Relationship A la Carte
Good Morning everyone! Today’s post is courtesy of our fabulous Raqi. If you are new to the MIA blog, Raqi is a married woman with a bambino on the way. Whenever she comments on relationships I perk up and take notes. She always provides insight about love and marriage without sugar coating things! Her topic today may strike a nerve for some of you but please read what she says carefully then weigh in with your comments!
In my early adult years I would hear of male-female relationships labeled with different terms. Traditional, Modern and Open. Those were considered the relationship combos as far as I am concerned. Today those terms still exist today but to some not in the same context. We have managed to construct relationships in a way that gives the benefit of one term sans the return responsibility.
The relationship a la carte. I, as most of you have read, am a traditionalist in the largest sense. I believe and practice the gender roles in my relationship. But that’s just me. What works for me does not necessarily work for others. That’s cool and that’s life. However, where I see the imbalance in some is with the picking and choosing of the relationship sectors. I find that many women want the benefits of having a traditional mate, yet they themselves do not care to take on the roles of the traditional woman.. There are men that desire the modernistic woman on one hand however he wants her to regard him as the head on the other.
It is all fair? Can we have it both ways? Can you enjoy the freedom of the open relationship and still get the devotion that comes with being monogamous?
I think not. But again that is just me. I read the other day where someone declared being a modern woman yet still wanted the protection of the days of old man.
Relationships are give and take. But can one give modern and expect traditional in return. Do you think we can pick and choose what part of the relationships we want to practice and it all work out in the end?
And not just that, how many of you buy into the together but separate ways of doing. Can a couple really be together yet live separate? Can you choose what part of the relationship you want to live as a couple and what parts you don’t?
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540 comments Add your comment
SexyCool
May 27th, 2009
2:29 pm
Sassy – They flashed a shot of DHoward with a UnderArmour tank on. I almost passed out.
Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)
May 27th, 2009
2:29 pm
I don’t have friends all up in my business. Haven’t since high school, and really didn’t then!</em
Kimmie me either…never did hang with a huge clique of females b/c they keep up too mich ish and I don’t have the patience for it. I have one or two I roll with but not very often…usually do my dirty by my lonely. Last thing I need are witnesses…..
Cemeeli
May 27th, 2009
2:30 pm
Hi – Lioness…back at cha.
AmazonRed™
May 27th, 2009
2:30 pm
Let me go back to see who said something. Awww shyt, you said it —->It’s
Leggs –
I do acknowledge that folks can plant seeds of doubts in your head though. Even still, it’s your choice and on you if you chose to follow.
Kym
May 27th, 2009
2:31 pm
Oh good grief at any moment a big old love fest is going to break out.
THE INFAMOUS DK
May 27th, 2009
2:31 pm
Yeah I did fall into the blanket statement zone just then. Some women let their friends and families influence their lives..
Leggs – Its ok we disagree but at least its out there that we do and we can have a dialogue as to why. As long as we respect each others opinion on the matter and not stoop to petty attacks that undermine the conversation that put everyone on the defense. Now come over here and talk to me so we can work this thang out..
-W8©
May 27th, 2009
2:32 pm
I hate everybody..
Leggs
May 27th, 2009
2:33 pm
Yeah, yeah, yeah…I too had to laugh when I saw your name in front of that post.
Cemeeli
May 27th, 2009
2:34 pm
Sassy and Sexycool – Dont’ rob the cradle now.
Kym
May 27th, 2009
2:34 pm
@W8 Peace sign up with the index down to you too dude.
Poppa Grande
May 27th, 2009
2:34 pm
Good Topic.
My feelings is that there is nothing new under the sun. Therefore, I question the whole traditional v. modern relationship thing. As much as I talk about it, I don’t see that much different between the independent woman mentality and Eve’s mentality in the Garden. She knew what not to touch but had to have some of the “who is he to tell me what not to eat?” in her before the serpent came along. That is independent mindset aka I can decide for myself what is fit for me to eat.
Simping men have always been around. Some say the Adam was simping when he bit into the apple because he didn’t think for himself and was a follower.
