Doing Too Much?
I was reading an article in the June issue of Essence that raised a couple of great questions about single and coupled up women. The article, entitled Body Shop asked how far would/should women go to get a man or please the one they have? Obviously this will vary a great deal from one person to the next.
The article referred to this quest to seek physical and sexual perfection in hopes of landing a man or keeping a man. Some women are taking classes in everything from cooking to pole dancing, to sex lessons to raise their profile on the dating scene. If it can impress a man with one of the tricks/tips they have learned in these classes, it is well worth the investment of money, time, and effort.
I decided that I am pretty much too lazy to be that pressed about getting a man and maybe that is my problem. Am I doing enough to get a man? Should I start enrolling in classes that will make me a soul food cooking, pole swinging, vixen in the bedroom kind of woman that men are drawn to?
Guys, does it really take all of this to attract you? Do you really find women with a well-rounded “education” in male attraction more fascinating? Are you meeting women that disclose the fact that they are taking these classes? How do you respond when they tell you?
Ladies, do you think women are doing too much to get a man? Is it desperate measures or are these actions spot on? Should more women try harder to improve their profile to a single man with classes like this? Have you taken a cooking, pole dancing, or sex class before? Was it a good experience for you? Did you learn a lot? Did it make you feel empowered?
Happy Wednesday!
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482 comments Add your comment
Blow Me
May 20th, 2009
3:21 pm
MARRIED TIL GUILTY- No I was trying to bold my name…but I forgot how to do it? That’s why I was testing and all the other wierd stuff.
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
3:23 pm
@Kimmie-”W8 – You’re welcome – I look out for all my Dawgs! But she ain’t gonna be any easier on ya though, Foots tells it like it is!”
In her world
AmazonRed™
May 20th, 2009
3:23 pm
Oh an another thing, I was like 22 and not 40!
Foots
May 20th, 2009
3:24 pm
Vow Keeper Well, you can call me all kinds of names then, because if I end up divorced, I will date and I will certainly consider marrying again. And I would date a divorced man.
W8 See I know what I want and I am not settling until I find it, that’s my point.
Now if you see that this is your situation, why would it be difficult for you to see that it is mine also? Of course, without the failed marriage part. That’s why I don’t understand your point.
Jamoca
May 20th, 2009
3:26 pm
LOL @ Mo – how cute!…the little already has a foot fetish going on.
Cee – alright now…tell me you ALL did not realize that you had not sang happy birthday to Lil’ Nerie until 9 o’clock??!!!….black folks I tell ya! I bet it was a big event, as it should have been.
LOL @ Staceye! Talk about putting one’s face in it!
…and Demi, don’t tell me the cat’s gotcha tongue too. Where did you run off to man?…you’ll have to forgive me. I’m running off of nothing but rabbit food and tofu…lol.
Vow Keeper
May 20th, 2009
3:26 pm
Mark.10
2] And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.
[3] And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?
[4] And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.
[5] And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
[6] But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
[7] For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
[8] And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
[9] What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
[10] And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.
[11] And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.
[12] And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
3:26 pm
New Playlist started:
Soldier – Destiny’s Child
· Baby – LL Cool J
· Doin’ It – LL Cool J
· It – Prince
· Big Poppa – Biggie
· Anywhere – 112
· Love In This Club (remix) – Usher
· Funky Ride – Outkast
· Hotline – Pretty Ricky
· One In A Million (remix) – Aaliyah
· Pink & Blue – Andre
· Grind On Me – Pretty Ricky
· Promise – Ciara
· I Want You – Marvin Gaye
· Inside My Love – Trina Broussard
· So Anxious – Genuwine
· Secret Garden – Quincy Jones & crew
· Please Don’t Go – Boys II Men
· Ai Du – Ali Farka Toure
· Uhh-Ahh (the Sequel) – Boys II Men
· Halo – Beyonce
mytw♥cents
May 20th, 2009
3:27 pm
IV REAL In response to your question about wanting a wife “like” experience….GTFOH with that. Ilm so not a ‘If you like Coach bags, you’ll luv Cooch bags’ kinda gal. I’m patient enough to wait on the real thang.
Lil MO! I was thinkinin bout ya this mornin, wondering if you got them highlights in time for the Memorial day festivities…and uhm speaking of those can I tag along to one of ya cookouts? I know you got like 5 on deck…
Vow Keeper
May 20th, 2009
3:27 pm
I just posted that so you’ll know I wasn’t just making it up and where I’m coming from
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
3:28 pm
@Foots- what I am saying is that if a certain person with a “certain” type of situation did not work out why would you try again with someone in that same situation?
Staceye AKA Black Mamba
May 20th, 2009
3:28 pm
SASSY…since mine is December 2….I learned at an early age to tell folks there were 3 weeks between the 2 occasions and I knew there was another paycheck in there somewhere so stop being cheap!
LEGGS…girl even with a step stool…a running start jump may be required! : lol:
Melo
May 20th, 2009
3:29 pm
about you turning me down, I think I am ok with missing a frozen, dead nana hahaha
hehehe Tmac,u got jokes.
