Relationship A la Carte
Good Morning everyone! Today’s post is courtesy of our fabulous Raqi. If you are new to the MIA blog, Raqi is a married woman with a bambino on the way. Whenever she comments on relationships I perk up and take notes. She always provides insight about love and marriage without sugar coating things! Her topic today may strike a nerve for some of you but please read what she says carefully then weigh in with your comments!
In my early adult years I would hear of male-female relationships labeled with different terms. Traditional, Modern and Open. Those were considered the relationship combos as far as I am concerned. Today those terms still exist today but to some not in the same context. We have managed to construct relationships in a way that gives the benefit of one term sans the return responsibility.
The relationship a la carte. I, as most of you have read, am a traditionalist in the largest sense. I believe and practice the gender roles in my relationship. But that’s just me. What works for me does not necessarily work for others. That’s cool and that’s life. However, where I see the imbalance in some is with the picking and choosing of the relationship sectors. I find that many women want the benefits of having a traditional mate, yet they themselves do not care to take on the roles of the traditional woman.. There are men that desire the modernistic woman on one hand however he wants her to regard him as the head on the other.
It is all fair? Can we have it both ways? Can you enjoy the freedom of the open relationship and still get the devotion that comes with being monogamous?
I think not. But again that is just me. I read the other day where someone declared being a modern woman yet still wanted the protection of the days of old man.
Relationships are give and take. But can one give modern and expect traditional in return. Do you think we can pick and choose what part of the relationships we want to practice and it all work out in the end?
And not just that, how many of you buy into the together but separate ways of doing. Can a couple really be together yet live separate? Can you choose what part of the relationship you want to live as a couple and what parts you don’t?
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
540 comments Add your comment
Leggs
May 27th, 2009
12:00 pm
@Kimmie, you don’t need Truth. You just broke it down. It really is that simple. You just step into being the CEO and head of the household. As Truth stated on more than one occasion, if you have the right tools, no problem being a man!
Cemeeli
May 27th, 2009
12:00 pm
@ W8 @ 11.39 – You know that some gansta stuff, right?
This Day in History: 1969 Walt Disney World construction begins.
Professor – Camero, TransAm, Vettes???…Cee has her eyes on you…that’s cool typa ride-out.
abc
May 27th, 2009
12:01 pm
Hey, Cee!
W8, thing is, there’s no such thing as a chick that will submit to man if she makes more money than he does. He’ll always be the lesser party. Very, very, extremely rare exceptions, of course, there are exceptions to everything, but a woman doesn’t want a man that she can out-earn. Inability to earn a superior amount doesn’t denote leadership, and it doesn’t impart security. Security is what women want above all else.
Melo
May 27th, 2009
12:02 pm
but all of these marriages are several years old and don’t involve children
Thats really interesting anonymousella
And they’re married for real,not just shakers?? 
But not having children is proly also an attraction/facilitator for doing such….anything goes!
I find it weird that man can live like dogs like that…i mean dog biaacthes get phucked by other male dogs while the family male dog is around and all he(male dog) gets to do is lick the wet female biaatch’s semen plastered puddsy.
Cemeeli
May 27th, 2009
12:02 pm
Weeeee’re off to see the Wizard…the Wonderful Wiz of Oz….
Ina minute folks
Beautiful
May 27th, 2009
12:02 pm
@DB
umm, i like labels and need to know where i am in said relationship. if i’m your homie then stop asking for the booty.
see where things can get confusing?
THE INFAMOUS DK
May 27th, 2009
12:03 pm
Ya’ll know I dont have problems with women. Ya’ll know I’m in the its 20 to 1 in Atlanta mindset. Ya’ll must need The Filthy Villanous DK to remind ya’ll and start saying the uncut truth most of ya’ll cant handle. I’m being polite.
Unlike alot of these dudes I aint afraid of you leaving me or me leaving you.. Its the nature of the beast. I understand living with regrets and that life goes on. I’m also a stand up Dude first and foremost so a woman could never demasculate me.. Or turn me into a B!tch, put me in a skirt or henpeck me for those who dont understand my slanguage..
Melo
May 27th, 2009
12:03 pm
Ceemeli, u havnt asked me what i drive!
-W8©(man meal for lunch..just steak..nothing else)
May 27th, 2009
12:06 pm
@abc- If a man is a real man and a woman knows who she is….who makes the most is not an issue(pride will get ya everytime)
@Ce/Sassy- That’s just how we roll in my family..lol
Sybil
May 27th, 2009
12:08 pm
@-W8’s 1139a – I think I just fell in love a little bit.
