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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Relationship A la Carte

Good Morning everyone! Today’s post is courtesy of our fabulous Raqi. If you are new to the MIA blog, Raqi is a married woman with a bambino on the way. Whenever she comments on relationships I perk up and take notes. She always provides insight about love and marriage without sugar coating things! Her topic today may strike a nerve for some of you but please read what she says carefully then weigh in with your comments!

In my early adult years I would hear of male-female relationships labeled with different terms. Traditional, Modern and Open. Those were considered the relationship combos as far as I am concerned. Today those terms still exist today but to some not in the same context. We have managed to construct relationships in a way that gives the benefit of one term sans the return responsibility.

The relationship a la carte. I, as most of you have read, am a traditionalist in the largest sense. I believe and practice the gender roles in my relationship. But that’s just me. What works for me does not necessarily work for others. That’s cool and that’s life. However, where I see the imbalance in some is with the picking and choosing of the relationship sectors. I find that many women want the benefits of having a traditional mate, yet they themselves do not care to take on the roles of the traditional woman.. There are men that desire the modernistic woman on one hand however he wants her to regard him as the head on the other.

It is all fair? Can we have it both ways? Can you enjoy the freedom of the open relationship and still get the devotion that comes with being monogamous?

I think not. But again that is just me. I read the other day where someone declared being a modern woman yet still wanted the protection of the days of old man.

Relationships are give and take. But can one give modern and expect traditional in return. Do you think we can pick and choose what part of the relationships we want to practice and it all work out in the end?

And not just that, how many of you buy into the together but separate ways of doing. Can a couple really be together yet live separate? Can you choose what part of the relationship you want to live as a couple and what parts you don’t?

540 comments Add your comment

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
1:50 pm

Is someone up in this piece calling me a liar?

:lol: I know, right? :lol:

abc

May 27th, 2009
1:50 pm

No, she stays at home because she wants to and can. She volunteers at a few places. If she wants a job she can take one; if not, then fine.

Kym

May 27th, 2009
1:51 pm

@Truth Youuuu!!!! I ought go whoop upside your apple head!! You just check your email you!

DJ Sniper

May 27th, 2009
1:53 pm

Truth, I can’t say I blame you for not wanting the stay at home wife. I’ve known a couple of dudes who had to pay thru the nose when they got divorced from their SAH wives. Not a pretty sight at all.

Melo

May 27th, 2009
1:54 pm

I hate fugging muslims. What a group of useless puddies

thanx for that co-sign on BK but Truth plz,spare us the muslimn talk.We dont want a fatwa on here.Lets keep the Ayatollahs off this bish.

-W8©

May 27th, 2009
1:55 pm

@Kimmie- Thanks Dawg, I’ve found it best in life just to be me.

@Ce- Whaattt? Im trying to be humble and stuff…its not working huh..lol..

Lioness- Going to the Pool after housekeeping leaves

May 27th, 2009
1:55 pm

I think a lot of the women on here seem to walk on eggshells trying not to hurt the men’s wittle feelings<– LOL!

I actually think it goes both ways.. Why walk on eggshells for people you don’t know??

Keeping it 100 is good for your health!

SexyLeggs

May 27th, 2009
1:57 pm

:lol: @.02. Well, when you put it like that, Yes. That was funny!

Lioness- Going to the Pool after housekeeping leaves

May 27th, 2009
1:57 pm

Melo- You are HILARIOUS!

Cee- Hey you Sweetness :)

-W8©

May 27th, 2009
1:57 pm

..till death do us part..oh yeah if the another divorce happens…someone is dying..smart money says it wont be me…..”Here baby sign this insurance policy”

Cemeeli

May 27th, 2009
1:59 pm

have an agaenda and will say whatever they need to to feel popular or to preserve blog friendships. Its almost like high school sometimes.

Okay i see your point. But just because some have become blog friends doesn’t mean they are not being real. I’m not arguing the high school mentality up in here AT ALL. But i think you’ve taken the “being real” and rolled it up into “may friends are watching so i need potray the image” for friends sake and confused the two.

again i’m not trippin’ about what you said

Dan

May 27th, 2009
1:59 pm

I will cosign DK last statement.

But uh, walking on eggshells, I would hope that wasn’t the case.

