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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Doing Too Much?

I was reading an article in the June issue of Essence that raised a couple of great questions about single and coupled up women. The article, entitled Body Shop asked how far would/should women go to get a man or please the one they have? Obviously this will vary a great deal from one person to the next.

The article referred to this quest to seek physical and sexual perfection in hopes of landing a man or keeping a man. Some women are taking classes in everything from cooking to pole dancing, to sex lessons to raise their profile on the dating scene. If it can impress a man with one of the tricks/tips they have learned in these classes, it is well worth the investment of money, time, and effort.

I decided that I am pretty much too lazy to be that pressed about getting a man and maybe that is my problem. Am I doing enough to get a man? Should I start enrolling in classes that will make me a soul food cooking, pole swinging, vixen in the bedroom kind of woman that men are drawn to?

Guys, does it really take all of this to attract you? Do you really find women with a well-rounded “education” in male attraction more fascinating? Are you meeting women that disclose the fact that they are taking these classes? How do you respond when they tell you?

Ladies, do you think women are doing too much to get a man? Is it desperate measures or are these actions spot on? Should more women try harder to improve their profile to a single man with classes like this? Have you taken a cooking, pole dancing, or sex class before? Was it a good experience for you? Did you learn a lot? Did it make you feel empowered?

Happy Wednesday!

482 comments Add your comment

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:42 am

that said, it seems really odd to go through all of these changes for someone else. and i promise. you. men are NOT doing this stuff to get with us. it’s so not that serious.

So true! I know I took pole dancing classes for me. It’s because it’s something I wanted to do. It’s just gravy that it can also help in other areas of my life. :lol:

LIONESS-I LOVE my Strawberries!

May 20th, 2009
10:43 am

Good Morning All :)

I can’t do nothing but be me when it comes to men. Take it or leave.. Fortunately, I know how to cook very well and sex is a given BUT that doesn’t necessarily mean that how well I cook and sex will keep a man..

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:44 am

I guess that could be an issue with regard to pulling your weight…but I also believe that if a person is comfortable with doing those things…then so be it…

Yeah, but what if no one really enjoys the cooking or the laundry. It’s gonna have to get done by someone. :lol:

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
10:44 am

When a guy puts a limit on what I am to him, he puts a limit on what he gets from me.

Preach Raqi!

And naw, I don’t wash no dudes dirty draws unless they are my husband. Never had one of those, so you get the point.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:46 am

IMO women and men both should not be so quick and desperate to do things for the other that they are not doing or willing to do for you.

Raqi – Agreed, but what is your advice for the ones that ARE doing and willing to do for you.

I hid behind the above for a long time because it fit. It doesn’t fit so much anymore!

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
10:50 am

Seriously I wonder if women are out there telling men about their pole dancing sessions or their HEAD 101 classes on 1st, 2nd, 3rd dates.

That for me is equivalent to a guy spewing the numbers in his bank account or the luxuries in crib to a woman upon approach.

Man: Look here ma, I gotz $$$$ and a 12 jet jacuzzi. Ya wanna be my woman?

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
10:50 am

M’ – my friend’s parents are like the couple you speak of and they’ve been together for over 40 years.

East Point's Own

May 20th, 2009
10:50 am

AmazonRed I just had this conversation this morning with a young lady I dated in the past. She told me that she enjoys cooking but she never cooked for me when we were dating because I cooked so well and she thought I would not appreciate her food.

There is always a reason NOT to do something… LOL

Personally if I dated someone who did things well, that would be the time I would try to show them what I can do and pick up some tips along the way… but that’s just me. If they really like you thoses learning/teaching moments would be time spent together sharing time together. If they turn up their nose at you, then they are not someone you need to be with.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
10:51 am

@Lioness- ..”I can’t do nothing but be me when it comes to men. Take it or leave”..

I think the world would be a better place if people were themselves..

abc

May 20th, 2009
10:51 am

Pole dancing and sex classes, that’s just crazy. What kind of man are you trying to attract that you feel you need to gain such expertise in order to get his attention?

Cooking classes are okay. Everyone should know how to cook, men and women alike. Everyone needn’t be a gourmet, but if you can’t make a meatloaf, that’s pretty sad.

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
10:52 am

I don’t wash no dudes dirty draws unless they are my husband. Never had one of those, so you get the point.

