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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Relationship A la Carte

Good Morning everyone! Today’s post is courtesy of our fabulous Raqi. If you are new to the MIA blog, Raqi is a married woman with a bambino on the way. Whenever she comments on relationships I perk up and take notes. She always provides insight about love and marriage without sugar coating things! Her topic today may strike a nerve for some of you but please read what she says carefully then weigh in with your comments!

In my early adult years I would hear of male-female relationships labeled with different terms. Traditional, Modern and Open. Those were considered the relationship combos as far as I am concerned. Today those terms still exist today but to some not in the same context. We have managed to construct relationships in a way that gives the benefit of one term sans the return responsibility.

The relationship a la carte. I, as most of you have read, am a traditionalist in the largest sense. I believe and practice the gender roles in my relationship. But that’s just me. What works for me does not necessarily work for others. That’s cool and that’s life. However, where I see the imbalance in some is with the picking and choosing of the relationship sectors. I find that many women want the benefits of having a traditional mate, yet they themselves do not care to take on the roles of the traditional woman.. There are men that desire the modernistic woman on one hand however he wants her to regard him as the head on the other.

It is all fair? Can we have it both ways? Can you enjoy the freedom of the open relationship and still get the devotion that comes with being monogamous?

I think not. But again that is just me. I read the other day where someone declared being a modern woman yet still wanted the protection of the days of old man.

Relationships are give and take. But can one give modern and expect traditional in return. Do you think we can pick and choose what part of the relationships we want to practice and it all work out in the end?

And not just that, how many of you buy into the together but separate ways of doing. Can a couple really be together yet live separate? Can you choose what part of the relationship you want to live as a couple and what parts you don’t?

540 comments Add your comment

SexyCool

May 27th, 2009
3:07 pm

I, too, am divorced, but would like to be married again.

kimmie

May 27th, 2009
3:11 pm

Truth – So you saying you not scared to be married to me? Good, cause you know you married me for my money. I thought we had an understanding.LOL!!

For lack of a better word – fear – but yes, I’ve noticed especially with men that if they have a lot of naysayers around telling them how awful marriage is, especially if they did not have a good example with their parents, they are fearful – or lets say “extremely hesitant”LOL!

Poppa Grande

May 27th, 2009
3:11 pm

Cee

Do you still need the name to Flip the burger boutique on Howell Mill?

BTW, when did Six Foot Under On Memorial sell out to Tin Lizzy’s. The only Six Foot Under is now near Northside.

Cemeeli

May 27th, 2009
3:11 pm

W8- What if you’re putting a ultimatum on something that is not suppose to happen prior to 1/2/2011? Are you just sayin’…just sayin’?

THE INFAMOUS DK

May 27th, 2009
3:11 pm

I’ll start taking those apologies on my word demasculate starting here…

Dan

May 27th, 2009
3:11 pm

@DK

She had his masculinity in hand from Day 1, partly why I can’t watch the show (that one episode was enuff for me).

@PG

An astute analysis. She made a decision and wants them to live with it.

Tazzee - it's my birthday week!

May 27th, 2009
3:11 pm

My guy is divorced and wants to get married again. It appears that abc is someone that’s been divorced but promotes marriage (did abc get married?)

I have another guy friend that got divorced and promotes marriage. He and I almost dated, but he couldn’t wait until the divorce was final before trying to holla…

Cemeeli

May 27th, 2009
3:13 pm

@ PoppaG – What? Six Feet has done the switcheroo?! I’m not trippin’ as long as they didn’t move to waaaaayyyy North Atl.

Did you go to have dinner at the other location?

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
3:13 pm

PG – She was a nurse, but gave up nursing when she had the sextuplets, so her salary was of no consideration.

He was in IT or something and they got by on that and a lot of free stuff from folks.

He quit his job a couple years ago because the show and appearances paid them enough that neither would have to work.

Tazzee - it's my birthday week!

May 27th, 2009
3:13 pm

BTW, when did Six Foot Under On Memorial sell out to Tin Lizzy’s. The only Six Foot Under is now near Northside.

WHAT?!?!!? Dang, I was planning to go there this weekend… :-(

Sybil

May 27th, 2009
3:14 pm

Cemeeli

May 27th, 2009
3:14 pm

Flip issa done deal. Thanks for remembering!

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
3:15 pm

I’ll start taking those apologies on my word demasculate starting here…

:lol: You say demasculate when the word is “emasculate” or does demasculate mean something different then what the context said.

