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Doing Too Much?

I was reading an article in the June issue of Essence that raised a couple of great questions about single and coupled up women. The article, entitled Body Shop asked how far would/should women go to get a man or please the one they have? Obviously this will vary a great deal from one person to the next.

The article referred to this quest to seek physical and sexual perfection in hopes of landing a man or keeping a man. Some women are taking classes in everything from cooking to pole dancing, to sex lessons to raise their profile on the dating scene. If it can impress a man with one of the tricks/tips they have learned in these classes, it is well worth the investment of money, time, and effort.

I decided that I am pretty much too lazy to be that pressed about getting a man and maybe that is my problem. Am I doing enough to get a man? Should I start enrolling in classes that will make me a soul food cooking, pole swinging, vixen in the bedroom kind of woman that men are drawn to?

Guys, does it really take all of this to attract you? Do you really find women with a well-rounded “education” in male attraction more fascinating? Are you meeting women that disclose the fact that they are taking these classes? How do you respond when they tell you?

Ladies, do you think women are doing too much to get a man? Is it desperate measures or are these actions spot on? Should more women try harder to improve their profile to a single man with classes like this? Have you taken a cooking, pole dancing, or sex class before? Was it a good experience for you? Did you learn a lot? Did it make you feel empowered?

Happy Wednesday!

482 comments Add your comment

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
8:50 am

WiseDiva my mother…yeah my mom taught me to be presentable, approachable, but not always available when it comes to men. No jumping thru hoops or performing tricks just to get a man.

First of all not all men like the same type of woman. Cooking??? That is just a life basic. Yeah most men love a good home cooked meal, but I wouldn’t be going out my way to learn how to cook just to get the man. Men ain’t all that that a woman has to be out there learning the lasted head games just to get one to want to be with her.

There is a big difference in doing things to get one versus doing certain things after you have gotten with one. Save something for the special someone. If you dancing on every man’s stage like you are auditioning for a script, what is there for the one that gets you?

My motto was and still is, what you see is what you get. If a guy didn’t like what he saw then he did right by keeping it moving. If he didn’t want to take the time to get to know me, the person, then I had nothing for him.

mytw♥cents

May 20th, 2009
8:54 am

If it’s not already in ya, it’s gonna be pointless. I took a bellydance class and the teacher told me I was a natural. I told her I felt like a cheat cuz these hips already have a mind of their own. :grin: If you don’t find fulfillment in making sure your man is well fed by your own culinary skills, then you’re just throwing money away and will resent his hungry behind later. Me, I already love to cook and would love to take a cooking class in Italy. So if somebody reaps the benefits of it besides myself, win-win…

Now I can be just as naive about some things as I am worldly of others. While I’m sure some are doing these to increase their odds, I’m hesitant to believe it’s the motive behind most women’s efforts. Cuz there seems to be lots of take out ordering, microwave meal making, Trudy-Prudey he’s lucky if I ‘let’ him have some, it wasn’t even his birthday and he asked me to do THAT types who keep a man.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
9:00 am

And don’t even start with that “if you don’t do XYZ, another woman will”. Well buddy, another woman is who you need to be with then.

Every woman wants to be the epitome of sexy in that special man’s eye. But sexy does not mean sleazy or slutty. Sexy is in the eyes, the walk, the talk, the air. I have never been one to show a lot of skin in public. My mother and grandmother showed me how a woman should present herself. That’s the woman that I am today and have always been.

Have I ever done anything stupid for a guy, yes. But guess what I am not even with that/those guy(s) today. So forget all of the foolery to catch a mate. The right man for you will be just fine with the you that you are. That’s what I believe.

mytw♥cents

May 20th, 2009
9:04 am

And about those sex classes, WD… Who’s giving them, what’s the price, and how much do we get per session?

