Doing Too Much?
I was reading an article in the June issue of Essence that raised a couple of great questions about single and coupled up women. The article, entitled Body Shop asked how far would/should women go to get a man or please the one they have? Obviously this will vary a great deal from one person to the next.
The article referred to this quest to seek physical and sexual perfection in hopes of landing a man or keeping a man. Some women are taking classes in everything from cooking to pole dancing, to sex lessons to raise their profile on the dating scene. If it can impress a man with one of the tricks/tips they have learned in these classes, it is well worth the investment of money, time, and effort.
I decided that I am pretty much too lazy to be that pressed about getting a man and maybe that is my problem. Am I doing enough to get a man? Should I start enrolling in classes that will make me a soul food cooking, pole swinging, vixen in the bedroom kind of woman that men are drawn to?
Guys, does it really take all of this to attract you? Do you really find women with a well-rounded “education” in male attraction more fascinating? Are you meeting women that disclose the fact that they are taking these classes? How do you respond when they tell you?
Ladies, do you think women are doing too much to get a man? Is it desperate measures or are these actions spot on? Should more women try harder to improve their profile to a single man with classes like this? Have you taken a cooking, pole dancing, or sex class before? Was it a good experience for you? Did you learn a lot? Did it make you feel empowered?
Happy Wednesday!
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482 comments Add your comment
Blow Me
May 20th, 2009
1:34 pm
TEST
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
1:34 pm
@PG- I could see Dallas happening quickly
Hmm I dont think a guy would ever fully respect or trust a woman he met while he was already married…well not enough to make her Queen Bee
Blow Me
May 20th, 2009
1:35 pm
BLOW ME How do you bold again? I forgot
Raqi...30 Days to ML
May 20th, 2009
1:36 pm
when you meet a triflin’ woman, ask her. lol. that heffa will have a answer for yo azz.
This is Raqi sitting on her hands so she will not push the submit button.
Foots
May 20th, 2009
1:37 pm
Too much said to catch up. My first post got eaten, but I was saying that I have always loved dance and have taken many forms of it. Dance has always been my exercise because it doesn’t bore me and I can keep it up. Pole dancing was an extension of my sensuality and was a great form of exercise, so it was a win-win for me. I never enrolled with the thought of getting a man, it was just me wanting to try something sexy and new and get cardio at the same time, but the fact that I know what I know makes the relationship I’m in a little spicier at times. My endurance is low from being out of it for a while, but I definitely plan to get back into it when I have time.
Poppa Grande
May 20th, 2009
1:37 pm
Cee
What up? I’m sooo not enjoying coming back to work from lunch. ugh…i want to go back outside.
Things are good. I feel for ya. I am working from my front porch at home. Wi-fi is a beautiful thang. It is a nice day. I looking over at my ghetto mailman taking a nap in the cut (dead end of the street)….
Should I tell on him? After all, he gets paid from Federal funds….
Tmac
May 20th, 2009
1:37 pm
I just smell lil hypocracy there….
You dont need dont mean every single woman dont need. Needing a man for whatever reason, financial, sexual, courtship, religous belief, dosnt make a woman a desperate nor whatever…
East Point's Own
May 20th, 2009
1:38 pm
Le Siren I only endorse the best… even if I know you I won’t endorse you unless I have full faith in your abilities…I have known some of the instructors at dance411 for 10 years now, and they definitely get my seal of approval.
Raqi...30 Days to ML
May 20th, 2009
1:38 pm
Tazzee girl watching manual labor is an aphrodisiac.
Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)
May 20th, 2009
1:38 pm
Raqi – you are a MESS!!!
LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!
May 20th, 2009
1:39 pm
Raqi- LMAO!! I was thinking the same thing.. LAWD!!
Musiq & Anthony Hamilton @ the Fox June 25th.. Think I want to go..
LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!
May 20th, 2009
1:40 pm
PG- Tell on him
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
1:40 pm
@PG- I always see the mailmen sleeping..now when I am NY I see the coolest mailmen walking delivering mail..lol hat sideways..baggy jeans..delivering mail..just pimpin..lol
KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)
May 20th, 2009
1:41 pm
Co-sign W8’s 1:29PM post.
People entertain relationships with married people because of an emotional or physical gap that needs to be filled. Many are willing to accept the role of 2nd fiddle because of low self esteem and have trouble understanding their own self-worth. Some men/women like playing co-pilot because they don’t have to deal with the day-to-day challenges of being the full-time husband/wife.
