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Doing Too Much?

I was reading an article in the June issue of Essence that raised a couple of great questions about single and coupled up women. The article, entitled Body Shop asked how far would/should women go to get a man or please the one they have? Obviously this will vary a great deal from one person to the next.

The article referred to this quest to seek physical and sexual perfection in hopes of landing a man or keeping a man. Some women are taking classes in everything from cooking to pole dancing, to sex lessons to raise their profile on the dating scene. If it can impress a man with one of the tricks/tips they have learned in these classes, it is well worth the investment of money, time, and effort.

I decided that I am pretty much too lazy to be that pressed about getting a man and maybe that is my problem. Am I doing enough to get a man? Should I start enrolling in classes that will make me a soul food cooking, pole swinging, vixen in the bedroom kind of woman that men are drawn to?

Guys, does it really take all of this to attract you? Do you really find women with a well-rounded “education” in male attraction more fascinating? Are you meeting women that disclose the fact that they are taking these classes? How do you respond when they tell you?

Ladies, do you think women are doing too much to get a man? Is it desperate measures or are these actions spot on? Should more women try harder to improve their profile to a single man with classes like this? Have you taken a cooking, pole dancing, or sex class before? Was it a good experience for you? Did you learn a lot? Did it make you feel empowered?

Happy Wednesday!

482 comments Add your comment

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
8:50 am

WiseDiva my mother…yeah my mom taught me to be presentable, approachable, but not always available when it comes to men. No jumping thru hoops or performing tricks just to get a man.

First of all not all men like the same type of woman. Cooking??? That is just a life basic. Yeah most men love a good home cooked meal, but I wouldn’t be going out my way to learn how to cook just to get the man. Men ain’t all that that a woman has to be out there learning the lasted head games just to get one to want to be with her.

There is a big difference in doing things to get one versus doing certain things after you have gotten with one. Save something for the special someone. If you dancing on every man’s stage like you are auditioning for a script, what is there for the one that gets you?

My motto was and still is, what you see is what you get. If a guy didn’t like what he saw then he did right by keeping it moving. If he didn’t want to take the time to get to know me, the person, then I had nothing for him.

mytw♥cents

May 20th, 2009
8:54 am

If it’s not already in ya, it’s gonna be pointless. I took a bellydance class and the teacher told me I was a natural. I told her I felt like a cheat cuz these hips already have a mind of their own. :grin: If you don’t find fulfillment in making sure your man is well fed by your own culinary skills, then you’re just throwing money away and will resent his hungry behind later. Me, I already love to cook and would love to take a cooking class in Italy. So if somebody reaps the benefits of it besides myself, win-win…

Now I can be just as naive about some things as I am worldly of others. While I’m sure some are doing these to increase their odds, I’m hesitant to believe it’s the motive behind most women’s efforts. Cuz there seems to be lots of take out ordering, microwave meal making, Trudy-Prudey he’s lucky if I ‘let’ him have some, it wasn’t even his birthday and he asked me to do THAT types who keep a man.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
9:00 am

And don’t even start with that “if you don’t do XYZ, another woman will”. Well buddy, another woman is who you need to be with then.

Every woman wants to be the epitome of sexy in that special man’s eye. But sexy does not mean sleazy or slutty. Sexy is in the eyes, the walk, the talk, the air. I have never been one to show a lot of skin in public. My mother and grandmother showed me how a woman should present herself. That’s the woman that I am today and have always been.

Have I ever done anything stupid for a guy, yes. But guess what I am not even with that/those guy(s) today. So forget all of the foolery to catch a mate. The right man for you will be just fine with the you that you are. That’s what I believe.

mytw♥cents

May 20th, 2009
9:04 am

And about those sex classes, WD… Who’s giving them, what’s the price, and how much do we get per session?

JAMOCA You up and about yet? It’s too early for a lil Crown Royal ‘n Coke but I’ll start looking for the bartender now…

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
9:06 am

TwoLincolns I took a belly dancing class once because I wanted to dance for my marido on his birthday. I prepared an Indian cuisine and danced for him. He loved it and I was glad I could make him happy. But like I said in my other comment, certain things are for the select one only after we are together.

I did find that it was a great form of exercise, too. LOL

M'

May 20th, 2009
9:09 am

Well, attempting to think objectively about this article…I guess some women feel that they need a more competitive edge to either to with or stay with someone…and if that is working for them, then fine…not me.

I am very well-rounded with many diverse interests…and ironically, that is sometimes too much for some men to handle…especially if they are not equally as well-rounded…but I have always had an insatiable (sp) curiousity and inquisitiveness, so I enjoy learning new things to augment my interest list or new ways of doing something that I am already familiar with…but again, these are all for my own personal enhancement…and if someone else happens to benefit from it by sharing a life experience with me fine…if not, I still know how to do it…lol

M'

May 20th, 2009
9:19 am

@Raqi

Taking the belly dancing class was, IMHO, a relationship enhancer…you created the complete ambience to make it a pleasurable and enjoyable moment for both you and your husband…and that is way cool…you wanted to have a memorable moment for a special occassion…and to me that is not the same as pursuing an interest with the intent to get or keep a man…the motivations and outcomes are clearly very different.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
9:20 am

Morning all. I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I’m a woman who learns by example. I see what it takes to be a wife by my mother, but I never learned how to be a girlfriend. She taught me the things she did as a wife could be too much for just girlfriend status. She was around my age when she married, which could have been a reason why (Marrying at 29 in the 70s was on the old side).

After meeting a guy who does it all, even making a slamming dinner, I feel I come up short. Yesterday, we talked about natural roles of a man and it made me think about natural roles of a woman, and how I’ve been flying solo for so long, I think I’ve forgotten.

M'

May 20th, 2009
9:29 am

@ARed

What do you mean by feeling like you come up short????…just wondering.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
9:32 am

Look my husband does not like everything about me. Hell I can’t stand the way he drives. We are not good on the road traveling companions. But what we do like about each was enough to bring and keep us together. And those are the things that truly matter. Good work ethics. Likable sense of humor. Tried and true friendship. There were no classes for these things, it’s just who we are.

However you can’t just sit on your fanny and wait for a man to drop in your lap. You have got to be out there and be presentable and approachable. Doing nothing is just as bad and doing too much.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
9:36 am

M exactly. The things that I am willing to do to love, keep and please my husband are way different from the things I was willing to do to get a man.

Certain benefits and efforts are set aside for that special person.

Professor (living for the 3 day weekend)

May 20th, 2009
9:41 am

Morning everyone,

WD, I read that article and it sparked my interest and made me think about myself. IMO I am a complex person with a major goal…I want to be a lifelong learner. So usually every year I set out on learning a new skill(s) or learning more about a topic that has piqued my interest e.g. gardening, baking, reading autobiographies and the list goes on. Simply put I work on me the only person that I can control and if a SO benefits from this well more power to him.

@ Raqi- I think the belly dancing and Indian cuisine was a great gift to your husband that both of you could enjoy.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
9:41 am

Amazon IMO I would say to be a girlfriend you have to be more than a friend but less than a wife.

But this is only if you are a true girlfriend. Not a FWB or someone you are getting to know or just kicking it with. Like we said a few topics back, some guys want the girlfriend experience without making you the girlfriend and some guys want the wife experience from the girlfriend. Every form of relationship has it’s limits. Don’t cross them.

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 20th, 2009
9:44 am

Good Morning blog fam :)

Ladies, do you think women are doing too much to get a man? Is it desperate measures or are these actions spot on? Should more women try harder to improve their profile to a single man with classes like this? Have you taken a cooking, pole dancing, or sex class before? Was it a good experience for you? Did you learn a lot? Did it make you feel empowered?

Interesting topic: This reminds me of two of my long time girlfriends and some of the actions they’ve taken. What I’ve noticed in them is that they were both very DESPERATE to get a man and to get married. Friend A has 4 kids from 3 different dudes, recently married a man from the Middle East from whom she is now seperated and recently lost her house. I’ve seen her attach herself to a man in a minute b/c she doesn’t want to be alone. Friend B wanted to get married so bad for such a long time and when she met her last boyfriend she thought he was the one but it never worked out. He told her what she wanted to hear and that was it. They met in June and she was pregnant by July. Now both women are miserable. Where was I during this time?…..trying in vain to dissuade them both from messing up but in the end I realized it wasn’t me call to make. Would I do some dumb shyt like that hellz naw but that’s just me.

If I were to ever take a pole dancing class it would be for the exercise not to get a man….whether it be a cooking class or karate hell I would do it for MY better self. Any man that I may be with could possibly be a secondary beneficiary of my new found “skills” but I would first and foremost always do it for me.

KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

May 20th, 2009
9:47 am

These self-help workshops, classes, therapies are really overkill for what it takes to land a man. Men aren’t really all that complicated or picky. You simply have to allow them to work through their process of maturation before he figures out he only really ‘needs’ a B-student. B-students don’t attract a lot of attention and can handle the necessities of life. We don’t need you to take sex lessons because coming to the table with too much skill and exposure may raise a red flag…LOL. Get your pole dance lesson for exercise so your body can remain tight. Men eyes wander when they see other enticing physical entities. However, they learn over time that home is where love, comfort and peace resides. Don’t get caught up in all of the societal hype because it will only work to dirve your mind crazy!!

Melo

May 20th, 2009
9:48 am

Yesterday, we talked about natural roles of a man and it made me think about natural roles of a woman, and how I’ve been flying solo for so long, I think I’ve forgotten

U make a very good observation.Bottom line:everybody can improve themselves,one way or the other.We take training in classes to improve our competitiveness on the job(s), so why not with dating and finding true love?
Thing is,if ur mom and dad or aunties/uncles did not teach u certain things growing up(coz thats the normal training route for most pple),u gotta find another teacher to teach u, outside of ur family.And its true that some pple,men and women,did not get the training,growing up.
So im all for a woman getting training in ceratin things,if they feel they need it.
My Queen certainly did not know how to cook well when we met.Being some sort of aristocracy(laugh),her mom was slack in that department,even tho she grew in a mom and dad set up.
But she got training from one of her room mates back when we were still dating.She hinted to me once what the lady said(the lady was a zulu like me).”Girl,this boy u dating is zulu and they luv their home food.If u dont cook,u wont last long with him” I dint know about that disccussion untill waaay later,after we were King and Queen.
And recently,she has told me that the women at church have taught her so many things she never knew,growing up.Im sure she applies that everyday in this zuzlu union.
I aint filing divorce papers anytime soon.! :lol:
So there!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
9:49 am

What do you mean by feeling like you come up short????…just wondering.

M’Karyl – You know guys who say well, she does XYZ so what does she even need me for if she can do it all on her own. It’s like that in reverse. :lol:

Not to discount my personality, loyalty, support and all that. But you know he can take care of all his responsiblities as a man, and can do some of the woman stuff pretty good too.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
9:49 am

Just thinking out loud really.

Le Siren

May 20th, 2009
9:51 am

I am definitely one of those women who believes in “educating” myself in every aspect of my life. That being said, I believe that we should always strive to become better, more well-rounded women. I’ve taken pole, bellydancing, and go-go classes…my mother is the best cooking teacher ever…and I’m ALWAYS up for sharpening my bedroom skillz! I just feel that if I want to attract and keep a high-quality man then I need to be a high-quality woman.

M'

May 20th, 2009
9:59 am

@ARed

That is cool…I just wanted clarity for the sake of better understanding what YOU meant, not what I may have inferred…lol…and I can see that happening too…again, I guess it is about balance of personalities and the ability to embrace them with another person…personally, I would love it if a man did it all…lol

Foots

May 20th, 2009
10:03 am

I think someone said it earlier, the things that I (pay money to) do and learn are to benefit me; if someone else gets some enjoyment out of it, then that’s just gravy. I’ve always been interested in some type of dance and have taken many forms. The pole dancing became an expression of my sensuality and my enjoyment of seeing my own body move that way. And the workout is incredible. I never enrolled in any form of dance thinking that it might help me get a man.

But, I do realize that anything that adds novelty and helps keep boredom at bay will help the relationship and spice it up. Whether that means showing extra effort with something I learned to cook, or doing a sensual dance because I know just how to move it, I’m willing to put in the extra effort to keep things lively. I don’t ascribe to “If one woman won’t do it, another one will”, I ascribe to “If it’s in my power to do it, I will”. I can’t be perfect by any means, nor can I provide him with everything his heart has ever desired. But I CAN do what I can do, and put forth the kind of effort that shows him that I am pleased to have him in my life and that I can offer something to him that will please him also, other than my sparkling personality and edgy sense of humor, of course…

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:03 am

Thanks melo.

Well, you know my parents have been married for 30 years and my mom basically told me not to stress out trying to be Susie Homemaker as just a gilfriend. She told me that once I’m married I’ll have plenty of time to cook, clean and be a glorified maid :lol: so to just work on being me and the best person I can be.

However, in 2009, folks are coming into relationships with their own households already and such. You know I own my own house and my mother didn’t ever until she married. They had to figure out all the domestic stuff together really. So now is just the time I can start figuring all that stuff now. It doesn’t take a lot to take care of ME, I can have a loaded baked potato for dinner and be cool!, but it will take a lot to take care of someone else. I’m just all the more aware of this now.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
10:03 am

Morning All!

I know that there are certain things I’ll need to learn once I meet that special guy – but I don’t believe in going all out to get him. Like $0.02 said, if it ain’t in you then it’s pointless IMO. Raqi said it best ‘what you see is what you get’ and when a women goes through all this to ‘get’ a man, I believe the dude is meeting her representative – and once she gets him good, the natural woman will come out.

But when you meet a special guy and you’ve already attracted him, but you decide you want to do something special for him – that’s when I think it sticks. Because you know that guy wants you for you – and not for the classes you’ve taken.

AmRed I know exactly how you feel. My guy is a do-all kinda man, he’s a single dad so he has to be. I believe in working hard and playing hard – all that homemaking just doesn’t come naturally to me. One day I asked him what it is about me – because he does so much to take care of me, but I didn’t feel like I was taking care of him in the traditional sense. He said it was my loyalty and support, my care for his well being that he needed. He doesn’t need a woman to cook and clean for him. Kinda like I don’t need a man to buy me nice things….

He’s cooked for me twice – I mean, really cooked. I’ve prepared a meal for him twice (salad one night and soup and crackers when he was sick) – would you believe that man was bragging to his friends about the delicious salad I made? So I had to stop thinking that I was coming up short because I’m not coming up short in being a mate to him – and that’s all that matters.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:07 am

personally, I would love it if a man did it all…lol

:lol: M’ – Me too! But I would feel a little guilty for not pulling my own weight.

My mother loves to tell me the story of one of her old co-workers who married a doctor who loves to make gourmet meals. He basically just wants her presence, he’ll do all the work (she worked because she wanted to do something outside th house and he wants her to be happy). :lol: Not all of us can be so lucky! :lol:

-W8©(waiting for the day when the male bashing is not tthe forced topic or atleast it doesnt start until the afternoon-lol)

May 20th, 2009
10:07 am

Just wow@ some of these comments

..”If you always do what you’ve always done..you will always get what you have always gotten”

A leopard will always show it’s spots..you are who you are..be yourself at all times..dont try and change into something that you dont want to change into..because you will eventually go back to your oldself and then you have misled the other person.

@ARed- great game last night…your team one..congrats…Denver brought it to the at the Staples

Tmac

May 20th, 2009
10:07 am

There is nothing turn off than a woman who is deliberatley trying so many things to get with me……

if you dont enjoy cooking, its cool, I cook or we eat out, that is why resturants are for. Other things that are essential that you no good at (I am pretty sure I have my own share), that is why I am with you cause you are willing to learn.

KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

May 20th, 2009
10:11 am

(KP’s Thinking Out Loud)

Our society is marketing all of these self-help options, but still failing in teaching people how assess the character of others.

What good is giving all of the ‘right stuff’ to the WRONG person?

Several women on this blog have the ‘right stuff’ but the challenge is connecting with the right man to share it with.

Men very rarely marry their best ’sex partner.’ However, they do marry the one they truly fall in love, which provides an enhanced sexual experience.

Foots

May 20th, 2009
10:12 am

And to add to Amazon’s point, my boyfriend cooks very well, nearly every day, and he does laundry and irons like he was a dry cleaner in another life. To be honest, I’m not all that sure what DOES impress him, other than being able to discuss the latest House bills that actually made it to the Senate floor. I just work to be the best me I can be, always a work in progress, doing the things that come natural to me well and growing as a person.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:12 am

I believe in working hard and playing hard – all that homemaking just doesn’t come naturally to me. One day I asked him what it is about me – because he does so much to take care of me, but I didn’t feel like I was taking care of him in the traditional sense. He said it was my loyalty and support, my care for his well being that he needed

Tazzee – Thanks for this. You totally do see where I’m coming from.

Yeah, you know in the past, I’ve met guys who have half azzed it, so I half azzed it too. No real need to step it up. But you know when you meet someone who is doing what they truly need to be doing, those excuses don’t work anymore.

Guess play time is over!

-W8©(waiting for the day when the male bashing is not tthe forced topic or atleast it doesnt start until the afternoon-lol)

May 20th, 2009
10:12 am

@ARed- I meant your team won one..lol

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
10:13 am

Because you know that guy wants you for you – and not for the classes you’ve taken.

Tazzee exactly.

in being a mate to him That is all that matters. Not every man likes the same type of woman.

I heard my marido tell his female cousin once that there is not such thing as a woman not being marriage material. It is all in finding the right guy that likes the material she is made of.

Unfortunately (my husband says) that did not make her change her mind about being gay. She still thinks all men are aresholes. LOL

Professor (living for the 3 day weekend)

May 20th, 2009
10:14 am

@ Ared I understand the thought process behind your comment. I never looked at it like that.

I just work on improving myself and doing those things that interest me. However I feel that human beings are walking contradictions and there is a fine line to walk with anything. With that said, in the past I have learned how to prepare a special meal or put extra thought into planning something for a SO.

Never would I try to hide the true “Professor” or enhance the “Professor” beyond recognition. That is similar to Botox vs. eyeliner. In other words if you are taking all of these classes and doing all of these things I feel you are doing too much. Sometimes we can smother the true person we are trying to be something we are not. Once we slack off from all of this nonsense (after you catch that person) he/she is stuck thinking you sent a representative.

Foots

May 20th, 2009
10:15 am

I think my first post got eaten… :-(

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
10:16 am

KP I agree with that entire 10:11 comment.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
10:16 am

W8 – there’s no male bashing in this topic or in the comments, so you can change your moniker ;-)

Melo

May 20th, 2009
10:19 am

Because you know that guy wants you for you – and not for the classes you’ve taken

I kinda have a different take on that!
When u take classes to learn smething u want to do and u start practicing it,it becomes a natural.Im sure if smebody asked u some accounting qstions,u simply blep out the accounting answers u have coz evething is now ingrained in ur head.Its now natural.Same here.
Now, i see pple are confusing a guy’s attraction with keeping/retaining a guy which shld be the greater subject of today’s discussion.
U can meet a guy that likes u for 3 weeks but once they get to know the substantive u,they may not particularly like some of ur traits.That may be too late to keep him.
I think its impreative for evrybody,men and women to get classes,training,coaching etc in whatever area they feel they fall short.Period.
The attraction and retention will natuarlly follow.
<if it ain’t in you then it’s pointless IMO
Its not pointless.If it aint in u,u can go out there and seek it and then retain it,just as u can seek training in finance etc and be a finance wiz,sleeping and walking finance after u thru with class.
Then, its a natural.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:20 am

..”If you always do what you’ve always done..you will always get what you have always gotten”

I’ve always hated that quote. Though I understand the sentiment. Some folks in life just get the breaks though.