JAMOCA You up and about yet? It’s too early for a lil Crown Royal ‘n Coke but I’ll start looking for the bartender now…

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
9:06 am

TwoLincolns I took a belly dancing class once because I wanted to dance for my marido on his birthday. I prepared an Indian cuisine and danced for him. He loved it and I was glad I could make him happy. But like I said in my other comment, certain things are for the select one only after we are together.

I did find that it was a great form of exercise, too. LOL

M'

May 20th, 2009
9:09 am

Well, attempting to think objectively about this article…I guess some women feel that they need a more competitive edge to either to with or stay with someone…and if that is working for them, then fine…not me.

I am very well-rounded with many diverse interests…and ironically, that is sometimes too much for some men to handle…especially if they are not equally as well-rounded…but I have always had an insatiable (sp) curiousity and inquisitiveness, so I enjoy learning new things to augment my interest list or new ways of doing something that I am already familiar with…but again, these are all for my own personal enhancement…and if someone else happens to benefit from it by sharing a life experience with me fine…if not, I still know how to do it…lol

M'

May 20th, 2009
9:19 am

@Raqi

Taking the belly dancing class was, IMHO, a relationship enhancer…you created the complete ambience to make it a pleasurable and enjoyable moment for both you and your husband…and that is way cool…you wanted to have a memorable moment for a special occassion…and to me that is not the same as pursuing an interest with the intent to get or keep a man…the motivations and outcomes are clearly very different.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
9:20 am

Morning all. I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I’m a woman who learns by example. I see what it takes to be a wife by my mother, but I never learned how to be a girlfriend. She taught me the things she did as a wife could be too much for just girlfriend status. She was around my age when she married, which could have been a reason why (Marrying at 29 in the 70s was on the old side).

After meeting a guy who does it all, even making a slamming dinner, I feel I come up short. Yesterday, we talked about natural roles of a man and it made me think about natural roles of a woman, and how I’ve been flying solo for so long, I think I’ve forgotten.

M'

May 20th, 2009
9:29 am

@ARed

What do you mean by feeling like you come up short????…just wondering.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
9:32 am

Look my husband does not like everything about me. Hell I can’t stand the way he drives. We are not good on the road traveling companions. But what we do like about each was enough to bring and keep us together. And those are the things that truly matter. Good work ethics. Likable sense of humor. Tried and true friendship. There were no classes for these things, it’s just who we are.

However you can’t just sit on your fanny and wait for a man to drop in your lap. You have got to be out there and be presentable and approachable. Doing nothing is just as bad and doing too much.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
9:36 am

M exactly. The things that I am willing to do to love, keep and please my husband are way different from the things I was willing to do to get a man.

Certain benefits and efforts are set aside for that special person.

Professor (living for the 3 day weekend)

May 20th, 2009
9:41 am

Morning everyone,

WD, I read that article and it sparked my interest and made me think about myself. IMO I am a complex person with a major goal…I want to be a lifelong learner. So usually every year I set out on learning a new skill(s) or learning more about a topic that has piqued my interest e.g. gardening, baking, reading autobiographies and the list goes on. Simply put I work on me the only person that I can control and if a SO benefits from this well more power to him.

@ Raqi- I think the belly dancing and Indian cuisine was a great gift to your husband that both of you could enjoy.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
9:41 am

Amazon IMO I would say to be a girlfriend you have to be more than a friend but less than a wife.

But this is only if you are a true girlfriend. Not a FWB or someone you are getting to know or just kicking it with. Like we said a few topics back, some guys want the girlfriend experience without making you the girlfriend and some guys want the wife experience from the girlfriend. Every form of relationship has it’s limits. Don’t cross them.

Sassy Me....Cocoa cure :-)

May 20th, 2009
9:44 am

Good Morning blog fam :)

Ladies, do you think women are doing too much to get a man? Is it desperate measures or are these actions spot on? Should more women try harder to improve their profile to a single man with classes like this? Have you taken a cooking, pole dancing, or sex class before? Was it a good experience for you? Did you learn a lot? Did it make you feel empowered?