As for relationships, there is no one size fits all for a traditional relationship. I’ve posted about my grandparents relationship. They had drag down real fist fights. I remember my grandma cutting my grandpa with a butcher knife, but then in the next breath getting her bag (& me) to take him to the emergency room. They both claimed to love each other and filled the gender roles but had that violent streak in both of them. However, when my grandpa had a heart attack, my grandma was right there by his side and took care of him and he did the same when she was diagnoses with cervical cancer. She refused a hysterectomy and he respected her wishes. (She wanted to leave earth with every part that she came into this world with) They were married for 57 years.
Relationships are as different as the people who are involved in them.
IMO the only thing traditional is keeping private things private (the behind closed doors doctrine). That is why reality show couples fail IMO. Their dirty laundry gets aired out publicly. Most couples don’t have to deal with that.
Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)
May 27th, 2009
2:34 pm
They flashed a shot of DHoward with a UnderArmour tank on. I almost passed out.
Sexy Guurrl, I completly understand…he’s just a marvelous specimen. That’s what I want for Christmas(with a big red bow strategically placed on it)..I promise I’ll be good.
Melo I agree…I have my “prefs.” as well..to each his/own…that’s why I like this blog.
Lioness- Going to the Pool
May 27th, 2009
2:35 pm
W8- My bad.. I can be random sometimes..
kimmie
May 27th, 2009
2:35 pm
W8 – It’s all good, though there are about 10 pregnant or just-had-babies women in my small office of this large corporation, so there is something in the water!
I always wanted a spring baby though, because I hated it that my birthday was in January!LOL!!
But no, Aunt Flow is visiting…sigh… I know, TMI!!!
Jamoca
May 27th, 2009
2:37 pm
DK – I hear you on that 2:14…it’s to whomever it applies. It’s not foreign to me that some folks are indeed weakminded and unable to make a sound decision for themselves…by themselves. Those are usually the ones who take no ownership for what they do!…since they often come back with the “you told me to do this…or I took your advice, it’s all your fault that I’m…blah, blah, blah…” But ultimately, whether she takes responsibility for what SHE ALLOWED herself to say, think and do…bottomline, it’s still HER fault, no one else. But I hear you…
W8 up – What’s up?! You could have saved some of that steak, dude!… I like ketchup on mine hahahaaa j/k!…ewww
Melo – You’re something else, man! Lol…but thank you. I’ll try my best to give you your money’s worth with my post. Fyi…none will be for shock either…I mean every…well most of what I put out hear! Lol…so keep those donations comin’…!
THE INFAMOUS DK
May 27th, 2009
2:37 pm
Dang I read that back and it was a horrible sentence or two in there..
Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)
May 27th, 2009
2:38 pm
W8 What’s wrong boo boo? as I hug you and you rest your head on my….shoulder
SexyLeggs
May 27th, 2009
2:38 pm
Stop lying W-8!
@DK, yes, that is one of the main ingredients in a relationship…”Respect”. We are starting off with a great foundation
The Truth-Developing a camel hump
May 27th, 2009
2:38 pm
WD, did Blanca finally quit or are we still waiting for her return? lmao
Really the only folks talking about wanting to get married have never been married.
Jams, whats up little lady? Was talking to a cat from Tampa/St Pete the other day and thought about you. Hope all is well.
Jamoca
May 27th, 2009
2:38 pm
put out *here*
Cemeeli
May 27th, 2009
2:38 pm
Hey Mo -I went partime when my kid was 9months. I juiced the heck outta my Longterm Disability!!! Sure did…he did not attend daycare until he was walking and training to the potty.
-W8©
May 27th, 2009
2:42 pm
@Kym- you are number one in my world also..lol Hey Kym I’m W8, nice to meet ya
@Lioness- No problem, with randomness(you been going to the pool for about 3 hours)
@Kimmie- I had a response but your last sentence took me for a loop…so umm Go Dawgs!!
