Doing Too Much?
I was reading an article in the June issue of Essence that raised a couple of great questions about single and coupled up women. The article, entitled Body Shop asked how far would/should women go to get a man or please the one they have? Obviously this will vary a great deal from one person to the next.
The article referred to this quest to seek physical and sexual perfection in hopes of landing a man or keeping a man. Some women are taking classes in everything from cooking to pole dancing, to sex lessons to raise their profile on the dating scene. If it can impress a man with one of the tricks/tips they have learned in these classes, it is well worth the investment of money, time, and effort.
I decided that I am pretty much too lazy to be that pressed about getting a man and maybe that is my problem. Am I doing enough to get a man? Should I start enrolling in classes that will make me a soul food cooking, pole swinging, vixen in the bedroom kind of woman that men are drawn to?
Guys, does it really take all of this to attract you? Do you really find women with a well-rounded “education” in male attraction more fascinating? Are you meeting women that disclose the fact that they are taking these classes? How do you respond when they tell you?
Ladies, do you think women are doing too much to get a man? Is it desperate measures or are these actions spot on? Should more women try harder to improve their profile to a single man with classes like this? Have you taken a cooking, pole dancing, or sex class before? Was it a good experience for you? Did you learn a lot? Did it make you feel empowered?
Happy Wednesday!
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482 comments Add your comment
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
4:00 pm
@My.02-would you like that in regular CD or mp3 format..lol
kimmie
May 20th, 2009
4:01 pm
And a lot of folks don’t even make their vows before God.
Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)
May 20th, 2009
4:04 pm
W8 – that wasn’t meant to be a backhanded compliment at all, just think you’re being a little too hard on Foots. I’m just pointing out that you took vows before God and it was at an early age. With your divorce you REALLY took the time to get yourself right before getting back out there. When dating, I doubt many folks would take one failed relationshp and vow not to date that ‘type’ of person again. Especially if the failure of the relationship was not due to that ‘type’ In Foots example, she stated that 2 of the guys were ready to date again and they broke up for other reasons. So if she dated one that was ready first – I don’t think that’s reason to not date another divorced man.
That’s like if I date a man with a child and we break up, not because of the child but because he had horrendous breath and I couldn’t take it. I’m not going to rule out all other guys with children from my dating pool.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
May 20th, 2009
4:05 pm
@W8 …you did it smart.
I was one of those who thought I was “ready”. I got into a relationship before the paperwork was finished, eventually fugged that up, then I did the “playa” thing for a few years. Then one morning I realized that I did not like the person I had become, and did not recognize the man in the mirror anymore. That is when I took a sabbatical also. It really cleared my mind.
One frankly needs to be alone long enough to figure out who one is…and wants to be. I like your idea better. Mine left a bunch of scars.
Jamoca
May 20th, 2009
4:06 pm
…coming from around my sign, while stopping in my tracks
2PennyCandies – LOL…I thought that it was just me who noticed that! It was a trip wasn’t it!…well at least he ended the playlist with “Halo” hahahaaaa…even tho it was sung by Mrs. Carter. Hmmmph, the only thing I (the reincarnated Ms. Janie) liked about that song is Mr. TeaCake himself in the video…even though me know you don’ like the “movin’ picture show” Heheheee
Cee – I’ll bet there were a few bittersweet moments, but still beautiful the way folks used that moment to come together in her memory.
Demi ( Feeling like a pimp, though my pocket is saying krump change )
May 20th, 2009
4:06 pm
( Blow- Go Hard )
Lioness…um, ummmmm…Amen Sister…I luvit when a woman likes what I like (women)…LOL
(Lioness is now reburying Demi’s head in the sand)
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
4:06 pm
@Vow- You are losing me now with the first half on your 3:59
Foots
May 20th, 2009
4:08 pm
Demi You straight foolish! LOL
Vow Keeper Read carefully: “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
If it said this: “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, and marries another woman commits adultery.” I would agree with you. But that clause in the middle makes the difference in the way that the sentence is interpreted.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
May 20th, 2009
4:10 pm
Hey Demi…I’ve been watching your messages since you told us about the lil man. You seem to be getting your groove back. Congrats man. All is good (that is your line, right)?
