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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Doing Too Much?

I was reading an article in the June issue of Essence that raised a couple of great questions about single and coupled up women. The article, entitled Body Shop asked how far would/should women go to get a man or please the one they have? Obviously this will vary a great deal from one person to the next.

The article referred to this quest to seek physical and sexual perfection in hopes of landing a man or keeping a man. Some women are taking classes in everything from cooking to pole dancing, to sex lessons to raise their profile on the dating scene. If it can impress a man with one of the tricks/tips they have learned in these classes, it is well worth the investment of money, time, and effort.

I decided that I am pretty much too lazy to be that pressed about getting a man and maybe that is my problem. Am I doing enough to get a man? Should I start enrolling in classes that will make me a soul food cooking, pole swinging, vixen in the bedroom kind of woman that men are drawn to?

Guys, does it really take all of this to attract you? Do you really find women with a well-rounded “education” in male attraction more fascinating? Are you meeting women that disclose the fact that they are taking these classes? How do you respond when they tell you?

Ladies, do you think women are doing too much to get a man? Is it desperate measures or are these actions spot on? Should more women try harder to improve their profile to a single man with classes like this? Have you taken a cooking, pole dancing, or sex class before? Was it a good experience for you? Did you learn a lot? Did it make you feel empowered?

Happy Wednesday!

482 comments Add your comment

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
11:27 am

ARED- You are dancing around the point. I mention that in that in my top of the morning post. Making YOURSELF better not for someone to soley benefit off of it. But for YOURSELF. Taking a home depot class for YOUR home is a benefit for you FIRST. Not to impress others like a pole class or a sex class. I can see a cooking class or art class…that I can understand.

Taking a pole class has no substance but to show for a man.

You comparing clappin ya azz to him learning how to change the hot water heater for his HOME!! Totally different!

I know you are smart than that…they are not one in the same.And you know it. lmao!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:27 am

A great person just makes you want to do better! They bring out the best in you!

Kimmie – Amen. You know for the longest time you think you are “ready” to go the distance and then you meet someone who opens you to an entirely different realm of possibilities.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
11:28 am

@Melo- Yup, I mean it’s simple..if someone keeps attracting the same type of people…ummm…lol

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
11:29 am

but you want them to pull their own weight a bit more

Amazon that’s where it gets tricky. IMO every one should want their relationship to grow and be better, however in some instances you knew what you were getting when you got it. That’s why communication is a major factor in relationships.

If it’s an issue state it upfront. This “imma live with it until I can’t live with it” just makes for resentment and what comes off as nagging. If buddy is not pulling as much weight as you think he should or that he really should then express that up front. Don’t go in hoping they will just change because 9 times out of 10 they won’t. We never do.

If it’s a problem say so and hopefully the person is willing to work on it as your established mate. But don’t accept it upfront and then wake up one morning and all of a sudden it’s a problem.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:30 am

Taking a pole class has no substance but to show for a man. </i.

Blow – We’ll have to agree to disagree.

I took pole dancing classes for a YEAR and they are ALSO fitness and lifestyle classes. I got better tone in my body, better flexiblity and more grace and style.

If all you see is clapping azz, then no, you won’t see any other purpose than to benefit a man. I can’t help you with that if that is all you see. Sorry. *shrugs*

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
11:31 am

I do wonder if that can sustain a relationship long term tho. Wonder if you wake up and realize one day that you like being around a person

ARed – Don’t go into with those notions. If he wanted you in the first place he’s going to pull his weight to keep you. And you are going naturally do the same.

And why do i feel like you’re playin’ with this thing just to rattle some cages?…cause i know you know it happens naturally.

How come i cain’t get cooking and pole class on a BOGO special? My babysitter is not going to service me for 10 hours straight on a 2.50 salary.

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
11:32 am

Melo – Let me ask you this – did you jump thru any hoops to get your Queen? From all I’ve read, seems she had to accept The Melo as he was, warts and all and fall in line with The Melo’s program.