Interesting topic: This reminds me of two of my long time girlfriends and some of the actions they’ve taken. What I’ve noticed in them is that they were both very DESPERATE to get a man and to get married. Friend A has 4 kids from 3 different dudes, recently married a man from the Middle East from whom she is now seperated and recently lost her house. I’ve seen her attach herself to a man in a minute b/c she doesn’t want to be alone. Friend B wanted to get married so bad for such a long time and when she met her last boyfriend she thought he was the one but it never worked out. He told her what she wanted to hear and that was it. They met in June and she was pregnant by July. Now both women are miserable. Where was I during this time?…..trying in vain to dissuade them both from messing up but in the end I realized it wasn’t me call to make. Would I do some dumb shyt like that hellz naw but that’s just me.

If I were to ever take a pole dancing class it would be for the exercise not to get a man….whether it be a cooking class or karate hell I would do it for MY better self. Any man that I may be with could possibly be a secondary beneficiary of my new found “skills” but I would first and foremost always do it for me.

KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

May 20th, 2009
9:47 am

These self-help workshops, classes, therapies are really overkill for what it takes to land a man. Men aren’t really all that complicated or picky. You simply have to allow them to work through their process of maturation before he figures out he only really ‘needs’ a B-student. B-students don’t attract a lot of attention and can handle the necessities of life. We don’t need you to take sex lessons because coming to the table with too much skill and exposure may raise a red flag…LOL. Get your pole dance lesson for exercise so your body can remain tight. Men eyes wander when they see other enticing physical entities. However, they learn over time that home is where love, comfort and peace resides. Don’t get caught up in all of the societal hype because it will only work to dirve your mind crazy!!

Melo

May 20th, 2009
9:48 am

Yesterday, we talked about natural roles of a man and it made me think about natural roles of a woman, and how I’ve been flying solo for so long, I think I’ve forgotten

U make a very good observation.Bottom line:everybody can improve themselves,one way or the other.We take training in classes to improve our competitiveness on the job(s), so why not with dating and finding true love?
Thing is,if ur mom and dad or aunties/uncles did not teach u certain things growing up(coz thats the normal training route for most pple),u gotta find another teacher to teach u, outside of ur family.And its true that some pple,men and women,did not get the training,growing up.
So im all for a woman getting training in ceratin things,if they feel they need it.
My Queen certainly did not know how to cook well when we met.Being some sort of aristocracy(laugh),her mom was slack in that department,even tho she grew in a mom and dad set up.
But she got training from one of her room mates back when we were still dating.She hinted to me once what the lady said(the lady was a zulu like me).”Girl,this boy u dating is zulu and they luv their home food.If u dont cook,u wont last long with him” I dint know about that disccussion untill waaay later,after we were King and Queen.
And recently,she has told me that the women at church have taught her so many things she never knew,growing up.Im sure she applies that everyday in this zuzlu union.
I aint filing divorce papers anytime soon.! :lol:
So there!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
9:49 am

What do you mean by feeling like you come up short????…just wondering.

M’Karyl – You know guys who say well, she does XYZ so what does she even need me for if she can do it all on her own. It’s like that in reverse. :lol:

Not to discount my personality, loyalty, support and all that. But you know he can take care of all his responsiblities as a man, and can do some of the woman stuff pretty good too.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
9:49 am

Just thinking out loud really.

Le Siren

May 20th, 2009
9:51 am

I am definitely one of those women who believes in “educating” myself in every aspect of my life. That being said, I believe that we should always strive to become better, more well-rounded women. I’ve taken pole, bellydancing, and go-go classes…my mother is the best cooking teacher ever…and I’m ALWAYS up for sharpening my bedroom skillz! I just feel that if I want to attract and keep a high-quality man then I need to be a high-quality woman.