@Jamoca- ..she wanted to put ketchup on a steak at chops..tsk tsk tsk..thanks for bringing that up..grrr..lol
M'
May 27th, 2009
2:44 pm
So y’all think dat be what happened to Jon & Kate????…he wanted the traditional and she went modern????…lol…j/k
-W8©
May 27th, 2009
2:45 pm
@Sassy- (while sniffling) dey wuz messsiiinnn wif me..i didn do nnuf uf uf uf in (while pointing @Kym) she showed me her middle finger
Melo
May 27th, 2009
2:46 pm
DK – I hear you on that 2:14…it’s to whomever it applies-Jamoca.
I hate to give u another cosign, else they call me simping.When it hurts u,u holla loudly!!!
Even married dudes/girls do that.Hang with other married dudes coz the unmaried/single etc will corrupt ur midset,wittingly and unwittingly or by osmosis.The moment my clique turned certain ages and we were hitched,our single friends dropped themsleves off the radar or we just found ourselves not hanging with them that much.To talk about what??Their many girlfrinds??
Coommon sense in my area code.
Leggs
May 27th, 2009
2:47 pm
@PoppaG, I’ve been waiting to read you on this topic all day. Thank you and I agree w/you. The other part to your reality show statement is that’s also why relationships fail like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Never understood how some truly expects to find love going that route!
The Truth-Developing a camel hump
May 27th, 2009
2:49 pm
Cee, is “juicing the heck out of longterm disability” the christian thing to do? You sure get going about god on a regular but there’s times you totally forget about it. Whats up with that?
AmazonRed™
May 27th, 2009
2:50 pm
Really the only folks talking about wanting to get married have never been married.
Truth –
Kym
May 27th, 2009
2:50 pm
@W8 First you and your buddy all but call me a liar. Then you talk about you hate everybody, figured I would return the hateration.
-W8©
May 27th, 2009
2:51 pm
@M- who is Jon & Kate
@Sexy- I aint lying (rolls my eyes)
Dan
May 27th, 2009
2:51 pm
@Leggs
If we can agree that society has changed from the traditional gender roles, can we agree that the search for “love” has changed as well?
I mean, between all the E-Harmony and other venues finding “love” or a relationship has gotten more accessible and a lot more difficult.
Lord Velonese
May 27th, 2009
2:53 pm
Reading between lines of what Raqi is saying, basically people still want there cake and eat it too.
Derail: Most of you need to go back to school; the poor grammar on here makes my eyes bleed.
Enough Said.
Poppa Grande
May 27th, 2009
2:54 pm
M
So y’all think dat be what happened to Jon & Kate????…he wanted the traditional and she went modern????…lol…j/k
I don’t watch the show, but I saw the clips on all of the newsmagazines (Today, GMA, etc). It seems that he doesn’t like the camera being there all of the time. He body language (especially face) shows resentment. He wants to be done with it (the show and the relationship).
-W8©
May 27th, 2009
2:54 pm
@Kym- When I made that post I was agreeing with you not disagreeing and Ce said something along the same lines so I agreed with the both of you at the same time.
kimmie
May 27th, 2009
2:55 pm
Melo – I agree with your 2:46. But like an earlier post I wrote to Dan, some folks do have a negetive influence on your mindset, even if they are the same status as you – and that’s where DK’s post about friends is true but not only for women. For example, a lot of your friends were marriage-minded and family-oriented. I notice a lot of guys who have friends that have a negetive mindset toward marriage and family or who are messing around on their wives – they tend to, if not emulate that behavior, at least be influenced by it – so they fear marriage and commitment or are not faithful themselves.
Cemeeli
May 27th, 2009
2:56 pm
Super Truth -What? My insurance has to do with God? Have you ever seen a Longterm Disability insurance policy?
I think you just wanna holla!
What up mister?
THE INFAMOUS DK
May 27th, 2009
2:56 pm
Jon and Kate is a perfect example of how a woman can be oh so disrespectful and demasculate a man.
Melo
May 27th, 2009
2:57 pm
do have a negetive influence on your mindset, even if they are the same status as you
thats true too!