Foots
May 20th, 2009
1:42 pm
Lioness She didn’t mention when the divorce would be final AT ALL, nor if it had already started. Two years ago when they started dating, he was legally separated. Now, he is still legally separated. What move has he made to dissolve the marriage in TWO YEARS time?
She’s directing her frustration in the wrong place, at his wife. She needs to direct it at him and ask him if he plans to get a divorce and move on.
Poppa Grande
May 20th, 2009
1:43 pm
W8
Imagine the Patriots doing the Wildcat formation on the goal line with both Vick and Randy Moss as a threat.
Wildcat is a fad but it will stay in the NFL until it is stopped.
LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!
May 20th, 2009
1:43 pm
Foots- LAME azz chick! I just had to post the story because desperate women are EVERYWHERE! Goodness!
Foots
May 20th, 2009
1:44 pm
Wise Can you check the filter for my posts? It keeps eating them.
DJ Sniper
May 20th, 2009
1:45 pm
PG, the interim tag was removed from Singletary’s job. He got a 4 year contract.
Raqi...30 Days to ML
May 20th, 2009
1:46 pm
Tazzee LOL Calling someone a triflin heffa and you was just up in here last week talking about being hooked on the married dude that you work with.
I am the first to call myself a dumb chick for allowing myself to get mixed up with a married man. So now when I see another dumb chick I slap her with a brick. But I ain’t about to try to justify my actions and then call someone else in the same condition triflin.
But then again I guess trife recognizes trife, like dumb recognizes dumb.
Cemeeli
May 20th, 2009
1:47 pm
Poppa Wi-Fis, and front porches, and feeling the breezes, won’t get you first hand knowledge of how Elizabeth was 1 hour late b/c she had to break up a fight over the phone with her son and dauter inlaw at 3am in the morning. Then turned around and deposit $2600 into DIL account to cover frivolish spending on a trip to Carribean 2 weeks ago. Then asks me if i could cover b/c she’s leaving at 2:30 today.
Now beat that! I’m in Heaven!!!
Don’t tell on mailman…he needs to deliver and keep a job after he wakes up.
LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!
May 20th, 2009
1:49 pm
Raqi- Couldn’t help yourself I see..
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
1:50 pm
@PG- I know the Wildcat helped Miami out alot so I was thinking that’s why Vick would be a good fit for the Rams and he would be playing on turf there
Foots
May 20th, 2009
1:52 pm
Lioness There are so many different cases with a situation like this and not all of them scream desperation to me. One of my good friends met a man who was in the process of a divorce. The divorce was not easy on anybody involved, and it took over a year to be finalized, but it turned out fine. They are married with a new baby now.
But each case is different, and from your story, it sounds as though he was legally separated before they met and he was not living with the wife. My point is that he needs to move forward with the divorce if he intends to be in a new relationship and she needs to take out her frustration on him that this is not happening, not his wife. The one that needs to truly let go of his old relationship is him and she needs to remove herself from the situation until he makes moves to let go.
Raqi...30 Days to ML
May 20th, 2009
1:53 pm
Lioness LOL I tried hard.
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
1:55 pm
lol@Ce- Hell I’m with PG on the Wi-Fi tip..I’m at home upstairs on the couch windows open in my cargo shorts and UGA t-shirt, trying to talk a guy down in Oklahoma for the price of 1970 Chevelle SS..life is peaceful…until my daughter comes afterschool with all of her hyper little friends…wooosaaaaa
LIONESS-Going Shopping Shortly
May 20th, 2009
1:55 pm
Foots- Are you ok with dating a dude if he is in the divorce process?
Leggs
May 20th, 2009
1:55 pm
The bottom line is there’s nothing wrong with/self-improvement. Yes, best if done for yourself, but not always the case. To do it solely to snag a man and not keep up with the self-improvement will only lead to someone straying, or divorce. Why not represent “yourself” up front and call it a day!
@Melo – loved your 11:55.
I never understood those that stay separated forever. Some have told me its about liqudation of assets. Well, that’s a price you have to pay if you truly want to no longer be a part of someone. This 25 year old young lady will be writing a Strawberry Letter in 5 years wondering WTH Happened W/Her Life!
Poppa Grande
May 20th, 2009
1:55 pm
Sniper
I know that get isn’t interim. I just compared him being the interim and being the man. He was interim last year after Nolan got canned. Permanent job and interim job aren’t the same. One has more of focus on now and the other has a little of a long term outlook to it.
Cee
I won’t tell on him. I’ve caught him before. Now he brings my mail up to me when he sees me on the porch.
LIONESS-Going Shopping Shortly
May 20th, 2009
1:56 pm
Rather.. Do you think it is ok for a person to date a person that is going through a divorce?