W8 – Thanks. Yeah, I’m proud of the Lakers. They just like to win in dramatic fashion. :lol:

-W8©(Tazzee is not the boss of me-lol)

May 20th, 2009
10:21 am

@Tazzee- What?

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
10:24 am

…”I’ve always hated that quote. Though I understand the sentiment. Some folks in life just get the breaks though”…

@Ared- Yeah but they also pay for it somehow someway even if we do not see it-IMO

I have a bunch of women in my family..my advice to them is to never sacrifice who you are, there are enough men in the world that you will eventually find the right one who appreciates you for who you are.

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
10:26 am

Morning all

I read the article in Essence of which WD speaks. It reeked of desparation and one of the quotes got me kinda angry. This woman was talking about how a dude flat out told her she was coming up short with the mouth action and she needed to up her game and if she didn’t he would get someone who would. He would have been gone so quick it would have made his head spin! And that is after I got thru dogging him out!

The posts by Raqi and Mytwo could almost have been written by me! Some of the points that stand out are:

yeah my mom taught me to be presentable, approachable, but not always available when it comes to men. No jumping thru hoops or performing tricks just to get a man.

Save something for the special someone. If you dancing on every man’s stage like you are auditioning for a script, what is there for the one that gets you?

If it’s not already in ya, it’s gonna be pointless.

Me, I already love to cook and would love to take a cooking class in Italy. So if somebody reaps the benefits of it besides myself, win-win…

I love to cook and have always been able to burn. But I learned awhile back that was not really how I was going to catch a husband. Because just like Tazzee’s example – a dude will freak out over a sandwhich if he is really into YOU! My best friend in Cali told me this. I was stressing out over a meal I had made for this dude because he always compared everyone’s cooking to his mom’s whose cooking was excellent. My friend told me if I made him a turkey sandwich then that was enough!

I went to a birthday party/pole dance class. It was fun and I texted my SO about it. He told me I’d have to show him what I learned. I’ll show him – one day. He hasn’t mentioned it again but I’ll do it to do something nice for him – because he’s special.

You can tell when I really love someone and think they are special because I will go all out for them. Men in the past have just gotten the bare-bones basics from me. They were not that special and did not really treat me as such. We both got what we put into the relationship!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:28 am

Yeah but they also pay for it somehow someway even if we do not see it-IMO

Not always. I just don’t think that’s quote is an absolute statement. But we can agree to disagree.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
10:28 am

Melo – I’m talking about learning something just for the purpose of getting the man or acting a certain way just to get him. Sure, I can learn how to cook a glamorous meal – but I am not going to be doing that on a regular basis. And I actually like to cook when I get in the kitchen to do it. We should all seek to better ourselves, but when we do it simply to attract a man, that’s when I think we get ourselves in trouble. If a guy doesn’t like what he finds to be the substantive me – then he’s not the one for me. It won’t matter if can throw down in the kitchen or the bedroom.

W8 – :lol:

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
10:30 am

as I finish my acai berry, and blueberry yogurt cup….

…morning,

“Should more women try harder to improve their profile?”

I think a man that wants to get with you program, already sees in you what he wants, inexperienced and all. They’re just MEN, and SIMPLE, one of the most simple species on earth. Ask them what they like.

Cooking example: The day I feed my guy a sausage sandwich and a smile, i got the same results as the day I feed him Reggae style cuisine with the added sexy innuendos. He was ride or die, either way.

Next time i’ma try a potted meat sandwhich, and see if he roars back.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
10:31 am

When a guy puts a limit on what I am to him, he puts a limit on what he gets from me.

I had a friend several years ago that would go to her boyfriends house clean it, do his laundry, cook his meals for like 3 days at a time every single week and I would wonder what else is there to be done. She was his freaking wife with being made his wife.

I didn’t have an actually list of do and don’t while dating but certain things I just didn’t do or make a habit of doing it. I cooked on special nights or mornings together at his place or at mine. But never went to any man’s house to do his cleaning or laundry, nor did I do it when I just happened to be there. The only time I did any man’s laundry was with the one I am with now and that is because he was spending the weekend at my place and I was throwing in some stuff of my boys and added his to make a full load. Other than that, nada.

I did not drop the panties every time he showed looking good and smelling de.li.ci.ous nor every time he tapped me on the shoulder. And I truly loved him but it just wasn’t going down like that.

Now as his wife, it’s all different. I am forever cleaning, cooking and doing laundry. And if I breathe too hard or brush up against him while sleeping he tries to mount me. LOL

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
10:33 am

@ARed- Can you go more in depth from your point of view..I am sincerely trying to understand..no bs or games. My side is..it may seem that some people get the breaks..but in the long run they may pay for it..but I am on the outside looking in so I really dont know.

anonymousella

May 20th, 2009
10:35 am

pssht. none of these things are necessary. if y’all are right for each other, you will work it out. i would never take a sex class, cooking class, or pole dancing class to get / keep a man … mostly because i don’t need the first two and i am far too clumsy to risk the third.

that said, it seems really odd to go through all of these changes for someone else. and i promise. you. men are NOT doing this stuff to get with us. it’s so not that serious.

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
10:39 am

Tazzee I think you do more than enough. He is raving that salad because he knows from whenst it came, and that’s Y.O.U.!!! He wants Tazzee Mae’s 12 Step Program.

Demi – Brotha, to finish where we left off last evening…You are not rude, in the least. You’ve go it pegged about right,…i’ll add to your assessment of healthy relationship. The 5 year time frame has shrunken, and has pretty much already manifested itself now.
And let me correct, that there was me on simmer for 9+ years…

M'

May 20th, 2009
10:41 am

@ARed

I guess that could be an issue with regard to pulling your weight…but I also believe that if a person is comfortable with doing those things…then so be it…if a relationship is set to be successful, then I believe that each person knows how to contribute something of value to it.

I still think of a couple that have been family friends for ages…Odell always did the cooking, grocery shopping, housecleaning, etc because he was particular about things and also because he did it better than Bobbie…lol…she was the liberated woman on the go…and he was the stay at home husband…and they arenow into the like 50 something years of marriage…somehow they have made it work for them…and it has mostly been good…solid as a rock still.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
10:41 am

Anon Can we please say it again but louder?

“AND I PROMISE. YOU. MEN ARE NOT DOING THIS STUFF TO GET WITH US!!!”

IMO women and men both should not be so quick and desperate to do things for the other that they are not doing or willing to do for you.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:41 am

Can you go more in depth from your point of view..

W8 – No, not really. It’s kind of off topic and I really don’t care to elaborate. Basically, I think the quote is true. Yes, typically you will get the same results from doing the same things. But there are plenty of instances that speak to the otherwise to that would never make me cast that quote carte blanche on to people.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:42 am

that said, it seems really odd to go through all of these changes for someone else. and i promise. you. men are NOT doing this stuff to get with us. it’s so not that serious.

So true! I know I took pole dancing classes for me. It’s because it’s something I wanted to do. It’s just gravy that it can also help in other areas of my life. :lol:

LIONESS-I LOVE my Strawberries!

May 20th, 2009
10:43 am

Good Morning All :)

I can’t do nothing but be me when it comes to men. Take it or leave.. Fortunately, I know how to cook very well and sex is a given BUT that doesn’t necessarily mean that how well I cook and sex will keep a man..

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:44 am

I guess that could be an issue with regard to pulling your weight…but I also believe that if a person is comfortable with doing those things…then so be it…

Yeah, but what if no one really enjoys the cooking or the laundry. It’s gonna have to get done by someone. :lol:

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
10:44 am

When a guy puts a limit on what I am to him, he puts a limit on what he gets from me.

Preach Raqi!

And naw, I don’t wash no dudes dirty draws unless they are my husband. Never had one of those, so you get the point.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:46 am

IMO women and men both should not be so quick and desperate to do things for the other that they are not doing or willing to do for you.

Raqi – Agreed, but what is your advice for the ones that ARE doing and willing to do for you.

I hid behind the above for a long time because it fit. It doesn’t fit so much anymore!

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
10:50 am

Seriously I wonder if women are out there telling men about their pole dancing sessions or their HEAD 101 classes on 1st, 2nd, 3rd dates.

That for me is equivalent to a guy spewing the numbers in his bank account or the luxuries in crib to a woman upon approach.

Man: Look here ma, I gotz $$$$ and a 12 jet jacuzzi. Ya wanna be my woman?

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
10:50 am

M’ – my friend’s parents are like the couple you speak of and they’ve been together for over 40 years.

East Point's Own

May 20th, 2009
10:50 am

AmazonRed I just had this conversation this morning with a young lady I dated in the past. She told me that she enjoys cooking but she never cooked for me when we were dating because I cooked so well and she thought I would not appreciate her food.

There is always a reason NOT to do something… LOL

Personally if I dated someone who did things well, that would be the time I would try to show them what I can do and pick up some tips along the way… but that’s just me. If they really like you thoses learning/teaching moments would be time spent together sharing time together. If they turn up their nose at you, then they are not someone you need to be with.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
10:51 am

@Lioness- ..”I can’t do nothing but be me when it comes to men. Take it or leave”..

I think the world would be a better place if people were themselves..

abc

May 20th, 2009
10:51 am

Pole dancing and sex classes, that’s just crazy. What kind of man are you trying to attract that you feel you need to gain such expertise in order to get his attention?

Cooking classes are okay. Everyone should know how to cook, men and women alike. Everyone needn’t be a gourmet, but if you can’t make a meatloaf, that’s pretty sad.

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
10:52 am

I don’t wash no dudes dirty draws unless they are my husband. Never had one of those, so you get the point.

Kimmie Don’t bragg! So. You’re up one. I havta clean dirty drawers and he ain’t my hubby or boyfriend. :) just pickin on ya’. I definitely see your point. So, ^5!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:53 am

Seriously I wonder if women are out there telling men about their pole dancing sessions

Raqi – No worries about that here. I have brought it up in casual converstation with randoms if it fits tho. Whenever the convo does steer towards the fact I’ve taken classes and have a pole, it’s soon followed by the fact that he’ll never get to see a performance. :lol:

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
10:53 am

@Raqi…lol..Some men and women do that on the regular with those statements..lol..it’s comical at best and also a big turnoff to me

Melo

May 20th, 2009
10:54 am

AND I PROMISE. YOU. MEN ARE NOT DOING THIS STUFF TO GET WITH US!!!”

Raqi, u arent being serious!! Yesterday we were talking about soem men not handling it prtoperly as far as what they shld do.If they cant handle it that means they arent attractive to a woman in the long run.
So would it be wrong for that guy who dont have it to try get it from his homies?? I bet u,men do go thru that training by copying what they see their friends,fathers,uncles etc are doing or do and not necessarily thru formal classes.
But training it is.
I remember long back i broght one of my sis-in law’s young husband under my wing coz there were things he wasnt doing right to his fam.
These things do happen to men too.

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
10:55 am

Seriously I wonder if women are out there telling men about their pole dancing sessions or their HEAD 101 classes on 1st, 2nd, 3rd dates.

RaqiYep. and even telling them that they will give them a test drive.

You’ve been married a good minute sis.

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
10:59 am

Sister Cee – LOL!!!

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
11:01 am

Good Morning

ANONYMOUSELLA- I was thinking the same thing. They come into the relationship with the same ole sweaty balls…and you want me to TAP dance for you??!?!??!!! I think not! Alot of times guys are coming up short…. but I’m suppose to lengthen my relationship resume…PUHLEEZE!! LMAO!

Of course be a better person and work on your own issues. Thats the most important thing then to take dance and sex classes.

I personally feel today’s woman reeks of LOW self esteem and will sell their own mama just to get a man.

Skinny ones, fat onees, cute ones, ugly ones, tall ones. You name it they are all dealing with deep issues..and do not feel naturally comfortable with themselves. In this dating game you have to learn who you are and what you have to offer. Cause if not you are going to walk away licking your wounds…lol!

Those pole dancing classes are BIG BUCKS now. I think it sad. We tap dancing sooo much but yet the divorce rate is still rocketing. Let’s try to work on those deep hidden issues…before you learn to drop into a split.

LIONESS-I LOVE my Strawberries!

May 20th, 2009
11:01 am

W8- Wouldn’t it? I have NEVER encountered SOOO many desperate women in my LIFE! Just be yourself & choose the person that completes you but make sure they have the same relationship outlook as you do.

abc- Meatloaf isn’t an easy task, it takes practice.. If a person can’t make pancakes & eggs etc.. That is sad..

I want to have an erotic entertainment room in my house that is just for me & my man/husband to enjoy each other. Now, I don’t believe I would take pole classes to teach me how to use the pole.. Trial and error is the best way :)

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:03 am

I was thinking the same thing. They come into the relationship with the same ole sweaty balls…and you want me to TAP dance for you??!?!??!!! I think not! Alot of times guys are coming up short….

Blow – I’ll throw the question to you too. What happens when the guy is not coming up short. What if he’s putting on his tap dancing shoes for you too?

I’m just saying, it’s been fun talking about the men and what they aren’t doing, but what happens when you get rid of those and the next one you meet is doing all that he should?

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
11:03 am

Amazon do you. He is going to either like it or lick it.

I learned thru experience what anon said is the truth all day long.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:04 am

Now, I don’t believe I would take pole classes to teach me how to use the pole.. Trial and error is the best way

Lioness – Just food for thought, but trial and error can also give you a broken neck. I guess basic spins are cool, but it’s also fun to climb and flip upside down and such. I’m glad I learned how to do it properly and the classes are really fun too.

East Point's Own

May 20th, 2009
11:05 am

Foots mentioned the idea of women figuring out what DOES impress a guy… I think that’s where a lot of women go wrong. You should do you and not go out of your way to impress a dude. Don’t ponder the question of what impresses a dude. The way I see it you try to impress people who you feel are out of your league.
I can say that in the last couple years I was impressed by 2 women.. both ocassions were very simple things
#1 at an upscale restaurant in Virginia during group dinner I asked for sweet tea, and they had none so I asked for simple syrup, and folks at the table were like “what is that?” One young lady answered before I did… that impressed me.
#2 I was getting dressed one morning and the young lady I was seeing got out of bed and started to help me get dressed without saying a word… that impressed me.

Its not necessarily swinging from poles and cooking up a storm, its anything that’s already in you that can impress someone… whether you took a class or not, but to impress someone you have to have the skills in place beforehand.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:07 am

What kind of man are you trying to attract that you feel you need to gain such expertise in order to get his attention?

abc – I guess it’s a stretch for you to think that the classes can be for the woman’s fun and enjoyment.

I have never been able to stick with boring gym work outs. The pole dancing classes were perfect for me because I was able to tone my arms, which is something I hadn’t been able to do just taking regular dance classes.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
11:08 am

LIONESS-I LOVE my Strawberries!

May 20th, 2009
11:09 am

Ared- LOL! Not that serious though.. If I didn’t break my neck growing up doing all the crazy stuff I used to do, a pole is DEFINITELY not going to :)

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
11:09 am

ARED- If you doing all of that…what’s the point of taking them? If they “will never see it!!” Come one that does not make sense…Whats the point of taking a class and you are not going to use it?!??!

That’s like saying I am taking a cooking class..But no one will ever get to taste my cooking! smh!

You are bluffing get out here!!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:09 am

I learned thru experience what anon said is the truth all day long

Raqi – I have learned this as well. But that’s why I threw out there that there are guys who will step up to the plate and will go the distance for their woman. I guess that’s where you’re “do you” advice just fits.

Cuz if he wants you, he just wants you. :D

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
11:10 am

Amazon I think abc is talking in terms of doing these things for the sole purpose of appearing more attractive to men.

East Point's Own

May 20th, 2009
11:10 am

OK this pole dancing this is a bad example… I work with and know many pole dance students and instructors and I have not yet run into a single one who is taking these classes to get a man. I travel to pole dancing events across the US and these women are about making money, being fit, and winning competitions… I know some woman somewhere takes classes to get a man, but its not the motivationg factor for the large majority of them. Half the women don’t even own their own poles, they go to a dance studio like others go to a gym, after class its over.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:11 am

ARED- If you doing all of that…what’s the point of taking them? If they “will never see it!!” Come one that does not make sense…Whats the point of taking a class and you are not going to use it?!??!

Blow – My husband will see them. Only one man will be my husband, so yes most of the guys who hear about them WON’T ever see it.

But I took the classes for me from the get go. So if I never get married, no one will ever see. I truly enjoyed the experience for me. So sorry so many folks can’t get that.

I guess folks only take cooking classes and art classes for other people too. *shrugs*

LIONESS-I LOVE all of my Fruits!

May 20th, 2009
11:11 am

Blow- Where have you been?

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
11:12 am

I’m just not busting my butt to snag a man. That’s why I took myself out of the “scene” awhile back. Stopped going to clubs and other major meat market places, because the scene was always so tense! My younger brother and his wife remarked on all the tension awhile back when they came thru town and went out dancing. I just don’t do well in those situations because I don’t take them or anyone there seriously. I started meeting men when I was out, doing things that I loved, being me. Now these ladies feel they have to go all these extra miles to get & keep a man – the whole situation is sad!

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
11:14 am

@Lioness-Yep
@Ared- Theer is nothing wrong with adding a little flavor to your style
@East Point’s Own- I agree

I remember a Church sermon..that was long the lines of this” People complain that they keep meeting the wrong man or wrong woman…the only thing that is the same in those relationships is you..since you are the constant with new people coming in and out of your life…maybe you need to take a look at yourself”

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
11:14 am

Cemeeli yeah I have been off of the market for 8 years now, but has it really gotten that bad?

There have always been women that over advertised by way of fashion, or should I say the lack of it, and men that drove around in big shiny whips but I didn’t see or hear of too many just plainly putting it out there like that. Some folks had reputations but not much self verbal advertising to be spoken of.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:15 am

If I didn’t break my neck growing up doing all the crazy stuff I used to do, a pole is DEFINITELY not going to

If you say so. Glad you can see the future.

LIONESS-I LOVE all of my Fruits!

May 20th, 2009
11:15 am

I never read any of my Essence magazines.. LOL!

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
11:16 am

Kimmie I‘m just sayinig….you bragging ‘bout your, lil bitty laundry load a lil too much there. :smile:

Needed reposting.

“if he wants you, he just wants you.”

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
11:17 am

ARED- To answer your question…I will gladly step up to the plate. But I want him to LOVE me…Not all these extra fillers to throw a facade to the real me.

But answer me this…What man do you know is learning to sharpen his skills to be a husband or to gain a girlfriend?

Only lessons I will be taking will be those my grandmother and mother have taught me…take the positives and learn from the negatives.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:19 am

What man do you know is learning to sharpen his skills to be a husband or to gain a girlfriend?

Blow – I’d venture to say plenty. I don’t think anyone does things solely to gain a mate. But in improving self, you can improve who you are in relationships too. Me learning how to cook better will help when I have to cook for others. The guy who goes to Home Depot classes on the weekend will be better suited to handle home repairs when he’s married.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
11:20 am

Question why is everyone knocking on Ared? Did she say she was doing that to get a man or did she say she took the lessons as a treat for her man? I was in the mindset that she was just putting a little spice into things..nothing more nothing less.