DJ Sniper
May 27th, 2009
2:57 pm
W8, Jon and Kate are a couple who had fertility treatments and would up with 8 kids. They have a reality show on TLC called Jon and Kate Plus 8. Recently, Jon was spotted out on the town drinking with another chick, and now some of his dirt is starting to come out, as well as dirt his wife has done.
Poppa Grande
May 27th, 2009
2:57 pm
Leggs
The Bachelor and Bachelorette shows are fake. They are like Flava Flav’s show with wannabe celebrities picking other wannabe celebrities.
The reality shows that I speak of are like Carmen Electra’s marriage, Jessica Simpson’s marriage. These people were already married or already about to get married when they decided to have a show. A show is really invasive. They will only show the dirt because that is what gets ratings.
AmazonRed™
May 27th, 2009
3:00 pm
DK – You’re just gonna ride this “demasculate” word til the wheels fall off huh?
Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)
May 27th, 2009
3:00 pm
So y’all think dat be what happened to Jon & Kate????…he wanted the traditional and she went modern????…
M I’m not sure what happened to Jon and Kate….I’ve watched the show enough to see just from their body language that something just wasn’t right. I noticed how Jon would sit with his arm out and open and Kate sat away from him…kinda like shunning him and it just wasn’t inviting. I know they have 8 kids but I rarely saw affection between them. Plus Kate treated Jon like one of the kids….now THAT was emasculating. Even other female viewers replied that “she had it coming”….and since then Kate has admitted that she lost her temper with him quite a bit.
W8 Jon and Kate plus 8 is a show on TLC that follows a couple that have 8 children (set of twins 9yrs. old and a set of sextulplets that just turned 5 yrs old.)
-W8©
May 27th, 2009
3:01 pm
@DJ- damn 8 kids and they are both out doing dirt? It’s a reality show?
The Truth-Developing a camel hump
May 27th, 2009
3:01 pm
Kimmie, for the last dam time, men dont fear marriage or commitment, it just doesnt have enough in the deal to make it worth it.
Ared, if they dont exist in blogsville they dont exist. Do you know any guys that want to get married? If so why not hook up with them? Really.
THE INFAMOUS DK
May 27th, 2009
3:03 pm
Yes Amazon Yes I am..
Poppa Grande
May 27th, 2009
3:05 pm
As far as Jon and Kate goes, I see both sides of the show thing.
I understand not wanting the show around to film everything.
However, I don’t know what is his profession, but I heard that she was a nurse. Feeding 8 kids on a nurses salary is a stretch. Especially when most of them are the same age. That eliminates some of the hand me down stuff. In the future they will all be in college together. So, the show is a major source of income.
He should have spoken up when when chose not to adopt as previously planned. (according the story that I saw this morning, there was a pregnant teenager that we gonna adopt from). She took fertility pills and this was the result. He gave in and I think that may be the root of his resentment.
Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)
May 27th, 2009
3:05 pm
AmRed just for fun I googled the word demasculate and even though the results came back and asked “Did you mean emasculate?” apparently it does exist…..who’d have “thunk it”
-W8©
May 27th, 2009
3:06 pm
I’ve been through a divorce, I want to get married again. I learned more about what marriage is supposed to be after my divorce though. I am giving it until 1/2/2011..
AmazonRed™
May 27th, 2009
3:06 pm
Do you know any guys that want to get married? If so why not hook up with them? Really.
Sure do. No need to hook up with em, many of them are hooked up and engaged already.
Or they are too short for me.
Leggs
May 27th, 2009
3:07 pm
@W-8, don’t roll your eyes…it makes you look like a punk (LOL)!
@Dan, I can understand EHarmony or online dating. Picking a mate out of 20 others kissing, sexing and feeling up on you while cameras are rolling and the network paying for the beautiful dates only to be shell shocked when you plant your feet back in reality wondering “why didn’t we work” is a whole different baliwick.
@PoppaG, I agree with. I too don’t understand why married couples would want to air their dirty laundry on tv and truly think the marriage will survive. Don’t know what the heck Bobby and Whitney was thinking (yeah I know $$$) doing a realtity show. That was pure d stupidness in its best form!