less likely we are to meet this type of person. Sadly, that is not always the case and then you have to put your foot down.

If a guy has some bad behavior that is unacceptable to me, I always wonder how he has managed to get away with it. I mean,  all the women he dated never told him when he was being a jerk? Have you ever met or dated someone who was unaware of their bad dating behavior? Did you call them out on it? How did they respond.

Are you guilty of any behaviors that others have called out before? I once had a guy call me out on being late all the time. He finally had to put his foot down and let me know that he wouldn’t tolerate it anymore. So much for being fashionably late! He saw it as disrespectful and he let me know. I quickly corrected that problem and now I am always on time or early for dates

How do you put your foot down or call someone out without alienating them?

478 comments Add your comment

THE INFAMOUS DK

May 28th, 2009
12:27 pm

For Real – Ok but since you feel disrespected all bets are off.. Now doesnt your conscience feel better that you tried..

Melo

May 28th, 2009
12:29 pm

Ared,my bad! Meant to say african but of a diff tribe,not zulu. :lol:

Rell - listening to the first 112 cd - now that we're done..

May 28th, 2009
12:29 pm

@Rell, where in Tucker…I love slushies, icees. I feel a “jones” coming on! BRB!

- across from the walmart shopping plaza and they are giving them away for FREE until the end of the week so says the coupon on my desk..along with buy one get one free..yes!!!!!!!!!

For Real

May 28th, 2009
12:30 pm

Dan: cosign your 12:11. People don’t want to work for nothing and ain’t nothing ever their fault.

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
12:30 pm

Ared,zulu but of a different tribe than me.

melo – Thanks. I was asking to see if it was a transition for her dating a guy from another country. But she is not American so it doesn’t matter.

Rell - learning more than talking

May 28th, 2009
12:32 pm

first Faith Evans cd this week

@mo…yea i posted a link on my FB a live performance she did of come over…for some reason i am feeling this week that whole time frame…like i am stuck on stupid…lol…i got to shake it..but it feels so good there…lol

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
12:33 pm

Everybody deserves a level of respect until they show they dont.. I mean basic respect is deserved by everyone. Thats the problem nobody uses the basic respect principle. I will respect you as long as you are respecting me..

:idea:

THE INFAMOUS DK

May 28th, 2009
12:34 pm

Well I’m listening to that Drake Mixtape.. So far gone..

SlimDiva

May 28th, 2009
12:35 pm

@Leggs. No the location is not secret. The production will be performed at Pointe South Community Center, 8049 Webb Road, Riverdale, GA (near GA Hwy 85). The cost is FREE!

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
12:36 pm

But ForReal we are talking to basic acts of respect. Everyone deserves that. What should a woman…no, what is there a woman has to do for you to pull her chair out? Do you refrain from doing so until she proves she is worth it? Or what must a woman do to get you to take the time to get to know her? How will you ever know her if she is not able to get your common courtesy with showing she is worth it? I don’t get it.

We aren’t talking marriage or commitment here just basic manners and respect while dating. Beyond dating there is a mete to be met before one decides to commit to another. Profit versus Losses. But other than that treating others with respect, pulling out chairs, opening doors is just a measure of your personality. Not the other person worth. Again every one deserves to be respected.

And Jesus did not have to earn respect. God spoke on his behalf before he even did any miracles. He treated everyone he met with love and kindness. Even those that hated him.

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
12:36 pm

Oh, and Thanks.

Wise Diva

May 28th, 2009
12:38 pm

Hi Everyone! I still don’t have an update about Blanca, but I will put out an APB on her this week!

Raqi, it was my pleasure, I really enjoyed your post and the discussion! Let me know when you are ready for another run at it :)

On topic (sort of) do you guys think it’s disrespectful for a guy to send a photo of his package in a text msg/email? What’s that about, anyway?

Mo (aka Moeisha- so excited)

May 28th, 2009
12:39 pm

Rell – I saw that on FB, I love this CD. And that 112 helped me write my thesis in college…wow.