DJ Sniper
May 20th, 2009
4:10 pm
IMHO, the whole thing about not marrying even after a legal divorce seems to be taking bible verses a bit too literally.
AmazonRed™
May 20th, 2009
4:10 pm
got into a relationship before the paperwork was finished, eventually fugged that up,
RandyT –
On the flip side, I know a girl that was getting divorced. Her husband was verbally abusive. She was having a rough time and leaned on a male friend. Well, she pushed him a way because she needed to take time, and all the right things you’re supposed to say when you are divorcing and nursing a broken heart.
Well, dude went to Church and asked God to send him a sign if he should pursue or not, and lo and behold, the lady I know was visiting that chuch and walked right out soon after he completed his prayer.
They were married soon after her divorce was final. She was grateful to have someone so emotionally supportive of her during that time, but she also knew a good man when she saw one.
Oh and for Blow…that lady just happened to be on of the women I took pole classes with. It was neat forming friendships with women of all different walks of life.
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
4:10 pm
@Tazzee_ I was not trying to be hard or rude towards Foots people on here speak their mind and have very little tact..I was just following suit..in the future I will make sure that I exercise a little more judgement with my responses.
@Randy- I feel you on that
Foots
May 20th, 2009
4:11 pm
W8 She’s saying that you are still married to your ex-wife.
LIONESS-Sexy as I Wanna Be
May 20th, 2009
4:13 pm
Demi-(Lioness is now reburying Demi’s head in the sand) and stomping on it!
Melo
May 20th, 2009
4:15 pm
11.55?? aaight Eileen,thanx! Im gon back to read it coz i forgot what i wrote but i stand by it
LIONESS-Sexy as I Wanna Be
May 20th, 2009
4:16 pm
I believe there should be a period of time a person goes without dating between relationships.. People who hop from relationship to relationship have issues within themselves..
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
May 20th, 2009
4:16 pm
Ared…great story, and I like the setting
W8 I know where you are coming from Bruh. It is hard as hellz, but one needs that time staring at the ceiling at 2:00 AM…to sort everything out.
Again, it is not about getting over someone, it is about finding out who you are.
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
4:16 pm
@Foots- naw I cheated on her, unfaithful all of that extra stuff so I’m good on the divorce. I don’t think she was right in saying that God doesn’t pick our spouse or whatever was said
Raqi...30 Days to ML
May 20th, 2009
4:16 pm
Tazzee I have never thought about that. What if a marriage was not performed before a priest, reverend or rabbi? Does that law still stands true?
Things that make you go hmmm…
Alvin
May 20th, 2009
4:17 pm
Randyt it took me dang near 4 months!!!! Mayne, I started missing Demi, my dayum self…LOL.
It’s all to the good, bruh!!!
abc
May 20th, 2009
4:18 pm
The Bible verses say what they say, plain and simple. There’s not room for ‘interpretation’. It’s not that hard to find wiggle room, though — for instance, if you were married by a Justice of the Peace, not by a minister, not reciting vows before God, not marriage in a religious context, can you say that’s what God has joined together? Can you say you’re even married before God? Or do you simply have a legal agreement, a civil union? There’s a difference. A civil union is of man, a marriage is a covenant made with God.
Melo
May 20th, 2009
4:18 pm
Uall making me very guilty with ur grasp of bible knowledge/verses!
Foots
May 20th, 2009
4:20 pm
Thanks for trying to get the point across Tazzee. I had to say the same thing to my guy friend who had a bad experience dating women with children and said he’d never date another woman with a child again. I told him he couldn’t cancel out all women with kids because of those other women. It can seem like the same situation, but it can be as different as night and day.
AmazonRed™
May 20th, 2009
4:20 pm
Ared…great story, and I like the setting
RandyT – I will admit for a second I thought in my head, “you were still married heffa, you aren’t to find your soulmate as you go thru a divorce!”
But the overall sentiment was “awwwww….!!!”