Jamoca

May 27th, 2009
1:59 pm

Good Afternoon…you all,

These are some really interesting comments! Love em! So is it to be understood….that there are quite a few of “us womenfolk” who’d rather work hard for our titles at work for “the man”, before even considering (if provided the opportunity) of working hard (WITH/FOR) our “husbands” ? LOL!!! But
N/R …just a brain tickler I’m pondering that one myself…although some know my take on it. Okay…just being open minded…I’d say I’m flexible to consider it, as long as I can without a doubt, hands down, TRUST him as a man as well as his intentions and/or expectations. To be honest, it all boils down to that for me. If he’s got that from me, he got the keys to the kingdom. Now obviously we’re not talking about a dictatorship here, that’s a given. All I’m saying, is I would be less likely to question him and his motives, requests, expectations and so on….as long as there is a solid trust between us. Trust and respect goes hand in hand for me….as well as actions. Show and prove.

DK- really liked that 10:22…. and gon’ head Leggs…I can hear you all the way over hear with that NY accent…”it’s me n’ you, baby…me n’ you!…LOL But really…it’s about time we witness someone …or two people actually getting together on here. It’s refreshing…heyal, in some cases, you just can’t hold it against someone based on the “place” (in this case, ‘the forum”) of where the two of you met.

Bonafide Brutha who told em’ to W8 – Now what did I tell you about being on point?! Mannn, let me stop! Keep it comin’ man! …and you’re killin’ me with that 11:39! LOL

Tatas – Hey chica!…loved your food analogies earlier!…and hey??? Did DK just make a donation payable to WAKW?! Man, it’s hard out here! and did he just say Whole Azz = No Azz….translation: half azzes need not apply LOL …and you’re killing me with the run tell dat! Lmao

Raqi, this is really good topic, mami!…but really, Wise didn’t have to even mention, that you had your hand in this…I already spotted your banner across wall…lol

Cee – Did you just “Deebo” W8’s chucks from off his feet??? AND tell em’…”he ain’t Nu-Nu”…no more! lol

SexyLeggs

May 27th, 2009
1:59 pm

That post was meant for you mytwotatas!

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
1:59 pm

Lawd, divorce did a real number on some of y’all…

kimmie

May 27th, 2009
1:59 pm

Lioness – Wish I could go to the pool! Why walk on eggshells for people you don’t know?? —> Because I’m at work & also don’t want to be banned by the ajc, LOL!! But I agree!!

Naw Melo, you really couldn’t handle what I’d say to your butt if unleashed!! But it’s all good, don’t want to get in a cussin match with my buddy The Melo!!!

English Girl

May 27th, 2009
2:03 pm

On Topic…I think a marriage can be traditional but in the context of a modern world. I am out working just as hard as my husband, so he cannot expect me to pay the same amount of attention to housework, cooking, cleaning and laundry that a stay at home wife would provide. Plus he knows staying at home would drive me crazy, I like to be out working.

However he is the head of our household, I do cook for him at least three to four days a week. I do the laundry, clean the house and understand that I must uphold my wifey duities in the bedroom…lol

In return because he knows I do work hard, he helps with the housework, takes care of the yard, takes out trash and makes sure I have a a rest day or two per week because I am cooking cleaning ect…as well as working a 40-45 hour work week.

As for an ‘open’ marraige I don’t know about that, but if it works for some…so be it. I’ve only been married 7 years don ‘t know what we may do 25 years from now. Most open marriages I’ve witnessed were ’swinging’ couple who had been married 15 plus years and were looking for something to ’spice up’ their relationship.

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 27th, 2009
2:04 pm

TRUTH…dayyum son…tell us how you really feel. What is going on over there? I get it…the ban on alcohol is finally getting to you. :lol:

MY2TATAS…you can have her back when she turns one…Raqi won’t mind! She will have plenty of pictures of the princess dressed in various outfits! Hey I usually play dress up and take my own pictures. So when I got a neice…I did the same to her! There are pictures of my straight up posing with my Auntie’s beret and big shades on and I was only 6 months. She said I have always loved the camera and would perk up every time I saw one. I went into auto-pose. I still do it….even if I am in the back ground of somebody else’s picture. Hey I do not want to be the goofball in the back. :lol:

SexyLeggs

May 27th, 2009
2:05 pm

“If she wants a job she can take one; if not, then fine.” Dear abc, do you really believe that. You just stated it would change the dynamics of the marriage in an unpleasant manner. So, in essence you’re not fine with her if she desires to take on a job. That’s talking out of both sides of your neck, don’tcha think???? Oh, wait, I re-read it and you’re fine with the “if not”. (LOL). Just messing with you!