While none of us is perfect, we all want someone to accept us as is – in the perfect way God made us. Some may have issues they need to work on that may open up new options for them, otherwise we all want the person that wants what we’re selling. What you may see as a fault in someone makes them just right for someone else. You have no right to sit back & judge us singles!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:33 am

Raqi – Loved your 11:29. I do see a tricky balance there.

I can “do me” til the cows come home but that doesn’t mean it will guarantee a relationship that stands the test of time. Yeah, it’s his fault if I’m lazy and he allows me to be lazy, but why would I rest on that when I know I could be doing more to make my relationship better.

Great points. Thanks.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
11:33 am

@Lioness-
Question: “Why do some women have to get dolled(sp? up to go the grocery store?
I appreciate a man that shows interest in me when I am not dressed up..”

It’s a personal preference..I appreciate that in a woman, to not leave the house looking disheveled…I know I am going to flamed for this..well maybe not..I cant stand a woman in timberlands or one who wears tennis shoes..unless we are doing something athletic, going to the park or she is pregnant..but then again thats just my preference.

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 20th, 2009
11:35 am

I’d rather get a man w/my mind, character, morals, quest for life than get one because I got a boob job, liposuction or sewn in permanent hair extensions (just to name a few).

Leggs you said it. Also someone posted an interesting question “What are they doing to get with us?” I would never put myself through all of that to get a man…it’s almost like you’re saying “Well geeze, I’m not good enough as I am so I need to enhance my marketability in order to get someone to like me”.

Growth and change is an inevitable part of life but if it’s done for the wrong reason then there is always the chance that the person you’re trying to catch/snag/impress will see you as a fraud of sorts b/c you’re presenting to them you “new found” skills not who YOU really are.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
11:35 am

Taking a cooking or home improvement class to meet someone with shared interest is different than taking such classes to impress upon someone or make you appear more interesting or attractive.

Elijah

May 20th, 2009
11:35 am

What’s up peeps?

I co-sign with Melo 9:48 post! Once we are dating and or are married we need to continue to improve or add to our repetoire! I believe we need to learn other skills andtry new ideas will continue to enhance us in the eyes of our SO!

Ladies Always mention that want their SO to try something new so why not learn something new! The same ole gets boring after sometime.

MissQC

May 20th, 2009
11:36 am

GOOD LUCK TO MIKE VICK :)

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:37 am

And why do i feel like you’re playin’ with this thing just to rattle some cages?…

:rolls: Who knows Cemeeli?

I stated earlier that sometimes you get so used to flying solo that you forget your natural instincts. Or maybe they are just surpressed.

But no, I’m not off trying to rattle cages today.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
11:38 am

I took a date to a Tuscan cooking class together it was fun..we both already knew how to cook..but we just wanted to try something different..point I am making is if you are adding new books to your library do them together…although ladies if you find a man that wants to take pole dancing classes with you…you might want to re-evaluate things…lmao

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
11:40 am

Elijah doing something for a mate and doing something to get a mate are totally different.

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 20th, 2009
11:40 am

OOMPAH LOOMPAH….OOMPAH LOOMPAH!!!! :)

Okay carry on……

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:41 am

although ladies if you find a man that wants to take pole dancing classes with you…you might want to re-evaluate things…lmao

:lol:

I’ve heard of some studios that do offer co-ed classes. I really don’t want to see that!

LIONESS-I LOVE all of my Fruits!

May 20th, 2009
11:41 am

W8- Disheveled & not dressed TO ME are two different things..

although ladies if you find a man that wants to take pole dancing classes with you…you might want to re-evaluate things…– Might?? lol

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 20th, 2009
11:42 am

I don’t a man would put himself through all this crap to get a woman. So I see no reason for a woman to do it. If I join a pole class or whatever I am doing it because I want to and it’s fun for me….not for the entertainment of some dude. I maintain my appearance for me…I dress for me and that is who is really important. If these things happen to attract a guy…cool. If not..oh the hell well! Live to please yourself…not others. I hate to cook…so you will not find me in a cooking class. I know to make things for myself. But will I go above and beyond to become a Cuisine Queen for anybody other than myself….hellz no! :lol: They always put pressure on women to stay beautiful for your man/hubby. Heck that works both ways. Bald spots and beer bellies are not cute. I can get the wandering eye
just like a dude….I can lose attraction too! Start lifting weights and not steaks dude!