Leggs

May 20th, 2009
11:21 am

Good day everyone! I can’t see me taking dance classes or cooking classes in the hopes of getting a man. I do see me taking these classes for MYSELF. Dancing is liberating and exhilirating. I take exotic dance class and bellydance classes to enrich my mind and body by learning new genres of dance. You know how I feel about cooking, everyone woman should know how to cook. I realize a lot don’t have this skill anymore nor care to have it. I’d rather get a man w/my mind, character, morals, quest for life than get one because I got a boob job, liposuction or sewn in permanent hair extensions (just to name a few).

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:22 am

“if he wants you, he just wants you.”

:D

To go futher (and possibly to Monday’s topic), I do wonder if that can sustain a relationship long term tho. Wonder if you wake up and realize one day that you like being around a person, but you want them to pull their own weight a bit more.

Overthinking I know!

DJ Sniper

May 20th, 2009
11:22 am

Where are they offering these sex classes? I’m sure they need a test subject for the students to try their skills on. Time to harness the power of Google!

*searching the far ends of the internet to find sex classes in Atlanta*

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
11:22 am

Hey Lioness….Girl I have been doing a bit of traveling..and losing money (gambling). Yeah I know sad. But I’s heres now!

Melo

May 20th, 2009
11:23 am

maybe you need to take a look at yourself”

W8,U took the wrds outa my mouth.Sme single pple on this board here dont wanna look in the mirror.
They deem themsleves close to perfect,ready to be plucked.If anything is wrong,they surmise,it has to be him :arrow:
Self deception at best.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
11:24 am

At the end of the day…What makes you unique to your mate..what makes your mate unique to you?

LIONESS-I LOVE all of my Fruits!

May 20th, 2009
11:24 am

Blow Me- :)

Question: Why do some women have to get dolled(sp? up to go the grocery store?

I appreciate a man that shows interest in me when I am not dressed up..

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
11:26 am

Amred – Just be the best YOU! You know when you are in the presence of a real man that loves you and is stepping up to the plate with you.

Like I remarked before, I gave the bare-bones basics to others in the past, because that’s all I felt I was getting. But with my SO, like you said, play time is over. I am naturally a giving person, giving of my time and skills and emotion. With this one, I don’t hold back. What is natural is coming forth naturally. Now yes, there are a few things that only a husband will benefit from. I instinctively know what those things are – like the laundry for instance. But he does not need me to do laundry cause he does that anyway for himself and the kids.

A great person just makes you want to do better! They bring out the best in you!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:26 am

Sme single pple on this board here dont wanna look in the mirror.
They deem themsleves close to perfect,ready to be plucked.If anything is wrong,they surmise,it has to be him

melo – Why don’t you name names since you can make such an accusation.

I’ve been on this board a while, and though many of us may be feeling ourselves from time to time, just about everyone has shared stories or admitted that they are works in progress.

So who are the perfect clueless people who need mirrors? :D

KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

May 20th, 2009
11:26 am

The bottom line is to do things to improve who you are as a person…NOT to impress someone else! If he/she doesn’t like who you are, then simply allow him/her to be excused from your life. Life is too short to keep trying to impress people who don’t have your best interest in mind.

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
11:27 am

ARED- You are dancing around the point. I mention that in that in my top of the morning post. Making YOURSELF better not for someone to soley benefit off of it. But for YOURSELF. Taking a home depot class for YOUR home is a benefit for you FIRST. Not to impress others like a pole class or a sex class. I can see a cooking class or art class…that I can understand.

Taking a pole class has no substance but to show for a man.

You comparing clappin ya azz to him learning how to change the hot water heater for his HOME!! Totally different!

I know you are smart than that…they are not one in the same.And you know it. lmao!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:27 am

A great person just makes you want to do better! They bring out the best in you!

Kimmie – Amen. You know for the longest time you think you are “ready” to go the distance and then you meet someone who opens you to an entirely different realm of possibilities.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
11:28 am

@Melo- Yup, I mean it’s simple..if someone keeps attracting the same type of people…ummm…lol

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
11:29 am

but you want them to pull their own weight a bit more

Amazon that’s where it gets tricky. IMO every one should want their relationship to grow and be better, however in some instances you knew what you were getting when you got it. That’s why communication is a major factor in relationships.

If it’s an issue state it upfront. This “imma live with it until I can’t live with it” just makes for resentment and what comes off as nagging. If buddy is not pulling as much weight as you think he should or that he really should then express that up front. Don’t go in hoping they will just change because 9 times out of 10 they won’t. We never do.

If it’s a problem say so and hopefully the person is willing to work on it as your established mate. But don’t accept it upfront and then wake up one morning and all of a sudden it’s a problem.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:30 am

Taking a pole class has no substance but to show for a man. </i.

Blow – We’ll have to agree to disagree.

I took pole dancing classes for a YEAR and they are ALSO fitness and lifestyle classes. I got better tone in my body, better flexiblity and more grace and style.

If all you see is clapping azz, then no, you won’t see any other purpose than to benefit a man. I can’t help you with that if that is all you see. Sorry. *shrugs*

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
11:31 am

I do wonder if that can sustain a relationship long term tho. Wonder if you wake up and realize one day that you like being around a person

ARed – Don’t go into with those notions. If he wanted you in the first place he’s going to pull his weight to keep you. And you are going naturally do the same.

And why do i feel like you’re playin’ with this thing just to rattle some cages?…cause i know you know it happens naturally.

How come i cain’t get cooking and pole class on a BOGO special? My babysitter is not going to service me for 10 hours straight on a 2.50 salary.

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
11:32 am

Melo – Let me ask you this – did you jump thru any hoops to get your Queen? From all I’ve read, seems she had to accept The Melo as he was, warts and all and fall in line with The Melo’s program.

While none of us is perfect, we all want someone to accept us as is – in the perfect way God made us. Some may have issues they need to work on that may open up new options for them, otherwise we all want the person that wants what we’re selling. What you may see as a fault in someone makes them just right for someone else. You have no right to sit back & judge us singles!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:33 am

Raqi – Loved your 11:29. I do see a tricky balance there.

I can “do me” til the cows come home but that doesn’t mean it will guarantee a relationship that stands the test of time. Yeah, it’s his fault if I’m lazy and he allows me to be lazy, but why would I rest on that when I know I could be doing more to make my relationship better.

Great points. Thanks.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
11:33 am

@Lioness-
Question: “Why do some women have to get dolled(sp? up to go the grocery store?
I appreciate a man that shows interest in me when I am not dressed up..”

It’s a personal preference..I appreciate that in a woman, to not leave the house looking disheveled…I know I am going to flamed for this..well maybe not..I cant stand a woman in timberlands or one who wears tennis shoes..unless we are doing something athletic, going to the park or she is pregnant..but then again thats just my preference.

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 20th, 2009
11:35 am

I’d rather get a man w/my mind, character, morals, quest for life than get one because I got a boob job, liposuction or sewn in permanent hair extensions (just to name a few).

Leggs you said it. Also someone posted an interesting question “What are they doing to get with us?” I would never put myself through all of that to get a man…it’s almost like you’re saying “Well geeze, I’m not good enough as I am so I need to enhance my marketability in order to get someone to like me”.

Growth and change is an inevitable part of life but if it’s done for the wrong reason then there is always the chance that the person you’re trying to catch/snag/impress will see you as a fraud of sorts b/c you’re presenting to them you “new found” skills not who YOU really are.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
11:35 am

Taking a cooking or home improvement class to meet someone with shared interest is different than taking such classes to impress upon someone or make you appear more interesting or attractive.

Elijah

May 20th, 2009
11:35 am

What’s up peeps?

I co-sign with Melo 9:48 post! Once we are dating and or are married we need to continue to improve or add to our repetoire! I believe we need to learn other skills andtry new ideas will continue to enhance us in the eyes of our SO!

Ladies Always mention that want their SO to try something new so why not learn something new! The same ole gets boring after sometime.

MissQC

May 20th, 2009
11:36 am

GOOD LUCK TO MIKE VICK :)

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:37 am

And why do i feel like you’re playin’ with this thing just to rattle some cages?…

:rolls: Who knows Cemeeli?

I stated earlier that sometimes you get so used to flying solo that you forget your natural instincts. Or maybe they are just surpressed.

But no, I’m not off trying to rattle cages today.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
11:38 am

I took a date to a Tuscan cooking class together it was fun..we both already knew how to cook..but we just wanted to try something different..point I am making is if you are adding new books to your library do them together…although ladies if you find a man that wants to take pole dancing classes with you…you might want to re-evaluate things…lmao

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
11:40 am

Elijah doing something for a mate and doing something to get a mate are totally different.

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 20th, 2009
11:40 am

OOMPAH LOOMPAH….OOMPAH LOOMPAH!!!! :)

Okay carry on……

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:41 am

although ladies if you find a man that wants to take pole dancing classes with you…you might want to re-evaluate things…lmao

:lol:

I’ve heard of some studios that do offer co-ed classes. I really don’t want to see that!

LIONESS-I LOVE all of my Fruits!

May 20th, 2009
11:41 am

W8- Disheveled & not dressed TO ME are two different things..

although ladies if you find a man that wants to take pole dancing classes with you…you might want to re-evaluate things…– Might?? lol

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 20th, 2009
11:42 am

I don’t a man would put himself through all this crap to get a woman. So I see no reason for a woman to do it. If I join a pole class or whatever I am doing it because I want to and it’s fun for me….not for the entertainment of some dude. I maintain my appearance for me…I dress for me and that is who is really important. If these things happen to attract a guy…cool. If not..oh the hell well! Live to please yourself…not others. I hate to cook…so you will not find me in a cooking class. I know to make things for myself. But will I go above and beyond to become a Cuisine Queen for anybody other than myself….hellz no! :lol: They always put pressure on women to stay beautiful for your man/hubby. Heck that works both ways. Bald spots and beer bellies are not cute. I can get the wandering eye
just like a dude….I can lose attraction too! Start lifting weights and not steaks dude!

RAQI…I love pregnant belly dancers. It’s so cute. You should do it now. One dances with me now and I love to watch her do belly rolls.

LIONESS-I LOVE all of my Fruits!

May 20th, 2009
11:42 am

Sassy- I kind of feel the same way.. LOL! Might go shopping now :)

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
11:43 am

Ared- I guess its acceptable because its you. It’s funny how ppl get when the spotlights on them. I will venture out to say MOST ppl do think about STRIPPERS when they take pole dancing class. EROTIC. and I will venture out to say you are clapping you azz in class…lmao!

Lioness- Yeah I have to agree…its depends on what I am doing. Yes I will run to the store with no make up and looking a mess. Around my house girl I can look a hot one…scarf on my head, no make up, pale ashy looking. Girl I gotta get loose. But I will run to the store just for juice with no make up on sans the scarf though. Now thats just ghetto!

LIONESS-I LOVE all of my Fruits!

May 20th, 2009
11:43 am

Staceye- You might have seen this already but I know you love this song.. Talented young man.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGbOuZww14g&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Ftheybf%2Ecom%2F&feature=player_embedded

Melo

May 20th, 2009
11:43 am

So who are the perfect clueless people who need mirrors?

Certainly not u.
But i dont wanna be nuclear struck coz sme may have other intentions other than looking for a long term mate.So ill tread with caution about naming names.
If u read back,u may glean what I deduced.
When u decided to get ur degree, i know u were doing it 4 u.But some guys find u attractive coz of ur accomplishements,well spokenness etc.Its the same way i see it with dating etc.
U gotta luv to improve oneself so u can be an all round better person in area u deem urself short.
That all-roundedness is attractive,apparently!

Leggs

May 20th, 2009
11:44 am

Yes, Good Luck to Michael Vick!!!!!

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 20th, 2009
11:45 am

Ladies Always mention that want their SO to try something new so why not learn something new! The same ole gets boring after sometime.

Elijah I agree that ever relationship needs some “spice” to keep it fresh and exciting…that’s where a pole dancing or cooking class could come in.

W8 Tuscan cooking sounds like fun and I think couple activities can also enhance the relationship as well….a very good idea in fact.

LIONESS-I LOVE all of my Fruits!

May 20th, 2009
11:45 am

Blow-LOL @ ->I will venture out to say you are clapping you azz in class

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
11:47 am

RAQI right on point with 11:40. Some ppl seem to not be able to get that…

LEGGS…They got sewn in perm hair extensions?!?!?!??!

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
11:49 am

W8 – I actually kinda see your point in your 11:33. It is a personal preference.

I’m a girly-girl. I love to dress beautifully, have my hair looking fly and wear light makeup. I love shoes, as Sister Cee and others can attest to my confessed shoe passion! Having said that, I take pride in how I look and how I step out of the house. That’s the way I was brought up. I’ve met the greatest people just in the grocery store or at the gas station. The few times I have run into men and not looked my best – well it worked out okay, but I was still embarrassed. I’m not into that totally natural, “I live in the woods” look. I’m more a glamour girl-lite. Not over-the-top, I let the natural beauty shine thru. But no, greasy face, undone hair, rusty leggs & feet, tired clothes and general unkeptness is not cute to me.

I don’t even hang around my man’s house looking bummified. I’m comfortable, but I still look cute. It can be done.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:49 am

and I will venture out to say you are clapping you azz in class…lmao!

Actually, I don’t. I still don’t know how to do that. It’s not a focus of the class. Though they do have a specific class on how to shake your booty. I haven’t taken it yet.

One other benefit to the class is the cool women I’ve met while taking it. What’s up Foots! :)

You are right, strippers = pole dancing. But just because one takes classes does not mean they’re trying to impress some man. The benefits of the classes far outweighed any benefit a man would get, especially since I have yet to dance for one, and I was dating somebody while I was taking them. *shrugs*

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
11:49 am

@Ared/Lioness- Co-ed pole dancing? Ewwwwww..

@Staceye-”Heck that works both ways. Bald spots and beer bellies are not cute. I can get the wandering eye
just like a dude….I can lose attraction too! Start lifting weights and not steaks dude!”

Yup..but I think people should workout for themselves not for others..I’ve been asked by woman i’ve dated..”What if I get fat?” I tell her that wouldnt happen, because I care to much about you for you to get that way and will workout with you…she says what if i dont..I say how can I care about you when you’ve stop caring about yourself…just another one of my perfect imperfections…lol..but I’m comfortable with me..lmao

For Real

May 20th, 2009
11:50 am

If a chick is making life changing decision to make herself more attractive to men then I view that chick as a Freaky Jason Chick. If a chick is making life changing decision to improve herself then I have much respect for that chick.

The first two quotes I read from the blog ladies are:

“I decided that I am pretty much too lazy to be that pressed about getting a man and maybe that is my problem.”

“my mother…yeah my mom taught me to be presentable, approachable, but not always available when it comes to men. No jumping thru hoops or performing tricks just to get a man.”

Now I haven’t read all of the other post but I’m sure it’s filled with “what the hell is the man doing” stuff. My point is women are sitting back waiting on the dude to jump thru the same hoops which they themselves wouldn’t do. What kind of logic is that? Buss your azz for me but I ain’t finna do ish just to get a man. And I don’t want to hear the “Right Man” BS but don’t no one know if someone is right until the end because you can’t make an accurate assessment about a person with a fraction of the information.

Another point I want to make, women are always talking about the girlfriend experience that men want. What about the wife experience that women want. I might be wrong but I believe most women don’t think of themselves as a “Real Girlfriend” until she gets the rights of a Wife. So, do women go out looking for the “Wife Experience”? Should a man bestow all the rights and privileges of a “Wife” on a girlfriend?

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:52 am

When u decided to get ur degree, i know u were doing it 4 u.But some guys find u attractive coz of ur accomplishements,well spokenness etc.Its the same way i see it with dating etc.
U gotta luv to improve oneself so u can be an all round better person in area u deem urself short.
That all-roundedness is attractive,apparently!

melo – I’m liking your words today!

If u read back,u may glean what I deduced.

;)

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
11:54 am

Bummified.. WOW! LOL!

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
11:54 am

Staceye had I started out doing it from the beginning it probably would be a big benefit now. She is starting to get heavy and I can feel it in my lower back. From having learned the moves it definitely could have help strengthening and flexing those hips and lower back muscles.

Le Siren

May 20th, 2009
11:55 am

I understand why some of you ladies feel that a man should “like you for you” and I agree with that. However, if we’re honest, we’d admit to ourselves that most of us have a whole list of attributes that we want our potential boyfriend, husband, ect. to have. Knowing this, why wouldn’t we want to improve our skills in various areas as well?
I personally strive to make myself a better woman and make myself more “marketable”. Yes, I take pole, go-go, and bellydance classes. My mother is the best culinary instructor ever and I pay CLOSE

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
11:55 am

For Real – Please go sit down. And read the rest of the posts so you can get where these blog ladies, with healthy self-esteem, are coming from.

Melo

May 20th, 2009
11:55 am

Let me ask you this – did you jump thru any hoops to get your Queen? From all I’ve read, seems she had to accept The Melo as he was, warts and all and fall in line with The Melo’s program.

my 11.43 to Ared can provide u with the answers if u flip it.
I jumped thru hoops growing up with my grandma and grandpa and them teaching me stuff growing up.I apreciate them teaching me the dignity of labor and hard wrk.Dad and mom send me to school to be who iam today.It has proven to be good for me on the job market.
That hard work ethic,at home and in official settings has made me to be a good husband,wait,good King,father and work mate at work.I was doing that for me but apparently Queen found that attaractive too.Im sure if i dint cut my grass myself,not fatherly to my kids,rock it in the bedrm etc,those wld have been subjects of a major conference. :grin:
And as i have journeyed on in my zulu kingdom, i have continiued to seek wisdom about how to keep the ambers burning.
The bottom line:If i hadnt been who iam, i cld have been attractive to some other hoe woman but maybe not as classy as Queen.And i proly wld have been the subject of one or several of u here,having dated a certain mandingo around town(A) who didnt have a clue on some things.See??
Those are the hoops.
I didnt jump thru them to catch Queen but jumping thru them was necessary for me to get Queen.
DO I make sense?

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 20th, 2009
11:56 am

Micheal Vick I still heart youuuuuuuu! :)

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:56 am

I don’t even hang around my man’s house looking bummified. I’m comfortable, but I still look cute. It can be done

kimmie – Good point. I guess that’s something I do to impress a man. Because I will look bummy around the house, but I won’t if I have company. I’m not talking about sexy lingerie or anything, but I might do boy shorts cuz they look sexier when normally I’m in boxers or sweats.

I don’t mind being nude in either instance tho (alone or with company) so that is one thing that stays consistant.

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
11:59 am

For real- Its not about we are not willing. I am gonna work on myself but I will not acquire skills that are solely to gain a man.

Learning to better myself and clearing up issues…is for ME and also a better relationship with anyone in general

taking a sex or a pole class…strictly to get a man is a bit much.

This is what we are saying. Of course better yourself for YOURSELF and not just for a man. Thats the bottomline point.

Men are not taking classes…JUST to get a woman. They are not.

Melo

May 20th, 2009
11:59 am

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
12:00 pm

Le Siren- I feel you BUT why do it for the man and not for yourself.. Your own good? Yes, some women have some unrealistic views of the type of man they want or will only date BUT that should bring them back to self. You only attract the same type of individual you are.. Improve yourself for self and then everything will follow..

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
12:01 pm

Le Siren – No one in here is saying they would not want to do things to improve on themselves. Most are already doing it. Quite a few have taken belly-dancing and pole classes. One has a pole in her home. Quite a few, including myself, can cook quite well, and make money doing it.

What we are saying is that if you feel like you HAVE to take dance lessons, cooking lessons and submit to plastic surgery to CATCH a man and COMPETE with other women, then that’s just sad!

