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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Nothing Left to Say

Today’s entry is courtesy of one of our wonderful, fabulous readers. I hope she doesn’t mind that I took her topic idea almost in it’s entirety! Check out what “Foots” had to say:

The things that made me love you are the things pushing me away now. – Nothing Left to Say (Mint Condition)

I believe that many desirable and undesirable qualities are flip sides of the same coin.  In their song, they speak of wonderful attentiveness becoming crazy possessiveness.  In my past, I dated a guy who I admired that he was such a good friend and concerned family member and that he kept in touch with his friends/family often.  But part of the reason we broke up was that we never had any time together because he was ALWAYS on the phone taking on other people’s problems.

Here are some others that I have read or seen before:

  • A friend of mine dated a woman and was impressed by her warmth and caring as a mother.  He broke it off because she spent all her time with her kids.
  • A dude dates a woman because she is so well put together and keeps her appearance up, but eventually he breaks it off because she spends too much time getting all dolled up.
  • A woman is impressed by how far up the corporate ladder her new man has gotten at his young age, but she finds out that it’s because he puts in so much time at the office and never has any time for her.
  • A person loves their new mate’s commitment to their faith, but gets frustrated and leaves because they won’t give up the lovin’.
  • Most men love soft, feminine women, but dislike the fact that she shows all of theses emotions.  But what else would they expect from a soft, feminine woman?
  • Some women prefer the strong, silent type…until they realize that the man never actually talks to them or expresses his feelings.
  • Some men love women who are organized with their life and finances, but they hate that I’m a “planner” type.  I’m trying to figure out how they think I could be so organized without my planner instinct.

So, now, not only do we have to deal with good and bad totally separate qualities that a mate may have (i.e. person may be responsible/dependable, but not terribly romantic), we also have to accept that qualities we love tend to always come with a flip side of the very thing that irritates us the most.

I can really relate to this, on both “sides of the coin”.  What drew me to a guy, was the very reason we ended up hitting the skids: confidence. Oh, confidence is cute in the beginning, but after a while it can be a bit too much.

What do you guys think? Have you experienced this in your relationships?

Is this an example of “careful what you wish for?” or are we a little clueless about relationships are about?

342 comments Add your comment

I-85

May 18th, 2009
3:56 pm

Cemeelia – No I aint like that…

@ Lioness – YES I am serious and I am 30 she is 25

Leggs

May 18th, 2009
3:57 pm

Testing, testing, testing….

-W8©

May 18th, 2009
4:02 pm

Tyler Perry showed love and was shown alot of love during the strike a few years back…and people are spending money on him. I skipped over it a year or so ago…now I may catch the occasional episode…seems like the story line is better now-a-days..His plays ahh hell no…i cant watch them..I hate all of that singing etc..

Demi

May 18th, 2009
4:03 pm

Sassy…what I do? I is no i-85.

Lioness…I don’t date women who drank more than I do…beside, me them cops on I-85 don’t seem to get along…so I will never stake claim on that route…that’s not me bey.

i-85…time to check your feelings out. There are plenty of ladies at New Birth, who are more than able to give you what you’re looking for…without the heavy drinking.

Mo…did you just school me…yeen right!!! LOL

Raqi...32 Days to ML

May 18th, 2009
4:04 pm

The 30 minute spots that I like are The Big Bang Theory, Rules of Engagement and Two and Half Men. The Game when I remember it is on.
I like the reruns of Friends, Seinfield, The Family Guy and Drew Carey (Sunday evenings).

Poppa George Lopez comes on over in the night but I can’t remember which night. I caught it one night when I got up to go to the bathroom. I think it is on CW.

Cemeeli

May 18th, 2009
4:04 pm

Cemeelia – No I aint like that

I-85 – I know!

Lioness – Look out for me in that bubblegum orange Chevy roll up on you with 24s and my matching outfit.

Don’t be scurred, check your mail.