It was a really touching story and when she was giving details of how terribe her first husband was, I felt for her and knew she deserved true happiness.
kimmie
May 20th, 2009
4:20 pm
A civil union is of man, a marriage is a covenant made with God.
abc – That’s what I was thinking.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
May 20th, 2009
4:21 pm
“People who hop from relationship to relationship have issues within themselves”
ya reckon??? ;-0
Seen plenty of those. It is always fascinating that they see all of the faults in each of these ladies/men they get involved with…but when it fails, they never recognize the common denominator in the failed relationships.
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
4:21 pm
@Randy- yup there were days when I couldn’t look myself in the eyes while at the mirror. I didn’t recognize nor like that person at all..so I had to take that time and get myself right before I went off and screwed up some woman’s life..it’s a good thing too..I dont feel bad about not having someone in the bed all the time or letting someone go when I see habits or instances that compromise my future goals.
LIONESS-Sexy as I Wanna Be
May 20th, 2009
4:21 pm
I LOVE MUSIQ’S Song So Beautiful!!!
Cemeeli
May 20th, 2009
4:22 pm
Thanks Jamoca – It’s still along way coming for us all. I’m healing alot faster than they my family down south. For one, they are living, in the same “space” Neri lived. So for me seeing the baby, her room, her bestfriends, pictures, and her what would have been her prom dress, yearbook,…brings back those emotions again.
At least her younger brother is not fighting every guy in town anymore. I think moving to Savannah with his dad help balance his rage and anger about it all.
AmazonRed™
May 20th, 2009
4:22 pm
people on here speak their mind and have very little tact..I was just following suit..
W8 – Aw Ricky Bobby, don’t put that on us! Just be yourself. If that type of response is in your nature….”do you.” There are plenty of people on here that have tons of tact!
(AmazonRed has excluded herself from that group. 
)
Married until proven Single!
May 20th, 2009
4:24 pm
@AMAZON
i want to thank you for keeping it real. it just pisses me off that some bloggers can state the same as me and not get the gas face.
also, i only went by what i was told about him going thru a divorce. you and i both should know that everything a married man says is a lie.
have a good day bloggers!
Foots
May 20th, 2009
4:24 pm
W8 So that’s what it was that had her make you remove the guns from the house. You were having sleeping with others within your marriage, but the divorce triggered your abstinence for 3 years? If you could have stopped the adultery during your marriage, like you stopped the fornication after your divorce, you think you’d still be married to her today?
And according to Vow, your vows are still valid.
LIONESS-Sexy as I Wanna Be
May 20th, 2009
4:24 pm
Randy- I LOVE ME time because at the end of the day, I have to live with ME and my choices
kimmie
May 20th, 2009
4:24 pm
Lioness – I love it too – the beat is sexy!
Professor (living for the 3 day weekend)
May 20th, 2009
4:26 pm
The lady that used to do my hair had a wedding and her “husband” was suppose to pay the minister well long story short he never paid and the minister told them that they were not married because he did not mail or sign the official marriage certificate. Fast forward two or three years later when they started having problems (minister still waiting on his money). They went their separate ways and she said hell we are not married anyway. I guess that were looking at the legality of the matter, instead of the spiritual side.
To each its own, I am no Bible scholar but I felt they were married standing in a church and saying their vows. Hell if they were never married I want my gift back (and I told her this).
Raqi
May 20th, 2009
4:27 pm
abc how did I know you would have the answer. LOL
BTW I need to tell one of my coworkers that because she is so done with her husband and they don’t live together any more but she will not divorce because of what the bible says. She was married at the courthouse though. She may have an out.
As for me, I am in it all the way. LOL We had the reverend, the prayer, the blessing and the whole nine. But I ain’t trynna get loose either, so carry on Raqi. LOL
You all have a good evening.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
May 20th, 2009
4:27 pm
W8 what you said reminded me of the thing below…
The BEST Question of all to ask oneself at almost all junctures in the road:
“In light of my past experience, current circumstances, and future hopes and dreams…is this the wise thing to do”?
Asking that one question with consistency has the power to change every decision you are faced with.
Demi ( sitting at my desk with the happy/evil grin )
May 20th, 2009
4:27 pm
and stomping on it!
Lioness…you are into S&M?