Yes improve and make better for you and maybe to spice up the relationship you have! Nothing wrong with that and that’s not the issue of the topic.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
12:02 pm

@Kimmie_ I loved your post
@Ared- I dont know why you and your pole are getting so much flack today..nothing wrong with adding a little spice…

Le Siren

May 20th, 2009
12:02 pm

attention…and I’m alll about stepping up my bedroom skills! Ladies in the dating game in Atlanta know that competition is fierce…and that’s just for the average ones! If you want to attract and retain a quality man, you MUST be a quality woman.

Disclaimer: I know that it takes ALOT more than cooking, bedroom, and dancing skills to make a woman high quality, however, those extracurricular activities can only improve an already great thing!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
12:04 pm

however, those extracurricular activities can only improve an already great thing!however, those extracurricular activities can only improve an already great thing

Word. :lol:

East Point's Own

May 20th, 2009
12:05 pm

FYI: In Europe men taking pole dancing classes is gaining popularity… but you won’t see me doing and pole tricks in this lifetime.

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
12:06 pm

For REal- LOL!

When did dating a MAN become so difficult? I am lost!

Elijah

May 20th, 2009
12:06 pm

@Sassy now I am jealous you just stated you still Heart Mick Vick too! I thought you only hearted me! :LoL:

Men need to look the part when out also, the honeys will always give you conversation if you are looking tight when you are out!

I guess the dating world is going haywire if anyone thinks adding pole dancing to the repotoire will get a man! Now adding it after you have establish a relationship is most execellent!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
12:07 pm

Start lifting weights and not steaks dude!

:lol: Too funny Staceye!

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
12:08 pm

Everyone working on the wrong things..What they need to be working on is the screwed up issues that spew and toxify a relationship.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
12:08 pm

lol@ all of the pole dancing issues..I am still not seeing where anyone said that they were taking the classes to “get” a man..and the guy pole dancing..is not for me…now I will flip the script and strip for my lady out of the blue…just because she is special

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
12:09 pm

@Lioness- Dating a man is not difficult…do you want to go out on a date before you leave town this weekend?

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
12:09 pm

Trust LIONESS…you are NOT the LOST ONE!! LMAO!

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
12:10 pm

Melo – I totally get you. All you went thru made you the man that you are today and worthy of such a Queen.

But you said essentially what we’ve all been saying.

I had in a mother what you would probably consider a Queen. She was the epitome of class, beauty and humility. On her obituary it said “A Most Gratious Lady”. She was loved not only by our family, but many others in the community. The pastor said “Atlanta lost a princess today”. That’s the kind of example I had growing up. She’s a tough act to follow, but I’m trying my best. Making her proud up in heaven!

Now are there things I can improve on – yes! Mom was not perfect and neither am I. But the SO I have attracted is hopefully my future King – the equivalent of your Queen! He is attracted to the woman I AM today!

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
12:10 pm

Oh yeah I have to give a formal “Hello” to my Dawg Kimmie!

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
12:12 pm

W8 – Woof Woof!!!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
12:12 pm

Yup..but I think people should workout for themselves not for others..

I’ll admit I constantly struggle with this. Cuz I don’t want to workout for myself, yet. Thought I know I should start now to make it easier.

I do like being fit and I want to stay active, so I look to alternate forms of fitness. That’s why the pole classes worked for me. They were fun, great tone/cardio and certainly not boring!

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
12:13 pm

@Kimmie- Sic’Em!!!!!!!

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
12:13 pm

@ W8 & Kimmie – While yall barking like a dog. What’s for lunch?

I’m sitting here waiting for the lunch crew to come up with something….

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
12:13 pm

W8- Awww.. Can I wear sneakers?

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
12:14 pm

@Ared- as long as you are fit and active you are doing your body good

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
12:14 pm

I am still not seeing where anyone said that they were taking the classes to “get” a man

W8 – Yeah, but apparently we are not to be believed with that. :roll: :lol:

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
12:14 pm

ForReal are you not one of the very men that is here every day talking about a man that changes or jumps thru hoops for a woman is a cashmere kitty? Now you are saying me do it all the time. Which is it?

Are the normal things that guys have to offer considered jumping thru hoops to you? Does being gainfully employed, responsible, fun and level headed get put in the “man hoops” category in your book?

Or is refraining from scratching your balls in public considered a trick or jumping thru hoops. LOL

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
12:15 pm

awww Kimmie Your mom was a sweet. Like mother like daughter.

Sorry, i read from the bottom, up.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
12:15 pm

as long as you are fit and active you are doing your body good

W8 – I haven’t worked out at all in 2009, quite honestly, but I’m going to “keep doing what I’ve been doing” til I get something I don’t want to get. :lol:

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
12:16 pm

@Lioness-I dont eat at places for dinner where you can wear sneakers
@Ce- I had French Chicken and Asparagus for lunch..

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
12:16 pm

W8- I won’t wear sneakers if you do this for me–>now I will flip the script and strip for my lady out of the blue…just because she is special

OF COURSE I will go out with you this weekend :) My cupcake has been DYING to meet you ;)

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
12:18 pm

@Raqi- lmao
@Ared_ SmartAzz..lol

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
12:19 pm

Lioness – Say “Can i wear tennis shoes?”

Translations and phonics didn’t work in College Park Schools. :smile:

Tatto Season???<—Okay i’ll wait til after lunch to get with you on that.

!In a minute folks.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
12:20 pm

@Lioness- um you have to have some time in grade before I strip.cuz I’m a honest hoe…lmao

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
12:20 pm

In Europe men taking pole dancing classes is gaining popularity…

EPO – In Europe it’s a true fitness craze. They’re trying to even make in into an Olympic sport, kind of along the rhythmic gymnastics realm. A pole can be just another aparatus to do tricks and spins on.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
12:23 pm

@Ce- she wearing sneakers..she dont eat..lmao

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
12:23 pm

W8- Cute but I need something to remember you by while on my trip..

Tmac

May 20th, 2009
12:24 pm

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

that is why you are single and will be so. But not many woman are “single and happy” for a while, they want a man, they need a man and do whatever it takes to have one

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
12:25 pm

@Ared_ SmartAzz..lol

W8 – As Mary J says: “I can only be meeeee!!!” :lol:

That was one of my moms first nicknames for me. :lol:

Married until proven Single!

May 20th, 2009
12:25 pm

good morning all!

imo i think a lady should keep doing what she was doing BEFORE she got her man. he liked what he saw, right? don’t break what is not broken.

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
12:25 pm

Gangster Tmac is back..

W8- I have a sweet tooth

mytw♥cents

May 20th, 2009
12:26 pm

RAQI You did the dance of the & veils, girl? Cute. What’s funny is that our classes started out with a lecture about how learning was NOT about being sexy for some man. And yes, a helluva workout..

I. have gotten tired of denouncing the FWB–>GF—>>WIFE Bermuda triangle many of us get caught up in by trying so hard to give dudes what they want when they won’t give you what you need. It’s another way folks seek validation outside of themselves which sets em up for failure.

People really do pay lots for those workshops n sessions too. Silly when they could figure it all out for free and/or may not have anyone worthwhile to hone their skills on after graduation.

Married until proven Single!

May 20th, 2009
12:26 pm

don’t fix! ooops. lol.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
12:27 pm

@Lioness- I can let you pay the bill..you’d remember that right..lmao
@Ared- I can see that..lol
@Married til single- Good point

DJ Sniper

May 20th, 2009
12:28 pm

Men taking pole dancing classes? What in the name of all things black and holy is going on with that nonsense?!?!?! No dude worth his balls should want to slide down a pole. Ever. Did I mention ever?

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 20th, 2009
12:29 pm

@Sassy now I am jealous you just stated you still Heart Mick Vick too! I thought you only hearted me!

Elijah I do heart you cat daddy :lol: It’s just that I think Mike could use some more support from the AA community. Ryan Cameron made a good point yesterday on V-103 during his show…a young lady called the show wanting to know why T.I was being “glorified” for going to prison(V103 is giving away tickets to his last concert) and as Ryan was making his point he said that the same way Tip did what he had to do(community service) and was still supported, therefore now that Mike has served his time he needs our support as well. That’s all.

Elijah you’re still my #1 :)

East Point's Own

May 20th, 2009
12:29 pm

AmazonRed It still ain’t right… it just ain’t right. Tell me what kind of outfit would a dude wear and maintian his masculinity with his sac squeezed between his thigh and a brass pole?

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
12:29 pm

@my.02- I don’t like it when a woman is trying overly hard..I mean I want her to show interest but not be overbearing..its a two way street

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
12:30 pm

W8- I guess that didn’t last too long.. MEN..

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 20th, 2009
12:32 pm

OOMPAH LOOMPAH!!!

I don’t know what’s wrong with me..it’s like I have Turret’s or something

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
12:32 pm

imo i think a lady should keep doing what she was doing BEFORE she got her man. he liked what he saw, right? don’t break what is not broken.

Angie – But do you think that can sustain a relationship over time? Relationships call for greater responsibility. As a wife, you should be doing more than as a girlfriend. Same for you when you become a mother.

I mean, you can live the same life you lived as a single, but I don’t think the husband and kids would appreciate it as much. Deeper commitments call for deeper responsibility. IMO.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
12:34 pm

@DJ/EastPoint- ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..lol

about Vick: I support him he made a mistake did his time..etc etc..I just dont like him as our quarterback for game reasons..I like Matt Ryan I even like Schuab before he left..my favorite QB for the Falcons is D.J….GO DAWGS!!!

But serioulsly if Ray Lewis can bounce back after getting away with murder then becoming NFL MVP and wining a Super Bowl Vick can bounce back from this..

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
12:35 pm

Tell me what kind of outfit would a dude wear and maintian his masculinity with his sac squeezed between his thigh and a brass pole?

EPO – One of those tight Under Armour shorts and some biking shorts? Man, I don’t know! I’m not advocating it at all. But if you look at some of the European videos, it’s more like a body building competition then something you’d see at Magic City. Very fitness oriented. I haven’t seen the guys do it. Only heard of it. :lol:

There have been a couple of scenes in the show “The Game” where the guys have jokingly pole danced.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
12:35 pm

@LIoness- the sneakers threw me for a loop..lol

Melo

May 20th, 2009
12:36 pm

Silly when they could figure it all out for free and/or may not have anyone worthwhile to hone their skills on after graduation

yeah,thats kinda negative mentality.
Nothing in lyfe is guaranteed.Its like training to be a nurse and then finding out that there arent any jobs after u done.
Thats lyfe.

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
12:39 pm

W8- LOL! Sneakers.. The amount of shoes I have.. SMDH! Matter of fact, I am about to see what Perimeter mall has to offer me.. Can’t wait to shop in Vegas

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
12:41 pm

Silly when they could figure it all out for free and/or may not have anyone worthwhile to hone their skills on after graduation

I missed that quote earlier. Thanks melo.

Just goes back to the point that you should do these types of things for you. It’s your money. People pay a a lot of money for things that seem “silly” to others and may not benefit anyone else in the long run.

Wise Diva

May 20th, 2009
12:41 pm

“Everyone working on the wrong things..What they need to be working on is the screwed up issues that spew and toxify a relationship”. <—-PREACH!

I was thinking that too, some should go to see a THERAPIST before you hit the pole, seriously!

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
12:42 pm

Personally, I want to take pole dancing classes to see if I can do it. Ever since I saw Toccara do it on Celebrity Fit Club I’ve wanted to take a class. I’m competitive like that, just like I’m training for this 5k just to see if I can do it. I have no desire to become a marathon runner or anything like that.

Poppa Grande

May 20th, 2009
12:42 pm

In Europe men taking pole dancing classes is gaining popularity…

Men wearing pantyhose is also gaining popularity (especially in England), but doesn’t mean that it will spread here.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
12:45 pm

@Ared- All of those guys on “The Game” seem suspect except for Jason…lol

@WiseDiva-”I was thinking that too, some should go to see a THERAPIST before you hit the pole, seriously!”

…and that is not just limited to the stripper pole…………..

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
12:45 pm

Well damn Wise Diva. I felt some bass in those keystrokes. :lol:

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 20th, 2009
12:45 pm

LIONESS…already got a dance to it girl! :lol: I heard it in the car and starting choreography while driving!

RAQI…you are right about that. You can do the moves while seated now. It will help strengthen the muscles.

KIMMIE…my mami taught me not to even go to the bodega without fixing myself up. She got stuck in the elevator one time aftre leaving the bodega and when the firemne pulled her out…the keot saying how she smelled good and was so pretty. She just went to get a 6 pack. Granted by teh time they took her out she had drank half of it! :lol: But never the less she had on a denim skirt, flip flops and tank top…with perfume,lipstick and most importantly…clean knickers on! :LOL: The roughest you will see me look is when I am leaving the gym.

TMAC…”that is why you are single and will be so”…you dayum straight son!

“But not many woman are “single and happy” for a while, they want a man, they need a man and do whatever it takes to have one”..yes I am aware of the pathetic desperate women who NEED a man! A person should not NEED anybody but God. Now desire & want are fine!

NY2GA, Inc. (aka BrassKnuckles)

May 20th, 2009
12:46 pm

Well, I have seen a male stripper on a pole before. I was speechless. I didn’t know you could…and…then…and…

Woohoo!
:)

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
12:46 pm

@PG- Yeah what’s up with the selling of men’s panty hose and girdles? Man, what is this world coming to?

DJ Sniper

May 20th, 2009
12:47 pm

Some of ya’ll have brought up Mike Vick and his redemption. I’m another one who hopes he can get his life back in order now that he’s out of prison. ESPN.com had a very good story yesterday about how Vick trusted all the wrong people; people who really didn’t have his best interest at heart. Hopefully he has learned who should and should not be allowed in his inner circle.

W8, I truly believe that Vick would not be as vilified had he been accused of murder, rape, or any other crime against another human being. You know our society(i.e. white folks) loves their dogs, almost to a point of obsession. I’m a dog owner and I don’t agree at all with what he did, but damn, some people act like he killed the Pope. Let’s not even begin to discuss those nutjob animal rights activists who will probably be protesting from now till eternity should Vick get signed by another NFL team.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
12:48 pm

Personally, I want to take pole dancing classes to see if I can do it. Ever since I saw Toccara do it on Celebrity Fit Club I’ve wanted to take a class.

Tazzee – If you’re serious let me know and I’d love to go with you to an intro class. The intro classes are free and come with a demonstration just to show you what it’s all about.

I had some friends who were doing it in DC but then I saw “Kelly Pitts” do it on “The Game” and I really wanted to try. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

LOL @ W8 – Jason and Malik were the two characters that did the pole dancing. Why do they have to be suspect? :lol:

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
12:49 pm

I think ALL male strippers a suspect! When I get married, my girlfriends know NOT to get me a stripper.. The only man I want stripping for me is my man :)

DJ Sniper

May 20th, 2009
12:53 pm

W8, there’s a lot of shyt that’s being marketed towards men that’s just suspect as hell: girdles, pantyhose, man purses, etc etc. I think I saw something where they sell men’s bras over in Japan. WTF to the 34th power?!?!?!?!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
12:55 pm

think I saw something where they sell men’s bras over in Japan. WTF to the 34th power?!?!?!?!

:lol: Dang it. That just tells you that man boobs are okay. They’re never okay! :lol:

Elijah

May 20th, 2009
12:56 pm

@Sassy- I agree I will support Mike Vick entry back into society with full previleges!
From what I can tell the ATL folks are most definitely behind MV!

@Raqi I agree in regards to dating you can only be yourself when you cross that road of heading toward a deeper relationship then we can start the adding of le pole dancing skillz! :smile:

@Tmac tell us how you really think about the Mamba!

Poppa Grande

May 20th, 2009
12:57 pm

We throw the words “Do You” around so nonchalantly that it gets lost in the shuffle of life.

Forget what Cosmo, Essence, Ebony, Jet, Woman’s Day, O, etc. tell ya.

“Do you” is that is required. Someone will love you for you. You must live and experience life in order to find that person. This actually requires meeting and dating. No mate is gonna just appear into your life. Get involved with things that interest you. For example, I have a co-worker that recently met a man at the Susan G. Komen Walk around Mother’s Day. That opens up the door and you already have something in common. One of my best friends met his wife during a Hands On Atlanta event.

But they were doing what they wanted aka doing them. It wasn’t something forced. Forced things are like playing charades. It is just an act. You can’t keep an act up forever. Whether it is minutes or years, you are gonna crack at some point.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
12:58 pm

AmRed – I’m dead serious, but first I’m going to finish my 6 months with my personal trainer. Another thing I signed up for because I wanted to see if I can do it. I hate for someone to tell me what to do, so it’s been a challenge, LOL. And he’s a young dude so that makes it even worse. But I get up at 4:30 every Tuesday and Thursday to endure.

I’ll be finished with him in August, so I’ll be looking to go to a class then.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
1:00 pm

Amazon imma have to agree with W8 on this one. There is only one pole that I need/desire my man to have between his legs.

East Point's Own

May 20th, 2009
1:00 pm

All you people interested in pole classes support my people here http://poledance411.com/

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
1:02 pm

AmRed – I’m dead serious, but first I’m going to finish my 6 months with my personal trainer.

I’ll be finished with him in August, so I’ll be looking to go to a class then.

Tazzee – That is a good plan. I want to take classes again, but I want to get my arm strength up better before I do. Skills in the class would require less effort if I did a little strength training first.

I’m going to remind you in August! (If we’re still on here :lol: )

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
1:02 pm

Raqi- LAWD! I will keep my comment to myself.. I DO AGREE!!!

Poppa Grande

May 20th, 2009
1:04 pm

W8

Yeah what’s up with the selling of men’s panty hose and girdles? Man, what is this world coming to?

It is called Sissification.

Married until proven Single!

May 20th, 2009
1:05 pm

thanks W8!

@AMAZON
with me personally, what you see is what you get (this doesn’t pertain to ev1). men see all of my qualities as a gf, wife, mother. how do i know this you ask? i’ve been told. i know what needs to be done in the home, with the kids, keeping hubby happy.

the thing is, i’m not willing to put in all that work for just anyone. the man has to be special. and the man has to definitely protect, provide and set the panties on fiyah!

Married until proven Single!

May 20th, 2009
1:09 pm

i clicked on MTO and seen LL COOL J’s son on a pole. it didn’t look right. my gaydar went off. only women look good/sexy swirlin’ around the pole!

Poppa Grande

May 20th, 2009
1:10 pm

I, too, wish Mike Vick well. He had to get some bought sense about being careful in choosing your associates. He had more to lose than them. He lost it. He has paid dearly for his mistake.

He had to live the real life version of Dave Chappelle’s skit “When keeping it real goes wrong”.

Word is that NE is seriously thinking about him. I think that it would be the perfect place. Where ever he goes will have to endure media distraction. Bellichick doesn’t play and can handle them. Veteran team can handle it.

Also with Matt Cassel gone, there is no experienced backup for Brady.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
1:13 pm

Man Bra’s WTF? Dman right sissyfication..LOL@ the dude who has a lady ready for the session…but hold on a sec..( he takes off his bra, girdle and panty hose..only to reveal his severe case of d*ck do)

@Raqi- uhohh you are agreeing with me..lol

@Married-til-Single-No problem

On Mike Vick you know he has teamed up with the Human Society now to help them campaign against dog fighting:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/05/19/vick.humane.society/index.html

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
1:13 pm

Poopa…Pooba….Come on Cee, say it PoppaG.