M'

May 20th, 2009
9:59 am

@ARed

That is cool…I just wanted clarity for the sake of better understanding what YOU meant, not what I may have inferred…lol…and I can see that happening too…again, I guess it is about balance of personalities and the ability to embrace them with another person…personally, I would love it if a man did it all…lol

Foots

May 20th, 2009
10:03 am

I think someone said it earlier, the things that I (pay money to) do and learn are to benefit me; if someone else gets some enjoyment out of it, then that’s just gravy. I’ve always been interested in some type of dance and have taken many forms. The pole dancing became an expression of my sensuality and my enjoyment of seeing my own body move that way. And the workout is incredible. I never enrolled in any form of dance thinking that it might help me get a man.

But, I do realize that anything that adds novelty and helps keep boredom at bay will help the relationship and spice it up. Whether that means showing extra effort with something I learned to cook, or doing a sensual dance because I know just how to move it, I’m willing to put in the extra effort to keep things lively. I don’t ascribe to “If one woman won’t do it, another one will”, I ascribe to “If it’s in my power to do it, I will”. I can’t be perfect by any means, nor can I provide him with everything his heart has ever desired. But I CAN do what I can do, and put forth the kind of effort that shows him that I am pleased to have him in my life and that I can offer something to him that will please him also, other than my sparkling personality and edgy sense of humor, of course…

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:03 am

Thanks melo.

Well, you know my parents have been married for 30 years and my mom basically told me not to stress out trying to be Susie Homemaker as just a gilfriend. She told me that once I’m married I’ll have plenty of time to cook, clean and be a glorified maid :lol: so to just work on being me and the best person I can be.

However, in 2009, folks are coming into relationships with their own households already and such. You know I own my own house and my mother didn’t ever until she married. They had to figure out all the domestic stuff together really. So now is just the time I can start figuring all that stuff now. It doesn’t take a lot to take care of ME, I can have a loaded baked potato for dinner and be cool!, but it will take a lot to take care of someone else. I’m just all the more aware of this now.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
10:03 am

Morning All!

I know that there are certain things I’ll need to learn once I meet that special guy – but I don’t believe in going all out to get him. Like $0.02 said, if it ain’t in you then it’s pointless IMO. Raqi said it best ‘what you see is what you get’ and when a women goes through all this to ‘get’ a man, I believe the dude is meeting her representative – and once she gets him good, the natural woman will come out.

But when you meet a special guy and you’ve already attracted him, but you decide you want to do something special for him – that’s when I think it sticks. Because you know that guy wants you for you – and not for the classes you’ve taken.

AmRed I know exactly how you feel. My guy is a do-all kinda man, he’s a single dad so he has to be. I believe in working hard and playing hard – all that homemaking just doesn’t come naturally to me. One day I asked him what it is about me – because he does so much to take care of me, but I didn’t feel like I was taking care of him in the traditional sense. He said it was my loyalty and support, my care for his well being that he needed. He doesn’t need a woman to cook and clean for him. Kinda like I don’t need a man to buy me nice things….

He’s cooked for me twice – I mean, really cooked. I’ve prepared a meal for him twice (salad one night and soup and crackers when he was sick) – would you believe that man was bragging to his friends about the delicious salad I made? So I had to stop thinking that I was coming up short because I’m not coming up short in being a mate to him – and that’s all that matters.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:07 am

personally, I would love it if a man did it all…lol

:lol: M’ – Me too! But I would feel a little guilty for not pulling my own weight.

My mother loves to tell me the story of one of her old co-workers who married a doctor who loves to make gourmet meals. He basically just wants her presence, he’ll do all the work (she worked because she wanted to do something outside th house and he wants her to be happy). :lol: Not all of us can be so lucky! :lol:

-W8©(waiting for the day when the male bashing is not tthe forced topic or atleast it doesnt start until the afternoon-lol)

May 20th, 2009
10:07 am

Just wow@ some of these comments

..”If you always do what you’ve always done..you will always get what you have always gotten”

A leopard will always show it’s spots..you are who you are..be yourself at all times..dont try and change into something that you dont want to change into..because you will eventually go back to your oldself and then you have misled the other person.