Poppa Grande
May 20th, 2009
1:56 pm
Cee
Plus I saw the mailman at K&K Soulfood earlier. That is where I got my lunch. He is due a nap after that.
LIONESS-Going Shopping Shortly
May 20th, 2009
1:57 pm
PG- LOL @ the mailman having the itis..
kimmie
May 20th, 2009
1:59 pm
Lioness – That sounds like one of those Strawberry letters on Steve Harvey show. Trife, pure & simple.
I too support Vick. It was blown way out of proportion and we all know why. SOME folks get more upset about some dogs than they do a human being. But he’s more than paid his debt to society.
Back on topic – Someone wrote earlier that we’re working/focusing on the wrong things. That is so true. If the competition is so “fierce” that you think you have to take pole classes or get plastic surgery to get a leg up – guess what? Soon you will again be old hat and nothing special because EVERYONE would have done the same thing! It will all boil down to, like it has since the beginning of time and does still now, SUBSTANCE! Be a person of substance and substance you will attract! Work on building good character as hard as you do at those pole classes and you won’t have anything to worry about.
There are no shortcuts people! That was one thing mom drilled into me. It’s still all about substance!
Elijah
May 20th, 2009
2:00 pm
@W8 and others I think we are jumping to conclusions about a married person/legally seperated would not trust the person they are having the relationship with! Their are many who have found their mates after seperation!
@PG I like the possible fit with San Fran, due to the fans being so liberal they might receive MV with open arms. Plus their QB situation is not that good!
Raqi@ So when Mason cuts the grass is he guarantee to get some?
You are too funny!
Tazzee you better get into those cooking classes your SO needs more then a salad!
Oops Elija giving Tazzee orders here comes the ……
Demi ( Feeling like a pimp, though my pocket is saying krump change )
May 20th, 2009
2:01 pm
Mayne…I am getting tired of tricking off in home depot…The second I leave, I see another bad tool I want!!!
Demi is depress…Lioness, hold me
Poppa Grande
May 20th, 2009
2:04 pm
W8
It seems as though the Rams are in rebuilding mode. That is my hesitation on them for Vick. They got rid of Orlando Pace (drafted a younger version of him) and Tory Holt is gone too.
That sounds like a team trying to build for the future. So, I don’t what to think about them. Since Ms. Georgia Frontiere -owner (sp?) died they seemed to be a little helter skelter in identity.
Jamoca
May 20th, 2009
2:04 pm
Hello you all!
2PennyCandies/Cee – Dang ya’ll! I call myself going on strike from posting until someone confirms that Wise is driving around in a Geo Prism! Lol…j/k
To be honest, I did not want to come back! It was very nice! Got there early to find a nice spot on the sand…next “go round” I’m so serious when I say that I’m making it out there in time to just sit and watch the sun rise…there are some true healing powers in the sun.
Now as for topic…. Raqi LMAO Did we not just have this discussion??!!…can’t go blaming your latest spew on “Lil’ Miss Lizzie Adalyn” …that’s all you, ma! …and a dayum good call! I caught the visual of you sitting on your hands and fidgiting (sp?) around at your desk, your afternoon snack…heyal!…anything to distract you! HA!
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
May 20th, 2009
2:05 pm
Hello All…definitely late to the party.
My $0.02…are we talking about relationships or are we talking about just finding someone to date? These are totally different goals and should be treated as such. For one seeking a long term relationship, I think the following apply.
1) One should concentrate on being the best person they can be, not learn “talents” to attract the opposite sex. Take the time to actually analyze EXACTLY what you are wanting in a long term SO, AND BECOME THAT PERSON YOURSELF. In the relationship world, you will attract the type of person you portray because even though there is a magnetic attraction to opposites, “likes” feel most comfortable around other “likes”.
2. As I think someone else noted above, these “talents” are relationship “enhancers” not relationship “starters”. Think this through for just a second. If you are in a relationship most men tend to want a combination of “mother and other”. Learn to “pole dance” AFTER you have established a relationship and you enhance the relationship. When you go up to someone at a bar and say “I can pole dance”, is that a “relationship starter” or is it an “alright, I get a chance to hit a Cheetah Club wannabe”? Think about it.
Ultimately you will get the outcome that you project that you want, not necessarily the one you want. Package your assets for the outcome YOU want.
AmazonRed™
May 20th, 2009
2:06 pm
imma have to agree with W8 on this one. There is only one pole that I need/desire my man to have between his legs
Raqi – Find where I disgreed with that lady!