RAQI…I love pregnant belly dancers. It’s so cute. You should do it now. One dances with me now and I love to watch her do belly rolls.

LIONESS-I LOVE all of my Fruits!

May 20th, 2009
11:42 am

Sassy- I kind of feel the same way.. LOL! Might go shopping now :)

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
11:43 am

Ared- I guess its acceptable because its you. It’s funny how ppl get when the spotlights on them. I will venture out to say MOST ppl do think about STRIPPERS when they take pole dancing class. EROTIC. and I will venture out to say you are clapping you azz in class…lmao!

Lioness- Yeah I have to agree…its depends on what I am doing. Yes I will run to the store with no make up and looking a mess. Around my house girl I can look a hot one…scarf on my head, no make up, pale ashy looking. Girl I gotta get loose. But I will run to the store just for juice with no make up on sans the scarf though. Now thats just ghetto!

LIONESS-I LOVE all of my Fruits!

May 20th, 2009
11:43 am

Staceye- You might have seen this already but I know you love this song.. Talented young man.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGbOuZww14g&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Ftheybf%2Ecom%2F&feature=player_embedded

Melo

May 20th, 2009
11:43 am

So who are the perfect clueless people who need mirrors?

Certainly not u.
But i dont wanna be nuclear struck coz sme may have other intentions other than looking for a long term mate.So ill tread with caution about naming names.
If u read back,u may glean what I deduced.
When u decided to get ur degree, i know u were doing it 4 u.But some guys find u attractive coz of ur accomplishements,well spokenness etc.Its the same way i see it with dating etc.
U gotta luv to improve oneself so u can be an all round better person in area u deem urself short.
That all-roundedness is attractive,apparently!

Leggs

May 20th, 2009
11:44 am

Yes, Good Luck to Michael Vick!!!!!

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 20th, 2009
11:45 am

Ladies Always mention that want their SO to try something new so why not learn something new! The same ole gets boring after sometime.

Elijah I agree that ever relationship needs some “spice” to keep it fresh and exciting…that’s where a pole dancing or cooking class could come in.

W8 Tuscan cooking sounds like fun and I think couple activities can also enhance the relationship as well….a very good idea in fact.

LIONESS-I LOVE all of my Fruits!

May 20th, 2009
11:45 am

Blow-LOL @ ->I will venture out to say you are clapping you azz in class

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
11:47 am

RAQI right on point with 11:40. Some ppl seem to not be able to get that…

LEGGS…They got sewn in perm hair extensions?!?!?!??!

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
11:49 am

W8 – I actually kinda see your point in your 11:33. It is a personal preference.

I’m a girly-girl. I love to dress beautifully, have my hair looking fly and wear light makeup. I love shoes, as Sister Cee and others can attest to my confessed shoe passion! Having said that, I take pride in how I look and how I step out of the house. That’s the way I was brought up. I’ve met the greatest people just in the grocery store or at the gas station. The few times I have run into men and not looked my best – well it worked out okay, but I was still embarrassed. I’m not into that totally natural, “I live in the woods” look. I’m more a glamour girl-lite. Not over-the-top, I let the natural beauty shine thru. But no, greasy face, undone hair, rusty leggs & feet, tired clothes and general unkeptness is not cute to me.

I don’t even hang around my man’s house looking bummified. I’m comfortable, but I still look cute. It can be done.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:49 am

and I will venture out to say you are clapping you azz in class…lmao!

Actually, I don’t. I still don’t know how to do that. It’s not a focus of the class. Though they do have a specific class on how to shake your booty. I haven’t taken it yet.