@ARed- great game last night…your team one..congrats…Denver brought it to the at the Staples

Tmac

May 20th, 2009
10:07 am

There is nothing turn off than a woman who is deliberatley trying so many things to get with me……

if you dont enjoy cooking, its cool, I cook or we eat out, that is why resturants are for. Other things that are essential that you no good at (I am pretty sure I have my own share), that is why I am with you cause you are willing to learn.

KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

May 20th, 2009
10:11 am

(KP’s Thinking Out Loud)

Our society is marketing all of these self-help options, but still failing in teaching people how assess the character of others.

What good is giving all of the ‘right stuff’ to the WRONG person?

Several women on this blog have the ‘right stuff’ but the challenge is connecting with the right man to share it with.

Men very rarely marry their best ’sex partner.’ However, they do marry the one they truly fall in love, which provides an enhanced sexual experience.

Foots

May 20th, 2009
10:12 am

And to add to Amazon’s point, my boyfriend cooks very well, nearly every day, and he does laundry and irons like he was a dry cleaner in another life. To be honest, I’m not all that sure what DOES impress him, other than being able to discuss the latest House bills that actually made it to the Senate floor. I just work to be the best me I can be, always a work in progress, doing the things that come natural to me well and growing as a person.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:12 am

I believe in working hard and playing hard – all that homemaking just doesn’t come naturally to me. One day I asked him what it is about me – because he does so much to take care of me, but I didn’t feel like I was taking care of him in the traditional sense. He said it was my loyalty and support, my care for his well being that he needed

Tazzee – Thanks for this. You totally do see where I’m coming from.

Yeah, you know in the past, I’ve met guys who have half azzed it, so I half azzed it too. No real need to step it up. But you know when you meet someone who is doing what they truly need to be doing, those excuses don’t work anymore.

Guess play time is over!

-W8©(waiting for the day when the male bashing is not tthe forced topic or atleast it doesnt start until the afternoon-lol)

May 20th, 2009
10:12 am

@ARed- I meant your team won one..lol

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
10:13 am

Because you know that guy wants you for you – and not for the classes you’ve taken.

Tazzee exactly.

in being a mate to him That is all that matters. Not every man likes the same type of woman.

I heard my marido tell his female cousin once that there is not such thing as a woman not being marriage material. It is all in finding the right guy that likes the material she is made of.

Unfortunately (my husband says) that did not make her change her mind about being gay. She still thinks all men are aresholes. LOL

Professor (living for the 3 day weekend)

May 20th, 2009
10:14 am

@ Ared I understand the thought process behind your comment. I never looked at it like that.

I just work on improving myself and doing those things that interest me. However I feel that human beings are walking contradictions and there is a fine line to walk with anything. With that said, in the past I have learned how to prepare a special meal or put extra thought into planning something for a SO.

Never would I try to hide the true “Professor” or enhance the “Professor” beyond recognition. That is similar to Botox vs. eyeliner. In other words if you are taking all of these classes and doing all of these things I feel you are doing too much. Sometimes we can smother the true person we are trying to be something we are not. Once we slack off from all of this nonsense (after you catch that person) he/she is stuck thinking you sent a representative.

Foots

May 20th, 2009
10:15 am

I think my first post got eaten… :-(

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
10:16 am

KP I agree with that entire 10:11 comment.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
10:16 am

W8 – there’s no male bashing in this topic or in the comments, so you can change your moniker ;-)

Melo

May 20th, 2009
10:19 am

Because you know that guy wants you for you – and not for the classes you’ve taken