Kimmie Don’t bragg! So. You’re up one. I havta clean dirty drawers and he ain’t my hubby or boyfriend. :) just pickin on ya’. I definitely see your point. So, ^5!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:53 am

Seriously I wonder if women are out there telling men about their pole dancing sessions

Raqi – No worries about that here. I have brought it up in casual converstation with randoms if it fits tho. Whenever the convo does steer towards the fact I’ve taken classes and have a pole, it’s soon followed by the fact that he’ll never get to see a performance. :lol:

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
10:53 am

@Raqi…lol..Some men and women do that on the regular with those statements..lol..it’s comical at best and also a big turnoff to me

Melo

May 20th, 2009
10:54 am

AND I PROMISE. YOU. MEN ARE NOT DOING THIS STUFF TO GET WITH US!!!”

Raqi, u arent being serious!! Yesterday we were talking about soem men not handling it prtoperly as far as what they shld do.If they cant handle it that means they arent attractive to a woman in the long run.
So would it be wrong for that guy who dont have it to try get it from his homies?? I bet u,men do go thru that training by copying what they see their friends,fathers,uncles etc are doing or do and not necessarily thru formal classes.
But training it is.
I remember long back i broght one of my sis-in law’s young husband under my wing coz there were things he wasnt doing right to his fam.
These things do happen to men too.

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
10:55 am

Seriously I wonder if women are out there telling men about their pole dancing sessions or their HEAD 101 classes on 1st, 2nd, 3rd dates.

RaqiYep. and even telling them that they will give them a test drive.

You’ve been married a good minute sis.

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
10:59 am

Sister Cee – LOL!!!

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
11:01 am

Good Morning

ANONYMOUSELLA- I was thinking the same thing. They come into the relationship with the same ole sweaty balls…and you want me to TAP dance for you??!?!??!!! I think not! Alot of times guys are coming up short…. but I’m suppose to lengthen my relationship resume…PUHLEEZE!! LMAO!

Of course be a better person and work on your own issues. Thats the most important thing then to take dance and sex classes.

I personally feel today’s woman reeks of LOW self esteem and will sell their own mama just to get a man.

Skinny ones, fat onees, cute ones, ugly ones, tall ones. You name it they are all dealing with deep issues..and do not feel naturally comfortable with themselves. In this dating game you have to learn who you are and what you have to offer. Cause if not you are going to walk away licking your wounds…lol!

Those pole dancing classes are BIG BUCKS now. I think it sad. We tap dancing sooo much but yet the divorce rate is still rocketing. Let’s try to work on those deep hidden issues…before you learn to drop into a split.

LIONESS-I LOVE my Strawberries!

May 20th, 2009
11:01 am

W8- Wouldn’t it? I have NEVER encountered SOOO many desperate women in my LIFE! Just be yourself & choose the person that completes you but make sure they have the same relationship outlook as you do.

abc- Meatloaf isn’t an easy task, it takes practice.. If a person can’t make pancakes & eggs etc.. That is sad..

I want to have an erotic entertainment room in my house that is just for me & my man/husband to enjoy each other. Now, I don’t believe I would take pole classes to teach me how to use the pole.. Trial and error is the best way :)

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:03 am

I was thinking the same thing. They come into the relationship with the same ole sweaty balls…and you want me to TAP dance for you??!?!??!!! I think not! Alot of times guys are coming up short….

Blow – I’ll throw the question to you too. What happens when the guy is not coming up short. What if he’s putting on his tap dancing shoes for you too?

I’m just saying, it’s been fun talking about the men and what they aren’t doing, but what happens when you get rid of those and the next one you meet is doing all that he should?

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
11:03 am

Amazon do you. He is going to either like it or lick it.

I learned thru experience what anon said is the truth all day long.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:04 am

Now, I don’t believe I would take pole classes to teach me how to use the pole.. Trial and error is the best way

Lioness – Just food for thought, but trial and error can also give you a broken neck. I guess basic spins are cool, but it’s also fun to climb and flip upside down and such. I’m glad I learned how to do it properly and the classes are really fun too.

East Point's Own

May 20th, 2009
11:05 am

Foots mentioned the idea of women figuring out what DOES impress a guy… I think that’s where a lot of women go wrong. You should do you and not go out of your way to impress a dude. Don’t ponder the question of what impresses a dude. The way I see it you try to impress people who you feel are out of your league.
I can say that in the last couple years I was impressed by 2 women.. both ocassions were very simple things
#1 at an upscale restaurant in Virginia during group dinner I asked for sweet tea, and they had none so I asked for simple syrup, and folks at the table were like “what is that?” One young lady answered before I did… that impressed me.
#2 I was getting dressed one morning and the young lady I was seeing got out of bed and started to help me get dressed without saying a word… that impressed me.