“It wasn’t something forced. Forced things are like playing charades. It is just an act. You can’t keep an act up forever. Whether it is minutes or years, you are gonna crack at some point.

Did you just say “DO YOU” again? Lol…

What up? I’m sooo not enjoying coming back to work from lunch. ugh…i want to go back outside.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
1:14 pm

@PG- Think of these other teams also..San Fran..Saint Louis..or maybe even Jacksonville

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
1:15 pm

Before getting hitched my marido never told me I was a good girlfriend or that I would make a good wife. He just asked me to marry him.

Now he did state on many occasions that I am a good mother. Some of those occasions were heartfelt sincere sentiments coming from him and some were just a tactic to get in my panties good graces.

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
1:15 pm

Question: Is it ok for a woman to date a man that is legally seperated from his wife?

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
1:16 pm

Jamoca will you please FEDEX ship me down to the beach with you. I am having withdrawls!!!

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
1:16 pm

M'

May 20th, 2009
1:16 pm

Well, I still believe that the perception of Vick’s criminal charges were much more harshly scrutinized because he was brother…a few months back the Virgian-Pilot ran a one time article about some dude who was arrested for dog fighting charges as well…but that cae hardly hit the news and very few ppl even noticed it for it cause an uproar…and it soon died out…hmmmm….and type of “criminal” conduct…no news follow ups about it.

NY2GA, Inc. (aka BrassKnuckles)

May 20th, 2009
1:17 pm

The pole technician I saw wasn’t “swirlin’” on the pole. I’ll just say that the pole offers some interesting opportunities for “positioning” when you have a partner. :)

The Truth-Wearing plaid pants and a stripe shirt

May 20th, 2009
1:18 pm

Good afternoon folks.

On topic: A cat doesn’t care what you bring as long as he cares about you. When he starts asking questions is when a chick starts asking for the world. Then he starts doing the math and discounting the chick. Yeah, dudes are simple until you up the game beyond what you have to offer.

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
1:21 pm

LIONESS- No that is bad business! That is technically still someone’s man

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
1:21 pm

Truth- Real Talk

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
1:21 pm

@Lioness-”Question: Is it ok for a woman to date a man that is legally seperated from his wife?”

Nope married is married and divorced is divorced

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
1:22 pm

Blow me- I feel the same! Check this chicks story.. WOW!!

For the past two years I have been dating a married man who is legally separated from his wife of 15 years who has 4 children by him. I am twenty-eight and he is forty years old. I never imagined myself being in a situation like this. I always thought I’d get married to someone close in age and share a bunch of firsts with them; first child, first marriage, etc. but life does not always work out as you plan. As it happens I love this man more than I’ve ever loved any of my boyfriends including my first love who taught me how to love. I feel like finally I’m in a good place in my life where I can truly say that I love myself therefore I was able to find love and this is how I know it is real. He loves me too and he has not been shy to let everyone know that I am who he intends to spend the rest of his life with. His wife however has started a smear campaign against me in the town that we live in and I’ve been called every name in the book including; homewrecker, slut, whore, sideline ho, the list goes on an on, but my only crime is falling in love.

Like Mashonda, Kelly (not her real name), his wife, has not made peace with the fact that her marriage is over and she’s fought him every step of the way. Before I came along, they exhausted all their resources to get back together. They went to counseling, priests, they moved back in together all with the same outcome. Why am I being blamed for a situation I had no part of? He wants us to move in together but I refuse to do that until he is legally divorced and I know this is the right decision as I am concerned about how it looks to his children. I’ve extended myself in many ways and I’ve been sensitive to his wife and chcildren’s feelings. Why can’t she let go.

Le Siren

May 20th, 2009
1:23 pm

East Point’s Own…Dance 411’s pole dance classes are highly recommended! They get my own personal GOLD SEAL OF APPROVAL:)

LIONESS- Absolutely NOT! “Legally Separated” is just another term for NOT DIVORCED! What is the whole point of people getting legally separated anyway? Unless there is a substantial estate or custody disagreement, why not just get divorced? The whole separation thing just leaves too much room for them to get back together and you to be left out in the cold.

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
1:25 pm

Blow Me & W8- I feel the same! Check out this lady’s story.. WOW!

For the past two years I have been dating a married man who is legally separated from his wife of 15 years who has 4 children by him. I am twenty-eight and he is forty years old. I never imagined myself being in a situation like this. I always thought I’d get married to someone close in age and share a bunch of firsts with them; first child, first marriage, etc. but life does not always work out as you plan. As it happens I love this man more than I’ve ever loved any of my boyfriends including my first love who taught me how to love. I feel like finally I’m in a good place in my life where I can truly say that I love myself therefore I was able to find love and this is how I know it is real. He loves me too and he has not been shy to let everyone know that I am who he intends to spend the rest of his life with. His wife however has started a smear campaign against me in the town that we live in and I’ve been called every name in the book including; homewrecker, sl*t, wh*re, sideline h*, the list goes on an on, but my only crime is falling in love.

Kelly (not her real name), his wife, has not made peace with the fact that her marriage is over and she’s fought him every step of the way. Before I came along, they exhausted all their resources to get back together. They went to counseling, priests, they moved back in together all with the same outcome. Why am I being blamed for a situation I had no part of? He wants us to move in together but I refuse to do that until he is legally divorced and I know this is the right decision as I am concerned about how it looks to his children. I’ve extended myself in many ways and I’ve been sensitive to his wife and children’s feelings. Why can’t she let go.

Poppa Grande

May 20th, 2009
1:26 pm

W8

I just think that NE (provided that Mrs. Kraft approves…) is perfect. An older team that is used to distractions like the Patriots. They’ve even endured freakin’ spygate. They are organized and know what to do.

There will be unprecedented distractions for whatever team gives him a chance. Rams are young and have a young coach. SF is young and Singletary will start his first season as Head Coach. He’s gonna have to learn on the job. Getting the interim tag isn’t the same as having a say in personnel, scheme, etc that the head man gets to do in the offseason. Interim is just an audition.
Plus, the 9ers are young and how will they handle the distractions.

There will be distractions. I feel for Mike Vick. There are reporters sent up in front of his house right now. Tents in a cul-de-sac waiting for him. What do you think will await the football team that he gets on? More of the same.

Only other place that I might say would be Seattle. Jim Mora is the head coach there and he is has been there for a couple of years waiting for Holmgren to leave. He knows Vick and who really pays attention to Rainnyville ….I mean Seattle. It depends on Paul “Microsoft” Allen

I seriously doubt Jacksonville. The owner probably would not go for it.

I mention Mrs. Kraft because she made the Patriots release a 2nd round pick because the player had been accused of domestic violence. Mr. Kraft has to live with the lady, so he made them release the player.

So, we’ll see.

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
1:26 pm

My question is.. How do you fall in love or even entertain a married person?

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
1:27 pm

No W-eight not with you but your comment. LOL J/K
The pole he needs to be making it do what it do fits between my legs and not his. And I ain’t talking about that piece of brass plated tubing.

Now if he wants to get me all hot and bothered thru mechanics he just needs to go out and cut the grass, wash the car, clean the pool, fold the laundry.

I’ll sit and watch that.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
1:29 pm

@Lioness- She has low self esteem

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
1:29 pm

Lioness you don’t.

Poppa Grande

May 20th, 2009
1:30 pm

Never forget Dallas….

When Romo got injured last year, you saw how much they lack a viable backup.

Jerry Jones gave Adam Jones another chance so he isn’t against controversial players.

Married until proven Single!

May 20th, 2009
1:31 pm

married is married! legally separated don’t mean shiit to me. period. remember there’s always the other parties side of the story.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
1:31 pm

Now if he wants to get me all hot and bothered thru mechanics he just needs to go out and cut the grass, wash the car, clean the pool, fold the laundry.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
1:31 pm

“How do you fall in love or even entertain a married person?

Lioness The operative word here is “entertain”. People that are romantically attracted to a married person, should be a no-no in the first place.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
1:32 pm

This Raqi not pushing the submit button.

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
1:33 pm

You can’t really. It’s a stupid and dead end idea. Especially if you are all knowing. It’s not a good look. To be emotionally involved with someone who is not emotionally open to reciprocate.

Tmac

May 20th, 2009
1:33 pm

Staceye Black Mamba:

Why call names those who believe in marriage or relationship. Not long ago, you were asking not to be questioned(let alone being called names) of your believes of “being happy single” and here you are calling all kind of names those need to be in relationship and do whatever it takes to get what they feel need.

Married until proven Single!

May 20th, 2009
1:33 pm

**How do you fall in love or even entertain a married person?**

when you meet a triflin’ woman, ask her. lol. that heffa will have a answer for yo azz.

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
1:33 pm

This is the ending to her story..

Please ask your readers to weigh in on this. Am I missing something? My family is barely talking to me because of the situation but I can’t understand how I am at fault.

This chick is WAY too old for this!

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
1:34 pm

Oh that was to your question LIONESS

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
1:34 pm

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
1:34 pm

@PG- I could see Dallas happening quickly

Hmm I dont think a guy would ever fully respect or trust a woman he met while he was already married…well not enough to make her Queen Bee

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
1:35 pm

BLOW ME How do you bold again? I forgot

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
1:36 pm

when you meet a triflin’ woman, ask her. lol. that heffa will have a answer for yo azz.

This is Raqi sitting on her hands so she will not push the submit button.

Foots

May 20th, 2009
1:37 pm

Too much said to catch up. My first post got eaten, but I was saying that I have always loved dance and have taken many forms of it. Dance has always been my exercise because it doesn’t bore me and I can keep it up. Pole dancing was an extension of my sensuality and was a great form of exercise, so it was a win-win for me. I never enrolled with the thought of getting a man, it was just me wanting to try something sexy and new and get cardio at the same time, but the fact that I know what I know makes the relationship I’m in a little spicier at times. My endurance is low from being out of it for a while, but I definitely plan to get back into it when I have time.

Poppa Grande

May 20th, 2009
1:37 pm

Cee

What up? I’m sooo not enjoying coming back to work from lunch. ugh…i want to go back outside.

Things are good. I feel for ya. I am working from my front porch at home. Wi-fi is a beautiful thang. It is a nice day. I looking over at my ghetto mailman taking a nap in the cut (dead end of the street)…. :shock: :grin:

Should I tell on him? After all, he gets paid from Federal funds….

Tmac

May 20th, 2009
1:37 pm

I just smell lil hypocracy there….

You dont need dont mean every single woman dont need. Needing a man for whatever reason, financial, sexual, courtship, religous belief, dosnt make a woman a desperate nor whatever…

East Point's Own

May 20th, 2009
1:38 pm

Le Siren I only endorse the best… even if I know you I won’t endorse you unless I have full faith in your abilities…I have known some of the instructors at dance411 for 10 years now, and they definitely get my seal of approval.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
1:38 pm

Tazzee girl watching manual labor is an aphrodisiac.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
1:38 pm

Raqi – you are a MESS!!!

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
1:39 pm

Raqi- LMAO!! I was thinking the same thing.. LAWD!!

Musiq & Anthony Hamilton @ the Fox June 25th.. Think I want to go..

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
1:40 pm

PG- Tell on him :)

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
1:40 pm

@PG- I always see the mailmen sleeping..now when I am NY I see the coolest mailmen walking delivering mail..lol hat sideways..baggy jeans..delivering mail..just pimpin..lol

KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

May 20th, 2009
1:41 pm

Co-sign W8’s 1:29PM post.

People entertain relationships with married people because of an emotional or physical gap that needs to be filled. Many are willing to accept the role of 2nd fiddle because of low self esteem and have trouble understanding their own self-worth. Some men/women like playing co-pilot because they don’t have to deal with the day-to-day challenges of being the full-time husband/wife.

Foots

May 20th, 2009
1:42 pm

Lioness She didn’t mention when the divorce would be final AT ALL, nor if it had already started. Two years ago when they started dating, he was legally separated. Now, he is still legally separated. What move has he made to dissolve the marriage in TWO YEARS time?

She’s directing her frustration in the wrong place, at his wife. She needs to direct it at him and ask him if he plans to get a divorce and move on.

Poppa Grande

May 20th, 2009
1:43 pm

W8

Imagine the Patriots doing the Wildcat formation on the goal line with both Vick and Randy Moss as a threat.

Wildcat is a fad but it will stay in the NFL until it is stopped.

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
1:43 pm

Foots- LAME azz chick! I just had to post the story because desperate women are EVERYWHERE! Goodness!

Foots

May 20th, 2009
1:44 pm

Wise Can you check the filter for my posts? It keeps eating them.

DJ Sniper

May 20th, 2009
1:45 pm

PG, the interim tag was removed from Singletary’s job. He got a 4 year contract.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
1:46 pm

Tazzee LOL Calling someone a triflin heffa and you was just up in here last week talking about being hooked on the married dude that you work with.

I am the first to call myself a dumb chick for allowing myself to get mixed up with a married man. So now when I see another dumb chick I slap her with a brick. But I ain’t about to try to justify my actions and then call someone else in the same condition triflin.

But then again I guess trife recognizes trife, like dumb recognizes dumb.

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
1:47 pm

Poppa Wi-Fis, and front porches, and feeling the breezes, won’t get you first hand knowledge of how Elizabeth was 1 hour late b/c she had to break up a fight over the phone with her son and dauter inlaw at 3am in the morning. Then turned around and deposit $2600 into DIL account to cover frivolish spending on a trip to Carribean 2 weeks ago. Then asks me if i could cover b/c she’s leaving at 2:30 today.

Now beat that! I’m in Heaven!!!

Don’t tell on mailman…he needs to deliver and keep a job after he wakes up.

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
1:49 pm

Raqi- Couldn’t help yourself I see.. :lol:

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
1:50 pm

@PG- I know the Wildcat helped Miami out alot so I was thinking that’s why Vick would be a good fit for the Rams and he would be playing on turf there

Foots

May 20th, 2009
1:52 pm

Lioness There are so many different cases with a situation like this and not all of them scream desperation to me. One of my good friends met a man who was in the process of a divorce. The divorce was not easy on anybody involved, and it took over a year to be finalized, but it turned out fine. They are married with a new baby now.

But each case is different, and from your story, it sounds as though he was legally separated before they met and he was not living with the wife. My point is that he needs to move forward with the divorce if he intends to be in a new relationship and she needs to take out her frustration on him that this is not happening, not his wife. The one that needs to truly let go of his old relationship is him and she needs to remove herself from the situation until he makes moves to let go.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
1:53 pm

Lioness LOL I tried hard.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
1:55 pm

lol@Ce- Hell I’m with PG on the Wi-Fi tip..I’m at home upstairs on the couch windows open in my cargo shorts and UGA t-shirt, trying to talk a guy down in Oklahoma for the price of 1970 Chevelle SS..life is peaceful…until my daughter comes afterschool with all of her hyper little friends…wooosaaaaa

LIONESS-Going Shopping Shortly

May 20th, 2009
1:55 pm

Foots- Are you ok with dating a dude if he is in the divorce process?

Leggs

May 20th, 2009
1:55 pm

The bottom line is there’s nothing wrong with/self-improvement. Yes, best if done for yourself, but not always the case. To do it solely to snag a man and not keep up with the self-improvement will only lead to someone straying, or divorce. Why not represent “yourself” up front and call it a day!

@Melo – loved your 11:55.

I never understood those that stay separated forever. Some have told me its about liqudation of assets. Well, that’s a price you have to pay if you truly want to no longer be a part of someone. This 25 year old young lady will be writing a Strawberry Letter in 5 years wondering WTH Happened W/Her Life!

Poppa Grande

May 20th, 2009
1:55 pm

Sniper

I know that get isn’t interim. I just compared him being the interim and being the man. He was interim last year after Nolan got canned. Permanent job and interim job aren’t the same. One has more of focus on now and the other has a little of a long term outlook to it.

Cee

I won’t tell on him. I’ve caught him before. Now he brings my mail up to me when he sees me on the porch.

LIONESS-Going Shopping Shortly

May 20th, 2009
1:56 pm

Rather.. Do you think it is ok for a person to date a person that is going through a divorce?

Poppa Grande

May 20th, 2009
1:56 pm

Cee

Plus I saw the mailman at K&K Soulfood earlier. That is where I got my lunch. He is due a nap after that.

LIONESS-Going Shopping Shortly

May 20th, 2009
1:57 pm

PG- LOL @ the mailman having the itis..

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
1:59 pm

Lioness – That sounds like one of those Strawberry letters on Steve Harvey show. Trife, pure & simple.

I too support Vick. It was blown way out of proportion and we all know why. SOME folks get more upset about some dogs than they do a human being. But he’s more than paid his debt to society.

Back on topic – Someone wrote earlier that we’re working/focusing on the wrong things. That is so true. If the competition is so “fierce” that you think you have to take pole classes or get plastic surgery to get a leg up – guess what? Soon you will again be old hat and nothing special because EVERYONE would have done the same thing! It will all boil down to, like it has since the beginning of time and does still now, SUBSTANCE! Be a person of substance and substance you will attract! Work on building good character as hard as you do at those pole classes and you won’t have anything to worry about.

There are no shortcuts people! That was one thing mom drilled into me. It’s still all about substance!

Elijah

May 20th, 2009
2:00 pm

@W8 and others I think we are jumping to conclusions about a married person/legally seperated would not trust the person they are having the relationship with! Their are many who have found their mates after seperation!

@PG I like the possible fit with San Fran, due to the fans being so liberal they might receive MV with open arms. Plus their QB situation is not that good!

Raqi@ So when Mason cuts the grass is he guarantee to get some? :wink:
You are too funny!

Tazzee you better get into those cooking classes your SO needs more then a salad! :lol: Oops Elija giving Tazzee orders here comes the ……

Demi ( Feeling like a pimp, though my pocket is saying krump change )

May 20th, 2009
2:01 pm

Mayne…I am getting tired of tricking off in home depot…The second I leave, I see another bad tool I want!!!

Demi is depress…Lioness, hold me

Poppa Grande

May 20th, 2009
2:04 pm

W8

It seems as though the Rams are in rebuilding mode. That is my hesitation on them for Vick. They got rid of Orlando Pace (drafted a younger version of him) and Tory Holt is gone too.

That sounds like a team trying to build for the future. So, I don’t what to think about them. Since Ms. Georgia Frontiere -owner (sp?) died they seemed to be a little helter skelter in identity.

Jamoca

May 20th, 2009
2:04 pm

Hello you all!

2PennyCandies/Cee – Dang ya’ll! I call myself going on strike from posting until someone confirms that Wise is driving around in a Geo Prism! Lol…j/k

To be honest, I did not want to come back! It was very nice! Got there early to find a nice spot on the sand…next “go round” I’m so serious when I say that I’m making it out there in time to just sit and watch the sun rise…there are some true healing powers in the sun.

Now as for topic…. Raqi LMAO Did we not just have this discussion??!!…can’t go blaming your latest spew on “Lil’ Miss Lizzie Adalyn” …that’s all you, ma! …and a dayum good call! I caught the visual of you sitting on your hands and fidgiting (sp?) around at your desk, your afternoon snack…heyal!…anything to distract you! HA!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 20th, 2009
2:05 pm

Hello All…definitely late to the party.

My $0.02…are we talking about relationships or are we talking about just finding someone to date? These are totally different goals and should be treated as such. For one seeking a long term relationship, I think the following apply.

1) One should concentrate on being the best person they can be, not learn “talents” to attract the opposite sex. Take the time to actually analyze EXACTLY what you are wanting in a long term SO, AND BECOME THAT PERSON YOURSELF. In the relationship world, you will attract the type of person you portray because even though there is a magnetic attraction to opposites, “likes” feel most comfortable around other “likes”.

