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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Relationship A la Carte

Good Morning everyone! Today’s post is courtesy of our fabulous Raqi. If you are new to the MIA blog, Raqi is a married woman with a bambino on the way. Whenever she comments on relationships I perk up and take notes. She always provides insight about love and marriage without sugar coating things! Her topic today may strike a nerve for some of you but please read what she says carefully then weigh in with your comments!

In my early adult years I would hear of male-female relationships labeled with different terms. Traditional, Modern and Open. Those were considered the relationship combos as far as I am concerned. Today those terms still exist today but to some not in the same context. We have managed to construct relationships in a way that gives the benefit of one term sans the return responsibility.

The relationship a la carte. I, as most of you have read, am a traditionalist in the largest sense. I believe and practice the gender roles in my relationship. But that’s just me. What works for me does not necessarily work for others. That’s cool and that’s life. However, where I see the imbalance in some is with the picking and choosing of the relationship sectors. I find that many women want the benefits of having a traditional mate, yet they themselves do not care to take on the roles of the traditional woman.. There are men that desire the modernistic woman on one hand however he wants her to regard him as the head on the other.

It is all fair? Can we have it both ways? Can you enjoy the freedom of the open relationship and still get the devotion that comes with being monogamous?

I think not. But again that is just me. I read the other day where someone declared being a modern woman yet still wanted the protection of the days of old man.

Relationships are give and take. But can one give modern and expect traditional in return. Do you think we can pick and choose what part of the relationships we want to practice and it all work out in the end?

And not just that, how many of you buy into the together but separate ways of doing. Can a couple really be together yet live separate? Can you choose what part of the relationship you want to live as a couple and what parts you don’t?

540 comments Add your comment

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
1:01 pm

Ugh…the part after part two got deleted. Guess it was too long. So here is part 3 hopefully followed by part 4! :lol:

Hubby and I both believe it’s because when he gets home…he can lay it all down. He’s spoiled dang rotten and I like it that way. He doesn’t have to do a DANG.THING. that he doesn’t WANT to do. He reads, watches MSNBC, watches a game, a movie, talk to me…any and everything he wants to do. I pay CLOSE attention to him. If he looks tired we go to bed earlier. If he looks like he’s getting sick…EVERYTHING SHUTS DOWN AT the house until he’s 100%.

He gets a hot, healthy breakfast every morning, he gets a delicious and nutritious lunch to take with him if he doesn’t have a lunch meeting on his schedule for that day. When he comes home…yall know how I do. It’s all about him. Why? Cuz he deserves it. He’s been at work all day and he’s the kinda guy that works HARD. His work ethic is PHENOMENAL!

Mo (aka Moeisha- waiting on the weekend already)

May 27th, 2009
1:04 pm

Hello all! I wont try to catch up, I’ll just pick up right here.

I couldnt dream of being a stay-at-home mom unless I had a tribe of kids. I stayed out 3months w Lil Mo and that was enough for me! I give kudos to SAH moms though, its just not something I am for.

-W8©

May 27th, 2009
1:04 pm

Where’s Demi?

Leggs

May 27th, 2009
1:05 pm

@DK, let me introduce myself to you. My name is S…….. better known as Leggs. I see we want exactly the same thing in a relationship. Now, let’s see what we can offer each other. :wink:

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
1:05 pm

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 27th, 2009
1:06 pm

That’s what I’m trying to say to these “Please don’t emasculate me” whiners!

Kimmie Okaay?…that’s reminiscent of that “let a man be a man” ish that flooded the blog last week…how do you let a man be a man….either he is or he ain’t…plain and simple.

TRUTH WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUU!

-W8©

May 27th, 2009
1:07 pm

Ok I’m officially lost now.

Leggs

May 27th, 2009
1:08 pm

-W8©

May 27th, 2009
1:09 pm

So I really really really like Asian Sesame Ginger Salad Dressing

-W8©

May 27th, 2009
1:10 pm

@Leggs- I dont know why..I think i have been demasculated and it feels weird..lol

Melo

May 27th, 2009
1:10 pm

Amazon,whos that lady,ur friend,acquaintance???

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 27th, 2009
1:10 pm

RAQI….for the first year…I will babysit for free! I love babies. Its the toddlers and lil’ kids that drive me nuts! :lol:

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
1:15 pm

Part 4??? :lol:

And Imma take partial credit for this because I remove all stressors from his life when he walks through that door.

See…Hubby has the luxury of REALLY being fresh every single day. He’s happy and healthy and his mind isn’t muddled with crazy crap that he can’t focus on in conjunction with focusing on work. He’s able to make clear and concise decisions and put steps in place for the big picture.

Hey…half that salary should be on a check with my name on it.

Our life works for us. Will it always be this way? Probably not. Hopefully not. Hopefully I’ll be making movies one day but I will still make sure he is supported the way he DESERVES to be supported. As he states jokingly…you’re a GREAT personal assistant honey! LOL! NO ISH P.UNK!