Conversate is not a word either, but folks use it and you can find it. :lol:

Sybil

May 27th, 2009
3:16 pm

DefiNItion, that is.

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
3:16 pm

Sybil – Oh it’s an “urban” word eh?

No wonder. :lol:

Dan

May 27th, 2009
3:17 pm

@Kimmie

That “fear” and “influence” you speak of is the measure of that man. No one can tell anyone else how to live life because all our experiences are different.

I too would like to be married, in part to have that soulmate in my life, and in part because I don’t do kids outside of marriage. But in listening to all the griping, arguments, and frustration of my married peers and relatives the one constant is to find the woman that you can love and like, the woman that you argue with and nothing festers, and pray like heck that she don’t change after “I do”.

Kym

May 27th, 2009
3:17 pm

PopG Six Feet is still in the area go down one block to the Jane bldg. And quit spreading rumors.

Sybil

May 27th, 2009
3:17 pm

@ARed – you feel me, huh?

Poppa Grande

May 27th, 2009
3:18 pm

Enter your comments here

Leggs

May 27th, 2009
3:18 pm

Just because it’s in the urban dictionary doesn’t make it a word. I know you know this. Cool! Do you rememeber how long it took for the word “ain’t” to appear in Webster’s? Most of those urban words will never appear!

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
3:19 pm

@ARed – you feel me, huh?

You know it. Type in “conversate” and see what comes up. I am LMAO!!! :lol:

Melo

May 27th, 2009
3:19 pm

Or they are too short for me.

yeah!! a tall chic with a short guy,proly it can work.But it sure looks hilarious! :lol:
And i bet u,he will always be angry coz other dudes will want to holla at u in his presence.And short dude will alwaaaaaays take it the wrong way and to another level. :arrow: thats him Ared :evil: looking and waiting to hear ur response to that other hollering dude! :lol:

kimmie

May 27th, 2009
3:19 pm

Poppa – I heard that too, about the adoption and his resentment when she got preggers with sextuplets. One more kid he was cool with, but 6? The few times I watched it I could feel the tension between them – his resentment and her bossyness! Their marriage was a disaster waiting to happen so I am not surprised.

Personally, if I were in Jon’s shoes, I would have stuffed that resentment and we’d have put on an Oscar-worthy performance for the camera to get that money!!LOL!! He could have shut her mouth easily from jump if he had the balls and we would have rode that thing out till those kids went away to college!! I know, sounds easier than it looks, but hey, give me a chance to make a cool million or so and I’d work it!!!

Melo

May 27th, 2009
3:21 pm

Conversate,Aks(ask),Demascualte….i get it when they say it tho!

-W8©

May 27th, 2009
3:21 pm

@Leggs- LMAO..no punk here..all beef!!
@kimmie- good example from parents will do that to ya
@Cee-If i’m not engaged by then I guess I would just be missing out then..fa real fa real

Sybil

May 27th, 2009
3:21 pm

@Leggs – that’s the exact point I was making.

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
3:22 pm

Most of those urban words will never appear!

Good. Bootylicious is in (some) dictionaries too. :lol:

-W8©

May 27th, 2009
3:24 pm

@kimmie- so he wanted one more kid and got 6?

Cemeeli

May 27th, 2009
3:24 pm

Six Feet is still in the area go down one block to the Jane bldg. And quit spreading rumors.

She is my “Ambassador of Kwan”.

kimmie

May 27th, 2009
3:24 pm

Dan- I feel ya, that’s just a discussion for another day. The 2 I dealt with were affected negetively – at the very least I had to hear about the gripes of the friends and then deal with the effects on my men’s spirit and it was not pleasant. My SO’s friends don’t have those troubles, or at least they keep them to themselves. A much more pleasant situation to be in.

Leggs

May 27th, 2009
3:26 pm

I know it was, Sybil.

LOL @ W-8.

@Melo, using the word “conversate” it next to the top on my list of Don’t’s. But “aks” is at the top! I cannot stand the way a lot of black folx say “ask”. There’s an “s” in there and it’s not SILENT!

kimmie

May 27th, 2009
3:26 pm

W8 – Yep, just one!

SexyCool

May 27th, 2009
3:27 pm

Cemeeli – She is my “Ambassador of Kwan”.

GIRL – I was JUST looking up Jerry Maquire quotes today. And did you know that you can find the manifesto that he wrote online?

Tazzee - it's my birthday week!

May 27th, 2009
3:28 pm

PopG Six Feet is still in the area go down one block to the Jane bldg. And quit spreading rumors.