2. As I think someone else noted above, these “talents” are relationship “enhancers” not relationship “starters”. Think this through for just a second. If you are in a relationship most men tend to want a combination of “mother and other”. Learn to “pole dance” AFTER you have established a relationship and you enhance the relationship. When you go up to someone at a bar and say “I can pole dance”, is that a “relationship starter” or is it an “alright, I get a chance to hit a Cheetah Club wannabe”? Think about it.

Ultimately you will get the outcome that you project that you want, not necessarily the one you want. Package your assets for the outcome YOU want.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
2:06 pm

imma have to agree with W8 on this one. There is only one pole that I need/desire my man to have between his legs

Raqi – Find where I disgreed with that lady! :lol:

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
2:08 pm

Before getting hitched my marido never told me I was a good girlfriend or that I would make a good wife.

Yeah, I don’t really see how someone saying that would make any difference. Especially if he’s not marrying you. :lol:

Foots

May 20th, 2009
2:09 pm

Lioness It wouldn’t be my best choice of situation, but yes, if I met a man and he was in the middle of a divorce, I would give him a chance. It might stay light until all of the legal stuff is out of the way, but if I felt he was worth it, I’d get to know him.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
2:11 pm

This is Raqi sitting on her hands so she will not push the submit button.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

AmazonRed is following Raqi’s lead…:lol:

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
2:15 pm

@Elijah/Foots- Different strokes for different folks. Whatever path you take to get to your desired goal is on you

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
2:16 pm

Elijah are you asking if the grass gets watered more often to guarantee some action? LOL
That reminds of one time I was at his house for the weekend and we had an argument. He was angry with me. Angry enough to not want to have sex. That’s cool. I waited to hear the slightest grunt from him ‘cause I know he is pretty much on his way to sleep then. I took his cell phone and put it on the table on the side of the bed that I was sleeping, slipped of my shirt, called his cell phone, he woke up reached over me to answer it…

I am a bad, bad girl.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
2:16 pm

Are you ok with dating a dude if he is in the divorce process?

I did this once. It wasn’t even his ex that was the problem. She had moved 1000 miles away and took their son. However, he did want to get his date on again and wanted to date several women at a time.

All in all, I definitely could have waited til the divorce was final. Life is short, but when you are in a drama filled relationship, it seems long as hell. :lol:

DJ Sniper

May 20th, 2009
2:18 pm

Elijah, some people have said that San Fran might not be a good fit for Vick. Not because of the team itself, but because that area is known for being a haven for animal lovers, so they think that Vick’s prescence will bring a lot of negative pub to the team.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 20th, 2009
2:20 pm

@Lioness and Foots re: dating a man in the middle of a divorce.

Bad idea. As a “divorced man” and a man whose friends are all divorced (and have either experienced or heard stories about all that happens in this delicate time), you are just asking for a heartburn. There is a reason for all of the divorce books, counselors etc. telling someone to wait before dating after a divorce. This is the period where a man is the most needy, has the most baggage he will ever have in his life, has a boatload of unresolved anger/bitterness etc., and nerve endings you will hit. Everyone of us think we are the exception, that we are “whole”, that we are READY. That is when men do the stupidest, least thought through, WTF was I thinking things.

I’m telling you…”abandon all hope, all yee who enter here”. It can and in almost all instances will get you totally fugged up. The marriage does not end with the paperwork, you still have to clean out the “suitcases” before you are whole. I know.

Leggs

May 20th, 2009
2:21 pm

Perhaps I missed something, but I haven’t read one woman on here that said they’re taking pole dancing or any other form of dancing to get a man. Competition can be looked at as being fierce, if that’s what you want to call it, yet you still have to be yourself. In time, you will attract the right one for you. Seems like quite a few ladies here have taking pole dancing/exotic dancing. Bet quite a few haven’t even danced for a man yet!

@Staceye, lis sis, I know you have. @ARed, I know you have as well. What about the other ladies. Just about every one on here are taking the classes as a form of exercise and learning a new skill that won’t necessarily get a man but will surely add spice to the relationship when needed!

Demi ( Feeling like a pimp, though my pocket is saying krump change )

May 20th, 2009
2:22 pm

Donning sexy man’s swim trunks and scrolling over to Jamoca with the most gangstalish bruh man walk,/i>

(Let me take off all your clothes.
We’ll disconnect the phone so nobody knows.
Let me light a candle,
So that we can make it better.
Makin’ love until we drown.)

(I wanna sex you up.
All night.
You make me feel real good.
I wanna rub you down.
I wanna sex you up.)

Jamocha is burying Demi’s head in the sand

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
2:25 pm

PoppaG Mailman Dennis deserve a nap. As long as he gets that mail deliverd. Like you said…after a meal for K&K he’s bound to be knocked out in a few…

W8 Just laying it on think, ain’t cha? Well, some of us acatually W.O.R.K. instead of laying around the house in funky clothes for umteen days ago. Go wash!!!!

I call myself going on strike from posting until someone confirms that Wise is driving around in a Geo Prism!”

Jamoca Gurl you are silly. I want my GEO!

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
2:29 pm

LMAO- speaking of mail…I just went out to the mailbox and Ms. Maye lives in the care of her daughter…they live across the street from me. ..she was getting off her old folks bus and had a few bags..so I go to help her in the house..she starts to tell me about her daughter who I have met in passing..this is what the little old 70 yr old lady said..”Now baby, Sharon has her eye on you and you seem like you are a good man..but my daughter likes to stick and move so just be careful”…me..”Okay, thank you Ms. Maye”…now back to you regularly scheduled blog topics..lol

I think I am going to take Ms Maye out for some lemonade tomorrow, she is a sweetie.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
2:31 pm

Now you know a pistol like Ms Maye deserves something stronger than lemonade! :lol:

Demi ( Feeling like a pimp, though my pocket is saying krump change )

May 20th, 2009
2:31 pm

Bored at work…Demi is now install a pool table and strippa pole near his work station…Now calling a few strippa friends to join in on the fun

Fellas, let’s be honest…unhappy married women got some fire puddy…

Foots

May 20th, 2009
2:32 pm

Randy Yes, you know YOUR situation. I have a friend who I talked about earlier who had a different experience than you. Although I haven’t dated a man in the process of a divorce, I find it easier to take situations like this on a case-by-base basis. So if I did, I would handle it the same way as I do a man with children, or any other situation I can’t control: If at any point it becomes too much for me to handle, I know how to keep it moving. That’s all any of us can do.

I have dated three men who were freshly divorced, one wasn’t ready and two were. We didn’t work out for other reasons. Case by case basis.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
2:32 pm

lol@Demi in all of his thugnificence..lmao

@Ce- I can’t help it if fools with Federal Warrants try to fly back in to the country ( we will let you fly out, maybe you will stay gone, it’s just when you bring yourself back that we get ya)…dumbasses..you’re doing my job for me..lol..seriously though I will be out creeping in South Georgia later tonight.

Jamoca

May 20th, 2009
2:33 pm

Demi – Flea-gro…that ain’t the half of it, mayne!…you better get on down the yellow brick road to Munchkin Land with that!… Jamoca now flicks away Demi (not Alvin)…like the buggah on her index fanga… LOL

You silly! What’s up man?

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
2:33 pm

@Demi- Hawt Fiyah “work it out girl…work it out”

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 20th, 2009
2:33 pm

ELIJAH…”Tmac tell us how you really think about the Mamba!” He’s got his manties in a bunch because I turned him down! :shock:

Hey…firemen slide down poles and look sexy doing it! :lol:

LIONESS>>>the chick in tha story shoudl cut her looses and move on. Being as that he has kids with this woman…she will always be a part of his life and should she marry him….she will be a part of hers too. She will make there life hell. Hence my reason for not dating men with kids. Now if the kids are older (teens) and the parents have been divorced enough time….then I would give him the chance. But young children…hellz no! But wait…did you say he was separated? That is not divorced….no way in hell I am dating separated dudes. I just do not see the justification in messing with a married man. He’s is trife and so is she!

TMAC…”Why call names those who believe in marriage or relationship”! Hell they do it to me…so payback is a beyotch isn’t it? :lol: Oh and believing in marriage is one thing…but making it your main focus in life is nuts! That is saying that you need another person to make you happy and feel complete. So I am not knkocking those whose desire it…just those who feel they need it. What they really need is a therapist. Being dependent on others is a problem.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
2:35 pm

Elijah – I can cook, I just don’t on a regular basis. Plus, like most men, he could use some more veggies in his life ;-)

W8 – that is hilarious. I guess you won’t be going after Ms. Maye’s daughter.

Vow Keeper

May 20th, 2009
2:35 pm

Nope married is married and divorced is divorced

correction married is married til death do you part

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
2:37 pm

I have dated three men who were freshly divorced, one wasn’t ready and two were.

Foots – Though I haven’t been divorced, I agree. Some people have been living as strangers or alone long before the divorce papers have been filed. Once you’ve decided your relationship is over, you start looking towards the next chapter. Not to say that the actual process isn’t draining.

I do have concerns about men who are “separated” and are off actively looking for someone. But sometimes good people fall right into your lap when you aren’t looking. So I do think it’s a case by case basis.

Since I’ve dated a separated man, I can say that I wouldn’t get close to one until after the divorce was final, but there are some women who are well equipped to handle a person in transition.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
2:38 pm

lol@Ared- she might have her own little flask..lol

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
2:39 pm

Foots tell your friend you are married until you are single. Not living single but single single.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 20th, 2009
2:40 pm

FOOTS Fair enough. I suspect the trick is to go into these situations with one’s eyes wide open. That gives one the highest probability of success. If one is not careful one’s emotions get in the way of making careful decisions. All it takes to fall in love is a pulse…not a brain. LOL

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
2:42 pm

@Mamba– Down kitten..now purrrrrrrr..lol
@Tazzee- hell no at Ms Maye’s daughter
@Vow Keeper- YUP
@Foots- so you were the constant in those 3 situations?

Once again men “on” poles..ewwwww gotta lose your mancard on that one.

Foots

May 20th, 2009
2:42 pm

Raqi Yeah, I WOULD tell her…but as I said earlier, they dated while his divorce was in process and she’s married to him now.

Foots

May 20th, 2009
2:43 pm

W8 I’ve been the constant in EVERY situation I’ve EVER been in. Everywhere I look, there I am. Imagine that!!

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
2:46 pm

@Ared-..”but there are some women who are well equipped to handle a person in transition.”..

Until he is transitioning from her..lol..I had a conversation with someone yesterday..long story short I let it be known that there is no reason for a single person to be chatty, calling, emailing, hanging with a single person of the opposite sex. Well it’s okay it’s nothing happening..umm ..does this persons spouse know about it?

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
2:47 pm

@Foots- “I have dated three men who were freshly divorced, one wasn’t ready and two were. We didn’t work out for other reasons. Case by case basis.”

Good thing you are consistent! Imagine That!

Le Siren

May 20th, 2009
2:49 pm

VOW KEEPER- “correction married is married til death do you part”

Yes, of course that is ideal…but please step off of your pedestal for moment to join all of us in the real world…

Vow Keeper

May 20th, 2009
2:50 pm

Isnt Foots the main one in this joint against adultery? Seeing a divorced/about to be divorced/somewhat divorced/transitioning/separated/legally separated/ain’t quite told the whole story man, is adultery

DJ Sniper

May 20th, 2009
2:52 pm

W8, I believe you meant to say that there’s no reason for a single person to be doing all of that with a married person of the opposite sex. If that’s what you meant, do you really believe that doing that will always lead to some sort of trouble? Me and my wife both have single friends of the opposite sex that we communicate with and there’s no issue at all. Some of them we both know, some of them we don’t.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
2:52 pm

@Le Siren- Maybe Vow Keeper is in a happy relationship and has seen examples of what he/she is stating..till death do us part does exist for some. and that’s their world

Vow Keeper

May 20th, 2009
2:52 pm

LeSiren Yes, of course that is ideal

Nothing to do with a pedalstal nor the world in which you refered to as being real because I myself see plenty of “was married” men. I pulled that from the good book. Nothing to do with me personally.

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
2:52 pm

there are some women who are well equipped to handle a person in transition.

And I ain’t one of them. Before now, looks like everyone I met was in some kind of “transition”, though not separated or married.

Case by case basis may be true, but I know my limits. I don’t have the patience to date and find out if it’s a case worth working with, or just a case!

I just wouldn’t be as lucky as Foot’s friend.

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
2:53 pm

“daughter likes to stick and move so just be careful”

DAYUM GINA!!!

W8South Georgia is a whole nother world, isnt’ it! I just got back Sunday for fooling around with my folks. Gotta love ‘em.

Scene One: Birthday party for a 1 year old.

-Party starts at 4pm Saturday (which is what it says on the baby-pictured printed birthday invitations.) No R.S.V.P. just “Start-4pm”

- 2 Blow up bounce/jump houses, and 1 water attraction later, the party starts at 5:15ish. Kids eat as soon as they arrive cause Uncle Leon been bbq-ing all morning.

- 2 grills and 50-11 kids (read: fifty eleven kids)running all over the yard and the house.

- Twice as many grown ups (50-11+) including cuzins, nephews, along with baby mammas in their Ecko LTD, Ed Hardy, and Juicy Couture outfits (”kits”). Cell phones blazin, textin-teenagers, and air force ones and Jordans everywhere!!!

- Likka and Hunch-Punch <—-need i say more?

- Oh yea, the one year old is surrounded buy great aunts, grandmas and whole buncha camera phone (needless to say she’s a beautiful babygrl).

- 3 hours later about 9ish…somebody brings 2more coolers (one with ice only) and a gang of fish already fried <—WTH????

- 9:08pm Cee says; “Did we sing happy b-day to babygirl yet?” Have you did the pinata and goodie bags for the kids?” “Isn’t it time for somma these kids (and parents) to go home?”

- 11pm – Auntie Linda, Tina, Kee-Kee, Cuzin’ Pap, Bobby, Kel, Mike, Jeff and all them break out the Bumble Bees!!!

- 11:15 Babygirl still has CP folk bringing gifts and she’s sleep!

aaaaannnnnnddd – Where they do that^^^ at???? South Georgia!!!

Mo (aka Moeisha- wishing she had a hammock, a good book and some fresh lemonade)

May 20th, 2009
2:54 pm

okay I dont know what the topic is now but I aint tryin to see not one mo’ post bout men and stripper poles! It aint right and I soooo dont want a visual of that.

For Real – are you here so you can provide a recap?

So off the subject but I had to share: how cute is it when your lil one says your toes are “petty” (pretty)…awwww

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
2:55 pm

@DJ- I put opposite sex in my post :) ..what I left out was basically the inappropriate conversations and such( i left that out) it’s a matter of respect..some not all get off on the wrong tangents sometimes.

Vow Keeper

May 20th, 2009
2:56 pm

LeSiren oh and that pedalstal thing would probably come into play moreso for the women on here that condemn women to brimstone and fire for seeing someone that’s openly married but justify seeing someone because they’re transitioning. Now that sounds more like the pedalstal thing going on

DJ Sniper

May 20th, 2009
2:56 pm

VowKeeper, are you saying you wouldn’t date someone who is legally divorced?

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
2:57 pm

W8 – You know Foots is a Dawg too.

Foots

May 20th, 2009
2:58 pm

Vow Keeper I’d like to think that most people are against adultery. If the relationship is over, it’s over. It was over the day before the judge’s clerk mailed you the finalized papers and just like it’s over the day after you receive them. It’s a legal matter at that point. You don’t have to agree and I’m sure you don’t.

If you want to put in the full meaning of adultery, you can’t leave out the divorced people that are dating and who remarry. Like you said, you are married until you (or the other person) dies.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
2:58 pm

Ce- lol@ Cuz’ Pap..and dont forget about the fam who is way out by the tree line “gettin it in” (weed)

Foots

May 20th, 2009
3:01 pm

Vow Keeper Nothing to do with a pedalstal nor the world in which you refered to as being real because I myself see plenty of “was married” men. I pulled that from the good book

Now, you DO realize that you seeing plenty of “was married” men is adultery in the Good Book right? :lol:

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
3:01 pm

@Kimmie- Foots is a Dawg? Okay I will be nice now (lol@Kimmie keeping me in the know and checking me on the sly)

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
3:03 pm

W8 There are 4 trees in my cousin’s yard. You choose!

Tmac

May 20th, 2009
3:05 pm

Stacey Mamba,

about you turning me down, I think I am ok with missing a frozen, dead nana hahaha

as of your hypocracy…

“Hell they do it to me…so payback is a beyotch isn’t it?”

fair enough,

Foots

May 20th, 2009
3:09 pm

kimmie I don’t have the patience to date and find out if it’s a case worth working with, or just a case!

That’s about how I feel about men with kids. I have to take them on a case by case basis too. Like you detailed yesterday, you’ve dated men with unruly kids and that case didn’t work for you, so you left it. But this man’s kids are wonderful and it’s great. I bet you’re glad you handled his case on its own merits.

And W8 can snipe at me all he wants. Don’t matter if I’m a Dawg or not.

And W8 Most relationships we are in don’t work out. You know that from your own experience, having been divorced. Just like me, you’re probably the constant in your relationships too. So what was your point?

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 20th, 2009
3:09 pm

W8…”Mamba– Down kitten..now purrrrrrrr” Come make me! :wink: :lol:

CEMEELI…that party sounds like a Southern version of a Caribbean “Kiddie” party. Trips me out that the party starts at 8PM for a 2 year old. By 1AM the adults are drinking and dancing..the kids are asleep under tables on the floor in cute party dresses! There are pictures of me as a child asleep on the floor at family parties…even one of my own B-day parties! It sucks having a December B-day. You could never have an outdoor party unless it was at Rockefeller Rink!

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 20th, 2009
3:11 pm

TMAC….could you even reach my frozen dead Nana without a step stool? :lol:

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 20th, 2009
3:15 pm

It sucks having a December B-day. You could never have an outdoor party unless it was at Rockefeller Rink!

Staceye I feel your pain…my birthday is Dec.24…so imagine getting that ONE gift. As a child I thought “Okaaay so if I open this today I’ll have nothing for Christmas BUT if I wait until tomorrow I won’t have anything for my birthday”…that sucked huge chunks of monkey butt if you ask me. You just don’t do that to the chirren…..

OOMPAH LOOMPAH!!!!! There goes that Turret’s again…..

Leggs

May 20th, 2009
3:15 pm

That was too easy ~ but Staceye a step stool would put him exactly where he wanted to be, head first!

Vow Keeper

May 20th, 2009
3:15 pm

DJ Sniper nope

Foots Don’t take the statement out of context. When I referred to “I see married men” was meant as in passing, interacting as in work, approached as in out and about. And yes, once we cover the are you married question, if it comes up as a yes or separated or divorces. It becomes a no go.

Married until proven Single!

May 20th, 2009
3:16 pm

ok, so i’m the only one who saw that? lol. y’all funny. BLOW, you got a problem with your identity?

@RAQI
i’m stickin’ my tongue out at you!

@AMAZON
**Are you ok with dating a dude if he is in the divorce process?**
**I did this once**

you can do it once and i can’t! when i accidentally fell into this mess, i all of a sudden became a bad person.

y’all are full of shiit! i tell ya.

Foots

May 20th, 2009
3:17 pm

Vow Keeper So let’s put it in context. Would you date a divorced man?