Poppa Grande

May 18th, 2009
4:05 pm

Raqi

He sells out the Fox everytime he plays here. My friends in Tallahassee says that same thing happens down there. Tampa has good sales down there. He travels around with those plays in which he dresses like a woman. Heck, my mom has been to a couple with her friends. (She doesn’t go to them all, though)

With that in mind, he has a built following already. Note that they always put his name on the show. It isn’t just called House of Payne, it is called Tyler Perry’s House of Payne. (Same thing goes for Meet the Browns) They are marketing him just as much as the show.

-W8©

May 18th, 2009
4:06 pm

@Demi- Don’t steer him towards church girls….geesh if I had a nickel for everytime “the Lord told someone I was their husband”

Leggs

May 18th, 2009
4:08 pm

3 of my posts are gone!!! Testing???

Poppa Grande

May 18th, 2009
4:08 pm

I saw George Lopez on Nick on Nite back when I was studying for finals.

That show ended in 2007.

Poppa Grande

May 18th, 2009
4:09 pm

Leggs

The mouse that powers the blog must be sick today. He can’t keep the power going.

-W8©

May 18th, 2009
4:10 pm

@Ce-lol@ the box Chevy wit da trunk rattlin!!!…aint no colleges in College Park!!

Cemeeli

May 18th, 2009
4:10 pm

“if I had a nickel for everytime “the Lord told someone I was their husband”

aahhhaa….now way in HAYO can i deal with you saying that ^^^^, and my silly personality at the same time! AINT NO WAY!

W8 NOw see…I’m cain’t breath….

Willie Dynamite

May 18th, 2009
4:10 pm

Similac- what I do???

Anybody got a Boondocks update? Any new shows or am i just missing something.

Raqi...32 Days to ML

May 18th, 2009
4:11 pm

Poppa I will give him his props on some of the movies. I love The House that Preys. Excellent script and exceptional cast. I like one of the others but I can’t remember which one.

But those shows…just to darn long. Maybe it’s the set that I get annoyed by. The one or maybe two back drops and added with the over the top comedy. Fingernails on a chalkboard.

Kym-24- 2 hours -tonight? I'm there

May 18th, 2009
4:12 pm

George lopez is on Nick at Nite. I am not a fan of sitcoms..I liked “How I Met Your Mother” but I got tired of waiting on who the mom was..so I switched. I watch cartoons before some of the sit-coms
Penguins of Madagascar is the best.

Poppa Grande

May 18th, 2009
4:14 pm

Willie Dynamite

The last that I heard is that MacGruder was done with it. The station wanted to censor him a bit more. Like the episodes that aired in Canada, but not here. He didn’t like that. He was a bit hard on BET in one of them, but they deserve it.

He either has or will finish his strip as well.

Lord Velonese

May 18th, 2009
4:14 pm

I think this whole topic deserves a giant FACE PALM, sheesh those reasons stated by WD or foots have to be the most epic fail people I have ever heard of. But to stay on topic I’d leave an indecisive chick in a heart beat regardless of what excuses she came up with. I can’t stand a person who can’t make up there own mind. You know folks, you can’t always have your cake and eat it, deal with it. That’s why I stay single, Most women would not know what to do or how to treat a real man if a real man landed in there lap. Oh wait I know either rob him blind or take out there past flops on him, go figure.

DJ Sniper

May 18th, 2009
4:14 pm

Kym, I’m a fan of Damages as well. Patty Hewes damn sure ain’t no joke. She doesn’t give a damn who she has to screw over in order to get what she wants. Very good show. I can’t wait to see what they have in store for next season now that Ellen has gotten some closure about her fiancee’s murder.

W8, I’m feening for football season as well. I’ll be going through sports withdrawal once the NBA season is done. I give less than a damn about baseball. Just bring on the start of training camp and I will be fine. lol

-W8©

May 18th, 2009
4:16 pm

W@WillieD- I’m waiting on the Boondocks also…but I cant find any information..oh yeah “Willie Dynomite” one of my favorite movies…who knew he was the same guy who played on Gordon Sesame Street..lol

Demi

May 18th, 2009
4:17 pm

Bullish…

That is because dude reminds you of Alien Nation.