Thanks Kym – the bad part about it is, I knew this…the last time I went it was in the new building. *my mind is bad

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 27th, 2009
3:29 pm

W8 actually he didn’t WANT anymore but Kate JUST HAD to have ONE more and they got six and neither were keen on the idea of “reduction” so they had six chirren even though they had two already.

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
3:29 pm

@kimmie- so he wanted one more kid and got 6?

W8 – He was happy with the two they had. She wanted to go for one more. He agreed after they talked about it for a while. They knew the chances were high to get multiples with infertility treatments, but neither of them expected 6.

But basically, it wasn’t his to go over the two they had. He said that he didn’t resent it because he didn’t have to agree.

THE INFAMOUS DK

May 27th, 2009
3:30 pm

Dan @ I know I checked it to see what the hub bub was about and I was like she talks real wreckless to him..

Amazon – Tomato or Tom-ato. Demaculate is on the innanet.. You just cant lose can you? Take the L babe. It suits you.

THE INFAMOUS DK

May 27th, 2009
3:31 pm

Dang I’m talking junk and mispell the word i’m trying to defend..

kimmie

May 27th, 2009
3:31 pm

Okay, as others have clarified – he AGREED to one more, not WANTED!

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
3:32 pm

Demaculate is on the innanet..

DK – And? So is a lot of things.

The word is “emasculate” though. That is what it is.

-W8©

May 27th, 2009
3:33 pm

It’s so funny runnin’ into you
It has to be three years
Since we last seen each other
Many flashbacks come to mind
Of the wild and crazy times
We used to have with one another
We absolutely didn’t care
We would do it anywhere
Eye contact, and it was over
But that’s when I was wildin’ out
I couldn’t care less about
Someone gettin’ hurt
I’ve done my share of dirt
But I done wised up
1 - Seein’ you reminds me of
All the nights I used to beat it up
I would do it again, but I can’t
Cuz everything is different now
I finally have settled down
And became a one woman man
Ooh
There were many others after you
Quite a few one night stands
Some of their names I can’t remember
Imagine wakin’ up to someone new
You barely even knew
Time and time again
But there’s someone for everyone
I’ve been blessed to find that one
Who makes me feel like no other
You are lookin’ good as hell
But I can’t go home with you
Because I’m goin’ home to her
Repeat 1
Long gone, are the days
When I ran the streets
Tryin’ to get laid
Ooh, and now
(See now that I found the love of my life)
(I don’t have to trick no more)
Girl, it was nice seein’ you
But I gotta go home to my baby

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 27th, 2009
3:33 pm

Sassy Me doing her homework and using the “word of the day” in a sentence: Kate demasculated Jon so he found him a Ms. New booty. :) Read y’all tomorrow…..

Cemeeli

May 27th, 2009
3:33 pm

SexyCool -

Jerry Maquire

Cuba Gooding worked that movie! It’s actually one of my favorite. Regina did her thing too…a Classic.

Cuba was good in “Radio” too…another favorite sappy movie i watch over and over.

kimmie

May 27th, 2009
3:35 pm

Leggs – I can’t stand to here people say “shrimps”!

THere is this lady I work with that tries to be all proper and lets everyone know she is not from here, but from Baltimore. How about I hear her saying all the time “I seen this or I seen that”? It drives me crazy! SAW, it’s SAW!!!!LOL!!

-W8©

May 27th, 2009
3:36 pm

So this woman Kate gets sideways at the mouth with her husband on national tv?

Cemeeli

May 27th, 2009
3:36 pm

Tazzee “my mind is bad” We need to stop smoking that stuuuufff.

HA!

I went to the new side building before also. And i think you and i spoke about it. I went with S and she got turned around b/c she had been there only the one time before going again.

THE INFAMOUS DK

May 27th, 2009
3:37 pm

Amazon – I am not going to allow you to demasculate me.. See where this is going?

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
3:38 pm

So this woman Kate gets sideways at the mouth with her husband on national tv?

She hits him too. Most of the time it’s playful, but a couple of times, she’s slapped him a little too hard and has to apologize.

Cemeeli

May 27th, 2009
3:38 pm

@ W8 – You get a fine for all that! I feel like i had to post around a long curtain or something!

SexyCool

May 27th, 2009
3:39 pm

Cemeeli – TNT used to loop Jerry Maguire – playing it 3 or 4 times back to back. I could literally pick it up at any point and watch it all the way through a few times.

Same thing with Pretty Woman, Coming to America, Love Jones and Brown Sugar.