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
3:17 pm

@Foots- Point is I learn quick and dont do the same thing over and over, hence me being divorced once and not yet again married. See I know what I want and I am not settling until I find it, that’s my point.

@Mamba- (makes the cheesy lion face and growls@u)

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
3:18 pm

Ceemeeli- What part of south ga?

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
3:20 pm

Foots – Hey I don’t want you to have to go back & read what I wrote yesterday, so I’ll just tell you – that was my FRIEND that IS dating the dude with the unruly kids, NOT ME. I’ve been lucky in that respect.

And yeah, TIME has made me lazy and less patient when it comes to giving a dude a “chance”! I used to hang around and try to “work” with a situation – and that’s why I’m still single today! Just wasted a lot of time. Life is too short. Now I’ve gotten better at casing a situation out quickly and deciding if I can deal with it. Dudes fresh out of relationships – I can see that upfront and decide I don’t want to deal with it.

W8 – You’re welcome – I look out for all my Dawgs! But she ain’t gonna be any easier on ya though, Foots tells it like it is!

Vow Keeper

May 20th, 2009
3:21 pm

Foots No, he’s married til death he does part.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
3:21 pm

you can do it once and i can’t! when i accidentally fell into this mess, i all of a sudden became a bad person.

Angie – Cry me a river. “Accidently” fell, you just sound stupid when you tell your stories.

You always want me to keep it real. Well, I am. I dated a guy who is going thru a divorce. The key is that he was GOING THRU A DIVORCE not just talking about it.

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
3:21 pm

MARRIED TIL GUILTY- No I was trying to bold my name…but I forgot how to do it? That’s why I was testing and all the other wierd stuff.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
3:23 pm

@Kimmie-”W8 – You’re welcome – I look out for all my Dawgs! But she ain’t gonna be any easier on ya though, Foots tells it like it is!”

In her world

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
3:23 pm

Oh an another thing, I was like 22 and not 40!

Foots

May 20th, 2009
3:24 pm

Vow Keeper Well, you can call me all kinds of names then, because if I end up divorced, I will date and I will certainly consider marrying again. And I would date a divorced man.

W8 See I know what I want and I am not settling until I find it, that’s my point.

Now if you see that this is your situation, why would it be difficult for you to see that it is mine also? Of course, without the failed marriage part. That’s why I don’t understand your point.

Jamoca

May 20th, 2009
3:26 pm

LOL @ Mo – how cute!…the little already has a foot fetish going on.

Cee – alright now…tell me you ALL did not realize that you had not sang happy birthday to Lil’ Nerie until 9 o’clock??!!!….black folks I tell ya! I bet it was a big event, as it should have been.

LOL @ Staceye! Talk about putting one’s face in it!

…and Demi, don’t tell me the cat’s gotcha tongue too. Where did you run off to man?…you’ll have to forgive me. I’m running off of nothing but rabbit food and tofu…lol.

Vow Keeper

May 20th, 2009
3:26 pm

Mark.10

2] And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.
[3] And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?
[4] And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.
[5] And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
[6] But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
[7] For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
[8] And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
[9] What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
[10] And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.
[11] And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.
[12] And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
3:26 pm

New Playlist started:

Soldier – Destiny’s Child
· Baby – LL Cool J
· Doin’ It – LL Cool J
· It – Prince
· Big Poppa – Biggie
· Anywhere – 112
· Love In This Club (remix) – Usher
· Funky Ride – Outkast
· Hotline – Pretty Ricky
· One In A Million (remix) – Aaliyah
· Pink & Blue – Andre
· Grind On Me – Pretty Ricky
· Promise – Ciara
· I Want You – Marvin Gaye
· Inside My Love – Trina Broussard
· So Anxious – Genuwine
· Secret Garden – Quincy Jones & crew
· Please Don’t Go – Boys II Men
· Ai Du – Ali Farka Toure
· Uhh-Ahh (the Sequel) – Boys II Men
· Halo – Beyonce

mytw♥cents

May 20th, 2009
3:27 pm

IV REAL In response to your question about wanting a wife “like” experience….GTFOH with that. Ilm so not a ‘If you like Coach bags, you’ll luv Cooch bags’ kinda gal. I’m patient enough to wait on the real thang.

Lil MO! I was thinkinin bout ya this mornin, wondering if you got them highlights in time for the Memorial day festivities…and uhm speaking of those can I tag along to one of ya cookouts? I know you got like 5 on deck…

Vow Keeper

May 20th, 2009
3:27 pm

I just posted that so you’ll know I wasn’t just making it up and where I’m coming from

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
3:28 pm

@Foots- what I am saying is that if a certain person with a “certain” type of situation did not work out why would you try again with someone in that same situation?

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 20th, 2009
3:28 pm

SASSY…since mine is December 2….I learned at an early age to tell folks there were 3 weeks between the 2 occasions and I knew there was another paycheck in there somewhere so stop being cheap! :lol:

LEGGS…girl even with a step stool…a running start jump may be required! : lol:

Melo

May 20th, 2009
3:29 pm

about you turning me down, I think I am ok with missing a frozen, dead nana hahaha

hehehe Tmac,u got jokes.
Staceye got a vibrator :lol: Keeps her tendons warmed up,just in case!

Jamdun Queen

May 20th, 2009
3:30 pm

After reading the article in Essence, I left feeling that women were nothing more than objects to some men, and some women were also feeding into this concept. If you are a girlfriend, you should not be doing all these things to keep him and as a wife spicing up the relationship can be nice but why can’t he also do the belly dancing?

Foots

May 20th, 2009
3:32 pm

W8 Because they were in different situations. All men who are single are NOT all in the same situation. All women who are single are NOT all in the same situation. People are different emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, etc, even if they all can check the box on the same exact marital status.

Things haven’t worked out with you and single ladies so far, but aren’t you still dating them?

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
3:32 pm

@Blow – about 3 hours South. – Washington County/Dublin area.

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
3:32 pm

learned at an early age to tell folks there were 3 weeks between the 2 occasions and I knew there was another paycheck in there somewhere so stop being cheap!

Staceye – I love it!! My birthday is Jan 17. Folks are usually gifted out & broke by the time mine rolls around. Usually it’s a few snowflakes falling too and you know how crazy it is around here after a light dusting! But I’ve had some good birthdays though!

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
3:32 pm

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder

VowKeep My father-in-law stated that very verse at my reception.

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
3:34 pm

Relax BOOTIFUL and ARed….Chill…you both sound equally stupid trying to justify one over the other. Its wrong even if he is proceeding to get a divorce. Married is MARRIED. There is no GRAY area. You either are or you aren’t.

You both are silly and dizzy! lmao!

Jamoca

May 20th, 2009
3:34 pm

Hmmmm…very good point in your 3:32, Foots.

Vow Keeper

May 20th, 2009
3:35 pm

Raqi As much as it pains us, it’s true

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 20th, 2009
3:36 pm

I think all of us here technically know what is right and wrong. It is just a good thing that Christianity is about foregiveness, not perfection. A church is not a monument to the pure, it is a hospital for the wounded.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
3:36 pm

you both sound equally stupid trying to justify one over the other.

Blow and you sound stupid thinking I’m trying to justify anything. I shared my experience. I didn’t say it’s something I’d do in 2009! I did it, it was wrong and I NEVER DID IT AGAIN. I’m not sitting up here telling stories about some marry man I’ve befriended at 40.

Big difference.

Demi ( Feeling like a pimp, though my pocket is saying krump change )

May 20th, 2009
3:37 pm

W8…stop before Jamoca go flo-rida on me, lol

Moca…i am good, just getting back from lunch…

Demi would like to thanks all his Georgian Peaches for rockin them sun dresses that stop two inches above the knee, today. It was a treat!!!

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 20th, 2009
3:37 pm

MELO…tendons are not in that area….its the Kegel muscles. And yes…mine are fine! :lol:

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
3:38 pm

Okay well since you said that ARED that makes it a bit different. 22 is understandble eventhough that is STILL not right. But 40 thats to damn ole to go for the shenigigans!! Ya playin ya self

bOOTIFUL..yo azz should know better at 40 not to be wasting anytime with a married man. Why would you set yourself up to deal with a man who is currently unavailable emotionally?

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
3:38 pm

Things haven’t worked out with you and single ladies so far, but aren’t you still dating them?

LOL @ Foots!!!

Anthor reason the whole “keep doing what you’re doing” quote doesn’t work for me.

Foots

May 20th, 2009
3:40 pm

Vow Keeper While we are quoting, check out Matthew 19:9 “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

So would you be open to dating a man who is divorced because he said his wife cheated on him? That’s allowed, because it’s not adultery if the marriage was dissolved because of infidelity. Or would you not give him the chance to explain his divorce circumstance to you?

Professor (living for the 3 day weekend)

May 20th, 2009
3:41 pm

I am just checking in and taking a break from the 9-5. I saw that we are reading from the New Testament today…the Book of Mark.

Vow Keeper- I have read this passage before in Mark, however you should have listed the passages in Mathew Chapters 5 and 19 which states that you can divorce for sexual immorality.

But hey I came in here because I wanted to discuss something light and fun work in stressful enough so I am not here to condemn, but I had to say that.

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
3:41 pm

I recant that ARED….PLEASE READ 3:38. Thanks

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
3:42 pm

Okay well since you said that ARED that makes it a bit different. 22 is understandble eventhough that is STILL not right.

Well no shyt Shirlock! Point me to where I said it was right?

The question was asked and I answered honestly. I thought we were supposed to “keep it real.” (Like I’m going to do anything but :lol: )

Jamoca

May 20th, 2009
3:43 pm

…back on strike…hurry up MD weekend!

Professor (living for the 3 day weekend)

May 20th, 2009
3:43 pm

@ Foots…I see we are on the same page. I am waiting on Vow Keeper.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
3:44 pm

I recant that ARED….PLEASE READ 3:38. Thanks

:lol: We’re posting too fast. Thank goodness for high speed innanet tho. :lol:

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
3:44 pm

@Foots _ was specifically targeting your comment about 3 divorced men and to let you in my world, I got divorced didnt think about a relationship for a few years..a lot of years..I wasnt ready for one..drowned myself at work and traveled the world after that I still was not ready..i did some counseling and now I am picking and choosing..because I finally see myself as fit to be the husband that I am supposed to be..I went a total of 3 years with no sex no dates no nothing..I used to be a big time player before I was married and didnt want to get back into that life so I didn’t put myself into those positions to fall back.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
3:44 pm

VowKeep It was funny because every one was holding their drink of choice and just randomly giving their warm wishes, encouraging words and shout outs to us from the crowd and we were toasting to them all. When my f-i-l was giving his speech folks were sanctioning what he was saying with raised glasses and all…until he said that line. LOL Like one third of crowd such sorta became silent.

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
3:47 pm

Jamoca -It was a lil late in the evening to be singing Happy Birthday songs to babygirl but she’d had her naps and was good. The party was a blast! She got (cause i was the gift-opener) 43 complete outfits and 12 pairs of shoes. Toys??? I don’t know.

I think the entire High school stopped by and gave the baby something! The teenagers (guys and girls) are still really hurt and sadden by her death. Some were crying when they left the party…it was bitter sweet.

My cousin has pleaded with the teenagers not to bring so many gifts for the baby becuase there is nowhere to put all of it. Most of it she’s never going to play with.

LIONESS-Going Shopping Shortly

May 20th, 2009
3:47 pm

Blow- Go Hard

W8- Thanks Babe ;)

Randy T- I agree with your last comment

Foots

May 20th, 2009
3:49 pm

W8 I’m still not sure what you want me to say. :???: Just tell me and I’ll say it and you can move on.

Professor (living for the 3 day weekend)

May 20th, 2009
3:51 pm

@ Vow Keeper I had someone very close to me use that verse in Mark to keep from getting out of an abusive relationship. I was very young at the time and I will never forget that I told her if you divorce him for whacking you upside your head, before the divorce is final he would be out there with someone else so your divorce will be legit. Well she finally divorced him when she got sick and tired and she laughed (years later) and told me what I said made sense because she always knew he was out there anyway.

Eileen

May 20th, 2009
3:52 pm

@ Melo 11:55 post – I absolutely get you ^^^555

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
3:52 pm

A very good friend of mine made a good point about Mark 10:9 – not every marriage was joined by God.

Demi ( Feeling like a pimp, though my pocket is saying krump change )

May 20th, 2009
3:53 pm

Foots!!

Are you saying…Vow…Is full of ish?

That’s some bullish!!!

‘Cause I agree

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
3:53 pm

@Foots- No sweetie I wont tell you what to say. I’ll be around a little while longer..but I will be gone the next day or so :)

@Lioness- You are welcome

Vow Keeper

May 20th, 2009
3:54 pm

Raqi Like one third of crowd such sorta became silent.

Because the average person don’t like being told what they can’t do.

Professor/Foots Yes, adultery is named as a cause for divorcing but forgiveness is the premise of the good book. I would think that would kick in before divorcing. You’re free to divorce in those circumstances but you’re still under your vows and not free to remarry. It says divorce not divorce and remarry. Can’t take vows on top of vows. Live out the vows with the first mate then take another. The vows still stands. Til death do you part.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
3:55 pm

W8 – the level of introspection needed after a divorce is much greater than folks have after dating someone. I applaud you for taking the time to work through your issues though.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
3:55 pm

@Tazzee- you have a point there. Sometimes people get into a relationship and try to throw Biblical Principles at it and God had no intention for you to marry that person in the first place..and then they wonder why all hell is breaking loose..lol

mytw♥cents

May 20th, 2009
3:56 pm

W8 You Just Might be deemed a HEATHEN when your torrid freak nasty playlist posts under Sister Etta Mae’s Verse o’ the day… Now make me a copy, thx!

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
3:59 pm

@Tazzee- eeh, it was nothing special I am just harder on myself than anyone could possibly be..and I try very hard not to make the same mistakes twice.and umm thanks..i think..lol

Vow Keeper

May 20th, 2009
3:59 pm

You chose them, they’re yours for life. We’re given free range to marry who we want/like. God is not into the picking spouses business. It’s not your choice of a spouse he’s holding you to, it’s the vows you made before him to do right by that spouse. That’s why the reverend says marriage is not to be entered into lightly.

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
4:00 pm

Tazzee – I agree with your 3:52. That I firmly believe.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
4:00 pm

@My.02-would you like that in regular CD or mp3 format..lol

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
4:01 pm

And a lot of folks don’t even make their vows before God.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
4:04 pm

W8 – that wasn’t meant to be a backhanded compliment at all, just think you’re being a little too hard on Foots. I’m just pointing out that you took vows before God and it was at an early age. With your divorce you REALLY took the time to get yourself right before getting back out there. When dating, I doubt many folks would take one failed relationshp and vow not to date that ‘type’ of person again. Especially if the failure of the relationship was not due to that ‘type’ In Foots example, she stated that 2 of the guys were ready to date again and they broke up for other reasons. So if she dated one that was ready first – I don’t think that’s reason to not date another divorced man.

That’s like if I date a man with a child and we break up, not because of the child but because he had horrendous breath and I couldn’t take it. I’m not going to rule out all other guys with children from my dating pool.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 20th, 2009
4:05 pm

@W8 …you did it smart.

I was one of those who thought I was “ready”. I got into a relationship before the paperwork was finished, eventually fugged that up, then I did the “playa” thing for a few years. Then one morning I realized that I did not like the person I had become, and did not recognize the man in the mirror anymore. That is when I took a sabbatical also. It really cleared my mind.

One frankly needs to be alone long enough to figure out who one is…and wants to be. I like your idea better. Mine left a bunch of scars.

Jamoca

May 20th, 2009
4:06 pm

…coming from around my sign, while stopping in my tracks

2PennyCandies – LOL…I thought that it was just me who noticed that! It was a trip wasn’t it!…well at least he ended the playlist with “Halo” hahahaaaa…even tho it was sung by Mrs. Carter. Hmmmph, the only thing I (the reincarnated Ms. Janie) liked about that song is Mr. TeaCake himself in the video…even though me know you don’ like the “movin’ picture show” Heheheee

Cee – I’ll bet there were a few bittersweet moments, but still beautiful the way folks used that moment to come together in her memory.

Demi ( Feeling like a pimp, though my pocket is saying krump change )

May 20th, 2009
4:06 pm

( Blow- Go Hard )

Lioness…um, ummmmm…Amen Sister…I luvit when a woman likes what I like (women)…LOL

(Lioness is now reburying Demi’s head in the sand)

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
4:06 pm

@Vow- You are losing me now with the first half on your 3:59

Foots

May 20th, 2009
4:08 pm

Demi You straight foolish! LOL

Vow Keeper Read carefully: “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

If it said this: “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, and marries another woman commits adultery.” I would agree with you. But that clause in the middle makes the difference in the way that the sentence is interpreted.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 20th, 2009
4:10 pm

Hey Demi…I’ve been watching your messages since you told us about the lil man. You seem to be getting your groove back. Congrats man. All is good (that is your line, right)?

DJ Sniper

May 20th, 2009
4:10 pm

IMHO, the whole thing about not marrying even after a legal divorce seems to be taking bible verses a bit too literally.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
4:10 pm

got into a relationship before the paperwork was finished, eventually fugged that up,

RandyT –

On the flip side, I know a girl that was getting divorced. Her husband was verbally abusive. She was having a rough time and leaned on a male friend. Well, she pushed him a way because she needed to take time, and all the right things you’re supposed to say when you are divorcing and nursing a broken heart.

Well, dude went to Church and asked God to send him a sign if he should pursue or not, and lo and behold, the lady I know was visiting that chuch and walked right out soon after he completed his prayer.

They were married soon after her divorce was final. She was grateful to have someone so emotionally supportive of her during that time, but she also knew a good man when she saw one.

Oh and for Blow…that lady just happened to be on of the women I took pole classes with. It was neat forming friendships with women of all different walks of life. :)

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
4:10 pm

@Tazzee_ I was not trying to be hard or rude towards Foots people on here speak their mind and have very little tact..I was just following suit..in the future I will make sure that I exercise a little more judgement with my responses.

@Randy- I feel you on that

Foots

May 20th, 2009
4:11 pm

W8 She’s saying that you are still married to your ex-wife.

LIONESS-Sexy as I Wanna Be

May 20th, 2009
4:13 pm

Demi-(Lioness is now reburying Demi’s head in the sand) and stomping on it!

Melo

May 20th, 2009
4:15 pm

11.55?? aaight Eileen,thanx! Im gon back to read it coz i forgot what i wrote but i stand by it :lol:

LIONESS-Sexy as I Wanna Be

May 20th, 2009
4:16 pm

I believe there should be a period of time a person goes without dating between relationships.. People who hop from relationship to relationship have issues within themselves..

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 20th, 2009
4:16 pm

Ared…great story, and I like the setting ;-)

W8 I know where you are coming from Bruh. It is hard as hellz, but one needs that time staring at the ceiling at 2:00 AM…to sort everything out.

Again, it is not about getting over someone, it is about finding out who you are.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
4:16 pm

@Foots- naw I cheated on her, unfaithful all of that extra stuff so I’m good on the divorce. I don’t think she was right in saying that God doesn’t pick our spouse or whatever was said

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
4:16 pm

Tazzee I have never thought about that. What if a marriage was not performed before a priest, reverend or rabbi? Does that law still stands true?

Things that make you go hmmm…

Alvin

May 20th, 2009
4:17 pm

Randyt it took me dang near 4 months!!!! Mayne, I started missing Demi, my dayum self…LOL.

