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Nothing Left to Say

Today’s entry is courtesy of one of our wonderful, fabulous readers. I hope she doesn’t mind that I took her topic idea almost in it’s entirety! Check out what “Foots” had to say:

The things that made me love you are the things pushing me away now. – Nothing Left to Say (Mint Condition)

I believe that many desirable and undesirable qualities are flip sides of the same coin.  In their song, they speak of wonderful attentiveness becoming crazy possessiveness.  In my past, I dated a guy who I admired that he was such a good friend and concerned family member and that he kept in touch with his friends/family often.  But part of the reason we broke up was that we never had any time together because he was ALWAYS on the phone taking on other people’s problems.

Here are some others that I have read or seen before:

  • A friend of mine dated a woman and was impressed by her warmth and caring as a mother.  He broke it off because she spent all her time with her kids.
  • A dude dates a woman because she is so well put together and keeps her appearance up, but eventually he breaks it off because she spends too much time getting all dolled up.
  • A woman is impressed by how far up the corporate ladder her new man has gotten at his young age, but she finds out that it’s because he puts in so much time at the office and never has any time for her.
  • A person loves their new mate’s commitment to their faith, but gets frustrated and leaves because they won’t give up the lovin’.
  • Most men love soft, feminine women, but dislike the fact that she shows all of theses emotions.  But what else would they expect from a soft, feminine woman?
  • Some women prefer the strong, silent type…until they realize that the man never actually talks to them or expresses his feelings.
  • Some men love women who are organized with their life and finances, but they hate that I’m a “planner” type.  I’m trying to figure out how they think I could be so organized without my planner instinct.

So, now, not only do we have to deal with good and bad totally separate qualities that a mate may have (i.e. person may be responsible/dependable, but not terribly romantic), we also have to accept that qualities we love tend to always come with a flip side of the very thing that irritates us the most.

I can really relate to this, on both “sides of the coin”.  What drew me to a guy, was the very reason we ended up hitting the skids: confidence. Oh, confidence is cute in the beginning, but after a while it can be a bit too much.

What do you guys think? Have you experienced this in your relationships?

Is this an example of “careful what you wish for?” or are we a little clueless about relationships are about?

342 comments Add your comment

M'

May 18th, 2009
12:45 pm

@ Sassy

At least when you say something…you have something to say…long or short wind…at least it ain’t flatulence coming out of you mouth…lol

-W8©

May 18th, 2009
12:46 pm

@Lioness-How did you find out to late, were there not signs?

Melo

May 18th, 2009
12:47 pm

Tmac,the taste of the pudding(sp?Leggs?) is in the eating, bwa.Dont be shy,invite a cpple to sme dates and some romp around town.U’ll be pleasantly surprised.Take it from me,ur big bro.
Dont be intimidated by what they write here.There are some real nice,cool sisters arounf this blog.In any case,if u single,this blog is the place to be in the A!
Do u have a wallet? :lol:

Beautiful

May 18th, 2009
12:49 pm

**replace hate with love, anger with peace**

this is really not hard to do. but there’s a draw back. your haters will hate you for it!

Professor

May 18th, 2009
12:50 pm

M-

You are so correct. I feel you on that. Also I hate when people in general, but mostly guys judge me by certain things. I am not a “Material Girl” so I always cringe when someone judge me by what I am driving instead of what is driving me. In my heart of hearts I know that I am real in spite of what is on my head (weave), because it is what is in my head (brain) that truly counts.

I meant to ask if you are working in your field? Did you have to go back to grad school? Girl you made some good points to day, I need to dust off my sociology book

DJ Sniper

May 18th, 2009
1:04 pm

Interesting topic. On one hand, I’ve never been the type to put on a front and act like a completely different person in the beginning, only to completely change up down the line. On the other hand, I can’t lie; I have been in relationships where things are very good in the beginning, but as time goes on, I haven’t put the woman as high on the priority list as she should have been. That is one issue that my wife has had with me for a minute, but I’m working to try to change that. We had a pretty good end of the weekend, so hopefully that will kick start things.