Keeps her tendons warmed up,just in case!
Staceye got a vibrator
Jamdun Queen
May 20th, 2009
3:30 pm
After reading the article in Essence, I left feeling that women were nothing more than objects to some men, and some women were also feeding into this concept. If you are a girlfriend, you should not be doing all these things to keep him and as a wife spicing up the relationship can be nice but why can’t he also do the belly dancing?
Foots
May 20th, 2009
3:32 pm
W8 Because they were in different situations. All men who are single are NOT all in the same situation. All women who are single are NOT all in the same situation. People are different emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, etc, even if they all can check the box on the same exact marital status.
Things haven’t worked out with you and single ladies so far, but aren’t you still dating them?
Cemeeli
May 20th, 2009
3:32 pm
@Blow – about 3 hours South. – Washington County/Dublin area.
kimmie
May 20th, 2009
3:32 pm
learned at an early age to tell folks there were 3 weeks between the 2 occasions and I knew there was another paycheck in there somewhere so stop being cheap!
Staceye – I love it!! My birthday is Jan 17. Folks are usually gifted out & broke by the time mine rolls around. Usually it’s a few snowflakes falling too and you know how crazy it is around here after a light dusting! But I’ve had some good birthdays though!
Raqi...30 Days to ML
May 20th, 2009
3:32 pm
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder
VowKeep My father-in-law stated that very verse at my reception.
Blow Me
May 20th, 2009
3:34 pm
Relax BOOTIFUL and ARed….Chill…you both sound equally stupid trying to justify one over the other. Its wrong even if he is proceeding to get a divorce. Married is MARRIED. There is no GRAY area. You either are or you aren’t.
You both are silly and dizzy! lmao!
Jamoca
May 20th, 2009
3:34 pm
Hmmmm…very good point in your 3:32, Foots.
Vow Keeper
May 20th, 2009
3:35 pm
Raqi As much as it pains us, it’s true
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
May 20th, 2009
3:36 pm
I think all of us here technically know what is right and wrong. It is just a good thing that Christianity is about foregiveness, not perfection. A church is not a monument to the pure, it is a hospital for the wounded.
AmazonRed™
May 20th, 2009
3:36 pm
you both sound equally stupid trying to justify one over the other.
Blow and you sound stupid thinking I’m trying to justify anything. I shared my experience. I didn’t say it’s something I’d do in 2009! I did it, it was wrong and I NEVER DID IT AGAIN. I’m not sitting up here telling stories about some marry man I’ve befriended at 40.
Big difference.
Demi ( Feeling like a pimp, though my pocket is saying krump change )
May 20th, 2009
3:37 pm
W8…stop before Jamoca go flo-rida on me, lol
Moca…i am good, just getting back from lunch…
Demi would like to thanks all his Georgian Peaches for rockin them sun dresses that stop two inches above the knee, today. It was a treat!!!
Staceye AKA Black Mamba
May 20th, 2009
3:37 pm
MELO…tendons are not in that area….its the Kegel muscles. And yes…mine are fine!
Blow Me
May 20th, 2009
3:38 pm
Okay well since you said that ARED that makes it a bit different. 22 is understandble eventhough that is STILL not right. But 40 thats to damn ole to go for the shenigigans!! Ya playin ya self
bOOTIFUL..yo azz should know better at 40 not to be wasting anytime with a married man. Why would you set yourself up to deal with a man who is currently unavailable emotionally?
AmazonRed™
May 20th, 2009
3:38 pm
Things haven’t worked out with you and single ladies so far, but aren’t you still dating them?
LOL @ Foots!!!
Anthor reason the whole “keep doing what you’re doing” quote doesn’t work for me.
Foots
May 20th, 2009
3:40 pm
Vow Keeper While we are quoting, check out Matthew 19:9 “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
So would you be open to dating a man who is divorced because he said his wife cheated on him? That’s allowed, because it’s not adultery if the marriage was dissolved because of infidelity. Or would you not give him the chance to explain his divorce circumstance to you?
Professor (living for the 3 day weekend)
May 20th, 2009
3:41 pm
I am just checking in and taking a break from the 9-5. I saw that we are reading from the New Testament today…the Book of Mark.
Vow Keeper- I have read this passage before in Mark, however you should have listed the passages in Mathew Chapters 5 and 19 which states that you can divorce for sexual immorality.
But hey I came in here because I wanted to discuss something light and fun work in stressful enough so I am not here to condemn, but I had to say that.
Blow Me
May 20th, 2009
3:41 pm
I recant that ARED….PLEASE READ 3:38. Thanks
AmazonRed™
May 20th, 2009
3:42 pm
Okay well since you said that ARED that makes it a bit different. 22 is understandble eventhough that is STILL not right.
Well no shyt Shirlock! Point me to where I said it was right?
The question was asked and I answered honestly. I thought we were supposed to “keep it real.” (Like I’m going to do anything but
)
Jamoca
May 20th, 2009
3:43 pm
…back on strike…hurry up MD weekend!