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
12:39 pm

sister’s have a right to be angry because too many brothers have not step up to the plate and taken care of their responsibilities!

Elijah, while that may be true, it’s up to us to demand that they do and to pick men that do naturally. So no need to get angry. Some of the fault lies with us for allow it.

Melo

May 28th, 2009
12:40 pm

Guys of blogsville:

I received this invite headed “Foreign Affair Invitation Atlanta seminar‏” and i dont know how.It simply landed in my inbox.
Happening this Saturday,30th May.
If u want me to forward it to you,email me at takpat78@gmail.com.
Its only relevant for guys!
The first line reads:Fed up with the same old unsuccessful dating options? Time for a change?

PS.Personally,i aint going coz u know why.But i know some of uall may actually luv it.

Dan

May 28th, 2009
12:40 pm

@DK

Get the album (in stores now) that joint is okay.

The “basic respect” principle is illusatory, it’s fiction.

How you respect yourself and someone else has nothing, NOTHING to do with that other person. Someone that God, I hate the overuse of this word attempt to disrespect me is only showing their weakness of character and spirit. How I respond to the (non-existent physical) threat speaks to my sensibilities as well.

I am just as guilty as the next man for responding poorly in some cases, but I can say I’m working on it. And at the end of the day, it’s my problem that I allowed your attempt (at disrespect) to take me outta my mode. Shame on me

The Truth-Developing a camel hump

May 28th, 2009
12:40 pm

115 degrees today. What the hell am I doing in this pit of hell?

On topic: Opening doors and whatnot doesnt take any effort and always yields good karma, if for nobody else but yourself.

On respect, if you let someone treat you in a way other than you like or deserve thats your fault.

DJ Sniper

May 28th, 2009
12:42 pm

The reason chivalry and good manners in general have gone by the wayside is because a lot of people are just not being taught these things in the home. For the ones who are being taught, they may start out doing them, but then they deal with women who don’t appreciate it, so they get jaded and say screw it. Also, some women just don’t know how to respond positively to such treatment.

Me, I still open doors for women and what not. I usually get thank you’s more often than not, so I haven’t been deterred or anything like that. I will admit that I’ve never really done the car door thing. It’s not because I don’t like doing it or anything like that, but it’s just something I don’t really do.

Lioness- I need Water

May 28th, 2009
12:42 pm

Diva- On topic (sort of) do you guys think it’s disrespectful for a guy to send a photo of his package in a text msg/email? What’s that about, anyway? H*LL YEAH!

This girl that I know always meets dudes that seem to think it is alright to send package pics to her via text message.. I couldn’t believe it! I have NEVER had a man do that to me and I KNOW that would be the ABSOLUTE last time I would speak to the dude! I don’t even like to get chain text messages/emails, silly pictures, jokes etc.. I am WAY too old for all that!

Melo

May 28th, 2009
12:44 pm

do you guys think it’s disrespectful for a guy to send a photo of his package in a text msg/email?

Lame, bullshytt and stupid but on another note, i guess the guys who do,send that to deserving females.

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
12:45 pm

On topic: Opening doors and whatnot doesnt take any effort and always yields good karma, if for nobody else but yourself.

Truth – Exactly. That whole “she didn’t look worthy of respect” attitude won’t get you past the pearly gates.

Do your job even if the other person isn’t doing theirs.

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
12:45 pm

do you guys think it’s disrespectful for a guy to send a photo of his package in a text msg/email?

Blatant disrespect. And yeah what is with that? Just because you have access to a nice looking big shiny gun doesn’t mean you know how to use it. Heck are the bullets even loaded?

DJ Sniper

May 28th, 2009
12:47 pm

WD, I’ve talked to quite a few females who have dealt with guys that have sent pics of their “package” in a text. The main reason some guys do that, as well as a lot of other trifling things, is very simple: at some point, it worked. Most guys operate on the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” line of thinking. Somewhere, there’s a chick who responded positively to his package pic and it yieled the desired results. I ain’t agreeing with it, but hey, that’s how some dudes roll.

Poppa Grande

May 28th, 2009
12:47 pm

AR

The Lakers have been really inconsistent during these playoffs. They may win but the series ain’t over.

They blew out Houston in one game and then got blown out themselves the next.

There is no consistency. Maybe they finally decided to go inside consistency now. This was my gripe with Phil Jackson. Until last night, Kobe had 50 more shot attempts in this series than the next player (Pau Gasol). That is asking a lot of Kobe and not enough of other players. They have a height advantage that they haven’t been using. That is on the coach.

Also,Derek Fisher should just sit and Shannon Brown should play more, too.

On topic

Letting people know what you what you will take and not take is just a part of life. (That is what the terrible twos is all about…find out limits). It is more about respecting yourself.

I let my then girlfriend(now wife) know my gripes upfront.

(1) I loathe tardiness. I share the sentiment with Ricky from Barbershop (There you go, Cee, another movie tie in) as he said in the movie” We need to be on time for something other than free before 11″. Time is the most valuable thing that we have. Each minute spent doing one things is one less minute doing something else. Once that minute is gone, you don’t get it back ever.

(2) If you have a problem with me or something that I did, talk to me and not at me aka yelling. I’d do the same. It is a no win for me if you are yelling at me. At my size, if I yell back I look like a bully or abusive. If I let do it, I am a punk. No win.

She has only violated this once. I simply got my hat and keys and went bowling on Monroe Drive for about 5 hours. It takes two to argue and I wasn’t gonna be baited

Rell

Ritas is pretty good.

THE INFAMOUS DK

May 28th, 2009
12:49 pm

Elijah – Come on Guy. Youre making my eyes bleed.. Are you serious?? Everyone has something to be angry about but why.. It comsumes you. I take care of my child and my EX for that matter so why should someone be angry with me? Those blanket statements are a mess you know..

Cemeeli

May 28th, 2009
12:49 pm

@ Rell – Dang man. I’d enjoy a icee right now! They took away our ice-cream bar here. Need to check out Rita one day.

@ Staceye – What color’s yours? According to size as well, we may be twins. My dress is a dark smoke gray I’m wearing gold accessories which is rare for me. My earrings are from the Fossil outlet @ Tanger, never thought i’d wear them. My co-worker asked me to take my sweater off so she can see how the back is made. It has these flower and paisley designed holes down the back. Girl i got this dress at Maxx for like $30. And i have my earplugs in listening to music….just in another world.

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 28th, 2009
12:49 pm

On topic (sort of) do you guys think it’s disrespectful for a guy to send a photo of his package in a text msg/email? What’s that about, anyway?

Wise….eeeeeeeewwwwww. Please tell me that didn’t happen to you…I sure hope not.

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
12:51 pm

@ PG

Duh!

Sincerely,
AmazonRed

:P

THE INFAMOUS DK

May 28th, 2009
12:53 pm

Dan – Now you know my Mom always say you do the right thing. Thats what I do, in most cases no matter what someone else does..

Yeah on that Drake.. I like the Soo Far Gone Mixtape.. Its more authentic..

THE INFAMOUS DK

May 28th, 2009
12:54 pm

Whoever – A dude is wrong on some many levels for sending pics of his junk over a phone.. I dont care if she asks for it..

Cemeeli

May 28th, 2009
12:58 pm

“We need to be on time for something other than free before 11″

PoppaG I don’t drink. So there! When i’m late i feel horrible. I would reather re-schedule. Like the time i was 1.5 hours later. but i shared with him waht transpired and he was cool and he said since i had such a “eventful” afternoon that he wanted to treat me to a good time. Despite having to wait that long. Very nice guy, just the type that will allow me to…oh nevermind. I did offer to compensate him for his time or reschedule.

I do not take folk’s time for granted. Time is a precious commodity but more precious is someone’s heart…<—that’s another lesson there.