AmazonRed™ - Lakers rocked L.A. - LITERALLY!

May 18th, 2009
1:22 pm

LOL. Good morning to you Angie. Since it’s still morning where you are.

Willie Dynamite

May 18th, 2009
1:31 pm

Afternoon all,

No real issues for me on this front. Never really been the flip/flop type. Never really had this happen to me. Had a few try to graduate from jump-off to main but of course no haps for that.

-W8©

May 18th, 2009
1:33 pm

@DJ- good stuff, you recognizing and making the proper adjustments for you and yours

Tish

May 18th, 2009
1:34 pm

OMG – this is a great topic! Good work Foots! . I’m a geek and I swear my fiancee LOVED my computer prowess (and exploits it from time to time) but then in counseling complains about how much time I spend on my computer LOL! On the flip side – I love(d) how much we time we spent on the phone when we were dating but now I find myself thinking (and saying) … SHHHHHH!

It’s a wash I guess …then eh?

All of these people running around here jumping, skipping, falling in love…falling in love ain’t s**t. Somebody talke to PLEASE about how to stay there…- Savon (Isaiah Washington) Love Jones

Demi

May 18th, 2009
1:35 pm

@Demi- Don made a plea deal..sorry bro….Mayne, thats cold…Ha Ha Ha

LIONESS- Busy Bumblebee today

May 18th, 2009
1:38 pm

W8- I met him while visiting Atlanta and we decided to keep in touch with each other while I was in NY. He used to fly me down here twice a month on the weekends so I never met his family.. I decided to move down here 6 months later and I stayed with him. While staying with him, he brought to my attention that his mom had an apt in the same complex AND she lived one building over.. I was like HUH? It all went downhill from there.. I moved out a month later because his family was a bit much but we continued our relationship. I knew he was the oldest of 5 kids but I didn’t know his mom depended on him for everything.. Long story short, him & I had very many discussions about his family coming before me & blah blah blah.. After 3 years, we ended our relationship because we had been through too much BS with each other and it wasn’t going to get any better..

Leggs

May 18th, 2009
1:39 pm

@Sassy, I commented back to you on your azzhole comment, but the blogmaster ate it!

There’s a lot of dawgs out there ready to bite and run back to the pound when their deed is done. Recognize upfront and keep it moving. If a sexuaul relationship is not what you want don’t sweat it. You will go crazy.

Demi

May 18th, 2009
1:41 pm

Had a few try to graduate from jump-off to main but of course no haps for that.

…Yeah, you just got through hump’n, thump’n, and puff…then the woman bust out with: “So when are you taking me out?”

You look over all slow’n'ish…and be like: “Huh?”

Demi

May 18th, 2009
1:41 pm

Cemeeli

May 18th, 2009
1:41 pm

Still on topic?

Mo Go head and get your high-chair. I gotta gig lined up that’ll make us some money on a Reality show.

M'

May 18th, 2009
1:42 pm

@Professor

No, I have not done any grad school…I am going to circumvent the whole process and just write the books…lol…and I am self-taught computer software specialist…so that is the skill that I have been marketing for the last almost 15 years…go figure…but hey, a girl got to eat

Mayne, I am drained…I just translated a tarot card reading from English into Spanish…so much spiritual energy…wow.

Demi

May 18th, 2009
1:44 pm

LIONESS…I am glad you woke up after 3 years…I’ve seen folks going on 15/20 years…with no change in sight.

That’s not a way to live.

Willie Dynamite

May 18th, 2009
1:45 pm

Demi- Bruh ya better check that Plea Deal again. When the feds say Plea Deal we both know what they really mean.

Demi

May 18th, 2009
1:46 pm

M’…hey bey, I will hit you up later…I had a busy weekend.