Beautiful

May 18th, 2009
4:18 pm

did anyone see COLLEGE HILL? lol. when the guy made the chick pay $10 for the ribs she stole. THEN he wouldn’t except the $10. he made the heffa put the $10 BACK in the microwave where she found the ribs. lol.

y’all have a cool one! it’s 102 degrees out here.

-W8©

May 18th, 2009
4:20 pm

I really try and stay away form BET..that Boondocks parody was hilarious, but the dude jilted McGruder so he had it coming.

Cemeeli

May 18th, 2009
4:20 pm

I was asking 85 if his old-lady was a lush earlier, i thought you were on my tip tryna offer that i’d called her out as a lush.

WillieD Bruh, i’m trippin’ dont’ mind me. I think i just need to hymmn somebody up in the corner somewhere, den I’d probably be alright after i get that outta me.

AmazonRed™ - Lakers rocked L.A. - LITERALLY!

May 18th, 2009
4:23 pm

Off topic scenario: My friend needs feedback, especially from men (cuz you know what her girlfriends have told her) :lol:

Say you’ve been single for a few years (perhaps casually dated, but no true loves). One of your exes and you broke up on good terms several years ago, primarily because of the distance, but also because there wasn’t a true future between you two, but it sure was fun for a little while. Once a year your ex comes to visit just to hang out. They typically stay at your place because it’s cheaper than a hotel. You two are friends now. The type of friends who can talk about dating new people without getting all jealous and wishful about what you used to have.

Your ex books a trip in April to come visit you in August. You start dating somebody in May. End of July you are still dating that person and it’s looking pretty good (it’s exclusive, and you really like them).

What should you do about the ex that’s coming to visit in a month?

Willie Dynamite

May 18th, 2009
4:23 pm

Pops- Preciate that. I figured it was gonna be a backlash about the BET thing. I think it really started getting bad for him after the MLK episode (Classic). Missing him and Chappelle.

W8- hows that for type casting. You go from putting a chick on notice to Sesame Street.

-W8©

May 18th, 2009
4:23 pm

@Ce- I Love giong to Church and being active but I will not date a church woman, the women in the ministry I lead all laugh when I talk about it, if a girl hits on me in church I fleeeeeee!!! nope nada aint gonna happen…been there done that..nope

Poppa Grande

May 18th, 2009
4:24 pm

Wikipedia states that there are some episode in production to air in late 2009.

But it also states that Aaron has had to deal with issues in regards to statements that he made about President Obama not being black as well. Then McGruder issued statements that he was misquoted and all that mess.

So, I guess that we’ll see.

-W8©

May 18th, 2009
4:27 pm

@Ared- Tell him not to come or talk to the current and see if he is cool with it..but by no means would the ex be staying at the girls house.

Demi

May 18th, 2009
4:28 pm

(That’s why I stay single, Most women would not know what to do or how to treat a real man if a real man landed in their lap.)

Wow…your whole post read: “Bitter Rell” (not rell of the blog). Could it be…You are a boy in men clothing?

I am just going by the info you put out.

Demi

May 18th, 2009
4:31 pm

What should you do about the ex that’s coming to visit in a month?

Be up front and honest. Just let your friend know you are seen some one on a serious level.

If he is a real friend, he will step aside and allow your relationship to grow.

Willie Dynamite

May 18th, 2009
4:32 pm

Similac- Gone and get it out ya system without catching a case. I’m tripping off you and your Bubblegum Orange Chevy with the matching outfit.

Demi

May 18th, 2009
4:33 pm

AmazonRed™ - Lakers rocked L.A. - LITERALLY!

May 18th, 2009
4:34 pm

Wow Demi! You almost sound like Alvin! :lol:

DJ Sniper

May 18th, 2009
4:35 pm

Did somebody say new episodes of Boondocks are on the way? Please let that be true. I have both seasons on the hard drive at home, and I watch them whenever I needs a good laugh. The R. Kelly trial was a classic. lmao

ARed, part of me says that the woman in your scenario should tell the ex to find another spot to stay, since she’s exclusive with the new guy. On the other hand, there’s always the chance that the ex won’t try to make a move at all. Hell, when I met my wife, she was roommates with one of her ex’s from a few years ago, and everything was cool. He was in a relationship of his own, so I never felt threatened or anything.