I kinda have a different take on that!
When u take classes to learn smething u want to do and u start practicing it,it becomes a natural.Im sure if smebody asked u some accounting qstions,u simply blep out the accounting answers u have coz evething is now ingrained in ur head.Its now natural.Same here.
Now, i see pple are confusing a guy’s attraction with keeping/retaining a guy which shld be the greater subject of today’s discussion.
U can meet a guy that likes u for 3 weeks but once they get to know the substantive u,they may not particularly like some of ur traits.That may be too late to keep him.
I think its impreative for evrybody,men and women to get classes,training,coaching etc in whatever area they feel they fall short.Period.
The attraction and retention will natuarlly follow.
<if it ain’t in you then it’s pointless IMO
Its not pointless.If it aint in u,u can go out there and seek it and then retain it,just as u can seek training in finance etc and be a finance wiz,sleeping and walking finance after u thru with class.
Then, its a natural.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:20 am

..”If you always do what you’ve always done..you will always get what you have always gotten”

I’ve always hated that quote. Though I understand the sentiment. Some folks in life just get the breaks though.

W8 – Thanks. Yeah, I’m proud of the Lakers. They just like to win in dramatic fashion. :lol:

-W8©(Tazzee is not the boss of me-lol)

May 20th, 2009
10:21 am

@Tazzee- What?

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
10:24 am

…”I’ve always hated that quote. Though I understand the sentiment. Some folks in life just get the breaks though”…

@Ared- Yeah but they also pay for it somehow someway even if we do not see it-IMO

I have a bunch of women in my family..my advice to them is to never sacrifice who you are, there are enough men in the world that you will eventually find the right one who appreciates you for who you are.

kimmie

May 20th, 2009
10:26 am

Morning all

I read the article in Essence of which WD speaks. It reeked of desparation and one of the quotes got me kinda angry. This woman was talking about how a dude flat out told her she was coming up short with the mouth action and she needed to up her game and if she didn’t he would get someone who would. He would have been gone so quick it would have made his head spin! And that is after I got thru dogging him out!

The posts by Raqi and Mytwo could almost have been written by me! Some of the points that stand out are:

yeah my mom taught me to be presentable, approachable, but not always available when it comes to men. No jumping thru hoops or performing tricks just to get a man.

Save something for the special someone. If you dancing on every man’s stage like you are auditioning for a script, what is there for the one that gets you?

If it’s not already in ya, it’s gonna be pointless.

Me, I already love to cook and would love to take a cooking class in Italy. So if somebody reaps the benefits of it besides myself, win-win…

I love to cook and have always been able to burn. But I learned awhile back that was not really how I was going to catch a husband. Because just like Tazzee’s example – a dude will freak out over a sandwhich if he is really into YOU! My best friend in Cali told me this. I was stressing out over a meal I had made for this dude because he always compared everyone’s cooking to his mom’s whose cooking was excellent. My friend told me if I made him a turkey sandwich then that was enough!

I went to a birthday party/pole dance class. It was fun and I texted my SO about it. He told me I’d have to show him what I learned. I’ll show him – one day. He hasn’t mentioned it again but I’ll do it to do something nice for him – because he’s special.

You can tell when I really love someone and think they are special because I will go all out for them. Men in the past have just gotten the bare-bones basics from me. They were not that special and did not really treat me as such. We both got what we put into the relationship!

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:28 am

Yeah but they also pay for it somehow someway even if we do not see it-IMO

Not always. I just don’t think that’s quote is an absolute statement. But we can agree to disagree.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 20th, 2009
10:28 am

Melo – I’m talking about learning something just for the purpose of getting the man or acting a certain way just to get him. Sure, I can learn how to cook a glamorous meal – but I am not going to be doing that on a regular basis. And I actually like to cook when I get in the kitchen to do it. We should all seek to better ourselves, but when we do it simply to attract a man, that’s when I think we get ourselves in trouble. If a guy doesn’t like what he finds to be the substantive me – then he’s not the one for me. It won’t matter if can throw down in the kitchen or the bedroom.

W8 – :lol:

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
10:30 am

as I finish my acai berry, and blueberry yogurt cup….

…morning,

“Should more women try harder to improve their profile?”