THE INFAMOUS DK

May 27th, 2009
1:17 pm

Kimmie – Have you read the majority of comments made about Dudes? I would love to have a balanced comversation about men and women but it will never happen because people wont even be honest on a blog.

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
1:18 pm

melo – just a blog I read from time to time.

Leggs

May 27th, 2009
1:20 pm

@W-8, I see you got jokes, son!

THE INFAMOUS DK

May 27th, 2009
1:21 pm

Hey Leggs I’m DK

NY2GA, Inc

May 27th, 2009
1:21 pm

@SEXYCOOL

I here ya. I just have to trust the master plan, whatever that is for me. In the meantime, I gotta keep living my life in full. The right person at the right time will come though it is difficult to not get jaded sometimes. I just vented on here last week!

You know, Gerald Levert had a song that said “I’m looking for a real love. An everlasting love. So, I’m sending out an application across the nation. Hurry up and sign-up right here.” He might have been onto something. Maybe we need to come up with a Love Application. LOL!

:)

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
1:24 pm

DK – What do you think folks aren’t being honest about. Why are folks so quick to say this about people on an anonymous blog?

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
1:26 pm

Part 5

Me? I’m well rested. I’m well read. I’m not a ra.ging witch with a b cuz I’ve had to deal with azzes all day at the office and come home still mad with the attitude…hell…I work too sh.it. WhatCHU gonna fix for dinner??????? Why in the hell you always looking at me to cook?

Humph.

So…a stay at home wife I am right now. Sure…I’m probably considered lazy because of my housekeeper. Sure…I’m probably bad, bad, bad. All things terrible via the feminist regime.

But my husband likes it and he loves his life.

Do I love my life?

What do YOU think? LOL!

Don’t knock being a stay at home partner. Bored I NEVER am. And I hope I’ve proven that a person with the type of support at home that my husband has can and WILL do BIG, BIG things. Hell…before you know it…the money will catch up without a hiccup if done RIGHT.

Now…let me get my lazy butt up and start my morning.

Beautiful

May 27th, 2009
1:26 pm

like KYM i had the option to stay at home/was begged to stay at home to assist with managing/keeping his cheating under control. lol. well, that’s how i looked at it. why would a man ask you to stay at home after he was caught being bad?

i couldn’t do it. we weren’t married and my career is something that he couldn’t take away after our union fell apart.

have a good day y’all!

Kym

May 27th, 2009
1:27 pm

Maybe that should be a topic one day..”Drop your mask at the blog door, today only reveal yourself.”

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
1:30 pm

i had the option to stay at home/was begged to stay at home to assist with managing/keeping his cheating under control. lol

:???:

Cemeeli

May 27th, 2009
1:30 pm

Ceemeli, u havnt asked me what i drive!

Melo – What do you drive?

they want a man that can provide them security (especially financially), and it you can’t do that, you’re not going to be a man. You’ll be some chick’s beeyotch.

abc – NAW! you’ve said the “some chick’s “beeyotch”?…as if!! I go out for lunch and come back and Lawddy…lawdy.

SexyCool

May 27th, 2009
1:30 pm

ARed – girl, you shoulda just posted the link…

Leggs

May 27th, 2009
1:32 pm

Ok, that’s a start. Nice to meet you. If interested, please email me so we can discuss things off this nosey arse blog. :lol: I think you already have my addy!

Cemeeli

May 27th, 2009
1:32 pm

I think regular commentors do post under bogus names in this blog to tell their stories.

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
1:33 pm

SexyCool – Didn’t have one. That post was emailed to me. Anywhoo, I’m done now. :lol:

THE INFAMOUS DK

May 27th, 2009
1:33 pm

Kimme/Amazon – The only person I do listen to on here when it comes to relationships is Raqi because at least she is objective. She has been thru the rain to find her sunshine so she has learnt some thangs. She doesnt profess to be perfect, nor is her man.

I dont come on here to be negative towrds women because I love ya’ll with a passion. I love the way ya’ll smell, feel, walk, the sweet whispers that comes with a soft touch and that coy look across the room that says come get me.. I just want ya’ll to hear us to because most of the time we dont talk we just let ya’ll assume. Honestly outside the blog I would never let a woman know this much of me because it shows I have chinks in my armor and I cant have that of course.

SexyCool

May 27th, 2009
1:34 pm

NY2GA – The Love Application – let’s get it together, copyright it and sell it as the next big self help relationship guide.

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
1:36 pm

She doesnt profess to be perfect, nor is her man.

DK – If you think everyone else is fronting but her, that’s really on you. No one here professes to be perfect and some of us have simply avoided certain pitfalls in life. No need to front like we haven’t.

I guess the typical parting comment is “do you.” *shrugs*

Beautiful

May 27th, 2009
1:37 pm

**I think regular commentors do post under bogus names in this blog to tell their stories**

please tell me that you didn’t just realize this!

ok, gone for real now. lol.