Raqi...Sandwich Making Mama

May 28th, 2009
12:59 pm

And further more there is way more to sex than a thrusting shlong. For the average woman on an average day guys like that would be better off sending over a picture of his tongue.

Yeah I went too far on that one, but since you brought it up…LOL

For Real

May 28th, 2009
12:59 pm

Raqi: common courtesy and respect are two different things. Which one are you talking about? I can and do give common courtesy but I will earn your respect and you will earn mines. I know what God spoke but since men have free will Jesus had to earn their respect by treating everyone the way he did. Jesus never said I am Jesus come pay your respects. He walked and then walked some more.

Rell: I looked at that link and ole boy is a busta and so are the chicks that deal with him.

Truth: If you take short breath it will cool the air as it enters your lungs or did I see that in an Eddie Murphy movie?

Wise: I think it shows the dude has not self respect or ability to talk to women. He is not capable of engaging a chick with his speak persona so he goes with all his has a picture of his wang.

Tmac

May 28th, 2009
1:00 pm

Staceye, ( I laughed at your aggrandizement of a Black Woman) you are in a different world of you…

Black Woman if we don’t put up with their shyt! The reason some men flock to other cultures is that what we deem as disrespectful..the other think it’s wrong to call a man on it.

SexyCool

May 28th, 2009
1:01 pm

Melo – I deserved an @$$hole’s disrespect just because HE was an @$$hole? Seriously? That’s like saying I deserve to get robbed just cause I got money.

You know me. H#ll, you just saw me at ABC yesterday. You should know quite well that there is nothing about the way that I carry myself that would indicate that seing me a picture of your johnson is something that is acceptable to me. When it happened to me, I immediately called dude on it and simply disassociated myself with him.

The other side of that coin is idiots who ask me to send them a picture of my ‘in my skin’. Read the last line of Paragraph Two above.

Clearly, these were two individuals who did not know me very well.

Leggs

May 28th, 2009
1:02 pm

Something tells me it’s about to be a little bang-bang, shoot ‘em up in the spot….so DK, tell me…does your offer still stand? And is that vacant spot right next to you on the sofa, still on reserve just for me? Of course, it will not only serve as a refuge for the two of us to lay low, while watching the others fight amongst us…but this would be the perfect time for us to discuss some “thangs” <—as you would say. Well if so, something also tells me that you could probably use this bit of info as well: sharmyn.kelliehan@opc.com

Cemeeli

May 28th, 2009
1:02 pm

@ Wise – I think it’s SOOOO wrong on so many levels for a person to text pictures of their privates.

Poppa Grande

May 28th, 2009
1:03 pm

AR

Duh!

:grin:

Some analyst (I think that it was Jeff Van Gundy) was clowning the Lakers’ consistency. He said that if you look up inconsistency in the dictionary, you’d see those guys’ picture by it. it is dorky, but still kind of funny

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
1:06 pm

PG – Stop talking to me about my Lakers. It gets my pressha up. :lol: Much like being a Raiders fan but at least the Lakers win (albeit in dramatic, Hollywood style fashion! :lol: )

AmazonRed™

May 28th, 2009
1:08 pm

do you guys think it’s disrespectful for a guy to send a photo of his package in a text msg/email? What’s that about, anyway?

I think the key to avoiding these types of things happening is being just a little bit crazy so that the guy is never sure just what you are capable of. You know, they live in fear a little bit that doing the wrong thing will have you snap and wild out on em.

Send me a picture like that and it’s getting forwarded to everyone at your job!

Not like I’d actual do that, but it certainly would make you think twice before pressing “send!”

:lol:

Tazzee - partying with my girls tonight!

May 28th, 2009
1:09 pm

Mr. Smith If you are talking about random women blowing up, then that’s cool – but your initial post quoted mine and was totally out of context. I will admit that there are some women that exhibit those behaviors and that is precisely way the other ladies and I were saying that we used to go out of our way NOT to say anything when disrespected.

Oh and my crew will be having a good time tonight – no angry women in my bunch.