Its not necessarily swinging from poles and cooking up a storm, its anything that’s already in you that can impress someone… whether you took a class or not, but to impress someone you have to have the skills in place beforehand.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:07 am

What kind of man are you trying to attract that you feel you need to gain such expertise in order to get his attention?

abc – I guess it’s a stretch for you to think that the classes can be for the woman’s fun and enjoyment.

I have never been able to stick with boring gym work outs. The pole dancing classes were perfect for me because I was able to tone my arms, which is something I hadn’t been able to do just taking regular dance classes.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
11:08 am

LIONESS-I LOVE my Strawberries!

May 20th, 2009
11:09 am

Ared- LOL! Not that serious though.. If I didn’t break my neck growing up doing all the crazy stuff I used to do, a pole is DEFINITELY not going to :)

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
11:09 am

ARED- If you doing all of that…what’s the point of taking them? If they “will never see it!!” Come one that does not make sense…Whats the point of taking a class and you are not going to use it?!??!

That’s like saying I am taking a cooking class..But no one will ever get to taste my cooking! smh!

You are bluffing get out here!!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:09 am

I learned thru experience what anon said is the truth all day long

Raqi – I have learned this as well. But that’s why I threw out there that there are guys who will step up to the plate and will go the distance for their woman. I guess that’s where you’re “do you” advice just fits.

Cuz if he wants you, he just wants you. :D

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
11:10 am

Amazon I think abc is talking in terms of doing these things for the sole purpose of appearing more attractive to men.

East Point's Own

May 20th, 2009
11:10 am

OK this pole dancing this is a bad example… I work with and know many pole dance students and instructors and I have not yet run into a single one who is taking these classes to get a man. I travel to pole dancing events across the US and these women are about making money, being fit, and winning competitions… I know some woman somewhere takes classes to get a man, but its not the motivationg factor for the large majority of them. Half the women don’t even own their own poles, they go to a dance studio like others go to a gym, after class its over.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:11 am

ARED- If you doing all of that…what’s the point of taking them? If they “will never see it!!” Come one that does not make sense…Whats the point of taking a class and you are not going to use it?!??!

Blow – My husband will see them. Only one man will be my husband, so yes most of the guys who hear about them WON’T ever see it.

But I took the classes for me from the get go. So if I never get married, no one will ever see. I truly enjoyed the experience for me. So sorry so many folks can’t get that.

I guess folks only take cooking classes and art classes for other people too. *shrugs*

LIONESS-I LOVE all of my Fruits!

May 20th, 2009
11:11 am

Blow- Where have you been?

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
11:12 am

I’m just not busting my butt to snag a man. That’s why I took myself out of the “scene” awhile back. Stopped going to clubs and other major meat market places, because the scene was always so tense! My younger brother and his wife remarked on all the tension awhile back when they came thru town and went out dancing. I just don’t do well in those situations because I don’t take them or anyone there seriously. I started meeting men when I was out, doing things that I loved, being me. Now these ladies feel they have to go all these extra miles to get & keep a man – the whole situation is sad!

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
11:14 am

@Lioness-Yep
@Ared- Theer is nothing wrong with adding a little flavor to your style
@East Point’s Own- I agree

I remember a Church sermon..that was long the lines of this” People complain that they keep meeting the wrong man or wrong woman…the only thing that is the same in those relationships is you..since you are the constant with new people coming in and out of your life…maybe you need to take a look at yourself”

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
11:14 am

Cemeeli yeah I have been off of the market for 8 years now, but has it really gotten that bad?

There have always been women that over advertised by way of fashion, or should I say the lack of it, and men that drove around in big shiny whips but I didn’t see or hear of too many just plainly putting it out there like that. Some folks had reputations but not much self verbal advertising to be spoken of.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:15 am

If I didn’t break my neck growing up doing all the crazy stuff I used to do, a pole is DEFINITELY not going to

If you say so. Glad you can see the future.

LIONESS-I LOVE all of my Fruits!

May 20th, 2009
11:15 am

I never read any of my Essence magazines.. LOL!

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
11:16 am

Kimmie I‘m just sayinig….you bragging ‘bout your, lil bitty laundry load a lil too much there. :smile:

Needed reposting.

“if he wants you, he just wants you.”

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
11:17 am

ARED- To answer your question…I will gladly step up to the plate. But I want him to LOVE me…Not all these extra fillers to throw a facade to the real me.

But answer me this…What man do you know is learning to sharpen his skills to be a husband or to gain a girlfriend?

Only lessons I will be taking will be those my grandmother and mother have taught me…take the positives and learn from the negatives.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:19 am

What man do you know is learning to sharpen his skills to be a husband or to gain a girlfriend?

Blow – I’d venture to say plenty. I don’t think anyone does things solely to gain a mate. But in improving self, you can improve who you are in relationships too. Me learning how to cook better will help when I have to cook for others. The guy who goes to Home Depot classes on the weekend will be better suited to handle home repairs when he’s married.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
11:20 am

Question why is everyone knocking on Ared? Did she say she was doing that to get a man or did she say she took the lessons as a treat for her man? I was in the mindset that she was just putting a little spice into things..nothing more nothing less.

Leggs

May 20th, 2009
11:21 am

Good day everyone! I can’t see me taking dance classes or cooking classes in the hopes of getting a man. I do see me taking these classes for MYSELF. Dancing is liberating and exhilirating. I take exotic dance class and bellydance classes to enrich my mind and body by learning new genres of dance. You know how I feel about cooking, everyone woman should know how to cook. I realize a lot don’t have this skill anymore nor care to have it. I’d rather get a man w/my mind, character, morals, quest for life than get one because I got a boob job, liposuction or sewn in permanent hair extensions (just to name a few).

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:22 am

“if he wants you, he just wants you.”

:D

To go futher (and possibly to Monday’s topic), I do wonder if that can sustain a relationship long term tho. Wonder if you wake up and realize one day that you like being around a person, but you want them to pull their own weight a bit more.

Overthinking I know!

DJ Sniper

May 20th, 2009
11:22 am

Where are they offering these sex classes? I’m sure they need a test subject for the students to try their skills on. Time to harness the power of Google!

*searching the far ends of the internet to find sex classes in Atlanta*

Blow Me

May 20th, 2009
11:22 am

Hey Lioness….Girl I have been doing a bit of traveling..and losing money (gambling). Yeah I know sad. But I’s heres now!

Melo

May 20th, 2009
11:23 am

maybe you need to take a look at yourself”

W8,U took the wrds outa my mouth.Sme single pple on this board here dont wanna look in the mirror.
They deem themsleves close to perfect,ready to be plucked.If anything is wrong,they surmise,it has to be him :arrow:
Self deception at best.

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
11:24 am

At the end of the day…What makes you unique to your mate..what makes your mate unique to you?

LIONESS-I LOVE all of my Fruits!

May 20th, 2009
11:24 am

Blow Me- :)

Question: Why do some women have to get dolled(sp? up to go the grocery store?

I appreciate a man that shows interest in me when I am not dressed up..

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
11:26 am

Amred – Just be the best YOU! You know when you are in the presence of a real man that loves you and is stepping up to the plate with you.

Like I remarked before, I gave the bare-bones basics to others in the past, because that’s all I felt I was getting. But with my SO, like you said, play time is over. I am naturally a giving person, giving of my time and skills and emotion. With this one, I don’t hold back. What is natural is coming forth naturally. Now yes, there are a few things that only a husband will benefit from. I instinctively know what those things are – like the laundry for instance. But he does not need me to do laundry cause he does that anyway for himself and the kids.

A great person just makes you want to do better! They bring out the best in you!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
11:26 am

Sme single pple on this board here dont wanna look in the mirror.
They deem themsleves close to perfect,ready to be plucked.If anything is wrong,they surmise,it has to be him

melo – Why don’t you name names since you can make such an accusation.

I’ve been on this board a while, and though many of us may be feeling ourselves from time to time, just about everyone has shared stories or admitted that they are works in progress.

So who are the perfect clueless people who need mirrors? :D

KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

May 20th, 2009
11:26 am

The bottom line is to do things to improve who you are as a person…NOT to impress someone else! If he/she doesn’t like who you are, then simply allow him/her to be excused from your life. Life is too short to keep trying to impress people who don’t have your best interest in mind.