It’s all to the good, bruh!!!

abc

May 20th, 2009
4:18 pm

The Bible verses say what they say, plain and simple. There’s not room for ‘interpretation’. It’s not that hard to find wiggle room, though — for instance, if you were married by a Justice of the Peace, not by a minister, not reciting vows before God, not marriage in a religious context, can you say that’s what God has joined together? Can you say you’re even married before God? Or do you simply have a legal agreement, a civil union? There’s a difference. A civil union is of man, a marriage is a covenant made with God.

Melo

May 20th, 2009
4:18 pm

Uall making me very guilty with ur grasp of bible knowledge/verses!

Foots

May 20th, 2009
4:20 pm

Thanks for trying to get the point across Tazzee. I had to say the same thing to my guy friend who had a bad experience dating women with children and said he’d never date another woman with a child again. I told him he couldn’t cancel out all women with kids because of those other women. It can seem like the same situation, but it can be as different as night and day.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
4:20 pm

Ared…great story, and I like the setting

RandyT – I will admit for a second I thought in my head, “you were still married heffa, you aren’t to find your soulmate as you go thru a divorce!”

But the overall sentiment was “awwwww….!!!” :lol: It was a really touching story and when she was giving details of how terribe her first husband was, I felt for her and knew she deserved true happiness.

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
4:20 pm

A civil union is of man, a marriage is a covenant made with God.

abc – That’s what I was thinking.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 20th, 2009
4:21 pm

“People who hop from relationship to relationship have issues within themselves”

ya reckon??? ;-0

Seen plenty of those. It is always fascinating that they see all of the faults in each of these ladies/men they get involved with…but when it fails, they never recognize the common denominator in the failed relationships.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
4:21 pm

@Randy- yup there were days when I couldn’t look myself in the eyes while at the mirror. I didn’t recognize nor like that person at all..so I had to take that time and get myself right before I went off and screwed up some woman’s life..it’s a good thing too..I dont feel bad about not having someone in the bed all the time or letting someone go when I see habits or instances that compromise my future goals.

LIONESS-Sexy as I Wanna Be

May 20th, 2009
4:21 pm

I LOVE MUSIQ’S Song So Beautiful!!!

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
4:22 pm

Thanks Jamoca – It’s still along way coming for us all. I’m healing alot faster than they my family down south. For one, they are living, in the same “space” Neri lived. So for me seeing the baby, her room, her bestfriends, pictures, and her what would have been her prom dress, yearbook,…brings back those emotions again.

At least her younger brother is not fighting every guy in town anymore. I think moving to Savannah with his dad help balance his rage and anger about it all.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
4:22 pm

people on here speak their mind and have very little tact..I was just following suit..

W8 – Aw Ricky Bobby, don’t put that on us! Just be yourself. If that type of response is in your nature….”do you.” There are plenty of people on here that have tons of tact! :D (AmazonRed has excluded herself from that group. :lol: )

Married until proven Single!

May 20th, 2009
4:24 pm

@AMAZON
i want to thank you for keeping it real. it just pisses me off that some bloggers can state the same as me and not get the gas face.

also, i only went by what i was told about him going thru a divorce. you and i both should know that everything a married man says is a lie.

have a good day bloggers!

Foots

May 20th, 2009
4:24 pm

W8 So that’s what it was that had her make you remove the guns from the house. You were having sleeping with others within your marriage, but the divorce triggered your abstinence for 3 years? If you could have stopped the adultery during your marriage, like you stopped the fornication after your divorce, you think you’d still be married to her today?

And according to Vow, your vows are still valid.

LIONESS-Sexy as I Wanna Be

May 20th, 2009
4:24 pm

Randy- I LOVE ME time because at the end of the day, I have to live with ME and my choices :)

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
4:24 pm

Lioness – I love it too – the beat is sexy!

Professor (living for the 3 day weekend)

May 20th, 2009
4:26 pm

The lady that used to do my hair had a wedding and her “husband” was suppose to pay the minister well long story short he never paid and the minister told them that they were not married because he did not mail or sign the official marriage certificate. Fast forward two or three years later when they started having problems (minister still waiting on his money). They went their separate ways and she said hell we are not married anyway. I guess that were looking at the legality of the matter, instead of the spiritual side.

To each its own, I am no Bible scholar but I felt they were married standing in a church and saying their vows. Hell if they were never married I want my gift back (and I told her this).

Raqi

May 20th, 2009
4:27 pm

abc how did I know you would have the answer. LOL

BTW I need to tell one of my coworkers that because she is so done with her husband and they don’t live together any more but she will not divorce because of what the bible says. She was married at the courthouse though. She may have an out.

As for me, I am in it all the way. LOL We had the reverend, the prayer, the blessing and the whole nine. But I ain’t trynna get loose either, so carry on Raqi. LOL

You all have a good evening.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 20th, 2009
4:27 pm

W8 what you said reminded me of the thing below…

The BEST Question of all to ask oneself at almost all junctures in the road:

“In light of my past experience, current circumstances, and future hopes and dreams…is this the wise thing to do”?

Asking that one question with consistency has the power to change every decision you are faced with.

Demi ( sitting at my desk with the happy/evil grin )

May 20th, 2009
4:27 pm

and stomping on it!

Lioness…you are into S&M?

(Staceye, I’ve founded us a friend…break out them whips’n'handcuff)

Lioness is now doing a reactment scene where is Demi drop into the sea from Pablo’s plane…THIS TIME…with hands and feet removed

(women I tell ya!)

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
4:29 pm

Raqi Even if the marriage was performed before a rabbi, priest, minister, etc. I still think folks put God in their mess after the fact. Like Vow said – marriage is not to be entered into lightly, but folks do it all the time. Even with pre-marital counseling, folks do it as a part of their marriage checklist. I doubt many go with the notion that, after their counseling, they may not get married.

That verse specifically says, ‘what God has joined together’ – it doesn’t say ‘all marriages’ or something general like that. Just like the three-fold cord mentioned in Ecclesiastes chapter 4, it’s only when God is in it that the union really endures.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
4:31 pm

you and i both should know that everything a married man says is a lie.

Angie – Whoa, why does it go there? I don’t believe that at all!

I really think you can’t get away with certain things because 1) you’re to old to be doing so and 2) your stories seem more recent then in the past. It’s really your perception tho, no one is going to come and lock you up because of the things you post. :lol:

But you are welcome.

LIONESS-Sexy as I Wanna Be

May 20th, 2009
4:31 pm

Prof-WTH?

LOL @ this story->http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/9593138/Woman-loses-tooth,-gets-stuck-in-Mets-toilet?GT1=39002

Randy- REal Talk!

LIONESS-Sexy as I Wanna Be

May 20th, 2009
4:33 pm

Demi-Real Talk!

Ared- Angie is WAY TOO OLD to do half of the crap she discusses.. Moreover, she is WAY TOO OLD to type the stuff she does!

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
4:33 pm

Lioness – that song reminds me of my guy. I’m not a fan of Musiq but when I listened to the words of that song, I heard some of the things my guy has said to me. As soon as I take the time, that will be his ringtone.

Making my own ringtones is one of my favorite iPhone features – it just takes time to get that thing ‘just’ right.

Melo

May 20th, 2009
4:33 pm

you and i both should know that everything a married man says is a lie.

:shock: :gasface: :evil:

Foots

May 20th, 2009
4:34 pm

W8 What’s she is really saying is that you’ll have to off your “ex” wife in order to remarry. Live out the vows with the first mate then take another. The vows still stands. Til death do you part. We won’t tell…

Randy “In light of my past experience, current circumstances, and future hopes and dreams…is this the wise thing to do”?

Good question. So how did you get that whole closet FULL of T-shirts? That question right there would have made you put a few T-shirts back on the rack before you took them home. LOL

Demi ( sitting at my desk with the happy/evil grin )

May 20th, 2009
4:34 pm

Professor…I am SHOCK at that couple’s behavior!!!

I can hear the pastor yelling in the background

I WANT MY CHECK DAYMMMM YOOOOOU!!!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
4:34 pm

but when it fails, they never recognize the common denominator in the failed relationships.

But so what tho? All of us will have failed relationship after failed relationship until one works. Sometimes you do have to work on self, other times, it’s just not your time.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
4:35 pm

@Foots- she got pissed at me because her parents were going thru a divorce and she thought the world of them and I said some VERY VERY VERY hateful things about her dad because he used to judge me and act like his stuff didnt stink..she sat around and thought about it and worked herself into a rage (and thats about as deep as im going on that one)..but nope I got married at the young age of 20 (to young) and because she was pregnant(Wrong reason) so nope we would not have still been together..I cheated for the good first four years of our relationship(She eventually forgave me..I came clean I didnt get caught), the last 5 were rough..because we were two different people) While I was in the service I was always traveling and was home for maybe 90 days a year sporadically…once I got out and we were around each other everyday..we didnt like each other so we had a peaceful divorce

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
4:35 pm

What’s she is really saying is that you’ll have to off your “ex” wife in order to remarry

Foots, you are killing me today. :lol: :lol: :lol:

LIONESS-Sexy as I Wanna Be

May 20th, 2009
4:36 pm

Taz- Musiq has some songs that I like but I LOVE songs about a mans feelings about his woman! Sexy as ever!

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
4:36 pm

LOL at melo’s :gasface:

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
4:37 pm

Sometimes you do have to work on self, other times, it’s just not your time.

Amred – I agree

And with that, I am out! Have a great evening good people!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 20th, 2009
4:38 pm

Foots…I got most of the t-shirts before I got smarter. One of the reasons an “over the hill white guy” (me) blogs here is because I have made every mistake known to man, and probably invented a few new ones that had God shaking his head wondering “where did THAT come from” LOL.

Maybe someone can get smarter, sooner…without the closet full of t-shirts.

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 20th, 2009
4:38 pm

W8….”I used to be a big time player before I was married and didnt want to get back into that life so I didn’t put myself into those positions to fall back.” Boy you are really ’bout to make a sista come out of hibernation! :lol: Hey….I may have to dance for ya! :lol:

MELO…don’t feel guilty. I do not take everything in the bible as the 100% ultimate truth. There is contradiction and lots of other things that would take a long time for me to go into. When people start scripture quoting my ADHD kicks into overdrive and I zone out! Basically 2 different people can read the exact same thing and get too different interpretations from it. Who is to say who is right and who is wrong? Its a common sense approach. I don’t just believe things because Pastor said so….or because that is what I was taught to believe. As a child…of course. But as an adult…you need to seek what your TRUE beliefs are. At least when I have to answer for something on Judgement day I can honestly say I did it because I really believed it to be true..not because Pastor said so!

LIONESS…you chose yet another song I have choreography to. I love that song!

DEMI…you are crazy man! :lol:

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
4:39 pm

@Randy- lol im in that mistake boat with ya..lo..I used to roll so hard Satan himself would be like naww bro Im staying home..

Demi

May 20th, 2009
4:42 pm

( Sometimes you do have to work on self, other times, it’s just not your time. )

A.red…Fist bump!!

Due to her forgetfulness of Demi’s height…A.red knock Demi the fugg out, on their fist bump attempt

Foots

May 20th, 2009
4:43 pm

Tazzee I doubt many go with the notion that, after their counseling, they may not get married.

Unfortunately, that’s true, though I do know of a few people who called off their engagements after counseling. It’s kind of like how most people feel when they have to read all those papers they give you when you close on a house. Even if they see something they don’t like or understand, most people aren’t going to leave that table without those keys. Sometimes they should.

Professor That’s kinda the point I made about the legality of marriage earlier. If they stood up there and made the decision to be married, that is what made the bond, not the paper. The paper just makes it legal and gives each other certain rights in the eyes of the state. If the bond is broken and two people make the decision to divorce, the paper is the only thing holding them together. It’s just waiting to clear the legal contract at that point. So I guess your friend was married in the eyes of God (spiritually), but not in the eyes of the state (legally).

What did you get them for their wedding present? You might be able to get Judge Mathis to get it back for you! :lol:

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
4:43 pm

I have made every mistake known to man, and probably invented a few new ones that had God shaking his head wondering “where did THAT come from” LOL.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

RandyT, we’re just glad you lived to tell us the stories.

Professor (living for the 3 day weekend)

May 20th, 2009
4:46 pm

@ Demi- when she first told me about her “husband” not paying the minister I did not think much about the matter. I figured they would work something out, needless to say the honeymoon was over and I figured they would PAY the man. So when they started having problems and she moved out and another girl moved in with him…she made the comment. He was about 28 at the time and she was under 25. I was like they are ill.

For some reason people will always tell me the crazy mess as if I can solve it…

Melo

May 20th, 2009
4:46 pm

Yeah Tazzee,Beautiful said sme gross.I wanted my gas face to spew in her face.

Demi

May 20th, 2009
4:47 pm

And Fellas, the latest bra technology for women is off the chain…I watch my female co-worker go from an A cup to a low C…I thought to myself:

I feel for any dude taking her home tonight.

For real/Slim…Skit please!!

Professor (living for the 3 day weekend)

May 20th, 2009
4:48 pm

@ Foots I gave them a gift card. She looked at me cross-eyed when I told her I wanted my Tar-jay gift card back.

Melo

May 20th, 2009
4:50 pm

2 different people can read the exact same thing and get too different interpretations from it

yeah yeah yeah.Thats why homo weddings etc are on the rise in cali…..That seady(sp) side of bizzness is booming in kalifornyaia(i felt like strangling that wrd like swazzhzinegger does)
The end is near!!!

Foots

May 20th, 2009
4:50 pm

Randy See Amazon’s statement: “All of us will have failed relationship after failed relationship until one works. Sometimes you do have to work on self, other times, it’s just not your time.”

Don’t beat yourself up too hard, it’s not always all you. Even if you were the smartest, wisest, most perfect man on Earth, some woman could still come around and blindside you.

That’s what I dislike about someone claiming that you’re the problem if all your relationships fail. Life isn’t that black and white. Sometimes it’s not about you, sometimes it IS them. Sometimes you do your best, and the person you’re trying to be with asks for more than you can give. Sometimes you choose “outer booty” over “inner beauty”. Anyway, we date, find out what we like and don’t like, and eventually (hopefully) all the cards will fall into place with chemistry and timing.

Demi

May 20th, 2009
4:52 pm

Professor…Heck, you call yourself a professor…what do you expect, LOL

the Professor, is now professionally choking ish outta Demi

(thinking to self: Women!!)

Foots

May 20th, 2009
4:52 pm

Professor Oh yeah! You could certainly use that Target gift card. I’ll be your witness when we make it on the show if you promise me you’ll buy me some Clean Breeze scented Tide when you go to Target to use the card. The liquid kind. I’ll be out after about three more washes, so we need to get moving.

Demi

May 20th, 2009
4:54 pm

(She looked at me cross-eyed when I told her I wanted my Tar-jay gift card back.)

You had all rights to slap the ish outta that woman!!

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
4:55 pm

I have made every mistake known to man, and probably invented a few new ones that had God shaking his head wondering “where did THAT come from” .”

I absolutley love the REALNESS of that!!

But God has seen it all, nothing new under the sun for my Jesus (read: G-sus!!)

~ Ya’ll have a good one.

Professor (living for the 3 day weekend)

May 20th, 2009
4:55 pm

@ Demi…LOL I need to stop letting these fools know that I am a Professor and just say I kick rocks or something for a living.

@ Foots…I got your cut! Let me go file my court papers

Melo

May 20th, 2009
4:55 pm

Demi,we need to get tgether man.Whats u doing memorial weekend??

Leggs

May 20th, 2009
4:55 pm

I certainly agree :arrow: “In light of my past experience, current circumstances, and future hopes and dreams…is this the wise thing to do”? When you can answer yes, then do it!

I agree w/all who said you should take time to reflect after a divorce or a breakup. You’re right, RandyT, you need that time to stare at the ceiling 2:00 in the morning wondering how the heck did I get in this situation!

Taking time for yourself and your emotions surely helps in not coming across needy, desparate and willing to hump anything with 2 legs (I couldn’t say that any nicer cuz I didn’t want to)!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 20th, 2009
4:56 pm

Foots you are right. It is not always (seldom even) about just one or the other. One of the lady’s I dated said something that was incredibly accurate and I see the wisdom of the comment even now almost daily. She said, “If it is not right for one, it is not right for either”. Very accurate (of course sometime after that she did break my heart LOL…”right” does not always mean painless does it?)

Melo

May 20th, 2009
4:56 pm

U too Staceye and leggs…

Professor (living for the 3 day weekend)

May 20th, 2009
4:57 pm

By the way Foots, your 4:50 was great…well said.

Melo

May 20th, 2009
4:57 pm

Hey Foots! Can i look at somebody on this pic resembling u, i think??
hmmmmmm.That man better deserve u…im jealous..

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
5:00 pm

That’s what I dislike about someone claiming that you’re the problem if all your relationships fail. Life isn’t that black and white. Sometimes it’s not about you, sometimes it IS them.

Foots, you know I love it! :)

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
5:01 pm

Denial is not just a river..lol

Catch you people in a day or so!

Professor (living for the 3 day weekend)

May 20th, 2009
5:02 pm

Wishing everyone a good evening.

Foots

May 20th, 2009
5:04 pm

melo Did you email it to me?

Randy I told somebody something like that too, but I said “You can’t love me enough for the both of us”. He thought his feelings for me would sustain us, even though I didn’t share those feelings. And someone basically said it to me too. You’re right, it was terribly painful. That’s what they mean by “the truth hurts”, I guess.

Demi

May 20th, 2009
5:05 pm

(…and just say I kick rocks or something for a living.)

I am chucking at that…But that’s not your style…You are who you are.

Night All.

For Real

May 20th, 2009
5:13 pm

Lets see what happening……

W-8 has discovered an untapped source of women. Apparently all you need to attract one is some lemonade and a hand full of fen-na-mints.

Demi has an unhappy pole in a married woman at work or something like that.

Foots has dated three dudes that had a problem processing a BM after they were divorced and apparently one of her friend married one of them and they now have a child that’s lactose intolerant.

Tmac sat on a wall, Tmac had a great fall. After 2E’s put his azz!

Dayumm apparently “til death do you part” ain’t divorce.

Ared: “I dated a well equipped separated man” – Wonder if she is talking about Truth.

Apparently W-8 lost his mancard for dancing on a pole.

Le Siren is threatening bust Vow Keeper in head with a pedestal

Apparently Cee attended a 1 year old party with stolen fish.

Dayum that Vow Keeper can shoal can take some punishment. First a pedestal to the head and now Foots puts a combination together

Awww ish Tmac just scratched 2E’s on her face.

Dayum Foots is in MMA mode she poured vanilla scented oil on Kimmie and body slammed her.

Ohhhhhhh 2E’s just kicked Tmac in one of his nuts but he didn’t go down

For Real now wrapping up some Black Cake for Sassy… Half says Happy Birthday, Half says Merry Christmas and the other Half says Wow Happy New Years!!!

Awwww dayum Vow Keeper getting her ish handed to her some she breaking out the bible quote. Why don’t you just tag out to KP!

Apparently 2Pennies has been drinking again at work.

“girl even with a step stool…a running start jump may be required!” – DAYUM!!! 2E’s is deeper than down!!

Vow Keeper

May 20th, 2009
5:15 pm

So God is good on swapping partners all over the place as long as you filed papers saying you erased the ink? GOOH!

Foots Not according to me, according to what I copied and paste. I didn’t write the good book.

And a lot of folks don’t even make their vows before God….if you state the vows, their before God. You make not have knowledge to that fact but if you take them, God is holding you to it.