Lioness- Going to the Pool after housekeeping leaves

May 27th, 2009
2:06 pm

Ared- Ya think? Goodness gracious! That is why I don’t play with marriage because I MOST DEFINITELY feel the way W8 feels.. It will be on & popping NY style :)

Kimmie- lol ;)

-W8©

May 27th, 2009
2:06 pm

@Jamoca- How ya doing :)

@ARed- I aint gonna like i got divorced in ‘02 and it was a doozy..so for my next one I will have a pre-nup that states I have the right to make her disappear without fear of prosecution if we decide to split”..nothing wrong with the right? LOL I’m kidding I wouldnt get married again thinking it may not work..if I have those thoughts I need to keep it moving until I dont

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 27th, 2009
2:07 pm

If any of you all are part time travel agents contact Lebron James. His azz is about to start a long and depressing summer break.

Yeah he probably last night once he was all alone he probably cried a little……on the other hand Dwight Howard and those bowling ball shoulders are the sheeiiiit!!

Nah,i doubt it Kimmie! Actually,its the other way round.
Lets start some ish then,if u diasgree.

Melo do you REALLY wanna do that?…….

Melo

May 27th, 2009
2:09 pm

Naw Melo, you really couldn’t handle what I’d say to your butt if unleashed!!

nah,its the other way round.U too young and inexperienced at this!
I only hurt at what i know to be true about me currently.And trust me,ive lived most experiences,good and bad.More T shirts here than Rand-T and u combined.
Have u had one real bad bust up with ur karate kid yet Kimmie and then phucked him real hard and nice, soon after???
When u say yes,then maybe u and i can go head to head.

mytw♥tatas

May 27th, 2009
2:09 pm

I’m so not a fan of the spam filter who ate my 1st afternoon post.

If it doesn’t reappear, I was officially buying what the VILlAINOUS one was selling. As long as hee takes coupons…

W8 You are not vision challenged hahaaaaaa Lollipop Lane residents are just Krazzy And reserve the right to be whateva for whoeva, wheneva the mood strikes.

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
2:12 pm

so for my next one I will have a pre-nup that states I have the right to make her disappear without fear of prosecution if we decide to split”..nothing wrong with the right? LOL

W8 – :lol:

You know, I used to think that dating a divorced man at 38 was better than dating a never married man at 38 (I tend to date guys in their late 30s). I thought the divorcees had a more realistic view on marriage after getting divorced.

But now…I’m thinking I’ll stick with the never marries. I love myself to much to end up chopped up in a freezer somewhere! :lol:

Melo

May 27th, 2009
2:13 pm

Melo do you REALLY wanna do that?…….

Sassy,u know me i can take ish.How many mandingos have u seen in this bish,u think its by coincidence?? My tough zulu leather skin is genuine leather,not the flea market fake ish. :lol:

kimmie

May 27th, 2009
2:14 pm

When I say walk on eggshells, I’m saying I really don’t see the manbashing as much as I see the womanbashing, especially AA womenbashing.

Everyday we “chicks” are reminded constantly of what we’re “doing wrong” or what we need to take notes on. Most of us come on sharing our experiences with men, not bashing all the time. I remember when I first came on, I shared some trials I’ve had with different dudes. I’ve also admitted my part in the problems, but still offered my experience. The guys on here would jump all over me, taking up for the dude. There were times I would have given yall his number, but I thought yall didn’t roll that way!LOL!! If there was no real way you could take up for dude, then you’d fall back on the “choose better” thang. Well guess what – I did. And some of you guys need to chose better too! Maybe you wouldn’t be so bitter. But I am digressing.

Just like a woman can’t tell a man how to be a man, a man can’t tell a woman how to be a woman.

THE INFAMOUS DK

May 27th, 2009
2:14 pm

You know people speak of friendships/cliques and such, but have you ever realized its your girlfriends that are keeping you single. You know your Girl Power group will keep you single and with a house full of cats at 60. As soon as you stop listening to other broads and listen to your inner voice your relationships will begin to blossom..

Melo

May 27th, 2009
2:15 pm

Jamoca,i cosign everything u have to say,including the rest of this week’s posts.I prepaid 4 them! :Lol:

-W8©

May 27th, 2009
2:17 pm

@My.02(my buddy my pal my ace)- I thought it was just me

@Ared- thats just a little bit of motivation to make it work..lol

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
2:18 pm

You know people speak of friendships/cliques and such, but have you ever realized its your girlfriends that are keeping you single. You know your Girl Power group will keep you single and with a house full of cats at 60. As soon as you stop listening to other broads and listen to your inner voice your relationships will begin to blossom..

Well, then I certainly wouldn’t blame someone’s girlfriends if a woman can’t listen to anyone but her friends. It’s not her girlfriends fault she’s easily influenced, it’s hers.

kimmie

May 27th, 2009
2:18 pm

.U too young and inexperienced at this!