SexyCool
May 27th, 2009
12:09 pm
Beautiful – I’m pretty certain DB was talking about the LABELING of a relationship TYPE not the titles within a relationship.
Lioness- Still on East Coast Time
May 27th, 2009
12:10 pm
NY2GA- Sometimes it is the woman.. Not saying that this is the case with SexyCool.. I knew this girl that couldn’t get or keep a man for nothing.. She was sweet,cute etc.. I introduced her to a couple of my guy friends and each of them said to me that she was a freak. I was like HUH? How do you figure that? Each of them said that it was just her.. They knew.. Each of them was right. She is a freak.. LOL!
Sometimes it has something to do with the individual that makes them attract the same type of person over & over again..
kimmie
May 27th, 2009
12:12 pm
I love it when a man(that knows what he’s doing) TAKES charge There is a difference b/c some men want the power and are clueless as to what to do with it. If a woman is with a man that truly knows how to handle his biz then the rest will fall into place…it will.
Sassy – That’s what I’m trying to say to these “Please don’t emasculate me” whiners!
W8 – You read like you can identify – we ladies say – don’t whine, just BE ABOUT IT!!
Leggs- Thanks, you got what I’m trying to tell DK & his little amen corner!
AmazonRed™
May 27th, 2009
12:12 pm
she is now struggling to get back into the workforce.
Lioness – Isn’t everyone right now?
My parents had 3 kids in 5 years and my dad asked her to stay at home. She didn’t like it, but she did it. She didn’t turn a blind eye to her marraige tho and she always had a voice. My dad would have gotten hit with a frying pan doing all that!
abc
May 27th, 2009
12:19 pm
W8, of course, what I’m saying is that most women are not capable of submitting to a man that doesn’t earn substantially more than she does. People’s identities are wrapped up in their jobs, professions and earning power way too much to disregard. If you’re a flunky at work and she isn’t, it’s almost guaranteed you’ll be a flunky at home too, and she won’t be. It’s just the way chicks are — they want a man that can provide them security (especially financially), and it you can’t do that, you’re not going to be a man. You’ll be some chick’s beeyotch.
Is that prideful of me to say so? I don’t think so, but others may. That’s okay. I’m no chick’s beeyotch, that’s for sure. I know plenty of men who are, and I don’t envy them for their wife’s earning power, nor willfulness, nor the crap they continuously catch from them.
Lioness- Still on East Coast Time
May 27th, 2009
12:20 pm
she is now struggling to get back into the workforce.
Lioness – Isn’t everyone right now?
Ared- Nope
Beautiful
May 27th, 2009
12:21 pm
**LABELING of a relationship TYPE not the titles within a relationship.**
example please! aren’t they one in the same?
Lioness- Still on East Coast Time
May 27th, 2009
12:21 pm
Abc- I agree with you..
Professor
May 27th, 2009
12:22 pm
@ARed, I just saw Moultrie as I was catching up, girl I know about Moultrie and Doerun, GA…
@ Cee thanks
Lioness- Still on East Coast Time
May 27th, 2009
12:23 pm
**LABELING of a relationship TYPE not the titles within a relationship.**
example please! aren’t they one in the same?
Angie- Re-read the comment and you SHOULD get it.. There is a difference
SexyCool
May 27th, 2009
12:24 pm
RELATIONSHIP TYPE – platonic, romantic, open, traditional, modern, etc.
RELATIONSHIP TITLE – girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, booty call partner, FWB, etc.
Melo
May 27th, 2009
12:24 pm
Inability to earn a superior amount doesn’t denote leadership, and it doesn’t impart security
Inability,yes?? coz if u are unable that means smething is lacking in skill set etc.
But in our dynamic bizzness world,earning power is not static,it is changing,yr in and yr out.
Its quite possible that one year,the woman may be earning less but earn more in another year depending on whats going on in her own career.
That alone shldnt be what defines a marriage,in the long run or who is head etc.
abc,u wldnt know that coz ur wife is a stay at home wife,by ur ruling,PERIOD!
AmazonRed™
May 27th, 2009
12:26 pm
That wasn’t a literal question, Lioness.
THE INFAMOUS DK
May 27th, 2009
12:26 pm
I’m sorry ladies if I dont buy into your modern woman nonsense.. I think a Man is a Man and a Woman is a Woman. Period. I also feel a secure woman doesnt have to parade around and say she is a modern succesful woman.. She’s just a woman. I guess thats where I get it confused because I dont care what you do or what you make, youre just a woman plain and simple. Hopefully you have a beautiful mind and we can chit chat, have a good time and just be.