AmazonRed™
May 20th, 2009
2:08 pm
Before getting hitched my marido never told me I was a good girlfriend or that I would make a good wife.
Yeah, I don’t really see how someone saying that would make any difference. Especially if he’s not marrying you.
Foots
May 20th, 2009
2:09 pm
Lioness It wouldn’t be my best choice of situation, but yes, if I met a man and he was in the middle of a divorce, I would give him a chance. It might stay light until all of the legal stuff is out of the way, but if I felt he was worth it, I’d get to know him.
AmazonRed™
May 20th, 2009
2:11 pm
This is Raqi sitting on her hands so she will not push the submit button.
AmazonRed is following Raqi’s lead…:lol:
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
2:15 pm
@Elijah/Foots- Different strokes for different folks. Whatever path you take to get to your desired goal is on you
Raqi...30 Days to ML
May 20th, 2009
2:16 pm
Elijah are you asking if the grass gets watered more often to guarantee some action? LOL
That reminds of one time I was at his house for the weekend and we had an argument. He was angry with me. Angry enough to not want to have sex. That’s cool. I waited to hear the slightest grunt from him ‘cause I know he is pretty much on his way to sleep then. I took his cell phone and put it on the table on the side of the bed that I was sleeping, slipped of my shirt, called his cell phone, he woke up reached over me to answer it…
I am a bad, bad girl.
AmazonRed™
May 20th, 2009
2:16 pm
Are you ok with dating a dude if he is in the divorce process?
I did this once. It wasn’t even his ex that was the problem. She had moved 1000 miles away and took their son. However, he did want to get his date on again and wanted to date several women at a time.
All in all, I definitely could have waited til the divorce was final. Life is short, but when you are in a drama filled relationship, it seems long as hell.
DJ Sniper
May 20th, 2009
2:18 pm
Elijah, some people have said that San Fran might not be a good fit for Vick. Not because of the team itself, but because that area is known for being a haven for animal lovers, so they think that Vick’s prescence will bring a lot of negative pub to the team.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
May 20th, 2009
2:20 pm
@Lioness and Foots re: dating a man in the middle of a divorce.
Bad idea. As a “divorced man” and a man whose friends are all divorced (and have either experienced or heard stories about all that happens in this delicate time), you are just asking for a heartburn. There is a reason for all of the divorce books, counselors etc. telling someone to wait before dating after a divorce. This is the period where a man is the most needy, has the most baggage he will ever have in his life, has a boatload of unresolved anger/bitterness etc., and nerve endings you will hit. Everyone of us think we are the exception, that we are “whole”, that we are READY. That is when men do the stupidest, least thought through, WTF was I thinking things.
I’m telling you…”abandon all hope, all yee who enter here”. It can and in almost all instances will get you totally fugged up. The marriage does not end with the paperwork, you still have to clean out the “suitcases” before you are whole. I know.
Leggs
May 20th, 2009
2:21 pm
Perhaps I missed something, but I haven’t read one woman on here that said they’re taking pole dancing or any other form of dancing to get a man. Competition can be looked at as being fierce, if that’s what you want to call it, yet you still have to be yourself. In time, you will attract the right one for you. Seems like quite a few ladies here have taking pole dancing/exotic dancing. Bet quite a few haven’t even danced for a man yet!
@Staceye, lis sis, I know you have. @ARed, I know you have as well. What about the other ladies. Just about every one on here are taking the classes as a form of exercise and learning a new skill that won’t necessarily get a man but will surely add spice to the relationship when needed!
Demi ( Feeling like a pimp, though my pocket is saying krump change )
May 20th, 2009
2:22 pm
Donning sexy man’s swim trunks and scrolling over to Jamoca with the most gangstalish bruh man walk,/i>
(Let me take off all your clothes.
We’ll disconnect the phone so nobody knows.
Let me light a candle,
So that we can make it better.
Makin’ love until we drown.)
(I wanna sex you up.
All night.
You make me feel real good.
I wanna rub you down.
I wanna sex you up.)
Jamocha is burying Demi’s head in the sand
Cemeeli
May 20th, 2009
2:25 pm
PoppaG Mailman Dennis deserve a nap. As long as he gets that mail deliverd. Like you said…after a meal for K&K he’s bound to be knocked out in a few…
W8 Just laying it on think, ain’t cha? Well, some of us acatually W.O.R.K. instead of laying around the house in funky clothes for umteen days ago. Go wash!!!!
I call myself going on strike from posting until someone confirms that Wise is driving around in a Geo Prism!”
Jamoca Gurl you are silly. I want my GEO!