-W8©

May 27th, 2009
1:37 pm

@Kym/Ce- The contradictions here a very comical..and you know what I mean

Melo

May 27th, 2009
1:38 pm

Melo – What do you drive?

During the week or on weekends Cee??
Week days,its my 16 wheeler tractor trailer(popopoooh,peepeeeh!).
On weekends,its my customized ,top drop Chinese model CadiRaqqi. :lol: :grin:

Cemeeli

May 27th, 2009
1:38 pm

Infamous – So your saying no other blogger is being real mostly?

Just askin’ i’m not being cute.I feel you ’bout Mrs. Raqi.

mytw♥tatas

May 27th, 2009
1:38 pm

STACEYE GO SIDINE! You will not cut me out of the $112 I planned to make babysitting her the first 18 years. RAQI & I have a virtual verbal agreement. It’s that new shii…

Did I just witness the return of SEXXYLeggs? Uhohhhhhhhhhhhhhh Lemme know so I can go Runtelldat!

Lioness- Going to the Pool & Setting my out of office reply

May 27th, 2009
1:39 pm

Ared- Angie is a NUT!! Goodness gracious!

THE INFAMOUS DK

May 27th, 2009
1:39 pm

Amazon – Because some people actually use the site, have an agaenda and will say whatever they need to to feel popular or to preserve blog friendships. Its almost like high school sometimes.

Kym

May 27th, 2009
1:42 pm

Is someone up in this piece calling me a liar?

-W8©

May 27th, 2009
1:44 pm

Ok, I think I am to new for this convo…

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
1:44 pm

Amazon – Because some people actually use the site, have an agaenda and will say whatever they need to to feel popular or to preserve blog friendships. Its almost like high school sometimes.

That’s life tho. I wouldn’t waste my time complaining about something that isn’t going to change. There are plenty of genuine folks on here. Focus on that. *shrugs*

I would never change my screen name just to post on here. It’s really not that serious. If I don’t feel comfortable discussing something, I simply don’t.

But I’m just simple like that anyway. :lol:

Tazzee - it's my birthday week!

May 27th, 2009
1:45 pm

Went to get my car inspected at lunch – got the Subway $3.99 special, now that’s a deal!

-W8©

May 27th, 2009
1:46 pm

@Kym- I dont think anyone called you a liar

kimmie

May 27th, 2009
1:46 pm

I don’t think it’s about folks not being honest. It would just be nice to have a discussion without all the name-calling and bitterness.

Personally, I think a lot of the women on here seem to walk on eggshells trying not to hurt the men’s wittle feelings. If that’s holding back honesty, then I agree. If some could let it rip in here without monitoring, some of yall could not handle it. Dang, you can’t handle the little stuff on here now. In my opinion.

W8 – Dawg, you know I luvs you! You are one of the few that handle yours and make no apologies. You had some hard knocks, you don’t come in here bashing your daughter’s mama and you dealt with things. You don’t come in dogging all women & bitter. That does not make for a refreshing, informative discussion. For that you have my respect.

Melo

May 27th, 2009
1:47 pm

the only person I do listen to on here when it comes to relationships is Raqi

Shes the only regular, female blogger on here thats married so that makes sense DK.
I think the other(some) single ladies get some notes from her too.And shes a traditionalist,i think.

The Truth-Developing a camel hump

May 27th, 2009
1:47 pm

Good evening everyone.

Dk, dam bruh, your posts are on point. I co-sign all of em even though I skipped a few pages.

On topic: Just like a chick has a vision of what a man should be I have a vision of what a woman should be. Most would consider that to be a traditional role. I expect a woman to make sure I’m fed and taken care of in ways that women have in my life. Thats what I’m confortable with and what I’ll have.

I’d never have a chick stop working because then I’d have to pay alimony as well as child support if things dont work out, a high likelyhood in these times. I dont want tot pay for azz i cant get and at that point a woman is just another bill. Give it all you have but always check your exit strategy too. I know alot of cats dropping loot to cover some old mates living expenses while she’s out giving azz away like its 1999.

Kuwait Chronicles: I hate fugging muslims. What a group of useless puddies.

If any of you all are part time travel agents contact Lebron James. His azz is about to start a long and depressing summer break. LOL

AmazonRed™

May 27th, 2009
1:49 pm

I’d never have a chick stop working because then I’d have to pay alimony as well as child support if things dont work out

:lol: :roll: :lol:

Lioness- Going to the Pool after housekeeping leaves

May 27th, 2009
1:49 pm

Melo

May 27th, 2009
1:49 pm

I think a lot of the women on here seem to walk on eggshells trying not to hurt the men’s wittle feelings

Nah,i doubt it Kimmie! Actually,its the other way round.
Lets start some ish then,if u diasgree. :lol:
Oh maybe its too late for that.
Tmrow at 8.30 am GO………. :arrow: !!

Cemeeli

May 27th, 2009
1:50 pm

@ W8 – That would not be YOU the new person. You’ve been grandfathered in…stop playin’.

Noooow he wanna run.