LIONESS- Busy Bumblebee today

May 18th, 2009
1:46 pm

Demi- You know what, I don’t understand people that are like that. Happiness is a requirement in my life!! Good dyck can’t keep me ANYWHERE!!!

DJ Sniper

May 18th, 2009
1:53 pm

Reading the comments about men whose families are dependent on them makes me so grateful for my family. My folks are 7 hours away, and have never interfered in my life once I got grown and moved out. It’s one thing to want to do stuff for your family from time to time, but when they start to leech off of you, it’s time to cut the strings.

Cemeeli

May 18th, 2009
1:54 pm

Lionessaka “BusyBEE” – You’re not cooking, “gettin’ hair did”, killing someone’s cat, or slappin’ a fool for forwarding that KFC coupon, today?

Well, i’m surprised??? :lol:

Demi

May 18th, 2009
1:55 pm

(Good dyck can’t keep me ANYWHERE!!!)

Lioness…only a few years, huh?

Bey, that’s all I need!! Let’s get this party started, LOL

(lioness is now attempting to claw one of Demi’s eyes out)

Demi

May 18th, 2009
2:00 pm

You never really know a person until you live with them…

M'

May 18th, 2009
2:01 pm

@Demi

Cool…I am in for the day…not ready to venture out much and too far…done got internet social…lol…and at the moment that is fine with me…lol…nut that I am.

Raqi...32 Days to ML

May 18th, 2009
2:01 pm

Are we still discussing, you can’t live with ‘em and you can’t live without ‘em?

Cemeeli

May 18th, 2009
2:01 pm

Doesn’t “Hawthorne” – Jada Pinkett’s new show air tonight?

M'

May 18th, 2009
2:02 pm

LMAO @ Cee’s 1:54 @ Lioness…where my coupon at???…lol

LIONESS- Busy Bumblebee today

May 18th, 2009
2:04 pm

Hey Cee Sweetness! LOL! Thank you for the daily blog LOL! Greatly Appreciated ;)

DJ- I agree!

Once I get a chance, I will go back and read the comments..

Professor- LOL @ putting “weave” in parenthesis!

Demi- Watch yourself ;)

Demi

May 18th, 2009
2:04 pm

DJ Sniper…it depends. Some times you just gotta do what you gotta do. I am help my mom with her medical bill…that ish is rough, but thank goodness I am at a place in my life were I can help my mom and pay my bill too!! LOL

Raqi...32 Days to ML

May 18th, 2009
2:04 pm

Cemeeli what channel is airing that show?

Demi

May 18th, 2009
2:05 pm

LIONESS…yes ma’am, young lady.

SexyCool

May 18th, 2009
2:09 pm

Cemeeli – Not taking anything from Jada or her talent, am I the only one that sees this show as a bootleg attempt to copy Shonda and Grey’s? (Keeping in mind that I’ve only seen the commercials, that’s the first responding thought that crossed my mind.)

However, I will check it out and hopefully be able to judge it on its own merit.

Raqi...32 Days to ML

May 18th, 2009
2:12 pm

SexyCool I actually thought that about Grey’s versus the long running ER. I only starting watching Grey’s because I curious when I heard Shondra was the writer. Not that I watched ER all that much but I was curious.

Demi

May 18th, 2009
2:15 pm

SexyCool…has my girl jada, alway been that thin? Baby is looking stressed out. I guess t.v. sitcom does that to you…I have my fingers cross as well…I don’t want my baby canceled after two shows.

Shoot…Jada has been my girl since menace to society…ghetto braids’n'all.

Roller3

May 18th, 2009
2:17 pm

He was a church-going, devout kinda man, which I thought meant stable, serious and kind. Turned out it really meant he thought he could do anything — and I mean anything — and I’d have to accept it because we were married in the church and God doesn’t like divorce.

I think God doesn’t like people abusing their spouses.