Leggs

May 18th, 2009
4:35 pm

The ex can’t stay at her place if she expects to continue in the relationship.

Demi

May 18th, 2009
4:36 pm

A.red…now tell her home girl not to talk about her friend with knew dude…I don’t like for my lady friends to do that…sometimes you gotta know when to “X” yourself out of the picture.

Demi

May 18th, 2009
4:37 pm

>>>>ared, tell your homegirl…sorry

>>>>new…i am trippin

Cemeeli

May 18th, 2009
4:38 pm

if a girl hits on me in church I fleeeeeee!!! nope nada aint gonna happen…been there done that..nope

Cee now commencing to pour W8 with oil, along with the sister-ens from the Greater Harvest–Missionary- Episcopal-AME-COGIC Baptist Church “Sheet Ministry”, and praying “Da devil to get the from here!”

While strongly choking Brother Eight into an induced comma until he marries’s sister Odessa’s youngest daughter Malia.

Demi

May 18th, 2009
4:39 pm

AmazonRed…it was. I forgot to change my sceen name.

Melo

May 18th, 2009
4:40 pm

Hell, when I met my wife, she was roommates with one of her ex’s from a few years ago, and everything was cool

:shock: :roll: Cool?? :shock: :roll:

Hw can u be Cool when ur chic is sitting right by the alligator’s jaw?

Demi

May 18th, 2009
4:41 pm

kimmie

May 18th, 2009
4:41 pm

Amred – This is real easy to me. If girl & ex are such good “buddies” as you described, even talk about new dates to each other, it is simple. Ex can’t stay at girl’s house. He should have enough money saved up to afford a hotel by now. Ex should completely understand – if he truly is an “ex” and a friend. The fact that she’s even sweating it tells me there is more to the story though.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 18th, 2009
4:42 pm

@Ared … your 4:23 really hits a nerve with me. From a male standpoint, if a man is serious about a woman, he does not like this scenario AT ALL. I’ve dealt with this a couple of times and ultimately the “it doesn’t mean anything, I’m with you” meant “yes he is an old flame, and yes there is still an ember burning there”. I hate it. The first time I ran into this ended what was probably to this day a relationship that still to this day hurts a little. “Nothing will happen” …some how turned into “he has really changed” and then to “he just wants to stay a few more days” to my “don’t darken my doorstep again”.

I hate to admit this because I am normally a pretty mellow guy, but there is ALWAYS an underlying competition amongst men…and this is the kind of scenario that can really be destructive to a relationship. Just my two cents.

-W8©

May 18th, 2009
4:43 pm

@DJ- Never underestimate black peoples love for R.Kelly..lol

Demi

May 18th, 2009
4:43 pm

Poppa Grande…Dude, I can spent hours in wikipedia…I learned how to play pool, thanks to that site…LOL

AmazonRed™ - Lakers rocked L.A. - LITERALLY!

May 18th, 2009
4:45 pm

Randy – My friend is the female. It’s her new man. The ex is coming to stay with him.

But the rules should be the same no matter what the players. I’m a little concerned that the guy hasn’t told the ex to pump her breaks. It could all be innocent, but why create an uncomfortable situation for the current if you don’t have to?

Cemeeli

May 18th, 2009
4:45 pm

You dont “deal” with church women, but you lead them?

hmmmm

AmazonRed™ - Lakers rocked L.A. - LITERALLY!

May 18th, 2009
4:47 pm

LMAO @ Cemeeli.

kimmie

May 18th, 2009
4:48 pm

Randy – A good friend of mine’s fiance’ pulled this crap on her. This chick was supposed to be just a “good friend” that was moving to ATL and needed somewhere to stay until she found a place. My friend said she thought she had already met all of his family and friends and this chick just came outta nowhere. She told him she was uncomfortable with it, but he insisted on “friend” staying with him. She broke it off.

How about a year later, dude & “friend” were married!