Beautiful
May 27th, 2009
12:26 pm
thanks!
Lioness- Going to the Pool
May 27th, 2009
12:28 pm
DK- I like that
Tazzee - it's my birthday week!
May 27th, 2009
12:29 pm
DK – are you just posting stuff for the lurkers to see or are your comments related to the comments the ladies are making today?
AmazonRed™
May 27th, 2009
12:30 pm
I guess thats where I get it confused because I dont care what you do or what you make, youre just a woman plain and simple.
DK – That’s not really what the issue is though. Yes a man is a man and a woman is a woman, but what about gender roles. If you’re not into modern women, then are you traditional? If so, are you willing to bring in the bacon while the wife takes care of the household? If not, if she’s working just as hard as you in the office, are you pulling your weight at home too?
kimmie
May 27th, 2009
12:30 pm
DK – And a secure man does not have to parade around or blog around saying he’s a MAN either, per your 12:03. Practice what you preach!!LOL!!
Ya seem sorta bitter, bro, but hey, it’s all good!!
Leggs
May 27th, 2009
12:31 pm
@abc —>”…thing is, there’s no such thing as a chick that will submit to man if she makes more money than he does. He’ll always be the lesser party.” You are wrong!!! A real woman will recognize the “man” in her man no matter how much more money she makes than him. I know a few households where the woman makes more, and husbands are every bit the head of their households.
abc
May 27th, 2009
12:31 pm
No Melo, mine stays at home because she can, and she wants to. She has a lot else to occupy her time and energy, and no need for earning money.
Now, that could change, and if it does, she’ll certainly step up and do whatever is required, because that’s the kind of woman she is. It would serve to change some dynamics between us, not in a positive way. I hope it doesn’t happen.
-W8©(man meal for lunch..just steak..nothing else)
May 27th, 2009
12:32 pm
@abc- I guess we will just have to agree to disagree
@SexyCool- on titles..lol..I remember I was with a woman with whom I just had relations with, as this was or bi- weekly thing..nothing more nothing less…her phone rang and she replies to the caller”Oh, I am just hanging with my friend” after she hung up I busted out laughing she asked why. I told her I just had a moment of clarity..lol..all the times I have called females and they said “Just hangin with my friend”..LMAO
Kym
May 27th, 2009
12:35 pm
Where is Truth when you need him?
Lioness- Going to the Pool & Setting my out of office reply
May 27th, 2009
12:36 pm
Have a wonderful day all!
Leggs
May 27th, 2009
12:36 pm
Hey abc, I may be wrong, but I thought you’ve posted a few times that your wife will NOT work. So is she staying at home because she wants to or is it because you feel your wife shouldn’t work since you can provide for everything. Just curious!
Leggs
May 27th, 2009
12:39 pm
It would serve to change some dynamics between us, not in a positive way. I hope it doesn’t happen.
That is a mouthful, abc. Why do you think the changes could not be positive ones?
NY2GA, Inc.
May 27th, 2009
12:39 pm
@Lioness- Still on East Coast Time
I don’t disagree with you. But, in my response I was talking to SEXYCOOL directly.
THE INFAMOUS DK
May 27th, 2009
12:41 pm
Kimme – Youre missing the point. I’m not attacking you or anyone I’m just speaking my mind. My Mind. Its not going to always coincide with what you wanna hear. I was very bitter when I got divorced because I thought the system screwed dudes but that another story. I’m at a point in my life where I know what I like, want and theres no need to be ashamed about it.
Amazon Red – Im for what works for you. I personally think marriage is over rated. However I dont wanna grow old alone. I just want to be the Uncle that had that Girlfriend for ever. Like Fred G. Sanford and Donna or Oprah and Stedman.
AmazonRed™
May 27th, 2009
12:43 pm
DK – What works for though? You haven’t answered the question. If you’re gonna get married (cuz you don’t want to die alone, great reason by the way
). What do you expect out of your wife? Especially if you’re not into “modern” women?
AmazonRed™
May 27th, 2009
12:44 pm
My apologies for the length but here is a perspective from a stay at home wife. Doesn’t sound like the worst life to have…IMO
I was having a conversation with someone recently who needed to get my information in the file in the event they needed to call me about something. Cool. No problem.
The question got around to where do I work and I answered…I don’t work. Then she asked how many kids did I have in my home and I answered…three, my husband and two doggies.