Melo

May 18th, 2009
2:18 pm

am I the only one that sees this show as a bootleg attempt to copy Shonda and Grey’s?

SexxyCl,stop the female biaatching..if both sisters are talented,let them do what they gotta do.How many sisters are in this bish of writing successful shows anyway? See….

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 18th, 2009
2:18 pm

Afternoon All!!!

Great topic, not sure if you’re still on it. This song trips me out – I like it, but I don’t like it because I’ve had a relationship fail because of this very thing. Not the overly possessiveness, but a dude admiring/liking something about me and then deciding he can’t handle it later on.

I’ve got a scar on my left cheek that’s been there since I was 10 (almost 29 years) – people have known me for years and then one day ask ‘what happened to your cheek’ I know I’m late with that one, but Raqi and Mo’s examples made me think of it

GO DENVER!!!

Raqi...32 Days to ML

May 18th, 2009
2:20 pm

Demi I know you didn’t ask me but…

IMO Jada being almost 40 and she has always had somewhat hard sharp features her age is starting to show. Angela Bassett and few others looks to have aged better than Jada. Angela B has a more softer look and features IMO.

SexyCool

May 18th, 2009
2:23 pm

Raqi – I never made that connection because I’ve never watched a whole episode of ER.

Demi – Jada is looking super-narrow these days especially when you consider that the camera adds ten pounds. But then too, she ain’t never been bigger than a minute.

kimmie

May 18th, 2009
2:24 pm

Raqi – I agree, she actually might look a little better with a little more meat on her bones. Still an attractive sister though.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 18th, 2009
2:25 pm

I haven’t really watched the previews for Hawthorne, but I’m planning to watch the show just because Jada’s in it. I think it’s going to be on TNT for some reason – maybe because I’ve seen the previews during the games….who knows.

Cemeeli

May 18th, 2009
2:25 pm

As I hold my palms out for the fans to give me my paddling. I know I’ll be a “blasphemous” when I say this, buuuuuuttttt….

I’m not a “Grey’s Anatomy” viewer so I wouldn’t know whether “Hawthorne” would compare to Grey’s. I just have noticed the 100,111,111 times they have shown the commercial with Jada as a nurse looking stern as if the show will give something new.

I said I’ll give it a try or two. It airs on TNT network, dunno the time.

Deacon Demi

May 18th, 2009
2:25 pm

He was a church-going, devout kinda man…

STOP RIGHT THERRRRE!!!/STRONG>

That is a classic sign dude is crazy and may whip on yo a$$, while being filled with the Holy Ghost!!

Let the Bloooooo’gh’, stay A….MEN!!!

Cemeeli

May 18th, 2009
2:26 pm

Lioness No problem sis. I amd here for your entertainment. :grin:

Raqi...32 Days to ML

May 18th, 2009
2:27 pm

Kimmie yeah she is pretty. Her features are just kinda sharp edged which can add an aged look at certain angles. And yes she is super petite.

Melo

May 18th, 2009
2:28 pm

Speaking of Angela Basset,she wld have killed that Obsession wife Beyonce played..i think.She has a natural ugly mouth that gets long when acting angry.And crying comes naturally to her.She wld have killed it.

SexyCool

May 18th, 2009
2:28 pm

Melo – so, if I had been a man that made that observation, it would have been fine? Melo, every now and then, you come back with a response that makes me want to emphatically invite you to go to H#ll. This is just such a time.

I will even continue to entertain your bullsh!t comment by pointing out my intent to support her show with its seeming similarities to Grey’s. I really don’t give a crap how many medical dramas there are on television. My only concern is that the entertainment that I choose to spend minutes of my life actually be ENTERTAINING – unlike some of the adolescent oversexed drivel you have a tendency to lean towards.

And that was said with MUCH blog love.

AmazonRed™ - Lakers rocked L.A. - LITERALLY!

May 18th, 2009
2:29 pm

LMAO. Did Sassy just call someone an Oompa Loompah? :lol: