Doing Too Much?
I was reading an article in the June issue of Essence that raised a couple of great questions about single and coupled up women. The article, entitled Body Shop asked how far would/should women go to get a man or please the one they have? Obviously this will vary a great deal from one person to the next.
The article referred to this quest to seek physical and sexual perfection in hopes of landing a man or keeping a man. Some women are taking classes in everything from cooking to pole dancing, to sex lessons to raise their profile on the dating scene. If it can impress a man with one of the tricks/tips they have learned in these classes, it is well worth the investment of money, time, and effort.
I decided that I am pretty much too lazy to be that pressed about getting a man and maybe that is my problem. Am I doing enough to get a man? Should I start enrolling in classes that will make me a soul food cooking, pole swinging, vixen in the bedroom kind of woman that men are drawn to?
Guys, does it really take all of this to attract you? Do you really find women with a well-rounded “education” in male attraction more fascinating? Are you meeting women that disclose the fact that they are taking these classes? How do you respond when they tell you?
Ladies, do you think women are doing too much to get a man? Is it desperate measures or are these actions spot on? Should more women try harder to improve their profile to a single man with classes like this? Have you taken a cooking, pole dancing, or sex class before? Was it a good experience for you? Did you learn a lot? Did it make you feel empowered?
Happy Wednesday!
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482 comments Add your comment
Staceye AKA Black Mamba
May 20th, 2009
12:45 pm
LIONESS…already got a dance to it girl!
I heard it in the car and starting choreography while driving!
RAQI…you are right about that. You can do the moves while seated now. It will help strengthen the muscles.
KIMMIE…my mami taught me not to even go to the bodega without fixing myself up. She got stuck in the elevator one time aftre leaving the bodega and when the firemne pulled her out…the keot saying how she smelled good and was so pretty. She just went to get a 6 pack. Granted by teh time they took her out she had drank half of it!
But never the less she had on a denim skirt, flip flops and tank top…with perfume,lipstick and most importantly…clean knickers on! :LOL: The roughest you will see me look is when I am leaving the gym.
TMAC…”that is why you are single and will be so”…you dayum straight son!
“But not many woman are “single and happy” for a while, they want a man, they need a man and do whatever it takes to have one”..yes I am aware of the pathetic desperate women who NEED a man! A person should not NEED anybody but God. Now desire & want are fine!
NY2GA, Inc. (aka BrassKnuckles)
May 20th, 2009
12:46 pm
Well, I have seen a male stripper on a pole before. I was speechless. I didn’t know you could…and…then…and…
Woohoo!
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
12:46 pm
@PG- Yeah what’s up with the selling of men’s panty hose and girdles? Man, what is this world coming to?
DJ Sniper
May 20th, 2009
12:47 pm
Some of ya’ll have brought up Mike Vick and his redemption. I’m another one who hopes he can get his life back in order now that he’s out of prison. ESPN.com had a very good story yesterday about how Vick trusted all the wrong people; people who really didn’t have his best interest at heart. Hopefully he has learned who should and should not be allowed in his inner circle.
W8, I truly believe that Vick would not be as vilified had he been accused of murder, rape, or any other crime against another human being. You know our society(i.e. white folks) loves their dogs, almost to a point of obsession. I’m a dog owner and I don’t agree at all with what he did, but damn, some people act like he killed the Pope. Let’s not even begin to discuss those nutjob animal rights activists who will probably be protesting from now till eternity should Vick get signed by another NFL team.
AmazonRed™
May 20th, 2009
12:48 pm
Personally, I want to take pole dancing classes to see if I can do it. Ever since I saw Toccara do it on Celebrity Fit Club I’ve wanted to take a class.
Tazzee – If you’re serious let me know and I’d love to go with you to an intro class. The intro classes are free and come with a demonstration just to show you what it’s all about.
I had some friends who were doing it in DC but then I saw “Kelly Pitts” do it on “The Game” and I really wanted to try. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
LOL @ W8 – Jason and Malik were the two characters that did the pole dancing. Why do they have to be suspect?
LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!
May 20th, 2009
12:49 pm
I think ALL male strippers a suspect! When I get married, my girlfriends know NOT to get me a stripper.. The only man I want stripping for me is my man
DJ Sniper
May 20th, 2009
12:53 pm
W8, there’s a lot of shyt that’s being marketed towards men that’s just suspect as hell: girdles, pantyhose, man purses, etc etc. I think I saw something where they sell men’s bras over in Japan. WTF to the 34th power?!?!?!?!
AmazonRed™
May 20th, 2009
12:55 pm
think I saw something where they sell men’s bras over in Japan. WTF to the 34th power?!?!?!?!
Elijah
May 20th, 2009
12:56 pm
@Sassy- I agree I will support Mike Vick entry back into society with full previleges!