I laughed.
She didn’t.
Oh well…whatever.
I remember having the conversation with a good friend once about why I have a housekeeper if I’m home. Basically he was like…shouldn’t you have time to clean? I explained to him the danger of planning MY time…for ME.
Apparently being a stay at home mother isn’t the same as being a stay at home wife and yes, I get that. But I still don’t care cuz it works for us.
My husband wants me to be happy and my MAIN job is to make sure HE’S happy. That’s my job.
He just walked out the door with a new suit on. Dare I say he looks FABULOUS. His shoes were tight as were his shirt and tie. Cuff links EXACTLY as they should be. I did that. Last night he had a proposal to review. He was able to close the door to the office and do just that and I kept all extraneous anythings out of his way. When it was dinner time he ate and we talked.
Melo
May 27th, 2009
12:45 pm
You are wrong!!!-Leggs,thanx,u see it the way i do!
It would serve to change some dynamics between us, not in a positive way
not in a positive way???..i kinda knew that.Thats lame coz it means u dont wanna be be challenged in a good way and u proly view marriage only in material/money/jesus-bible era days/ways.It sounds to me then that ur wife stays home not because she wants to but becoz u have manipulated her that way.I bet u have a phsychological edge on her and shes smitten.
So there is only one lyfestyle ur wife can lead and be with u?? Housewife??
abc,u not serious!!
AmazonRed™
May 27th, 2009
12:46 pm
Sorry, the post was broken up into two parts but melo’s comment crashed the party.
AmazonRed™
May 27th, 2009
12:47 pm
Part two:
Hubby has made a few moves in his career since we’ve been together that have been pretty impressive. I’ve watched him turn down VERY good offers without even blinking twice after we’ve discussed it and found it wouldn’t fit for his career path. Since we have been together he has more than DOUBLED his salary. Yall don’t recognize how big that is. Lemme put it this way.
We’ve been together now for 7 years. Let’s say he was only making 50K when we met. Let’s say he’d received a 10% salary increase per year. (Now I know that’s waaaay high this day and age because the average is REALLY only about 3.5%…lemme repeat…THE AVERAGE IS ONLY 3.5%…but I really want to drive home the difference.)
Year 1 – 50,000
Year 2 – 55,000
Year 3 – 65,500
Year 4 – 72,050
Year 5 – 79,255
Year 6 – 87,180
Year 7 – 95,898
So…that’s a modest increase right? Right. How does that comparison work against reality? It’s blown out of the water. No contest. None. At all. He has made up for the loss of my salary in less than 4 years.
(con’t)
SexyCool
May 27th, 2009
12:51 pm
NY2GA – The other thing that I keep telling myself is that I have not met the right person at the right time.
AmazonRed™
May 27th, 2009
12:53 pm
Last part:
So…a stay at home wife I am right now. Sure…I’m probably considered lazy because of my housekeeper. Sure…I’m probably bad, bad, bad. All things terrible via the feminist regime.
But my husband likes it and he loves his life.
Do I love my life?
What do YOU think? LOL!
Don’t knock being a stay at home partner. Bored I NEVER am. And I hope I’ve proven that a person with the type of support at home that my husband has can and WILL do BIG, BIG things. Hell…before you know it…the money will catch up without a hiccup if done RIGHT.
Now…let me get my lazy butt up and start my morning.
THE INFAMOUS DK
May 27th, 2009
12:55 pm
Amazon – I dont wanna get married. My perfect situation would be to have a committed relationship with a woman that has her home and I have mine. We get together spend time, travel and love each other without marriage. Thats my answer. Its not that uncommon these days you know..
-W8©
May 27th, 2009
12:57 pm
A man can take over the world with the right woman on his team
kimmie
May 27th, 2009
12:58 pm
DK – No, I totally get your point. I never said you attacked anybody on this blog! You stated how you feel, I commented on it, end of story. I’m sorry if MY opinion of you speaking YOUR MIND is not to your liking. Actually, no I’m not sorry!LOL!!
It’s just that the times that you come on here you never have anything positive to say about women! In fact, it’s a few like you that come on here and proceed to tell us how we think as women. All based on your own bitter experience. Ish happens in life, move on. We all don’t operate like those you’ve come in contact with.
I wish you LOVE, PEACE and SOUL!!!!
AmazonRed™
May 27th, 2009
12:59 pm
DK – OK.
-W8©
May 27th, 2009
1:00 pm
@Kimmie- When I want to hear your opinion I will give it to you!!….lol..im just joking..lmao