On being late – I’m a stickler for being on time and will leave someone in a heartbeat. With those that I care for, I’ve learned to cope by telling them a different time, coming a little late myself or occupying myself with a book or my iPhone. But that is one of my major pet peeves!

Sassy – I got my first package in email this year from a random dude. It shocked and angered me. Then a couple of weeks later, another dude did it. At that point I didn’t want to talk to ANYONE with a package. I was H-O-T! What angered me was I hadn’t had any type of sexual conversation with either of those dudes. Matter fact, we were in the initial phases of our conversations talking about things like what we like to do, etc. ARGH! Just thinking of those encounters gets me a little upset. Sorry Suckas!

Poppa Grande

May 28th, 2009
1:10 pm

Cee

My wife’s first words to me as my wife were “I’m sorry that I was late to the Church”. She knows how serious I am about timeliness.

My bestfriend is my homie, my brother from another mother, etc. However, when he was running late in packing when we were on our way to Miami for one of our guy weekends, I left him. I was gonna make the flight on time. I did call him a taxi…lol. He had to fly into Fort Lauderdale because the next flight to Miami was way later. We met him there.

Dan

May 28th, 2009
1:11 pm

I watched that game last night and noticed 3 things:

1) Home-court means a lot fouls by the home team are not called and mysterious fouls by the visiting teams “appear”:

2) Carmelo Anthony had a really off night and wasn’t doing things to work himself back in the game (rebounding, defense);

and 3) if the performances that Lamar Odom, Shannon Brown, and Derek Fisher are more than an abberation (which is what they are), then the next couple of games are going to be good.

All that said, I’m still taking Denver

The Truth-Developing a camel hump

May 28th, 2009
1:13 pm

You shouldnt be offended if someone doesnt respect you. Oftentimes that person doesn’t respect themself. Overall opening a door or helping someone lift groceries or whatever it is says more about where you are in your life. If it takes monumental effort to do something so small that could possibly lift someones spirits then you really need to take a minute and think about where you are in life.

These things aren’t hard and that door isnt that heavy.

TMAC, alot of cats bolt to other nationalities because the chick is easier to control. Thing is that sista will submit just the same if your game is tight enough. Instead of lowering your standard up your game.

Melo

May 28th, 2009
1:14 pm

SexxyCool,for a moment i was lost on the meaning of ur post.
He read u wrong.Like smeone said,thats proly his modus operandi and has wrked for him,maybe,in the past.

Sorry to hear u collected that garbage in ur mail! :lol:

Poppa Grande

May 28th, 2009
1:16 pm

Cee

My wife’s first words to me as my wife were “I’m sorry that I was late to the Church”. She knows how serious I am about timeliness. I don’t know what happened to the rest of this paragraph.. as below…

However, I told the wife to not worry about it. It was our wedding day, and she got a pass.

I don’t why part of the post disappeared…I’m used to all of it disappearing, but part no.

Melo

May 28th, 2009
1:17 pm

:grin:

Leggs,i like ur proposal!
Lemme hush,three is a crowd. :lol:

Elijah

May 28th, 2009
1:17 pm

You guys are funny! Yes Mr. Real most of the ladies I dated put 50 percent more into the relationship then I did. I was just young and foolish minded not to realize what a blessing it is to have a woman who is down for me!

Yes each person is personal responsibly for the own actions, but you can be angry at someone who just straight out trick you! Which so many brother have done to our sistas! Black men have left our ladies with the burden of single parenting and you think they cannot blame someone!

I know it’s not all the fault of every man, but cmon 60 to 70 percent of black households ran by single females! That is not acceptable on no levels!

Tazzee - partying with my girls tonight!

May 28th, 2009
1:17 pm

Thing is that sista will submit just the same if your game is tight enough. Instead of lowering your standard up your game.

The Truth – hugs to you for that one ;-)

Poppa Grande

May 28th, 2009
1:18 pm

Dan

I think that Carmelo’s ankle may bother him more than he’s letting on. He twisted it in the game before last night.

I think that it goes 7