Professor (living for the 3 day weekend)
May 20th, 2009
3:43 pm
@ Foots…I see we are on the same page. I am waiting on Vow Keeper.
AmazonRed™
May 20th, 2009
3:44 pm
I recant that ARED….PLEASE READ 3:38. Thanks
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
3:44 pm
@Foots _ was specifically targeting your comment about 3 divorced men and to let you in my world, I got divorced didnt think about a relationship for a few years..a lot of years..I wasnt ready for one..drowned myself at work and traveled the world after that I still was not ready..i did some counseling and now I am picking and choosing..because I finally see myself as fit to be the husband that I am supposed to be..I went a total of 3 years with no sex no dates no nothing..I used to be a big time player before I was married and didnt want to get back into that life so I didn’t put myself into those positions to fall back.
Raqi...30 Days to ML
May 20th, 2009
3:44 pm
VowKeep It was funny because every one was holding their drink of choice and just randomly giving their warm wishes, encouraging words and shout outs to us from the crowd and we were toasting to them all. When my f-i-l was giving his speech folks were sanctioning what he was saying with raised glasses and all…until he said that line. LOL Like one third of crowd such sorta became silent.
Cemeeli
May 20th, 2009
3:47 pm
Jamoca -It was a lil late in the evening to be singing Happy Birthday songs to babygirl but she’d had her naps and was good. The party was a blast! She got (cause i was the gift-opener) 43 complete outfits and 12 pairs of shoes. Toys??? I don’t know.
I think the entire High school stopped by and gave the baby something! The teenagers (guys and girls) are still really hurt and sadden by her death. Some were crying when they left the party…it was bitter sweet.
My cousin has pleaded with the teenagers not to bring so many gifts for the baby becuase there is nowhere to put all of it. Most of it she’s never going to play with.
LIONESS-Going Shopping Shortly
May 20th, 2009
3:47 pm
Blow- Go Hard
W8- Thanks Babe
Randy T- I agree with your last comment
Foots
May 20th, 2009
3:49 pm
W8 I’m still not sure what you want me to say.
Just tell me and I’ll say it and you can move on.
Professor (living for the 3 day weekend)
May 20th, 2009
3:51 pm
@ Vow Keeper I had someone very close to me use that verse in Mark to keep from getting out of an abusive relationship. I was very young at the time and I will never forget that I told her if you divorce him for whacking you upside your head, before the divorce is final he would be out there with someone else so your divorce will be legit. Well she finally divorced him when she got sick and tired and she laughed (years later) and told me what I said made sense because she always knew he was out there anyway.
Eileen
May 20th, 2009
3:52 pm
@ Melo 11:55 post – I absolutely get you ^^^555
Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)
May 20th, 2009
3:52 pm
A very good friend of mine made a good point about Mark 10:9 – not every marriage was joined by God.
Demi ( Feeling like a pimp, though my pocket is saying krump change )
May 20th, 2009
3:53 pm
Foots!!
Are you saying…Vow…Is full of ish?
That’s some bullish!!!
‘Cause I agree
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
3:53 pm
@Foots- No sweetie I wont tell you what to say. I’ll be around a little while longer..but I will be gone the next day or so
@Lioness- You are welcome
Vow Keeper
May 20th, 2009
3:54 pm
Raqi Like one third of crowd such sorta became silent.
Because the average person don’t like being told what they can’t do.
Professor/Foots Yes, adultery is named as a cause for divorcing but forgiveness is the premise of the good book. I would think that would kick in before divorcing. You’re free to divorce in those circumstances but you’re still under your vows and not free to remarry. It says divorce not divorce and remarry. Can’t take vows on top of vows. Live out the vows with the first mate then take another. The vows still stands. Til death do you part.
Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)
May 20th, 2009
3:55 pm
W8 – the level of introspection needed after a divorce is much greater than folks have after dating someone. I applaud you for taking the time to work through your issues though.
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
3:55 pm
@Tazzee- you have a point there. Sometimes people get into a relationship and try to throw Biblical Principles at it and God had no intention for you to marry that person in the first place..and then they wonder why all hell is breaking loose..lol
mytw♥cents
May 20th, 2009
3:56 pm
W8 You Just Might be deemed a HEATHEN when your torrid freak nasty playlist posts under Sister Etta Mae’s Verse o’ the day… Now make me a copy, thx!
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
3:59 pm
@Tazzee- eeh, it was nothing special I am just harder on myself than anyone could possibly be..and I try very hard not to make the same mistakes twice.and umm thanks..i think..lol
Vow Keeper
May 20th, 2009
3:59 pm
You chose them, they’re yours for life. We’re given free range to marry who we want/like. God is not into the picking spouses business. It’s not your choice of a spouse he’s holding you to, it’s the vows you made before him to do right by that spouse. That’s why the reverend says marriage is not to be entered into lightly.
kimmie
May 20th, 2009
4:00 pm
Tazzee – I agree with your 3:52. That I firmly believe.