One other benefit to the class is the cool women I’ve met while taking it. What’s up Foots! :)

You are right, strippers = pole dancing. But just because one takes classes does not mean they’re trying to impress some man. The benefits of the classes far outweighed any benefit a man would get, especially since I have yet to dance for one, and I was dating somebody while I was taking them. *shrugs*

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
11:49 am

@Ared/Lioness- Co-ed pole dancing? Ewwwwww..

@Staceye-”Heck that works both ways. Bald spots and beer bellies are not cute. I can get the wandering eye
just like a dude….I can lose attraction too! Start lifting weights and not steaks dude!”

Yup..but I think people should workout for themselves not for others..I’ve been asked by woman i’ve dated..”What if I get fat?” I tell her that wouldnt happen, because I care to much about you for you to get that way and will workout with you…she says what if i dont..I say how can I care about you when you’ve stop caring about yourself…just another one of my perfect imperfections…lol..but I’m comfortable with me..lmao

For Real

May 20th, 2009
11:50 am

If a chick is making life changing decision to make herself more attractive to men then I view that chick as a Freaky Jason Chick. If a chick is making life changing decision to improve herself then I have much respect for that chick.

The first two quotes I read from the blog ladies are:

“I decided that I am pretty much too lazy to be that pressed about getting a man and maybe that is my problem.”

“my mother…yeah my mom taught me to be presentable, approachable, but not always available when it comes to men. No jumping thru hoops or performing tricks just to get a man.”

Now I haven’t read all of the other post but I’m sure it’s filled with “what the hell is the man doing” stuff. My point is women are sitting back waiting on the dude to jump thru the same hoops which they themselves wouldn’t do. What kind of logic is that? Buss your azz for me but I ain’t finna do ish just to get a man. And I don’t want to hear the “Right Man” BS but don’t no one know if someone is right until the end because you can’t make an accurate assessment about a person with a fraction of the information.

Another point I want to make, women are always talking about the girlfriend experience that men want. What about the wife experience that women want. I might be wrong but I believe most women don’t think of themselves as a “Real Girlfriend” until she gets the rights of a Wife. So, do women go out looking for the “Wife Experience”? Should a man bestow all the rights and privileges of a “Wife” on a girlfriend?

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:52 am

When u decided to get ur degree, i know u were doing it 4 u.But some guys find u attractive coz of ur accomplishements,well spokenness etc.Its the same way i see it with dating etc.
U gotta luv to improve oneself so u can be an all round better person in area u deem urself short.
That all-roundedness is attractive,apparently!

melo – I’m liking your words today!

If u read back,u may glean what I deduced.

;)

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
11:54 am

Bummified.. WOW! LOL!

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
11:54 am

Staceye had I started out doing it from the beginning it probably would be a big benefit now. She is starting to get heavy and I can feel it in my lower back. From having learned the moves it definitely could have help strengthening and flexing those hips and lower back muscles.

Le Siren

May 20th, 2009
11:55 am

I understand why some of you ladies feel that a man should “like you for you” and I agree with that. However, if we’re honest, we’d admit to ourselves that most of us have a whole list of attributes that we want our potential boyfriend, husband, ect. to have. Knowing this, why wouldn’t we want to improve our skills in various areas as well?
I personally strive to make myself a better woman and make myself more “marketable”. Yes, I take pole, go-go, and bellydance classes. My mother is the best culinary instructor ever and I pay CLOSE

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
11:55 am

For Real – Please go sit down. And read the rest of the posts so you can get where these blog ladies, with healthy self-esteem, are coming from.