From what I can tell the ATL folks are most definitely behind MV!
@Raqi I agree in regards to dating you can only be yourself when you cross that road of heading toward a deeper relationship then we can start the adding of le pole dancing skillz!
@Tmac tell us how you really think about the Mamba!
Poppa Grande
May 20th, 2009
12:57 pm
We throw the words “Do You” around so nonchalantly that it gets lost in the shuffle of life.
Forget what Cosmo, Essence, Ebony, Jet, Woman’s Day, O, etc. tell ya.
“Do you” is that is required. Someone will love you for you. You must live and experience life in order to find that person. This actually requires meeting and dating. No mate is gonna just appear into your life. Get involved with things that interest you. For example, I have a co-worker that recently met a man at the Susan G. Komen Walk around Mother’s Day. That opens up the door and you already have something in common. One of my best friends met his wife during a Hands On Atlanta event.
But they were doing what they wanted aka doing them. It wasn’t something forced. Forced things are like playing charades. It is just an act. You can’t keep an act up forever. Whether it is minutes or years, you are gonna crack at some point.
Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)
May 20th, 2009
12:58 pm
AmRed – I’m dead serious, but first I’m going to finish my 6 months with my personal trainer. Another thing I signed up for because I wanted to see if I can do it. I hate for someone to tell me what to do, so it’s been a challenge, LOL. And he’s a young dude so that makes it even worse. But I get up at 4:30 every Tuesday and Thursday to endure.
I’ll be finished with him in August, so I’ll be looking to go to a class then.
Raqi...30 Days to ML
May 20th, 2009
1:00 pm
Amazon imma have to agree with W8 on this one. There is only one pole that I need/desire my man to have between his legs.
East Point's Own
May 20th, 2009
1:00 pm
All you people interested in pole classes support my people here http://poledance411.com/
AmazonRed™
May 20th, 2009
1:02 pm
AmRed – I’m dead serious, but first I’m going to finish my 6 months with my personal trainer.
I’ll be finished with him in August, so I’ll be looking to go to a class then.
Tazzee – That is a good plan. I want to take classes again, but I want to get my arm strength up better before I do. Skills in the class would require less effort if I did a little strength training first.
I’m going to remind you in August! (If we’re still on here
)
LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!
May 20th, 2009
1:02 pm
Raqi- LAWD! I will keep my comment to myself.. I DO AGREE!!!
Poppa Grande
May 20th, 2009
1:04 pm
W8
Yeah what’s up with the selling of men’s panty hose and girdles? Man, what is this world coming to?
It is called Sissification.
Married until proven Single!
May 20th, 2009
1:05 pm
thanks W8!
@AMAZON
with me personally, what you see is what you get (this doesn’t pertain to ev1). men see all of my qualities as a gf, wife, mother. how do i know this you ask? i’ve been told. i know what needs to be done in the home, with the kids, keeping hubby happy.
the thing is, i’m not willing to put in all that work for just anyone. the man has to be special. and the man has to definitely protect, provide and set the panties on fiyah!
Married until proven Single!
May 20th, 2009
1:09 pm
i clicked on MTO and seen LL COOL J’s son on a pole. it didn’t look right. my gaydar went off. only women look good/sexy swirlin’ around the pole!
Poppa Grande
May 20th, 2009
1:10 pm
I, too, wish Mike Vick well. He had to get some bought sense about being careful in choosing your associates. He had more to lose than them. He lost it. He has paid dearly for his mistake.
He had to live the real life version of Dave Chappelle’s skit “When keeping it real goes wrong”.
Word is that NE is seriously thinking about him. I think that it would be the perfect place. Where ever he goes will have to endure media distraction. Bellichick doesn’t play and can handle them. Veteran team can handle it.
Also with Matt Cassel gone, there is no experienced backup for Brady.
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
1:13 pm
Man Bra’s WTF? Dman right sissyfication..LOL@ the dude who has a lady ready for the session…but hold on a sec..( he takes off his bra, girdle and panty hose..only to reveal his severe case of d*ck do)
@Raqi- uhohh you are agreeing with me..lol
@Married-til-Single-No problem
On Mike Vick you know he has teamed up with the Human Society now to help them campaign against dog fighting:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/05/19/vick.humane.society/index.html
Cemeeli
May 20th, 2009
1:13 pm
Poopa…Pooba….Come on Cee, say it PoppaG.
“It wasn’t something forced. Forced things are like playing charades. It is just an act. You can’t keep an act up forever. Whether it is minutes or years, you are gonna crack at some point.
Did you just say “DO YOU” again? Lol…
What up? I’m sooo not enjoying coming back to work from lunch. ugh…i want to go back outside.
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
1:14 pm
@PG- Think of these other teams also..San Fran..Saint Louis..or maybe even Jacksonville
Raqi...30 Days to ML
May 20th, 2009
1:15 pm
Before getting hitched my marido never told me I was a good girlfriend or that I would make a good wife. He just asked me to marry him.
Now he did state on many occasions that I am a good mother. Some of those occasions were heartfelt sincere sentiments coming from him and some were just a tactic to get in my
pantiesgood graces.LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!
May 20th, 2009
1:15 pm
Question: Is it ok for a woman to date a man that is legally seperated from his wife?
Cemeeli
May 20th, 2009
1:16 pm
Jamoca will you please FEDEX ship me down to the beach with you. I am having withdrawls!!!
LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!
May 20th, 2009
1:16 pm
Raqi- LOL!
M'
May 20th, 2009
1:16 pm
Well, I still believe that the perception of Vick’s criminal charges were much more harshly scrutinized because he was brother…a few months back the Virgian-Pilot ran a one time article about some dude who was arrested for dog fighting charges as well…but that cae hardly hit the news and very few ppl even noticed it for it cause an uproar…and it soon died out…hmmmm….and type of “criminal” conduct…no news follow ups about it.
NY2GA, Inc. (aka BrassKnuckles)
May 20th, 2009
1:17 pm
The pole technician I saw wasn’t “swirlin’” on the pole. I’ll just say that the pole offers some interesting opportunities for “positioning” when you have a partner.
The Truth-Wearing plaid pants and a stripe shirt
May 20th, 2009
1:18 pm
Good afternoon folks.
On topic: A cat doesn’t care what you bring as long as he cares about you. When he starts asking questions is when a chick starts asking for the world. Then he starts doing the math and discounting the chick. Yeah, dudes are simple until you up the game beyond what you have to offer.
Blow Me
May 20th, 2009
1:21 pm
LIONESS- No that is bad business! That is technically still someone’s man
LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!
May 20th, 2009
1:21 pm
Truth- Real Talk
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
1:21 pm
@Lioness-”Question: Is it ok for a woman to date a man that is legally seperated from his wife?”
Nope married is married and divorced is divorced
LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!
May 20th, 2009
1:22 pm
Blow me- I feel the same! Check this chicks story.. WOW!!
For the past two years I have been dating a married man who is legally separated from his wife of 15 years who has 4 children by him. I am twenty-eight and he is forty years old. I never imagined myself being in a situation like this. I always thought I’d get married to someone close in age and share a bunch of firsts with them; first child, first marriage, etc. but life does not always work out as you plan. As it happens I love this man more than I’ve ever loved any of my boyfriends including my first love who taught me how to love. I feel like finally I’m in a good place in my life where I can truly say that I love myself therefore I was able to find love and this is how I know it is real. He loves me too and he has not been shy to let everyone know that I am who he intends to spend the rest of his life with. His wife however has started a smear campaign against me in the town that we live in and I’ve been called every name in the book including; homewrecker, slut, whore, sideline ho, the list goes on an on, but my only crime is falling in love.
Like Mashonda, Kelly (not her real name), his wife, has not made peace with the fact that her marriage is over and she’s fought him every step of the way. Before I came along, they exhausted all their resources to get back together. They went to counseling, priests, they moved back in together all with the same outcome. Why am I being blamed for a situation I had no part of? He wants us to move in together but I refuse to do that until he is legally divorced and I know this is the right decision as I am concerned about how it looks to his children. I’ve extended myself in many ways and I’ve been sensitive to his wife and chcildren’s feelings. Why can’t she let go.
Le Siren
May 20th, 2009
1:23 pm
East Point’s Own…Dance 411’s pole dance classes are highly recommended! They get my own personal GOLD SEAL OF APPROVAL:)
LIONESS- Absolutely NOT! “Legally Separated” is just another term for NOT DIVORCED! What is the whole point of people getting legally separated anyway? Unless there is a substantial estate or custody disagreement, why not just get divorced? The whole separation thing just leaves too much room for them to get back together and you to be left out in the cold.
LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!
May 20th, 2009
1:25 pm
Blow Me & W8- I feel the same! Check out this lady’s story.. WOW!
For the past two years I have been dating a married man who is legally separated from his wife of 15 years who has 4 children by him. I am twenty-eight and he is forty years old. I never imagined myself being in a situation like this. I always thought I’d get married to someone close in age and share a bunch of firsts with them; first child, first marriage, etc. but life does not always work out as you plan. As it happens I love this man more than I’ve ever loved any of my boyfriends including my first love who taught me how to love. I feel like finally I’m in a good place in my life where I can truly say that I love myself therefore I was able to find love and this is how I know it is real. He loves me too and he has not been shy to let everyone know that I am who he intends to spend the rest of his life with. His wife however has started a smear campaign against me in the town that we live in and I’ve been called every name in the book including; homewrecker, sl*t, wh*re, sideline h*, the list goes on an on, but my only crime is falling in love.
Kelly (not her real name), his wife, has not made peace with the fact that her marriage is over and she’s fought him every step of the way. Before I came along, they exhausted all their resources to get back together. They went to counseling, priests, they moved back in together all with the same outcome. Why am I being blamed for a situation I had no part of? He wants us to move in together but I refuse to do that until he is legally divorced and I know this is the right decision as I am concerned about how it looks to his children. I’ve extended myself in many ways and I’ve been sensitive to his wife and children’s feelings. Why can’t she let go.
Poppa Grande
May 20th, 2009
1:26 pm
W8
I just think that NE (provided that Mrs. Kraft approves…) is perfect. An older team that is used to distractions like the Patriots. They’ve even endured freakin’ spygate. They are organized and know what to do.
There will be unprecedented distractions for whatever team gives him a chance. Rams are young and have a young coach. SF is young and Singletary will start his first season as Head Coach. He’s gonna have to learn on the job. Getting the interim tag isn’t the same as having a say in personnel, scheme, etc that the head man gets to do in the offseason. Interim is just an audition.
Plus, the 9ers are young and how will they handle the distractions.
There will be distractions. I feel for Mike Vick. There are reporters sent up in front of his house right now. Tents in a cul-de-sac waiting for him. What do you think will await the football team that he gets on? More of the same.
Only other place that I might say would be Seattle. Jim Mora is the head coach there and he is has been there for a couple of years waiting for Holmgren to leave. He knows Vick and who really pays attention to Rainnyville ….I mean Seattle. It depends on Paul “Microsoft” Allen
I seriously doubt Jacksonville. The owner probably would not go for it.
I mention Mrs. Kraft because she made the Patriots release a 2nd round pick because the player had been accused of domestic violence. Mr. Kraft has to live with the lady, so he made them release the player.
So, we’ll see.
LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!
May 20th, 2009
1:26 pm
My question is.. How do you fall in love or even entertain a married person?
Raqi...30 Days to ML
May 20th, 2009
1:27 pm
No W-eight not with you but your comment. LOL J/K
The pole he needs to be making it do what it do fits between my legs and not his. And I ain’t talking about that piece of brass plated tubing.
Now if he wants to get me all hot and bothered thru mechanics he just needs to go out and cut the grass, wash the car, clean the pool, fold the laundry.
I’ll sit and watch that.
-W8©
May 20th, 2009
1:29 pm
@Lioness- She has low self esteem
Raqi...30 Days to ML
May 20th, 2009
1:29 pm
Lioness you don’t.
Poppa Grande
May 20th, 2009
1:30 pm
Never forget Dallas….
When Romo got injured last year, you saw how much they lack a viable backup.
Jerry Jones gave Adam Jones another chance so he isn’t against controversial players.
Married until proven Single!
May 20th, 2009
1:31 pm
married is married! legally separated don’t mean shiit to me. period. remember there’s always the other parties side of the story.
Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)
May 20th, 2009
1:31 pm
Now if he wants to get me all hot and bothered thru mechanics he just needs to go out and cut the grass, wash the car, clean the pool, fold the laundry.
Cemeeli
May 20th, 2009
1:31 pm
“How do you fall in love or even entertain a married person?
Lioness The operative word here is “entertain”. People that are romantically attracted to a married person, should be a no-no in the first place.
Raqi...30 Days to ML
May 20th, 2009
1:32 pm
This Raqi not pushing the submit button.
Blow Me
May 20th, 2009
1:33 pm
You can’t really. It’s a stupid and dead end idea. Especially if you are all knowing. It’s not a good look. To be emotionally involved with someone who is not emotionally open to reciprocate.
Tmac
May 20th, 2009
1:33 pm
Staceye Black Mamba:
Why call names those who believe in marriage or relationship. Not long ago, you were asking not to be questioned(let alone being called names) of your believes of “being happy single” and here you are calling all kind of names those need to be in relationship and do whatever it takes to get what they feel need.
Married until proven Single!
May 20th, 2009
1:33 pm
**How do you fall in love or even entertain a married person?**
when you meet a triflin’ woman, ask her. lol. that heffa will have a answer for yo azz.
LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!
May 20th, 2009
1:33 pm
This is the ending to her story..
Please ask your readers to weigh in on this. Am I missing something? My family is barely talking to me because of the situation but I can’t understand how I am at fault.
This chick is WAY too old for this!
Blow Me
May 20th, 2009
1:34 pm
Oh that was to your question LIONESS