That’s why I love you Melo!!

Lioness- Going to the Pool after housekeeping leaves

May 27th, 2009
2:19 pm

DK- WOW.. Some women have bitter friends.. Luckily, I have good friends that are all about happiness :)

Leggs

May 27th, 2009
2:19 pm

Dang, DK, I haven’t even met you yet, and I already disagree with you. I don’t listen to girlfriends cuz I don’t share my business with any. Haven’t in the past 5 years because I know how some people like to sabatoge things on the DL….some girl power groups are not the reason for being single. Not many sit around like Whitney, Angela Bassett, etc did in Waiting to Exhale bashing men and getting drunk!

The Truth-Developing a camel hump

May 27th, 2009
2:20 pm

Relationships are fine and beautiful but once you bring the law and the church into it you alter the original puprose of the union. Like DK said, marriage is useless. Even alot of chicks that have spent their whole lives dreaming of marriage do it then swear thats the last time.

All of my past, current or future wives are forbidden from reading the above post.

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
2:20 pm

@Ared- thats just a little bit of motivation to make it work..lol

W8 – I will spare you my thoughts on this because it always starts a showdown with folks who are divorced.

But I will say, the motivation shouldn’t lie there in threats. ;)

SexyCool

May 27th, 2009
2:21 pm

Dan – Mail call.

-W8©

May 27th, 2009
2:22 pm

@Kimmie- should have a winter baby so the bay can enjoy the summer

kimmie

May 27th, 2009
2:23 pm

No girlfriend ever kept me single. I only date men!!

Just kidding, I know what you mean, but most of the ladies on here are sharp enough, with minds of their own, to have figured that one out by now. At least I hope. I don’t have friends all up in my business. Haven’t since high school, and really didn’t then!

Kym

May 27th, 2009
2:23 pm

Well DK as my cousins have taught me you want to know men..you ask a man you want to know women you ask women. I share with my sisterfriends..but since I am a bit of a damn rebel.. I pretty much do what I want anyway.

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
2:23 pm

I don’t listen to girlfriends cuz I don’t share my business with any. Haven’t in the past 5 years because I know how some people like to sabatoge things on the DL

Leggs – But how can folks sabotage things by their opinions?

I have a very opinionated group of girlfriends that I share openly with. Anytime they fix their mouths to give “advice” I remind them that I’m going to do what the heck I want to anyway. :lol:

Professor

May 27th, 2009
2:23 pm

I am trying to catch up with the post since I have been gone for a few hours…

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 27th, 2009
2:24 pm

Melo at least you got the leather part right :lol: What makes you think you’re the ONLY one? Truth be told I rather enjoy reading Truth’s posts(no pun intended)….he trims off the fat and gives you the meat…no double talk or stupid inuendos. As a matter of fact East point and W8 breathe fresh air from the male perspective and it’s quite refreshing. Nothing against u personally.

If a war unnu want, make it start nuh,man

Lioness- Going to the Pool after housekeeping leaves

May 27th, 2009
2:24 pm

Kimmie is going to have a baby? Congrats!

-W8©

May 27th, 2009
2:27 pm

um my last comment @Kimmie that uh wasnt for you..I got a little confused there for a sec..or maybe im just being random to loosen things up in here a bit..hmmmmmmmm

Dan

May 27th, 2009
2:27 pm

@Kimmie

I will say that I try to speak on the women that I know in life. And there are few things that I’ve “said” here that I haven’t said in real life.

That stated, I listen to some of the ladies on the blog that I respect. I may not like all of what is “said”, but I listen. Because I don’t know what it takes to be a woman, nor do I care to.

But when you ladies drop some dimes, I see it. Maybe I (just speaking for the D) oughtta do better at acknowledging that.

@Truth and DK

I have married friends that are right now debating that very issue with me and out single homeboys.

Marriage, for some, is a paneaca until after the wedding and life begins.

Melo

May 27th, 2009
2:27 pm

Truth be told I rather enjoy reading Truth’s posts(no pun intended)….

not mad at chaa.
I got my prefs too.U digg??

Lioness- Going to the Pool

May 27th, 2009
2:27 pm

I would like to have a summer baby

-W8©

May 27th, 2009
2:28 pm

@lioness you would be the first one to catch that..lmao…

Leggs

May 27th, 2009
2:28 pm

ARed, you know how. No, let me retract. Let me go back to see who said something. Awww shyt, you said it —->It’s not her girlfriends fault she’s easily influenced, it’s hers. I have to agree with this! Carry on…..