Melo

May 20th, 2009
11:55 am

Let me ask you this – did you jump thru any hoops to get your Queen? From all I’ve read, seems she had to accept The Melo as he was, warts and all and fall in line with The Melo’s program.

my 11.43 to Ared can provide u with the answers if u flip it.
I jumped thru hoops growing up with my grandma and grandpa and them teaching me stuff growing up.I apreciate them teaching me the dignity of labor and hard wrk.Dad and mom send me to school to be who iam today.It has proven to be good for me on the job market.
That hard work ethic,at home and in official settings has made me to be a good husband,wait,good King,father and work mate at work.I was doing that for me but apparently Queen found that attaractive too.Im sure if i dint cut my grass myself,not fatherly to my kids,rock it in the bedrm etc,those wld have been subjects of a major conference. :grin:
And as i have journeyed on in my zulu kingdom, i have continiued to seek wisdom about how to keep the ambers burning.
The bottom line:If i hadnt been who iam, i cld have been attractive to some other hoe woman but maybe not as classy as Queen.And i proly wld have been the subject of one or several of u here,having dated a certain mandingo around town(A) who didnt have a clue on some things.See??
Those are the hoops.
I didnt jump thru them to catch Queen but jumping thru them was necessary for me to get Queen.
DO I make sense?

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 20th, 2009
11:56 am

Micheal Vick I still heart youuuuuuuu! :)

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:56 am

I don’t even hang around my man’s house looking bummified. I’m comfortable, but I still look cute. It can be done

kimmie – Good point. I guess that’s something I do to impress a man. Because I will look bummy around the house, but I won’t if I have company. I’m not talking about sexy lingerie or anything, but I might do boy shorts cuz they look sexier when normally I’m in boxers or sweats.

I don’t mind being nude in either instance tho (alone or with company) so that is one thing that stays consistant.

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
11:59 am

For real- Its not about we are not willing. I am gonna work on myself but I will not acquire skills that are solely to gain a man.

Learning to better myself and clearing up issues…is for ME and also a better relationship with anyone in general

taking a sex or a pole class…strictly to get a man is a bit much.

This is what we are saying. Of course better yourself for YOURSELF and not just for a man. Thats the bottomline point.

Men are not taking classes…JUST to get a woman. They are not.

Melo

May 20th, 2009
11:59 am

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
12:00 pm

Le Siren- I feel you BUT why do it for the man and not for yourself.. Your own good? Yes, some women have some unrealistic views of the type of man they want or will only date BUT that should bring them back to self. You only attract the same type of individual you are.. Improve yourself for self and then everything will follow..

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
12:01 pm

Le Siren – No one in here is saying they would not want to do things to improve on themselves. Most are already doing it. Quite a few have taken belly-dancing and pole classes. One has a pole in her home. Quite a few, including myself, can cook quite well, and make money doing it.

What we are saying is that if you feel like you HAVE to take dance lessons, cooking lessons and submit to plastic surgery to CATCH a man and COMPETE with other women, then that’s just sad!

Yes improve and make better for you and maybe to spice up the relationship you have! Nothing wrong with that and that’s not the issue of the topic.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
12:02 pm

@Kimmie_ I loved your post
@Ared- I dont know why you and your pole are getting so much flack today..nothing wrong with adding a little spice…

Le Siren

May 20th, 2009
12:02 pm

attention…and I’m alll about stepping up my bedroom skills! Ladies in the dating game in Atlanta know that competition is fierce…and that’s just for the average ones! If you want to attract and retain a quality man, you MUST be a quality woman.

Disclaimer: I know that it takes ALOT more than cooking, bedroom, and dancing skills to make a woman high quality, however, those extracurricular activities can only improve an already great thing!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
12:04 pm

however, those extracurricular activities can only improve an already great thing!however, those extracurricular activities can only improve an already great thing

Word. :lol:

East Point's Own

May 20th, 2009
12:05 pm

FYI: In Europe men taking pole dancing classes is gaining popularity… but you won’t see me doing and pole tricks in this lifetime.

LIONESS-Tattoo Season is Here!

May 20th, 2009
12:06 pm

For REal- LOL!

When did dating a MAN become so difficult? I am lost!

Elijah

May 20th, 2009
12:06 pm

@Sassy now I am jealous you just stated you still Heart Mick Vick too! I thought you only hearted me! :LoL:

Men need to look the part when out also, the honeys will always give you conversation if you are looking tight when you are out!

I guess the dating world is going haywire if anyone thinks adding pole dancing to the repotoire will get a man! Now adding it after you have establish a relationship is most execellent!