I think a man that wants to get with you program, already sees in you what he wants, inexperienced and all. They’re just MEN, and SIMPLE, one of the most simple species on earth. Ask them what they like.

Cooking example: The day I feed my guy a sausage sandwich and a smile, i got the same results as the day I feed him Reggae style cuisine with the added sexy innuendos. He was ride or die, either way.

Next time i’ma try a potted meat sandwhich, and see if he roars back.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
10:31 am

When a guy puts a limit on what I am to him, he puts a limit on what he gets from me.

I had a friend several years ago that would go to her boyfriends house clean it, do his laundry, cook his meals for like 3 days at a time every single week and I would wonder what else is there to be done. She was his freaking wife with being made his wife.

I didn’t have an actually list of do and don’t while dating but certain things I just didn’t do or make a habit of doing it. I cooked on special nights or mornings together at his place or at mine. But never went to any man’s house to do his cleaning or laundry, nor did I do it when I just happened to be there. The only time I did any man’s laundry was with the one I am with now and that is because he was spending the weekend at my place and I was throwing in some stuff of my boys and added his to make a full load. Other than that, nada.

I did not drop the panties every time he showed looking good and smelling de.li.ci.ous nor every time he tapped me on the shoulder. And I truly loved him but it just wasn’t going down like that.

Now as his wife, it’s all different. I am forever cleaning, cooking and doing laundry. And if I breathe too hard or brush up against him while sleeping he tries to mount me. LOL

-W8©

May 20th, 2009
10:33 am

@ARed- Can you go more in depth from your point of view..I am sincerely trying to understand..no bs or games. My side is..it may seem that some people get the breaks..but in the long run they may pay for it..but I am on the outside looking in so I really dont know.

anonymousella

May 20th, 2009
10:35 am

pssht. none of these things are necessary. if y’all are right for each other, you will work it out. i would never take a sex class, cooking class, or pole dancing class to get / keep a man … mostly because i don’t need the first two and i am far too clumsy to risk the third.

that said, it seems really odd to go through all of these changes for someone else. and i promise. you. men are NOT doing this stuff to get with us. it’s so not that serious.

Cemeeli

May 20th, 2009
10:39 am

Tazzee I think you do more than enough. He is raving that salad because he knows from whenst it came, and that’s Y.O.U.!!! He wants Tazzee Mae’s 12 Step Program.

Demi – Brotha, to finish where we left off last evening…You are not rude, in the least. You’ve go it pegged about right,…i’ll add to your assessment of healthy relationship. The 5 year time frame has shrunken, and has pretty much already manifested itself now.
And let me correct, that there was me on simmer for 9+ years…

M'

May 20th, 2009
10:41 am

@ARed

I guess that could be an issue with regard to pulling your weight…but I also believe that if a person is comfortable with doing those things…then so be it…if a relationship is set to be successful, then I believe that each person knows how to contribute something of value to it.

I still think of a couple that have been family friends for ages…Odell always did the cooking, grocery shopping, housecleaning, etc because he was particular about things and also because he did it better than Bobbie…lol…she was the liberated woman on the go…and he was the stay at home husband…and they arenow into the like 50 something years of marriage…somehow they have made it work for them…and it has mostly been good…solid as a rock still.

Raqi...30 Days to ML

May 20th, 2009
10:41 am

Anon Can we please say it again but louder?

“AND I PROMISE. YOU. MEN ARE NOT DOING THIS STUFF TO GET WITH US!!!”

IMO women and men both should not be so quick and desperate to do things for the other that they are not doing or willing to do for you.

AmazonRed™

May 20th, 2009
10:41 am

Can you go more in depth from your point of view..

W8 – No, not really. It’s kind of off topic and I really don’t care to elaborate. Basically, I think the quote is true. Yes, typically you will get the same results from doing the same things. But there are plenty of instances that speak to the otherwise to that would never make me cast that quote carte blanche on to people.