(Staceye, I’ve founded us a friend…break out them whips’n'handcuff)
Lioness is now doing a reactment scene where is Demi drop into the sea from Pablo’s plane…THIS TIME…with hands and feet removed
(women I tell ya!)
Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)
May 20th, 2009
4:29 pm
Raqi Even if the marriage was performed before a rabbi, priest, minister, etc. I still think folks put God in their mess after the fact. Like Vow said – marriage is not to be entered into lightly, but folks do it all the time. Even with pre-marital counseling, folks do it as a part of their marriage checklist. I doubt many go with the notion that, after their counseling, they may not get married.
That verse specifically says, ‘what God has joined together’ – it doesn’t say ‘all marriages’ or something general like that. Just like the three-fold cord mentioned in Ecclesiastes chapter 4, it’s only when God is in it that the union really endures.
AmazonRed™
May 20th, 2009
4:31 pm
you and i both should know that everything a married man says is a lie.
Angie – Whoa, why does it go there? I don’t believe that at all!
I really think you can’t get away with certain things because 1) you’re to old to be doing so and 2) your stories seem more recent then in the past. It’s really your perception tho, no one is going to come and lock you up because of the things you post.
But you are welcome.
LIONESS-Sexy as I Wanna Be
May 20th, 2009
4:31 pm
Prof-WTH?
LOL @ this story->http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/9593138/Woman-loses-tooth,-gets-stuck-in-Mets-toilet?GT1=39002
Randy- REal Talk!
LIONESS-Sexy as I Wanna Be
May 20th, 2009
4:33 pm
Demi-Real Talk!
Ared- Angie is WAY TOO OLD to do half of the crap she discusses.. Moreover, she is WAY TOO OLD to type the stuff she does!
Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)
May 20th, 2009
4:33 pm
Lioness – that song reminds me of my guy. I’m not a fan of Musiq but when I listened to the words of that song, I heard some of the things my guy has said to me. As soon as I take the time, that will be his ringtone.
Making my own ringtones is one of my favorite iPhone features – it just takes time to get that thing ‘just’ right.
Melo
May 20th, 2009
4:33 pm
you and i both should know that everything a married man says is a lie.
Foots
May 20th, 2009
4:34 pm
W8 What’s she is really saying is that you’ll have to off your “ex” wife in order to remarry. Live out the vows with the first mate then take another. The vows still stands. Til death do you part. We won’t tell…
Randy “In light of my past experience, current circumstances, and future hopes and dreams…is this the wise thing to do”?
Good question. So how did you get that whole closet FULL of T-shirts? That question right there would have made you put a few T-shirts back on the rack before you took them home. LOL
Demi ( sitting at my desk with the happy/evil grin )
May 20th, 2009
4:34 pm
Professor…I am SHOCK at that couple’s behavior!!!
I can hear the pastor yelling in the background
I WANT MY CHECK DAYMMMM YOOOOOU!!!
AmazonRed™
May 20th, 2009
4:34 pm
but when it fails, they never recognize the common denominator in the failed relationships.
But so what tho? All of us will have failed relationship after failed relationship until one works. Sometimes you do have to work on self, other times, it’s just not your time.
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
4:35 pm
@Foots- she got pissed at me because her parents were going thru a divorce and she thought the world of them and I said some VERY VERY VERY hateful things about her dad because he used to judge me and act like his stuff didnt stink..she sat around and thought about it and worked herself into a rage (and thats about as deep as im going on that one)..but nope I got married at the young age of 20 (to young) and because she was pregnant(Wrong reason) so nope we would not have still been together..I cheated for the good first four years of our relationship(She eventually forgave me..I came clean I didnt get caught), the last 5 were rough..because we were two different people) While I was in the service I was always traveling and was home for maybe 90 days a year sporadically…once I got out and we were around each other everyday..we didnt like each other so we had a peaceful divorce
AmazonRed™
May 20th, 2009
4:35 pm
What’s she is really saying is that you’ll have to off your “ex” wife in order to remarry
Foots, you are killing me today.
LIONESS-Sexy as I Wanna Be
May 20th, 2009
4:36 pm
Taz- Musiq has some songs that I like but I LOVE songs about a mans feelings about his woman! Sexy as ever!